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Thread: Create-A-Servant 3

  1. #4261
    Foreigner Sheetematic Universe! DelRey's Avatar
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    Combatants will be deployed. I knew you have class, BnEl

    not quite what i am looking for, but i keep him in mind. He was active in the military and later king, so finding someone overweight in light armor or just a kind looking plumb king is surprisingly hard.

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  2. #4262

  3. #4263
    Foreigner Sheetematic Universe! DelRey's Avatar
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    nah
    i may have a plan B that kinda derails my sheet, but I keep looking through this one site that lists hundred of anime/manga characters
    but i am already at 61/80 sites

    Instigator of the Legendary Jack-Off

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  4. #4264
    吸血鬼 Vampire Master_Therion's Avatar
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    What sites do you look for images? I normally use pinterest and a reddit post of DND that gives tons of character images.

  5. #4265
    Foreigner Sheetematic Universe! DelRey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Master_Therion View Post
    What sites do you look for images? I normally use pinterest and a reddit post of DND that gives tons of character images.
    pinterest, google, twitter art for inspiration, sometimes the booru sites too.

    I actually like my plan B now even more after review. Seems more fun and is more interesting for the sheet. Execution is now just dependent on what a certain source here says.

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  6. #4266
    吸血鬼 Vampire NittyGritty's Avatar
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    the yugioh wiki

  7. #4267
    Confusion Levels: Maximum Cursed by Fortuna's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DelRey View Post
    fortuna usually does his reviews in order. He first has to write his nice essays about each servant that came before you and then it is your turn


    TIME TRAVEL MODE: ENGAGE

    Destination Set AD 21VY: Date of Sheets TM107A and YL402U




    Takiyashahime: I'm suspired not to see more related to toads in this sheet as alongside Jiraya she was instructed by them and may have held a pact or contract with them and I think was said to have learned magic from them; given the toads may have been yokai, then it would explain why they were seemingly on Jiraya (a hero's) side who sought to seemingly protect Japan and banish the spirit controlling Orochimaru (which may have been a yokai), but would also help Takiyashahime (a villain) as well. As Yokai they would have an "outsider moral compass" and frogs and snakes (which Orochimaru while possessed was associated with I believe) are commonly seen as natural enemies (with sansukumi-ken being entirely revolving around the idea). So it may be less that "the toads were heroic and helped Jiraya" and more "the toads hated the snakes and helping Jiraya was in their best interests".

    The onmyoji stuff also surprised me as I wasn't familiar with that (although it may be a part of some version of the tale I didn't read), but would have fit in well with the toad related portions of her story if they were incorporated (as it could have been said she had a yokai toad as her familiar which she controlled through her onmydo magic and learned more magic from it). I was surprised by the lack of any Noble Phantasm related to her father as the angle of having something like his vengeful spirit able to be summoned by her, or just letting her summon her father as a servant with a Noble Phantasm (or possibly the inverse where her father can summon her with a noble phantasm of his) would have built on the idea of the two being connected in their stories and myths. As for the Gashadokuro, while I like the general concept, I would have emphasized the impossibility of the foe, making it more durable (as I think only Minamoto no Raikou was said to have defeated one, with the capital having to have withstood its assault, not defeated it [thus making it more a foe that could mostly only be held at bay, not normally defeated]), but the idea of making it a golem and building on the idea that even modern mages can build one is neat as well.


    I can appreciate the effort you took into trying to tie up loose ends lorewise on the character and give her a more fleshed out motivation as it does help contribute to making her a more unique character than the original. She comes off a little different from her story version which personally viewing as perhaps having an element of perhaps obsession or even incestuous love with her father (or possibly being possessed by his spirit or having her resentment over his fate having turned her into a yokai). However, this is done well enough and it does have a enough detail and thought given into it that it comes off more as an alternative take rather than fully being fully divergent from the original story. My only major complaint is that I would have liked to see more or that I would have done things possibly a little differently. However even with that said, although slightly taken off guard by some of the changes, it was more of a pleasant surprise than not, a walk through a familiar story with a slightly different view on its events and people. As for the wanting more aspect personally I heard somewhere (I forget where) the advice "always leave them (the audience) wanting more" and generally feel that approach is a good one to storytelling. When I want more of something then you've done really well and as a whole better for something to leave the audience wanting more them wishing they hadn't bothered and souring their impressions on the whole affair.

    I was wondering if you would be alright if I took a stab at the character sometime in the future as I do have my own ideas related to it, and aside from European / Classical mythology & some elements of Christian stories and traditions I am familiar with, I would consider Japanese History and folklore one of my larger focuses and areas of familiarity.



    Claiomh Solais: Okay so this has nothing to do with the sheet, but am I the only one that kinda is bugged by the fact that the way this is spelled versus the it phonemically sounds are different it just gives that late 1980s to 1990s comic book villain feel of "we have to name our things cool sounding, but they also don't have to sound too weird otherwise people won't get what we mean. I know we'll just takes some normal-ish villain names and make them spelled really, really dumb {see Damien Darhk {no I didn't misspell that and you aren't reading it wrong, his name really is Damien Darhk, as for why I would recommend you direct any questions to 1986 DC comics and their writers and editors}}.

    Aside from that a sword as a Saber? That's a new one for me, however given we've had talking maces and boat people I don't mind it that much, having the sword as a servant is a pretty normal all things considered. I like how you tried to solidify this around the connection in myth between Excalibur and Claiomh Solais, even if the events from the Sefar make this difficult. It's nice attention to detail that I enjoy, I am a little confused on her Riding rank, does it increase with her overall power and NP or is it just EX rank in most conditions?

    Also, this is just entirely my theory, but I personally ascribed to the theory (likely untrue but I personally like it myself), that Excalibur, as in the OG Excalibur that killed Sefar may have broken in doing so, unable to contain its own power. Due to the planet being in pieces (possibly with time itself kinda broken) the gods needed something to hold it together, thus they took a bunch of the pieces from the OG Excalibur and made them into the pillars upholding the world. Excalibur (current) may just be a piece of the OG Excalibur that was forged (with the fey taking inspiration from swords like Caladblog, this explaining why they were "predecessors" (the OG Excalibur predates them, but the new one doesn't). This probably has a bunch of holes and isn't what Nasu intended at all, but I just like it form a native explanation of why the planet is in layers with different layers seeming to correspond to different eras and why they need to be held together.


    New Destination Set AD 21VW: Day of Sheet SV201





    Rider of Contracts Redone: While some of the formatting was fixed it still is a problem, and the sheet still doesn't feel done. I feel my post explained a lot of my feelings on the original and much of it still applies here, while no longer borderline unreadable it still isn't great.


    New Destination Set AD 21VV: Sheets of Future Past





    Issac: I like this one a bunch, it touches on some ideas from the already existing Typemoon series and expands them a lot, the noble phantasms are both creative in how they are implemented and how they function taking existing ideas and using them in new ways. On the end of personal skills the lack of a miracle skill is a little unusual (I'm not fully certain if there are any miracles associated with Issac, but I would expect given his favor with god there would be some), Jacob's limbs feels somewhat out of place given that it was mostly Jacob and those who came after that had that skill, and Issac was Jacob's father who by Biblical accounts would have probably been over 120 at minimum by then and would have been partly or fully blind according to the stories. Similarly, while the mystic eyes do play well into the idea of angles as incomprehensible beings, and Issac growing blind, and imagery of weeping angels I'm not fully sure they align with any real major stories associated with such for Issac (although I could be wrong here), but they still are a unique idea at the minimum.

