Results 1 to 5 of 5

Thread: The shadow of EMIYA.

  1. #1
    死者 The Dead Anjels's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2020

    The shadow of EMIYA.

    Hi how are you? I'm new to this type of post, so I ask that you have a little patience, I'm accepting criticism to help the story, and well, I wish you a good reading.
    bye Bye.


    I didn't know how I ended up here.

    My last memory was clearly going to bed, right after I had the feeling of being pulled, that's when I was thrown into this damn fire.

    I had to get out of here.

    I had to survive.

    I didn't know how long I was here.

    I forced my overworked legs to move, the scorching heat around me burning my skin.

    I didn't know what it was like or when I got here

    My clothes had been burned a long time ago.

    The pain was constant, I could hear the cries for help from people around me.

    I could not help them, this demonic fire seemed to have a life of its own and seemed to chase these people like an animal chasing those whose weakness was demonstrated.

    I was afraid of the fire, the screams of pain and despair were too real.

    However, at the same time, I was in denial.

    In that case, I couldn't take any chances.

    I would survive this.

    It was not possible weakness had to continue forward.

    That was when I tripped, the ground at my feet was uneven with any misstep and I fell.

    it would result in my death.

    It was as if the world was slowing down at that moment, I saw death in front of me.


    When I was falling, a hand pulled me back, lifting me up, saving my life.

    The owner of that hand belonged to a boy, a boy with spiky red hair and golden eyes a little taller than me.

    I recognized him instantly.

    Emiya Shirou.


    This could not be real.

    It had to be a dream.

    But if it was, then it was a nightmare.

    What if this was real?

    Nasuverse was not a good place to live.

    There was danger in every corner all the time.

    I woke up abruptly from my mental debate when I realized something of paramount importance.

    We were still holding hands.

    Shirou was still walking.

    But he was dragging me.

    He was guiding me, pulling harder, always looking at me like he was going to disappear at any moment.

    I followed him, deciding to save all my fears for later and commit to our survival.

    I was walking through hell with him, as much as I admired him, for a problem I refuse to have.

    I will come out of this fiery hell with all my memories intact.

    Clenching my teeth and clenching my hand and strengthening my resolve, taking the lead, I kept trying to walk, taking him along the path in an intelligent way, instead of just moving on.

    Find the path with the least difficulty and the least heat and go through it.

    It was now that I realized how strange it was.

    Even when the fire was burning, there was no smoke ...

    And everyone knows that where there is fire, smoke.I was walking through hell with him, as much as I admired him, for a problem I refuse to have.

    I will come out of this fiery hell with all my memories intact.

    Clenching my teeth and clenching my hand and strengthening my resolve, taking the lead, I kept trying to walk, taking him along the path in an intelligent way, instead of just moving on.

    Find the path with the least difficulty and the least heat and go through it.

    It was now that I realized how strange it was.

    Even when the fire was burning, there was no smoke ...

    And everyone knows that where there is fire, smoke.

    Or the other way around?


    Sure, why not ...

    After all, it was magical.


    You know that all these monologues help me to keep my mind off the scorching heat.

    I bet this idiot didn't even think to do that ...

    I'll have to take care of your stupid ass, won't I, Emiya?

    I hope he adopts me too.

    Hmm ...... The fires are going down ... No ... They had become smaller, but they are still strong ...

    I heard footsteps to my right when we went ...

    Turning my head to look, I see a man.

    Speak of the devil and he will appear.

    Tall, with dark hair and empty eyes, if Emiya Kiritsugu had a terrible reputation as a magician slayer.

    Of course, if they saw him at that moment, all reputation and respect would fall downhill.

    He was disheveled, his face was dirty with tears streaming down his face and his injuries were visible.

    But what stood out the most was his expression of happiness at having met someone is this hell.

    I was proud.

    Even while the embers around us were still burning, I hadn't given up on walking, hadn't left a single part of me behind.

    I won, we won.

    I had defeated the fire created by All The Mankind's Evil and left ALIVE.

    Seeing the man running towards me, I knew we would be in good hands ...

    As if the same feeling that resonated with Shirou resonated, he stopped walking.

    Finally, we could rest ...

