“Oi, Number Five.”
The gray-haired girl calmly put down the book she had been reading as she ate. Her sole visible eye looked up at the sudden interloper.
“My name is Cinque, Vita-san. I happen to know you are aware of that.”
“Whatever, Cinco.”
The hammer knight’s hand fell harshly on the table, startling all the other people dining in the TSAB building’s public cafeteria. Cinque stoically watched her tray jump a few millimeters, her juice trembling portentously. She then looked back up at the redhead, who did not have the most amicable look on her face.
“…you seem to be bothered by something.”
“Really. How perceptive of you,” the smaller girl spat, as if each and every word were a vile insult. “I saw the most interesting thing yesterday, Cookie.”
Vita leaned over the table in what Cinque presumed was supposed to be an intimidating posture.
“You…seemed to be having an interesting time with Emiya yesterday.”
Cinque Nakajima’s head tilted almost imperceptibly.
“…ah. Yes. We were testing my Rumble Detonator with his magical weaponry,” the girl explained with a hint of a smile. “The results were…fascinating. I believe we might be close to developing a powerful suite of combination attacks.”
Somehow and for some reason that sentence made vita’s pupils blaze most mightily.
“…huh. Well, isn’t that great, Calpis.”
“Like I said, that is not my—”
“And you rather…involved at the Infinity Library some days ago as well, hmm…?”
“The Infinity…?” Cinque needed a moment to think back on her last visit. “Oh, yes, yes: I was looking for this report but ended up in a most engaging discussion over AMF mechanisms with Yuuno-san and Rin-san. To be honest, I was profoundly impressed by Yuuno-san’s technical knowledge of the matter. He is no ordinary librarian, is he?”
“No, he is not. Believe me, I know.”
“Ah. The Hückebein Incident, yes. I believe you were there as well.”
“Yes. I was there. Fighting. By his side.”
“And I am sure he is most grateful.”
Vita’s eyes narrowed menacingly, but Cinque’s stare remained imperturbable. It was precisely that which bothered Vita of the Wolkenritter the most.
She was not good at dealing with this kind of person. But she knew better!
Vita’s second hand fell on the table. By this point, she was basically on all fours on the horizontal surface, looming over Cinque like a hungry hyena.
“What’s. The big plan. Choco.”
Finally, albeit just barely, an eyebrow was raised.
“I have no idea what you speak of. And my name is Cinque.”
“Don’t fuck with me!”
People jumped in neighboring tables. Cinque’s eyebrow moved three-eighths of an inch higher.
“You think I’m some sort of retard!?” The knight of the iron hammer hissed. “Supporting Chrono’s budget proposals in front of the higher-ups? Going on drinking binges with Yuuno and Zafira? Picking up Vivio at school when Emiya can’t!? Who the fuck do you think you are!?”
Cinque’s lips curved slightly, as she was seemingly amused by the other girl’s outburst.
“…a friend, perhaps?”
Vita’s hands slammed the table again, and those who had yet to scamper away from the scene finally did so.
“You’re going for my spot, Kinky. And that. Does. Not. Fly by me.”
“Your…spot?”
Vita loomed over the fair-haired cyborg until their noses were almost touching.
“There’s room for only one loli in Team Awesome, Chagas, and that spot’s already. Taken.”
“Did you just turn my name into something absolutely bizarre?”
“Stop! Looking down on me, Quetzal.”
Cinque stared at the looming girl, her single eye unblinking and unmoving, returning Vita’s glare with absolute impassiveness. Not for long, however.
The former associate of Jail Scaglietti snorted, blowing warm air on Vita’s face.
“…and what if I am?”
The redhead’s eyes glowered with poorly restrained fury.
“Youuuuuuu…!”
“See?” Resting her head on her left hand and letting her elbow fall on the table, Cinque returned Vita’s ire with plain contempt. “That’s the issue. That’s why I think I would be so much better for them.”
Her eye narrowed teasingly as her lips curved into an unusual smirk.
“You’re so…crass.”
“Heeh?” Vita now looked just plain disgusted. “That supposed to be an insult?”
“Really, look at yourself, standing on all fours on a table in the middle of a public diner,” Cinque continued, seemingly not having paid the slightest attention to the other girl. “So…raucous and uneducated. You keep pulling them along with your immaturity, when you could instead bring the best out of them, like a true friend should. It’s depressing to watch what such promising individuals become when in the company of someone like you.”
After Cinque made her point, a heavy silence fell upon the large room. While the tables were now empty, an increasing audience watched the scene in transfixed silence from what they assumed was a safe distance.
Vita…guffawed.
“Pfft! Haha, ahaha…hah, aha, hahaha…wahahahaha!”
Cinque wordlessly and motionlessly waited for the other girl to conclude her bellowing, mocking laughter.
“Oh, oh man, damn…haha, sheesh…” The redhead said as she dried a tear off her right eye. “And I thought I had to worry about you? So maybe I’m a retard after all.”
She stepped off the table and dusted off her skirt in what seemed like a routine gesture rather than a genuine attempt at getting rid of dirt on her clothes.
“Yeah, sure, do whatever you want. Keep working hard, Conker~”
“Hmm? Are you sure about that, Vita-san?”