    As for the personality I like the idea, but wish you had maybe gone a little farther with it, such as when he is misled or does have moments of him being able to be himself without God's guidance him acting differently, maybe showing remorse over the way his sons fought or such. AS it is it's fine, I just wish there was a little more to the dissonant serenity such as the idea that this is partly forced upon him, and not who he is (kinda like the Jekyll and Hyde situation, but with the serenity being forced upon him by god). Either way it's really well done as a whole.



    King John IV/Sebastian: This sheet does have a few issues here and there (mainly in a few areas I feel could be expanded or explained a bit better, but overall it's still really well done), at first looking at the parameters I was a little confused, but with the personal skills and noble phantasms it made a bit more sense (I personal would have maybe used brackets to indicate the raised agility from his hidden one personal skill and parentheses for his sword of Afonso (and maybe indicated EX rather than lacking a rank to show he as his endurance is literally beyond measure as he can stop any 1 attack at the cost of the sword itself, but it works well enough as is). Also, this is just me wondering would A++ rank speed just be near instant movement like Achilles can do on foot, or short-range teleportation kinda like Senjutsu is said to be capable of (if it is the ladder it would make sense that as fog he has A++ rank agility a he can literally probably manifest anywhere in the fog itself, but outside the fog he is unable to act).

    As mentioned, I do wish things like Hidden One and Beyond the Restoration comes the Expansion were a bit better explained (what limits does Hidden One have and what does Beyond the Restoration comes the Expansion do exactly), but they are interesting enough Ideas that I can give a pass to this. The Sword of Afonso while borrowing to an extent from Clarent's stated abilities of boosting parameters also adds some neat ideas with the ideas of taking and protecting territory and the single use absolute protection similar to Ascalon is a nice addition for the item. Quinto Tmpťrio is a little weird in that I'm not really sure what it does beyond let Saver claimt he world and get a massive territory bonus, but it builds on the idea of the character and the lostbelt well enough that I don't mind it all that much.


    I'm a little unsure on the lore as I don't know these characters all too well from even normal history, but considering that at the minimum you did link to a more detailed lore explanation I can partly forgive it (I still would personally prefer to have all the information in front of me rather than on different threads, but it's not a major issue). The personality and relationships are good, although it does make Saver come off as a bit full of himself. Personally I feel blessing of the Council of the gods is a little out of left-field and I prefer to think of the sheet without it, maybe it's explained more in the lostbelt, but it just feels that if it considering how much of the sheet was laser-focused around the expansion, ruling, and restoration of Portugal throwing in the Greek/Roman gods, even if it does related to Portugal just would distract partly from it (and also confuse as most of the sheet seems based on Abrahamic religions not Greek/Roman tradition (even though they too are a great empire).

    As for the sheet as a Saver, honestly considering how powerful Buddha was in Fate:Extra (probably as strong or stronger than a top servant) I don't think it's too wank, although one could argue that's partly the point with Lostbelt kings being a single near almighty foe that needs to be bested. But as a whole it feels like a good enough Lostbelt king, probably one of the earlier ones as he doesn't give off the sheer power of later Lostbelt kings, but even still to an extent I prefer that.



    Nameless Crusader (lily): I will admit at first I didn't exactly feel much for this sheet, I just didn't get it; That is until I saw the lore and then it clicked, going through the sheet again it felt stronger and more meaningful, it feels like a very good sheet in the respect that it comes as a bit of a sheet that works once you realize the context and as a whole it works very well as both a servant and a commentary on pursuing an impossible goal as well as the tragedies brought about through both bad leadership and those who would pursue that which is impossible, having never succeeded because the venture themselves they pursued was doomed only to failure from the start (very much in a sort of counterpoint to the angles of pursing one's dreams explored in Fate UBW).



    Enkidu (Lostbelt): This is a pretty ambitious servant, in their lore, in the detail on their personality, in almost everything, etc. That being said I do have a few issues with it mainly that it's really strong, almost too strong. The claim to be able to kill a god is a little nebulous, if you are taking divine spirits, sure that's plausible, but full Gods? Beings who were on a whole as strong as Tiamat was from Singularity 7? I find that a little hard to believe, as frankly even with Ea, the amount of effort it took to take Tiamat down (she was only stalled by the chains of heaven for like a couple moments, something which is fairly insane all things considered), in a space she was weakened in was insane (and if you go by the anime adaptation even that didn't work with her mostly having to defeat herself). Giving the Gate of Babylon works, if only mostly as she is reluctant to use it and doesn't have Ea which makes it a little better (I am curious how she managed to counter it if she didn't have Age of Babylon though). Regarding Gaia and the counterforce, I think the way that works is that the counterforce is something that the planet itself has access to (which due to the earth being split between Gaia and Alaya they both have their own access to the counterforce and their own goals). Gaia much like Alaya as far as I am aware does not act directly, possibly because it cannot, any action (such as fueling Enuma Elish) would have to be done using the counterforce as a proxy).

    Eternal City of Uruk is almost so powerful that it makes it hard for me to imagine how someone would survive it short of Avalon (which is basically a "I will survive anything" card), however the fact that it is restrained to the City of Uruk much like Enkidu herself does keep it from leaning on too powerful. The idea of her basically only caring for the city is a neat idea and it does put a neat spin on the Lostbelt idea of "what if this one city just lasted forever". As for the personal skills and class skills I like Uruk the First City and Divine Core of the Three Worlds, but I just wish there was a little more of that as the personal skills are just a bunch of already existing skills. Even still I do have to highlight the ambition of this and as the start of a Lostbelt idea it's a great first step towards building the story.



    King Sebastian/King John IV: So I am a little confused about one detail about King Sebastian, is it a Jekyll and Hyde situation with King John IV where by "returning" he his saint Graph becomes King John IV or is it an opposite ends of the same coin where they share a saint graph and this is just the version where King Sebastian is the dominant personality rather than King John IV? Minor confusion aside I find the sheet alright, with the plucky young, but unrealistic and naive (and somewhat spoiled) ruler aspect decent, but I wish it could have been expanded a bit more. Perhaps expanding a bit more on his rose-tinted glasses view of Portuguese history and the "acts of glory" he wanted to replicate like the Reconquista versus the reality of those acts, perhaps reflected in a sort of values dissonance with him as an older warrior who returned (with him being the "Desired Messiah" strictly of Portugal, but seen by others [such as the Muslims] as a savage monster), despite the general topic of the Messiah of Portugal and them turning the world into Portugal being a major point in King John IV sheet prior and this one (to a lesser extent), I feel more of a discussion on the nature of a savior versus a destroyer could have been had here to add depth and perhaps a layer to differentiate this a bit more from Artoria.

    Aside from that I can see the angle of contrast you were going for here with the sheet itself, but I'm not sure it hits the mark, the personal skills here seem weaker than with King John IV, mostly due to Divinity and Charisma. Divinity and Charisma while originally not intended to be useless skills it feels have evolved to the point of mostly seeming useless, where you have to make a point to highlight their use (such as with a military commander that can summon weak troops much like Medea's dragon tooth warriors, but using their charisma power them up that a small group (like 10 to 20) could force a servant onto the defensive and make the have to use personal skills or Noble Phantasms to get through them. Divinity is a similar case where in some cases (giving Cu Chulainn his super speed and allowing him to survive it, Semiramis' fish scale shield, Heracles' phenomenal strength and toughness in life, at high ranks letting servants break through protection of the faith and enlightenment of the scared fig, possibly allowing for the use of divine constructs (as from what we saw with Muramasa using them at full power seems to be enough to kill most ordinary people), and I think quantifying the rank of divinity needed to cancel Achilles' invincible skin [equal to or greater than the rank of his own divinity]) it does have an effect, but most of the time it only seems to be there for a lore purpose rather than a practical one. This is very much the case here where both Charisma and Divinity don't seem to have much of a quantifiable effect or general purpose beyond the lore.


