Say, have you guys ever write something so good or at least personally satisfy yourself so much, that make you hesitate to post other sheets because you can't top that sheet?
Say, have you guys ever write something so good or at least personally satisfy yourself so much, that make you hesitate to post other sheets because you can't top that sheet?
...Not really. I definitely have my personal favorites, but not to the extent where I don't want to post up anything else. How about you?
...Not really. I definitely have my personal favorites, but not to the extent where I don't want to post up anything else. How about you?
Well I do, I actually make a lot of 'finished sheets' (like all the NPs and stuffs) but ended up not posting them because I feel those are badly written.
Well I do, I actually make a lot of 'finished sheets' (like all the NPs and stuffs) but ended up not posting them because I feel those are badly written.
Hmm... If you have a sheet that you don't want to post up in public yet, you could always PM it to a friend for feedback or something.
Seems like kind of a shame to let a lot go to waste that could potentially become workable Servant sheets.
Well I do, I actually make a lot of 'finished sheets' (like all the NPs and stuffs) but ended up not posting them because I feel those are badly written.
A way to stop doing those kinds of things from happening is to think to yourself "Wait, why do I care about what other people think about my sheets when they do the same thing?"
A way to stop doing those kinds of things from happening is to think to yourself "Wait, why do I care about what other people think about my sheets when they do the same thing?"
The thing is, it is I that want those sheets to be good. I kinda perfectionist about everything that I worked with (be it sheets or irl stuff), until I find something can't be improved (regardless it actually can or far from perfect), I hesitate showing them to other people.
My 2nd Servant Sheet. I just rewatched Pirates of the Caribbean last night, so I made a PotC-ish servant.
Class : Rider
True Name : Hernán Cortés
Origin : Spain
Alignment : Chaotic Neutral
PARAMETER
STR : B
END : C
AGL : C
MGI : B
LCK : B
NP : A+
CLASS SKILL
Riding : C
The skill of using mounts or vehicles. At this rank, Rider can ride horses or operate a ship with slightly superior skill. He can also use most modern vehicles with above average skill with only a short time of learning.
Magic Resistance : B
The skill that grants protection against magical effects by canceling them. Rider gained rather high level of this skill because of his resistance against the unknown magic of the Aztec priests. At this rank, rider can cancel spells with a chant below three verses. Even if targeted by High-Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals, it is difficult for him to be affected.
PERSONAL SKILLS
Conquistador : A++
A composite skill which is unique to the explorers from the Kingdom of Spain. This skill grants the servant the knowledge and skill needed to become the conqueror of a 'New World'. Rider has a very high rank of this skill due to his achievement and fame as a Spanish Conquistador.
Charisma : C++
A skill which affect's a person's fame and the talent to lead and army or unify a nation. At this rank, Rider can lead even inexperienced soldiers to conquer a nation. This skill is actually a part of the skill "Conquistador" and is elevated because of the high rank of said skill. This skill also makes it easier to ally with other factions and improves persuasion ability.
Golden Rule : B++
A skill which represents the person's luck or ability to gain wealth. In this rank, money problems are completely unknown. This skill is also a part of "Conquistador" skill and is boosted because of the high rank of said skill. Rider has acquired a very huge amount of wealth from his conquest of Aztec, which has become legendary treasure, sought by many treasure hunters.
Military Tactic : D++
A skill which gives the person the knowledge and tactic needed to win a decisive battle between armies. At this rank, Rider can use most tricks and tactics on the book turn the situation of a seemingly losing battle to a glorious victory. This skill is part of the "Conquistador" skill and is ranked up due to high rank of said skill.
Divinity : E
A skill which determines the height of divinity of a person. Rider's arrival on Aztec was thought to be the return of Feathered Serpent God Quetzalcoatl by the Aztecs, which gives him this skill at low level.
NOBLE PHANTASMS
Gold, Glory and Gospel Pillage, Purge and Preach
Rank : D-B
Type : Anti-Nation, Anti-Army
The 3 main objectives of European Explorers. Rider is one of the few European explorer who is known to have successfully reached these goals. In Rider's case, he has taken these to the extreme, with the countless amount of golds stored into many legendary treasure ships, the glory of conquering the mighty Aztec Empire with only few soldiers of superior technology and also helping to spread Christianity in America. This Noble Phantasm is the manifestation of these achievements.
When activated, Rider will call forth an 'Expedition Ship' which contains several hundred corpses of his former expedition crews which still yearn to gain more glories and riches, armed with weaponry powerful enough to conquer an empire. Each crew is an undead skeletons which cannot be killed with convenient weapons, as they can regenerate their severed bones. But can be destroyed with a powerful magical blast or by most of other Servant's Noble Phantasm. These undead soldiers will assist Rider eliminating anything opposing them, but if not handled carefully, these undead may stir chaos to wherever they're summoned and they may harm innocent civilians. This Noble Phantasm needs a reasonably high amount of magical energy to sustain the soldier's soul. Oddly, these undeads are immune to christian rite magic.