    I closed my eyes, let the fatigue take over.

    The world went black ...

    But even though they were unconscious, none of them had released their hands

    And it was in this scene that until then the well-known magician killer met two children who defied death.

  2. #2
    最後の断片 The Last Fragment JusticeAmongSwords's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2020
    The Void
    As far as I can tell, this is pretty good. The writing is very detailed so far, yet it manages to keep the pace as well. I didn't kinda get what it was about though, I guess like a reimagined scene of Kiritsugu saving Shirou, but another child is also present there... Still, you've done a great job, especially if that's your first work, keep it up if you feel like it.
    Dark, empty, evil moon under the hollow sky: the home of this miserable, hateful being. His body has rotten ages ago, his soul has long vanished without a trace. Only deep hatred remains. So far as this hatred burns and curses the soil where he once sided, the humankind will not perish. As time passes, he continues to overlook the humanity from the top of the tainted mountain...


    ...But his eyes remain fixed on a single thing far away.

    One, that hasn't been tainted by his hatred over the years, remaining pure and immaculate...
    A small, white flower that blooms on the horizon - Hortensia, that loves him and stays by his side.

  3. #3
    死者 The Dead Anjels's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2020


    Tulip, almond, and dew.

    These were the comforting and vaguely familiar fragrances I felt before I opened my eyes.

    Unfortunately, I cannot distinguish the environment that I found ”.

    Diffuse shapes of green, brown, and white were the colors that most stood out in my view.

    My mind was foggy.

    My body was heavy, with an effort I tried to move.

    "I ask that you do not try, little one."

    Only to be stopped by a solemn voice.

    I realize in a confusing way that I was lying on the lap of another person, the white I saw was the fabric of his clothes and he was stroking my hair affectionately.

    “I am happy to have survived this challenge little one, his willpower and determination are extremely impressive, like your father. "

    My mind was unable to determine the sex of the person who spoke, but with its low intonation, it can still detect a touch of sadness in his voice.

    “Unfortunately, our time is short and this may be the first and last time in conversation, your presence here is not by chance it was very expected that you would come to this dimension, do not worry about your destiny and your neighbor, but remember - any path you choose to take can lead to many challenges in the future, so no matter what your choice, I will always be by your side supporting and cheering, know that ... I am very proud of you, little one ”.

    The more I spoke the more, his voice got bigger, the heavier it became, his sadness was extremely audible as well as his affection, the logo can feel a little bit of pollution in my hair and not finish his voice or pass a whisper.

    “Now it's time to wake up, certain people are waiting for you on the other side, and don't forget to forget who you are! ”.

    With a lot of effort, move my head slightly to try to identify this mysterious figure, although I cannot see, trace a glimpse, a light rose over a figure, hovering over me briefly, preventing me from correctly identifying, you can observe an androgenic procedure of what I believed being a masculine form, with long hair, his bright eyes were the only things they could identify and did not belong to a human.

    My brief stunned state was awakened by a little pressure on my forehead, his lips are still pressed to move a single word.

    "Wake up".

    The effect was instantly sudden and I found myself in front of a white ceiling.

    The familiar smell of alcohol and antiseptic danced in my nostrils like an old friend.

    Is that why I easily recognized where I found someone who didn't recognize a family work environment?

    Is that why I easily recognized where I was who wouldn't recognize a familiar working environment?

    For a moment I thought I was back in the old nursing room, it was all that had been nothing less than a nightmare of one of the many naps I received during my breaks.
    Oh, how sweet the illusion is.

    I felt my hopes were shattered by the painful protests in my gut.

    Unfortunately my body was at odds with my mind.


    "Water." I shaved with my throat, followed by a dry cough.

    I saw blots around me when I felt the sweet, life-giving liquid on my lips.

    I drank avidly like a dying man in the middle of the desert who found an oasis, even if I wasn't a fan of his unsightly taste it wouldn't be petty and put a source of life, his cold touch flowed through my throat hydrating and rejuvenating me.

    My vision cleared when I finished drinking the vital fluid that had been presented to me.

    "How are you feeling, child?" asks a blond man (who believed to be the doctor).

