Create-A-Servant 2

[Bird of Hermes]

I've always seen Morgana sheets as her older and evil witch version. Seeing this lily variant is really refreshing.

Nice job Gally.

[Historia]

[/CENTER]It's a little sparse. My main concern is that her Reality Marble is really vague and stupidly overpowered if I'm reading it right. Is it just big enough to fit Caster inside, or even smaller? I think if the powerlevel is going to stay the same, then the rank should be much higher than D+ as long as you mention how she's using it for pacifistic reasons.

When I say sphere, think of the movie of the same name. It's about that big and similar in appearance. Inside, it's basically her own personal Avalon. Or better yet, the inside is like the virtual world in Shelter.

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"Human Imagination" is the key phrase here, I believe.

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I've always seen Morgana sheets as her older and evil witch version. Seeing this lily variant is really refreshing.

I plan to do Lily-III and her final, adult version at some point. Probably soon.

[Bird of Hermes]

I plan to do Lily-III and her final, adult version at some point. Probably soon.

I look forward to reading them. You've inspired me to re-do my old Uther sheet from why back when at some point. May either remake him entirely or put him in a new class as well to boot.

[Historia]

Oh, and, forgot to mention:

[/CENTER]I think if the powerlevel is going to stay the same, then the rank should be much higher than D+ as long as you mention how she's using it for pacifistic reasons.

It's a progression. I'm basing the rank on who she is, rather than the overall powerlevel(?) of the Noble Phantasm. As she is now, she's in the 'rebellious teenager' phase. It's useless outside of serving as a truly secluded place where she can mope.

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I'll add that in sometime in the future, too lazy at the moment.

[Ail Don]

Oh, and, forgot to mention:



It's a progression. I'm basing the rank on who she is, rather than the overall powerlevel(?) of the Noble Phantasm. As she is now, she's in the 'rebellious teenager' phase. It's useless outside of serving as a truly secluded place where she can mope.

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I'll add that in sometime in the future, too lazy at the moment.

That makes a lot more sense, cool. Maybe as her future self it'll conflate with the actual Avalon, seeing as how she stole it.

[RoydGolden]

Ail Don: I really like that Lawrence Of Arabia sheet. Easily the best you've written so far, I'd reckon. I like how his NPs essentially all work in congruence with one another and particularly how you managed to work in a quote of his into Wilderness Of Zin. Nice job!

[Alexcoene]

So Royd, I'd hate to sound a bit repetetive, bu what doy you think of my St Nicholas sheet? I'm especially interested by your feedback since you've already done a Santa sheet.

[RoydGolden]

So Royd, I'd hate to sound a bit repetetive, bu what doy you think of my St Nicholas sheet? I'm especially interested by your feedback since you've already done a Santa sheet.

It's okay. Believe me, I'm the last person with any right to criticize repeated asking for feedback...

St. Nick's pretty good. You more went with Nicholas as a (semi-)historical figure, whereas mine was the idea of 'Santa Claus' in popular culture. I agree with Ail that Discernment Of The Poor might fit a bit better then Pure Eyes for what you have in mind, though I suppose it depends whether you want a literal magic 'morality sensor' or just a general ability to discern good and evil motives attained through experience.

[Alexcoene]

It's okay. Believe me, I'm the last person with any right to criticize repeated asking for feedback...

St. Nick's pretty good. You more went with Nicholas as a (semi-)historical figure, whereas mine was the idea of 'Santa Claus' in popular culture. I agree with Ail that Discernment Of The Poor might fit a bit better then Pure Eyes for what you have in mind, though I suppose it depends whether you want a literal magic 'morality sensor' or just a general ability to discern good and evil motives attained through experience.

I had the more magical sense idea in mind, so I think I'm going to keep Pure Eyes

[WhatShouldNotBe]

I feel really disappointed that there hasn't been a Yakov Pavlov sheet before. He needs some love.

FACECLAIM

True Name: Vasily Pavlov
Alignment: Lawful Good
Class: Caster[Suprise!]


