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Thread: (Bi)Monthly Rework-a-Servant Contest

  1. #21
    Monochromatic silent theater RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Brunhild: Cute and fun sheet with some deeper elements. Compared to the original, you have delved a little deeper into her personality this time around. The imagery of this ditzy blonde who loves romance novels just nonchalantly hefting up a giant boulder and chucking it at somebody is amazing to me. Incidentally, her fighting style is a little similar to another sheet I might end up remaking here...

  2. #22
    不死 Undead Drangle's Avatar
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    Welp, think I'll sit this one out. I have enough ideas for canon servants to rework, but being promptless is like my kryptonite. But I'll be watching!

  3. #23
    祖 Ancestor Kabalisto Koga's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Drangle View Post
    Welp, think I'll sit this one out. I have enough ideas for canon servants to rework, but being promptless is like my kryptonite. But I'll be watching!
    perhaps rework the one with whichs build you disagree the most ?
    Your verified Chikara-production Studios !

    Dont ship me with anyone unless i say so !

    When you wake a Dragon in his Lair...





  4. #24
    Monochromatic silent theater RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Servant Archer:

    Appearance:

    (Boy on the left)

    True Name: Furbaide Ferbend

    Alignment: True Neutral

    Alternate Classes: Assassin, Avenger

    Strength- C
    Agility- D
    Endurance- B
    Mana- D
    Luck- C
    NP- B+

    Personality
    Sullen and guarded, Archer's demeanor ill-suits his boyish appearance. He's more comfortable on the battlefield than socializing and upon meeting someone new will quickly judge whether they're a potential ally or obstacle to be avoided. He's intensely loyal to his dead mother who he never knew in life but was the only concept of maternal attachment he had in the world. Archer was willing to do anything to avenge her death, and upon summoning in the Grail War it goes without saying his wish would be to revive her. Even if... Archer doesn't know what he'd say upon meeting her, or whether one as stained in blood as him deserves to be welcomed as an innocent child.

    Archer is reluctant to open up to others insisting that his mother's love is the only thing he needs to get by in this cold and cruel world. He'll snap at anyone who tries to show intimacy towards him, especially if he feels they're pitying him for his childish features. That said, Archer may slowly open up to the patient advances of a maternal or older sisterly figure. Being that his mother died before he was even properly born the concept "one who reminds him of her" is meaningless, yet even so Archer can't help but see the face of his mother in women with gentle and compassionate personalities, feeling that surely she would've been way if only he'd gotten to know her.

    Archer also has a strong, somewhat inexplicable fondness for cheese and can often be found munching on it. Though having no particular interest in the modern world he has to admit the plethora of cheeses humanity has produced are worthy of praise. He has a patient, methodical nature and when he hates someone is capable of biding his time practicing the ideal way to enact his vengeance. Though perhaps because of his lingering childishness there's still a chance Archer will forget something important in his plans and need to improvise at the last second. Akin to a certain twintailed Magus who easily handles the smaller tasks while slipping up on the very last one.

    It's unknown why he is summoned as a young boy despite having performed his most famous feats as an adult. It might be imagined that his ties to his mother- which motivated him throughout his life- granted him a body similar to the one he had when such ties were at their strongest. Or perhaps his Master simply has a fondness for shotas.

    Likes: his mother, revenge, cheese
    Dislikes: power-hungry women, Connacht, being fussed over
    Talents: making use of whatever's on hand, practicing a shot
    Natural Enemy: Medb


    Class Skills:

    Independent Action- C+
    The ability to remain in existence without receiving a supply of magical energy from one's Master. At this rank Archer can linger in the World for one day in the absence of an active contract. Bolstered so long as Archer is quietly watching a single target, allowing to potentially remain past the point he should've faded away to prepare the perfect shot.

    Magic Resistance- D
    Confers protection against magical effects. At this rank, only Single-Action spells are nullified. Magic Resistance equivalent in degree to an amulet that rejects magical energy. Archer was born as the Age of Gods was already waning and never battled sorcery in life, so his rank in this Skill is low.


    Personal Skills:

    Born In Death- B
    Archer's mother Eithne was murdered by her sister Medb while still pregnant to him, so he was "born" posthumously via caesarian section. This unusual form of birth gives Archer a detached awareness of death for it was beside him as long as he could remember. To one born soaked in death the killing-intent of the battlefield is welcomed like an old friend. Akin to Bravery or Mental Pollution, while also giving Archer an instinctual knack for all tasks involved in war and bloodshed. For a child who only yearned for the warmth of his mother's arms this Skill could perhaps be better likened to a curse, yet Archer himself gladly embraces it to fulfill his goal.

    Rosy-Cheeked Adonis- A
    The disposition as a pretty boy who charms people. A fascination magic-like effect that works on both men and women, but one can abate it so long there is a will to resist. Complete evasion by means of a Magic Resistance Skill is possible. The innocent beauty of a youth who still longs for his mother's affection hasn't been hardened by the countless bloodstained battlefields Archer has surmounted. His appearance even in war retains its captivating allure, to the point where several times opponents would refuse to wound Archer out of pity for his tragic beauty.

    Enacts as a mental interference charm woven into Archer's facial features that compels opponents to hold back on him. Even for a single moment, it creates an instant of hesitation that gives Archer the chance to counter-attack. Archer actually dislikes this Skill, finding it a blemish on his pride as a warrior and will try to avoid relying on it in combat.

    Practice Makes Perfect- C+
    A crystallization of Archer's patience in avenging himself on his mother's killer. Ascertaining that Medb regularly bathed in a certain spring on the isle of Inchcleraun, he first measured the length from pool to shore with a rope and then repeatedly practiced for weeks hitting an apple with his sling from that distance. When the time came to make his shot Archer's aim struck true, hitting the bathing queen dead-on with a hunk of cheese and felling her instantly.

    This Skill affords cumulative plus corrections to Archer's accuracy while practicing unnoticed on a single target. The longer he studies the target and practices before going in for the killshot the higher his accuracy rises, though this requires Archer to bide his time before revealing himself. An ability perhaps more befitting an Assassin than an Archer.

    "What do you mean I spied on a bathing woman before shooting my load at her? It was revenge, not anything dirty so get your mind out of the gutter! Stupid grown-ups..."

