(Bi)Monthly Don't-Create-A-Servant Contest

[Morg van Destro]

Alright. It's updated somewhat, but I may still update it later after everyone has stopped caring. Though, it should be a slightly more pleasant read now.
Still not sure if I'll actually expound on his magecraft.

[tsugumi]

Re: Cidney - damn, that was wild. Creepy and cool, I loved how much thought was poured into things, and felt the love for Australia. I soyfaced when I got to Cidney's familiar.

And Tindel's right: how can anyone despair at the diminishing Mystery in the world when we still don't know why wombats poop cubes?

[Random]

You know, two days ago, I was thinking I knew exactly what my votes were going to be. As they say in the Department of Zoology, don't count your chickens. Never count them. You will diminish their Mystery by quantifying them.

Since I believe voting is now open and I have about an hour before I need to leave the house, I figured I'd probably best get on that since I don't know when I'm gonna be free.

Point allocation

I was going to lead with an honourable mentions section, but then I realised I wanted to mention everyone, so I thought I'd best kick this off by saying that this first round has been fantastically fun. There has not been a single entry that has not activated my neurons in at least one spot. And I also, of course, want to shout out You both for restarting the contest and for the excellent primer. No matter what the outcome of this round - here's to the next, and to the round after that.

Alright, time for the real honourable mentions. Honestly, it's sad that I can't give more points, because this is a damn tight race.

Allerleirauh was the first entry, and I think it might go overlooked for that, especially since it had no idea what it was up against. That said, I think it's still pretty good.
Neuron activation: The relationship between the coat and its owners seems like a fascinating topic. What do they all think of it? Whose hands will it fall into next? This element of its background makes it feel far more like a character than just an object.

Fidelco Redolloc is a piece of shit and I love him. He's the sort of character who adds energy to the room no matter who he's in with, and you shot really, really far with the theme of dualism both in concept and execution. Excellent work all round.
Neuron activation: The ambiguity of the whole situation blends in with the moral bankruptcy of the man himself. I feel like he's right here in front of me, hastily making excuses for his actions. I want to believe him. I don't.

Mereidwyn is, atmospherically speaking, the most authentically Nasuverse character on this list. Melancholy and the fine line between animalisms is really doing it for me. I appreciate how the emotional throughline is linear while the storytelling itself is not.
Neuron activation: The sheer clinicality of the very last section is eerie. Describing such a horrific, miserable death in terms of neurochemistry is a genuinely disturbing way to do it, and deserves kudos.

1pt

Brevig Gaiuslink Grottwader by Pinetree
What can I say, you really understood the assignment. There's a lot of versatility in the fact that he's just been presented to us, plain and simple. Here's his background, here's a long list of Magecraft he can use, because of course he would have a list like this. He just is how he is, a washed-up Gaiuslink coasting by on what couldn't be taken away from him. Of course he still has a presence in the world, of course he's not exactly going on wild adventures, and of course he's not down and out regardless. It's a sheet that screams "what did you expect" in the best possible way - this is politics. It feels real. His character lends itself extremely well to being itemised in this way, and I'd say you've struck gold here - or at least enough bronze to earn a point from me.

2pt

Abiothales by Salt Pillar
This one had me hooked pretty quickly. It's a long, alien story and does a good job at humanising someone who feels completely removed from a human being. The scope of the history feels as vast and deep as it should. He was so close to a point, and probably would have won if not for the extension. I hope he does really well. The way it weaves philosophies together from people he's met in order to give you an overview of his outlook on the world without the man himself ever saying anything on the topic is really genuinely impressive as a feat of writing. This feels like a setup for something larger, or at the very least has the potential to be plugged into the setting at large. I wonder what he's up to these days.

3pt

Cidney Queensford by zikari8
Coming in swinging at the absolute last moment. Familial relationships, youthful considerations, interesting setting... Any of these would be worthy of points on their own in terms of execution. Putting them all together is just cheating. My stomach churned in multiple places, but I really want her to succeed all the same. I want to compare her to Sion, and she really meets the mark in that regard. And on top of that, solid props to you for thinking about the prompt not in terms of a rule you have to follow, but expanding beyond its confines and thinking outside of the box - this is really unique. What a fantastic entry. I hope the poor girl is going to be alright.

