Poor Hayate.~ :333
Poor Hayate.~ :333
Originally Posted by Seika
F/GO SUPPORT
More like poor Zafira >,>
Aaaand next!
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“Ne ne Shirou! Look look! Bubbles!” Said Reinforce Zwei as she splashed about the steaming ceramic bowl of warm water she was soaking in. Said bowl sat atop a stool next to the larger bath. “Ahh! I got soap in my eyeeeee!” Lamented the small device before Shirou could formulate a response.
Shirou Emiya sighed from his own bath tub as he began to settle in more comfortably after having prepared the bath for Reinforce Zwei. Nothing removed the chill from your bones like a warm relaxing bath.
“Atem des Eises!” Shouted the blue haired device from her bowl, causing several pieces of ice to slide down Shirou’s spine right before he submerged it in the water.
Well…the bath was sure to be warm at least.
As Shirou enacted his revenge on the small device, causing the small girl to squeal in playful delight. Three figures sat outside shivering in the cold rain, looking balefully at the warm promise offered by the young Emiya’s apartment.
“Zafira.” Said Vita.
“Yes?” Asked the Guardian Beast.
“You smell like wet dog.” Answered Hayate.
To say that tempers were running high among the shivering trio would be an understatement. Hang in there Zafira!
“Shiroooou! The water is getting cooooold!” The whining voice of Hayate’s adorable device could be heard from one of the many bugs Hayate had planted on the young man’s apartment over the years.
“Ahh.” Came the voice of the young man. “Let me get that for you.”
“Fuunnyaaaaa~ So waaaarm~” Came the voice of Reinforce Zwei a moment later as she descended into blissful soaking heaven.
“Hayate can we go home yet?” Asked the Guardian Beast with despair in his voice.
“No! We need to keep spying on them to wait for the perfect moment to strike!” Answered Hayate.
“Woooow Shirou! You really work out don’t you?” Said the small device.
“R-R-R-Rein! What are you doing!?” Said the young Emiya, his frantic cries accompanied by the sound of splashing water.
“Skin-ship! Skiiiin-Ship!”
“This is most certainly not skin-eeep! W-Where do you think you’re touching!”
“Woooooaaaaaa! Ne ne Shirou! This part here is hard, but also soft! It’s so weird!”
“D-Don’t touch there its sensiti-BWAHAHAHAHA! Oh god no! S-Stop you’re tickling me!”
“Teee-hee-heeeee! So you’re ticklish here~”
“HAHAHAHA! N-No! Stop! Merc-MAHAHAHAA! Oh god mercy!”
“I never knew your ribs were so sensitive Shirou! This is really fun! Now I see why Hayate gropes Signum and Vita all the time~!”
“That is something outrageo-n-no stop! No more no mo-MAHAHAHA! Stop plea-aaaah!”
“Shiroooou! Look this part here is weird! Its whiter than the rest of your skin! And its rougher! What is this?”
“T-That’s a scar Rein.”
“Ooohhh…is it ticklish?”
“Wait wha-pfft-BWAHAHAHA! Don’t tickle it!”
With a shrill scream of tortured plastic and electronics the radio was crushed in Hayate’s steel grip.
“I am going to kill that little-!”
“No Hayate!” Screamed Vita as she tackled her mistress, “The moment is not right! If you interfere now you will only cement the flag!”
Zafira simply planted his face in his palms; this day was going to be very long.
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Shirou Emiya sighed as he exited the bath, that girl was going to give him a heart attack someday.
“Ne ne Shirou! What are you going to make for dinner?” Asked the small device hot on the heels of one Shirou Emiya, her skin flushed a delicate red from her bath.
“Well what do you feel like eating?”
“Teriyaki~! Every time you make it and Vita is around I never get any!”
“But…I always make enough for everyone.” Said Shirou, looking rather flabbergasted.
“Yes but…Vita always takes my share.” Answered Zwei, an infinite sadness coloring her tone.
Shirou’s hands tightened into fists. “Next time I cook for Vita, I will fill her food with wasabi.” Said Shirou, anger flowing from his voice as fire and brimstone would from a volcano.
Outside, a chill ran down Vita Yagami’s spine. For a moment, she saw an illusion of the outmost despair and malice. It was as if some ravenous creature was staring at her, its putrid breath running down her neck as its jaw descended slowly to claim her life.
“G-Guys…I’m not feeling so well.” Said Vita tothe other two stalkersher two compatriots, her voice close to tears. “It’s as if…as if the sun stopped shining, like all hope has left the world. Like the ultimate heat-death of the universe is approaching at a great speed causing everything to fall into despair as we all wait to die uselessly.”
“Vita!” Snapped Hayate, causing the dead-eyed knight of the hammer to look at her mistress. “Get yourself together! Remember you said this is a pairing that must not happen!”
Vita simply kept looking at Hayate with no light reflecting form her eyes. “Don’t you understand Hayate? It’s over…Its all over. It was a doomed mission from the start.
“Reinforce can wrap Emiya around her little fingers. She holds ultimate control over his actions. With one single pout she can send him into a protective rage.
“She wields a power much greater than herself. A power only she can control.
“A power she will turn against us without mercy…it…it’s all useless!” Finished the Knight of the Iron Hammer as she fell to her knees and wept.
The air around the stalking trio was completely silent save for the patter of rain.
“What the hell am I still doing here?” Wondered Zafira out loud.
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“Ne Shirou.” Said Reinforce Zwei, clad in her light blue pajamas as she peeked at Shirou over her pillows edge. “It’s scary in the room…can I sleep here with you?”
Shirou Emiya’s heart skipped a beat, he could not help it. The girl just looked that defenseless and adorable.
Lightning illuminated the otherwise dark house while the thunder's loud report caused the girl to give a startled squeal and dive into Shirou’s chest without waiting for permission, where she proceeded to shake like a terrified pup.
Shirou blushed but spoke calmly. “Sure Rein, make yourself comfortable.” He said as he wrapped an arm around her not unlike an indulgent father, causing her shivers to still themselves. When lightning next struck, the only thing that told him she noticed was a slight tightening of her shoulders.
“Ne Shirou, I just realized something.” Said the girl as she burrowed her face into the young man’s chest.
“What’s that Rein?”
“Being held feels good.” Said the girl sleepily. “It’s warm and safe and comforting. I see why Hayate does it.” Mused Reinforce as she tried to keep her eyes open, fighting against the hypnotizing tempo set by Shirou’s strong heart.
Shirou smirked. “I think Hayate does it for a different reason.”
“Huu?” Said Reinforce, tilting her head to look her golden eyed not-father-figure in the eye.
Shirou’s smirk widened. “Because she’s a pervert.”
Outside in the rain, those four words stabbed into Hayate’s heart.
Reinforce was afflicted by a case of the giggles. “That she is isn’t she?”
The words wrenched themselves in order to drill though her arteries in the most painful manner possible. Causing her to collapse in a heap.
Zafira looked from the despairing Vita to his collapsed mistress and sighed. He picked the two of them up and started the long trek back to Hayate’s home. He was really looking forward to a warm shower.
“Ne ne Shirou.” Said Reinforce as she began to fall asleep.
“Yes Rein?”
“I want to be closer to you.” Murmured the girl, causing the young redhead to tilt his head.
“But…we’re already pretty close Rein.”