    Cernunnos Echo- D
    A Skill indicating one's connection to the ancient Celtic god of the wild Cernunnos. While Archer has no known divine ancestry in his legend, the peculiar bull horns on his head were believed to echo Cernunnos' epithet as "The Horned God". This identification donates him to a weak degree the blessings of Cernunnos. Archer exudes an aura that makes wild animals friendly to him and is supplied a small surplus of Mana when in naturalistic environments. Furthermore as Cernunnos' true nature and dominions have been obscured by history this Skill serves as low-ranking Information Erasure that muddles Archer's image in the minds of enemies after an engagement.


    Noble Phantasm
    Cruaidh Càise Urchair
    Humiliation Of The Great Queen


    Rank: B+

    Type: Anti-Unit

    The encapsulation of Archer's most audacious feat, that is, striking dead the warrior queen Medb from a distance with nothing but a block of hard cheese fired from his sling. When he realized that he'd forgotten to bring any ammunition, rather than passing up on the shot, Archer simply used whatever was available- in this case, a piece of cheese he happened to be snacking on at the time.

    It is possible that this was a later addition to the myth, in order to further the humiliation inflicted on the great queen. Regardless, such a feat was surely not outside of Archer's capabilities. As a Noble Phantasm, it allows him to turn anything that can be remotely conceptualized as a projectile into his Noble Phantasm by firing it from his sling. Once fired, the item will behave like an optimal projectile regardless of shape, disregarding factors such as wind resistance that could impede it from hitting the target.

    Since this might be misunderstood, it is no exaggeration to say 'anything' can be made into a projectile. Blocks of cheese, coins, pencils, live animals, even objects larger than the sling itself like cars or buses if Archer can somehow get his hands on them. Once loaded into the sling, the object will compress itself down into a small spherical globe the color(s) of the item in question, but will rapidly return to its normal shape and size once fired for a rather outrageous display. Archer can also infuse these 'projectiles' with his own magical energy which detonates on impact, for an effect similar to a Broken Phantasm which he can use at will.


    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    My second entry for the contest. Fleshed out his personality and Skills since the NP I was satisfied with from the beginning. In particular added the Rosy-Cheeked Adonis Skill which I bafflingly excluded in the initial sheet despite his legend practically crying for something along those lines (what with the whole "so beautiful no one would harm him" thing). Hope y'all enjoy this edgy mama's boy.

  5. #25
    I finally found this thread. Took a bit longer than it should have. Man you guys work quick.
    I might end up doing rework an actual canon Fate servant, as my oldest sheet (Empress Jingu) is only a few months old. The only update I could think of for her is a formatting one, and that sheet definitely isn't thrilling enough to warrant an update as small as a formatting one.

  6. #26
    死徒(下級)Lesser Dead Apostle
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    I really want to see someone remake Ishtar/inanna into being less of a useless rinface goddess

  7. #27
    Quote Originally Posted by NINE-lives View Post
    I really want to see someone remake Ishtar/inanna into being less of a useless rinface goddess
    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fate/strange_fake

  8. #28
    Sometimes, I still write. WhiteFrenzy's Avatar
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    THE MORRIGAN
    (Baron Magnus)

    Formatting: Muuuuch better than your 1.0 version, that much is clear. It indeed flows better, and although some of the colors are still too dark against the black background of this forum, it's still pleasant to the eyes (and it instigates our attention. I'm a believer that the most color a sheet has, the more it'll be enjoyable in a "I'm not tiring anyone with so much of the same" way, so it's good to see that sometimes I'm right?) And the way all the quotes are in different shades of purple? Chef kiss, I loved it. Anyway, this part is already an improvement and half!
    Quality: You've expanded the character and took care to explain all the Skills pertinent to the whole and to each of her components, and that's very good. It already gave us an idea of their character - kudos to you about that. I couldn't notice any improvement in grammar ans such, maybe because you're already pretty good at it since the beggining? I'M ENVYING YOU, OKAY? But yes, another 10/10 from me in this regard.
    Character: I'm the first one to admit that I find this character so boring and overused, like, there's so many uninspired takes on the character that it saturated me. BUT, that being said, this one is a breath of fresh air. I already mentioned how you took care to separate them, but at the same time made sure to remind us that The Morrigan is still the big boss. I don't know, it definitely isn't the first time someone did this, but this time there was something that made this sheet enjoyable instead of a chore. I dig it a lot.
    Final Considerations: Pls step on me powerful mommy.


    "THE SCARLET PIMPERNEL"
    (BnEl15)

    Formatting: I simply adore this new style of yours, it's so colorful and so dynamic. (And to know that there's an upcoming sheet that took some inspiration from me? I'M SO HONORED TO BE A STEPPING STONE TO YOU, KING.) I also liked a lot how you hid a lot of this girl's character behind collapse tags, heck yeah gimme more of some of my favorite gimmicks here.
    Quality: What can I say, at this point? You evolved into the best version of yourself and I'm scared to think that it's not even your final form. Comparing both sheets and noticing the small details in which you evolved is so cool.
    Character: HOLY CRAP THE GLOW UP. The way her personality is all over the place in the sheet, in every quote and in every flavor text. NOW I can definitely picture this beautiful gal in all of her glory... Speaking of glory: absolutely cool revelation of her true identity and the shenanigans it ensues. It took me a lot of effort to follow your orders and not give in to curiosity, but it paid off spetacularly in the end. I loved it. I particularly also loved that quote about that certain lovable old man...
    Final Considerations: BEST GIRL WITH THE BEST FC, NO QUESTIONS ASKED.


    FURBAIDE FERBEND
    (RoydGolden)

    Formatting: Again, what I said before still applies here, even more now. It definitely makes the text flow better, there's more life to it, and all of that. You're so good in your craft I hate it ;-;
    Quality: DO I HAVE TO SAY IT? FINE THEN. Take here your 11/10 for this absolute banger!
    Character: A character I wasn't expecting, but one that I thoroughly enjoyed reading, you can be sure of that. The way you've expanded him is so charming, it made him even funnier than before - in a good way, because this character's lore ain't funny at all. Speaking of the drama, I think you even managed to make it shine here, there's even that tinge of tragedy that somehow made this sheet even better? The fact it's a momma's boy makes the whole thing even more amusing. Oh yeah, the spice. It was spicy alright.
    Final Considerations: WOULD GIVE HIM ALL THE CHEESE.

