My previous dare still stands: Make a Rider Christopher Columbus, with at least Noble Phantasms or skills relating to the "discovery" and impending conquest of the New World and the beginning of the Black Legend of Spain in particular.
^
Mochi isn't made with rice? News to me.
AKA yes it is.
My Fanfics. Read 'em. Or not.McJon01: We all know that the real reason Archer would lose to Rider is because the events of his own Holy Grail War left him with a particular weakness toward "older sister" types.
No.Originally Posted by ItsaRandomUsername
He would have his single NP, called "India." It would designate any one target as an "Indian" no matter who they actually are or where they're actually from. He would declare himself as having "discovered" them and so would in addition rewrite one of their personal skills because it's his name in the history books, baby, aww yeah.
Columbus himself would have a personal skill giving him high bonuses to fighting uncivilized savages... which would be anyone he decided to hit with his NP.
He would basically be St. George, except racist.
<NEW FIC!> Revolution #9: Somewhere out there, there's a universe in which your mistakes and failures never happened, and all you wished for is true. How hard would you fight to make that real?
[11:20:46 AM] GlowStiks: lucina is supes attractive
[12:40] Lace: lucina is amazing
[12:40] Neir: lucina is pretty much flawless
Oh. Right. So mochi IS made of rice! I KNEW IT! My moon rabbit joke stands!
And it's not exactly Christopher Columbus, but I do have an advanced concept for a Rider Vasco Da Gama. With an interesting gimmick that defines him as a Heroic Spirit.
Haven't written it yet though.
"Rising Sun", and make this the face claim:
Unexpected double Musashis was pretty cool, lol. It was fated for Niten Ichi. I was sitting on mine for awhile because I'm still not happy with it, but I'm happy if others liked it, lol.
I do like that yours took into account how he'd match up with Kojiro himself though - I didn't give that as much thought, save that the Subversive Activities/Eye of the Mind combo could let him create and exploit an opening like Saber did (but on purpose). Mine's more of a cheater really, lol.
Mm. A B might be warranted, yeah. I'd gone with A by default because Knight of Honor was an A++ and this was a more "limited" version of it, since he doesn't get to actually keep the effect of NP swords he grabs unless they're of higher rank than his own. So I wanted the rank to be high enough that the swords who can overwrite Niten Ichi are the big guns only. But I suppose B rank is still enough to accomplish that goal.
The NP is partly a desire for him to be able to do cool things like Lancelot did with others' NP but also stuff like being able to cut through anything with like, even a wooden branch, lol.
Overall I think we both took a side of Musashi,but like taking one of the blades out of Niten Ichi, both are fated to be drawn simultaneously ;P
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Anyways, I know Grendel's been done already, but I had an idea for him that refused to leave me be. I took a leaf out of Nasu's book and took a 'monster', and made him tragic, just like Medusa. Enjoy.
Assassin- Grendel
Also Known As: The Pathetic One-Armed Wretch
Master: Erika Schulz von Einzbern
Alignment: Chaotic Neutral-Evil
Height/Weight: 6'07", 144 lbs.
Likes: Peace and Quiet, Serenity
Dislikes: Himself, Hatred
Talents: Babbling Incoherently
Str: B+
End: D
Agl: A
Mana: D
Lck: C
Class Skills
Presence Concealment A~ Able to remain undetected for as long as one wishes, so long as no move is made to attack.
Personal Skills
Monstrous Strength A~ Effectively able to double one's strength so long as the skill is utilized, but at the cost of one's own sanity, degrading into evil and turning into the demonic entity he loathes becoming.
Disengage B~ Able to easily escape combat, resetting conditions to normal, as well as granting an intense burst of speed with which to escape.
Battle Continuation C~ One can survive seemingly fatal wounds for a time, able to retreat with such injuries, but without treatment one will succumb to the injury regardless.
Demon-Kin B~ Represents one's closeness to Demonkind. Grendel is the spawn of a witch and a demon, thus he is half-blooded. This applies Mental Pollution of two ranks lower as well, in addition to altering physiology; granting claws, and elongating arms and legs, also granting unnatural strength, but driving one to evil tendencies without their intention.
Mental Pollution D-A~ Able to stave off a few mental hindrances at the cost of having an obsessive paranoia, and constant fear of irrational tortures and punishment. Saves against fascination and the like gain a bonus, but success merely degrades his mental faculties further. The Mental pollution will increase as the War goes on, at greater speed whenever he utilizes either of his Noble Phantasms or his Monstrous Strength.