[PA270]

And two more clutch entries coming in the final hours! God, this is going to be a much tougher vote than I anticpiated!

Mereidwyn: This one is just so fascinating! It's deeply atmospheric, wonderfully developed, so steeped in melancholy that it felt truly heartbreaking in the best way possible. Add to that a really well constructed Magecraft component and a strong personality, and you have a truly fantastic piece of work!

Cidney Queensford and Yahoo Park: Is it technically cheating to basically have two entries in one post? I don't know and I don't care, because oh my word this was amazing. First of all, the level of detail you put into not only Cindy, but also the Queensford family as a whole was just super engaging from beginning to end. And then we have the breakdown of Yahoo Park and the Queensford Magecraft and the slowly increasing horror as Luxanna's mindset becomes more and more apparent. Then we get to meet Cindy properly, and my heart just aches for her. It could have been so easy for her to be lost among the rest of the worldbuilding, but not only does she stand out, but she makes the worldbuilding even stronger by giving us a human connection! And finishing off with those journals and the sheer horror and hope they contain...perfect! Absolutely top notch work from beginning to end!

EDIT: Oh, right, voting's open! Should probably get around to that!

Honorable Mentions: Mereidwyn (So atmospheric, so rich, so heartbreaking), Cryptomorph Shipping (Effectively conveyed concept, cool twist on cryptozoology, and just plain neat). Noe Crivelli (Love the backstory, love the personality, love the vibes, just a really solid entry!), Fidelco Redolic (Creepy, psychological, and disturbing in the best possible ways) and Brevig Gaiuslink Grottwader (Was going to be my third place choice literally until this morning. I love this magnificent asshole so much, and Assumption Magecraft is just a brilliant idea)

1 PT: Sveinn Herydir-Dragilaz by Random: It pains me to only give this entry one point, because it's just so freaking good. It's a really solid story anchored by a cast of really solid characters, with Sveinn in particular being the standout star. Seeing how his worldview is shaped by his interactions until eventually he reaches the point where he sacrifices his humanity...just outstanding work!

2 PT: Abiothales by Salt Pillar: Undoubtedly atmospheric, hauntingly human, a picture into the origins of the Clock Tower and a portrait of a being trying to find humanity through whatever means they can. It was such an utterly engaging story/character study that I'm still thinking about how much I loved it even days later. So rich and so arresting, amazing work!

3 PT: Cindy Queensford by zikari8: I mean, I literally gave my thoughts about her just a few lines up, but to reiterate, this entry had it all. Character, worldbuilding, emotion, exploration of themes, there's so much here that it's almost unfair, but sometimes that's just how it is. Absolutely stellar work!

But seriously, this whole contest was full of amazing works, as can be seen by my highlighting literally every other non-me entry for an Honorable Mention. Super glad to have been a part of this!

[Salt Pillar]

I do not have the energy for deep analysis, as I'm still sick, but just know... grrrrhhhHHHH absolute masterpieces everywhere

1 Point — Noe Crivelli by GilgameshKingofMemes

2 Points — Sveinn Herydir-Dragilaz by Random

3 Points — Mereidwyn by Bugs

[SleepMode]

Alright, after finally having to submit the points for this first competition:

3pts ~ Mereidwyn by Bugs
she's definitely the most "true to the Nasu spirit" out of the entries I've read so far -- a tragic little tale of the incompatible attempting to connect, the joy and the pain of it, and the bittersweet conclusion of this supposed infraction.
Even in her complete inhumanity and destructive impulse, she still given her all -- be it Gradavon's kingdom or the Clock Tower's students, those concerted effort to build and nurture is proof that her efforts had yielded fruit.

2pts ~ Brevig Gaiuslink Grottwader by pinetree
Him not being Lord Gaiuslink proper was a surprise, but given his role it all the more makes sense. A past fall from personal hubris in his flight -- that wretched element of lingering humanity marking him a pariah in magi society tickles a personal fancy of mine, heh. The focus on the modern Cryptozoology foundation for this Branch family upstart ended up playing the role of duplicitous parasite in a Faculty office focused on the truly Phantasmal.

1pts ~ Cindy Queensford by Zikari8
Only reason this was not as high score-wise is the atmosphere of the previous two winning out, and a personal preference for the succinct. But make no mistake: this is the most in-depth sheet of the competition so far -- with not just the current Queensford in question, but the storied history of her family from exile to re-entry. A exhaustive piece of the world in its entirety.