    © G.Isan


    ——————
    WHITEFRENZY'S
    servant corner
    —————

  9. #29
    夜属 Nightkin Baron Magnus's Avatar
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    WhiteFrenzy: Thank you for the praise. I was trying some new techniques with this sheet and also updating it to more align to the idea for her character. A true Morrigan sheet, at least my style, would also have the servant sheets for Nemian, Badb, and Macha. However this is a rework contest, not a create a servant contest and only one of them have been posted. Maybe later down the line I'll re-enter her in her full glory with all three components accompanying the matron herself.
    Rookie Lorekeeper, Amateur Extraordinaire, and all around nasunoob.


    Check out my servants!

    Current servant being worked on!

  10. #30
    死徒(下級)Lesser Dead Apostle
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    Would making a male musashi count as making a new sheet or reworking a canon Servant.

    (Just wondering)

  11. #31
    迷迭暗箱 Rosemary Obscura Kamera's Avatar
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    Welcome, my honored guest, my dear Scapegoat.
    This abode of mine shall be your final destination.
    Be not afraid, this is not hell. Though regrettably, you can’t call it heaven either.
    But rest assured, here you can peacefully forget your worries and regrets.
    Here you can finally let go of that burden you are forced to carry.
    It must be heavy, right?
    Now it’s all right. I will relieve you of these burdens, these sins.
    Ah, please wait a moment, this process may take some time.
    While we wait, why don’t we exchange our stories?
    Right, there must be a lot you want to let out right?
    Don’t be shy, I will listen to it all.
    Hm? You want to hear my story first?
    Gladly! Now please, sit down, have a drink.
    Recently, about a century ago, I had a pleasant dream—




    As I have promised, I shall grant any of your wishes. I shall fulfill your every desire.
    In return? No, no, I don’t need your soul. Give that wretched thing to Satan instead.
    The only thing I need of you is—that thing, your dark sins, hand it over.





    Long, long time ago, Archangel Azazel was known as the most beautiful and wise of the angels.
    The Archangel loathed the ugly desires that lurks within humanity from the bottom of his heart.
    From desire begets sin, and from sin begets evil.
    The proud Archangel could not accept such a glaring defect in the supposedly perfect world God has created.
    With this conviction, the Archangel swore to eradicate humans of their desire, their sin, their evils
    —thus he declared war upon all humanity.
    Gathering other Angels who shared this belief under his cause, Azazel departed from Heaven and descended upon Earth.



    What was my former self like I wonder?
    I... cannot even remember it anymore.
    The naïve and prideful Archangel has been long dead.
    What remains is this greedy and lustful thing, writhing at the shadow of the world.
    You know, it turns out sin is such a wonderful thing.
    It drowns even the purest spirit into a bottomless spiral.
    It turns all faith and perseverance into foam bubbles, vulnerable to a single blow.
    Perhaps, would you like a taste, Master?
    Don’t be afraid, we're all in this together.
    Let us exile ourselves from heaven, let us fall into depravity, let us revel in sin.



    Be as it may, not all humans are proud of their desire.
    Some may seek atonement and repentance from their sins.
    But sin is not something that humans can simply wash away and absolve as they please.
    The foul mud called sin is a curse that will remain in their soul until the Judgement Day.
    In order to purify this curse, to take away these sins from humanity, a sacrifice is needed.
    For this purpose, humanity has designated among them a sacrifice to carry all their sins.
    Azazel smiles as the Scapegoat offered to him arrived.



    Even now, he still hates the dreadful sin humanity produces from the bottom of his heart.
    Neither Satan’s whispers nor the weight of All the World’s Sin has ever shook this belief.
    As he witnessed the strength and resolve and faith of this human, he fondly reminisced.
    As the human finally succumbs to sin, for a brief moment— the fallen angel sheds a tear.
    “This is why I absolutely loathe humanity.
    Just you wait, damned Satanael, coward Raphael!
    I will purge all humanity before they even reach Heaven or Hell!”



    Class: Pretender
    True Name: Azazel
    Gender: Male
    Alignment: Lawful Evil
    Origin: Old Testament, Book of Enoch
    Attribute: Heaven

    Exiled from heaven and barred from Hell, Azazel was left to wander between good and evil—and he had yet to find his own answer. In the end, he is no longer the pure Archangel he once was, but neither is he the malicious devil Satan wished him to be.

    Thus, the Azazel puts on a role, not as Servants of God, not as Accomplice of Satan, but as a Scapegoat. Carrying All the World’s Sin upon his shoulders, and committing evil acts against heaven, but also wishing to absolve humanity from these very sins and the suffering it brings.

    —such is this Pretender.

    Parameters:
    STR: A
    END: B
    AGI: A
    MGI: A
    LCK: E
    NP: A+

    Class Skills:
    Anti-Human Order: A
    A skill originally possessed by the Evils of Humanity. An ability that puts everything humans created as well as the laws that support their continued existence to a grinding halt. An imposing demand that directs the human mind to stop reflecting on themselves, and put blame of their evils, dumping all their sins, to a single entity, an ultimate scapegoat, Azazel himself.

    Humans produce filth they cannot wash away on their own. Like maggots they defile God’s masterpiece, this Earth. So Azazel has taken it to himself to cleanse it, to collect all those impurities and drown humanity in a Great Flood made of their own excrement.

    In a way, he had already accomplished this once, but it seems that humanity has once again accumulated too much impurities. This time, Azazel will make sure that there will be no more Noah’s Ark to save humanity.

    Personal Skills:
    Teacher of the Forbidden Arts: A+
    The ruinous forbidden knowledge from Heaven the rebellious Angels brought down to Earth and taught to humans. These are the secret wisdom that is necessary for humanity to progress and prosper, but also one that will awaken the Evils of Humanity. Their irresponsible bestowment to humanity was among the greatest of sin that the Fallen Angels had committed.

