Create-A-Servant 2

[venomking]

so edited Ce acatl, please feel free to critique sorry it was not done yesterday as promised we had a power outage on are street last night, please do forgive me.

[venomking]

Anyways I plan to do H.H Holmes, Theseus, and apolo next.

[RoydGolden]

so edited Ce acatl, please feel free to critique sorry it was not done yesterday as promised we had a power outage on are street last night, please do forgive me.

It's definitely improved now, and as I said it was one of your better sheets to begin with. Aside from spelling and grammar, I don't think his Alcoholic Weakness Skill is necessary (sounds more like a personality trait then anything worthy of being a Skill, particularly since he has 5 already) and "refuses to enjoy anything ever" sounds like a strangely extreme personality trait, maybe more so then you intended.

[venomking]

It was intended, it's for humor purposes think the birthday episode of the legend of legendary heroes that's his reaction to all enjoyment.

[RoydGolden]

It was intended, it's for humor purposes think the birthday episode of the legend of legendary heroes that's his reaction to all enjoyment.

Ah, okay. I'm not familiar with that series but I'll take your word for it. So he's sort of like the comically serious type then?

[venomking]

True name: Apollo.
Class: archer.
Alternate classes: rider, caster.
Likes: healing, prophesies, and a good hymn or poem, music, and any instrument.
Dislikes: serpents, Hera, Zeus, his sisters cold demeanor, typhon, self righteous mortals, Python.
armament: the golden bow of Apollo, golden armor, golden bracer.

parameters:
agility: B
strength: C+
Endurance: B
mana: C+
luck: C

background: the son of Zeus and Leto a Titan, he was born with godly qualities and lived the mayor it's of his life as a god, that is un tell he decided to rebel against zuez, as punishment he was sent to earth and made mortal, in order to get his Immortality back he had to complete many quests given to him by the mortal who claimed him, thou since he was able to keep most of godly powers many of the jobs he had to do were easy, after his re ascension to be comeing a god, his mortal self was cast off and become a part of the throne of heroes.

personality: despite depictions of him being a play boy, this is not the case in fact his personality is far more caring and logical then most of the other Olympians, and he had the fewest children of the gods as well the ones he did have children with he genuinely loved and there's deaths created great pain and anguish in his heart. Thou qualities that are often depicted of him do exist such him being fun loving and mostly care free wrighting poems, but he also likes to guide his master to be creative and appreciate being mortal, and is why he hates self righties mortals who always sacrifice themselves, and in truth the only reason he himself choose to go back to being immortal is because of his fear of death.

appearance: a muscular man with golden bling hair, in a tight fitting simple yet elegant golden armor with a elegant golden bracer on his left hand, his eyes have a golden irises that burn with intense passion and his hight is around 8"1.

Class skills:
independent action, A.
archer was never independent and usefully did what Hera or zues told him to do, and is likely why he even rebelled in the first place was do how easy he is to manipulate, do to this his independent action is only as high as it because of his fame and peoples depiction of him, at this rank he could survive around a week if he does not attack or use magic whatsoever.

magic resistance, B+.
Do to archer haveing been a god and able to keep most of his godly attributes, he has high resistance to magic, and it would take tier 4 spell casting to do damage to him using Mage craft.

personnel skills:

divinity, B.
do to having been made mortal his divinity has been ranked to down to that of a high class Demi God, and he has lost his immortality.

divine archery, B++
a skill given to those who are gods of archery, it increases ones range, perception, reaction time, and accuracy to the point of godly levels putting them above the fetes of normal heroes, the higher the rank the more these things will increase and at A rank one can be considered to have fetes in the level of coming close to a phantasm and anything higher then A is sublimated into a phantasm.
Appolos rank allows him to target from multiple cities if necessary, and most of his shots are both fast and a
ways on point requiring a servant to have extreme levels of skill to block his arrows, his rank would be A if he we're a sole God of archery.

Medicine, A.
Do to being a god of Medicine and healing, he has high rank in this skill, and can heal almost any injury.

Pythons curse(couldn't think of good name.)
a curse Apollo passively gives to servants whose legends involve serpent or have serpent like qualities, the curse decreases ones parameters in mana, luck, and endurance but increase there strength and agility do to him honoring Python by creating games in his name, somone like Hercules who only has a small part of his legend haveing to do with serpent like beast would only get his stats increased and decreased by + and - modifiers while Gilgamesh and medusa who have serpent like qualities and have legends involving serpents would loose and gain entire ranks.

NP.
The golden bow of Apollo, A+++
A weapon constructed by Hephaestus it is a high class God forged weapon, it's design is a simple golden bow with the image of the sun burned into its exterior, there are three three types of phanatsms if arrows the bow uses, one are arrows of plagues which give enemy servant a random illness which helps to weaken the enemy servant, arrows which can only be seen by servants with high classes in divinity, and it's most powerfull is an arrow that when shot into the sky causes a rain of arrows that are made entirely of mana that follow the movements of archers eyes and can by pass most defenses, however it uses up an extreme amount of mana, he also has arrows of healing, but he cannot use them on himself and will use them on his master if neccary

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Yes.

