Create-A-Servant 2

[WhatShouldNotBe]

Never heard of this guy before. While sparse, the sheet isn't bad for a first try though some parts definitely need serious nerfing. Territory Creation (A) for being able to make a 'Fortress' is fair enough, but Battle Continuation and Army Tactics (I presume you meant Military?) definitely need to be lowered by one or two rankings at least.

In fact, going by the (admittedly brief) lore given I'm not really sure he should have Battle Continuation at all. That Skill is for heroes that kept up combat through severe injuries, not just in fighting for long periods of time as your description seems to imply. If you really want a Skill for that, I'd recommend making an original one rather then shoehorning an existing Skill that doesn't quite fit. (You could call it 'Unrelenting Spirit' or what have you)

Endurance- A for such a modern hero is also way overblown, though the rest of his stats are fairly reasonable. Still very high for a Caster but since he was a soldier in life and there already is a precedent for 'close-combat Casters' like Geronimo I'd say fair enough. I'd still maybe lower Luck by one rank as well, since while defending an apartment building from an entire army is a pretty impressive feat I wouldn't say it warrants an ability to 'defy fate' higher then Heracles or Arturia.

His NP isn't bad, a little generic with the wraith-summoning but the other aspects make it more interesting. The rank is obscene, though. There's simply no way an apartment building defended by some guy should be at the same level as a holy sword of the planet forged from all mankind's hopes and dreams. Lower it to B or C (with possible + modifiers) and we're set.

Apologies if this is a harsh welcome but without feedback there's no way anybody can get better. In any case, welcome to the forum WhatShouldNotBe!

No problem. Yeah, looking back, I may have been a bit overzealous with the A++ thing. Pretty much all of your criticism is well warranted. fixing it up now.

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FACECLAIM

True Name: Vasily Pavlov

Alignment: Lawful Good

Class: Caster[Suprise!]


Parameters:
Strength: E
Agility: E
Endurance: C
Mana: D
Luck: B
NP: A+
Class Skills:
Item Creation: D
Only capable of creating infantry weapons of war of the soviet union.
Territory Creation: A
In life, he was known for creating a fortress out of an ordinary apartment building.
Skills:
Defiance of an Army: B
He was known for holding against an army for days, resisting any attempt to bring his patch of land down.
This skill grants him a stream of mana the larger an opposing force is. The higher the number of individuals or constructs arrayed against him, the higher the mana gained will be. At this rank, a group of fifty enemies arrayed against him will produce him enough mana to sustain himself without need for a master. At 100+ enemies, it can be considered A+-ranked Independent Action, as long as battle against those 100+ enemies continues.
Military Tactics: B
He was able to use a small group of men to hold off the entire German Army, with extremely limited supplies and equipment.
Eye of the Mind[False]: A
He was able to intuit the correct method to hold off each wave of German attacks.
Bravery: C
He and his men fought for days, never even considering surrender.
NP: Pavlov’s House: A+
He turns a building into a fortress , summoning forth heroic spirits with E-ranked stats , the wraiths of his fellow soldiers who held the House with him. Any allies within the house gain the skills required to assist in the defence. It is able to resist almost any assault, as the equipment made by Pavlov becomes low-ranked Noble Phantasms within the walls of the fortress. These Phantasms range from E-B in rank. However, the most potent ability of this noble phantasm is it's ability to reduce the rank of Anti-Army Noble Phantasms used against it by two ranks, as it's legend has a strong Anti-Army connotation. The Fortress sustains itself on reduced mana for it's power, just as Pavlov created it originally with heavily reduced resources. It consumes mana as a C-ranked phantasm would.

Info

In life, Pavlov was a simple officer of a small group of Soviet soldiers sent to capture an apartment building, delaying the advance of the German army. Over the course of days, he and his men managed to turn it into a fortress that resisted any attack. Even when a brigade of Panzer tanks were sent to destroy the building, he and his men destroyed the tanks with clever use of anti-tank rifles and positioning.

He was made a Soviet Hero for his efforts, and died peacefully after the war.