    "Can you get the number of the truck that hit me?" I groaned, realizing how high my voice was.

    He laughed in response, his laughter was one of relief. "I don't think so, your recovery time is remarkable, you and the second patient to heal are so miraculous, but I have to ask, do you know what your name is?"

    My name? Do I think with a frown, given the circumstances I find myself in, is it necessary to use my old name?

    Now that I was safe, the fears I had buried were lightly probing my mind.

    I vaguely remembered the dream I had.

    The words of the dreamed being had opened a new box of worms.

    Why did I end up here? how? and what searched my mind the most, was why me among so many others?

    Any hope of returning to my old life, had turned to dust with those words given by the stranger in my dream ......


    My line of reasoning was abruptly cut off when I felt a slight pressure on my head.
    Moving my face up slightly, I notice that the doctor had given the famous pat head, with a tender look where his concern and anguish was visible in his eyes.

    I realized I was thinking so deeply I had forgotten to answer the doctor's question.

    As if my distress is perceived, he responds.

    "Don't worry, child, get some rest, you can tell me about it later".

    That said, he says goodbye and leaves the room leaving me with my thoughts.

    She stands for a moment, looking at the door without expression.

    ‘Sigh’ so much to answer a question.

    I return to looking at my lap, unconsciously moving a streak of dark hair behind my ear, note to herself after reflecting on all this, get a mirror.

    In a way I was grateful, I needed to think about everything that happened and plan my future in this dark universe.

    I had a vague idea of the future in front of me, I can deduce that anything I believe to happen in the events ahead may not happen, my solid presence in this universe has already shown effects, damn I almost screwed up with the Fate / stay night storyline!

    This is all because Shirou saved me.

    If it weren't for him I would fall, never to get up.

    The fire had been made by the evil curses of mankind, the moment I showed weakness it would consume me.

    And I didn't understand why, why had he saved me?

    I knew that his hero complex had developed because of the guilt for survival in the fire, as well as the absolution of Emiya Kiritsugu's dream, but there was no reason why he could have saved me at that moment.


    Did he know the risk he was taking?

    That he could have died there?

    Didn't he know how important he was?


    Shirou, you sacrificed so much without ever complaining about the little you received, without ever giving up, without blinking even in the face of a challenge.

    Heaven's Feel, the clock tower, the performers, grand order, and others ...

    Well ... knowing the risks or not, you saved me and since I had already committed myself from now on I will take care of your back just as you take care of mine.

    [Ok, list of main objectives:

    1- Find a way to be adopted by the magus killer.

    2-Learn Magecreft.

    3-Make allies.

    4-Train like you don't hear tomorrow.
    5-Choose the first wife in an appropriate way for the idiot and prepare her for the damn charm of a damned Ero protagonist, if he is busy taking care of his wives he cannot screw with his own life.

    6-DON'T let Shirou make the fucking pact with that bitch !! .]

    I'll go deeper into the plans later, now where can I find a damn mirror ?!

    --- <3 -------------------------- <3 ----------------- --------- <3 -------------------- <3 ----------------- -----------

    Long dark hair with a fringe, large and expressive eyes whose purple color stands out in a pale round face.

    That's what I saw in my reflection after asking a nice nurse for a mirror.


    So how do I look in the form of an animation? I could see that I lost my original appearance (I was very happy not to lose my eyes was something I had always loved in my previous life thanks to my mother and her Alexandria genes).

    In a way I would feel very uncomfortable if I was in someone else's body and of course being a child again still causes some discomfort but I will have many problems thanks to my peaceful personality.

    Damn now I know why that nurse kept talking about how adorable she was and how she looked like a doll.

    Kaleid linier illyasviel eat your heart.

    That's what I saw in my reflection after asking a nice nurse for a mirror.


    So how do I look in the form of an animation? I could see that I lost my original appearance (I was very happy not to lose my eyes was something I had always loved in my previous life thanks to my mother and her Alexandria genes).

    In a way I would feel very uncomfortable if I was in someone else's body and of course being a child again still causes some discomfort but I will have many problems thanks to my peaceful personality.