Phantom Limb~The True Enemy is You
Grendel, when summoned has no left arm, as his legend has it torn off by the hero Grendel. His Mental Pollution gives him the delusion its still there, and this Noble Phantasm proves it may be more true than most believe... There is merely a scar over the left shoulder, but, if Grendel were to 'actualize' his limb, which is done by generating prana into 'it', a hazy, grossly exaggerated and enlongated limb, bent multiple times and clawed, will appear as a wraith-like apparition. This arm does no actual damage, but 'touches' from this ghost arm will cause an intense psychological disturbance. Those who do not have Bravery or Magic Resistance of equal or higher rank than this Phantasm will suddenly possess the irrational, highly realistic illusion that they are in battle with a foe far greater than they(representing Beowulf), and will suffer grievous wounds in their 'fight' with this foe. No actual wounds will occur, but the fight generally leads them away from Grendel, or seems to hold them in place as they are 'pinned' by a more powerful foe. During their fictional, illusory battle, they will be unable to see Grendel, and thus he can attack them, and they may believe the illusion is indeed real. Grendel can't see what they're seeing, thus an intelligent servant may be able to figure out the damage is in different places than their 'wounds'. Those who discover the whole thing is false will be freed of its effects. Those that don't... will die in a battle they can't possibly win.
...However, when this Phantasm is not being used offensively, it torments Grendel with false bouts of pain where the arm should be, and it assists in deteriorating his mental health.
C-Rank, Anti-Unit/Anti-Unit(Self)
Range:1-4Maximum Targets: 1
Sobs of the Wounded Wretch~ The Wretch's Endless Agony
Grendel spent his last moments pathetically weeping, tormented by shades that simply drained his soul away unto death. If Grendel were to weep, which is rather simple given his weak constitution and mental instability, it will summon ghastly shades, black, hazy outlines of tormentors who neither speak nor actually attack. These shades will flock to whomever has the highest Mana, and will then torment with whispers only the victim will understand, the shades delving into their darkest memories for words of torment. If none have higher Mana than Grendel, they may even turn on their summoner. If he halts weeping, they vanish. However, such fear is not restricted to him. Those who suffer their fear, and do not possess Bravery, have a 25% chance of becoming 'Infected' by this Phantasm, meaning the shades may appear intermittently to them, in dreams, or in hallucinations, slowly draining their prana and vitality until they perish. Slaying Grendel or receiving serious aid, whether magical or psychological, will end the Infection. Many unfortunate souls may be found 'Infected' with this, usually bystanders, commoners, who will grow ever more hateful as their passion and vitality is drained by imaginary fears, torments of past evils, and a growing hate towards those who aren't like them, turning many of them into bleary-eyed balls of hatred that have been drained of all love or compassion bye these wraiths.
?- Rank, Anti-Army
Range:?Maximum Targets: ???
Personality:
Grendel has a tendency for violence, not by intention, as he does not truly wish to harm anyone, but can become quickly cruel due to Demonic heritage. Never having known love in life, he is hateful towards it, and the only emotions he can fully comprehend is anger and vengeance. Deep within his soul is still an innocence, if anyone ever took the time to help Grendel. He was a tool to his Mother and he sees himself as that now. His Master doesn't help matters, as she suffers a condition much similar to his own. Perhaps the only humanity left is his protective nature of the traumatized homunculus. Lacking his own left arm greatly damages his psyche, and over the course of the war both he and his Master will descend further and further into madness. Unlike most Mental Pollutions, Grendel still has a chance of being helped. Though his Phantasms will worsen his condition, is someone steps up, comforts him, and attempts to help, his condition may improve. Honestly all he needs is a friend, and some compassion shown to him. Besides Anger, he often shows great grief after periods of rage, but he can never understand why, and he knows not the words for 'guilt'.
If even Grendel's fears could be understood, that time is long gone. with irrationalities that transcend even the most damaged of reasoning, he will be terrified of most anything new he encounters. It is not Culture Shock so much as it is fear of the unknown. He knows of it, but does not know if it's a threat. Even he doesn't understand the paranoia, but it's there, and it persists unless someone aids him.