    Azazel, being the most knowledgeable among the Fallen Angels, taught the knowledge of “weapon creation” to men, and “ornament creation'' to women. Azazel is capable of creating any and all weaponry human forges for their self-destruction, and can make any and all ornaments and tools human crafts in their self-deception. In addition, this skill can be freely taught to others.

    Fallen Angel: A++
    The mark of Satanael, the privilege and Authority given to the Fallen Angels to deceive and corrupt any and all God’s creation, just as the Great Deceiver himself can. The regiment of Angels Azazel led that descended upon Earth were not originally corrupt nor rebellious. It was Satan’s scheme that caused their downfall and ruin.
    One by one, the Angels' faith and conviction shattered, succumbing to desire.
    One by one, the Angel’s pure white feathers are dyed with the crimson of sin.

    Azazel resisted his corruption for the longest time among the Fallen Angels. But as they say, the higher they rise, the more painful their fall. As Azazel inevitably succumbs to Satan’s whispers, the degree of corruption and the deceiving power that comes with it can be said to rival Satanael himself.

    Scapegoat: EX
    A sacrificial goat that is made to bear all the filth and impurities of the world. A skill that allows Azazel to freely transfer and accumulate curses into himself and transform these curses into grail mud, that is, the thing humans call “sin”. In addition, similar to the Avenger class skill, Azazel can absorb and redirect all negative thoughts and emotions into himself, but instead of mana, it also becomes grail mud of sin.

    This skill allows Azazel to freely manipulate these sins, these vile muds, as weapons to corrupt humans and spiritual bodies, in order to acquire even more sins. Collecting filth, after all, is the purpose of his current existence, one that God has assigned him after his Fall.

    Noble Phantasms:
    Dudael
    To Him Ascribe All Sin
    Type: Anti-World
    Rank: EX
    The Cauldron of God. In other words, the Holy Grail.
    The prison that even now contains the Angel/Devil Azazel. A vessel that collects sins, that collects the vile excess of humanity. Put crudely, it is the World’s sewage system. A place even Satan would find distasteful. For Azazel the Archangel who values beauty and upholds cleanliness, it is an absolute horror, a nightmare, his own personalized Hell. For Azazel the Devil who revels in desire and sin, it can be called Heaven.

    As Dudael continues to accumulate All the World’s Sin, there will be a time that it will exceed its capacity. This Noble Phantasm’s true purpose is to convert all these sins, to purify all these filth, into cleansing holy water that will flood the whole World and cleanse it of all remaining filth and sins.

    At the depth of this prison of endless darkness, the sleeping Azazel dreams.
    Of walking the Earth as a benevolent devil, deceiving wicked humans and committing evil in the name of justice.
    Of wandering the World as a merciless angel, relieving humans of their suffering and committing good in the guise of evil.
    The Holy Grail hears of this dream, this quiet prayer, and it silently grants his wish.
    Thus, the Angel/Devil Azazel puts on a role—

    Last edited by Kamera; November 3rd, 2021 at 07:52 PM. Reason: credit to delrey for the format

  12. #32
    Local Extra Class Aficionado DelRey's Avatar
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    this sheet could need an instruction manual because it is unlike what one may be used to here
    read, then click on everything you see one, read again, then click again, enjoy


    Behold! The works of a maniac!
    My Servants!

    And my other contribution to this community!
    Advanced Formatting Guide
    Gallery of Potential Servant Faceclaims
    Extra Class Compendium

    I also make Mythological Reconstructions.
    For the Greek Titans and the Egyptian Concepts

  13. #33
    迷迭暗箱 Rosemary Obscura Kamera's Avatar
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    Definitely not the best thing my last two braincells could come up with this night. IDK I will reformat the whole thing when I have time.

  14. #34
    Local Extra Class Aficionado DelRey's Avatar
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    i tried to use the screenshot method a long while ago but thought it was a hassle to deal with.
    if you go this route, perhaps look into how to screenshot a whole sheet
    so intro text -> screen of sheet 1 -> screen of sheet 2 -> proper sheet 3


    Behold! The works of a maniac!
    My Servants!

    And my other contribution to this community!
    Advanced Formatting Guide
    Gallery of Potential Servant Faceclaims
    Extra Class Compendium

    I also make Mythological Reconstructions.
    For the Greek Titans and the Egyptian Concepts

  15. #35
    迷迭暗箱 Rosemary Obscura Kamera's Avatar
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    help me out with your Collapse Code Mastery skill plz ;;

  16. #36
    不死 Undead Drangle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NINE-lives View Post
    Would making a male musashi count as making a new sheet or reworking a canon Servant.

    (Just wondering)
    Well, male Musashi is canon to the lore, it's just not the Musashi we see most of the time. So, um. I think so? You're reworking him from not having stats to having them? I suppose?

    Comes down to execution, I suppose.

  17. #37
    夜属 Nightkin Baron Magnus's Avatar
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    So I thought a lot about what to do for the second entry. I was thinking of redoing my first servant but it was kinda hard to redo him. However then I came across a better candidate that would benefit greatly from my current formatting and small changes. So I present to you Enoch, Knower of Secrets!

    "So I have been summoned... though for what purpose? Regardless, greetings Master. I am Enoch, caster class. Now... what is the situation?"



    Sources: TheLostChild, CreativeUncut.com.
    Class: Caster
    True Name: Enoch
    Origin: Abrahamic Myth
    Alignment: Lawful-Good
    Likes: Discovering new secrets, Practicing his Faith, and Learning about modern times.
    Dislikes: Unethical behavior
    Talents: Alchemy and Uncovering Secrets
    Catalyst: the original scroll of Enoch or a copy of the Book of Enoch or a catalyst for the Metatron
    Other Classes: Ruler
    Armaments: Alchemy (D)

    Parameters

    Spoiler:
    Str: D
    End: D+
    Agi: D
    Mna: C
    Lck: C


    Lore

    Spoiler:
    He was once human like any other. However, he was always a curious boy. As he grew, he learned and discovered mysteries. He is recorded to have lived 365 years before willingly ascending to what was recorded as heaven. Thanks to his long life, he learned many, many things including having recorded certain facts about death that even today are disputed among both scientific and magical communities as false. This is due to him never once witnessing the act of death. In addition, his line would lead to the act of the making of the Ark. Most notable are recordings that suggest upon ascension he became a Divine Spirit known as Metatron. Most of his discoveries are encapsulated in a series of scrolls together dubbed 'the Book of Enoch' that today sleep within the vaults of the vatican. It was banished from catholic canon for containing a supposed prophet practicing alchemy and due to the actions of the Pope Marcellinus whom handed over the Book of Enoch along with 14 other books to pagans that had kidnapped him, tainting them in the church's eyes.


