Feedback Thread - "Peanut Gallery" (Read OP)

[Dreamerless]

Okay?


This is all stuff you really should've told me in the sheet itself, you know.

I kind of did. Sorry if its not clear.

As for the Manfred killing women, I always assumed his sin was killing Astarte out of guilt for incest, but didn't put that in the sheet since its not comfirmed.

As for the Luck thing, I personally put it at EX because it varies depending on which skill he has. I changed it to be more clear as to what it means.

How about you, Del? Any advice?

[DelRey]

sounds like Dreamerless didnt learn
again

i have limited time and i rather read the sheets of Bn, Morg and NMR that are still on my list than a sheet that sounds like another needlessly overpowered servant with a "I win" button NP

[Dreamerless]

sounds like Dreamerless didnt learn
again

He's the one who gave feedback. I deleted the thing.

[RoydGolden]

Stede: Kit-wise he unfortunately does come off as "generic pirate", although it fits who he is and Gentleman Pirate works well to express his personality. Said personality is the best part of the sheet as it's decently fleshed out within a short framework. "Nakama power" for his NP helps set it apart a bit although it still is another "summon your chip and crew" NP for a pirate. I wish something more interesting could've been done but I can understand if this figure might not have that much else going for them...

Manfred: I agree with NMR that the suicide-jokes paint the sheet as a bit glib. Makes it seem like you didn't care all that much for the character despite writing about them. Characters who deflect from their depression with dark humor can work (I consider Dazai from Bungou Stray Dogs a good example of such) but you didn't really flesh it out that way. Given how powerful that NP is you might want to go into more detail on the process of summoning the spirits and how long it takes. If it's compared to obtaining a Grail it'd make sense if he couldn't do so instantly upon entering the War.

Now that I've pitched in any thoughts on my Faker John Gomez? It didn't get so much commentary back when.

[Dreamerless]

Manfred: I agree with NMR that the suicide-jokes paint the sheet as a bit glib. Makes it seem like you didn't care all that much for the character despite writing about them. Characters who deflect from their depression with dark humor can work (I consider Dazai from Bungou Stray Dogs a good example of such) but you didn't really flesh it out that way. Given how powerful that NP is you might want to go into more detail on the process of summoning the spirits and how long it takes. If it's compared to obtaining a Grail it'd make sense if he couldn't do so instantly upon entering the War.

You're right. I'll make the NP harder to do. However, its like obtaining a MUCH weaker Grail that can't even change a person's memories. As for the suicide jokes, I do get your point that they can seem a bit annoying. I was trying to express a dichotomy between him being this depressed edgy man and a humorous side.

[DrStein]

I forgot about this thread, because I'm dumb.


Anyone have any feedback for my Huitzilopochtli sheet?

[pinetree]

Uhh maybe ask another day

[OnesFleetingGlory]

Not the best time to analyze a wall text.

[Random]

You need to raise your Insight. Return when you have acquired the Pure Eyes necessary to see the souls of men through their lies, neophyte.

[Vididii]

You need to raise your Insight. Return when you have acquired the Pure Eyes necessary to see the souls of men through their lies, neophyte.

You mean Nyaophyte~

[DrStein]

...I think this sheet is cursed.


Why, mods? Why?

[Random]

Indeed, indeed... Or perhaps not.

To tell, you must acquire the Demon of Possibilities alluded to by Schrodinger himself.

Obtain the Cat's Eye, and all will be known to you.

Or perhaps it won't.

[RoydGolden]

So, does anyone have thoughts on my Boethius? Curious since it's both a remake and a Demon Pillar Host.

[Dreamerless]

Any advice on Hatfield?

https://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthrea...vant-3/page574

[TQG Imaginatorious]

You linked it to the wrong servant

[Dreamerless]

You linked it to the wrong servant

It's on the same page if you scroll down.

- - - Updated - - -

https://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthrea.../page574#11476

Fixed it.

[Dreamerless]

So, actually. Any thoughts on Hatfield?

[FarewellToMrA]

So, actually. Any thoughts on Hatfield?

I actually like this one, the personality works well as a sort of scummy person who genuinely seems to have a bit more buried under his destructiveness. I do have some issues with the sheet regarding the mechanical side, as I feel you leaned a bit too hard into his 'anti-desire' nature in a way that didn't really sell me. Affectation of the Holy Grail (False) didn't really make much sense, especially since you already gave him the sort of base 'minimum' of three which worked well already. You seem to have an interest in fanmade extra classes with your implementation of 'Trickster' stuff, but you don't commit to them in a way that ever manages to sell especially when they aren't the main class of the kit, such as with Hatfield here and pre-edit Nohoilpi/Vegas, and I think the overall skillset you create would work better if you just sort of gave a single skill characterizing the archetype you're going for rather than trying to attach a new idea to it.

Turning him into a Mage works since it better explains his ties to the Grand Order, and modern figures being Servants works in this specific case because of how the mechanics of the Grand Order plan would necessarily implicate more modern people having a 'poisoned crest'. Unlike other examples like Royd's Muggeridge, you accounted for why he would have that tie to the Ars Goetia by fiddling with his personal history in a way that doesn't stretch believability, which I can appreciate.

I think the way fan-pillar sheets worked as established by Kamera was the second NP would have a true name with some sort of tie to the corresponding Goetia demon, and a sort of 'demonic' twist on the abilities. In this case, the second 'variant' as you wrote it fit the pattern well enough in everything but name, as Hatfield having that NP independent of Furfur's fuckery wouldn't really make sense.

Overall, solid sheet, one of my favourites of yours so far. Still has some issues which I think are holding it down a little, but there's definitely noticeable improvement compared to your earliest contributions.

[Spelror]

any thoughts on my new sheet? I ditched the long ass Tom format because it was too draining and taxing.

[NINE-lives]

https://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthrea...=1#post3279330

Okay i made my first mage. What are your thoughts on it.