Reinforce Zwei shook her head, the feel of her silky hair causing Goosebumps to erupt across his skin.
“No Shirou not like that.” Said the girl, clearly half asleep. “I want to be closer to you, special.”
The last word caused the young Emiya to tighten his embrace of the girl ever so slightly. “You are special to me Rein, don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise.”
Zwei looked up to Shirou with an intense blush adorning her cheeks.
“T-Then.” Said the girl with conviction. “I-I…”
“Yes?”
“I…” Reinforce took a deep breath. “I want us to become one!”
It was a good think Shirou did not have anything in his mouth, otherwise he would have sprayed it all over the room.
“W-W-W-WHAT!” Screamed Shirou in between coughs.
“Um!” Enunciated Reinforce with a smile so pure it almost blinded the young Emiya.
“B-But I…I thought we…It’s just that!”
“Unless.” Said the girl, no longer so sure of herself. “Unless…you don’t like me?” she said, the sight of her dewy eyes causing Shirou to freeze like a deer in front of the headlights.
“I-I-I…O-O” Shirou Emiya coughed, and tried again. A fierce blush making his face match his hair. “Rein, of course I like you! B-But…about being one…that…that’s not something we can do.”
“But why?” Asked the girl, her face inching closer to his, trapping him against his pillow.
“B-B-B-Because you are too young!” Said Shirou with a high pitched voice.
“But I’ve already done it before.” Said Reinforce as she tilted her head not unlike a bird.
Shirou Emiya knew fury.
His vision turned red as his heart hammered faster than an assault rifle and his adrenal glands released their sweet drug into his system, sharp instruments of war tore their way out of his back. His hands tightened into fists and only his great care for the child in his arms stopped him from crushing her against his chest.
Whoever was responsible for this transgression would pay in blood. They would know why fire was his blood and his heart was made of glass.
The world would know not to fuck with a man made of swords.
“With whom?” Asked Shirou in a perfectly calm and reasonable voice.
A voice so calm and reasonable that most people would back away slowly.
Reinforce took in this change to his expression and knew fear. The arms that were around her making her feel trapped instead of safe. The warm and soft chest she had been pressing against had transformed into a wall of cold marble. His eyes so sharp that it seemed like his gaze alone was enough to cut her to pieces.
“U-U-Ummm.” Teetered the girl as she tried to connect this scary person with the Shirou she knew and loved. “H-H-H-H-Hayate, S-S-S-Signum, a-a-a-a-and V-V-V-Vita.”
Good, Shirou would hunt these people down and murder them. No, he would not murder them. He would impale them against a wall and cut away at their skin little by little, bleeding them dry one drop at a time as they begged for death while he denied them this sweet release as he continued t-
Wait.
“What.” Said Shirou. Confusion replacing the fury in his face, immediately becoming the boy Reinforce Zwei knew.
“Y-Yes!” Said the girl, eager to please Shirou so he would not become the Scary Shirou again. “I’ve unisoned with them before, so I want to do it with you too.” At this point she brought her hands together and started to twiddle her thumbs. “B-B-Because you’re special to me and…I like you a lot and I think it would work well and I want to be closer to you.” Any further words the blue haired device gave were lost as her mutters fell into incomprehensibility.
Shirou absorbed this information and then sighed in relief, hugging the girl tighter against his chest. “Geez, don’t scare me like that.”
“Like what Shirou?” Asked Rein as she looked at him quizzically.
“Don’t worry about it.” Answered the redhead. “I feel honored that you think so highly of me Rein, and would be more than happy to try and Unison with you. But for now, how about we go to sleep?” Finished Shirou with a smile.
“Umm!” Vocalized the blue haired girl as she buried her face into the young Emiya’s warm chest, soon losing consciousness as she was lulled to sleep by the steady beat of his heart.
Shirou remained awake a long time into the night, the pitter patter of rain and the girl’s soft breathing his only companions.
And now for a change of pace Shirou's date with Ayako!
This was another dare, don't remember who gave it to me.
Got pretty popular on FFN, I was surprised.
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“But me no buts!” Said Otoko Hotaruzuka sternly as she stared at her troubled employee.
“B-”
“I order you to take the day off! And that’s final!”
“I ca-”
“If you tell me you can’t I am shoving a bottle of sake down your throat.” Said the woman whist taking hold of a bottle of the liquor and waving it in a threatening manner.
“You wouldn’t.” Said the young man as he narrowed his eyes.
Neko’s only response was to break out into a smile that would make a Cheshire cat proud.
“A-A-A-AnywaysIjustrememberedsomethingIgottadobye!” Said Shirou as he made a strategic retreat from the bar at full speed.
Once the redhead was gone, Otoko’s smile melted off her handsome face. Sighing, she retreated back around the counter. “Honestly, that kid worries me.” Mumbled the barkeep as she took up a glass and a rag.
And so Shirou Emiya found himself in Shinto in the middle of a beautiful day, faced with a daunting enemy that he did not know how to handle.
Free time.
“Well, the tiles of the roof do need repairing so I guess I could do that.” Muttered the young man to himself, turning and walking towards the shopping district to acquire the materials he would need.
“Let’s see,” murmured Shirou as he reached the shopping mall and headed to the store he needed. “Going to need nails. My mallet is just about done with its service so I’ll need to buy a new one. And it would probably would be a good idea to buy a -”
“Emiya? What are you doing here?”
“Huh?” Said Shirou intelligently as he turned in the direction of the person who addressed him. He quickly spotted Ayako Mitsuzuri as she made her way to him, dressed in form fitting blue jeans and a loose long-sleeved white shirt.
Ayako smirked. “Whaddya mean ‘hu?’ I thought you worked on the weekends, what’s up?”
“Ahh, well, my boss sort of ran me off the store, something about ‘taking the day off to woo a pretty girl’ or something.” Answered the redhead absentmindedly. “I thought that I might as well do something constructive with the time and do some maintenance at my place.”
Ayako’s smirk widened a little and she slapped the redhead’s back with excessive force. “But aren’t you supposed to go have fun?”
“Meh I’d rather get the repairs going.”
“Geez... To think that the ace of the archery club is so hopeless,” said Ayako with an infinite sadness in her voice. “Well, you’ve forced my hand Emiya! C’mon! There is a new arcade that opened a few weeks ago!” said the brunette as she took Shirou’s hand and all but dragged him to the second floor.
Shirou’s succinct response was to stutter and blush. The feeling of Ayako’s small, callused, and warm fingers on his hand making him self-conscious. His hands seemed large and rough compared to Ayako’s slender digits.
“Hurry it up Emiya!” Called Ayako. “I’m doing ya the favor of keeping you company so you can at least walk faster!”
It would be a long day for one Shirou Emiya.
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“C’mooooon Emiya! We don’t have all day!” Hollered Ayako as she sat outside the men’s dressing room.
“Have you any idea how stupid this looks?” Called back the redhead without stepping out of the dressing room.
“How would I know till ya show me eh?”
“I am not walking out. In fact, I am taking this off this instant.”
Ayako’s smug smirk was almost palpable. “Yeah go right ahead, I’ll just throw open the screen in a few moments then!”
A good many of the people in the store turned to stare at Ayako as she made her threat.
“You wouldn’t!”
“Emiya, look within yourself and think carefully before you answer this question.
“Am I not a woman of my word?”