Honorable Mentions:

Noe Crivelli by GilgameshKingofMemes

Abiothales by Salt Pillar

[Spartacus]

Although I'm unable to enter the contest because of my innability to write something with prompts (not just CaM, but also CaS), I want to show my supports and interests to the revived CaM Contest by reading and voting the entries.


1 Pt Brevig Gaiuslink Grottwader by pinetree:
This has everything I want from reading a Magus Sheet. To understand his personality, his drive, his ability and his place in TMverse. After reading this, I have a nice image who Brevig is and what he can do with his magic foundation. It's an all around solid Sheet that has no negative point, and very high on the positive point. Very well done.

2 Pts Mereidwyn by Bugs:
Atmospheric writing is something that I envy, and this Sheet done that extremely well. There is something about fighting between 'what you are' and 'what you want' that appeals a lot to me in Tsukihimeverse, and this evokes that feelings very well.

3 Pts Cindey Queensford by Zikari8:
This makes me grin reading this Sheet from the start to finish. The mood whiplash after reading all the somber entries is great, while keeping the monstrosity and crime against humanity behind this sunny place. It takes advantage of the already inhuman magi culture into something even more horrifying, managed to find the delicate balance between that horrifyingness while remains human, expands the world/setting provided by the prompt in an unexpected direction, interesting interpretation of the magical foundation, shows how much magi don't care about the culture behind their foundation itself, how all of this plays a role in her character as a dreamer and how well it ties with her Dreaming magecraft, and of course: Australia meme. it's a roller coaster and I love it.


Honorable Mentions:
SVEINN HERYDIR-DRAGILAZ by Random:
This will be in my top 3 because I like its narrative-focused approach and interesting dialogues between characters that slowly reveal what is this all about. However, I must confess I was never been a fan of 'click this to reveal more' Sheet, and it is actively ruins my enjoyment of reading this Sheet. I don't know when reading this will end, it's like reading a book without knowing how many pages it had, it makes me impatient and losing interest. But the biggest gripe I had is when I reached the end of the Sheet: I was hoping my journey be rewarded in form of an ellaborate explanation about his abilities, 'What kind of cool twist/take this Sheet had?' and it was not there...

Despite the criticism, the content is still great enough for it to be undeniably in my Top 4.

[Bugs]

3 points ~ Abiothales by Salt Pillar

Fascinating from beginning to end. Abiothales' existence as a cooperative project weaves perfectly with the vignettes from the other Lords, establishing that our understanding of Abiothales is in and of itself chimerical. Each character is so richly written in only so much space that it almost feels like cheating.

The concept of a Zoology head focusing on humanity's connection--or lack thereof--could have come across as arrogant, or even dismissive. The execution, simply put, assuages any and all of these potential fears.


2 points ~ Cidney Queensford by zikari8

I have not despised a fictional character with such passion in a long time. Good job.

In all seriousness, and without sounding snide, this is exactly the kind of quality I expect to come from Zikari at the last minute. The Barthomeloi exile being the family's impetus to become what it is rather than as a result of what they already were is something unique among the entries. I'm sure they never could have predicted the absolute disgrace poor Cidney and her family would fall to.

1 points ~ Fidelco Redolloc by Morg van Destro


This position was by far the most difficult choice for me, as all of my other considerations were of such similar great quality that choosing was exceptionally difficult. What drew me to the prompt in the first place (whether or not I engaged with it well enough is of course up to viewer discretion) was actually the second half, that being "someone ousted by the Barthomeloi." Redolloc, in my opinion, encapsulates this half of the prompt quite well.


Honorable Mentions go to the non-magi entries. It can absolutely be intimidating to submit something that doesn't fit expectations per any previous incarnation of the contest, and while I so desperately wanted to give either of these points to not discourage a more non-magi focused creativity, the competition was just too stiff this time around.

[PA270]

Honorable Mentions go to the non-magi entries. It can absolutely be intimidating to submit something that doesn't fit expectations per any previous incarnation of the contest, and while I so desperately wanted to give either of these points to not discourage a more non-magi focused creativity, the competition was just too stiff this time around.

