Kara no Kyoukai: the Garden of Sinners
By: Kinoko Nasu
Translation: An Admirer of Shiki
Proofreading: KCold
13 (Paradox Spiral, 6)
According to our conversation, the man was a friend of Ryougi’s since their high schools days. I had no interest in this kind of detailed talk. I just wanted to help Ryougi and save her, and so I only followed this man because he wanted the same.
We did not exchange names with one another, only exchanged relevant information. The man said that a red coated man named Alba had captured Ryougi this afternoon.
This sounded like a declaration. Ryougi and I had gone to the mansion just yesterday night. The times did in fact match up. Looking at my watch I could see we had just reached seven in the evening. Time was progressing like any other day, even after yesterday’s events. The man had been waiting for Touko, but it appears that she has had the tables turned by those guys as well. Left alone, he had decided to take action now instead of waiting until tomorrow.
I told the man everything about what had happened yesterday.
About the apartment’s east and west towers. About my two homes. How the monstrous Araya had grabbed Ryougi. . . About how I had met Ryougi when she saved me from those punks.
The man listened to my talk intently. It was almost unsettling how intently he listened to near impossible to believe experiences without showing any signs of doubt.
“. . .So what do you think?”
Having listened to my speech, the man merely posed a question while wearing a deep expression.
“There is nothing for me to think! Ryougi is somewhere in that mansion. Is there anything to think about other than saving her?”
“That’s not what I meant, I was asking what you think about your parents. Which do you think are real?”
The man looked at me with worried eyes as he asked about this topic I had not even considered.
My parents, the parents who I had killed. . .yet who had also raised me.
“That. . .that has nothing to do with this! Let’s deal with that later!”
“It is related. Touko told me that that structure is a place where ersatz things exist. If a family suicide takes place then it is not their fault, but rather a design by the apartment’s structure itself. That apartment creates things. You are the same. You saw a dream in which you were killed, so you killed your parents out of anxiety. But, was that actually of your own will? Did you really kill your parents? Did your parents actually die by your hands?”
The man seemed to stare at me piercingly.
This guy didn’t seem to glare at me, but I still felt as if he was looking down into the depths of my soul. He was the exact opposite of Ryougi, yet equally fierce in his own way.
. . .I had noticed the paradox already. Somewhere in my heart I already understood. I knew I had killed my parents with my own hands. But even so there was one aspect I never accepted fully, letting it float in midair. I could only reject it completely.
“. . .I killed them. That alone is true. I can still recall the feeling of my mother’s blood on my hands. I certainly remember placing my hands on my parents one month ago. I cannot run away from this.”
“And what about your parents? Until now you’ve only mentioned your mother. Your father is missing from the story. Did you only kill your mother?”
“Why are you so persistent? I told you my father was already dead. I saw his dead body and I—”
Suddenly I noticed. I definitely did see my father’s dead body, but was he dead because of me? I remember killing my mother, yet I have no memory at all of how my father died.
My old man had already been done in by Mom. The dead bodies of my parents from half a year ago. Indeed, the Enjou family’s demise had been brought about by my mother.
It was as if I had been killing my parents every day.
That dream was reality.
I hadn’t been running from a dream.
I had been running from reality, and with my own hands I—
The sounds of gears grinding.
“—Shut up! Nothing about my parents matters anymore! I just want to help Ryougi! I don’t know anything about anything else.”
That’s right, this right now is my only reality. There is no point in thinking about anything else.
“So then do you have a plan? If you plan on helping all by yourself, do you have a plan of action?”
Glaring at me the man gave a nod as if to assent.
“If so then just one thing. Talking to you has changed my mind. This case is not something we can handle on our own. It may be something we need to call the police for.
The man said this quietly.
What is this man on about now? It may be too late to say this, but I wonder if we were playing right into the hands of those guys.
“Are you serious?”
The man slouched his shoulders and shook his head.
“No of course not. But that is what judgement should look like. I think it’s fine that you want to save Shiki, but you need to think about your own position too. You must treasure your own life, it is not something you can just throw away.”
“Shut up! How can you understand any of my feelings? I’m nothing. I couldn’t save anyone! If I can’t at least save Ryougi, then I have nothing. All I have is the oath I took to protect her with my life!—.”
As I said so feeling welled up from inside.
I recognized this feeling. It’s the same as that night. It’s not simply that I want to help Ryougi, but rather rather that I want to die trying to help Ryougi.
Right now it hurts too much to go on living. Since I have nothing left, continuing to exist is meaningless. However, I still don’t want a meaningless death. So dying for the sake of Ryougi, that is a death that has meaning.
Dying for the woman one loves, that is more than enough for me.
. . . This man, who recognized what I was feeling, suddenly gave me a pained look.