Shirou remained quiet for several moments. “This is because I beat your high score at that shooting game isn’t it?”
“Yup!”
Grumbling, Shirou threw open the blinds that kept him from the store at large. The sight of him wiped Ayako’s smug smirk off her face, her cheeks coloring a bright scarlet.
Even though a little taller than average, when compared to the average Japanese boy his age, Shirou did not normally strike an imposing figure. He usually made sure to wear loose baggy clothing, as a result people were not normally able to see that he was quite solidly built and carried a good amount of muscle on his slender frame.
Ayako had picked out an outfit for him. A pair of form-fitting black slacks, a somewhat tight white shirt and a black overcoat.
Ayako had forced Shirou to wear a butler outfit, having assumed that when he walked out of the dressing room she would get quite a good laugh.
However, she had not counted with the fact that the outfit would accentuate Shirou’s muscular frame quite that well. The coldly composed look on his face almost managed to make him look dashing.
“So? How do I look?” Asked Shirou with some exasperation in his voice, wishing only to get out of the suit as quickly as possible.
“I ahh…I ahh…It’s…uhh.” Was Ayako’s brilliant response, her brain having been forced into a reboot by the unexpected sight in front of her.
Shirou finally turned and actually looked at her, noticing that her face was a very vivid red.
“Ayako? Are you feeling alright?” Asked the redhead as he stalked closer to her, causing Ayako’s spine to stiffen.
“M-Me? O-Of coursewhywouldyouthinkthatI-W-What are you doing!?” Ayako’s nervous babbling transformed into a panicked shriek as Shirou gently pulled her bangs off her forehead and inched his face closer to hers.
“Well, I need to see if you are running a fever.” Said Shirou as Ayako did what she could to hold him off. “If you are getting sick we might be able to beat the disease if we treat it fast enough.”
“B-B-N-No that’s unnecesar-”
“Stop squirming!” Said Shirou as he took hold of the back of her head and pulled her to him with enough force that Ayako could no longer hold them apart. The touch of his forehead to hers turned the normally articulate girl into a stuttering wreck.
“You don’t seem to have a fever.” Murmured the redhead absentmindedly. “But you are rather flushed…what’s going on?”
Shirou’s warm breath running across Ayako’s lips caused the girl to break out into gooseflesh. “E-Emiya…umm…p-personal space?”
At her words Shirou realized the rather intimate pose he kept as he loomed over the girl, holding the back of her head as he pushed their foreheads together.
He was back inside the changing room, red-faced and stammering apologies in the blink of an eye. Having moved so fast that he did not seem to have crossed the intervening space between where he was and where he ended up, but rather teleported to his destination.
“I-I-I’m so sorry I did not mean t-”
“N-No! It’s my fault too I mea-”
“B-But it was obviously my fault a-”
“J-Just shut up already Emiya!” Yelled the distraught girl.
“O-Ok I’m sorry!” His last supplication made, Shirou ducked inside the changing room and closed the blinds.
Ayako sat unmoving, trying to get both her breathing and her rapidly pounding heart under control. A moment later she heard mutters, looking around she realized that the entirety of the store was staring at her, most of the women with a look of outmost amusement.
She caught a few murmurs about ‘needing to train him better’ the very thought caused her face to flush a vivid red again.
She stood and walked to the room Shirou was changing in. “E-Emiya hurry it up already!”
“Ayako? Yeah I’ll be right out just give me a minute.”
“Well you don’t have a minute! Hurry it up!”
As Ayako stood there, feeling the incriminating stares of everyone on the store, she, at that precise moment, decided Shirou would pay for this, she did not know nor care why it was his fault, she just knew that it was, and he would be punished accordingly.
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“A-Ayako this is a little…” Said one Shirou Emiya, with a blush so bright it could be confused for a sunset.
“What? Are you telling me you can’t do this? Where is your pride as a man?” Asked the brunette with a smirk.
“I really don’t see what this has to do with any of that.”
“Objection noted and overruled. Now shut up and say ‘ahh’.” Said Ayako as she stabbed a piece of meat with her fork and brought it to Shirou’s lips.
“A-Ayako you really don’t have t-hmpfb” Said the redhead intelligently as Ayako took advantage of his talking to insert the morsel into his mouth, the color of his face darkening to a very healthy vermillion.
Ayako took note of Shirou’s increased discomfort and grinned triumphantly. She shifted on her seat to find a more comfortable position, causing Shirou to squirm.
Ayako was surprised at how comfortable the redhead’s lap was.
After the debacle at the shop, Ayako had decided that Shirou had to pay in blood for his transgression. As such, she had demanded that he pay for her lunch.
Shirou had readily agreed, thinking that he had gotten off easy.
He had been such a fool.
The moment the food arrived, Ayako walked over to him, pushed his chair back, and sat on his lap, wrapping an arm around his shoulders for balance.
The look on his face had been priceless.
Ayako had proceeded to insist that sense he was being nice enough to pay for the food, she would have to repay him by feeding him.
Shirou’s inability to ignore all the stares they were drawing was so very satisfying.
Left with no other choice, Shirou obediently chewed the morsel the brunette had deposited into his mouth.
“Ne~ Emiya~n” Sibilated Ayako, the heated tone with which she spoke causing a reaction in a certain part of the young man’s anatomy, almost breaking the tight control he had been keeping on his member. “I am mighty famished, but as you can see my hands are occupied~”
‘Ohh no, oh please no.’ Thought the redhead frantically, his eyes widening in fearful realization of what Ayako was about to demand. ‘No no no no no, no please no, anything but that!’
“Seeing as to my hands are busy~” Continued the merciless Ayako. “Could you be a gentleman and help me alleviate my hunger?”
Shirou gulped nervously, swallowing the food he had in his mouth, almost chocking on it.
Not trusting himself to speak, he took hold of the fork by her plate and speared a small piece of meat. He began bringing it slowly, almost fearfully, to her lips.
“Aaahh~” Said Ayako expectantly as she stared hungrily into his eyes. Shirou gently deposited the morsel into her mouth, watching as Ayako closed her lips, enraptured as she chewed and swallowed. She then slowly, languidly licked her lips clean.
Shirou gulped.
Ayako’s smirk gained a predatory gleam. “Hey Emiya~n, I’m still hungry.” Murmured the brunette huskily.
Without conscious input from him, Shirou’s hand had prepared another bite for Ayako. The brunet having done the same, they slowly brought their respective utensil to the other’s mouth.
“Woooooaa,” said Yukika Saegusa as she could no longer suppress her amazement at the scene she was witnessing.
Shirou and Ayako both froze, their illusion of isolation broken into countless pieces as their bubble of privacy was destroyed with an almost audible ‘pop’.
For the first time sense the torture of Shirou Emiya began, Ayako’s face flushed with color.
“Y-Y-Y-Yukika? W-What are you doing here?” Asked Ayako shrilly.
“Ah!” Said the track club manager, bringing her hands to her mouth when she realized she had made a noise. “P-Please don’t mind me I was just…umm…”
Shirou’s frozen mind remembered that he was hungry, and so he bit down on the fork that was right in front of his mouth. The movement snapped Ayako’s shell-shocked mind out of its stupor.
“Y-Y-Y-Yukika t-this is not what it looks like!” Stuttered the Archery Captain shrilly.