Parameters:
Strength: D
Agility: D
Endurance: A
Mana: D
Luck: A
NP: A+
Class Skills:
Item Creation: D
Only capable of creating infantry weapons of war of the soviet union.
Territory Creation: A
In life, he was known for creating a fortress out of an ordinary apartment building.
Skills:
Battle Continuation: A
He was known for continuing to fight against an army for days, dooming the German Army to defeat.
Battle Tactics: A+
He was able to use a small group of men to hold off the entire German Army, with extremely limited supplies and equipment.
Eye of the Mind[False]: A
He was able to intuit the correct method to hold off each wave of German attacks.
Bravery: C
He and his men fought for days, never even considering surrender.
NP: Pavlov’s House: A++
He turns a building into a fortress , summoning forth heroic spirits with E-ranked stats , the wraiths of his fellow soldiers who held the House with him. Any allies within the house gain the skills required to assist in the defence. It is able to resist almost any assault, as the equipment made by Pavlov becomes low-ranked Noble Phantasms within the walls of the fortress. These Phantasms range from E-B in rank. However, the most potent ability of this noble phantasm is it's ability to reduce the rank of Anti-Army Noble Phantasms used against it by two ranks, as it's legend has a strong Anti-Army connotation.

Info

In life, Pavlov was a simple officer of a small group of Soviet soldiers sent to capture an apartment building, delaying the advance of the German army. Over the course of days, he and his men managed to turn it into a fortress that resisted any attack. Even when a brigade of Panzer tanks were sent to destroy the building, he and his men destroyed the tanks with clever use of anti-tank rifles and positioning.

He was made a Soviet Hero for his efforts, and died peacefully after the war.

Also, my first sheet, so don't kill me too much.

[RoydGolden]

Never heard of this guy before. While sparse, the sheet isn't bad for a first try though some parts definitely need serious nerfing. Territory Creation (A) for being able to make a 'Fortress' is fair enough, but Battle Continuation and Army Tactics (I presume you meant Military?) definitely need to be lowered by one or two rankings at least.

In fact, going by the (admittedly brief) lore given I'm not really sure he should have Battle Continuation at all. That Skill is for heroes that kept up combat through severe injuries, not just in fighting for long periods of time as your description seems to imply. If you really want a Skill for that, I'd recommend making an original one rather then shoehorning an existing Skill that doesn't quite fit. (You could call it 'Unrelenting Spirit' or what have you)

Endurance- A for such a modern hero is also way overblown, though the rest of his stats are fairly reasonable. Still very high for a Caster but since he was a soldier in life and there already is a precedent for 'close-combat Casters' like Geronimo I'd say fair enough. I'd still maybe lower Luck by one rank as well, since while defending an apartment building from an entire army is a pretty impressive feat I wouldn't say it warrants an ability to 'defy fate' higher then Heracles or Arturia.

His NP isn't bad, a little generic with the wraith-summoning but the other aspects make it more interesting. The rank is obscene, though. There's simply no way an apartment building defended by some guy should be at the same level as a holy sword of the planet forged from all mankind's hopes and dreams. Lower it to B or C (with possible + modifiers) and we're set.

Apologies if this is a harsh welcome but without feedback there's no way anybody can get better. In any case, welcome to the forum WhatShouldNotBe!

[DecieverSupreme]

True Name: Grand Duchess Anastasia Nikolaevna

This Servant reminded me of Scamandros from the last thread, so I imagined their masters agreeing to an alliance, giving her the opportunity to toy with Scamandros's mind and push him further towards his dark side.

Has anyone else thought of how certain CAS servants would interact with each other? There's probably another thread for this and I don't know because I don't come here often.

As for the sheet itself, love that Noble Phantasm. The clinical language masks something really horrid, and your characterization of Caster as being quietly disturbed is fascinating in the worst way, especially given her history.

[Constructman]

Archer
Saviour and King of the Trojan Diaspora

Class: Archer
Place of Origin: Italy
Alignment: Chaotic Good
Attribute: Earth

Faceclaim

Parameters:
Strength: C
Endurance: B
Agility: B
Magic: D
Luck: A-
Noble Phantasm: B

Class Skills:

• Magic Resistance C
  Cancel spells with a chant below two verses
• Independent Action A
  It is possible for a Servant to stay in the world without a Master indefinitely if they take care to conserve their Mana.

Personal Skills:

• Riding C
  One can flawlessly ride animals and vehicles that received a proper training and adjustment.
• Affections of the Goddess D
  The blessing of the goddess Diana, who showed Archer the way to his destined land. Agility and Luck are Ranked-Up.
• Charisma B
  The natural talent to command an army and a country. Archer’s rank B is fitting for a king.
• Journey of Flowers B
  A blessing towards the youth who became the saviour of the scattered Trojan people and the founder of a great nation. His traveling is filled with hope, making the hearts of those who fight along him more proactive.

