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Thread: Create-A-Servant 3

  1. #3561
    吸血鬼 Vampire Vance's Avatar
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    "Is this really necessary?!"
    "I can assure you that this is one of the most important things you will ever do in your life."
    "...Really?"
    "Yes, really. Now remember, presentation is everything so make it good!"

    "A-alright. Here I go. Ahem. Magical Boy Ni-Kun is here to serve! How was that?"
    "Absolute majesty."

    True Name: Ninurta
    Class: Rider
    Alt. Class: Archer, Caster
    Alignment: Chaotic Good
    Source: Mesopotamian Myth
    Region: Mesopotamia
    Armament: Ma-Wand, Bow

    Parameters:
    Strength: C+
    Endurance: B
    Agility: A
    Mana: A+
    Luck: A

    Class Skills:

    Magic Resistance A
    Grants protection against magical effects. Differing from the Resistance effect that merely rejects Magical Energy, this ability cancels the spells altogether. Cancel spells of A-Rank or below, no matter what High-Thaumaturgy it is. In practice, the Servant is untouchable to modern magi, so it would not be an exaggeration to title the Servant a "Magus Killer".

    Riding A+
    A Class Skill of Rider and Saber class Servants, denoting the ability to ride mounts and vehicles. Rider-class Servants will typically possess a high rank. It is said that dragon type mounts are an exception, requiring a different ability other than Riding. All vehicles and all creatures up to the level of Phantasmal Beast and Divine Beast can be used as mounts. However, that does not apply to members of the Dragon Kind.

    Personal Skills:

    Divine Core of The Magical Girl A-
    Divine essence that denotes one being an individual that holds up the concept of "magical girl". However, as Rider is male, the rank is unstable, with Rider's role as a theoretical ur-example of a magical girl being a shaky support. Nonetheless, "A magical boy can also fight for love, justice, and peace for all!", or so his wand says. It is because of this skill that Rider has his current form.

    Disengage A
    The ability to withdraw from the battlefield in the midst of combat or reset the battle conditions. Bonus effect of returning battle conditions to what they were at the beginning of the match (1st turn) and restores the condition of this Skill to the initial value. At the same time, it forcibly releases some of the bad status ailments inflicted on the user of this Skill. Let it be said that Ninurta was said to have tried to flee like a bird from the demon, Asag, until he was persuaded (ordered) to fight by his partner and weapon, Sharur.

    Civilization Prosperation B
    A skill that affects not Rider himself but those affected by his actions. Originally an EX ranked skill meant to gradually and continually uplift the surrounding civilizations, through his rebranding as protector of the people, the skill rank has fallen to just allowing individuals to continue living their lives, unaffected by the absurd events happening around them, and seamlessly rebuild destroyed structures after some time has passed.

    PR Model Mystic Code B+
    A skill denoting the form currently being assumed by Rider's weapon, Sharur. As part of the rebranding planned by the weapon, it has also changed its general appearance for the sake of public relations. Furthermore, it has mysteriously gained the ability to record, edit, and produce videos of Rider's exploits on short notice. Make no mistake, despite its appearance, it is still as deadly as before.

    Noble Phantasms

    Sharur: Indispensable Divine Assistant
    Rank: B+
    Type: Anti-Unit, Anti-Army, Anti-Self

    The first noble phantasm of Rider. A magical mace that served as his lifelong companion throughout his adventures. It has a multitude of functions, with its most notable ability being the ability to shift between forms. Some of these forms are a bow that shoots lightning bolts, a winged beast for Rider to ride, and, most recently, a cartoonish wand. However, it's main use is its avisatory ability, bolstering Rider's confidence, hyping him up for a fight, etc. It is easy to say that Sharur is Rider's best friend and confidant.

    Lugal-e: Felling The Slain Heroes
    Rank: C++
    Type: Anti-Unit

    The second noble phantasm of Rider. A special attack type of noble phantasm that acts of the crystallisation of Rider's feat of defeating the Slain Heroes; something that was said to be compared to the Twelve Labors done by the hero Heracles. It manifests as added properties that applied to the attacks that Rider makes with his weapon. These properties are varied around the traits of the Slain Heroes with one being Anti-Dragon and another having Anti-Fortune. When striking a target that corresponds with the property that was currently added, the attack power bolsters exponentially. Alternatively, in the vein of deciding to perform something resembling an ultimate attack, using Sharur in bow form, he can let loose 12 simultaneous shots from Sharur's bow form with each projectile carrying the force of an A-rank attack and Anti-Divine properties.