Appearance: Wearing nothing when summoned, he tears down a grey curtain from the Einzbern mansion and uses it as a wrap. It is very shredded at this point. His hands have longer fingers than normal, with claws tipping them. He is a sickly thin person, bony, with long arms and legs, and pale skin. His eyes are a mysterious dull gold, with cat-like pupils. His hair is the epitome of feral, with black locks of random lengths in random tangles upon his head, draping greasily all across his head, neck, and some reaching his back. Lacking a left arm, he's become quite dextrous with his right, and it retains unnatural demonic power due to his conception. His teeth are all jagged, thus his smiles look very predatory. He hunches alot, concealing his rather impressive height. Grendel is far too light and underfed considering his height, but he hardly pays it any attention, though he is known to eat any and everything put in front of him.
Bio:
Grendel's mother was a witch, banished for practicing Black Magics on children. Her name was erased from all records for these crimes, and she was long forgot when Hrothgar became king. She remained alive due to supernatural power, and summoned a demon to lie with her and allow her to bear a son, who she never named. Grendel was given to him by the Geats. The child, unnaturally strong, fast, but possessing a strong evil within him, grew fast, but was given neither love nor proper sustenance, his Mother being afraid that letting him get too strong would make him turn on her. Being a wild child, she sent him away at a young age, and he fended for himself in the wilds, staving off hunger far better than any normal mortal.
One day, while scraping for rabbits, he saw a bright. golden light in the darkness, and as he approached such enchanting beauty, heard voices in song. Fearful of what it was, he waited till the lights went out, then snuck in to see what it was...
Food. Food everywhere. Sleeping men, drunken with ale and filled to the brim.
He noisily scarfed at the scraps, which awoke one of the men. Hungover and frightened by the presence in the dark, he raised his spear. In a panic at the glint of steel, Grendel killed the man, and his screams awoke the others. Four were dead before the torches were lit, and then he was gone. Knowing not what to do with the dead soldiers, he ate them, and then fell to the ground and wept for many hours. Grendel felt an emotion he could not describe, the emotion of guilt. Despite his sorrow, his demonic side had tasted man-flesh, and it wanted more. It drove him to return many times over, slaughtering many.
Finally, he was stopped by a mighty warrior Beowulf, who tore the arm off the wretch, who fled into the night, returning to his mother, who banished him to the farthest corner of the cave. For days, he was tormented by shades who whispered nasty things to him, and on his dying day, he witnessed his dreadful mother die at the might of Beowulf, much like he would. Silently he was thankful for what had been done to his Mother, but still he was hateful.
Hateful he had to die.
Hateful at the shades.
Hateful at the world.
Hateful at Hate itself.
With his dying breath he cursed the very world.
His soul was transferred to the throne, and he waited for centuries.
He heard a cry, a dreadful, sorrow-filled chant, that resonated with his own agony. He followed the voice through the darkness, and found himself in a body of flesh, greatly empowered, standing before a weeping, pale girl. Immediately, without thinking, he killed all those around her, the smiling men cruelly looking upon her, before scooping up the girl and taking her into the night air...
His wish is for inner peace. He hates his own hate. He doesn't want to hate anymore.
Last edited by The Big Cheese; September 11th, 2013 at 10:00 PM.
First of all, see some typos, like "as his legend has it torn off by the hero Grendel." as one that really sticks out.
Second, why in gods name does he qualify for Assassin. That makes absolutely no sense at all.
Third, give the second NP a rank, does not have to be good, it just needs a rank.
Finally, there is no NP there that is actually representative of his Legend as the monster Grendel, instead you gave him two NP that are vague and unrecognizable as anything important from his legend. NPs should be a symbol of the heroic spirit, something that is a representation of them as a Heroic Spirit or legend.
Last edited by Knick; September 11th, 2013 at 10:32 PM.
Neither does Medusa but look at her.
Assassins are cowardly killers who hide in darkness... just like Grendel.
As for the typos, I'll get to fixing those.
Everything about Medusa's quirkiness makes a lot more sense when you realize that she's just genderbent Perseus.
I always thought Medusa's NPs made a lot of sense with her legend. The only difficult one to explain from the legends I've seen is Bellerophon but that's sort of paired with the pegasus and the pegasus makes a lot of sense with her legend. It's sort of hard to give Medusa NPs without it being obvious who she is and also the ones given fit well into the mythology and existing Nasuverse magical systems.
Basically, Nasuverse logic was the whole basis behind this rendition.
You don't have to like it, trust me I don't really like it either, but it was an idea I had to let out.
Lancer
TrueName: Publius Quinctilius Varus
Gender:Male
Alignment:Lawful Evil
Stats:
Strength: B
Endurance: C
Agility: B
Mana: C
Luck: E
Noble Phantasm: B
Class Skills:
Magic Resistance: C +
To aid in the subjugation of Germania, Lancer was well-educated on the Runic and Druidic arts. While incapable of utilizing it himself, Lancer can reroll whenever he tries to identify magecraft of such and similar heritage, including those that descended from them, and uses the better result. Should he be successful, he can disrupt the casting immediately- the prana spent by the caster dissipating into the air.