“Meh, don’ care anymore.” With her back to the grey-haired girl, Vita made a dismissing gesture with her right hand. “You… don’t have the slightest idea, do you?” She chuckled. “You might already be their friend, but there’s no way in hell you can be a bro.”
Cinque frowned as she was confronted with an unfamiliar term.
“A…’bro’…?”
A snort.
“And that, Clique, is why I have absolutely no reason to worry about ya. Seriously, what’s the big deal? Did Subaru and Ginga get tired of you and you’re now looking for new people to hang out with?”
For the first time, Cinque reacted in a hostile manner, glaring daggers at Vita’s back. To even imply something like that about the people who had become her family was a terrible insult to her.
“…it’s precisely because you’re such an uncouth individual that your influence on those remarkable men should be—”
“Ah, yes, yes, such a lovely and righteous spiel~” Vita interrupted with a clearly mocking tone, which was quickly replaced with a potent and eloquent tone of confrontation. “Spare me the bullcrap, Kokos.”
“I don’t know…hell, I don’t care to know why you suddenly decided you had the right to tell me who I can or cannot hang out with. I just see a moron who has no idea what she’s talking about.”
“I’m fairly sure I made my point clear—”
Vita suddenly spun to face the other girl. Her eyes brimmed with potent emotions, and she spoke with the utmost pride of one who defends the things precious to her.
“Those four idiots, I love them. Every single moment I spend with them is just plain great, and I cannot imagine my life without the joy of fooling around with them.”
Her hand went up to her forehead, and she then swiped it over her hair in a gesture that could mean many things.
“Gosh, I love them so much I can even say this sort of embarrassing crap. Just don’t tell them I said that; I’ll never hear the end of it. Gods, Chrono would have a field day…”
Yet another snort.
“But anyway, just do whatever the hell you want. Hang out with them or whatever; I think it’s great if you guys can be on good terms after everything that happened. That doesn’t matter to me.”
Yeah, she had been an idiot.
Why would she feel threatened by this silly girl?
She, who had fought, bled, cried, laughed, raged and gotten piss drunk by their side?
She, who had taken over Chrono’s mission so that he could be at his daughter’s side when she got terribly ill?
She, who had found and beaten then crap out of the burglars who robbed the jewelry shop where Yuuno’s and Rin’s ring had been crafted and retrieved it mere hours before the ceremony?
She, who most eloquently convinced Arf and Zafira that, goddammit, Fate and Hayate are big girls now; the time has come for the Familiars to start building their own paths in life?
She, who went to great troubles to lock Shirou and the Three Aces in a single room and did not let them out until that pathetic excuse of a hero screwed them silly?
On a side note, that was the most horrible night of her life—she heard everything.
What did she, Vita of the Wolkenritter, have to fear from this girl?
Her bond with those four, did she not witness undeniable proof of how strong it was every single time their eyes met? Don’t their brimming irises and warm smiles tell her every single time that she is as irreplaceable to them as they are to her?
She was a bro, god damn it! What kind of bro would be threatened by some…idiot brat!?
Those four had filled a hole in her heart she had not known existed until they bonded! They showed her that her world should not be reduced to her Mistress and her fellow knights! That the peaceful, everyday life could be so much fun!
“How could you…?” Vita realized. “How could you possibly get in the way of that?”
Chuckling to herself and her idiocy, Vita of the Wolkenritter turned her back to the cyborg and began to walk away. The audience, disappointed for some reason, also began to disperse as they saw the confrontation had seemingly come to an end.
And then Cinque dropped the bomb.
“So you do not mind me telling Emiya-san he does not need to cook lunch for Vita-san anymo—!”
Fist met face.
Fist was not particularly fond of face.
On that day, Cinque Nakajima and pretty much the entirety of the TSAB forces after the tale spread learned a most valuable of lessons.
Whatever you do, do not fucking get in the way of Vita of the Wolkenritter and Emiya Shirou’s cooking.
*******
The classy double doors leading to Admiral Chrono Harlaown’s office opened loudly and abruptly, interrupting his regular meeting with the Three Aces.
An excited Zafira grinned like a lunatic just beyond the doorframe.
“CATFIGHT!”
The group of four mages blinked as one.
“…what?” That was Chrono.
“Catfight!” Zafira repeared. “Vita and Cinque are having a catfight in the adjacent building! It’s amazing!”
“…why?” Hayate had to ask.
“I don’t know! I DON’T CARE! CATFIGHT!”
Chrono cleared his throat and drummed his stack of reports against his desk exactly twice.
“Ladies, as you can see, a matter of the utmost importance has come up.”
The three young women stared at Chrono with flat, unappreciative expressions. The genius Admiral, however, was already halfway out of the office, returning Zafira’s grin with an eager grin of his own.
“CATFIGHT!” was the shared war cry of the two men as they disappeared from the girl’s field of vision.
“…and it was in that moment, in that precise moment, that I realized my big brother is an idiot.”
Fate’s head quickly jerked in the direction of the smirking Hayate.
“Do-don’t add some weird dialogue to my life, Hayate!”
*******
Omake – END
Originally Posted by Daneel Rush
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