A novel inspired by Type-Moon

[PillarOfEnera]

Hello, I am the author of The Pillar of Enera. I love Type-Moon's world building and adopted many of its elements:

1) Instead of Noble Phantasms, Enera’s immortals possess Sublime Vagaries. “They’re conceptual weapons, cheats which break reality itself. They’re the most powerful tools available to immortals and their most closely guarded secrets. For example, Lily Morgana gained fame with the title ‘living artillery’. From this, two abilities were born: ‘Godly Reach’ and ‘Infinity Engine’.”

2) A supreme entity born of the collective unconsciousness of mankind. Unlike the world in the Fate universe, the HEAVENLY DAO’s primary interest is entertainment. “Its desires are shaped by those of men. If enough believe something is ‘amazing’, then it’ll strive to make it real.”

3) Immortals are the equivalent of heroic spirits, exempt they are alive. Once someone has sufficiently impressed the HEAVENLY DAO, their names are inscribed on the Wall of Legends, and they’re granted godly power and eternal youth.


Anyway, if you enjoy Type-Moon, maybe you’ll enjoy my work too.

https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/51...illar-of-enera

[Dullahan]

I appreciate the effort it's taken to get your ideas expressed to the point that they are. I can't follow them, personally. The genre doesn't agree with me. But I'm glad you're doing it, and I hope the effort takes you somewhere from which you can appreciate its necessity.

[HumanComplex]

I’ll give it a try, but first impressions are a unholy mix of xianxia and those virtual reality anime. Generic premise, but I’ll give an update if I can bear through it.

Okay, just finished the first chapter. I’m not the best at articulating my thoughts, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought, and I usually make a better analysis after a while, but right of the bat it wasn’t bad. For starters, there were several grammar mistakes, more numerous than I would’ve liked. I disliked the narration, as everything felt like an explanation of his inner thoughts every few sentences, but it wasn’t unbearable. Really, it just felt new to me. The language isn’t really to my liking either, but again, bearable. I’ll definitely continue reading though, sorry if the review’s a bit basic.

[PillarOfEnera]

I’ll give it a try, but first impressions are a unholy mix of xianxia and those virtual reality anime. Generic premise, but I’ll give an update if I can bear through it.

You aren't untiredly wrong about the "unholy mix", lol. I believe if you take something that shouldn't work and make it work, you get gems like the Pirates of the Caribbean.

Incidentally, Enera was close to your typical xianxia a long time ago. Then the Heavenly Dao gained consciousness and changed everything.

- - - Updated - - -

I appreciate the effort it's taken to get your ideas expressed to the point that they are. I can't follow them, personally. The genre doesn't agree with me. But I'm glad you're doing it, and I hope the effort takes you somewhere from which you can appreciate its necessity.

Thank you for the encouragement. For reference, what was hard to follow?

[HumanComplex]

Okay, just finished some more chapters. Not sure where I ended, it was around the part where the hibernating dude (forgot his name) and the kids are talking. Starting of, it was quite annoying how you just dump lore explanations, and the kids' name and abilities. The way you tried to establish a foundation of the setting, it instantly made me bored with it, especially with the kids. Do you really expect readers to instantly remember them? We were literally just introduced to them, a group of random and suspicious kids that we don't care about, and me sitting here with a headache trying to remember which is which. The way you should've introduced them would be to slowly reveal them with a smaller cast in arcs, to make them more memorable. You should've taken this approach with the lore, but I did notice some attempt to conceal some detail, however miniscule it may be.

Positives here are the physical setting. The floating islands and their background have potential, though basing it off Earth kills some interest. That's really I could mention now, given that they're the most memorable things that happened. I can't speak much for the characters, they're pretty boring so far, but here's to the hopes of the story. On the bright side, it's better than 90% of original settings that I've seen on the internet by amateur writers.

Also wanted to ask, is it finished? Also how is Pirates of the Caribbean an unholy mix? It seems pretty standard if you ask me, but my standards are skewed anyways.

[PillarOfEnera]

Also how is Pirates of the Caribbean an unholy mix?

It isn't an unholy mix, but it is a movie based on a theme park ride (something that normally shouldn't work).

though basing it off Earth kills some interest

This definitely was never our Earth. It's just what people called Enera before the Fracturing.

The way you tried to establish a foundation of the setting, it instantly made me bored with it, especially with the kids.

Hmm, I'll see if I can maybe revise that chapter later.

Do you really expect readers to instantly remember them?

Honestly, not instantly. Many books (ie: Game of Thrones) throw dozens of names at you in the first few chapters. You get to know and remember them as you read more.

The way you should've introduced them would be to slowly reveal them with a smaller cast in arcs, to make them more memorable.

Given the setting (isolated in the artic) it would have been hard to have them show up one at a time. Their real introduction are the chapters written in their perspectives.

You should've taken this approach with the lore, but I did notice some attempt to conceal some detail, however miniscule it may be.

Oh, the lore is spread out, believe me. Because Enera isn't based on our Earth or your typical medieval fantasy world, there is more of it.

Also wanted to ask, is it finished?

Yes, it is finished. What I have published so far is about 40% of total.

On the bright side, it's better than 90% of original settings that I've seen on the internet by amateur writers.

Thank you. Please let me know what you think if you read more.