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Thread: (Bi)Monthly Rework-a-Servant Contest

  1. #401
    The Hopeful Gl4re's Avatar
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    1 Point: Nuclear's David. A well put together sheet that competently puts the character forward in a new framing. For a rework contest, that's a pretty good baseline to aspire to. Nice stuff.

    2 Points: Corvus' Talos. I like robots. They're very cool. And on the topic of reworking, I feel this one interacted particularly well with the theme of Divinity. You took the Nasuverse framing of Greek divinity and extended it a concept we already knew existed, but this time as their own character. Good work!

    3 points: DelRay's Guifei. Speaking of reframing the context of Divinities, this was a sheet that sought out to do just that, and then accomplished it. It's simple, but I really do appreciate the simple and punchy sheets over the elaborate ones. And, again, it met the criteria I wanted to look for in this contest. Overall, great job!
    It's winter in Sapporo. And as the weather stirs, so too does a new Holy Grail War.

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  2. #402
    死徒(下級)Lesser Dead Apostle Vididii's Avatar
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    Aw fuck, almost forgot to do these

    1 Point- Nuclear's Caster Hector

    2 Points- Dracoscribe's Summer Jaguar Man

    3 Points- Gl4re's Caster Heracles

  3. #403
    Fluff gives me life DracoScribe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nuclear View Post
    Draco's Jaguar Warrior (Anti-Summer): I like this sheet very much. It reminds me of Jet Okita in how she plays with meta memes, which is made even better by the new lore you incorporated into her Skills and Noble Phantasm. The main thing I find needs improvement here is the use of direct references to Lasengle and FSN. I found that these made the sheet too blasé; if you made the references more subtle I think the atmosphere of "an in-joke that's funny even if it's unsaid" would have been better preserved.
    I'm glad you liked this very, very on-a-whim sheet despite the things you pointed out. I can see what you mean by the out-of-universe references, since I only mention it in the "fourth wall break and the pretend it didn't happen" way ("Oh look the audience wants us to move forward." "What audience?" "What?" "What?").

    Quote Originally Posted by Nuclear View Post
    Another thing that dampened my reading experience was the formatting. Breaking up the sheet via bond levels seems like a popular trend here, but the whole sheet felt like a slog to read, mainly because I found it hard to distinguish where the narrative ended and the profile started. Personally, I would set the profile segments to left-alignment while keeping the narrative center-aligned to better distinguish the two.
    Oh, eh, ah...that's a shame. I mean I'm not surprised since it felt like a mess to format it all, but the reason I went that way in the first place instead of what I did for my previous sheets is 'cause...well, the profile part was part of the narrative, more than my other sheets so far, most notably the Noble Phantasm and the "normal version reveals", meanwhile the "funny versions" were because I wanted to write them 'cause I just found it so funnt Jaguar Warrior renamed her skills. I'll keep the suggestion in mind for the future nonetheless.

    Quote Originally Posted by Nuclear View Post
    One last thing: you know what's more Anti-Summer than "a shady tourist trap owner"? A demonic English teacher who gives away vacation homework like it's candy. Make of that what you will.
    OH MY GO--
    ...
    ...I love that idea. I wish I thought of it...the sheet would've ended up WAY different (I went with "shady tourist trap owner" because of the Noble Phantasm. A business person would want to replace all the local businesses with their own and stuff) if I did...but alas I didn't...

    Anti-Summer Jaguar Warrior 2.0: Electric Boogaloo in the far future maybe...?

    But I digress. Again, I'm glad you still liked my sheet despite those flaws. And thanks for the critique!

    Now...for my thoughts on the Servants.

    Foreigner - Yang Guifei by DelRey: I do not know the FGO version of Yang Guifei yet so I can't tell the differences made, but from what Nuclear said, I probably wouldn't be able to tell anyway. Still nice sheet even if I was surprised at how short it was compared to what I've read of you before.

