Oh wow thx spartacus, its appreciated
The criticism is fair
But I am not sure what you mean with key words
Oh wow thx spartacus, its appreciated
The criticism is fair
But I am not sure what you mean with key words
"Let's see the color of your coin, my friend."
Behold my vault of Heroes.
Where the Heavens and the Abyss breath the Music of Humanity.
The King's duty is to provide. And provide, I shall.
University of Formatting | Gallery of Potential | Memorandum of the Extra Class Kings
Our Kingdom will grow. And we shall know each citizen.
Create-a-Servant 4 soon.
like Kindling, Heat, Fire, etc
You can discussThe OG RequiemConQUEST and other Quests in Discord (disc is much more active here).
Click the image to ConQUEST
So, here's a fun one.
Technically this isn't just feedback JUST for me, as it involves the sheet of another creator, a supremely talented and top billed Brazilian Content creator who also stays around on BL. But well, this is something that we've done more than once. That is to say, she makes a servant of a given character and I made a servant related to that character as a follow up to the 'storyline'.
If I got cent everytime it happened, I'd have two cents. Which isn't much but it still weird that it happened twice.
And with the exact same characters.
As you cannot truly appreciate either one of the servants without getting the full picture, I decided to include links to Frenzy's admittedly superior works while stappling my own under as a helpful footnote!
Don't worry, I'm not actually that lacking in self-esteem.
Faker - Pedro II by Whitefrenzy
Rider - Pedro II
Moon Cancer - Isabel by Whitefrenzy
Ruler - Pedro II (Summer)
Anyway, same as before.
You guys can pick either one of the duos to talk about. You can talk about both if you feel like it, too but that's a bit of a tall order.
The sheets are admittedly chunky.
Anyhow, have fun!
Servant List The Wyvern's Managerie Lostbelt Information South America of the Nasuverse Fanfics The Voice of Thunder
I like the narrative here, of someone on the cusp of Beasthood struggling with a curse brought upon by her lineage and the person closest to her in life being summoned to try and address his mistakes in the past. I feel like it works well as a sort of underlying narrative, and I kind of wish F/GO would do something narratively similar at some point.
For the sheets themselves, I feel like they're quite good. I like the personalities that are conveyed through the skills and text in general. I like the fusion of history and mythology, even while it's not super pronounced, ends up offering a good justification for the power a sort-of Beast should communicate (although I wasn't really sold on it until I read the Moon Cancer one). I feel for Pedro, having to contend with his biggest mistake, small as it was, spiraling out of control such a catastrophic fashion, and the last part of the (summer) sheet is sweet and sad and awesome all at once.
I don't have anything really specific I can point out that I feel works better than anything else, I just feel like these are really solid sheets that do a good job telling a story and communicating a character all at once, which in my mind is almost a necessity for a sheet to go from good to great.
Well, this is my first time on this thread and now I need some feedback. I'm more or less out of a creative block and now I'm interested to know the opinion of those servants that I made not so long ago
Francisco Goya -- https://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthrea...=1#post3248005
Yeonsangun -- https://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthrea...=1#post3243905
Naresuan the Great -- https://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthrea...=1#post3244359
Chernomor -- https://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthrea...=1#post3241296
I have not yet learned how to make links more compact
On Yeonsangun:
Write more interesting Class Skills, no one gets excited to read the same basic official descriptions for the nth time. Especially if you're doing skills before bio, it just makes them start your sheet by skipping content, which is not a good first impression.
The same applies to the personal skills. Not to mention, only two of them? If I see a Servant with basic class skills and two short personal ones, I start thinking about whether or not the figure is worth being made into a Servant at all.
Proofread your text again. I'm pretty bad with typos personally but there's some completely wrong words there. I have no idea what sledurt and ifn't are meant to be there.
His description doesn't have enough meat to leave an impression, we don't even get to understand his relationship with his mother.
English is not my native language, hence there may be errors and so on. Yes, Yeonsangun really needs a makeover. In the near future I will try to make a better sheet. Thanks for feedback
Chernomor is surprisingly solid, with the background and skills working together to paint a good picture of the sort of person he is, while giving him interesting abilities from his legend paired alongside legitimate weaknesses. His beard being turned into additional Magic Circuits to act as the main source of his power is an interesting way to nasuverse it. I like the detail that his Incantations are weakened because he can't be bothered to properly groom his beard, speaking to how his ego holds him back. The sheet has a few bits that could be cleaned up a little in terms of grammar and spelling, but overall is still reads well despite minor problems. I'd say out of all of the sheets of yours I've seen, this is the strongest by far. Good job.
Regarding Shezum3's servants, the best I can describe them is that overall, they're... Bland in a way except for Chernomor that is easily the best of the four. The Skills (especially the canon ones), lore, and personality are just too short for me to care much about. The Noble Phantasms are better with interesting some of them are though.
As despite they hasve get some attention i want to introduce you to my Titanic servant and my Abre du Tenere i am curious what you say to these best girls ~!
Your verified Chikara-production Studios !
Dont ship me with anyone unless i say so !
When you wake a Dragon in his Lair...
It may not be a fan Servant, but I could use some feedback on what I have of my fic thus far. It's linked to in my signature- feel free to say what you will either here or there.
So, I redid Yongsangun, also added a couple of new concepts. Did I manage to pick up skills for these characters?
Yeonsangun — https://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthrea...=1#post3248176
Francis Xavier — https://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthrea...=1#post3248505
Nicholas I — https://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthrea...=1#post3249056
Okay, much like in CaS, I'm seeing reviews here not being dished as they should. Not a fault of anyone, or maybe it's everyone's. And I'm definitely not here to give any sort of solution, so don't take my words as gospel.