[RoydGolden]

Yeah, most of the egregious issues have been fixed up now. Though I'd still lower Military Tactics and EOTM by one rank as well (especially the first, given B was Iskandar's rank). If you want you can raise up Bravery to compensate, given that's a fairly vague Skill in terms of lore (is he a genius military tactician like Iskandar? Of course not. Is he as brave as Heracles? That's a lot more up for grabs...)

[WhatShouldNotBe]

Yeah, most of the egregious issues have been fixed up now. Though I'd still lower Military Tactics and EOTM by one rank as well (especially the first, given B was Iskandar's rank). If you want you can raise up Bravery to compensate, given that's a fairly vague Skill in terms of lore (is he a genius military tactician like Iskandar? Of course not. Is he as brave as Heracles? That's a lot more up for grabs...)

I'll lower EOTM, but I'm thinking of keeping Military Tactics at that level, because it doesn't reflect his Strategic knowledge, but his Tactical. Iskandar may lead armies to victory, but give Pavlov ten men and he'll stop an army....

But I should probably clarify it in the sheet once I fix it up.

[Adlet]

True Name: Vasily Pavlov

I am all up for WWII figures as Servants, but there's a few things I want to ask. Why make up a new skill for defending a territory when we already have ''Demonic Defender of the State''? Also while I do understand that him defending a single building for such a long time is a pretty big deal, A+ rank seems like too much of a rank to give to a WWII Servant. Kind of the reason why I didn't really give A ranked NPs to either Stalin, Hitler or Mao in my own sheets unless they had some mythological weapon (Longinus in Hitler's case and the ape army myth in Stalin's), but well, your choice. Also Royd kinda said what I wanted to say about Military Tactics, but yeah. It's a fine sheet otherwise.

Btw wasn't his name Yakov Pavlov? I don't remember him having Vasily as his middle/name nickname, but I could be wrong.

Edit: Oh unrelated, but I forgot to ask. Do we know when the exact 100 years rule cut off is for modern Heroic Spirits? Is it 100 years before the start of 21st century as in 1900 or 100 years before start of FSN as in 1904?

[WhatShouldNotBe]

I am all up for WWII figures as Servants, but there's a few things I want to ask. Why make up a new skill for defending a territory when we already have ''Demonic Defender of the State''? Also while I do understand that him defending a single building for such a long time is a pretty big deal, A+ rank seems like too much of a rank to give to a WWII Servant. Kind of the reason why I didn't really give A ranked NPs to either Stalin, Hitler or Mao in my own sheets unless they had some mythological weapon (Longinus in Hitler's case and the ape army myth in Stalin's), but well, your choice. Also Royd kinda said what I wanted to say about Military Tactics, but yeah. It's a fine sheet otherwise.

Btw wasn't his name Yakov Pavlov? I don't remember him having Vasily as his middle/name nickname, but I could be wrong.

Edit: Oh unrelated, but I forgot to ask. Do we know when the exact 100 years rule cut off is for modern Heroic Spirits? Is it 100 years before the start of 21st century as in 1900 or 100 years before start of FSN as in 1904?

Demonic Defender of the State is kinda..... out of character. Vasily/Yakov doesn't really have that reputation of 'being harsh in defense of his country', plus the extra stats wouldn't help him since he relies on his firearms. His A+ rank is mainly because his legend is more.... legendary, for a lack of a better term, than Hitler's and Stalin's. His legend is straight "Man defends Single Apartment, and Germans are totally jelly". Hitler and Stalin weren't known for any direct acts of heroism.
I think it's Vasily as his middle name, thought I may be wrong. Checking turns up Yakov, so it's probably my bad.

I tend to just disregard the '100 years cut-off'. Heroism in any age should be part of the Throne of Heroes in my opinion.

[Adlet]

Demonic Defender of the State is kinda..... out of character. Vasily/Yakov doesn't really have that reputation of 'being harsh in defense of his country', plus the extra stats wouldn't help him since he relies on his firearms. His A+ rank is mainly because his legend is more.... legendary, for a lack of a better term, than Hitler's and Stalin's. His legend is straight "Man defends Single Apartment, and Germans are totally jelly". Hitler and Stalin weren't known for any direct acts of heroism.
I think it's Vasily as his middle name, thought I may be wrong. Checking turns up Yakov, so it's probably my bad.