    Archer - David by Nuclear: I like this. I REALLY like this. As in "I wish this was the David we got in FGO" like, which is the kind of like I want when seeing a rework of a canon Servant. From his more uh...what's the word? Guess layered personality to have a more interesting reason behind the money bit to NPs whose concepts I find cool (and fun in the case of the dancing direction for the second), I really like this sheet.

    Berserker - Marinette/Cecile Fatiman by NailsInYourFeet: Oh this one's cool. Admittedly my favorite part about this sheet is just learning about the figure's existence and more on voodoo, but that would've been boring if it wasn't presented well, I think it was.

    Berserker - Jaguar Man by Vididii: As I said, it's always nice seeing more sheets of a character I like, but I pretty much agree with Nuclear's critique, even if I don't really dislike this sheet. So that's all I got to say.

    Ruler - Rabia of Basra by Ismail2002: The lack of punctuatuon for a lot of the sentences in this sheet is driving me nuts. And that's saying something considering I don't mind purposefully "bad" punctuation or grammar. But if I say anything more than that I'm gonna end up ranting so I'mma just say: I always applaud anyone who can have faith in their deity but she comes off as the kind of person that I don't like, someone so blindly faithful that she ends up coming off as a jerk at times. Like I get it, but at the same time I don't like the attitude. But even not counting the fact I don't like the character personally, this sheet felt like an interesting figure stuck in a not-so-interesting sheet aka "I wanna care with what bits I got but I can't bring myself to". Though I can't tell if that's being heavily influenced by my view on her personality or not, so make of that as you will.

    Caster - Engonasin by Gl4re: punch wizard? Punch wizard. NICE. Okay a little elaboration. I like that you took the "Herakles can't be summoned as Caster" and went "Bet". I love it when people do stuff like that and, more importantly, make it work, and boy does it work here. The NP in particular ensapculates how you make it work: that his very body is the foundation of a magic system. Man that's a neat way of making him Caster. I like this guy's personality too, what with the whole "no I am not teaching you to be strong, I am teaching you to be the best at what you do".

    Ruler - Morrigan Kafka by NailInYourFeet: I...don't really know what to think of this? I think it's cool to see the Morrigan, I'm fond of that goddess (or at least the name), but like...for some reason, the reasoning you give for Kafka being one of the Morrigan is...I guess half-baked? On one hand, it's cool trivia that the Morrigan is a mantle, but on the other hand, I'm not completely convinced on that mantle being Kafka's. I can't quite put into words why. I just don't feel that strongly about it.

    Caster - Talos by Corvus: TALOS. wait...he's someone's NP in the game? HMMMMMM but I digress. I like this sheet a lot. I'm happy to see Talos brought to life like this. Everything about it was so cool. But I think my favorite part was just simply the story weaved throughout the whole sheet. I don't know. I just like it. I'd summon for him if he was a thing.

    Caster - Hektor by Nuclear: i am definitely not an expert on hektor...but with what I did know, I was disappointed and confused at canon version. This ain't exactly a rework of him (I should totally go look around for it now that it's come to mind...), but this is still fun to see. The kind of stupid fun I like for "seasonal alts", which I'd describe as a performance alt (to use Fire Emblem Heroes alt terms). My favorite parts were the NPs. Gotta have the maximum capicity to be an idol after all.

    Also:
    "Are the twelve Olympians really just a gaggle of hormonal teenages?"
    i thought everyone knew that hektor. :V
    (note: i have yet to reach the atlantis lostbelt)

    Berserker - António Soares/Chandoré by Criarino: Uh. Uh. Uh... I feel bad for the guy...? I don't know what else to say. While it's not "bad", especially not compared to grammar that was driving me nuts for thr Rabia sheet, this didn't really leave that much of an impression on me. So yeah...

    Berserker - Nero by Alexcoene: Fun sheet! Time to rock and roll! Or something. Actually what kind of guitar music would this Nero be playing...? I assumed rock and roll because--er, never mind, digressing. Fun sheet. Favorite part was that, despite it being a fun sheet, you tied its existence to Nero's later years.