    Personal Skills

    Spoiler:
    Rejection From Humanity: C

    This skill is a skill that harms only Enoch. It restrains his power and being, reducing him as a magus and as a servant. While at full strength all of his parameters are dropped by a rank and lose their normal plus modifier. Skills are also affected this way, and further his noble phantasm Ascensionis Metatron is sealed. This skill comes from the rejection humanity has done to his magnum opus the Book of Enoch, a compendium of his studies into the arte of alchemy that also gave observance to the teachings of god. He remains ignorant as to why and so this skill remains. It cannot be sealed or altered by enemy skills, spells, or Noble Phantasms.


    Knower of Secrets: B

    A skill that lets him observe phenomenon and discern its origin. It can be anything from a Noble Phantasm to a servant's skill in action or even as mundane as a bounded field. As befits his title he need merely observe it and afterwards while within his workshop he can study the phenomenon over the course of an hour and eventually discover with 90% accuracy the precise cause. If it is a servant he will discover their true name and if it is a magus he will learn of their name and specialty. However, as noted, the weakness is that he must not only spend an hour studying but he must do it in his workshop, meaning whatever time he spends on-site is not part of that time. It does not make this skill useless, merely much less convinient than even C-rank True Name Discernment.


    Mystic Eyes of Death Rejection: C

    A normally powerful skill that rejects death itself. It does not stop a killing blow but it simply rejects that the blow is a killing blow, preventing death from taking hold. However, at his power, it cannot reject death from any blow coming from an armament of B-rank or higher or a noble phantasm of C-rank or higher. Such attacks will overpower his mystic eyes and inflict the concept of death upon them as is proper and in the process create a negative prana feedback for observing death that acts equivalent to taking a blow from an E-rank armament.



    Class Skills

    Spoiler:
    Territory Creation: D

    He was an accomplished magus in life but he lacked many of the finer implements later magus employ. At this level, his workshop functions but only has defenses that would ward off weak servants and most magus. Very skilled or powerful magus could, with time, dismantle his workshops defenses. Strong servants also can shrug them off. Further, the prana it collects is very minimal, equaling the amount he needs for daily upkeep. All in all a weak skill that does not reflect what a magus from the age of gods should be capable of... yet it is due to the skill Rejection From Humanity that holds him back. It restrains this skill and so it is much weaker than normal.


    Item Construction: C+

    As an alchemist he should have been well equipped with this skill. Yet he has a hard time constructing even a basic wand. While he can acquire the materials and assemble ritual materials the fact he has trouble with this truly outlines the restraint the skill Rejection From Humanity brings upon him. However despite this, as expected, the quality of any item he makes is rather exceptional and it will do for almost any ritual he or his master requires.


    Personality

    Spoiler:
    Enoch can be best described as a scientific alchemist. He finds great joy in learning and creating but has ethical boundaries he will not cross. While he finds it sinful to judge others methods and ethics, he finds it hard to not find those that cross his boundaries as unsavory. Depending on the depravity, he may even be pushed to act as he is a kind soul that cannot stand to see suffering. He will help the suffering however he can. Likewise he is not naive either. He fully comprehends that suffering is a part of living. Additionally, he finds it regretful that humanity has rejected his work, the Book of Enoch. Despite not having an inventors mind, he often will conduct experiments using modern science and his ancient practices to concoct new weapons for the Holy Grail War. However, he isn’t completely innocent. He does not hate evil nor does he judge others, but he has great disdain for anything he considers ‘evil’. He does not seek its destruction but refuses to let anything of its kind touch the Holy Grail.

    It should be cautioned however for any master of Enoch that despite being a heroic spirit his desire lies not in a wish to the Holy Grail. His wish is that no evil lay hands on it. As such, should he find his master ‘evil’ then he will swear no loyalty. This is if he is even summoned in the first place as it is noted that ‘evil’ masters that try to summon him using catalysts related to him are rarely successful. Those that do find no loyalty and only an enemy, one capable of breaking off and sustaining themselves with a workshop. However, masters that are not such will find a steadfast ally. The only problem one might find is in his contentment at defeat at the hands of a worthy servant. He fights to prevent evil from laying hands on the grail, but if he meets a servant he finds worthy then he is satisfied with them having it. He will only fight them if his master insists on their right to the wish, in which case he will remain loyal and fight them.


    Interactions

    Spoiler:
    Fujimaru
    "Hello, master. I am Enoch, Knower of Secrets in the Caster class container.... now. How might I assist you?"

    Brunhild
    "What a strong woman... I wonder if there is anything she can't crush?"

    Cain
    "...I see my uncle has fallen far... how sad. Master, I must request we never meet. It... will not end well."

    the Scarlet Pimpernell
    ".... A novel concept... but heroism is to always be praised. That said... are you sure you are ready for this?"

    Furbaide Ferbend
    "Such dilligence... such devotion. Yet, to focus it on killing... I cannot call you evil, but I cannot call you good"

    Stingy Jack
    "Oh... what a novel legend you are... to trick the devil himself, that is quite a skill... but to misuse it so. A pity"

    Hektor
    "Ah, what splendid attire. Well worn, soldier."

    Foreigner of Twinkling Stars
    "What a wonderful servant. Despite your class... I can think of no better representative than you for Humanity... truly, a wonder incarnate"

    Clabhan
    ".... Fairies? Sir, I ask kindly you refrain. My research is honest and to gods teachings... which forbid flirtation with such forces"

    Charles Babbage
    "... What a fascinating dream you have... I wish you the best of luck, friend. Truly"



    Noble Phantasm

    Per Meum Opus
    The Book of Enoch


    Type: Self
    Rank: B


    The crystalization of his greatest work, the compilation of his discoveries into the secrets of reality called the Book of Enoch. A noble phantasm that encapsulates his full knowledge of the arte of alchemy and the secrets of the world, accomplished while following the teachings of god and not contracting the aid of any devil, spirit, or god. It has no effect normally and requires True Name Activation to be utilized. However, to do so two things are required; An event that inspires Enoch to research the status on humanity's view of the Book of Enoch and an uninterrupted month with a functioning workshop. Upon these conditions being satisfied, he begins the process to activate its true name. As he writes the last line of the scrolls that will be the Book of Enoch he speaks the true name of this Noble Phantasm and it activates fully. It's primary effect? It seals the skill Rejection From HumanityRejection From Humanity.