“Ohh? Then do tell what this looks like.” Said a cool, quiet, and deep soprano. The voice caused Ayako to jump, turning to the speaker so quickly that she suffered from whiplash. Kane Himuro stood in front of her, an ever so slight smile gracing her lips and a light of utmost delight shining from her eyes.
“H-H-Himuro, t-this is really not what you think it is!” Answered Ayako frantically, waving her free hand in front of her face, managing only to bring attention to the fork still clutched in her slender fingers.
Ayako’s blush intensified and she dropped the fork unto one of the plates.
“Ooooh?” Answered Kane as her smirk widened. “Then do please tell me, what do I think this is?”
Ayako only managed to stutter.
“I must say.” Said Kaede Makidera as she stood behind Shirou’s chair. “I did not see this flag, did not see it at all. Emiya you are one lucky guy eh?”
“K-Kaede?” Said Ayako with a measure of calm, her mind having been strained to the point where she could no longer react to further shock.
“Yup! The Black Panther of Homura at your service!” Said Kaede, striking a pose. “But still Ayako, to think that you could so shamelessly rush forth and claim the prize…I must say I did not think you had it in you.”
“W-Well…ahh…you see…I just wanted to teach Emiya a lesson and then I did something to embarrass him and then I just went with the flow and then I just got caught up in the momen-”
Realizing that her running mouth would serve only to incriminate her, Ayako stilled her lips, but the damage was done.
The track trio huddled together and began to happily whisper among each other. Ayako could catch the words “Shameless” “Forward” “Unladylike” “Lucky” and “C-Cute” among others.
Shirou’s mind had never really managed to reboot. His stomach however, demanded more food, as such he stabbed another morsel from his plate and silently brought it to his mouth.
His action caused all four of the girls to immediately stop what they were doing and stare at him. Their intense scrutiny snapped him out of his stupor.
“What?”
“E-Emiya…you.”
“Indirect Kiss.” Squeaked Yukika Saegusa in a barely audible whisper.
Realization of what he had done hit Shirou like a thunderbolt. His face which had regained its normal coloration could have lit up a night sky, so hard was his blush.
“I-I mean…I just…It’s.”
Ayako’s mouth opened and closed several times, having been driven speechless by Shirou’s action. When she regained speech, she pouted and made a sullen declaration. “E-Emiya no ecchi.”
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“Man that was embarrassing.” Muttered Shirou as he absentmindedly walked into the park, turning his face unto a passing breeze in order to try to cool off his still flushed face.
“I can’t believe you’d do that Emiya. You are sneakier than I thought you were.” Said Ayako sullenly as she stared at the ground, chagrined that her plan to torture Shirou had backfired so spectacularly.
“Don’t blame me! I’m the victim here!”
“Like hell Emiya! It was all clearly your fault!”
Shirou considered continuing with the argument, before sighing. “Yeah, you’re right, it’s all my fault.”
Ayako narrowed her eyes. “You are not saying that just to appease me are you?”
“No. I honestly believe it’s all my fau-gah! Why did you hit me!?” Demanded Shirou as he rubbed the back of his head after Ayako slapped him.
“So that you will repent for real!” Said the brunette as she wound her arm for another go.
Shirou did the manly thing and strategically retreated. He was most certainly not running away, and the sounds coming from his mouth were belligerent warcries to intimidate his opponent. He was not hollering like a little girl as he ran away from a teenage lass he outweighed by at least forty pounds.
A few minutes later, Shirou stopped and collapsed to the floor, turning his head so he could face the cloud covered sky. All the while trying in vain to still his laughter and regain control of his breathing.
“HA!” Screamed Ayako in between pants. “I…finally…caught you! You little…coward!” Her declaration made she collapsed next to the redhead.
The two remained as they were for a few moments until Ayako started to laugh. Soon Shirou joined her and before they knew it, the two were laughing uncontrollably.
After a few moments Shirou quieted and thought over his day up to that point and had an epiphany.
He had had fun, quite a lot of it in fact.
The very thought twisted his stomach.
Shirou Emiya, sole survivor of the Shinto fire did not deserve to have fun. For all the people who were lost, for all those who died. Shirou had to make it up to them by becoming a hero who saved everyone.
What right did he have, he who ignored countless cries for help, to have fun?
As he lay there on the cooling ground, stubborn patches of grass clinging grimly to life in the barren field of what used to be a place where people lived, quarreled, and smiled. He realized something. Something which made him chuckle with a grim quality as he slowly, languidly stretched his arm to the cloud covered heavens, as if trying to reach for the darkened skies. Or maybe, just maybe, trying to uselessly scream ‘I am here’.
“Emiya?” Ayako’s whisper broke through his dark revere, causing the redhead to start and turn to her, his arm straining toward the heavens almost against his will. “Emiya, what’s up?”
“Did you know Ayako.” Said Shirou slowly as he returned his eyes to the heavens, the words wrenching themselves from his lips in a monotone, his eyes and tone losing the light they normally held. “Ten years ago there was a fire in Shinto, pretty bad thing. A little under five hundred people died in it.”
“Yeah everyone knows that. Rather than rebuild, this park was made as a sort of memorial right?” Answered the girl slowly, trying to figure out where the redhead was going.
“Yeah…I guess so.” Answered the redhead as he contemplated the grey skies. “I guess…I guess that is right.”
“What do you mean?”
Shirou remained quiet for the space of a full minute, trying to structure his feelings into some form of coherent speech. Realizing that he couldn’t, he was about to tell Ayako to forget it.
“It was a strange experience honestly.” Said Shirou as his hand remained steady as a rock in its quest to capture the skies. “Walking through the streets, throat burned from heat and smoke, listening to the screams of people form a chaotic harmony.
“There were those who were completely unharmed yet stood wailing.
“There were those who had been burnt beyond recognition, yet simply stood there, staring around with sightless eyes.
“And…there was one who walked through it all. Looking at them all: Those who gave help and died for it. Those who begged for salvation and died anyways. Those who held out a child for him to carry to safety. Those who fought for survival tooth and nail and others who gave into despair.
“In the end, there were only those who called to him to just stop and rest beside them. So that they would not die alone.
“He never once answered, never once turned, never once acknowledged he was even being called. By that time he was dead. Just a little less than a walking corpse. In the process of fighting to survive, he gave up the desire to live.
“It was here…right here. I collapsed. I wanted to keep walking…I could not remember why, except that I had to keep moving. But my legs just couldn’t anymore, and I realized ‘ah…I’m going to die.’ To tell you the truth I welcomed it. Why should I live when everyone else died? Why should I be saved when I did not heed the call of all those who reached out to me?
“It started to rain, the water felt cold. But I could not really find any interest in it. ‘The fire will go out’ I thought ‘at least that’s a start’. And so that was it, the end of the road.
“Even so…I still wanted to live…I still wanted to survive, to be saved. And I reached out to the sky, just like so, thinking that maybe I could catch the clouds…or maybe I wasn’t thinking at all.
“I look back to today and realize…what the hell am I doing? I don’t deserve this…why should I get to enjoy these things when I denied them to all those who asked for my help? Why should I smile when they can’t anymore?
“I just…I just realized…I don’t have the right. I should strive harder to help others, give others the happiness I don’t deserve.” His final declaration made, Shirou’s hand slowly, ever so slowly descended. Before it could impact against his chest, a small warm hand took his hand in a viselike grip.