    Lastly, O Desejado, this frankly is just way too much, resurrection with increased power and divinity would be enough for most NPs. The fog body and the ability to use it to dodge attacks (aside from not being clear on how to actually hurt Saber in this state) is a neat touch, being able to see everything in it and basically teleport through it (where you cited in the prior NP O Adormecido, [which I presume this segways into] that if Saber is killed in the fog it expands to cover a whole city [meaning if you aren't in a bounded field he can see you and near instantly move to you]) starts to move into the direction of "too much for one ability" territory. The other abilities solidifying the fog into blades, making others fall asleep, making them get lost, draining mana is serious overkill (even if they aren't effective against servants the bounded field can cover an entire city and he can basically drain masters of their mana, basically rendering almost all servants helpless or greatly weakened). Lastly the sword and shield bit are just too much. Overall, this ability is just way, way, WAY too strong for just it's one downside of a 1-day time limit with this ability I could easily see Saber winning a hypothetical grail war in a matter of hours tops unless he had really strong competition.

    Overall, this comes across as serious overkill and way to unfocused as an NP. Most NP are based around a single idea, or one or two ideas to make a powerful ability. While you do have some like Hozion's which give him 11 secret techniques, I find those less interesting than ones based around 1 very strong effect. the Gate of Babylon technically has 1 effect, calling things out of the GoB, it just so happens the things it summons are mostly NP with their own effects, same with UBW. Additionally, most NPs either need to be limited in scope, have clearly defined limits and weaknesses, or have a downside, unless you are using them to highlight the character's nature as being very strong. This rule keeps the NPs feeling interesting without being too strong or too unfocused. This NP has count them 12 or 13 different effects (many of them very powerful) with only 3 (1 technically) clear downsides the fact that the fog is a bounded field which means if broken theoretically the effect will end (which depending on how strong it is may be easier said than done), that it ends after 1 day (given how strong this is in most cases the war won't last 1 day after this), and that Saber still has mana he has to worry about which with this effect will likely be rapidly drained (countered by the fact that he can drain mana from the entire city and other masters).


    Frankly, it's just too much, slim down the abilities on O Desejado and focus it in, I get this is a Lostbelt servant ability, but 12-13 abilities on 1 effect with only 1 real downside (and 2 kinda-sorta downsides that don't really matter) just isn't fair and leaves the NP feeling unfocused and cluttered.Aside from that the relationship test looks nice, but I feel like at points I'm missing some jokes that are being made. The Other NPs, while fine, aside from O Adormecido (and O Desejado which has the aforementioned NP effect bloat issues), aren't that notable on my end. Overall, it has a lot of potential, but overall, it has a few major problems with it that leave parts of the sheet feeling a bit buggy and could use polish for it to reach the full scope of what it could be.



    Perseus: To an extent I'm not fully sure how to comment on this as it is partly based on the existing version of Perseus we have rather than an alternate take on the character (more in the lines of an expansion to the character than an alternate take on it), but I will try my best, mostly focusing on the expansions to the original Perseus and commenting based on if I feel they work. Monster slayer is a fitting personal skill given the character, but I feel that A rank might be a little high, on the other Hand I just feel Blessing from the Gods is overkill, he already has 6 total noble phantasms, which makes him a powerful servant by any right, if anything I would have more given him some ability reminiscent of Independent action given what his circumstances in Fate Prototype were or even a skill based on rescuing Andromeda (like Guardian Knight [which would work thematically, you just may need to make it a variant which maybe increases luck or makes him more tenacious rather than more durable]) or even a skill like advise of the Greae (based on him ransoming their one eye for their advice), the NP alone are enough to represent his divine favor, anything more is basically overkill, and really just feels like it tries to compensate for his parameters not being great by basically doubling them (or tripling them in the case of luck), even though Riders are supposed to be mostly reliant on NP or powerful skills to help them fight.

    On the side of Noble Phantasms tying Harpe in with the killing of Ouranos and Cronos which it was in some versions of the myth is a nice bit of attention to detail and the sword / scythe form is a other nice bit of attention to detail, I am a little perplexed though on why you excluded the clause of preventing wounds inflicted from healing except by natural or non-magical means as that was basically the major crux of its powers, not just denying the mortality of the gods, enforcing the laws of the world on whatever it wounds (as such wounds can only heal as they would normally or with the aid of things like modern medicine not based on magecraft to help in the process. Bellephron is another strange change as really it didn't need anything to be added to it as it was, controlling the Pegasus was enough (which it was sated already had capabilities rivaling a servant and magical resistance surpassing that of even Saber in the 5th grail war, and could launch Anti-army attacks), ranking it up when it's not even a servant doesn't fully make sense to me (considering Masters can only see the parameter rankings of servants that's why I've never tried to refer to parameters of non-servant combatants).


    Kibisius, I've never fully understood how this thing worked, or breaker gorgon by proxy (should have just had her mystic eyes as an NP), but I would have just gone with making it so that it contained the head of medusa and could use that like Perseus accidentally did on the king, (but considering that's not the original design I don't blame you for that), but now at least I think I understand it slightly more with this explanation, so I appreciate it. Not much to comment on for the mirror shield, I like the fact that you emphasize that it's optimal range of use is smaller than its max range, it was a neat concept to start with and it works well here. The cloak of concealment works well and I enjoy it's an actual cloak rather than a hat or helm here.

    Aside from that the Lore was hard to read, mostly because while small paragraphs there are a lot of them (more actually than I could keep on one page) and as such I had to make sure I kept a place when scrolling, it's not a major issue, but it is one which I felt should be noted. I also like the relatable angle you went with for his personality it makes him feel fairly relatable and likeable (a rarity among Greek servants who even if they are likable aren't really all too relatable all that often).
    Last edited by Cursed by Fortuna; June 11th, 2021 at 03:12 PM.
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  8. #4268
    吸血鬼 Vampire Master_Therion's Avatar
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    Wow, thanks for your time. Unfortunately im on the phone but for now I would like to clarify the second servant i made isnt Sebastian/John, its just Sebastian. This is the real person and not the myth. Saver is a composite myth. Im gonna go to my pc and read your review and then make changes to those characters. Thank you very much.

    Okay, now that im in my computer, Im gonna tackle the Saver of the 5th Empire:
    1st issue) Hidden One grants an agility akin to teleport, because it is able to manifest within the fog. Also, I mentioned the Shield and Sword of Afonso but in reality, Saver only has the sword, which only grants conquering and STR boost. The Shield has been lost to time so Saver couldnt get it.

    2nd issue) Hidden One I based on the myth of Sebastian, granting evasion and guts. His 2nd skill, however, I actually intended to be a better accomplishment of what John IV did but couldnt think of anything. Im trying to see what I can do. Regarding Quinto Imperio, Im trying to see what better way to describe it, since the only "World" NPs i know are Romulus-Quirinus and Acchiles

    3rd issue) The Skill Council of God was an idea I had for a brief time but i discarted it due to being a little bit indirect. Regarding its personality, I initially went with the cocky approach but now decided to add that, while it was his inital response and might seem its personality on the outside, Saver is actually crushed with the loss of the arts he once loved and the deterioration of the people he once represented. However, he cant give up because he is there answer their wishes and to back down would be to fail them. You are right about the Lore, im going to put it in Saver sheet.