Equipment:

• One-handed sword of Greek design
• A horse that doesn’t qualify as a Noble Phantasm

Noble Phantasm:

Spoiler:

Brutus Invictus: Cursed bow that slew my father and secured my glory
Anti-unit, B
The hunting bow of Archer, which through the twists of fate fired the arrow that slew his father. Despite the painful associations with the act of patricide and the subsequent banishment, Archer kept it by his side in his travels as it also signified the victorious future that lay ahead of him. As it was foretold before his birth, he would be a man “who would kill his father and mother, and after travelling over many countries in banishment, would at last arrive at the highest pitch of glory”.

When using the bow, all parameters are treated as Ranked-Up. As well, if the True Name of the bow is released, the arrows fired from it will be coated in magical energy - not enough to gain the classification of Anti-Fortress, but enough that most personal defense will crumble upon contact. However, once the first shot is fired, it is guaranteed that before the end of the war, one arrow will take the life of a trusted ally or beloved friend. Nothing can change this doom once the bow of victory is called upon.

Lore:

Spoiler:

Archer’s true identity is Brutus of Troy. A descendent of the Trojan hero Aeneas, it was prophesied before his birth that he would kill both of his parents before rising to the highest glory. This prophecy would come true, as his mother died in childbirth, while his father was killed during a hunting trip by brutus’s own arrow. Exiled from Italy at the age of 15, Brutus traveled to Greece and ingratiated himself with a group of enslaved Trojans - his relatives by his great-grandfather Aeneas. Distinguishing himself in battle and policy, Trojans from all over Greece began flocking to him, holding him up as the saviour of their people. When his power grew great enough, he raised an armed rebellion against Pandrasus, the Greek king who had enslaved the majority of the Trojan people. Eventually, Pandrasus was taken hostage, and Brutus promised him his life in exchange for the release of all the people of Troy.

Setting sail for parts unknown after his victory, Brutus and those Trojans who had chosen to accompany him washed up on the island of Leogecia. Praying to the goddess Diana, he was given a vision of an island to the north, in which “... fate decrees to raise a second Troy / And found an empire in thy royal line / Which time shall ne’er destroy, nor bounds confine.”

Of course, Brutus and his men just had to mess up their navigation, so a detour along the coast of Africa was made before until they stumbled into the Tyrrhenian Sea. Another group of banished Trojans, lead by Corineus, was discovered and absorbed into their ranks. From there, the Trojans traveled into Gaul, where they came into conflict with the kingdom of Aquitaine. Despite winning victory after victory, it was recognized that the Gauls had the advantage of numbers, so the Trojans fled for their destined land - Albion.

Landing on the coast of Totnes, with absolutely no opposition, Brutus and his men began setting up civilization. The ground was tilled and settlements were built at such a rapid rate that in a few short months, the place looked as if it had been inhabited for a thousand years. At this time, Brutus made an important decision. After having come so far, it would be unfit to call themselves Trojans any longer. Troy was long destroyed, after all. So in what some would call a whim of self-indulgent vanity, Brutus gave a new name to his people: Britons. And to the land they walked upon, he also named after his own person: Britain. This didn’t exactly sit well with Corineus, who claimed a territory of his own, naming it Corinea and the people that dwelt within Corineans. Still, relations between the two were still amicable, as they had a much bigger problem to worry about.

That bigger problem was when the giant inhabitants of the newly christened island challenged the human invaders. During a sacrifice to the gods, the Britons were ambushed by 21 giants; while at first it was a bloodbath, the Briton survivors banded together and turned the battle completely on its head, ending it in a near-total rout. However, Brutus demanded that the leader of the giants, Goemagot, be spared, for he knew that Corineus, always one for a fight, wished to wrestle the giant himself. And wrestle the two did, with their match ending with Goemagot being thrown into the sea.

With the giants exterminated, Brutus built his capital, Troia Nova - which would in his lifetime be renamed to Trinovantum, and then London - on the banks of the River Thames. And thus Brutus, once a callow youth from Italy, then the saviour of the Trojan people, and finally a roaming conqueror, became the first of the legendary Kings of Britain.