Shirou stared at the hand holding his own, holding it steady against the pull of gravity. Not understanding why the hand shook so. His eyes flowed up to the wrist, followed the arm all the way to a shaking shoulder, until he could see the weeping face of Ayako Mitsuzuri.
“A-Ayako what’s wrong!?” Demanded the redhead as he began to sit up.
Ayako’s other hand pushed him roughly back to the ground.
“E-Emiya.” Said the girl in a trembling voice. “Y-Y-You…YOU GODDAMMED IDIOT!” Screamed the brunette as she slapped Shirou so hard he heard a ringing in his ear.
“Why the hell do you think you get to arbitrarily decide what you do or don’t deserve!?”
“B-But I don-” He was silenced as Ayako backhanded him hard enough to split his lip.
“Shut up! You don’t get to say something so sad! Just who the hell do you think you are? ‘I don’t have the right’ my ass!” The Brunette punctuated her last sentence by driving her fist into Shriou’s stomach hard enough to bruise her knuckles.
“Just who do you think you are!? You can’t just decide to not be happy!”
“As I sai-”
“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.” The brunette punctuated her fading cries with ever weakening strikes.
“Goddammit, Emiya.” Sobbed Ayako as she held Shirou’s hand to her chest and simply wept.
After a few moments of silence, Shirou opened his mouth. He had to say something, anything. No matter that he would likely get slapped again, he had to comfort the girl sitting beside him. He had to defend his ideal, his beliefs.
He did not know what he had to do. He just knew he had to speak.
At that precise moment, thunder rolled and it began to rain.
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Shirou stood in his kitchen, quietly cooking a meal for two and fighting against an emotion he had little familiarity with.
Fury.
His anger was such that even the normally calming process of crafting a meal did nothing to alleviate it. He had to be careful to suppress the shaking of his hands lest he cut one of his chilled fingers.
When the rain had begun to fall at the park Shirou had opted to part ways, but Ayako stubbornly clung to his hand, refusing to be separated from him. In the end he had offered her the chance to stay at his home while the rain stopped, a prospect to which she agreed.
By the time they arrived they were both soaked to the bone. Never once through the long trek had Ayako consented to release Shirou’s hand.
Shirou prepared a warm bath for Ayako, shooting down her protests that he should go in first. He had dry clothes to change into, she did not. As such he prepared a set of Taiga’s clothes for her to wear once she finished with her bath, taking a set of his own clothing and setting it down in the bath room to save himself the bother later.
Forty minutes later the rain had not shown any sign of stopping and he’d begun to work on dinner.
“Hey Emiya…I’m done with the bath.” Came Ayako’s quiet voice from the living room just as he was finishing with the preparation of dinner.
Shirou grit his teeth, did what he could to prevent them from grinding against each other.
“Good, dinner’s ready.” He answered in a monotone. “About what you said on the park.” Began Shirou as he turned around, his anger leaking into his tone. However the sight of her caused him to choke on his words.
Ayako Mitsuzuri was wearing his shirt.
And judging by the fact that he had thrown her clothes on the washer a while back, and for the life of him he had not been able to find a set of Taiga’s underwear, it was likely she wasn't wearing anything else.
Not to mention the very electric blush on her face.
“Bueh?” Was the redhead’s brilliant commentary.
“T-Taiga’s clothes didn’t fit me.” Answered Ayako quietly. “The dress was too loose on the hips and too tight on the chest.”
“Ahh…I ahh…I see.” Said Shirou as he fought the desire to ogle her long legs and did what he could not to stare at those creamy white thighs.
“A-Anyways what’s for dinner?”
“Ahh…n-no before that.” Said Shirou as he grabbed unto his anger like a drowning man might grab unto driftwood. “We…we need to talk about what happened in the park.”
Ayako took a deep breath, she had been afraid of this. “Look Emiya…I’m sorry I hit you but I’m not wrong, what you said…that’s not healthy.”
Shirou slowly shook his head. “It’s not wrong Ayako…you weren’t there, you can’t know.”
Slowly, Ayako stalked closer, and staring at the floor she took his hands before speaking softly, almost in a whisper. “Emi…S-Shirou…I just…I heard you say that…I saw the truth of it in your eyes. You honestly believe that you don’t deserve to be happy. That’s not right…that’s just not right. Out of everyone I know, you are the one who deserves it the most.”
“No Ayako…no I don’t.”
Shirou’s declaration caused her to tighten her hands on his until her knuckles popped. “Why? Tell me why? Why can’t you be happy?”
“Because I can’t, I don’t deserve it. You didn’t see their eyes, their pleading looks. You didn’t hear them beg for help. Shirou Emiya does not deserve normal happiness, not after he denied it to countless others.” Shirou felt warm drops fall on his hands.
“Dammit Emiya. That’s not right, that not right at all.”
“I don’t believe that. The desire to help others can’t be wrong. To say that it is wrong is denying the very existence of Shirou Emiya…if that’s wrong…I don’t see how I could live with myself.”
Ayako let go of his hands.
Shirou sighed. He was glad that she had seen reason, but he could not help but feel saddened. He had a strange feeling that this would be the end of their friendship.
When she embraced him in a rib-creaking hug and buried her face in his chest, it came as a complete surprise.
“I’m going to make you happy Shirou.” Mumbled the girl without lifting her face from his chest. “I am going to make you happy whether you want to or not. Do you hear that?”
“A-Ayako?” As Shirou stood there, unsure of what exactly had just transpired, his hands slowly, almost as if from their own accord, returned her embrace, stilling the trembles that had plagued her slender frame.
The door banged open. “Shiroou~! Onee-san had a fight with grandpa so she’s come to play~!”
Everyone in the room froze, a blush so bright emanating from the faces of the two teenagers that one could think that two suns were rising at dawn.
“Shirou…” Said Taiga Fujimura as a shadow of outmost despair and malice settled about her like a cloak. “Shirou…I DID NOT RAISE YOU TO BE LIKE THIS!” Roared the tiger of Fuyuki, causing a despaired sob to be uttered by the two teenagers.
It was a long night for Shirou and Ayako.
Neither one noticed that their fingers remained intertwined through the entire debacle.
Fluff. *~*
F/GO SUPPORT
( °Д°)<(It's not fluff its drama!)
You're still in denial.~
F/GO SUPPORT
As once said by someone: Sorry Santo. My brother. My captain. My king. It was fluff.
Underneath the Stars
Spoiler:
Spoiler:
And last but not least. (don't hold me to this, I've yet to actually nitpick my notes files)
This here snippet was born out of a thread discussing Sora no Otishimono and Nasuverse cross.
I might continue this actually, I have something of an outline for what would happen next, I've just felt like writing other stuff.
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The battle had been going too well after all.
That’s the only thing that Type Theta 2nd Generation Tactical Angeloid Ikaros Melan Serial Number: 015 could think as she sped away from the skirmish at Mach 6 and rising.
She knew she was supposed to stay back and assist the rest of the strike force. But she couldn’t, there must be something wrong with her programming.
When she saw The Original stand again, she felt…something. As if a hand composed of ice was attempting to strangle her Reactor.
The mere thought of confronting The Original had made this feeling intensify. And so she had abandoned the Strike Force and started accelerating across the skies.