    Archer - Empress Jingu by Spammin Spiff: oh this is cool. SHE'S cool rather. Man I wanna know more about her. I will admit I'm...not quite getting entirely the logic behind her being Archer? I'm really trying to, since you explained it, but my brain is farting and still not understanding. But honestly that's minor because I just like the sheet so much I kinda forgot about her being an Archer and didn't care too much about it. I don't know if that's a good thing or not, all I know is that I now wanna learn more of this figure and looking forward to see the other class versions you make.

    And now...the voting!

    First, an honorable mention to Spamming stuff for the Empress Jingu sheet that I really wanted to give a vote to, but I liked the other sheets done by these people more soooo yeah...

    1 points: Corvus
    2 points: Gl4re
    3 points: Nuclear
    Author of:
    Persona 5: Refraction (SV link; FF.net link)
    "You didn't have to fight for me, you know." "And you didn't have to curl your hair so we'll look even more alike." Ren stared before he softly chuckled, Akira joining him not long after. With one simple decision as a child, Ren Amamiya goes to Tokyo alongside his little sister, Akira. (P5R Sibling AU) (Ren/Ann, Akechi/Fem!Akira)
    Updates on: February 22, 2023
    Velvet Throne
    My list of my Servants! Still small for now.

  4. #404
    死徒(上級)Greater Dead Apostle Alexcoene's Avatar
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    1 point: DelRey, a nice elaboration and expansion of her Canon version
    2 points: Nuclearn, better personality than Canon for sure and a great interpretation of his legend.
    3 points: Gl4re, Caster Heracles is a totally ludicrous idea on paper, and yet you made it really work with the ties into Magecraft lore and Greek myths

  5. #405
    屍鬼 Ghoul Corvus's Avatar
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    3 Points: Gl4re's Caster Heracles
    2 Points: Nuclear's Archer David
    1 Point: DelRey's Foreigner Yang Guifei

  6. #406
    夜属 Nightkin sutaa's Avatar
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    Reviews to come hopefully, but for now.

    3 points:
    DelRey
    2 points: Nuclear
    1 point: Gl4re

  7. #407
    Local Extra Class Aficionado DelRey's Avatar
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    I count the votes later today
    Until then you can still vote
    Behold! The works of a maniac!
    Servants!

    And my other contribution to this community!
    Advanced Formatting Guide
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    Extra Class Comp

    Call me Formatting-sensei.

  8. #408
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    3 points: Engonasin
    2 points: David
    1 point: Rabia of Basra

  9. #409
    Your average angst/edge supplier BnEl15's Avatar
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    3pts: Engonasin
    2pts: Yang Guifei
    1pt: Caster Hector

  10. #410
    Local Extra Class Aficionado DelRey's Avatar
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    Thanks to all

    and the winner is ME!
    Because you all took part in my little contest
    and i disqualified everyone that did not vote for me

    3rd with 15 pts is DelRey
    2nd with 17 pts is Nuclear
    WINNER with 21 pts is Gl4re

    Congratulations
    I remember all of you that next January will be no Bimonthly in favor of the Secret Santa contest
    next one scheduled in March.
    Gl4re, if you are confident you are still around by then (I speak for all if i say, pls do), you can wait with the prompt until then.
    If not, gimme the prompt earlier
    Behold! The works of a maniac!
    Servants!

    And my other contribution to this community!
    Advanced Formatting Guide
    Free FC Gallery
    Extra Class Comp

    Call me Formatting-sensei.

  11. #411
    The Hopeful Gl4re's Avatar
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    Wahoo! Thanks for the votes everyone And excellent work to all the other participants too

    I plan on sticking around, so I'll take some time to think about the prompt
    It's winter in Sapporo. And as the weather stirs, so too does a new Holy Grail War.

    Fate/UpRise
    Character Compendium
    Story - Ch. 3

  12. #412
    死徒(上級)Greater Dead Apostle Alexcoene's Avatar
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    Congratulations for a well-earned win, Gl4re!

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