Battle Continuation: C
At this rank, Lancer receives a certain amount of “phantom” HP at the start of each battle, roughly equivalent to ¼ of his total HP. Damage dealt is not shown until the “phantom” HP is depleted.
Personal Skills:
Charisma : D
A rank barely worthy of Rome's esteemed Senator and Legate. While a shrewd politicians, Lancer never earned the adoration of the people under his command, neither the plebeians nor his own legionnaires. His actual Rank in this skill is C, but ill events such as Judea altercation and Arminius' betrayal colors his legend, causing a rank-down.
Imperialist : A
At this rank, Lancer is nearly consumed by hate towards people he regards as lesser, which conveniently is everyone of different races, belief or lower social strata to his Master. Damage dealt to them is increased, and they must make a save against Intimidation effect, effective rank (C-A), dependant on whether they fits any or all categories. The drawback against this skill is that Lancer must be kept in check at all time, else he might attack or otherwise aggravate such people. The Charisma skill and Lancer's professionalism helps to ameliorate the effects somewhat, but the Master must beware that Lancer not lost control of his emotion, such as in heated battle, or under mental compulsion effects.
Noble Phantasm:
Arminius – Trust's Folly
Anti-Army
Rank: B
A curse, the crystallization of Lancer's legend of being subject to many “betrayals” in his lifetime, culminating in his death at the hand of a prince. Materializing as a hazy, barely perceptible miasma surrounding Lancer. Anyone that breathed the intangible aroma, even Lancer's own Master and their allies, is subject to its effect. This insidious NP's effect is thrice-fold. Firstly, whatever damage dealt against one's own allies become unhealable, and the first attack made against one's own allies become unblockable. Secondly, the first effect is subconsciously known to all those afflicted. Thirdly, whatever seeds of doubt in one's trustworthy as an ally is nursed rapidly, growing quickly from normal caution to full blown paranoia.
!^X***u&$-RrO6ba?b=%=+M7)mfmf1QP((m9k
//
???????????????
Anti-Unit
Rank: ?
Lancer's most well known legend being his disastrous defeat at the Teutoburg forest and Caesar's anguished utterances, the Grail supplies a miracle to accommodate the story. Upon invoking “Quintili Vare, legiones redde!”, after Lancer's death, and with 5 command spells as payments, the invoker gains Lancer's parameters, skills, knowledge and NP to supplement his own. This can be done by any who possesses a command seal. This effect stacks, and can be done multiple times. The Master that invokes this effect is deposited in the Grail upon their death, however, and can causes the grail to become supersaturated, which would leads to teRRa^gxdQWr@$6faknegtheW0rLDka10oO1v1>3la
//
Explain the bugtext.
No.....
Rather....
Before that....
....please explain the whole concept behind this!!! O.o
I don't know. That sounds like a pretty accurate description to me.and can causes the grail to become supersaturated, which would leads to teRRa^gxdQWr@$6faknegtheW0rLDka10oO1v1>3la
I kinda want to make Dr. Frankenstein after seeing Berserker of Black... but I'm not at all sure how to make a Noble Phantasm for him that doesn't involve blandly summoning his creation.
Seeing as how it's a relatively young legend, and the monster is more well known than the creator, he probably won't have great stats anyway. Maybe one that involves creating life/homonculi? That's the main "point" to his legend, other than running around Europe.
Linger: Complete. August, 1995. I met him. A branch off Part 3. Mikiya keeps his promise to meet Azaka, and meets again with that mysterious girl he once found in the rain.
Shinkai: Set in the Edo period. DHO-centric. As mysterious figures gather in the city, a young woman unearths the dark secrets of the Asakami family.
The Dollkeeper: A Fate side-story. The memoirs of the last tuner of the Einzberns. A record of the end of a family.
Overcount 2030: Extra x Notes. A girl with no memories is found by a nameless soldier, and wakes up to a world of war.
Ability to make a patchwork Servant of his own out of the severed pieces of other defeated Servants. :V
Ability to summon Frankenstein and equip her with new abilities from her defeated opponents.
Whenever she switches to a new weapon her dress changes color. :V
Dr. Frankenstein as the original Dr. Light? Nice.
F/GO SUPPORT
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