Gunpowder, Steel and Horse Shoot, Butcher and Trample
Rank : C-B+
Type : Anti-Army
The 3 main technological advantage Rider's Army has in their Conquest of Aztec. The guns and cannons, which easily shot through the lightly armored Aztecs and destroyed their stone walls and buildings. The cold hard steel armor and weapons, which the obsidian clubs of Aztec cannot pierce and hacked through their skins. And the agile and majestic horses, which outran and trampled their warriors. This Noble Phantasm is the representation of these aspects.
When activated, the weaponry of the undead soldiers will become more destructive, and some will be mounted on undead horses which equals to minor phantasmal beast, further enchanting their combat abilities and agility. This also activates the devastating bombard cannons of the expeditionary ship, each equals to a C Rank Noble Phantasm.
Lost Treasures of Tenochtitlan Conquistador's Spoil of War
Rank : E-A+
The numerous Noble Phantasms which Rider obtained from the vast treasury of the Aztec Capital, Tenochtitlan. From an Enchanted Emerald Ring to the Nameless Cursed Blood Spear, this Noble Phantasm is like a lesser and much more limited version of a certain Golden King's Noble Phantasm, but unlike said Noble Phantasm, Rider can't use it as a weapon launcher, materializing a treasure takes some time and it needs more magical energy to materialize. He also can't fully utilize the more powerful weapons to their full power.
Rider can lend some of these weapons to his undead soldiers, or to his trusted allies. Some treasures can unleash their true power only if wielded by someone of Aztec descend.
Lore
Hernán Cortés de Monroy y Pizarro Altamirano, Marquis of the Valley of Oaxaca (1485 – December 2, 1547) was a Spanish Conquistador who led an expedition that caused the fall of the Aztec Empire and brought large portions of mainland Mexico under the rule of the King of Castile in the early 16th century. Cortés was part of the generation of Spanish colonizers who began the first phase of the Spanish colonization of the Americas.
Born in Medellín, Spain, to a family of lesser nobility, Cortés chose to pursue a livelihood in the New World. He went to Hispaniola and later to Cuba, where he received an encomienda and, for a short time, became alcalde (magistrate) of the second Spanish town founded on the island. In 1519, he was elected captain of the third expedition to the mainland, an expedition which he partly funded. His enmity with the Governor of Cuba, Diego Velázquez de Cuéllar, resulted in the recall of the expedition at the last moment, an order which Cortés ignored.
Arriving on the continent, Cortés executed a successful strategy of allying with some indigenous people against others. He also used a native woman, Dońa Marina, as an interpreter; she would later give birth to his first son. When the Governor of Cuba sent emissaries to arrest Cortés, he fought them and won, using the extra troops as reinforcements. Cortés wrote letters directly to the king asking to be acknowledged for his successes instead of being punished for mutiny. After he overthrew the Aztec Empire, Cortés was awarded the title of Marqués del Valle de Oaxaca, while the more prestigious title of Viceroy was given to a high-ranking nobleman, Antonio de Mendoza. In 1541 Cortés returned to Spain, where he died peacefully but embittered, six years later.
Because of the controversial undertakings of Cortés and the scarcity of reliable sources of information about him, it has become difficult to assert anything definitive about his personality and motivations. Early lionizing of the conquistadors did not encourage deep examination of Cortés. Later reconsideration of the conquistadors' character in the context of modern anti-colonial sentiment also did little to expand understanding of Cortés as an individual. As a result of these historical trends, descriptions of Cortés tend to be simplistic, and either damning or idealizing.
Personality
Likes : Gold, Glory and Girls
Dislikes : Loud warcry, Jaguars, Pirates
Talents : Looting, defeating much larger army with several hundred soldiers
Natural Enemies : Pirates, Enemy of the Castille, Cuauhtémoc
Rider is a cunning, ruthless and rather greedy man, but he also has a charming personality and a natural talent to lead an army, he also has some self-sense of honor. When he received any order from the King, he will do his best to obey and accomplish said order. He is a pragmatic person, and is willing to use any means necessary to reach his goal, even if it means killing countless peoples, but he also has a noble personality, he only do what he think is the best for his men and the Kingdom of Spain, and he is well-loved by those close to him. He also despised the enemies of the Castille and The Pirates.
Rider is very obedient to his Master and willing to carry out any order from them, as long as it doesn't defy his self-sense of honor to the Kingdom of Spain. His wish to the grail is to clean his bad reputation as the merciless murderer of countless Aztecs.