Being harsh doesn't necessarily mean Vlad level of harsh since the guy has an EX rank in the skill which is exceptional, but I get the line of thought you were going with so I won't really push the Defender skill. Was just curious as to why you didn't use it, that's all. NP point is eh, not necessarily untrue either. It passed my mind at the time but Mata Hari does have a high rank in NP too despite being almost WWII level modern so I suppose it's fine. I just don't like taking her example and making WWII NPs too high ranked, but that's a matter of taste.

I tend to just disregard the '100 years cut-off'. Heroism in any age should be part of the Throne of Heroes in my opinion.

Well I do get that. Otherwise you wouldn't have made a Yakov sheet considering he's way past the cut off no matter what way we interpret it, but I don't really like disregarding the canon and the 100 years cut off rule is a good rule to have so we don't get something like Trump and Clinton Servants in which case we'd get chuuni Nasu 2016 elections.

[WhatShouldNotBe]

Being harsh doesn't necessarily mean Vlad level of harsh since the guy has an EX rank in the skill which is exceptional, but I get the line of thought you were going with so I won't really push the Defender skill. Was just curious as to why you didn't use it, that's all. NP point is eh, not necessarily untrue either. It passed my mind at the time but Mata Hari does have a high rank in NP too despite being almost WWII level modern so I suppose it's fine. I just don't like taking her example and making WWII NPs too high ranked, but that's a matter of taste.



Well I do get that. Otherwise you wouldn't have made a Yakov sheet considering he's way past the cut off no matter what way we interpret it, but I don't really like disregarding the canon and the 100 years cut off rule is a good rule to have so we don't get something like Trump and Clinton Servants in which case we'd get chuuni Nasu 2016 elections.

Ah, yes, FGO. Making Servant-Sheet makers tear out their hair in frustration since it's inception. XD

Yeah, I do think that servants that are alive right now and/or alive within the past thirty years or so shouldn't be allowed. That way lies madness.

[Constructman]

Brutus: Given that pretty much his whole legend consisted of wandering from place to place, couldn't a higher rank in Independent Action be appropriate?

Also, his NP is kind of generic. Other then the curse aspect, there isn't really anything that ties in to Brutus' legend particularly or sets it apart from other magical bows. I'd recommend either coming up with a more interesting effect or giving him a secondary NP for extra flavor. (Something to do with his founding of Britain?)

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Also, in his Journey Of Flowers Skill (which I liked quite a bit BTW), the description for some reason refers to 'she' instead of he. An artifact of a later disgarded genderbend?

Huh. He didn't strike me as particularly rebellious, but maybe I'm conflating Independent Action with Nature of a Rebellious Spirit. And didn't he take a lot of people with him? Not exactly independent?

I... have no idea how to fix this. I was at a total loss. So I just settled for "The moment you draw this bow, somebody you love is screwed". Not sure how to make a second, unique NP.

No, it was taken from Saber Lily's GO Mats entry.

@Brutus: I actually did a Brutus of Troy sheet not too long ago! It's pretty interesting to compare our two interpretation, particularly in regard of what skills whe gave him. I agree with Royd that he could use another NP. Maybe something based on the Brutus stone like mine?

Oh, you did? Must not have seen it before. It is quite different. Was originally going to do Cadwaladr instead, but I got stuck because there's not a whole lot of "cool" stuff that could be worked in... Didn't know about the Brutus Stone; will check it out.

[WhatShouldNotBe]

Hold on, how are Servants from the Future viewed in here? Are they basically Modern Servants, or otherwise?

[Constructman]

Hold on, how are Servants from the Future viewed in here? Are they basically Modern Servants, or otherwise?

I guess if they're referenced in past literature, it's alright. I made a Kalki (Hindu "Messiah" and Tenth Avatar of Vishnu) sheet that was basically Genji from Overwatch with a motorcycle and nobody complained.