    Regarding Saber Sebastian, this is the Pan Human History Sebastian that did not return on a foggy morning and became a servant. Im gonna tackle the issues you mentioned:
    1) As I mentioned, this isnt a Jekyll /Hyde situation. Saver, as a lostbelt King, is actually a person not a servant. Saber Sebastian, on the other hand, is a Servant, King Sebastian I. Great idea about the Personality tips, i will explore further in the future.

    2) I initially gave him Charisma and Divinity as a way to allude to his possibility of being a Saver Servant. I might mutate Charisma into a more specific charisma while im gonna mention the effects of charisma on Saber.

    3) Thrutfuly, you are right. I intended to offset the fact he lost his Sword and made it too OP. I think for now im gonna keep the Adormecido effect of summoning Fog with soldiers that attack both sides, with Saber losing his Sword and Shield and if he dies the fog spreads till it is morning, with covering at most a small city. O Desejado, on the other hand, im gonna remove all effects but keep the effects of returning on the morning, granting Saber increased divinity and stats but has a small frame of, maybe 30 minutes to 1 hour, to defeat all servants before he disapears. In this state, Saber is immune to most physical attacks through his body of fog, being able to move really fast due to being able to manifest through fog but is susceptible to conceptual attacks or attacks that targets his existence.
    Last edited by Master_Therion; June 11th, 2021 at 04:57 PM.

  9. #4269
    Foreigner Sheetematic Universe! DelRey's Avatar
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    Back to your cell Fortuna to continue commenting on other sheets. How many are left on your list? 10?

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  10. #4270
    Confusion Levels: Maximum Cursed by Fortuna's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DelRey View Post
    Back to your cell Fortuna to continue commenting on other sheets. How many are left on your list? 10?
    15 it looks like in total I also have a bit of a "storyline" with this and the next post as I was getting bored and when writing this post I had an idea on how to continue the joke
    The Nasuverse: Everything you know about history is wrong, people don't die when they are killed, The Archer class is not filled with Archers, and King Arthur is a Girl.

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  11. #4271
    Foreigner Sheetematic Universe! DelRey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cursed by Fortuna View Post
    15 it looks like in total I also have a bit of a "storyline" with this and the next post as I was getting bored and when writing this post I had an idea on how to continue the joke
    well. back to the comment mines with you. the longer you wait the more Servants appear


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  12. #4272
    吸血鬼 Vampire Master_Therion's Avatar
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    Im really grateful for Fortunas reviews. They really focus on how to improve each sheet.

  13. #4273
    Confusion Levels: Maximum Cursed by Fortuna's Avatar
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    Companion – Hachikō

    “Have you summoned me? I am very busy waiting, but if you could help me find my master I would be very grateful. If so then I would gladly follow you to the ends of the earth itself.”



    https://myanimelist.net/character/9431/Koromaru Image Source

    Characteristics

    Gender: Male
    Height / Weight: 64 cm / 41 kg
    Alignment: Lawful Good
    Home: Japan
    Origin: Historical Fact


    Personal Information

    Attribute: Human
    Likes: Hidesaburō Ueno; People who helped him wait for, protect or find his master; Loyalty
    Dislikes: Treasonous people, People who tired to lead him astray or tired to stop him waiting for his master
    Talents: Waiting, his Loyalty
    Natural Enemy: Lu Bu, Iskander


    Lore

    A famous story and dog in Japanese history and the history of the world. It is considered one of the great animal stories, an embodiment of the undying bond of loyalty between a dog and their master and the true measure of what it means to be loyal to another, a model countless people would honor and hope to channel and embody. In 1924 Hidesaburō Ueno, a professor at the Tokyo Imperial University took Hachikō as a pet months after his birth on a farm in Akita prefecture. Every Day Uneo would commute to work by train and every day Hachikō would leave the house to wait for and meet Uneo when he returned to walk home. On May 21st 1925 this routine was broken. Unknown to Hachikō his master, Hidesaburō Ueno had passed away of a brain hemorrhage while at work, thus he never arrived home. Yet Hachikō did not falter, despite suffering fear and mistreatment at first by other citizens and those working at the station at first he waited unfailingly for Hidesaburō Ueno to return.

    Eventually the once feared dog who drew intrigue from the curious masses had his story unveiled and by October 4, 1932 over 7 years after he started to wait (returning home or leaving then returning at the exact time the train was due to return the next day) people had begun to feed and keep after him while he waited. With the dog’s identity unveiled and the true nature of his wait unveiled by Hirokichi Saito a student of Hidesaburō Ueno, after he followed Hachikō back to Hidesaburō Ueno’s former gardner's home, he published an article explaining the story of Hachikō in 1932. This article captivated the masses, countless Japanese citizens (and in later years people across the world) were struck by Hachikō’s undying loyalty, his endless wait for Hidesaburō Ueno and the tragic beauty spoke of. Children were taught the tale as symbol of the loyalty they should have towards their family and community, the nation took it up as a symbol alongside Benkei of undying loyalty to people and the emperors, and in the unconsciousness of mankind Hachikō was engraved as a symbol of the bond of loyalty a dog would have for their master. 9 years, 9 months, and 15 days after his wait began, Hachikō perished, having never met his master again, yet having never given up hope of his return.


    Personality

    Hachikō is loyal, this is as much a statement of fact as it is a fundamental concept of his very being. Such is Hachikō’s loyalty that it underpins every aspect of his being, from his desires, to his nature, to his very abilities as a servant and who he likes and dislikes. Such is Hachikō’s loyalty that even other unfailingly loyal servants like some of the knights of the round would greatly doubt themselves and others would find themselves wanting in comparison. Hachikō would endure pain and hardship, ignore all kinds of temptation, push aside any doubts and cast aside all needless things such as his hostility and anger all to devote himself to his sole task, to reunite with his master, either by waiting for him or trying to find him, himself or with whatever allies he has. Even faced with an utterly hopeless battle against the might of a god, an existence like Karna or Gilgamesh, or a beast of man, these would fail to make Hachikō falter. This is as much a testament to his loyalty as a requirement of his saint graph. Hachikō’s loyalty to his master and those who would aid him is so fundamental that the very core of his saint graph revolves around such.

    The idea of betraying a loyal ally or not protecting, waiting for, or seeking out his master is so alien and foriegn that it is in the literal sense impossible for him, to try and force him to do such (such as with a command seal, a dvien authority, etc) would result in his self-destruction. Hachikō is, was, and forever shall be loyal to his master and those who aid him in finding, waiting for, and protecting his master (differentiated from his summoner, as he only has one master, Hidesaburō Ueno regardless of who summons him or why) regardless of his circumstances or his life. As such it would make the idea of a mage summoning or trying to work with Hachikō (whose ability to sense the intentions of others is enhanced by his animal instincts and his unbending loyalty [he can almost smell those who are loyal or traitorous]) laughable under almost any situation.