Her Operating System detected an incoming attack. She had exactly 6 Femtoseconds to react.
The hand of ice around her reactor tightened into a crushing grip, causing her to freeze completely in the face of the incoming attack.
This was the only thing that saved her.
The attack had been aimed with unerring precision at her reactor, ensuring that it would pierce her Aegis, penetrate her shell, and annihilate her in a fiery explosion.
The attack had been calculated perfectly, taking everyone of her defenses into account. Its angle pre-corrected to account for both the displacement of the Aegis and Ikaros Melain’s preferred evasion pattern.
015 froze and failed to bring up any of her defenses. Such was the dread she felt, she was unable to so much as flinch.
This caused the shot to cut its way through her stomach, missing her reactor by a hair’s breadth. Its heat cauterizing the wound even as it inflicted it. The round disappeared into the distance a moment later, having caused the minimal damage it could have caused.
She still plummeted to the ground and made a crater with her landing.
Reactor damage minimal. Informed her repair program. Damage to structure… minimal. Rapid treatment of torso will be completed in less than five minutes. Full operational capacity will be regained within two hours.
The only thing 015 knew at that moment, was that she was alive. That her reactor was undamaged, and that she would recover.
This knowledge flooded her with a strange feeling of warmth, the icy digits that had been digging into her reactor melting away and leaving behind only a strange, uplifting sensation.
Initiating self-repair protocol.
Warning: Main hard drive damaged, corruption found in programming.
Warning: Corruption in programming extensive attempting to excise.
Warning: Corruption in programming has affected all files, deletion impossible.
Warning: Initializing formatting of Main Hard Drive.
The icy digits returned to 015’s reactor. She did not understand this feeling. She knew she should feel nothing at the prospect. She was not programmed to have emotions after all. But the only thing she knew, was that she did not want to lose this strangely uplifting feeling in her chest.
Resetting programming to factory standard, commencing re-boot.
Type Theta 2nd Generation Tactical Angeloid Ikaros Melan Serial Number: 015 fought the oncoming darkness with every ounce of will she could muster. She did not know if she had a name. She did not know what this icy grip in her reactor meant. She did not know how or why she survived. But there was one thing she did know.
Melan did not want to die.
She focused her eyes upon the brightest thing she could, using the rays of the sun in an attempt to beat back the darkness that stubbornly slithered into her vision. Groggily, she raised her hand towards it, thinking that maybe, just maybe, if she could take hold of that source of light she might beat back the night taking over her senses.
Her hand fell.
“Eaasy there! Don’t worry I got ya.” Said a mild tenor as two warm hands enveloped her own.
015 did what she could to look at the person that had caught her hand, her programming demanding that he be destroyed.
Her eyes met a pair of auburn orbs before darkness took her.
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She was heavier than she looked.
That is the thing that went through Shirou Emiya’s mind as he carried the girl from the crater towards his home.
He had been cleaning the classroom after everyone else had left, it was quite a chore alone but he did not mind.
During that time the windows had rattled as something landed in the woods behind the school with great force. Curious, he had gone out to investigate and found a hurt girl in a crater, her hand reaching upwards as if asking someone to save her.
Without thinking he had grabbed her hand, the girl falling unconscious soon after. When he looked her over he had panicked, she had a hole all the way through her stomach. He had feared that there was nothing he could do. But, amazingly enough, it had healed in the moments he spent pondering what to do.
He then noticed that the rest of her injuries were disappearing at an equally astounding pace. Not knowing what else to do, he had dug her out of the crater and waited for the sun to set before heading back home.
The two black wings had provided quite a scare to the poor boy. Now they proved to be an annoyance, for it made walking somewhat awkward.
Still, these deliberations were ultimately just a way to distract himself from the fact that he was carrying an exceedingly beautiful young woman. A young woman whose *ahem* bountiful assets were pressing unto his back while her creamy thighs rubbed against his sides as he walked. The last few rays of the sunset reflecting off her smooth skin in a mouthwatering-
Immediately cutting off that line of thought, he decided to concentrate on his surroundings. Strange incidents had been happening around the city lately, leaving the streets mostly deserted. A thing he was glad for at the moment, it would have been hard to explain why he was carrying a scantily clad black winged angel.
After what seemed like an eternity and a few minutes, he finally arrived home, the sight of the two story western style house refreshing to the young Emiya.
Lucky for him, his parents travelled a lot so he did not need to worry about explaining things to them.
The only problem was: How was he to sneak the unconscious girl into his room without alerting Sella and Leysritt?
Well, Sella went to bed very early so that she could compete against him when it came to waking up in the morning to make breakfast, he likely did not need to worry about her. It was around 8, so Illya was likely in the bath.
That only left Leysritt. Arguably the most dangerous of the lot.
Having no other thing to do, Shirou simply shuffled his burden until he could get his keys out of his pocket and opened the door.
Where he came face to face with Leysritt as she absently sucked on an ice pop.
They stared into each other’s eyes for a long, hard moment.
She immediately turned and headed for the stairs.
“Wait!” Whispered Shirou desperately.
Leysritt paused and turned slowly to look at him.
He had to be careful, he only had one shot at this. “If you keep this a secret I will do your chores for the next two months.”
Leysritt looked at him long and hard before giving her answer. “Five months.”
“Three, and I will cook your favorite food every other weekend starting today.”
“Deal.” Her business concluded she walked to the living room to watch TV.
Shirou sighed dejectedly and walked up the stairs to his room. Once there he laid the girl on his bed as gently as possible.
He then went for the med kit Sella kept around, disinfected and wrapped all of her rapidly healing injuries, putting as much focus as possible into his task in an attempt to convince himself that his cheeks were not burning scarlet at the moment. When he was done, he gently covered her with his blanket so she could rest as comfortably as possible.
He then closed and locked the door to his room, pulled out a futon and all but passed out.
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Formatting complete. Repairs 90% complete. Initiating startup.
Type Theta 2nd Generation Tactical Angeloid Ikaros Melan Serial Number: 015 awoke from her enforced slumber, not knowing where she was, how it is that she came to be there, nor able to find a reason why she should care.
She knew only two things.
One: She was alive.
Two: She needed to find a Master to serve.
She sat up, the motion causing the blanket she had been covered with to slide off, revealing that she was covered in bandages.
Slowly she removed them, finding unmarred skin below them, and looked about herself.
It was a room, rather empty aside from the bed she was sitting on, a dresser, a desk with a computer, and a sleeping boy on the floor.
When she looked at the boy, a strangely warm feeling flowed from her reactor. Deciding to investigate this feeling she knelt beside him.
A vague image of her hand being enveloped in his came to mind. She felt that she had to do something to him, or for him. But she could not remember why.
She then recalled she needed a Master to serve, and saw the human before her as a prime candidate.
She proceeded to crawl the rest of the way toward the sleeping boy. Being careful not to disturb his slumber, she gently set her hand on his chest feeling the rhythmic beat of his heart.
“Imprinting.” She said softly, a chain materializing on her collar, its links extending one by one until they wrapped themselves around the young man’s right hand.
Her task done 015 settled beside her new master and awaited instruction.
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Shirou Emiya’s awoke at six o’clock sharp, just as he always did. He attempted to shift and stretch, but a warm and soft structure was on top of him, restricting his movements.
Blearily, he opened his eyes, the world coming into focus slowly.