[Gallereon]

This time I tried to pull a little twist on this legend, however, I might do a more normal one later in the future.
Again, all help and criticism are appreciated.
(this sheet made me realize how much I suck at naming Noble Phantasms)

Servant Saber

Parameters

True Name: "The Fog King" (King Sebastian I of Portugal)
Class: Saber
Other Classes: Lancer, Rider, Berserker
Gender: Male
Alignment: Chaotic Good/Evil
Atribute: Man
Likes: Salvation, Saints, Crusades and Good Kings with great legends
Dislikes: Infidels, Women; Traitors and Opportunists

STH: B
END: C
AGI: A
MGK: C
LCK: B
NP: A+

Equipment:
When Saber is summoned, he will come with his personal horse (Saber can summon him at will, but he is just a spirit with no particular identity or power, outside of being "Saber´s horse", unlike Bucephalus) and a longsword with no special properties. Both him and his horse wear deep black armor. Moreover, his own battle abilities are mediocre to good at best, since he mostly lead his troops and rarely fought himself.

Class Skills:
Magic Resistance: (C++)
Cancel spells with a chant below two verses. Cannot defend against Magecraft on the level of High-Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals. Due to his legend, he has complete immunity to fog, water, wind and electric based magic.

Riding: (C)
One can flawlessly ride animals and vehicles that received a proper training and adjustment. In his case, he his mostly proficient with his horse.

Personal Skills:
Divinity: (E-)
Divinity is the measure of whether one has Divine Spirit aptitude or not. Due to the legend of "Desired King" is existence became linked with an idea of a divine being, making him gain a small amount of divinity. However, since this form is very different from the utopian king, his divinity has dropped sharply.

Innocent Monster: (A++)
Innocent Monster is an attribute possessed by Servants whose history and existence have been distorted by the monstrous reputations they accrued across the course of their life and thereafter. As a consequence, the Servant's abilities and appearance have been rendered to conform to the specifications of their legend. Incidentally, this personal skill cannot be removed.
His religious fanaticism has completely overwhelmed the "Desired King" side of Sebastian and completely crushed his former self. This effect was so powerful that it even affected is mental health and he is now driven by a desire to bring salvation to the infidels that are foolish enough not to listen to the word of God. By becoming a personification of salvation (Death), Saber´s figure is now always cloaked in a cloud of fog and within the fog lies only Saber´s skeleton remains, that constantly remind him of the man he once was.

Mana Burst (Fog): (B+)
Mana Burst (Fog) is a version of Mana Burst that infuses weapons and attacks with Magical Energy that imparts and spreads a thick fog around the enemies that reduces the effectiveness of senses related to vision, hearing and smell. Alternatively, Saber can absorve any fog around him to collect and store magical energy.

Protection of the Faith: (A+++)
Protection of the Faith is a Skill possessed only by those who have sacrificed themselves for a religious view. Despite being a form of divine protection, it is not a blessing from a higher existence. It is only the absoluteness of one's body and soul, which is born from faith. But if it is too high, it causes abnormalities in the personality.
As someone who dedicated all of their soul and body to the protection of his beliefs and wanted to personally lead a new wave of crusades against the infidels, Saber´s rank is the highest one can possible get in this skill. Unfortunately, this skill seems to have affected Saber even more than usual do to some outside effect and Saber has become completely unable to distinguish friends and allies from enemies, infidels and those that need “salvation” unless he passes a Luck check, this includes even people he knew and his own master.

Shapeshifting: (D+)
Shapeshifting refers to both borrowing bodies and appearance change.
By temporally changing into the form of one of the many impersonators (male only) that tried to pass off as Saber after his disappearance/death, Saber becomes perceived by other servants as a human, unless they have some skill or ability that allows them to see through lies and deceit. However, if he is discovered, this skill becomes unusable for the remainder of the war.

Np´s

NP:
Nevoeiro, O que Escondes? "The Sleeping King"
Rank: (B+) / Anti-Unit / Range: 1 - 25 / Max Targets: 20
The coming of the utopian king to those that so desperately desired him, within the fog lies the promised salvation for all those that truly deserved to be saved. The reveal of the promised "Sleeping King" true form (negates the cloak effect of Innocent Monster).
Creates and spreads a very dense fog within a medium sized area at a incredibly fast speed, a boundary field that complete seals off the opponent from any outside interference. Within this fog, normal humans start to suffocate in mere minutes and enemy servants stats start to drop randomly. Both Saber and is horse are able to become one with the mist, which makes them almost impossible to hit, and makes him able to travel and strike at incredible speeds, almost like he was teleporting and hitting them out of nowhere within the fog.
By concentrating all is strength and energy on a single target, Saber can hit them more than 100 time in a second,all from different positions, making it seem like Saber is attacking from 100 different positions at the same time. However, this doesn´t mean Saber can hit every single one of them perfectly and simultaneously and the cost its pretty expensive due to Saber´s low magical energy. Against more skilled and agile opponents, there is a good change a good amount of the strikes will miss or be defended.

Sebastião, O Desejado " Return of the Utopian King"
Rank: (A+) / Support / Range: Self / Max Targets: 1

The legend and death of the Desired King sublimated into a Noble Phantasm. This Noble Phantasm needs to be activated in a 4 day ritual prior to one´s death by establishing a specific connection to the land in order for the effect to resolve. The time required for the Ritual will diminish by one day every time its used, until it only requires a minimum of 1 day to be completed.
If the requirement has been fulfilled and Saber is killed, he can resurrect himself at full power using energy from the Grail and the contract with his master is completely recovered (including wasted command seals). Every time this happens, he will gain a B - ranked skill, except those specific to the body and skills related to specific heroes, at random.
(For example: Battle Continuation/ Independent Action/ Determination of Steel/ Golden Rule/ Instinct/ Bravery/ Protection from Arrows/ Monstrous Strength/ Etc)
However, if for whatever reason, Saber is ever forced to fight in a desert, all his skills and Noble Phantasms are sealed and all his stats are reduced to "E", a grim reminder of how the glory of the young King Sebastian ended.

Lore

King Sebastian of Portugal, one of Portugal´s most famous kings, know especially for the legends that rose around him after his death/disappearance in battle. As the penultimate Portuguese monarch from the House of Aviz, Sebastian is often called The Desire, as the Portuguese people longed for his return to end the decline of Portugal that began after his death.

Sebastian was born heir-apparent to the throne of Portugal, since his birth occurred two weeks after the death of his father. He succeeded to the throne at the age of three, on the death of King John III, his paternal grandfather. Sebastian was a bright and lively boy. Reports say he was fearless due to his great physical strength. Tall, slim, and blond, he was brought up by his grandmother Catherine, a domineering woman who exercised firm control over her grandson. Obedient as a child, he became obstinate and impulsive in later life.

The young king grew up under the guidance and heavy influence of the Jesuits and became extremely devout thanks to his upbringing.
Later in life, Sebastian strengthened Portugal´s military, passed various legal reforms very innovative for their time and strengthened ties with England, France and the Holy Roman Empire.

After attaining his majority in 1568, Sebastian dreamed of a great crusade against the kingdom of Morocco, where over the preceding generation several Portuguese way stations on the route to India had been lost.
Despite his lack of a son and heir, King Sebastian embarked on his crusade in 1578. The Portuguese army of 17,000 men, including a significant number of foreign mercenaries hired from the Holy Roman Empire, the Netherlands, Spain, and the Italian States, and almost all of the country's nobility, sailed at the beginning of June from Lisbon. They visited Cádiz, where they expected to find Spanish volunteers who failed to appear, then crossed into Morocco.

At Arzila, Sebastian joined his ally Abu Abdullah Mohammed II, who had around 6,000 Moorish soldiers and, against the advice of his commanders, marched into the interior. At the Battle of Alcácer Quibir (Battle of the Three Kings), the Portuguese army was routed by Abd Al-Malik at the head of more than 60,000 men. It is said that when he was asked to surrender, Sebastian said that "Royal liberty can only be lost with one´s death" (rough translation), before charging along with his men into the enemies line.

After the defeat at Alcácer Quibir, many efforts were made to ransom imprisoned Portuguese soldiers. Several soldiers returned to Portugal, which led many Portuguese to believe Sebastian had survived the battle and would return to claim his throne. This led to Sebastianism: the belief that Sebastian could return at any moment.
Politically, there was a belief that Philip was not the rightful heir to the throne. Subsequently, men appeared in Portugal who fraudulently claimed to be the king.
In the long term, many myths and legends about Sebastian appeared, the principal one being that he was a great Portuguese patriot, the "sleeping king" who would return to help Portugal in its darkest hour (similar to the British King Arthur, the German Frederick Barbarossa or the Byzantine Constantine XI Palaeologus).
He came to be known by symbolic names: O Encoberto (The Hidden One) who would return on a foggy morning to save Portugal, or as O Desejado (The Desired One).

Personality

This Sebastian is a shadow of man he once was, representing the ideal of the Fog King that would one day return to bring salvation in Portugal´s darkest hour, more than the historical person. This Sebastian represent both the utopian king he never manage to become and the crusader and religious lunatic many feared him to be.

His personality is at first glance that of a crazy person, surrounded by a mysterious mist, that wants to spread a so-called "salvation", however, deep inside, Sebastian wants nothing more than to realize all the dreams and ideals that were place upon him and legitimately believes that by realizing his people´s greatest wish (salvation in their time of need) he can finally live up to his reputation and save not only his people, but all those that need salvation, through he seems unable to understand the damage this so-called salvation will cause.
One thing that hasn´t changed is his devotion to his faith and his hatred of infidels, which seem to have replaced most of his reason. Even through he has the bearing of a knight and king, the fog that surrounds him brings nothing but bad omens to all around him.
Through he tries not to show even he knows he can hardly be called a King or a Hero, and that his current form is grotesque and obscene to the eye.

Through he can be very dangerous even to allies, if one manages to gain his trust and talk to him normally, its possible to understand that, deep inside, Sebastian is still the outgoing and impulsive young man that rarely follows any advice's he his given, like he was once upon a time.
He also wouldn´t mind finding a woman that truly values him as a person, unlike all those other ones that tried to marry him, only to abuse his reputation and status. Unfortunately, he seems to have lost his good looks, so I guess that will have to wait. If he his caught in a good mood, he may even begin to talk with bright eyes about his past life and the Portuguese heroes he wishes to meet.

His wish is to bring "salvation" to all of humanity and finally realize his promise has the "Sleeping King", not only to his people, but to all those that need a savior... or at the very least he think that was his wish. The shadow of the Fog King weighs heavily on Sebastian and he has difficulty remembering what his original wish was... Did he even have a original wish?

Tactics

Through Saber is not in any way a heavy hitter, there´s a possibility he can even battle the strongest servants in any war, if he dies enough times.

After gaining his trust, which may be difficult, one should immediately begin to prepare the ritual for activating his "Sebastião, O Desejado" Noble Phantasm and be extremely careful when battling any servants before the ritual his completed. During this period, its recommended that Rider hides his form using his "Shapeshifting" skill and using it to collect information and clues.

After the ritual is completed, Saber should be sent on a suicide mission with the objective of inflicting as much damage as possible before dying. Then after resurrecting, this process begins anew.

Since, after a couple of deaths, Saber becomes ever increasingly difficult to defeat, one of the best ways to deal with him is to take care of the master, but even that may be difficult due to the possibility of him gaining the "Independent Action" skill.

[NMR-3]

So. About those Servant TRUMP sheets...

[Bird of Hermes]

And so the floodgates have opened

[Gallereon]

Personally, I cant wait for servant Trump with a Noble Phantasm that allows him so create A++ Fortresses (through Territory Creation) and make other servant pay the mana cost for him.

In other news, any opinions on my sheet?

[Historia]

Trump sheets would have to go in Modern Servants. I suppose "from the future" ones, too. Since, well,

[Alexcoene]

Trump sheets would have to go in Modern Servants.

Except the name of the other thread specify Modern Fiction Servants and as far as I know, Trump is a real person.

[Adlet]

So. About those Servant TRUMP sheets...

Counter Guardian Trump in FGO when?

[Bird of Hermes]

Never hopefully

[Historia]

Trump is a real person.

No he's not.

[WhatShouldNotBe]

Eh, screw it. I'm gonna make an OP-ass Future Servant based on weird conceptual Root/Gaia/Alaya shenanigans.