As one of those non-Magi entries, I appreciate the thought! Honestly, I knew going into this that my entry was probably going to be eclipsed by the sheet creating icons, but to have users like you and Random acknowledge my work is more than enough! I'm just glad that my first contest entry, and first sheet period, was something that people enjoyed!

[You]

Tomorrow will be the last day for voting. I'll be announcing the winner the morning of the 1st.

[Ayr]

ah, this was really hard~

3: Mereidwyn by Bugs
2: Abiothales by Salt Pillar
1: Noe Crivelli by GKoM

Honourable Mentions: Brevig Gaiuslink Grottwader by Pinetree, Allerleirauh by PA270, Cidney Queensford by Zikari8, and ... my laptop just crashed while I was writing this, which was probably its way of telling me that this'll stop being an honourable mentions category if I just list every entry I liked. Great work all around.

[zikari8]

3 Points: Abiothales by Salt Pillar
2 Points: Mereidwyn by Bugs
1 Point: Noe Crivelli by Gilgamesh King of Memes

[pinetree]

Noe Crivelli: I love the idea of the Barthomeloi's influence over the Zoology departament coming from their hatred against non-humans. Their moves to ensure Chimera wouldn't head on that direction being what created the pressure for Noe's further transformation ties it all together. Great use of the faceclaim as well.

Sveinn Herydir-Dragilaz and everything else: Intriguing but underdeveloped, as you noticed yourself. To be honest, I wouldn't have read it until the end if it wasn't you, Random. I think limiting the scope for next time is the correct choice.

Fidelco Redolloc: Great stuff. The investigation and vignettes worked really well into creating a pleasant flow of mystery and exposition. The nature of his magecraft and of Beatrix is suitably mysterious and I love the casual reveal of his full name right after their situation is made clear. I glad you didnt just explain everything further at the end, it's better this way.

Cidney Queensford: While the magus herself is a nice character with meaningful characterization, I can't say I enjoyed the seeting you built around the family. The park doesn't seem like something from TM at all. With a magic beast zoo, what's the point of mystery? As for the family history and her mother, it all ended up feeling unecessarily fetishistic and crass (a magus breeding prison??) by the end. You had already painted a competent picture of who her mother was with the rest of the sheet and even the first excerpt, I did not need a scene of her joyfully sexually abusing her child and his girlfriend (I understand there was a warning, I'm still questioning the necessity of even writing that).

Cryptomorph Shipping: A very tight concept that would fit perfectly in a proper sheet. Regardless, I really liked it.


1 pt - Cryptomorph Shipping
2 pts - Noe Crivelli
3 pts - Fidelco Redolloc

[You]

3 pts - Cidney Queensford
2 pts - Noe Crivelli
1 pt -

Honorable Mentions: Fidelco Redolloc, Allerleirauh

Fidelco Redolloc: Centering the entry around the interviews was a creative way of presenting the character. I found that the abilities of the Fidelco fell flat, neither was there much explanation on how he was linked to Zoology. This was definitely more of a character study.

Allerleirauh: Enjoyed the attempt at synthesizing different elements. Not all the points landed and some felt gratuitous (Lio's brother?). The mechanics of the Mystic Code were solid, and I liked the Mystic Code being based on the princess becomes an animal motif in folklore.

Cryptomorph Shipping: Wished there was more development.

Sveinn Herydir-Dragilaz: I'm sure this was absolutely big brained. I did not understand a bit.

[Sunny]

3 points - Cidney:

Really creative, involved, and intricate world building and I think it did a very nice job setting up the cause for the exile before going off on its own thing with the passage of generations and telling a very nice tale of a beautiful revelation that’s gradually dragged back down to the earth by magus systems. The origin for the Yahoo Park name was genuinely touching which made where it got dragged all the more horrific, and it’s a very slow burn in a very uncomfortable but effective way. This was actually a very close tie for third place but this edged out for me as a memorable exploration of the prompt.

2 points - Mereidwyn:
This was actually my first place up until Zikari added more, since my one criticism of the original Cidney post was that it glossed over talking about her comparatively initially. The expanded portions cured that very effectively and just bridged the gap.

Which took a lot because I adored this sheet a lot, from the premise to the tie in with the chimera name to just the vibe and storybook feel of how she ended up there and how she fell. It felt very inevitable, but still surprising and reminded me a lot of Neil Gaiman short stories I am very fond of.