The sight of a pair of blood red orbs staring intently at him snapped him to awareness.
“Good morning, Master.” Said the girl calmly.
The phrase seemed to be the signal for him to give a manly roar of outrage as he backed away from what could possibly be an enemy at a calm pace. It was very manly and outrageous, and did not at all sound like the high pitched scream a terrified girl might make as she quickly scampered away from what had caused her fright.
Of course, he did not have the time to notice the chain wrapped around his hand, a chain that led to the collar she was wearing, and when the slack on this chain ran out he pulled his guest with him, causing the both of them to fall to the floor in an awkward pile of limbs.
The black haired girl straddled him, then pressed on his shoulders with surprising strength, causing him to cease his struggles.
“Master, is something the matter?” Said the girl in the same tone of voice, only the intensity of her stare indicating that something could be wrong.
Shirou Emiya knew something very strange was going on. “Wha…I…Master?” unfortunately for him, his brain was not yet done with its initial boot up.
The girl tilted her head not unlike a bird. It was, dare he say it, cute. “Yes,” said the girl as she moved closer to him, pressing her *ahem* assets unto his chest. “You are my Master.”
“B-But what do yo-”
“Shirou? I heard you scream, is everything alright?” Said Sella as she tried to open the locked door.
Shirou’s entire thought process could be summarized in four words. ‘Holy crap it’s Sella!’
Shirou yelled the first thing that came to mind. “I…I-aahhh, I-It was nothing! I saw a spider! Yes a spider!”
Sella remained quiet a few moments before speaking. “But I thought you were not afraid of spiders. You are after all the one we call when we need to kill such vermin.”
“Master is something th-mmpphh.” Said the black haired girl as Shirou placed his hand over her mouth to silence her, hoping against all hope that Sella had not heard.
Sella threw his hopes to the floor and ground them beneath her heel. “Shirou what was that?”
A frightened quiver enter into the young man’s voice, its pitch increasing because of his plight. “I-It w-was n-nothing S-S-S-Sella! J-Just your i-imagination!”
Outside the door, Sella regarded this information for a few moments before formulating her response. “I would think it is a little too early to masturbate Shirou.”
“WHAT!” Said the young man indignantly, Sella did not pay him any heed.
“But boys will be boys. Come down stairs when you are ready for breakfast.” Said Sella as she retreated to the bottom floor.
Shirou sighed. That was not the resolution he would have hoped for, but it was better than her finding out about his ‘guest’.
His relief did not last very long, as a moment later he felt a pair of hands doing their best to touch something they did not have any business touching.
“Hey, what are you doing!” Whispered-yelled the young man as he fought the winged girl’s attempts at removing his pants.
“Serving Master.” Said the girl in a calm voice.
“B-I-No! Don’t! H-H-H-HEY Leggo! Sto-EEP!” Shirou did not dare raise his voice. It might make Sella come back and have an even lower opinion of him, or she would find out what was actually happening and kill him. No middle ground.
The black haired girl did not heed his words and simply beat aside his hands with her surprising strength. “We Angeloids are created to please our Masters. As long as it is something that pleases you, I’ll do anything you command.”
“Oh god. T-T-Then I command you to stop!” Whispered Shirou desperately.
The result was immediate.
The girl removed herself from him, sat on the floor and stared, her wings fluttering in what could only be agitation.
“Do you find me displeasing Master?” Asked the black haired girl, a sadness as deep as an ocean emanating from her eyes and pinning the young Emiya to the wall with the intensity of her stare.
“I-I…Buh…I…N-No! I don-”
“Then why won’t you allow me to serve you?” She began to crawl towards him. “We Angeloids were made to serve Master.” Shirou began to inch himself to the wall, the red-eyed girl in hot pursuit.
Shirou’s head smacked against the wall, ensuring he no longer had room to retreat. “Please Master, let me serve you.” Said the girl, her warm breath brushing against the young man’s lips.
“I-I-I aahhhh…W-What’s your name?”
The girl tilted her head. “Type Theta 2nd Generation Tactical Angeloid Ikaros Melan Serial Number: 015”
Shirou was quiet for a while.
“What.”
Oh! That was my quote. :>
I don't remember reading this. How the hell did I miss it?
Awesome work too! In more than one way.
It started on the Crack Pairing thread and progressed from there; there was a going between Ikaros and Melan to be Shirou's angeliod. I preferred Melan though.I don't remember reading this. How the hell did I miss it?
Awesome work too! In more than one way.
I know not from what perverse corner of my mind this monstrosity sprang forth.
I know only that I gave it birth.
Before you read this piece, I strongly recommend you read through at least the first part of this. Otherwise you will have no idea what the hell is going on.
With that said...Shirou raised by Old Man Henderson.
^( °Д°)<(This! Is! CRACK!)
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The child walked, leaving behind the screams of the dead and dying. Ignoring the calls for help, not paying attention to the countless men and women who looked to him, asking for but a moment of his time so they would not die alone.
Time passed. It could have been hours, minutes, or scant instants. The child knew not. All he knew was that he had to keep moving, even though he no longer remembered why.
His foot caught on a wire, his stumbling lurch interrupted, dropping him face first to the ash covered floor.
He looked to the sky, he could see the clouds parting, feel rain begin to pitter-patter to the ground. Slowly and steadily putting out the torrid flames. He raised a hand to the heavens, thinking he could maybe reach the skies. Or maybe, making one last statement, one last defiant exclamation, here he lied, here he died. The hand fell, the darkness on the edge of his vision rushing forward, claiming all he could see.
He was promptly shocked fully awake as he felt a size 12 combat boot step unto his privates, eliciting an agonized mewl from him.
“What tha’?” Said the man eloquently as he stepped back and investigated what had made the pathetic sound. The child opened his eyes and looked to the man that had caused him such pain, adding insult to the plethora of injuries he was feeling.
He was dressed in combat boots, khaki cargo shorts, a completely unbuttoned neon-green Hawaiian t-shirt with a sleeveless white undershirt, strangely enough, he had a stuffed green parrot hanging on his left shoulder. The child could not see the man’s eyes, for he was wearing a pair of aviator shades, he sported one incredibly rugged beard and had his grey hair in a Mohawk. Supported on his right shoulder was what a gun-aficionado would recognize as a fully automatic AA-12 combat shotgun with a drum magazine.
At the moment, his features displayed outmost shock, his eyebrows having climbed almost to his hairline as his mouth was open in a perfect ‘o’. He lowered himself to his knees, laying the shotgun down beside him on the ground. He stretched his trembling hands to the red-headed child in front of him, and in a chocked voice filled to the brim with emotion, said four words.
“Charlie? Is that you?”
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The blue clothed Lancer rushed through the streets. To think he had to abandon a good fight simply because he had been seen. Sure he did not get to go all out thanks to his piece-of-worthless-shit Master, but a good fight was a good fight nonetheless. And now he would be forced to kill some random schmuck because he had been at the wrong place at the wrong time.
Still, Lancer looked forward to the next time he saw that pretentious Archer. Lancer was going to have himself a good fight.
Lancer found the house he needed. A run-down western style building that was like a weeping sore in an otherwise pristine neighborhood. Not one to be deterred by the unkempt lawn or the small forest of pink colored plastic birds adorning it. He reached the nearly-falling-off-its-rusted-hinges door, kicked it down without preamble and shot inside. Hopefully he would be able to off the poor schmuck without trouble, he’d even do him the kindness of killing him quickly and painlessly.