How does he differ from Columbus? Personality wise.
Originally Posted by Sandstorm77
He's just putting the bone of his sword into other people until it explodes and lets out parts of him inside them.
Originally Posted by AvengerEmiya
Genderswaps are terrible, but I think I and other people would hate them less if Fate didn't keep ignoring actual heroines throughout history and folklore. Like, why bother turning Francis Drake into a woman when Ching Shih and Grace O'Malley exist?
Originally Posted by Five_X
Fate Zero is just Fate Stay Night for people who think Shirou is too girly
How does he differ from Columbus? Personality wise.
Well, I don't know much about Columbus since I don't play much FGO. But from what I know, he looks rather pirate-ish and has badass looking artwork. I also know that he has EX-rank Conquistador skill due to being "the first spanish explorer" and discovered america.
While we're at it, any thoughts on how he'd get along with my Pedro de Alvarado Servant?
Well, in his life, he considered him as a valuable ally and comrade and he would get along well with his fellow Spanish Conquistador, but when he committed the massacre which caused the rebellion of the Aztecs (which eventually, Cortes would get the blame) he would think of him as a dangerous person which would threaten his own reputation.
Well, in his life, he considered him as a valuable ally and comrade and he would get along well with his fellow Spanish Conquistador, but when he committed the massacre which caused the rebellion of the Aztecs (which eventually, Cortes would get the blame) he would think of him as a dangerous person which would threaten his own reputation.
My 3rd Servant Sheet. A particularly OP servant, which will put Iskandar to shame.
Faceclaim
Class : Rider
Identity : Genghis Khan, Conqueror of Kings
Origin : Mongolia
Alignment : Chaotic Evil
Parameter
STR : B
END : B
AGL : B MGI : B
LCK : A
NP : A++
Class Skills
Magical Resistance : B
The skill which grants protection against magical effects by canceling the spells altogether. At this rank, spells with a chant below three verses will be canceled. Even if targeted by High-Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals, it is difficult for Rider to be affected. He gained rather high magical resistance because of the blessing and support of his numerous priests.
Riding : A+
The skill which represents one's ability to ride mounts and vehicles. At this rank, Rider can ride pretty much all vehicles and creatures, including those of the Phantasmal and Divine Beasts, except Dragonkind. Rider gained high rank of this skill because he is the symbol of the Mongols, which is famously known as the masters of horsemanship.
Personal Skills
Conqueror of the Continents : A+
A composite skill which is unique only to a few Conquerors. This skill grants the servant the knowledge, skill and determination needed to become a Continental Conqueror. Rider has a very high rank of this skill because of his most famous feat of conquering most of the Eurasian Continent, building the largest contiguous land empire in history. The skills which composed this skill is the essential skill for being a Continental Conqueror, like logistics, military tactics and mobility. In a Normal Holy Grail War, this skill doesn't have much use, but in an actual War between armies or nations, it's really useful.
Exterminator : A++
A skill which represents the servant's feat of exterminating population. Rider has obtained very high rank for this skill for causing one of the most brutal and bloody massacres in the human history, along with dozen others bloody massacres throughout the Eurasian continent. This skill gives Rider a slight bonus in combat ability for each person he killed since he was summoned. After exterminating 1000 peoples, Rider's combat parameter will be raised slightly.
Dread : A+
A skill which is a subversion of Charisma. Instead of ruling and drawing people by charm alone, Rider rules and influences his men and peoples around him with fear and dread. At this rank, his mere presence may inject people without sufficient mental defense around him with overwhelming sense of dread, forcing them to succumb to his will.
Military Tactic : B+
A skill which gives the person the knowledge, will and tactic needed to win a battle between armies. At this rank, Rider can command even an inexperienced mob of villagers to conquer an Nation. Rider has high level of this skill due to his accomplishment of using and adopting various tactics to conquer dozens of nations.
Noble Phantasms
Heaven's Cavalry Trampling Stampede of the Great Horde
Rank : A+
Type : Anti-Army
This Noble Phantasm is the manifestation of the strength and fame of the Mongolian cavalry under Rider's command. with various technique and weapons, the horde of Rider's skillful horsemen has overcame many armies.
When activated, Rider will call forth a high-level phantasmal horse which represents these aspects. A horse with the strength, endurance and agility of a Servant. When Rider charges at the enemy, spirits of hundreds of his mighty cavalry, each armed with weapons equals to E to B Rank Noble Phantasm, will be materialized to support him, overwhelming the enemy with their combined attacks.