    Relationships

    Bedivere: After the final battle you alone stood at his side, you alone, beyond even his brother, his successor, his closest friend, his very flesh and blood, remained loyal. So why did you falter? Why did you refuse their last wish, that sword meant nothing, was nothing, is nothing. Against the vows you swore, the loyalty you held, casting it aside was the only choice which made sense, the only one which mattered. I cannot say you did not fulfill your vows eventually, but why did you falter even to begin with?

    Gawain: In the end, it was not your sword which failed, nor your strength which faltered but it was your heart; It’s anger, resentment, and hate blinded you to your duty and your vows. No matter how great your balde may be or how many may praise your name, so long as you allow your heart to rule you it’s passion will serve both as your greatest strength, and your greatest downfall. Loyalty must surpass all, even the passion of the heart.

    Lancelot: Loyalty to one’s master is the greatest virtue, Loyalty to one’s fellows is second only to that, nothing else matters, and to you nothing else need be said.

    Iskander: I have only 1 master, I serve no other.


    Mordred: Loyalty? But why would the knight of Rebellion ...

    Lu Bu: Beware this one reeks of treachery.

    Shirou Amakusa Tokisada: I see right through you trickster.



    Parameters:
    Strength – D+
    Endurance – D+
    Agility – D+
    Mana – D+
    Luck – D+
    Noble Phantasm – A



    Class Skills

    Blessing of a Hero (Countless) [EX]- One of the class skills of the Companion class, it denotes the ability to draw strength from the hero or figure they are associated with in life, granting some form of boon (increased intelligence or wisdom, a personal skill, increases in parameters, a stronger noble phantasm, the ability to use a version of their hero’s noble phantasm, etc.). However in Hachikō’s case due to having achieved great fame in Japan and abroad, he draws blessings not merely from his master Hidesaburō Ueno, but from the entire world. But beyond even that due to having become the conceptual embodiment of loyalty (to the point that his very ash carries this property and parts of his spirit are said to still linger at Shibuya station), even the very heroes in the throne of heroes recognise and would grant boons upon him for his undying loyalty. As such all of Hachikō’s parameters are boosted from their normal levels when either awaiting or trying to return to his master (something which by the very nature of his saint graph so long as he is manifested he is perpetually doing).

    Blessing of the Loyal Companion [C]- A class skill of the Companion class, it denotes the ability of a companion to aid their allies either with advice, helping them in battle, or some manner of advantage. Due to his undying loyalty to his master Hidesaburō Ueno, but still being a modern heroic spirit, this skill is not very strong for Hachikō. However to those who would strive to aid him in his pursuit of finding and meeting his master again, that is to say his loyal allies he would do all he can to aid them. This mainly takes the form of a form of constant passive support (and aiding them by helping as best it can in battle) a sort of positive mental interference, which inspires others and helps push them to overcome adversity and achieve their goals (such as being able to allow people to channel hysterical strength) to dull even severe pain, to push past exhaustion, to sharpen their reflexes, and push themselves to the very limit when struck with hardship. However at the end of the day this effect cannot allow those under its effect to overcome their bodily or physical limits, merely push to the edge of them and strive to overcome. Much like Hachikō themself no matter how great their will, they cannot overcome the impossible, merley embody the very ideal of the peak of what is possible.


    Personal Skills

    Mental Pollution [EX]- A form of corruption or pollution of the mind, at this level the corruption would rival the likes of A rank, but is “beyond the ability to define”, it allows for Hachikō to block out mental interference of any sort below the likes of authorities exercised by the gods upon men. In this way and combined with his saint graph’s condition this could be considered a form of mental pollution so deep it is a form of curse. In this case the pollution is in the form of Hidesaburō Ueno, that is to say Hachikō’s beliefs about him. Of this Hachikō is certain, his master will return. Nothing will change his mind, if told his master has died he will ignore it and dismiss it as lies; If shown his master’s body or bones he will disbelieve his senses convincing him it was someone else; Even if proven his master is dead he would unfailing believe that his master would “somehow” return from the dead to see him again.

    In Hachikō’s mind he is not journeying to change fate, nor embarking on a forgone quest, his master is alive and he will either find him or be reunited with him, that is how it was before, and that is how it always will be.


    Unyielding Will (enduring) [A+]- The ability to never falter to despair, pain, hopelessness or any kind of situation. Due to the characteristics of Hachikō’s legend this doesn’t grant a resistance to harm merley the ability to move past any manner of harm or pain undaunted. When awaiting his master at first Hachikō was cruelly mistreated by the people of Shibuya station, forced to endure all manners of bad weather, and only later was he fed (and also forced to endure the pain of his ongoing cancer and heartworm infection), but despite it all he waited, patiently and faithfully for the day he finally would return


    Noble Phantasm

    Hachikō, The loyal companion - A
    A young, but incredibly famous and powerful noble phantasm and mystery, Hachikō, despite being incredibly young has come to embody the very concept of loyalty to such an extent it has manifested as his Noble Phantasm and gained incredible power as a result. This Noble Phantasm grants Hachikō “existence continuation” a sort of skill described as a hybrid of battle continuation and independent action allowing him to “continue existing” in spite of damage done to him this allowing even normally fatal blows to be survived sometimes for hours or days (when it would normally kill in seconds or minutes at most), it is also because of this power he gives off such an aura of pure loyalty, and why he is a dog (normally he would appear as something more human, but he uses this to stick to his original form, but he has retained the ability to speak). Functionally the limits of this ability mean that the only reasons Hachikō would fade is if his entire being is destroyed, his saint graph receives critical damage, or all of his mana fades away.

    In the theoretical situation where Hidesaburō Ueno was alive (and possibly in danger) and Hachikō had been summoned or existed at some past point (or even if an active connection), then so long as their former summoner was alive, it is quite possible that Hichikō could be “called forth” once again as a creature whose power would rival the likes of a Phantasmal Beast. For such is the extent of Hachikō’s loyalty, time is at the end of the day fintie, but Hachikō’s loyalty and desire to see and protect his master is infinite.
    Anti-unit (self)
    1 person


    Bond CE





    He has not come back yet. He is very late, he has always returned, he has always come back. We have always gone together and we have always reunited. I must not despair, I must not falter, Master will return, he always has he always will. Until then I will wait, I will wait until he comes back.


    Master it has been so long. I have waited so long. How long has it been? I do not remember. But I will not give up, I will not go home. My master has not come back yet, and I will be here when he does. Master, I care not how long it takes, even if my body withers away, my spirit I will stand here forever to find you, to see you once again. I grow tired now. My friends, my allies have been so kind to me, but I cannot leave with them, I must wait for my master. Master, I am very tired, I think I will sleep for now. Will you be back when I awaken?





    I came up with this idea earlier tonight and actually managed to get it down on paper really fast. I have to say I was shocked by how easy it came together, but also given how much the idea stuck with me when it first popped into my mind I think I was very driven to do it justice (I’ve done animal servants before so it wasn’t too out of left field). I definitely took partial inspiration from persona with the ability for Hachikō to potentially be summoned again even after he dies under the proper circumstances (given Heracles defied the impossible by continuing to exist I have little doubt that even if the slightest possibility and connection existed Hachikō could or would strive to do so too). I also went with the end of adding in a bond CE to hopefully do the character justice and fully flesh out the heartfelt nature of his loyalty, yet also the tragedy of his situation. {Trust me if your heart’s aching a little mine is too, this one definitely tugged at my heartstrings to write}

    I know I have to do Erlang Shen’s lore and relationships (I apologize, but I’ve either been busy, it slipped my mind, or I wanted to do other things first), and I will get to that, then after that do the other 15 reviews.
    Last edited by Cursed by Fortuna; June 11th, 2021 at 10:25 PM. Reason: image changed and should should be visible
    The Nasuverse: Everything you know about history is wrong, people don't die when they are killed, The Archer class is not filled with Archers, and King Arthur is a Girl.