“You don’t understand.”
I couldn’t do anything other than feebly agree.
The man quietly stood up.
“Alright. Let’s go save Shiki. However, before that there is one place I want to go first. Come with me, Enjou Tomoe.”
Once again he used my name even though I never taught it to him, and we walked into the night.
I followed the man and we boarded a train. We took a lane completely different from the one that lead toward the apartment complex, and we arrived at a station I did not recognize. The town was a small residential area away from the bustle of the city. The station had not even a traffic circle in front of it, and the town but two convenience stores. A sad state of traffic through the area.
“This way.”
The man quickly read the map signboard and started walking in a direction. We walked for a few minutes and the town grew quiet as it sank into the quietness of the time after dinner. Houses became fewer and fewer and soon only the street lamps reliably provided lighting as far as the hand could touch. Narrow walkways. Narrow bridges. Trash scattered about and stray dogs looking for scarps. Really not a polished looking place at all.
This man really was coming here for the first time. I thought initially we were going to make preparations related to saving Ryougi, but it seems that this was not the case. As I followed the man while we walked silently, a sense of frustration steadily built up. We don’t have time to be strolling through this area!
“Hey, I’ve had enough of this. Where are you taking us?”
“Just a little bit farther. Over there, see that park? And next to that empty field, alongside it.”
I followed the man through the park.
Of course the park was deserted at night. I mean even during the afternoon this place was probably empty. The playground there was very quiet and placed on top of a flat plot of land.
Not even a slide or a jungle gym was there. Only a sorry set of iron bars stood there, rusted over and leaving one to wonder in how many years since it had been polished.
“. . .huh?”
Something flashed through the back of my mind. I. . .haven’t I been to this park before?
From childhood, and other memories as well, I came here before and even played on that playground before.
As I stood there looking the place over, I suddenly realized that the man had gotten pretty far ahead of me.
Next to the empty field, he stopped in front of a detached single house. I hurried up my gait to catch up with him.
The man stood looking at the house silently. As I caught up with him he shifted his gaze to me and had a lock of pity in his eyes.
His facial expression seemed to implore me to proceed ahead.
It had rotted.
A house, solemn rooms, a small house.
The gate had rusted and half decayed while the garden was overran with weeds.
Those weeds extended all the way up to the house’s walls itself. The paint was peeling here and there. Rather than a house, the structure resembled a weary stray dog.
How long has it been since humans resided here?
This was no longer a house. It hardly qualified as ruins.
“. . . .”
My voice did not come out.
Taking it all in, but unable to enter the ruins, I started to cry.
I hadn’t felt any pain or frustration, but for some reason the tears came anyway.
I didn’t know any of this. I had never seen this sort of thing.
However, my soul remembered. Tomoe Enjou certainly had not forgotten.
Even though I had thrown away my past, Tomoe had remembered this place the whole time.
“My. . . home.”
The place I had lived until I was eight years old. Those forgotten days.
“Enjou, where is your home?”
When she asked me that question I shook my head while making a difficult face.
“I’m talking about the place you call home. It’s fine if you don’t know I guess.
Was this the place you were talking about, Ryougi?
But now what had happened to this place?
Collapsed and broken down, this place was in ruin.
I had only harsh memories of my home. When I was around eight years old, my father was the despot of the home. My mother only every went along with what he said, like a wooden doll.
I never even had enough food or warm clothing. My parents never considered me anything other than a nuisance.
This is why I considered Ryougi more important to me than even my own parents.
So important.
So then why was I here and even crying?
The same thing happened even as I saw the bones of my parents. Everything went numb and I lost the ability to move. If I forget something important, then that means I’ve cut it out of my life.
“Why?”
I muttered this as I entered the garden of the ruins.
The garden was narrow. While it may have been perfect for a family of three, now as an adult I felt that it was even more cramped than I remembered.
I remembered this garden.
I was laughing happily as my father patted me on the head with his reliable arm.
My mother was smiling happily as she looked kindly at me.
I cannot believe it. Did I have such dream like happiness back in those days?
Did I really once hold such fundamental happiness?
“—Tomoe.”
A voice. I turned. There was a tough looking young man.
“I have something important to give you, please come here.”
The young boy ran after the man.
With reddish hair, the young boy resembled a little girl.
“Dad, what is this?”
“This is a house key. Don’t lose it, keep it with you at all times. You are a man. You have to protect your mother.”
“I have to protect this key?”
“That’s right. A house key is something that protects the family. It properly locks up the house when Mom and Dad are away from home and every thing can be all right.”
Since he was only a child, the boy still could only understand to a degree. Still, the young boy grasped the key and looked up to answer.