After his death, his sons Locrinus, Albanactus, and Kamber would split the country into three. However, his lineage would prove the dominant force in Britain until the deaths of his descendents Ferrex and Porrex, whereupon the kingship shifted to House Cornwall, the descendents of Corineus. Even after his line was extinguished, the Britons remained the rulers of the land until a massive plague forced them out of the isle, ceding their territory to the Saxons.

Personality:

Spoiler:

Bold, determined, and with a gaze always fixed towards the horizon, Archer is one who is seemingly dauntless. He wasn’t always this way; he was once just a boy wandering the world after being exiled from his homeland. But this Archer is in his prime, when he realized his true purpose: liberation of his people, and then conquest of a land for his people. Despite his Independent Action, betrayal is not a fear that the Master should hold in their heart, for Archer lives to serve his own and take them to new heights. Usurpation is a problem that the Master might face, however, as Archer’s own ego can sometimes get the better of him.

In battle, Archer is focused and headstrong, though not as ruthless as he should be. Not the most underhanded Archer to ever draw the bowstring back, he very much prefers direct combat - whether a direct charge or an ambush - to subterfuge, sabotage, and manipulation. He also might spare an enemy for personal reasons or for his own entertainment - while it worked out okay in life, it might prove to be his downfall here.

His wish to the Holy Grail? While at first he will insist he has none, for he had obtained all the glory he could wish for in life, he actually holds a wish: to have one last talk with the mother he never knew and the father that was slain by Archer’s own recklessness.

Miscellaneous:

Spoiler:

Likes: his people, glory
Dislikes: talk about his childhood
Talents: archery, raising morale of the troops
Natural Enemy: Corineus
Catayst: A specific mixture of soil taken from Rome, Troy, and London.
Notes: if asked about his ethnicity, Archer will at first insist that he is a Briton first and foremost. However, contact with other Welsh and Breton figures will lead him to reconsider; in fact, if facing off against another legendary Brittonic king, he will identify himself as a first a Trojan, then an Italian, and only last a Briton in order to alienate himself from them.

The lore for this Servant was taken from the Historia Regum Britanniae. I know it is far from historical, but given the existence of a historical Uther and Arthur Pendragon in the Fate series, I thought I’d simplify things and stick to one unified account of the kings of the Welsh and Bretons.

[RoydGolden]

Brutus: Given that pretty much his whole legend consisted of wandering from place to place, couldn't a higher rank in Independent Action be appropriate?

Also, his NP is kind of generic. Other then the curse aspect, there isn't really anything that ties in to Brutus' legend particularly or sets it apart from other magical bows. I'd recommend either coming up with a more interesting effect or giving him a secondary NP for extra flavor. (Something to do with his founding of Britain?)

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Also, in his Journey Of Flowers Skill (which I liked quite a bit BTW), the description for some reason refers to 'she' instead of he. An artifact of a later disgarded genderbend?

[Alexcoene]

@Brutus: I actually did a Brutus of Troy sheet not too long ago! It's pretty interesting to compare our two interpretation, particularly in regard of what skills whe gave him. I agree with Royd that he could use another NP. Maybe something based on the Brutus stone like mine?

[Historia]

Maybe something based on the Brutus stone like mine?

No.

[Alexcoene]

No.

Why not?

[Ail Don]

A quick meme while I work on something more serious. Pls no ban.

Class: Assassin
True Name: Charles Manson
Alias: Most Dangerous Man Alive
Alignment: Chaotic Evil
Origin: Current Event
Region: America





Parameters
Strength: D
Endurance: D
Agility: D
Mana: E
Luck: C
NP: C




Class Skills:


Espionage: (A+)
At this rank, as long as the user is not outed by his allies, it is incredibly difficult to discern any hostility from the user. However, the instant when Assassin attacks directly, this Skill loses its effects.


Personal Skills:


Charisma: (C++)
It was amazing how the patterns of his later life were evident right away. Six years old first grade he's talking the girls in his class into beating up boys he doesn't like. Then when the principal comes to ask Charlie, 'Why did you do that?' Charlie's response is, 'It wasn't me; they were doing what they wanted. You can't blame me for that.' The exact same defense he uses all those years later in the Tate-LaBianca trial.
Assassin's Charisma is of the listed rank when used on fellow Servants, but A+ when speaking to a magus or other human.


