Create-A-Servant 3

[Comun]

The only Pretender that we know lacks the love for humanity, so no.

[Kamera]

Raphael



Class: Caster
True Name: Raffaello Sanzio da Urbino
Gender: Male
Source: Historical Facts
Origin: Italy
Alignment: Lawful Good
Height: 152 cm
Weight: 43 kg

Strength: E
Endurance: D
Agility: D
Mana: A
Luck: A
NP: A

Class skills
Territory Creation: A-
Makes a territory advantageous to oneself as a mage.
Though capable of constructing territories as grand as a basilica, Raphael instead prefers to build a smaller and more comfortable painter’s workshop. Perhaps it’s because such large territory reminds him of his bitter rivalry against Michelangelo, whose skill as an architect surpass his own.

Item Construction: B+
Can create tools tinged with mana.
Raphael’s obvious forte is his paintings, and in pure refinery he indeed can be considered the best. The paintings this Servant produces reveal to its beholder an experience as if they were absorbed into the scene depicted, as though they are taken to a contained mental space. Depending on the content and intention of the painting, this either provides buffs to allies or debuffs to enemies.

Personal skills
Papal Protection: A+
A sacred privilege given to the closest of the Pope’s associates.
It is a somewhat affectionate consecration received from two successive popes who treasured Raphael as if their own son. It bestows various defensive holy effects which includes Magic Resistance, protection against of demonic possession, curse warding, and the ability to temporarily summon through painting the Pope’s Swiss Guards, whose blessed armaments Raphael designed.
Perhaps these boons reflect more of Raphael’s own stalwartness.

Eternal Pursuit of Ideal Beauty: EX
The principle which characterizes the essence of Raphael’s works.
Undoubtedly, he had all the talents, he all had the dedication, and he all had the resources, those with which he could paint the most elegant of arts. What Raphael lacked however, was the ability to feel love.
Without love, he himself could not see true beauty, all the reason he sought it even more.

High-Speed Drawing: A
The aptitude for painting at heightened speed while maintaining precision and focus.
Born into a family of prestigious artists, from early age to his early death, Raphael has completed more paintings than any of his contemporaries that lived to their later years.
With each stroke, Raphael creates harmonious colours that rapidly transform the world around closer to his vision of beauty, with urgency as if knowing he has no time to lose.

Noble Phantasm
Stanza della Signatura - Painted Room of Wisdom’s Harmonious Light
Rank: C
Type: Anti-Unit (self)
Range: 1
Maximum number of targets: 1 person

An invitation to a room that takes one to a brief journey worth several lifetimes of experience.
A Noble Phantasm that embodies the Four Raphael Rooms within the Vatican Palace, each housing four of his most well-known paintings.

Raphael paints up to sixteen different scenarios with the target as the model, and when done, they will be sent to experience more than a dozen insightful life-changing events in an instant. Perhaps they will become a better person, perhaps they can now overcome their fears, perhaps they can now feel hope.

With sincere heart, Raphael invokes a warm, bright and gentle prayer.

Stanza dell'Incendio Amore - Painted Room of Love’s Sublimating Fire
Rank: A
Type: Anti-Army
Range: 1 ~ 20
Maximum number of targets: 200 people

The perfect beauty that Raphael finally found.
A Noble Phantasm that can be activated once Raphael rekindle the flame that he saw near the end of his life. A flame that rapidly consumes his very soul, a flame he used to paint a portrait of a young lady, La Formarina, his embodiment of the perfect beauty.

Perhaps she was really the perfect beauty he sought for, perhaps she was just his own Galatea conjured from his mind, perhaps she was a demon influencing him. In the end it doesn’t matter. His flame of love alighted, and Raphael can finally use it paint his masterpiece.

At the cost of also burning his own Saint Graph, this Noble Phantasm manifests a reality marble with a single giant painting within it. A painting that evokes intense burning feeling to anyone who beholds it, which literally burn their heart from within.

[Manthano]

Oh wow, a Raphael sheet! Great, he really deserves some love! The NPs are sweet.