    Damn now I know why that nurse kept talking about how adorable she was and how she looked like a doll

    Kaleid line prism Illya eat your heart
    Joking aside, I still doubt something in this image

    Why do I look so much like Ririchiyo Shirakiin?



    I moved my head quickly to the source of the voice.

    How did he get in here quietly ??

    Damn ninja.

    Sitting on a bench near my bed was a very familiar figure, tall, dark, mysterious, and in a dark suit.

    Factors that would make any woman fall on her feet, ladies and gentlemen, this and Emiya Kiritsugu.

    "Are you awake! exclaims a relieved voice."

    That's when I noticed someone I recognized instantly, standing next to the bed.

    Golden-eyed redhead dressed in jeans with a white shirt with green sleeves.


    His expression was one of complete relief, his eyes shone with happiness and he had a big smile on his face.

    “O-hello!” I hissed in greeting, damn it was time to be shy.

    We ignored the Kawai squeak towards the door.

    The spasm in Kiritsugu's right hand did not go unnoticed.

    I saw that Emiya.

    I looked at the man with mixed emotions.
    Fear, sadness, pity, and sympathy.

    "Y-you're also awake".

    I inform the obvious back, not knowing how to proceed with this conversation.

    "Yes, I've been up for about three days ......"


    “I am very happy to finally meet you, dad .....

    "Said I had to wait you wake up so we can talk and get to know each other". The boy finished with an excited smile.

    Since when is Shirou energetic? Shouldn't he be a traumatized child? please tell me he is not tall!

    "Since he woke up he was extremely worried about you, I had to bring you several times to reassure you" informs Kiritsugu.

    That is an exception, I believe that if it turns out that I was not the only survivor of a literal hell I would try everything to connect with that other person.

    "Oh ... thank you .... year ... f-was it, you that got us out of there?"
    "Yes, I'm Emiya Kiritsugu and this one and my adopted son Emiya Shirou."

    "Nice to meet you, Emiya-sama, I'm Kuroko"

    "Kuroko? No last name?"

    "I do not remember."

    "I understand retrograde amnesia, the same as Shirou."

    "OH .." I say
    "Kuroko-cha, I know you can be a little hasty but would you like to come with me?"

    Okay, that seemed so wrong, for a moment you looked like Orochimaru himself in disguise.
    But I disagree.

    I must go with him

    On the one hand, I could stay away from the moonlit world if I refused, but it would probably end up in the hands of that damn false priest.

    On the other hand, being adopted by a magical killer ... well...

    The choice is kind of obvious ...

    I move my index finger with a thoughtful face, ignoring the nurse's hiss as well as Shirou's nervousness for my silence.


    After a few seconds, I give my answer.

    "Year ... does that mean I can call you Tou-cha and Nii ...?"

    The result was immediate.

    Kiritsugu looked relieved.

    "Yattai" vibrates Shirou.

    Unfortunately they couldn't stay much longer because the visiting hours had ended, both said goodbye to their forms saying that they would bring the documents proving my adoption (Kiritsugu) and promising to bring dango for lunch (Shiro).

    Soon the nurse returns to apply what I believed to be morphine, my eyelids quickly become heavy, and before I realize I start to fall into the arms of Morpheus with that last thought in my mind.

    Emiya Kuroko, not bad for a simple shadow.

    Last edited by Anjels; June 15th, 2020 at 04:50 PM.

  4. #4
    死者 The Dead Anjels's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2020

    Sweet Home

    The next few days passed in a blur, between the visits of the new family and she was unconscious for 2/3 of the day, in addition to the moments when she was subjected to several exams, with the only real damage she had caused by the fire, being a small smoke inhalation, to the surprise of many doctors.

    It wasn't a surprise that Kuro felt extremely bored.

    Yes Kuro (Kiritsugu) or Ku-chan (Shirou) as the male emiyas called it, yes so creative nickname.

    But even though she knew the need for rest, the only thing she felt at the moment was boredom, she knew she was completely fine, besides and of course some traumas and a possible Pyrophobia, but nothing she couldn't solve in a therapy session or two, that was why there were psychiatrists, and who knows, she might not be able to drag the males of the family into a family session? so why the hell couldn't she just ... leave? Or something that could at least exercise your mind? my body was practically pulsating with nervousness and the urgent need to do something was increasing every day.