    "Ahhh... I see... I was so mistaken.... even so. It is nice to be accepted... Per Meum Opus! Let my works be revealed unto the world!"



    Sources:
    Class: Caster
    True Name: Enoch, Son of Jared
    Origin: Abrahamic Lore
    Alignment: Lawful-Good
    Likes: Research, Discovery, Good deeds, Alchemy, and Practicing his Faith
    Dislikes: Unethical Behavior, Evil acts, and Those that use shortcuts for research.
    Talents: Alchemy, Research, and Uncovering Secrets
    Catalyst: the Book of Enoch
    Other Classes: Ruler
    Armament: the Book of Enoch (D), Alchemy (B)

    Parameters

    Spoiler:
    Str: C+
    End: C++
    Agi: C+
    Mna: B
    Lck: B+


    Lore

    Spoiler:
    He was once human like any other. However, he was always a curious boy. As he grew, he learned and discovered mysteries. He is recorded to have lived 365 years before willingly ascending to what was recorded as heaven. Thanks to his long life, he learned many, many things including having recorded certain facts about death that even today are disputed among both scientific and magical communities as false. This is due to him never once witnessing the act of death. In addition, his line would lead to the act of the making of the Ark. Most notable are recordings that suggest upon ascension he became a Divine Spirit known as Metatron. Most of his discoveries are encapsulated in a series of scrolls together dubbed 'the Book of Enoch' that today sleep within the vaults of the vatican. It was banished from catholic canon for containing a supposed prophet practicing alchemy and due to the actions of the Pope Marcellinus whom handed over the Book of Enoch along with 14 other books to pagans that had kidnapped him, tainting them in the church's eyes.


    Class Skills

    Spoiler:
    Territory Creation: C+

    No longer rejected by humanity, he can create a proper workshop. Due to the state of magecraft he cannot recreate the workshop he had in the age of the gods but the one he makes is formidable. Even powerful magus will succumb to the defenses of his workshop and other caster servants generally will have issues detecting and dealing with his bounded fields. He need only worry about servants with adequate magic defense but the prana his workshop collects is enough to fuel his spells properly.

    Item Construction: C*

    Capable of making items that can be infused in prana, he is now capable of a fraction of what he was as a magus from the age of gods. Despite this, the items he makes are of an excellent quality and can readily be infused with prana. Further, he can even make copies of his book which while not capable of imparting skills, are capable of storing an astonishing amount of prana. As a note, he can use this skill to study and tweak existing mystic codes if he is trusted with them, adding a plus modifier to its purpose.


    Personal Skills

    Spoiler:
    His Works, Realized: C+

    A skill that denotes the sealing of Rejection From Humanity. In addition to sealing it, it grants the skill Alchemy and Magic Resistance at the same level. Alchemy is a long-existing thaumaturgical system that has roots in the earliest days of the age of the gods and servants that utilize the skill also gain a plus modifier to the skill Item Construction if they have it. With his Magic Resistance he gains immunity to all spells three verses or lower and mitigates damage from Greater Rituals or High Thaumaturgy. This skill represents him not only acknowledging and realizing that the rejection of his works was under false pretense is now common knowledge, but also him recreating his magnum opus.


    Knower of Secrets: B++

    Now fully realized, he can utilize this skill at its maximum power under his purview. Any phenomenon he witnesses, akin to before, he may make a luck check to immediately identify the source. Upon a success he knows the true name of the individual that caused it and their class. If it is a Noble Phantasm then he knows the general principles behind it. If it is a spell, then he knows what the effects of the spell are. If a skill is used he understands the intent behind it. Unlike before, he no longer needs to visit his workshop to utilize this skill, merely seeing the phenomenon and acknowledging it is enough.


    Mystic Eyes of Death Rejection: A+

    His mystic eyes full power unleashed, no longer can death enter his field of vision. Anytime he would lay eyes on something, the grip of death halts instantly. While he cannot reverse death with his gaze, death stalls until he averts his eyes. As such he is an enemy of death itself often, due to his ability to heal while gazing at the person whom death wants to collect. It is unknown if it was a gift of god that he had in life or simply some sort of miracle but not once in his 365 years did his eyes see death. He did not avoid society nor was he a hermit, thus it is an extremely unusual fact. A fact that grants him this skill, whether he truly had mystic eyes in life or not.


    Connection to the Root: E+

    A skill that notes his connection to the root. While it is unknown for the reason he has this skill, it is inferred by the gaining of it upon the utilization of his Noble Phantasm that he gained it in life as Knower of Secrets. As for its effect it grants a plus modifier to his Item Construction, Knower of Secrets, and His Works, Realized skills in exchange for losing his plus modifier to his Mana parameter.




    Personality

    Spoiler:
    Enoch can be best described as a scientific alchemist. He finds great joy in learning and creating but has ethical boundaries he will not cross. While he finds it sinful to judge others methods and ethics, he finds it hard to not find those that cross his boundaries as unsavory. Depending on the depravity, he may even be pushed to act as he is a kind soul that cannot stand to see suffering. He will help the suffering however he can. Likewise he is not naive either. He fully comprehends that suffering is a part of living. Additionally, he finds it regretful that humanity has rejected his work, the Book of Enoch. Despite not having an inventors mind, he often will conduct experiments using modern science and his ancient practices to concoct new weapons for the Holy Grail War. However, he isn’t completely innocent. He does not hate evil nor does he judge others, but he has great disdain for anything he considers ‘evil’. He does not seek its destruction but refuses to let anything of its kind touch the Holy Grail.