Wow that is one side of Diomedes rarely ever seen. Everyone just expects him to be some angry dude, which genuinely speaking he had reasons to Achilles was a prima donna that killed his cousin and doomed countless soldiers with his tantrums and Odysseus was a team-killing honor-stealing retard so Diomedes getting some wisdom for managing those idiots for nearly a decade is expected

A pity we might never see him in FGO or they might just use him to make Achilles look better. Then again Higashide has gotten better and I don't remember any shenaniganery like that from him, unlike Sakurai who has to like add all the cool things to Raikou. Beasts? Lol Raikou has independent manifestation. Mechas? Well Ares machine corpse drifted all the way to Japan whole and intact despite you know Seifar wrecking it and the local japanese gods didn't use it at all. And that insistence on syncretism when Raikou never ever interacts with buddhist or hindu servants (Meme summers don't count)

Haha, that's precisely why I went for this side instead of the better known ones. Considering the bullshit the idiots around him pull, this man's self-restraint is absolutely inhuman. Agamemnon alone seems to be intent on making as many blunders as possible.
I'm not a fan of Higashide's take on Achilles, mainly because I miss all the crazy from the Iliad. He's a selfish drama queen, not a generic chill bro! But oh well. At least we don't have to deal with a genderbent or badly characterized Diomedes. That would have been much worse than ignoring him.

[Kabalisto Koga]

Oh wow, a Raphael sheet! Great, he really deserves some love! The NPs are sweet.





Haha, that's precisely why I went for this side instead of the better known ones. Considering the bullshit the idiots around him pull, this man's self-restraint is absolutely inhuman. Agamemnon alone seems to be intent on making as many blunders as possible.
I'm not a fan of Higashide's take on Achilles, mainly because I miss all the crazy from the Iliad. He's a selfish drama queen, not a generic chill bro! But oh well. At least we don't have to deal with a genderbent or badly characterized Diomedes. That would have been much worse than ignoring him.

Well we must not forget that the mindsets of the people at that tim ewere different then today , how do you see actually Jasons portrayal in grand order i cant stand him as i feel pity for Medea .

Also i hope that you show. Us much more servants from you as new members here are quite seldom. Also i think that the legends are slowing a certain degree of interpretation as what is Heracles symbolize for you out of curiosity and as example ?

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Raphael good profile but it lacks in personality i must say ,however as this is you first servant here also a official welcome now at you here !

[Cursed by Fortuna]

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[BoktaiMoon]

Eh Siegfried Robot breaking Brunhilda's limbs so his king gets to...ahem tame her makes sense with his characterization

Siegfried's whole thing is supposed to find his own justice and not just serving the justice of others. There are parallels and VA jokes to the Emiyas but Siegfried's thing is way different from them. Closest thing you'd have would be huh......post fire Shirou being a super freaky magus and being used by everyone around him as a beatstick and they heap praises and call him righteous only for one of his actions to backfire tremendously (urged on by others) and seeing no way out but dying

Siegfried was a doormat essentially speaking, an extremely strong one, but a doormat at the end of his life

At least that's the way I see it

[Kamera]

Oh wow, a Raphael sheet! Great, he really deserves some love! The NPs are sweet.

Thank you!

Raphael good profile but it lacks in personality i must say ,however as this is you first servant here also a official welcome now at you here !

Thanks for the welcome! But what do you mean by "lack of personality"?

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Oh nvm! you meant personality section, right. Well, for one i'm just testing the waters for now, not really committed to making a full profile yet. Maybe I will add it later.

[Kabalisto Koga]

Thank you!

Thanks for the welcome! But what do you mean by "lack of personality"?

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Oh nvm! you meant personality section, right. Well, for one i'm just testing the waters for now, not really committed to making a full profile yet. Maybe I will add it later.

yeah i meant the personality section , and one of Raphaels paintings the School of Athen would work as first class multi servant catalyst as there are the greatest Western Philosophers depicted thus could it work like the argo or round table shards as catalyst for them .

[Wyvern]

Raphael:

A pretty solid work in terms of grammar. A simple but to the point format. The only thing I could see issues with is how... overwhelmingly positive the kit is? Like, maybe its a personal preference but I find that my own sheets are better when I make it a point to include how summoning that servant can be disadvantageous. Or how there might be weaknesses and parts where they don't excel.

The only thing keeping this sheet somewhat balanced are the abysmal physical stats.

But at the same time... hmm... how to put it better.

The Skills and NP don't feel as well rounded because don't have moments of circumstances where they would be weaker or less useful? Being an artist Servant it would make sense for its skills relating to art to be high level but in my personal opinion there should always be an element in the sheet that says 'this is how they can win, but this is what might keep them from doing so'.