    Behold, The Halls of the Lost Souls lies before you

    1st Grail War Idea


    Servant Template and Servant Ideas for anyone's use if they wish

    Favorite Servants I've Read (in no particular order [updates over time])

  14. #4274
    Arthurian Sheetamatic Universe! Morg van Destro's Avatar
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    Alright. I've compiled a list of all the Servants I need to review, and now I just need to take some time to comment. 15. Gotta set aside some binge time.

  15. #4275
    吸血鬼 Vampire Master_Therion's Avatar
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    A dog...
    Attribute: Human
    hmmm.
    I joke, but it is good sheet. Great idea for a new class, i love the Class skills. Man, Hachiko makes me cry everytime.

  16. #4276
    リビングデッド Living Dead
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    Rider

    "Hey. I'm Imhotep, I'm a Rider. Can we move on, Master? I'm on vacation right now."



    True Name: Imhotep (Summer)
    Epithets: Summer King of Administrators
    Class: Rider
    Alternate Classes: Caster, Ruler
    Alignment: Lawful Summer
    Attribute: Sky
    Origin: Historical Fact — Egypt (27th century BC)
    Likes: Vacation time
    Dislikes: Having her vacation interrupted, “The Mummy” movies
    Talent: Many different things.
    Natural Enemy: Imhotep (Caster)
    Armament: Volleyball Mystic Code
    Traits: Brynhildr's Beloved, Divine, Female, Humanoid, Servant, Undead, Weak to Enuma Elish

    Parameters:
    STR: D
    END: B+
    AGI: C
    MGI: A+
    LUK: B
    NP: A+

    Personality
    Her personality hasn’t changed too much from her Caster self… but with her wanting to experience a vacation, she’s become increasingly informal. She has dropped her usual third-person form of speech, being more casual with her Master, and being more vocal with her frustrations as well. She is reluctant to do any actual work while she is like this, insisting that she is on vacation and would not wish to be disturbed from her relaxation. However, she’s still very much a workaholic by nature and even she has difficulties resisting her natural urge to be of use and get work done, more often than not forgoing her relaxation to complete whatever task happens to be presented to her. Of course, that doesn’t stop her from complaining the whole time about how her vacation is getting interrupted.


    Lore
    With summer once again rearing its head and Servants don swim attires, a lone Imhotep prepares to join the fray of summer time antics. Having never experienced a vacation, the great advisor to the pharaohs chooses to experience the fun and relaxation of a summer vacation had to offer! So putting on a swimsuit and a more relaxed attitude she gets ready for her first ever vacation. But with her workaholic attitude, will she be able to relax before summer reaches its end?


    Skills
    Class Skills:

    Divinity: C
    The measure of whether one has Divine Spirit aptitude or not. It seems even under a different class, the curse of undeath brought on by “The Mummy” movies still lingers and hampens her Divinity.

    Riding: A+
    A skill denoting the ability to ride mounts and vehicles. All vehicles and all creatures up to the level of Phantasmal Beast and Divine Beast can be used as mounts. However, that does not apply to members of the Dragon Kind.

    Territory Creation (Resort): A
    A variation of the standard Territory Creation skill, geared more towards the construction of a summer resort. Although she has no real experience in creating such buildings, Imhotep’s peerless talent as an architect and engineer lets her circumvent these shortcomings and produce a truly spectacular resort.

    Personal Skills:

    Beach Mummy: A
    A composite skill that combines the effects of Beach Flower and the effects of Innocent Monster. Despite possessing the body of an undead monster and even covered in the wrapping of a mummy, Imhotep can still gather the yearning gazes of the opposite sex with ease. Some might even say it is a bonus.

    Busybody's Lament: EX
    A Skill (curse) derived from Imhotep’s own personality as a workaholic. No matter how hard she tries to relax and enjoy her vacation, something will inevitably come up and she will focus her attention on it.

    Relaxation Savant: A+
    Merely a renamed version of the Skill Talented in Every Field, in which Imhotep has now put her efforts towards learning skills to maximize her own relaxation.


    Noble Phantasms
    Hapi Procession
    The Divine Bull Who Heralds The Gods

    Rank: A
    Type: Anti-Army
    Range: 2~60
    Maximum Number of Targets: 100

    A Noble Phantasm that allows Imhotep to summon Hapi, a Divine Beast who was the son of the goddess Hathor. Hapi was worshipped in the Memphis region of Egypt and played a significant role in the worship of the gods, acting as an intermediary between humans and other powerful deities.

    Hapi was considered both an aspect and herald of the Ptah, and thus Imhotep herself views the bull as something like a brother. The bull would appear on the mortal plane as a black calf with distinct markings to allow priests to identify him and house him within the Temple of Ptah, where his action would be interpreted as prophecies. Processions of Hapi were considered blessings upon the country. When the current incarnation of the bull dies, the body is buried in a tomb at Ṣaqqārah. It is for this reason that Imhotep is able to summon Hapi as a Noble Phantasm.

    Imhotep manifests this Divine Beast into this world with a Egyptian war chariot attached to it. As a Rider, Hapi acts as Imhotep’s mount. The bull’s charge is capable of pulverizing the enemy, as beams of divine fire are launched from its hooves to scorch the land. The combination of the hooves, the flames, and the wheels of the chariot can deal great physical damage to a target. Should the target fail a saving throw, the damage will be increased. The damage is far greater than a normal charge of the chariot once the True Name of the Noble Phantasm is unleashed.

    The greatest aspect of the Noble Phantasm is the Divine Beast’s ability to be reborn. Even should he be completely destroyed by the enemy, within a day Imhotep can summon Hapi and her chariot back into the world. Even if she were to channel mana into the bull and turn it into a Broken Phantasm, within a day it will return to her. In short, this gives Imhotep a Noble Phantasm that can never truly be destroyed. Although, the bull seems to remember each time it dies and will become increasingly weary of Imhotep should she turn him into a living bomb too frequently.


    Ṣaqqārah Tripod
    Djoser's War Between the Worlds

    Rank: A+
    Type: Anti-Fortress
    Range: 10~50
    Maximum Number of Targets: 500

    The first pyramid ever created, and the crowning jewel of Imhotep’s feats as an engineer. As such she can summon this pyramid as her territory… or at least that’s how it was supposed to be. While normally it would have been a flying fortress, modified by Imhotep herself after taking inspiration from theories that pyramids were made by aliens, it seems that as Rider she has taken some inspiration from a certain science fiction novel and has completely altered it to be more like a vehicle. It loses many of the abilities it would have had as a fortress, but it makes up for that in newfound mobility… At least that’s how Imhotep justifies these changes. One wonders if these design choices were chosen because they possessed an efficiency that no one other than an engineering genius like Imhotep could see, or if she was merely enjoying herself by staying “on theme”.

    Regardless, if Djoser could see what had happened with his monument he would be completely stunned. If not, then the on-board magical AI modeled after him surely would have.