    I believe that somehow I was sending signals in my silent anguish because Shirou who took the responsibility of big brother like a fish in the water, with his brand new big brother radar he found several methods to entertain me like drawing, reading, games among others, even if it is temporary, which was a relief for the poor nurses, they were not prepared for a child diagnosed with mental hyperactivity.

    Yes, I was diagnosed with an extreme ability to think non-ADHD, I could still pay attention with a frightening focus, but my reasoning ability was much faster than a child my age, 6 years old from what I discovered I am a year older new that Shirou, much to your liking, making me more adept at absorbing, learning and adapting faster than the average.

    In short, I am a probable fucking prodigy.

    I believe this is because I am an adult in a child's body.

    Urg, a lot to keep the profile low...
    If it were narutoverse instead of nasurvese it would be doomed.

    Damn my curiosity, stubbornness, and perfectionism.

    You should have known it was an evil trick when Shirou brought those puzzles...

    Or those books ...

    What to say who the hell hands a 7-year-old child a book of genetics?

    It is in these moments that I am grateful for being adopted by Kiritsugu, I do not know because of the blame for the fire, for reminding him Illia or the combination of the two options above, but he didn't even blink when he was informed about this situation.

    Maybe it's because of my reaction when he said he was a magus? What to say and it's normal for a child to ask questions about it, right? like comparing the magus with Merlin or the witch of Joăo and maria and such? to say I didn't even say that Merlin was an incubus or speculate about him being the witch.

    Besides that he was uncomfortable about it and I even asked in regret if it is possible to use it for healing.

    "If the fairy godmother of Cindi can transform a pumpkin into a carriage, then because tó-cha can't get me out of here!".

    After that it was more than half an hour for the poor confused man to explain to his upset 6-year-old daughter about magecraft and the rules of the moonlit world secret and why he couldn't take her home.

    Sucker, haven't you realized that you've already lost? You're already wrapped around my little finger.

    Jokes aside, I still thank you for Kiritsugu being a magus out of the standard with strong ideals, however, crooked they were, he was still a hero of justice, even if he was a murderer.

    I give you 6.5, no and the father of the year compared to most other magus you would earn for a mile.

    The positive thing now I had more excuses to ask him to teach me magicraft without raising a lot of suspicions, maybe I could even mix it with subjects I knew?

    Maybe you can ask tou-chan to teach me runes as well as healing magic to help you with your illness, maybe if you have time I can even heal you.

    But is this seriously good for the future? his death was one of the main points for the safety of Shirou, with it several enemies of the magus killer stopped chasing his tracks, relieved by the disappearance of his executioner.

    On the other hand, his survival may become an extremely important point in our lives, his views on the existence of a hero of justice may anchor my brother's dream, perhaps it is the harsh perceptions of his inspiration on this subject that may take him away. the way of a counter-guardian.

    TOC TOC...

    My thoughts are interrupted by a knock on the door.

    Call your name and it will appear.

    "Kuroko-chan I have good news, you are being released today" informs Dr. Katsu who accompanied my new family.

    "Yes!!!" I applaud with happiness.

    "’ Laughs ’I see you are excited as always? Good before we release we will do one last check-in, after that you can change and go home like your new Otosan ok ?!"

    "Hai". I nodded

    After that conversation, a few minutes passed between questions and nudged by the doctor and the nurses.

    The doctor and his team saying goodbye no more, before saying a few words to tou-cha informing me that I do not try very hard during the next two days.

    And by the determined look on Ni's face (Shirou), I will be stuck in bed for the next few days, it will be a miracle if I can go to the bathroom with my own legs.


    Moving to Kiritsugu's house was strange at first.

    I had never seen a Japanese house in real life, so I was surprised by its size and how spacious it was with such simple architecture.

    In a way, I felt like I was living in a mansion compared to my home in my previous life

    It was too big for a simple family of three.

    At least there was enough bathroom for everyone.

    "Kuro-chan, are you hungry?"


    "Shirou is cooking for us right now, so do you want to help me set the table?"