All in all, a pretty solid work with creative skills and noble phantasms. My only advice is to look into balancing a servant with traits which might hamper them.

But its all a matter of personal perspective so take this with a grain of salt.

[Kamera]

Thanks for the feedback!
To answer balancing concerns... uh... I don't get it. For one Raphael doesnt have much offensive capability and even the only thing he has that can kill servants is his *suicide* NP. Also I don't see why Servant skills have to include weaknesses??? Like even in canon there's not much of that? Or is your issue more with his skills all being A and above ranked?

[Master_Therion]

Honestly, you could have a weak servant and even then they could have skills at A++. An example could be Li Shuwen, who is a recent servant yet is stacked with high level skills

[Wyvern]

I don't mind the ranks much. They are appropriate to a famous figure. And as you said, Raphael can't hurt anyone beyond the suicide NP.

What I meant is that most skills usually have some kind of intrinsic limitation or price to them? Like, Protection from Arrows can be bypassed by explosive projectiles. Or how skills like Valor are negated by Mad Enhancement.

In my opinion, the Pursuit of Beauty Skill is perfect because it serves to show negative traits such as the lack of personal love Raphael feels and how it drives the further pursuit of beauty. I think that going forward, you should look into including a small description of their personality as well as background. Things that serve to humanize the sheet instead of just listing the advantages of the servant?

Yeah, that's a good way of explaining it.

Humanize the character by showing the less advantageous traits they have as people or in their skills. You have already the creativity and skill to come up with good abilities and noble phantasms, so my advice is to look into further developing the 'character' of the sheet.

[DelRey]

I think how wyverns tries to explain it is good. Not only using skills and NP as descriptions for what they can do, they can be used to tell their story and their personality as well. And people have personality flaws. But it is a flavor thing, one can establish the soul of a sheet through various means and everyone of the regular creators here accomplishes it differently.

[BnEl15]

I don't mind the ranks much. They are appropriate to a famous figure. And as you said, Raphael can't hurt anyone beyond the suicide NP.

What I meant is that most skills usually have some kind of intrinsic limitation or price to them? Like, Protection from Arrows can be bypassed by explosive projectiles. Or how skills like Valor are negated by Mad Enhancement.

In my opinion, the Pursuit of Beauty Skill is perfect because it serves to show negative traits such as the lack of personal love Raphael feels and how it drives the further pursuit of beauty. I think that going forward, you should look into including a small description of their personality as well as background. Things that serve to humanize the sheet instead of just listing the advantages of the servant?

Yeah, that's a good way of explaining it.

Humanize the character by showing the less advantageous traits they have as people or in their skills. You have already the creativity and skill to come up with good abilities and noble phantasms, so my advice is to look into further developing the 'character' of the sheet.

Very much agree with this. If you're not confident enough to write full-fledged lore and personality sections yet, adding a bit more flavor text could add some character to the sheet. Standard limitations to the Skill may help, or instances where this Skill could prove to be most useful or useless, or maybe even the Servant's own thoughts regarding the Skill in question.

Aside from that, having all Skills ranked A or EX isn't always necessarily bad/overpowered, so long as you have proper justifications and limitations for it. Like maybe this Skill is ranked A, but its range/effectiveness/duration is limited, or it possesses some specific weakness that an enemy can exploit.

[Kabalisto Koga]

I don't mind the ranks much. They are appropriate to a famous figure. And as you said, Raphael can't hurt anyone beyond the suicide NP.

What I meant is that most skills usually have some kind of intrinsic limitation or price to them? Like, Protection from Arrows can be bypassed by explosive projectiles. Or how skills like Valor are negated by Mad Enhancement.

In my opinion, the Pursuit of Beauty Skill is perfect because it serves to show negative traits such as the lack of personal love Raphael feels and how it drives the further pursuit of beauty. I think that going forward, you should look into including a small description of their personality as well as background. Things that serve to humanize the sheet instead of just listing the advantages of the servant?

Yeah, that's a good way of explaining it.

Humanize the character by showing the less advantageous traits they have as people or in their skills. You have already the creativity and skill to come up with good abilities and noble phantasms, so my advice is to look into further developing the 'character' of the sheet.