    It should be cautioned however for any master of Enoch that despite being a heroic spirit his desire lies not in a wish to the Holy Grail. His wish is that no evil lay hands on it. As such, should he find his master ‘evil’ then he will swear no loyalty. This is if he is even summoned in the first place as it is noted that ‘evil’ masters that try to summon him using catalysts related to him are rarely successful. Those that do find no loyalty and only an enemy, one capable of breaking off and sustaining themselves with a workshop. However, masters that are not such will find a steadfast ally. The only problem one might find is in his contentment at defeat at the hands of a worthy servant. He fights to prevent evil from laying hands on the grail, but if he meets a servant he finds worthy then he is satisfied with them having it. He will only fight them if his master insists on their right to the wish, in which case he will remain loyal and fight them.


    Interactions

    Spoiler:
    Fujimaru
    "Hello, master. I am Enoch, Knower of Secrets in the Caster class container.... now. How might I assist you?"

    Brunhild
    "What a strong woman... I wonder if there is anything she can't crush?"

    Cain
    "...I see my uncle has fallen far... how sad. Master, I must request we never meet. It... will not end well."

    the Scarlet Pimpernell
    ".... A novel concept... but heroism is to always be praised. That said... are you sure you are ready for this?"

    Furbaide Ferbend
    "Such dilligence... such devotion. Yet, to focus it on killing... I cannot call you evil, but I cannot call you good"

    Stingy Jack
    "Oh... what a novel legend you are... to trick the devil himself, that is quite a skill... but to misuse it so. A pity"

    Hektor
    "Ah, what splendid attire. Well worn, soldier."

    Foreigner of Twinkling Stars
    "What a wonderful servant. Despite your class... I can think of no better representative than you for Humanity... truly, a wonder incarnate"

    Clabhan
    ".... Fairies? Sir, I ask kindly you refrain. My research is honest and to gods teachings... which forbid flirtation with such forces"

    Charles Babbage
    "... What a fascinating dream you have... I wish you the best of luck, friend. Truly"


    Noble Phantasm

    Spoiler:
    Per Meum Opus
    The Book of Enoch


    Type: Self
    Rank: B


    the crystalization of his magnum opus, the Book of Enoch acts as his primary Noble Phantasm. It has two simultaneous effects; It seals the skill Rejection From Humanity at all times, granting him his full power. Secondly, it increases not only the number of workshops but also their functionality. He can maintain up to 5 false workshops now that can funnel prana to his main workshop and he can establish gateways between them so long as a legitimate entryway (a window, a door, or a hatch) exists in each. He can enter it normally without these but he uses them for quick mobility in a hurry. Further, he can dismantle both the workshop and it by simply uttering this Noble Phantasms true name. Finally any spell cast in his workshop by him is a verse higher. However to establish these he needs at least a weak for each and prana equivalent to a D-ranked noble phantasm. Due to this, it can be a somewhat exhaustive process. Finally enemies can use the gateways so long as their active making clever servants an enemy to him.


    Ascensionis Metatron
    I am the Metatron


    Type: Anti-Self
    Rank: EX


    Despite being a facet of the above noble phantasm, it is powerful enough to be separate entirely. Based on his ascension to heaven and change into a Divine Spirit, crystallized into this Noble Phantasm. So impressed was god by Enoch, who used no tricks in reaching his accomplishments, that he was rewarded this act. Normally, Divine Spirits are impossible to summon. However, Enoch may accomplish this with three acts; He must first recreate his magnum opus at least once, then he must reject the death of at least one person wholly, and finally he must become aware of his connection to the root. Once all three are achieved he may prepare a summoning ritual and speak the true name of this Noble Phantasm at the end of the ritual, after which he will become the Divine Spirit Servant Metatron.





    -------------------------------------------------------------------

    There it is. A new update to a sheet that had a pretty hard flop when I first did it. I think this'll be the final version of the sheet as it does everything I want it to. Now that my two are in I look forward to the rest. I plan to add more interactions as more servants become available.
    Last edited by Baron Magnus; November 17th, 2021 at 03:18 AM.
    Rookie Lorekeeper, Amateur Extraordinaire, and all around nasunoob.


    Check out my servants!

    Current servant being worked on!

  18. #38
    Appearance

    Source
    "Yo, Master. Hektor of the gleaming helmet, once again answering the summons. I heard we're going on vacation, so I went ahead and dressed appropriately. So, where are we headed?"
    Class: Shielder
    Alternate classes: Lancer, Saber
    True Name: Hektor
    Gender: Male
    Height and Weight: 180 cm / 82 kg

    Source: The Trojan War
    Region: Greece
    Alignment: Lawful Neutral
    Attribute: Man

    Parameters
    Strength: C
    Constitution: A
    Agility: C
    Magical Energy: A
    Luck: B
    Noble Phantasm: B
    Biography
    Legend
    Hektor, the valiant supreme commander of the Trojan army during the ten-year conflict known as the Trojan War, has decided on a change of clothes in order to fit the summer mood. Though there are no anecdotes of Hektor wielding a shield of note, it seems that the laid-back summer lifestyle stirs up memories of the city he called "home".

    Character
    Likes: Relaxing, water activities
    Dislikes: Anything that takes one out of the vacationing mood
    Talent: Strategizing, pushing people's buttons

    Hektor's personality hasn't undergone any major changes, so he still presents himself as a slacker who decided to go on vacation leave after putting in the bare minimum at work. However, this could not be further from the truth. Upon being introduced to the idea of a summer vacation, what Hektor saw was--

    The sunlight glinting off the cool water.
    The brushland grass swaying with the breeze.
    The lively smiles of the people.

    In other words, what Hektor saw was "the Troy that I fought to protect". He therefore resolved to spend his precious vacation days watching over and defending those of others. Sure, his joints might ache like hell right before he has to go back to work, but if it's for the sake of protecting people's carefree daily life, it's a more than equivalent exchange.

    Relationships
    Master
    Outwardly, their relationship appears the same as usual, but in Hektor's mind, he's currently playing as "the undercover bodyguard looking out for his ward while trying not to interfere with their daily activities".

    Achilles
    Hektor is in his "avoid Achilles" mode this time. Well, "avoid Achilles at all costs" mode. He's trying really hard to avoid throwing stuff at that hothead, so cut him some slack.