    Lore

    Rider's identity is Ninurta, the Mesopotamian god of agriculture, war, and hunting that was instrumental in the recovery of the stolen Tablet of Destinies for his father, Enlil, and the slaying of a demon that was poisoning the rivers. For his accomplishments, he was invited into the council of the gods. It is believed that he served as inspiration for the great hunter Nimrod who existed in the Book of Genesis.

    "This is all that needs to be said, right now. Any more would be bad for the viewers!"


    Personality

    A precocious young child who constantly doubts his effectiveness in the battlefield, someone who would run away at first chance if given the opportunity. On the contrary, when properly motivated, he becomes quite dangerous to his foes, as befitting his title as a god of war. He does care about those under his care, as experienced by the farming techniques he bestowed upon the humans he reigned over. He is also quite childish though this may be due to his current situation. However, it should go without saying that putting Rider in a position of power would make him reach a bit too far.

    "This is a bit scary but I think I can do this!" "That's the spirit Ni-kun!" "Eheheh, thanks."

    Sharur, on the other hand, has a dutiful and encouraging persona. It is a bit steward-like in how it manages its self appointed role as Rider's PR manager but it seemed to have some compatibility with it. Sharur also boasts an impressive loyalty to Rider, constantly handing out advice (i.e. nagging him to do things). Even when Rider has started overreaching when he got arrogant over his success, it seems he never gave on him. The weapon in of itself, holding back deeper aspects from even Rider but its sincere care is plain as day.

    "The curiosity shines in his eyes sometimes, ya know? But my secrets are mine to keep. Even if It would good for my son to know his father's, or rather a pale shade of the man, been with him every step of the way."


    Creator's note: So this was an unusually ambitious one from me. I ended up being inspired by the offhand comment that Ninurta counts as the ur-example of a magical girl, and things flew off from there. Other than that, I think I did well for myself here.
    Last edited by Vance; Today at 01:21 AM.

  2. #3562
    Foreigner Sheetematic Universe! DelRey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheTruthWhale View Post
    @DelRey

    I somehow found this sheet more difficult to read than the massive wall that was the other one. I think it's because of all the moving parts. There's something like three or four gods fused into one ability. She feels like she'd be a six-star servant, if that makes any sense. She's got so much stuff, from an arguably better version of Mystic Eyes of Death Perception to being a Shielder/Assassin to having another set of Rainbow Mystic Eyes. I like the lore, but it's a lot for one sheet. A lot.

    That aside, it's an interesting take, and Canaan could have been brought to Chaldea through the same nonsense that made Ryougi a Psuedo-Servant despite the Moon Cell making her future impossible. I don't really see why, other than her synesthesia, she'd be connected to Nekhbet of all gods, but the mutation of the Eye of Horus is done well enough that it makes sense without being outside the realm of possibility.