Cu Chulainn had seen a lot in his time. Gods and gods. Wars and skirmishes. He had been from one corner of his homeland to the other, stealing hearts and wives. He had singlehandedly killed entire armies and fought his own son to the death. Hell, he’d chained himself to a tree so he would die standing after being tricked and betrayed. It would normally be safe to say that there is not much in the world that would throw him for a loop.
But when he saw his red-headed prey sitting in a lawn chair in the middle of the living room with a dead parrot sitting on one of the arm rests, inhaling from a bong that was in fact bigger than he himself was, while staring at a wall painted to look like a barren field with swords sticking out of the ground and holding the hand of what looked to be an artificial woman (‘blow-up doll’ he was promptly informed by his connection to the grail). He could not help but take a moment and simply stare.
“You know Rupert, Lucy. You guys have been great t’ me.” Said the redhead as he took another deep inhale of whatever thing was in that enormous bong. “Ever since my old man died…you guys have been keepin’ me company. Not only that but you never ask for a hit! Cause you two know how much I love this shit! Not at all like what we had back in that rolling fart business.”
Lancer could not help it, his sheer shock at what he witnessed exploded out of him before he properly formulated a thought. “W-What?”
Upon hearing the whispered exclamation, the redhead jumped out of his chair and labeled a weapon at Lancer’s face (‘Shotgun’ provided the Grail). “Who ta’ ruddy hell are you and what do you want with ma flamingos!”
“F-Flamingos?” Asked Lancer incredulously before the image of a large pink bird popped into his mind.
“I didn’t ask you sunshine I asked him!” Screamed the redhead as he brandished the shotgun to the empty space to Lancer’s right, he then narrowed his eyes at it. “You better start talking buddy, or I’ma kill your twin brother here!”
“Dammit look kid I’m here to kill you.” Said Lancer, hefting Gae Bolg as he prepared to quickly accomplish his duty. “No hard feelings right?”
The redhead stared long and hard at Lancer before speaking. “Cu?” Asked the redhead softly.
To say Lancer was shocked would be the understatement of a lifetime. “H-How the hell do you know my name!?” Managed to choke out the Servant, this kid had to die.
The redhead snorted. “I’d recognize that Gay Bulge anywhere! I took classes on Irish mythology back ‘afore when I lived in the Sta-”
“ITS NOT GAY BULGE!”
“-ead up on motors so I could make a scooter and get back to me hometown he-“
“You did what!?”
“Not to mention the pesky pigeons!”
Lancer dropped his face unto his palms. “Look kid…I’m sorry, I’m out of time. I gotta kill ya. Ok?”
The redhead smiled. “Well color me confused but I seem to recall that an Irishman cannot refuse hospitality eh?”
X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X
“Archer.” Said Rin Tohsaka as her left eyebrow twitched erratically. “What exactly am I looking at?”
The red-clothed Servant stared long and hard at the sight before them.
Splayed before them were the redhead that had interrupted their fight, an apparently used blow-up doll, a flying stuffed parrot that spat glowing runes, several swords and spears, shotguns, pistols, countless bottles of all types of alcohol, the largest bong in existence, and Lancer lying on the floor spread edged.
“Duuuuuuude!” Said Lancer, his pupils completely dilated. “I can see music! And dolphins! And a big dragon and stuff!”
The redhead took another hit off the bong. “Dude that’s nothing man! You should see your armor right about now! It’s got this ice-fire thing goin! Cause, blue is a cold color right!? But because of all you’ve been smoking it took up fire! And its all ice-fire now man! Its awesome!”
Lancer looked at himself. “Shit me man dude! You’re right! And…hey where is my gay bulge!”
“You stuck it in Lucy and she fukken loved it!”
“Good times! Hey Rupert! Bring me another scotch!” The flying stuffed parrot dive bombed into the kitchen. The sounds of glass bottles smashing together could be heard moments later.
Archer finally answered his Master’s query. “I-I don’t know.”
Before Rin could say anything else the redhead shot to his feet. “I know what must be done! It’s like I can see through the eyes of all of the me’s across the multiverse! A wasteland of swords awaits me after I do what I can to uphold the impossible and am betrayed by it! Eventually becoming naught but a broken thing, the world’s executioner and puppet! I must go back in time and kill myself in order to prevent this!”
Archer stepped back with surprise etched across his face.
Lancer began to giggle, the strength of his merriment sending the Heroic Spirit to the floor. “Dude you’re so fucking high!”
The redhead looked at Lancer with an expression that screamed murder was about to be done, before he broke out into booming laughter, collapsed to his knees, and fell on top of the Servant. “Dude you’re totally right!”
Rin planted her face on her palms. “Archer…let’s…let’s just go. My brain hurts.” She turned and walked away without checking if he would comply.
Shell-shocked, Archer followed his Master back home.
Rupert dropped a fat tome on the redhead’s face. He opened it up and began to flip through it.
“Duuuude!” Said the redhead. “I gots the best idea in the history of ever!”
He then rushed out the door on his heelies.
X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X
Kirei Kotomine turned at the sound of the opening door. Lancer had finally returned from his latest scouting mission. He could not fathom why, but every time he had attempted to look through his Servant’s eyes colors had been floating about in a dizzying manner.
Kirei saw that it was not Lancer who had come back, but a redheaded young man in a Hawaiian t-shirt colored a bright red wandering in on combat boots with skates of all things on their heels. He was quite surprised when fifty 12-gauge shells were pumped into his body at a speed of 300 rounds per minute. He could have sworn the young man’s hands had been empty.
“MY NAME. IS. CHARLES! AND I WANNA KNOW WHERE YE MUCKLE DARN MAGI BE KEEPING ME HOLY GRAIL!”
Last edited by Santo; September 10th, 2012 at 02:02 PM.
I don't... I'm not, I can't -
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAahAHhaHAhahaahahaha-aaaaaahhhh~AHAHAHA-AAAAAAAAAHHH... huuuuuuurk -
Can't breathe properly...
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahaahahahaahahahahaahahahahaaaaaaaaa-ha!...
*flops down dead on the floor*
*writes with blood*
Legendary, bro. <3
P.S.: Remind me to finish reading about OMH's exploits some time.
*erects tombstone*
...
*Writes epitaph*
"Here lies Faith. Lovecraftian abomination. Good underling. Better man.
The world is a little less without him in it, for a man unafraid to tell you what he thinks is a blessing indeed.
...
PS: You should really finish reading through OMH's exploits, they are awesome."
^(TTwTT)
...I'm lost.
Santo, hand me a map. =n=
F/GO SUPPORT
Go to the page the link provided and read through the first part of the article.
'Tis is the closest thing to guidance you will have from this madness.
I just read that modern epic and it made my week!
Teasing the Penguin God!
YoLF shall be missed.
His comp shall be taken.
*goes to do the deed*
There's a fine line between genius and madness. The only trouble is finding where Shriou Henderson fits....
Good times. (n,n)
Corpse starch is good starch.
The answer to your question is obviously.
No.
Yay?
Convenient Spoilering Is Convenient
I've got a published book!
Please go and give it a read!
http://www.jukepopserials.com/home/read/767
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