That being said, what's happening?
Koga opened a dangerous precedent: more than one sheet is demanding review now.
It's already crazy enough to give all of your attention to ONE sheet. Two? Three? All in one go? Now you're asking for the impossible. We live in a moment in which if you don't have the time or the attention spam you barely get one single thing out of the way. And then comes you, because this is the feedback thread, and demands reviews for a bunch of your sheets... Yes, you do believe you're entitled to the feedback, but if this happened once it can happen twice if you're not careful.
Another dangerous thing that's happening: post after post of only asks, not answers.
Our last 4 posts are all about wishing for reviews and none of them dedicated a minute of their time to answer the previous person. We're getting into CaS territory again, that now became the Jishara Land™ and we only see sheets and more sheets and more sheets until someone brave enough decides to review a sheet that caught their eyes. I know capitalism is melting, the old world is dying and the new one struggles to be born, we all have our routines and sheet writting is in the end of the day a hobby but c'mon people. Give to others what you want them to give to you sometimes.
Last but not least: read the rules y'all. Look at the time of these sheets.
These are fresh outta the oven. Even the rules say that we should wait AT LEAST three days, if you're really willing to be patient even one month before coming here begging. To know how to wait is a virtue, you know? We all want validation and comments, but sometimes as the OP said, "opinions take some time to be formed".
Now, I'm not here to post all of this and not give what I'm expecting from others, so expect an edit with some reviews. I'm doing my part.
That's fair I guess. I will star then. (Sorry, didn't read the rules).
Regarding Koga's Titanic, I am not sure how "a symbol of wealth" can be translated into a high rank Golden Rule, maybe rank it down a bit? And same with Charisma skill, I just don't see a connection as to how a sinking ship has the same rank of charisma as Iskandar. Maybe if you make it a sub-category then yeah I'd believe it. Soul shuffling of the damned should be a NP is my opinion. It has too many utilities outside of basic ones. I like the idea behind it, it's is cool and creative and could see Titanic servant having it.
Her NP is a bit confusing? The first part is pretty straightforward, but the second is wonky. Maybe I don't know a popular legend about Titanic that maker her able to do that but the justification kind of bothers me. The Lore or Backstory sections couls be used to fill in the gaps for users like me who don't see connections.
Overall I liked it. Especially the personality bit with boats.
Gimme an hour to get home and I'll read the rest of the sheets.
A fae-tree servant is a nice idea with (kinda) already existing precedent in the series. I will be honest, I didn't understand what you were trying to convey in her personality. She is nice but she is also deadly? She is hospitable to travelers?
Last Child of the Mythical Forest is a great skill with roots from its legend. And her repleneshing mana like a tree feeding from a root is so logical to have as skill that I feel stupid for not seeing it before. Same as above for Protection of Timiri, I liked the use of Berber language.
Spot Of Paradise is a good that NP satisfies her legend but shouldn't it be anti-army if it heals in an area? Her other NP is also good, though I can't help but have a feeling that it should be restricted or have have some kind of limitation.
I liked this sheet a lot more because I could see the connections between her and her legend about being a tree.
Last edited by ThreadNomad; February 16th, 2023 at 02:03 PM.
Y’all got any advice on Dietrich? https://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthrea...vant-3/page545
Dreamerless, I have advice for you
Read stuff. Any stuff. For example the OP or the post of WF not even an hour ago
"Let's see the color of your coin, my friend."
Behold my vault of Heroes.
Where the Heavens and the Abyss breath the Music of Humanity.
The King's duty is to provide. And provide, I shall.
University of Formatting | Gallery of Potential | Memorandum of the Extra Class Kings
Our Kingdom will grow. And we shall know each citizen.
Create-a-Servant 4 soon.
OkOriginally Posted by DelRey
Why is Tsar Nicholas a Berserker? I don't see him having qualifications of that class. There are a lot of interesting figures in russian history, and that's the reason I can't understand why you chose Tsar Nicholas. Maybe if you could expand upon his Lore I would see it, but yeah that sheet is kinda bland.
Francis Xavier is okay but I wish you expanded more on his personal skills. Like Cherub for example, angelic like creatures who attend to God but your only description about them is being robotic servants? It's not that I don't like it, I only wish you could have expanded on this idea. Kind of same with his other skills and NP.
I think your ideas cool, you should just write more about them.
Last edited by ThreadNomad; February 16th, 2023 at 12:35 PM.
I don't know anything about Dietrich nor his legend. The most fun part of servant sheets for me are the backstories/lore of characters people are writing about. I love the way their legends transition into a servant format. But when I have no info about servant's backstories I can't appreciate the sheet to the full. I can go and read about Dietrich but that's just it's own kind of trouble.
Ahem, sorry for rant. Regarding the sheet itself, yeah it's gold standard of sabers. All the skills of a good Saber and a blast sword NP. I don't know what to say honestly. Also, I feel like his "Inner Monster" should be represented as a skill, maybe Madness Enhancement?
Small advice, you can link people directly to your sheet by using post's number on the up right of your post.
Last edited by ThreadNomad; February 16th, 2023 at 02:36 PM.
I chose Tsar Nicholas for the reason that he belongs to the Romanov family, whose story in Fate is interesting to me. Unfortunately, there is not much information, so I decided to make a kind of history of this kind.
Why did Tsar Nicholas become a Berserker? Because of his very rigid and harsh style of government. He even had the nickname Palkin - from the word palka (steak), since under him corporal punishment in the army and in prisons was very common. And he himself fought hard with freethinking, so I made him a Berserker
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