    EDIT: I feel the phrase "an arguably better Mystic Eyes of Death Perception" is not one that should ever be uttered. Like, at least with those eyes, you can try and dodge the knife.
    Handling Egyptian Mythology was a challenge. We deal with over three thousand years of mythology that had as many gods and most were different names of the same gods.
    'Names' is one of the most important aspects in Egypt so I dived into that. I have the luxury of having that knowledge, but the weakness of not explaining well.
    I try to shorten it Atum = Ra = Amun, same god, Atum as creator god with the eyes, Ra when he became the sun, Amun later name in history, which i connected to a name he had in another cosmogeny in Egypt.
    Amun is, 'The Hidden One' and represents what could not be seen at the birth out of Chaos, which i likened to seeing concepts and bringing them to life. He created what we like to use to argue certain authorities and stuff. Explaining that more is not possible for me, mythology and Nasu can be vague. What made this possible are his Eyes, which are another really important aspect of Egypt. I made 'Horus' a Title that is basically the 'King/Pharaoh' of gods, because they were actually at least SIX horus floating around in Egypt. So an inheritable ability of the Eyes that signify a King. The First Holder was Atum/Ra, then it went on to Osiris, why explained in his name that explains the concept of the eyes basically in pictures and then they ended up in Nekhen, who would take on the name of Horus we all commonly know. Nekhen is the Proto-Falcon god in Egypt IRL. One of his Eyes were by Myth torn out by Seth and because the First Eye of Ra (the one that nearly killed the world, one of the most famous myths in Egypt) was born basically like that too, it created a goddess too, that holds the aspect of 'created by the Eye of the King'.
    Despite all this seemingly wanked shit of seeing stuff, it is mostly sensory, she can not create out of nothing and is actually just a glorified version of what Canaan itself can do herself (she can use all her five senses at once and grants her all those abilities I mentioned, I just added the simulation of sensory things by looking alone, like being touched or feeling allured to the sound of being watched by her and stuff). But I made it clear and added the line that she has not the MEoDP and added that she can burn away her Saint Graph by overusing it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tabris View Post
    Canaan/Nekhbet: OOOOOOOOOOOOOO is this bait? For I know quite a bit about the strange byways of Egyptian myth, but absolutely none about this... comic? anime adaptation? eh? weh? In any case, I really wanna like it, the lore practically demands that I like it, but I need to see what is yet to be seen, hm? It would be injustice to this synaesthete not to try and see through her eyes, otherwise.
    Canaan is a 13 episode Anime adaptation of an extra story of a game, Nasu ceonceptualized it and Takeuchi designed the characters and stuff. I recommend it. There is no points that suggest it is or is not part of the Nasuverse, as it does not deal with anything magical and focuses on worldly stuff. Clips on youtube could show you how she sees the world.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cursed by Fortuna View Post
    I do agree though that this is a bit much, frankly the mystic eyes alone feel like a full authority rather than any noble phantasm and as Caenis established even divine spirits as servants cannot survive using authorities, as I think it's said if she tried to use Poseidon's trident it would kill her and even Quexacoatyl a full divine spirit who was one of if not the strongest divine spirits of her pantheon cited using her authorities costed "a lot of mana" basically relying her to be at full power to do so. For someone who isn't a full on divine spirit, let alone the leader of a pantheon honestly using any of either of her NP should outright kill her, or destroy her saint graph. Then there's the Shen ring, which is similarly OP, quite honestly I feel that given how strong either of the Noble phantasms are it feels redundant giving her both, then combined with her double summon skills, and it feels like the servant is just broken, not even wank, like Gilgamesh's eyes or Karna's spear and armor, just literally broken on the level of "Above even top servants in strength".
    Nekhbet is not the Head of the Pantheon and uses a weaker version of those Eyes. Like I just explained to Whale, her abilities are mostly sensory and except the 'simulating senses by looking' aspects (which I do not think as incredibly powerful, just a niche thing to have), all her effects from limited Clairvoyance and Technomancy, are things Canaan possesses due to her own extreme case of Synesthesia. I think with her becoming a Servant those natural abilities would become even stronger because she has more stamina to spare now to continue using it, if not for the Eye of Horus. The EoH adds a bunch of more information to what she sees, but barely any of them are really useful for combat and the extra Mana used balances the bonuses of becoming a Servant. She exhausts using them as much as during life. If you know how Shiki sees the world, imagine it even more confusing, but less useful for killing, but helpful for combat (which Canaan had as a human) with extra conceptual stuff that she can not interact with anyways.


    Quote Originally Posted by Cursed by Fortuna View Post
    Granted I generally am not the biggest fan of divine spirit level servants as I feel they are often too wank for their own good (despite them supposedly being "weakened due to manifesting as servants" [something that I think Nasu or his writers may have forgotten as comparing Goddess Rhongomyniad [a full divine spirit] and Quexacoatyl even after the ladder was weakened she seemed outright stronger than the former despite having manifested as a servant and having been weakened supposedly]) as even figures like Karna and Gilgamesh supposedly being roughly equal to lower level divine spirits (something which given how Quexacoatyl is shown is very much in question) generally don't seem to compare. But this is beyond even that, there's a certain principle regarding fights of something which is or isn't possible if a person knows there is a possibility to overcome, however small then it makes the drama compelling as there is a chance however small, that the hero can come ahead and survive or win. But when the something like this is presented where despite having low ranking parameters the rest of the sheet is so OP it almost feels like a joke, cause the parameters don't even matter. The only things I could imagine winning against a being like this are a grand servant or an outright god as it's just that wank.
    I am actually questioning myself now if she is really that bonkers as you two make her out to be. Perhaps I should work more with ranks. Or it seems stronger as it is, because I guess you have not seen the Anime.
    I see what I can tinker to make her powers more clearer and balanced.
    Edit: Done, I hope it makes those things clearer now.
    On a sidenote, you already made several Blogs explaining things, have you considered making a blog that explains Noble Phantasm ranks? Ranking them seems so confusing to me, so i ignored NP ranks for a while now, but especially for this sheets I should do that to show my power lovel I have in mind. Or anyone else doing that? I think it is time that i learn this stuff and update my NP of all my sheets.

    after that I look at Whales' and Vance's Servant
    Last edited by DelRey; Today at 04:40 AM.

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