    Paris, Mandricardo, Bradamante
    Hektor is already thinking of souvenirs to bring home to his family. Ooh, Paris might like that shiny seashell over there! And the little lady definitely needs something to cover her bottom-- a sarong, maybe?

    Penthesilea
    "Ah, Miss CEO, I'll be taking a short leave. Try to hold down the fort while this lowly fixer-upper takes a vaca-- Eh? Not notified? But I sent in my request six months ago!"
    CLASS SKILLS
    Magic Resistance: B++
    The ability to resist magical effects. It becomes possible to cancel all spells not on the level of High-Thaumaturgy or Grand Rituals, whose effects are only greatly reduced. Furthermore, plus corrections are applied when facing Magecraft that has "water" as its foundation.

    Riding: C
    The ability to ride mounts and vehicles. All properly prepared vehicles and animals can be handled, but Phantasmal Beasts cannot be ridden. Hektor originally held a B rank in this skill, but because he's trying to fight like a "proper" Shielder-class Servant by limiting his potential escape routes, the skill has received a Rank-Down.

    Self-Field Defense: C
    A power manifested to protect allies and ally territory. Applies damage reduction beyond defensive limits, but Hektor himself is excluded from the effect's target.

    Due to Hektor's nature as a provocateur, his allies receive less damage due to the enemies directing all efforts to extinguish his life. In particular, he managed to momentarily halt the fighting between the Trojans and the Greeks several times by provoking the Achaean champions into single combat. A rather roundabout way of expressing the skill, but as long as the end result is achieved, it should be fine, right?

    PERSONAL SKILLS
    Waterside Operations: B+
    A skill derived from the Military Tactics originally possessed by Hektor, only now being unleashed upon taking on the persona of a vacation-goer. Denotes the ability to formulate strategies whilst taking advantage of the terrain, most notably areas near large bodies of water. In addition to the usual bonuses applied to the deployment of Anti-Army Noble Phantasms, plus-corrections to melee damage and defense are also applied whilst fighting near bodies of water.

    The ten-year Trojan War was said to have taken place on the shores of the great river Scamander, and Hektor, being the general of the Trojan army, took advantage of this terrain to win many victories against the Achaean invaders.

    Incognito Vacation: C
    An odd fusion of Hektor's original Disengage skill and the Beach Hero skill. While Hektor's fame as a hero is without question, a married man with an infant son doesn't really appeal to that many demographics (and the ones that do find that appealing prefer to be locked in their basements), so Hektor can freely stroll around a beach, unrecognizable among the multitudes of middle-aged businessmen taking solo vacations. It becomes possible to freely slip in and out of the beach without anyone noticing, with the added effect of being able to regain one's original conditions upon leaving. An indispensable skill for avoiding a certain green-haired ikemen.

    Proof of Friendship: C+
    The Skill to suppress an enemy Servant's fighting spirit to a certain extent, where a dialogue can then begin. However, the enemy Servant must not possess Mental Pollution, or Skills that prevent mutual understanding in general. The skill receives a plus modifier as compared to Hektor's original appearance due to people being in higher spirits than usual when it's summertime, making it easier to come to terms with one another.

    NOBLE PHANTASMS
    Skamandros Prosopon: Unfading is the River God's Benevolence
    Rank: C
    Type: Anti-Army Noble Phantasm
    Range: 1-10
    Maximum targets: 25 people



    The Face of Scamander. A fragment of the river god Scamander's Divine Core that has been molded into the shape of a surfboard. That said, despite this appearance, it's actually used more like a wand. By feeding magical energy to the core of the river god, Hektor is able to produce large quantities of river water. Of course, creating waves to surf on is one application of this ability, but one of Hektor's favorite techniques involves materializing a thin film of moisture all throughout the floor for enemies to slip on.

    Skamandrios Teichos: Unshakable is the Crown Prince's Devotion
    Rank: B
    Type: Barrier Noble Phantasm
    Range: 1-15
    Maximum targets: 300 people

    The Wall of Scamandrius that qualifies Hektor for the Shielder class. Not any sort of divine blessing, but a manifestation of sublime technique and unwavering determination that brings forth a harmonious union of Troy's three great defenses: the river Scamander encircling the city, the mighty walls built by the hands of Zeus and Poseidon, and Hektor himself.

    A towering wall of raging water that perfectly protects everything behind it. Melee attacks are immediately absorbed or swept away, so magecraft that is conceptually advantageous against water must be prepared to counter this Noble Phantasm. Hektor's movement speed and range are significantly decreased while it is deployed, but that's because it takes a herculean amount of concentration to give shape to water, a fluid element that naturally resists the imposition of boundaries. That he can move at all while it is active is a testament to his dedication to protecting his charges more than anything else.

    Additional Notes
    Link to original sheet
    As a small bonus, I also included here my revision of vanilla Hektor's Noble Phantasm (which, in my opinion, is the weakest part of his FGO sheet).

    Durindana Keraunos: Ultimate Unbroken Thunderbolt
    Rank: A
    Classification: Anti-Army Noble Phantasm
    Range: 1-50
    Maximum Number of Targets: 50 people

    Durindana is the sword that Hektor wields. It would change hands numerous times in the ages following the Trojan War before resurfacing as Durandal, the sword of the paladin Roland. It's a weapon that will not lose its sharpness even should its user's magical energy be depleted, earning it the designation "peerless sword". Additionally, thanks to the three fragments of Zeus's Divine Core-- the ultimate expression of the god's favor-- embedded in its hilt, it's possible to lengthen the sword's handle and use it as a spear.

    Upon true name release, one of the fragments of Zeus's Divine Core is consumed to imbue Durindana with large amounts of lightning-attribute magical energy. The weapon can then be utilized to release a wave of lightning (in the case of the sword form) or thrown as a missile (in the case of the spear form). Destructive power is obviously high, but the greatest distinctive trait of this attack is its ability to fully utilize Durindana's innate indestructibility by piercing through all sorts of defenses, just like in the legend.
    Last edited by Nuclear Consensus; November 18th, 2021 at 08:01 PM.

  19. #39
    Well, this contest is going swimmingly (pun not intended).

  20. #40
    死徒(下級)Lesser Dead Apostle
    Join Date
    Jun 2021
    Posts
    423
    This is just a test run. Give it time to grow.

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