Heaven's Punishment I Am the Flail of God
Rank : A++
Type : Anti-Country
This Noble Phantasm is the manifestation of the devastation caused by Rider's Conquest. Which leaves dozens of cities to ruins, erased hundred of villages from the map, and reduced the total population of earth by approximately 5%.
When activated, a gigantic divine Flail with ancient Mongolian fonts inscribed on it will be materialized. This Flail has the hidden power to unleash a great divine energy wave, capable of bringing destruction to a large city. This power can be used up to 5 times, but the Flail can be continuously used as a flail Noble Phantasm with great destructive capability even without the hidden divine power.
Ikh Mongol Uls Grand Empire of The Great Khan
Rank : EX
Type : Anti-Continent
This Noble Phantasm is the manifestation of the size and influence of the Great Mongol Empire at its peak under his authority. The Empire which is the 2nd largest empire and the largest contiguous empire in human history, which greatly influenced the world.
When activated, Rider will synchronize himself with the land itself, spreading his dominion of the entire land in which the War takes place, until he synchronized with 24 million km square land, which is the size of his Empire. He will gain access to the 1/4 magical energy of the land, which Rider can freely use and manipulate. With this, he can even change the shape of the land itself. He needs a really huge magical energy to activate this Noble Phantasm, but when activated, he will have near infinite magical energy.
Lore
Genghis Khan (c. 1162 – August 18, 1227), born Temüjin, was the Great Khan and founder of the Mongol Empire, which became the largest contiguous empire in history after his death. He came to power by uniting many of the nomadic tribes of Northeast Asia. After founding the Empire and being proclaimed "Genghis Khan", he launched the Mongol invasions that conquered most of Eurasia. Campaigns initiated in his lifetime include those against the Qara Khitai, Caucasus, and Khwarazmian, Western Xia and Jin dynasties. These campaigns were often accompanied by large-scale massacres of the civilian populations – especially in the Khwarazmian and Western Xia controlled lands. By the end of his life, the Mongol Empire occupied a substantial portion of Central Asia and China.
Before Genghis Khan died he assigned Ögedei Khan as his successor. Later his grandsons split his empire into khanates. He died in 1227 after defeating the Western Xia. He was buried in an unmarked grave somewhere in Mongolia His descendants extended the Mongol Empire across most of Eurasia by conquering or creating vassal states in all of modern-day China, Korea, the Caucasus, Central Asia, and substantial portions of Eastern Europe and Southwest Asia. Many of these invasions repeated the earlier large-scale slaughters of local populations. As a result, Genghis Khan and his empire have a fearsome reputation in local histories
Beyond his military accomplishments, Genghis Khan also advanced the Mongol Empire in other ways. He decreed the adoption of the Uyghur script as the Mongol Empire's writing system. He also practiced meritocracy and encouraged religious tolerance in the Mongol Empire, and unified the nomadic tribes of Northeast Asia. Present-day Mongolians regard him as the founding father of Mongolia.
Although known for the brutality of his campaigns and considered by many to have been a genocidal ruler, Genghis Khan is also credited with bringing the Silk Road under one cohesive political environment. This brought communication and trade from Northeast Asia into Muslim Southwest Asia and Christian Europe, thus expanding the horizons of all three cultural areas. His name is pronounced Çingis hán.
Personality
Likes : Butchering his enemies, trampling his enemies, crushing the bones of his enemies.
Dislikes : Long sieges, defensive position, naval expedition.
Talents : Spreading terror to the heart of his enemies, besieging a city.
Natural Enemy : Whoever opposing him.
Rider is a destructive and cunning man who loves conquest and winning. He has an insatiable lust for blood of his enemies and is very aggressive and murderous towards them. Rider also really cares about his subordinates. His allies fears but respect him, and he in turn treat them well.
He hates losing, and and spent most of his time to think about how to utterly destroy and win over his foes. He also spent most of his times outside on horseback and likes to tend his horse.
Rider will treat his Master as his subordinate, if they obeys him, he will treat them well, but if they defy or dare to oppose his will, then he will make them dearly regret it. His wish for the Grail is to be given additional 60 years in life, so he can conquer the entire world.
That's it I think. Any comments or reviews will be greatly appreciated.
Genghis: Not too bad for your third sheet, but I do have a few corrections.
Conqueror of Continents has a confusing description. What does it actually do? You talk about it like it's super awesome, written, it seems fairly pointless.
Dread should be replaced with E rank Charisma, they are functionally identical
First NP is boring
Second needs more description. Also, its limitations are unclear. 5 times total or 5 times before putting it away? If the former, why? If the latter, tone it down from Anti-City
Third NP needs additional description and limitations. What's to stop him from just doing it immediately, to begin.
Stats are probably too high, personality could use more description.
Originally Posted by ThirtyFour34
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