    Overall, the first few days were normal in a way, except for the first two days as, as I had predicted Ni had vehemently forbidden me to get out of bed if it weren't for my whining and tou-chan's intervention was sure I would be trapped in bed for longer than necessary.

    Another situation was the incident in the kitchen when tou-chan decided to cook something during the period when Shirou had gone out with a “Fujimura-neechan”, that name rang some bells, but I didn't know why.

    Although Kiritsugu almost burned the house.

    I still don't understand how he managed to make the water burn.

    How does someone burn water anyway?

    No wonder Shirou has to learn to cook.

    The next day, I had an unpleasant surprise.

    "Hello! Emiya-san !? Your favorite student is here!" Says a female voice in a high-pitched tone breaking the peaceful peace of the Emiya residence.

    "Shirou, did you get this?" Kiritsugu said in a resigned tone as if the owner's voice was a troublemaker that he couldn't get rid of.

    "Right." Says Shirou heading for the door, with me following him on his back, there I find a girl that I instantly recognized, who was pacing impatiently from side to side while carrying a giant briefcase.

    Taiga as the future guardian of Shirou, his self-proclaimed older sister. She was a family to him, Kuro couldn't imagine what Shirou's life would be like without the care of his nee-chan. Even with all the noise and headaches it will probably bring.

    He couldn't help the smile that graced him when he heard the voice of his self-proclaimed older sister. At least, if the events are the same, your future partner in crime.

    "Fuji-nee? You arrived early today" said Shirou.

    "Of course, Shirou-Kun, the older taiga sister couldn't miss the chance to meet her cute nine, maybe she can even teach a thing or two about girls."

    The teenager speaks in an animated way punctuating each sentence with several dramatic and spontaneous movements.

    "Nii, what a freak". I ask in a low tone, watching her actions while staying half-hidden behind her back.

    It had started with sparkle floating around her that sunset was changed right behind her .... and Shirou was sweating? Damn there was a huge drop coming out of your head, because no one is noticing it! It reminds me of ......

    I need bleach for this traumatic image.

    However, there was something ominous about meeting Fuji-nee. Why was that?

    "Cu ..." Kuro looked at her and found that she was staring at him intently.

    Oh. Shit. He was five years old now, so that meant ...

    "BEAUTIFUL ~~~" Taiga who, true to his nickname, throws himself on a terrified Kuro like a hungry predator taking it in an overwhelming embrace.

    "NII !!!" screams the little prey.

    "Ooohh, you are so adorable," Taiga said while pinching her cheeks and squeezing the life out of the girl.

    "Fuji-nee! Drop it please you are scaring her." Shirou said as he fought like a loyal knight against the cruel monster that had kidnapped his beloved princess.

    "Aaa mou Shirou-kuun she is sooo cute! hello Ku-chan, I am Fujimara Taiga your beloved Nee-chan and we will have a lot of fun." says the older woman rubbing her face on the younger girl's cheek as if she were a kitten.

    Completely ignoring the pleading looks, desperate and escape attempts of the youngest.

    "Yes more so you will make a bad impression for her" said her hero trying to release her diplomatically.

    "Fine," he said, releasing her

    Without thinking twice, I run to hide behind Shirou.

    "Well are you going to ask me in or not?" she said with her hands on the quad

    "Errr, yes. Come in." Shirou replied slowly as he looked at her warily.

    Feeling my discomfort Shirou-nii intervenes in a way that covers me from the sight of the taiga.

    While it was nice to meet Taiga, it is still scary to know how intense she was, something seems totally different from the behavior of the men in the house.

    In a way it would be refreshing in the times to come.

    Especially for this family.

  5. #5
    死者 The Dead
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    The grammar needs a lot of work, and some sentences don't even make sense. There are also long passages that were pasted in twice. As for the story, I'm not against the self-insert isekai trope, but there's not enough here yet for me to evaluate the story on a content level. If I understand what you were getting at with the Cinderella bit, that's a cute line. Though, apparently Kuroko says it before Kiritsugu mentions he's a magic user? In that case it's a really heavy-handed way to provoke the conversation; I would think Kiritsugu would be suspicious of Kuroko comparing him to a magical guardian out of nowhere.

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts