Create-A-Servant 3

[pinetree]

Hey Random, you should use COLLAPSE3 instead of COLLAPSE for the sections. On mobile it's pretty annoying to accidentaly close the sections when scrolling.

[Random]

It hadn't even occurred to me that people might be reading on mobile! The logic behind closable tags was making it easy to focus on specific sections, but I probably should have had more faith in people in hindsight.

I have remedied the issue by destroying the entire smartphone market. Also by changing the collapse tags, I guess.

[TQG Imaginatorious]

My first reaction is oh my god, that NP is broken even more so since the outrageous mana cost won't be weakness anymore since her master is fucking Keystone. My second reaction was thinking how terrifying Keystone's Animapsyche and Siegerstein working together would be. Finally, is she going to make her master a metal body later in the story?

[WhiteFrenzy]

Maaaaan. Just take this crown will ya, Random.
This sheet is so full of drip. Your formatting game in on point.
And then on top of that it's also amazing? Actually well-written and crazy good? Not fair.

[Random]

My first reaction is oh my god, that NP is broken even more so since the outrageous mana cost won't be weakness anymore since her master is fucking Keystone. My second reaction was thinking how terrifying Keystone's Animapsyche and Siegerstein working together would be. Finally, is she going to make her master a metal body later in the story?

Haha, you're starting to see the Matrix >:D

Yeah, False Saber and Key are both absolute cheat characters on their own, and any semblance of game balance just kinda ceases to exist while they're on the same team. But as you'll probably see over the coming days, being ungodly overpowered is never in short supply during a Fuyuki Grail War.

But for now, I will keep my cards close to my chest. Please wait warmly for True Saber tomorrow!

Maaaaan. Just take this crown will ya, Random.
This sheet is so full of drip. Your formatting game in on point.
And then on top of that it's also amazing? Actually well-written and crazy good? Not fair.

WF, I swear, your praise is always so direct it's hard to know what to even say...! I've thought for a long time about this cast so I appreciate it!

By the way, tomorrow's Servant will probably be your favourite of the batch, for *checks notes* Personal WF Reasons™.

[Comun]

I haven't seen her interact with Keystine yet and I'm already loving their synergy.

[pinetree]

False Saber: Very interesting character. I really enjoyed how unique she feels simply because of how many defining characteristics you gave her. The wheelchair, the blade wings, the mystic eyes — even the beautiful FC choice — all make for a very memorable Servant.
That said, the sheet itself is pretty barebones. Her skills are very par for the course and do very little to characterize her, leaving all the heavy work to the personality section. Even mechanically, I feel like it could've been way more interesting. Why isn't the Siegerstein a skill, for example? One of the Avenger class skills (as a personal skill for her) would have also been very flavorful and even mechanically relevant depending on which one.
It's just weird that most of what is memorable about her design is isolated in the keywords or briefly touched upon amid the lore, rather than being the core of the sheet.

[jishara]

Wilhemina

Johanna
Source: Sparkle on Pinterest (Wilhemina) YoYo on Instagram (Johanna)

Class: Caster
Other Classes: Berserker (If Wilhemina is dominant)
True Name: Johanna Van Gogh-Bonger and Wilhemina Van Gogh
Alignment: Lawful Neutral
Place of Origin: Netherlands (19th century)

Parameters:

STR: D
END: C
AGI: D
MGI: D
LCK: B
NP: B

Height: 170 cm (Johanna)/160 cm (Wilhemina)
Weight: 150 lb (Johanna)/140 lb (Wilhemina)
Likes: Each other, art
Dislikes: Cruelty
Talent: Spreading art (Johanna)/depression (Wilhemina)
Natural Enemy: Vincent Van Gogh/Clytie
Attribute: Man
Traits: Female, Duo, Weak to Enuma Elish
Armament: A chair leg and a letter
Catalyst: One of the letters translated by Johanna Van Gogh, the chair Wilhemina Van Gogh sat in

Class Skills:
Item Creation C: Although they aren't powerful maguses, they are able to pull out objects associated with medicine or writing through creating them.
Territory Creation B: At this rank, creation of a Workshop is possible. The two are perfectly capable enough to produce a workshop.

Personal Skills:
Polylinguistic B: A skill evolved from Johanna's status as a translator. She is capable of speaking all human languages fairly fluently. If she attempts to, she may even be able to speak nonhuman languages such as Divine Words. If she manages to do that, that grants her a temporary High-Speed Divine Words at rank D, allowing her to pretend to be an Age Of The Gods magus for a while.
Combination A: Denotes the close bond between the two, such that they are able to be summoned as a single heroic spirit. The duo are far more capable of working in sync, almost instinctively knowing whatever the other is planning on doing.
Noble Phantasm(s):

Depression
Alone On A Chair

Type: Anti-Unit (Self)
Rank: D
Range: 0m
Max Targets: 1

This noble phantasm passively manifests in Wilhemina as a set of blocks and boosts. It prevents her from talking aloud, although even without talking, she can be understood by Johanna and her master. It also reduces her agility parameter by one. However, it makes her immune to mental debuffs below the rank of B and all debuffs below the rank of C. Lastly, it treats her as if she was under a constant depression. It is the sublimation of the depressive state which Wilhemina was stuck in for 40 years.

His Writing
My Eternal Project

Type: Anti-Army
Rank: D
Range: 100m
Max Targets: 300

This noble phantasm allows Johanna to convey strong negative emotions, spreading them to her targets. However, she needs to be getting these negative emotions from someone within 20 meters, who is not her. Hense, this is the perfect ally to Wilhemina as she can spread the depression to all her enemies. When the two are used in sync, they also rank up to B rank.

Lore: Johanna van Gogh-Bonger and Wilhemina Jacoba Van Gogh were two women most well-known for being the sister-in-law and sister, respectively, of Vincent Van Gogh. Johanna was a dutch editor and translator, and Wilhemina was a nurse and feminist. However, Wilhemina was struck by severe depression, and 12 years after Vincent died, she was diagnosed with Dementia Praecox and interned. SHe would remain interned for the remainder of her life.

Personality: Johanna is bright, peppy, and upbeat. She is always willing to do anything she can to help out her friends. Wilhemina is more somber, constantly grieving her family. The two of them absolutely adore art, especially Vincent van Gogh's paintings, and will stop whatever they are doing to review them. Their wish is that Wilhemina never got Dementia. Then, they believe, they would have made the perfect team.

Relationships:
Clytie: "Brother? No, it isn't you. How dare you? How dare you take on his guise? How could you do that?" "...!!!!?!!!!!"
Leonardo Da Vinci: "Ooh, Ms. Da Vinci! I really adore your paintings." "..." "I love the emotion you convey."
Hokusai: "What has happened to you? I can tell you are a great painter, but you feel similar to that false Brother." "!!!!!!"

[pinetree]

Wilhemina and Johanna: Honestly jishara, I don't like them. They're extremely simple and nothing in the sheet convinced me these figures are worthy of being Servants. I wrote a longer comment but it was very harsh so I decided not to post it right now, I can post it if you actually want to read it.

[jishara]

Ah ok. Thank you for your comment.

[Kamera]

yeah, there's definitely no need to be in such a rush and pump out these many sheets so rapidly. cool down and put some more thoughts into them.

[jishara]

yeah, there's definitely no need to be in such a rush and pump out these many sheets so rapidly. cool down and put some more thoughts into them.

Ah ok, thanks.

[NINE-lives]

I wonder if anyone has ever done a sheet around the biblically accurate angels meme. That feels like a great chance for eldritch horror and even some humour. The only thing I know that references it is pinetree’s Mary sheet.

[DelRey]

i can only mirror the sentiments on False Saber. It is really well done and I like her. Cant wait to see more of your project. But her skills itself feel bland. Perhaps Nature of Rebellious Spirit or simply a false mystic eyes skill. That seems too important to not add into a sheet.

[Random]

False Saber: Very interesting character. I really enjoyed how unique she feels simply because of how many defining characteristics you gave her. The wheelchair, the blade wings, the mystic eyes — even the beautiful FC choice — all make for a very memorable Servant.
That said, the sheet itself is pretty barebones. Her skills are very par for the course and do very little to characterize her, leaving all the heavy work to the personality section. Even mechanically, I feel like it could've been way more interesting. Why isn't the Siegerstein a skill, for example? One of the Avenger class skills (as a personal skill for her) would have also been very flavorful and even mechanically relevant depending on which one.
It's just weird that most of what is memorable about her design is isolated in the keywords or briefly touched upon amid the lore, rather than being the core of the sheet.

i can only mirror the sentiments on False Saber. It is really well done and I like her. Cant wait to see more of your project. But her skills itself feel bland. Perhaps Nature of Rebellious Spirit or simply a false mystic eyes skill. That seems too important to not add into a sheet.

I'm really happy she's hitting the beats I want her to! Hoping I can keep this momentum up with the other seven. True Saber is coming in about eight hours, and as the "mascot Servant" of the story they're pretty meaty.

The barebones skills and stuff were sort of on purpose; partly to illustrate just how nuts her NP can be in the right hands, partly to indicate her as being basically a plot device in 90% of cases that she's name-dropped, and partly as an illustration of the Master who deliberately summoned her like this. "Tip of the iceberg" was really the theme I had on the brain, but I might make some edits if everyone is saying the same thing. This is basically the last chance to make it the best possible version before we start the story, so I'll think on if there's some stuff I can give her to reflect her personality in the build itself.

[Skull]

Genuinely surprised that Völundr doesn't have the fjaðrhamr on all the time - like, I get that you mentioned it within the scope of her NP that she could remake it, but it feels weird to see her without it on. Seeing as Weak Constitution is basically a filler Skill you could have replaced it with something like "Flight" (with a better name obviously) caused by the wearing of the fjaðrhamr that eases the limitation of having to get around in a wheelchair.
Just my two cents.

[DelRey]

I actually like the WC skill here. Usually it is used to tell us detrimental effects of other skills or for some sickly people. Here it is a core aspect of her and a unique one at that.
That they were supposed to feel bland in comparison to her bonkers NP is something I get. I jus' wanna kno what dem eyez do.

[Kamera]

I guess one thing I can nitpick about that Volundr is that the NP itself feels like it should've been a Skill. Take some notes from Muramasa -- his Skill involve things that explains how he can forge all these swords, and his NP is the ideal weapon that he dreams of forging, not just something he had already made or can potentially create normally.

[HumanComplex]

I agree with Kamera. The NP itself, while absolutely insane and a great one at that, just doesn't have the

Bullshitting

logical reasoning

that makes an NP fun and unique, yours was pretty much a statement of "he can forge stonk swordz" without focusing on the forging itself. It's a big omission from one of the greatest smiths of all time, and it's something you could've easily tie in with her personality. I'll give a proper review later after I finish my schoolwork, but so far, it's looking really good.

(Also I can't help but note that the lynchpin part of the NP is pretty similar to my own Fu Hao's, though the effect itself is pretty different. This time, I swear I'll upload it this afternoon, I'll permit you guys to yell at me if I don't.)

[pinetree]

The summoning circle is prepared, and so are you. Moments before the decisive ritual, you take a deep breath.

I announce.
Thy body shall be under my command, my fate shall be determined by thy sword.
Follow the call of the Holy Grail. If thou wouldst obey this mind and this reason, then answer my call.
Make an oath here.
I am the one who shall become the virtue of all afterworld.
I am the one who shall lay out the evil of all afterworld.
Thou art Seven Heavens clad in the Three Great Words.
Emerge from the ring of control, guardian of balance…!

Lightning sparks run through the ground, light rings shine around you and the fifith element fills the room... and yet, no Servant manifests. You are puzzled and disappointed, but it only lasts a moment.
Suddenly, the air in front of you deforms, as if reality was made of glass and someone was melting it. A glowing substance, hot enough to be magma but liquid enough to resemble water, pours out from the newly made hole in reality.
Only then you realize that your Servant has been summoned. You can already feel his parameters in the corner of your mind, and it only takes a moment of concentration to 'see' it properly.
And yet, what you see is a confusion that can only be described as a string of errors.

█████████ ██████ established. █████████ ██████ rejected. attempt at spirit origin modification successful. ████████ ███████ correction activated. spirit origin normalized. █████████ ██████ established. █████████ ██████ rejected. attempt at spirit origin modification successful. ████████ ███████ correction activated. spirit origin normalized. █████████ ██████ established. █████████ ██████ rejected. attempt at spirit origin modification successful. ████████ ███████ correction activated. spirit origin normalized. █████████ ██████ established. █████████ ██████ rejected. attempt at spirit origin modification successful. ████████ ███████ correction activated. spirit origin normalized. █████████ ██████ established. █████████ ██████ rejected. attempt at spirit origin modification successful. ████████ ███████ correction activated. spirit origin normalized. █████████ ██████ established. █████████ ██████ rejected. attempt at spirit origin modification successful. ████████ ███████ correction activated. spirit origin normalized. █████████ ██████ established. █████████ ██████ rejected. attempt at spirit origin modification successful. ████████ ███████ correction activated. spirit origin normalized. █████████ ██████ established. █████████ ██████ rejected. attempt at spirit origin modification successful. ████████ ███████ correction activ———

"TAKE IT."

His voice bring you back to reality. The hole from which the searing liquid pours is now much bigger, it cascades out, spreading and burning everything in its path. Beyond the distortion, a being completely submerged in the boiling substance extends their hand towards you.

"PULL ME OUT!"

The room gets hotter by the second, you did cast a protective spell on yourself as soon as the fire started spreading, but it seems that won't be enough to hold off the boiling liquid that continously pours out. If you try to pull out the Servant, your arm will surely be scarred for life, if it even continues working.

"BEFORE THE SUMMON IS COMPLETE! MOVE!"

You don't have much of a choice. If you want to survive, you'll need him. So... your hand plunges into the melting pot beyond the rift and the its contents sear through your skin, digging deep burn scars into your flesh as you struggle to reach the Servant. The man screams in turn, as much as — no — louder than you could ever scream. The agony in his voice is one born out of someone trying to crawl out of their own flesh, out of the role Alaya has given them.

Finally, the Servant seems to gather enough strength to truly reach out. His body burns, but it's not just the boiling oil anymore, the world itself seems to reject his decision. It's a rebelling against all rules. Against his own class — his own legend. Against human society itself, though it never accepted him in the first place. He stretches his incanscent arm through the gap and then...!

At last, you meet your A̵̼͋͑s̸̮̗̀̈s̶͚̊̿ą̴̰͗s̴͎͚̃s̴̟̞̈̈́ȉ̵̡n̷͈̉.
"No, here comes AVENGER!"

Gorokizu, the bandit The rule-breaking beast denies his own legend.

Aliases: Ishikawa Goemon. Height: 193 cm Likes: Afternoon naps. Dislikes: Cities. Attribute: Human. Alignment: Neutral Evil. Origin: Japan, folklore. Natural Enemy: Ishikawa Goemon.

STR B END A+ AGI C MGI E LUC E NP C

Avenger’s true name is Ishikawa Goemon, the archetypical ninja who dared defy Toyotomi Hideyoshi for the sake of Japan's citizens. A gentleman thief, master of the Iga ninjutsu, that stole from the rich to give to the poor. Despite the numerous legends surrounding his deeds and his abilities, his execution at the hands of the damiyo is still the most famous part of his legend.
After being caught by the emperor himself, Goemon was sentenced to death alongside his son by being boiled alive in an iron cauldron. Waist deep in the boiling oil, Goemon did the unthinkable: he plunged his own son to the bottom of the cauldron to kill him as quickly as possible and prevent his suffering... No, he held his son above his head for an absurd amount of time, until the emperor finally forgave the boy and allowed the onlookers to save him... No, the boy recieved no mercy or relief, and died a painful death alongside his father.... No. No! You did this to me! This world, these people!

Character

The truth is that Goemon should have never been summoned as an Avenger. As time went on, the “heroic outlaw” aspects of his legends were embellished and added upon, resulting in him becoming one of the most iconic ninjas in history. However, those are all additions crafted by those who never knew the man, born out of stories that were transformed by time and culture. As an innocent monster incapable of becoming anything but an Assassin, he would never have even known of his own true life, instead becoming the elegant ninja in full.
But no system can contain this beast. You gave him your hand and managed to summon Avenger Gorokizu, a Servant that should never have been. This class is not the symbol of hatred against Hideyoshi for his crimes against his people and the atrocities he committed against Goemon’s family and clan. No, those feelings are much more aligned with Assassin Goemon.
This is the man who rebels against the Servant system itself, hating the world and society who twisted his life and clouded his memories, he strives to untie himself from the corrective chain of Alaya and escape the cycle of the Human Order.

It's not surprising. That is how he has always acted, even in life. He inhabited the villages and woods around Kyoto and only ever entered the big city for the sake of his heists. A misanthrope to the core, Gorokiri never managed to make the concessions necessary for humans to live in a community. His actions, his desires, his necessities... he wanted to fulfill all of them at his leisure, through whatever means he desired, without caring about the consequences brought by inconviniencing others. More beast than man in the eyes of even his subordiantes, he only became a bandit leader for the sake of maintaining the lifestyle he desired. Ordering his goons around and interacting with the townspeople through robery were the only concessions he was ever willing to make.

"A gentleman? A Robin Hood? I killed my wife as soon as I noticed she was going to delay mine and my son's escape from Iga. I threw stolen goods around so pursuers would be busy beating the townspeople away from it instead of running after me.
You wanna call me a hero for that? Be my guest, I can't say I agree though."

Nevertheless, these actions saved people. Him, his son and his men escaped every time, and his gang grew larger, as those opressed by the government came to join them in the boundaries of society More prosperous too, as they succeeded in riskier and more rewarding jobs.
Eventually though, this growth lead to their downfall. They were posing as merchants in Kyoto when captured members of his gang revealed his indetity. With his name revealed to the imperial forces, he'd never have a moment's rest again.
His next course of action was logical then. If the damiyo wanted him dead, he only needed to kill him first.

So we reach the well-known end of Ishikawa Goemon. A failed assassination attempt followed by a gruesome execution. The core of his legend, and also the reason for his current wish.

"I don't know what happened to my son. Did I end Gobei's suffering? Did I fail to do even that? Or was he spared while only I boiled? I need to know. I have to. If the World stands in my way, then fuck it, I'll take care of it too."



Class Skills

Avenger EX.

As ones that gathers people's hatreds and grudges onto oneself, Avengers find it easy to accumulate the hatred and resentment that fuel their existence, increasing the rate of magical energy regeneration when receiving damage.

Never caring for others beyond their use to him. Never giving in or compromising. Just by interacting with others, he displays how at odds he is with living in an organized community, making one question how he even managed to tolerate his own gang, despite being its leader.


Oblivion Correction —.

"Sealed? Shit. I knew it was never going to be this easy."


Self-Replenishment (Mana) A+.

One's magical energy endlessly surges until their revenge is accomplished.

Intent on shedding the chains of human perception from his soul, the thought of giving up or stopping are completely absent from Gorokizu's mind. He'll remember the entiriety of his life, unclouded. He'll know the fate of his son, undoubtedly.
No matter whoever or whatever he has to destroy in his way, his relentless determination is not to be triffled with.



Personal Skills

Innocent Monster ?.

An attribute possessed by Servants whose true history and existence have been distorted by the reputations and gossips they accrued over the course of their life and thereafter. More akin to a curse than to a skill, this cannot be removed.

Even if his unbelievable willpower has allowed him this unusual summon, he still cannot lose this curse completely. Even now, it continues to try and twist his abilities and memories into the appropriate image of Ishikawa Goemon. Changing his name, his fighting-style and even his appearance are purposeful strategies Gorokizu is employing to prevent the curse from doing more than the most minor of modifications.


Ninjutsu A-.

A general term for the secret intelligence, combat, larceny and torture techiniques employed by ninjas. Its system differs between each school. In Avenger's case, he's proficient in the Iga school of Ninjutsu.

A useless skill that can barely reach the heights it should normally be able to. Even though it provides an array of useful abilities, Gorokizu categorically refuses to utilize any of them, and has instead turned to rely on only his strength and savagery during battles. One could attempt to use a Command Spell to force him to utilize these techniques, but defying the willpower of someone who was able to break through the Servant system with pure determination doesn't seem too wise.


Mana Burst (Oil) C.

An increase in performance caused by infusing oneself or one's weapons with magical energy and instantly expelling it. In this case, the magical energy takes on a boiling oil effect.

A side-effect of his Noble Phantasm, allowing him to utilize the scorching oil offensively. It's not as versatile as other Mana Burst skills due to shaping the energy as liquid, making it very hard for it to be used defensively, and even threatening to hurt the user itself due to his lack of immunity against the burns it causes.
Gorokizu's fighting style is messy. Hot oil splashes all around, hurting him and anyone else close, while he attacks relentlessly with his weapons. An opponent that assumes he is full of openings would be correct — but taking advantage of them is a bad choice anyhow. Avenger will simple ignore the damage cause by other attacks and continue his own barrage, like a hungry beast blinded by adrenaline.


Delusion Trigger E+.

A skill granted to those who possess abnormaly warped views of the world around them, allowing their delusions to bleed into reality and affect their surroundings.

"Only my needs matter", "I shouldn't suffer consequences", "Fuck other people", etc. A series of beliefs held by Gorokizu that prevent him from partipating in regular human society. Avenger sees himself and his fellow thieves as a beasts rather than a men, and is constantly baffled by how willing others are to put concepts such as social norms and the need of the many above their own desires.
Misanthropy on a dangerous level, but that still allowed him to be successful in his time. It seems the rank was higher in his youth, but that having to live with his subordiates and his son diminished the effect of these beliefs somewhat.

Curiously, it doesn't seem like there are any noticeable distortions being cause by the skill. Perhaps because of its lower rank?



Noble Phantasm

Goemonburo
Scorching Bath of Assured Death


Type: Anti-Unit (Self)
Rank: C+

The reenactment of his death, the only aspect of his legend he fully embraces, after all, this is the event that holds his objective.
The ability to generate boiling oil without end, coating his body and scorching the ground he walks on.
However, this is not truly the boiling oil that killed him, rather, it is a representation of his relentless willpower and of the dream he wishes to be real. The crystalization of his desire to keep going until he has achieved his objectives, without ever caring for others around him. Upon activation this, the scorching liquid envelops his own body, causing severe burns and eventually killing him.

Eventually.

He is more than willing to suffer this pain and power through it, because the fact that "Goemon survived a long time with his son above his head" is still true, he'll undoubtedly survive until the oil kills him. Any damage not caused by his own Noble Phantasm is reduced to zero, guaranteeing that he'll last the entire duration of the bath. A double-edged sword that can easily guarantee victory against powerhouse Servants, but is nearly useless against anyone else.

Goemon can stop the NP prematurely, but he'll never leave it unscathed. Even activating it for a short while will most likely burn off his skin completely...
Revealing the form beneath. A monstrous representation of someone unable to live in society and, in their determination, thoroughly unable and unwilling to change.



Delusion Trigger E+.

Confident in his self-definition as a beast and having to rely on it even more as a Servant, this skill alters his appearance severely. Beneath the skin, a bizarre form of shadow exists, appropriate for a thief like him. The conviction that had slowly been eroded by the coexistence with his gang is once again strenghtened, bolstered by the fact that the human world tried to erase this conviction and turn him into someone else.
After this appearance is revealed, he will no longer be affected by effects that target "humans" or "human society".

"Humanity. Society. Alaya. These are cages built to restrict us and I'm not about to play your bullshit game.

Morals? Duty? Stuff you all pretend it's important so you can justify suffering prisons. I am free... Or I was, but you guys weren't comfortable with that. You had to tie me down to these legends of heroism, pretend I was acting like your idols would.

You want me to compromise. To take it easy as you hold the fate of my son hostage. You're saying I should put it aside for the sake of the world.

I say no, and I'll continue to. My soul and heart burn stronger than your silly rules can handle. And it's not only me. Even if the sands on the rivers and the shores ran out, the seeds of thieves would never die. We're the beasts enjoying life outside the boundary, sprouting again whenever you think we're finished."





Image Sources:
https://www.pixiv.net/en/artworks/90991962
https://twitter.com/Eiichiro_Staff/s...59828712726536
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