    As a vehicle the pyramid sports three crab-like walking appendages which, despite their unusual mode of locomotion, are actually quite fast and can easily keep up with the mounts of other Riders. Below the main fighting body of the tripod are a pair of metallic tentacles, which are used as both close quarters combat options and as a means for Imhotep to grasp objects with her machine. The “death ray” that would have normally been on the pyramid has been completely replaced, with a powerful high-pressure water cannon being in its place. The water cannon — dubbed “the ultimate squirt gun” by Imhotep, herself — is an extraordinarily powerful weapon, capable of piercing hardened structures and cleaving through them like butter with the sheer force behind the water being fired. The power of the cannon pales in comparison to the old death ray, but Imhotep thought the “squirt gun” was more in-line with the summer season.


    Voice Lines
    Ascensions:

    1st Ascension:
    “Ugh… The whole point of this is to do nothing, Master. Why are you making me work?”

    2nd Ascension: “Another task complete. Can we call it good?”

    3rd Ascension: “I’m getting antsy and the water looks so good…”

    4th Ascension: “Finally! We’re done! Now let’s hit the bar! I could use a drink! ...What do you mean it’s last call?! I just got here!”

    Bonds:

    Bond Lv. 1:
    “Summer fun waits for no one, Master! Do not dilly-dally!”

    Bond Lv. 2: “I know you are my lord and I’m your vizier, but I am on vacation. That means no work, got it?!”

    Bond Lv. 3: "If you work too hard, Master, you won’t relax. Just let me handle it so we can both have fun.”

    Bond Lv. 4: "Imhotep is hard at work. It is a pain, but she does enjoy it. It’ll make relaxing all the better.”

    Bond Lv. 5: "Ahhh… Master, I am tired of working. Can you give me an easy task so I can enjoy my vacation? I can serve as a pillow if it means I don’t have to work.”

    Other:

    Dialogue 1:
    "Swimming, volleyball, surfing. I learned these skills just for the purpose of my glorious vacation!”

    Dialogue 2: “Hmm… Should the outdoor dinning be located by the pool, or merely overlooking it?”

    Dialogue 3: “Ah! Look at the time! I’ve been doing nothing but work!”

    On the Holy Grail: "I just want to enjoy my vacation, dammit…”

    Something You Like: "Relaxing and enjoying my vacation. Fun in the sun and all that!”

    Something You Hate: “Ugh, can you not ask me questions? It is interrupting my vacation..”

    Birthday: "Happy birthday, Master! Imhotep shall prepare the appropriate festivities! Her vacation can be put on hold until then!”


    Relationships
    Pharaohs: “Mighty Pharaohs of Egypt, I am on vacation. Seek my wisdom and counsel some other time. Well… Maybe a few tasks from your glorious selves wouldn’t hurt...”

    Nitocris (Summer): “Lord Medjed?! I- Wait… no, it is Queen Nitocris. Huh.”

    Arthuria Pendragon (Summer Ruler): “A bunny girl! Perfect! I am in need of one for the casino in my resort!”

    Beni-Enma: “Ah, Beni-Enma! Care to assist me with my resort? I have some ideas, but I would seek your counsel on the matter.”



    Creator Notes
    Back again with a new sheet of a character I already made. I was quite proud of my imhotep sheet and this was a fun idea I thought about back when I made the original Imhotep sheet. I feel a Summer version of her would be fun to do, and coming up with NPs and Skills was very funny.


  17. #4277
    吸血鬼 Vampire BnEl15's Avatar
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    So... I ended up writing this after reading realcasually's Guinevere and her interactions with my Eleanor of Aquitaine. I initially planned to write a more comedic interaction involving Eleanor fangirling and questioning Guinevere over even the most mundane aspects of Artoria's life, but I somehow ended up writing this completely serious story instead, highlighting their deeper aspects. I pretty much came up with the setting on the fly (also took a little inspiration from Morg's Arthurian sheets for some namedrops here), so excuse the mess. They might also be somewhat out of character, but well... hope y'all enjoy enjoy it. Realcasually, this one's for you.

    Subspecies Singularity no.???
    Britannia Aeterna
    The Mad King Rules Unchained

    Humanity Foundation Value: C++

    Location: Britain
    Year: 1215 A.D.
    Grail Holder: John Lackland
    Demon God Pillar: Eligos

    One by one, the summoned knights fell before the red queen's sword. Lamorak. Dagonet. Galeholt. Calogrenat. Dinadan.

    "Y'know, I never thought I'd get to face my childhood heroes in combat, but they're all like, sooo~ underwhelming, you hear me?" The queen in red remarked with her usual airheaded smile, contradicting the sight of her bloodstained sword.

    Her opponent, a girl clad in blue, could only look in desperation as each of her knights fell, one after the other. She had tried every conceivable strategy, yet... Wait, perhaps not every strategy just yet, but summoning him would...

    "Come ooon~ When are you gonna give me the big guys? Palamedes? Tristan? Gaheris? or..." The queen smiled maliciously as she made her way to the girl's side, putting emphasis on her next word. "
    Lancelot
    him
    ?"

    Angered, the girl quickly conjured a sword with her magecraft. She lashed out, only for the queen to block her strike with ease.

    "Right, right, I suppose that one is a touchy subject. Aaaanyway, I suppose that's enough playing around for now. I see what you're trying to do now." The Queen's smile faded as she dropped her usual attitude. "Acting as a distraction while the Master of Chaldea made his way to John's throne room... Are you so eager to meet death at my hands?"

    The girl smiled, resigned to her fate. "Yes. In the end, I... I offered myself to act as bait. Back then, my own selfishness doomed Camelot, and now, the world tasked me with destroying this 'Eternal Camelot' that your son is trying to establish... Maybe this is the world's way of punishing me. I knew it. I knew that I've lost my chance at happiness, after everything I did. E-Even so! This time around, at the very least-"

    "CEASE THAT PATHETIC DRIVEL OF YOURS!" The red queen commanded, cutting her off. For a second, the girl could swear she saw something in her eyes; something beyond her usual arrogance.

    "A-Ahem. right, I suppose I've lost my composure a bit there, but it needs to be said." The red queen coughed. "By all accounts, I should quickly end you here, and make my way to the throne room to deal with the rest of those invaders. However, that thing you said just now reaaaallyy rubs me the wrong way. So screw it. For once, I'm going to make another stupid decision and take my time here to deal with you."

    The queen's sword, her false Excalibur, dematerialized. The thought of lashing out with another surprise attack briefly crossed Guinevere's mind, but she quickly shot down that idea. This queen dematerialized her weapon not out of foolishness, but out of sheer confidence in the fact that no matter what her opponent does, she would be able to counter it with ease. And she's right; the mana cost had really started to take a toll on her body after those constant summoning spells.

    "Ever since I sensed Chaldea's presence here through my Court of Love, I knew they'd be trouble. However, do you know who I'm really pissed off at right now? YOU! The legendary Guinevere, queen of Camelot, wife of the Once-And-Future-King! When I heard you'd been summoned, I was ecstatic! How could I not!? You were, and still is, one of my favorite childhood heroes! Tales of you and Artoria kept me alive, granted me hope even in my darkest days! But the girl I saw before me now..?"

    Eleanor felt genuine anger in her words; something she had not felt in a long time. Yet this anger was different from the time Henry sentenced her to imprisonment. There was also a hint of sorrow. To have the legendary Guinevere reduced to an emotional wreck, constantly drowning in regrets, trapped in a dark tunnel of hopelessness with no way out... Of course, she understands why she might be like this, considering what happened in her legend, but still-! When she saw her opponent standing before her, she did not see the majestic queen of Camelot. Insead, she saw a helpless young girl, her mind clouded in doubts and regrets. One who would give it her all for the sake of things she cared about, but would happily welcome death all the same, thinking it to be some twisted form of escape, or even a well-deserved punishment. In a way, Eleanor saw a part of her younger self in her. Maybe that's why she's so irrationally pissed off at her... not that she would admit it, though.