Protection of the Music God (False): (B)
A skill crystallizing Assassin's obsession with becoming famous by way of music. Charles Manson's ability to ingrain himself in any group whether they like it or not eventually lead him to Dennis Wilson of the Beach Boys, who would introduce him to the rest of the band. Charlie thought he had finally hit the big time, but there was just one problem. He was terrible at music. Always was and always will be. Therefore, Assassin's ability to differentiate sounds is of the represented rank, while the secondary effect of being able to recreate them is completely nulled.


Calculating Facade: (A)
"You know, a long time ago being crazy meant something. Now everybody's crazy."
In addition to being a master manipulator of people, Assassin is also a master manipulator of himself. Fooling people into believing he was generally insane for fun or as part of a court plea, this skill is composed of Transformation (D) and the effect of Uncrowned Arms Mastery (C).

Noble Phantasm

Helter Skelter
Revolution 9


Type: Anti-Army
Rank: C
Range: 20 people
Max. Target: Limitless


In the months leading up to the Tate/LaBianca murders in August 1969, Charles Manson often spoke to the members of his "Family" about Helter Skelter, an apocalyptic war arising from racial tensions between blacks and whites. This "chimerical vision"—as it was termed by the court that heard Manson's appeal from his conviction for the killings—involved reference to music of the Beatles (particularly songs from their 1968 double album The Beatles, also known as "the White Album") and to the New Testament's Book of Revelation.


Manson's technique as a manipulator given Noble Phantasm status. Primarily used against unwitting non-magi, Assassin first establishes himself as an unquestionable god to his victim, before designating said victim as his "champion". By convincing the target that they're a viable Heroic Spirit candidate, the victim believes it so much that Akasha itself falls for the ruse, ascribing a rank E set of parameters and turning the hapless stooge into a very low level Servant of Assassin's own. This process can be repeated ad nauseam as Assassin doesn't rely on his own mana supply for the conversion process. The new "Servants" can also spread the word of their new god to others (instilling the binding charismatic effect without the ranking until making contact with Assassin himself) as well as provide extra mana for Assassin by killing people.

Lore

Charles Milles Manson (born Charles Milles Maddox, November 12, 1934) is an American criminal who led what became known as the Manson Family, a quasi-commune that arose in California in the late 1960s. Manson and his followers committed a series of nine murders at four locations over a period of five weeks in the summer of 1969. In 1971 he was found guilty of conspiracy to commit the murders of seven people – most notably of the actress Sharon Tate – all of which were carried out by members of the group at his instruction. He is currently serving nine concurrent life sentences at Corcoran State Prison in Corcoran, California.


Manson believed in what he called "Helter Skelter", a term he took from the Beatles' song of the same name. Manson believed Helter Skelter to be an impending apocalyptic race war, which he described in his own version of the lyrics to the Beatles' song. He believed the murders would help precipitate that war. From the beginning of his notoriety, a pop culture arose around him in which he ultimately became an emblem of insanity, violence and the macabre.


At the time the Family began to form, Manson was an unemployed former convict, who had spent half of his life in correctional institutions for a variety of offenses. Before the murders, he was a singer-songwriter on the fringe of the Los Angeles music industry, chiefly through a chance association with Dennis Wilson, drummer and founding member of the Beach Boys. After Manson was charged with the crimes of which he was later convicted, recordings of songs written and performed by him were released commercially. Various musicians have covered some of his songs.

[DessertTaiga]

@Charles Manson: I somehow giggled at this sheet. Well yeah, he's an Assassin, but why does he have no Presence Concealment, even at a low rank? Even if their legends don't really much suit their class, Heroic Spirits have the class's Skills, even at low ranks like E or D. I'm just a beginner when it comes to Servants, and I also don't know all the Skills, but from what I understand from research, this is the case. That is, unless I misunderstood things yet again. Well I guess his case is a bit unique or something like that stuff?

And sometimes after you post, I post. What is going on...?

[Alexcoene]

@Charles Manson: I somehow giggled at this sheet. Well yeah, he's an Assassin, but why does he have no Presence Concealment, even at a low rank? Even if their legends don't really much suit their class, Heroic Spirits have the class's Skills, even at low ranks like E or D. I'm just a beginner when it comes to Servants, and I also don't know all the Skills, but from what I understand from research, this is the case. That is, unless I misunderstood things yet again. Well I guess his case is a bit unique or something like that stuff?

And sometimes after you post, I post. What is going on...?

Mata Hari doesn't have Presence Concealment.