This was concentrated vibe for me and I wish I could give 3 points twice. Weh.

1 point - Sveinn:
This is a personal feeling on my part, but I’m not really a fan of the modern BL trend of collapses within collapses and formatting tricks and “aha, actually you missed a huge section because you did not play a point and click adventure game!” There are absolutely times where it adds to a sheet in a meaningful or novel way, but nowadays it feels like it is used all over just for the sake of using it, and in some cases it is actually a detriment to the sheet.

To give an example - and this is indeed a shining example - Sveinn’s sheet is borderline unreadable on my iPhone, which is where I do most of my forum browsing. I seriously had to try four times just to read it, by copying and pasting things into my discord browser. Huge portions of it protrude entirely offscreen, and reading it is a chore - not because of the prose, but because of formatting that adds nothing to the emotional impact of the writing.

The thing is that these tricks are not being deployed to heighten the way anything lands or to make anything in the writing punchier or heavier - it’s just crammed full of “look at me!” cosmetic flourishes that ironically made it harder for me to just look and read it versus simple spoilers.

If they aren’t deployed with technique and care, it just becomes showing off, and that can be a turn off or even backfire when it makes the actual content harder to parse. I actually liked the writing from what I can see and when I could read it in full it was an engaging narrative with some interesting concepts - but it’s not an appealing or even enjoyable sheet/profile, as a sheet or profile, so I can’t give it any more than 1.

Maybe that’s unfair of me, but I don’t think it was intended to be harder to read than my tax return so I feel that I need to take that execution into account as a score.

——

I also liked the concept of the Cryptomorph shipping a lot - I ended up wishing for more to chew on, but the concept was brilliant.

[PA270]

Allerleirauh: Enjoyed the attempt at synthesizing different elements. Not all the points landed and some felt gratuitous (Lio's brother?). The mechanics of the Mystic Code were solid, and I liked the Mystic Code being based on the princess becomes an animal motif in folklore.

Thank you for the kind words! To specifically address the Lio's brother element, that was me attempting to set up a potential story, while also justifying the fact that the images I planned to use were manga screencaptures that I had no idea how to edit the text out from. Plus, the idea of setting up an echo of Nrvnqsr Chaos vs. Shiki Tohno was part of what helped the idea take shape, so I felt like it was worth including. But I can totally see how it was an unnecessary addition. Your feedback is greatly appreciated, and I'll be sure to keep it in mind going forward!

[You]

Event Contestation Band​ = 9 possbilities

• Allerleirauh – Thousandfurs from PA270
• Noe Crivelli from GilgameshKingOfMemes = 7 QP
• Sveinn Herydir-Dragilaz from
  ◼◼◼◼◼◼◼◼

  Random
  = 4 QP
• Abiothales from Salt Pillar = 12 QP
• Cyrptomorph Shipping from FarewelltoMrA = 1 QP
• Fidelco Redolloc from Morg van Destro = 4 QP
• Brevig Gaiuslink Grottwader from pinetree = 4 QP
• Mereidwyn from Bugs = 15 QP
• Cidney Queensford from zikari8 = 18 QP

REPRESENTATIVE OF MYSTERY HAS BEEN DESIGNATED:




Cidney Queensford of Yahoo Park

THE DREAM MUST CONTINUE

[Random]

Wow, I was even further behind than I thought... So much for that being the best entry I've ever written, maybe I'll take it back to basics next round and write something without chapter breaks ^^;

Round of applause for everyone. I said it when I voted, but this has been a fantastic first round for our revival here. I've had a lot of fun, and I'm waiting with bated breath for the next one. Looking forward to seeing what you put together, Zikari.

[Bugs]

Wow, was not expecting nearly the amount of fondness for Mereidwyn as she ended up getting, thank you to everyone for voting for the little Monster Milf That Could.

Echoing Random here in that I think the only way I could have asked for a better first time coming back would be if everyone had the personal time to finish. I genuinely hope those who wanted to participate but couldn't make the deadline post what they have in regular Create-a-Mage or something. See you all next time, and congrats again to Zikari.

[DelRey]

fun contest. Cidney was a really fun entry, well deserved win. GG Zikari!