    "You know what? As much as I love them, I'm not one to talk about honor, chivalry, and the like. Yet despite all that, even I can see that there's no point in cutting you down here." Eleanor shrugged. "We all make mistakes, that much is certain. I'd be lying if I say I died with no regrets. Now with all due respect, the only thing that differentiates me from you, is that I actually decided to do something about those mistakes! When John got his hands on that Grail, I was the first to answer his call! It was a chance for me to be a proper mother to him, after all the unrealistic expectations I placed on his shoulders all those years ago! Some would call my actions misguided, if not worse, and I know doing so would put Proper Human History in jeopardy, but I don't care anymore! This is a chance to grant his happiness, which translates into mine!"

    "And you? What have you done, with this second chance at life?" Eleanor questioned. "Will you continue to rot away, drowning in past regrets without doing anything about them? How long will you continue punish yourself, saying all those pathetic excuses on how you're beyond redemption, and all that!? You're a queen, for God's sake! So act like one! Hold your head high! BE selfish! Stop boring me with those self-deprecating remarks and fight for the things you believe in! If you truly fight for the sake of Proper Human History, if you really think doing that could 'redeem' you or whatever, or if you simply think that fighting for Proper Human History is the right thing to do... Then do it! Prove your convictions with your actions! Don't hold anything back, and strike me down here and now!"

    The red queen noticed her opponent regaining her strength, preparing for another summoning ritual.

    "Looks like you've only got enough mana for one more ritual... so be it. In fact, this is more like it!" Eleanor smiled, the fury of battle returning to her eyes as she manifested her false Excalibur once again. "Show me that you truly are the Queen of Knights! The legendary Queen who ruled over Camelot alongside Artoria Pendragon!"

    The two charged their Noble Phantasms. Guinevere's summoning circle began to glow with an otherworldly aura, while Eleanor's 'Excalibur' began to radiate a glorious, golden light.

    Simultaneously, the two queens released their Noble Phantasm's True Names.

    "RÍve de Britannia!"
    "Assembling Round Table!"

    Creator's Notes/Fun Facts
    - So the premise of this EoR style singularity is that King John somehow got his hands on a Grail and made a contract with a Demon Pillar. He then summoned a bunch of Servants to enforce his rule (Eleanor being the first summoned), and the Magna Carta was never signed, among all things. Furthermore, tired of all the constant rebellions under his rule, John aims to use the Grail to turn Britain back into Camelot in its glory days (unbeknownst to John himself, this is not the 'true' Camelot, but simply a recreation of the Kingdom according to the legends he heard as a child, a perfect utopia without any kind of violence, war, or rebellion (at least until Mordred came along)).

    - Eleanor serves as John's closest advisor here. She sees this as a chance to atone for her mistakes as a mother, but deep down, she also knows that it's not morally right for John to reject the entirety of Human History in favor of his warped definition of peace. Aside from her grievances with Guinevere, this is also why she chose to give Guin a pep talk instead of rushing to protect John. A part of her wants to be stopped.

    - It might be somewhat hypocritical of her to tell Guin to "stop living in the past and do something about your regrets instead of simply drowning in them" while (at least in this specific situation) she's doing the same (helping John out of past regrets), but well... I guess it adds another layer of depth to them. Maybe Guin could even point out that hypocrisy herself, though I'm not entirely sure how to write her lines.

    - Normally, Eleanor's NP would drain the mana used for Guin's NP and allocates it to power her excaliblast instead, but for plot reasons, this doesn't happen here. Let's just chalk it up to her going easy on Guin, or the previous "secretly wanted to be defeated" part. Meanwhile, I imagine Eleanor's pep talk would finally motivate Guin to get over her crippling sense of guilt (if just temporarily) and summon Lancelot, who proceeded to defeat Eleanor. Guin still burned through her mana reserves for that spell though, so the battle ended in mutual destruction, with the two queens having reconciled their differences. They would have more comedic interactions in Chaldea, but that would be a story for another time...
    Last edited by BnEl15; June 13th, 2021 at 12:21 PM.
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    Arthurian Sheetamatic Universe! Morg van Destro's Avatar
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    I like it, if a bit overdramatic (not that I'm one to talk), but I call bull on those victories. I can only speak for mine, but Galeholt is probably the only that would normally lose to her, and that's basically because he doesn't have any resistances to her authority. If it's my Calogrenat, he comes back from the dead like it's a thing to do, meaning she'd have to completely obliterate his body, which would be a pretty tricky thing for her to do, and Dagonet can resist literally any authority she has just by holding Egeking, let alone his Valor. It's possible he could even parry RÍve de Britannia because, unlike Excalibur, the beam itself is an extension of her authority, but that's debatable.
    This is probably a silly thing to push back on, considering what the actual point of it is, but I'm a nitpicky fool. Is a good story, that aside.

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    吸血鬼 Vampire BnEl15's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Morg van Destro View Post
    I like it, if a bit overdramatic (not that I'm one to talk), but I call bull on those victories. I can only speak for mine, but Galeholt is probably the only that would normally lose to her, and that's basically because he doesn't have any resistances to her authority. If it's my Calogrenat, he comes back from the dead like it's a thing to do, meaning she'd have to completely obliterate his body, which would be a pretty tricky thing for her to do, and Dagonet can resist literally any authority she has just by holding Egeking, let alone his Valor. It's possible he could even parry RÍve de Britannia because, unlike Excalibur, the beam itself is an extension of her authority, but that's debatable.
    This is probably a silly thing to push back on, considering what the actual point of it is, but I'm a nitpicky fool. Is a good story, that aside.
    Yeah, I doubt Eleanor could ever actually beat any of them in an actual fight (with the exception of Galeholt, as you said, but even that would be a very close match). As "shadows" summoned by Guinevere though? They only have a fraction of their original powers, not to mention their attention is divided due to having to protect Guin, who's extremely vulnerable for the duration of their summoning. Under those circumstances, Eleanor might just win, if not through brute force, by outsmarting them or just stalling until the mana cost proves too much for Guin to handle, forcing her to deactivate the NP. That's my justification, at least.

    You're 100% right about it being overdramatic though. I live for such drama.
    Last edited by BnEl15; June 13th, 2021 at 01:38 PM.
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    Arthurian Sheetamatic Universe! Morg van Destro's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BnEl15 View Post
    Yeah, I doubt Eleanor could ever actually beat any of them in an actual fight (with the exception of Galeholt, as you said, but even that would be a very close match). As "shadows" summoned by Guinevere though? They only have a fraction of their original powers, not to mention their attention is divided due to having to protect Guin, who's extremely vulnerable for the duration of their summoning. Under those circumstances, Eleanor might just win, if not through brute force, by outsmarting them or just stalling until the mana cost proves too much for Guin to handle, forcing her to deactivate the NP. That's my justification, at least.
    As shadows? Yeah, a lot more probable. That is, unless she summons them all at once. I don't remember reading a restriction on how many she can summon aside from being self-destructive, something she would probably be fine doing in this situation.

    Quote Originally Posted by BnEl15 View Post
    You're 100% right about it being overdramatic though. I live for such drama.
    ...None of you have read Fate/Without Justice, have you? You want drama?! I'll give you drama!

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