“Ok! It’s important. Even though I might be by myself, I’ll protect our home!”
The strength left my legs and caused me to fall on my backside to the ground of the garden. I tried to stand back up, but I could not.
As the memories distinctly came back to me, my body could no longer move properly.
I remember now. The key was a symbol of protecting the family. It was a treasured symbol of the family.
The household was broken, not a trace of it remained.
I cursed the circumstances that brought me to forget my past.
. . .the past. Memories of a peaceful family life. A kind mother, a prideful father. Both loving parents. It was genuine. And I was an idiot for forgetting this life after it had been taken away from me.
Even though my parents had been so kind to me.
Even though I had seen such a bright world.
Having been so absorbed in the moment I tried to distance myself from my own parents and considered them beneath me. I ignored their pleas for help and closed my heart off to them.
Are things truly eternal?
No. One must never wish for anything everlasting. His parents’ feelings were genuine, the real thing. I forgot about this. I—had thought I was the victim when really I was the one who brought suffering on to my family.
My father who was facing persecution from all sides had wanted to move, but was stuck in place.
My mother who suffered from the relentless gossip of others, took on a part time job and worked.
Those two together, thought only of saving me.
Whenever I got home from work, my mother always was waiting for me. Whatever she would say, I would always turn my back on my parents and ignore them, never saying anything. Even though it was not just me who was suffering and my mother must have been suffering much more than me.
With no one to talk to, and getting hit by my father, my mother silently continued working.
It was almost predetermined that her heart would break. And if I had only once turned around to speak to her, none of this would have happened.
“I am such an idiot.”
The tears began to flow and I covered my face in shame.
I was not crying because I saw a dream in which had killed my parents, nor because I had contributed to the construction of the apartment complex.
I was the one at fault. My mother was the victim. I was to blame for this and more, all because I had not turned around to face my mother. And it was I who was responsible for killing my parents, despite being the one who was most of all supposed to help them.
I must atone now for my sins.
Sitting on the ground, I clutched at the soil and clenched the dirt tightly in my hands.
The tears stopped.
Indeed, I had been crying for a while.
My tears were of pure frustration, not at all like the natural flow of the rainy season in Spring.
Because I was sad—because the weight of letting my parents die was too heavy, my tears flowed. For the first time. . .in six months since my parents had died I cried. It was a parting ritual.
That too ended. I could not spend forever on this trip. I eventually returned to the starting line.
The storm stopped and I heard the signal ring out. It’s time for me to run with all of my might.
. . .I finally noticed that the man had been with me the entire time.
Without saying anything, the garden faded from my view.
Even though I had not wanted to accept it, I had needed to come to this place. But for me to show my crying face was beyond honest. No, the man definitely knew that I needed this.
After all, I was not one disposed to get along with someone who was my rival in regard to Shiki.
“Damn, are you satisfied now?”
“I directed my spite at him without turning to face him.”.
The man nodded.
“. . .forgive me. I knew of your misfortune, but I have no words to express that can comfort you.”
That’s right. Only I can understand the pain.
Even if he pitied me, there was no way that I could explain to him my feelings.
He said something that felt really good to hear.
“I was raised in a happy family and lived a blessed childhood. So there is nothing I can say.”
. . .This is a nice guy.
Any words of comfort would have been almost insulting coming from him. But he had the tact to realize that nobody seeks sympathy. I was moved by his empathy and respected him more for it. I can’t let him think I was resentful.
“tch, if you know then just stay quiet, dummy.”
“But I don’t know really what else to do than offer my words. I don’t know how many times its been, nor how many more times this will happen, but what’s important is the moment and what you are feeling right now. It would be a mistake to think otherwise.”
The man said this as we stood under the moonlight.
Above all else, I mattered the most.
I will strive to protect the irreplaceable, me, Enjou Tomoe.
―Really, this must be the most pure existence.
There was nothing fake about self-preservation. No decorations. A bare, genuine essence.
What I considered ugly was definitely my own weakness. That night on which I had proclaimed I would die for Shiki, that self-effacing nature must have been what Shiki was mocking me about.
. . .No big deal.
In the end, such a different person from me could still identify my main faults.
While still crouched on the ground, I began to chuckle.
And then, the man offered me his hand to pull me up.
“If you cannot stand on your own then I’ll lend you a hand.”
. . .I off the bright gaze he looked down at me with.
The joints in my body screamed out in protest, yet stubbornness caused me to press forward, even if it would kill me.
Enjou Tomoe stood up.
“Enough with the over-helpfulness. Its time for me to do things by myself now.”
The man laughed straight forwardly and nodded.
“I thought you would say that!”
Mysteriously, I found myself smiling and laughing back.
Originally Posted by Mcjon01
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