Aren't actually in the most cases servants possessing the best attributes of the person in the most cases if no rumors or misinterpretation are overshadowing them ? Aside that with which servant of your Lostbelt can we with happy expectation wait to see ? And i am still curious about your answer of my message wyvern to be honest.

[Kamera]

I don't mind the ranks much. They are appropriate to a famous figure. And as you said, Raphael can't hurt anyone beyond the suicide NP.

What I meant is that most skills usually have some kind of intrinsic limitation or price to them? Like, Protection from Arrows can be bypassed by explosive projectiles. Or how skills like Valor are negated by Mad Enhancement.

In my opinion, the Pursuit of Beauty Skill is perfect because it serves to show negative traits such as the lack of personal love Raphael feels and how it drives the further pursuit of beauty. I think that going forward, you should look into including a small description of their personality as well as background. Things that serve to humanize the sheet instead of just listing the advantages of the servant?

Yeah, that's a good way of explaining it.

Humanize the character by showing the less advantageous traits they have as people or in their skills. You have already the creativity and skill to come up with good abilities and noble phantasms, so my advice is to look into further developing the 'character' of the sheet.

Thats why I don't see the issue here. The Rapahel sheet do have Skill and NP that shows weaknesses. As you said, the Pursuit of Beauty skill and asi mentioned the suicide NP.

[Wyvern]

Which is why I mentioned earlier that it was more of a personal preference for me. 'Humanizing' a character is less about flaws on their skills and personality flaws, but a mingling of both. Everyone does it a different way. And you did it well for the Skill and Noble Phantasm. Which means if you ever get around to adding lore sections and personality sections, you cna apply that same mindset to round out the character and increase the quality of the sheet over all.

You haven't done anything wrong. If you keep that mindset, I'm sure your sheets will only get better over time.

[Kamera]

Don't get why one would be concerned with min-maxing powerlevels tbh. I prefer sheets that can better represent the figure they're supposed to be based on, one that is more narrative driven, not one that is limited by game-brained mechanics. Unless the figure has obvious weakness/limitation in their life that must be represented, I don't really see how arbitrarily making up weakness is going to be anything but a disservice. Maybe i'm being too defensive, but this angle of criticism comes off as irrelevant, especially since the sheet involved does in fact have those "moments of circumstances where they would be weaker or less useful" you mention.

[BnEl15]

I agree that sheets shouldn't revolve purely around power levels, but limitations and clearer descriptions on the Skills is more than a "game-brained mechanic", at least for my own writing style. Sometimes they can be helpful in giving the Servant more character by outlining what they can or can't do. It's not limiting for the sake of limiting, and you certainly shouldn't just manufacture new weaknesses out of nowhere, but it's about making sure that the Skill lines up with the lore/personality of the character in question. For example, Ryoma has Charisma at rank C+, where "he cannot rule a country, but he can hold a firm connection with comrades who share his will", that's the type of limits I'm talking about. Just a description of the Skill's scope and what it entails for the Servant in question.

Looking at Raphael's personal Skills, you did this pretty well with Papal Protection and High-Speed Drawing, but I still have gripes with Eternal Pursuit of Ideal Beauty. Basically, it's "an essence of Raphael's works", but what does it do? Papal Protection grants protection against magic, and High-Speed Drawing allows him to draw quickly, but what does Eternal Pursuit of Ideal Beauty do? What kind of abilities does it grant him? Is it a variation of Eye for Art, born from his unique perspective on art, or something similar to Single-Mindedness or Mental Pollution, denoting his sheer determination to pursue his "ideal beauty"?

Returning to the previous Ryoma example, it's the same gripe I have with his Hero of Restoration Skill (Having overcome the riotous closing days of the shogunate and contributed to the Meiji Restoration, a rare historical grand reformation, this is a special skill granted to Ryoma). It's a good representation of his character, but what does it do? If it's just a title/abstract principle/personal mindset that offers nothing else, why make it into a Skill at all? With the same logic, Artoria should have a Skill called The King of Knights or something like that.

Anyway, this is just a look into my somewhat pragmatic writing style, and there's nothing really wrong with yours. We've had users like Kamerad with very brief and abstract Skill descriptions, and his sheets are great in their own ways. If that's really your writing style, go for it. I'm sure you'll only get better with experience here.

[Kamera]

That's some good points. I see where you're coming from now. Thanks!

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Also,, the brief and abstract style comes more from me trying to copy the spirit of FGO material profiles than anything else