[RoydGolden]

Aside from the typos (which I'll get back to later), what does Apollo have to do with Typhon? The snake monster he killed was Python, while Typhon was a giant who tried to overthrow Zeus. I think you're confusing the two.

[venomking]

Ok fixed that.

[Bird of Hermes]

I've seen a few versions of this dude before but I wanted to give him a go and stretch my legs after the CaS contest.

I still stick by my opinion that he's a 2* servant.


Source: (X)

Class: Lancer
True Name: Meleager
Alignment: Chaotic Good
Place of Origin: Greek Mythology

Parameters:

STR: B
END: B
AGI: B
MGI: C
LCK: D
NP: C

Height: 180cm
Weight: 80kg
Likes: Powerful Women, Leading a Hunt
Dislikes: Emotionally manipulative and entitled with victim complexes
Talent: "Securing the Kill"
Natural Enemy: Atalanta, His Mother
Attribute: Earth
Traits: Human
Armament: Spears, Armour

Class Skills:

Magic Resistance: C
Grants protection against magical effects. Differing from the Resistance effect that merely rejects Magical Energy, this ability cancels the spells altogether.

Cancel spells with a chant below two verses. Cannot defend against magecraft on the level of High-Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals. Despite being born in the Age of Gods and his class container, he encountered no magecraft in life, save the prophecy of his fate.

Personal Skills:

Divinity: C
The measure of whether one has Divine Spirit aptitude or not. At high levels one is treated as a mixed race of a Divine Spirit, and the level declines when the Heroic Spirit's own rank as a Monster or Demonic Beast raises. It can also decrease due to one's dislike for the gods. Those who have A Rank Divinity or above has reached the throne of a god. It also has an effect which reduces special defensive values called 'purge defence' in proportion to the Divinity's Rank. It can break through Skills such as Protection of the Faith and Enlightenment of the Sacred Fig.

Despite the absence of clear evidence, according to many stories it is said that he is the son of Ares, God of War. As a result, he possesses the same divine aptitude as most demigods, saints and gods of minor cults.

Mark of the Hunter: B
The ability to lead a party to track down quarry. Lancer can mark a creature as her prey, allowing him to pursue them and expose their weaknesses for all to exploit.

Although he did not singlehandedly slay the beast he was sent to kill, his leadership was invaluable in the hunt as was his courage and ability as a tracker.

Familiar Creation: EX
A Skill that allows the user to create a familiar and control it from a distance. This ability should normally belong to those of the Caster class.

In his case, he uses Familiar Creation to construct an alter ego to act as his avatar as his Spiritual Core exists outside the body. After his body is destroyed, he can reconstruct it over time - albeit with a huge mana cost.

Noble Phantasms

Skotóno Klévo

Strike that Takes the Final Blow

Type: Anti-Unit
Rank: C+
Range: 1-50
Max Targets: 1

The spear of Lancer and the crystallisation of his feat of slaying the Calydonian Boar. After the huntress Atalanta weakened the beast, he struck the final blow.
The weapon he holds carries the concept of "Strength against the Weak", dealing more damage against enemies that have sustained more damage and debuffs. The weaker the target, the stronger the throw, the sharper the spear tip, the more likely to hit the weakest point, the more mana that is expunged etc. Foes with a 'Monstrous' or 'Bestial' attributes suffer greater penalties.

Against foes at full strength, this Noble Phantasm has no special effects. However against a weakened opponent it is almost guaranteed to "Secure the Kill".

[RUBY=Katagrafí tis Moíras]Like Embers, My Life Vanishes[/RUBY]

Type: Anti-Unit (Self)

Rank: B
Range: 0
Max Targets: 1

The most famous aspect of his legend. Upon his birth; it was prophesied that his life would be tied to a certain piece of firewood burning in the family hearth, as long as it was intact, he would live. Should it be destroyed however, his life would be snuffed out like flames.

The Noble Phantasm crystallises as a small sliver of timber about the size the palm of a human hand that is summoned along with him… or rather that's what he says. It truth, it is that he is the log or rather it is where his spiritual core is housed with the physical external body being a construct generated he has generated. The familiar construct can be destroyed and reconstructed over and over provided the mana supply is present however should the wood be burned or destroyed the construct will be immolated by searing magical flames in a matter of moments.

Despite his glaring weakness, he isn't very cautious about it. He may disguise it in plain sight as a necklace, give it to his master to protect in their territory or just bury it somewhere. Should it be be accidentally destroyed without his notice, his last words would be an absent minded "huh?" before incineration.

Lore

He is the one who caused the invention of the phrase "Kill Steal".

Meleager was a hero of the Argonauts. He is mostly famous as the leader of the Calydonian boar hunt. He was the son of a mortal woman Althaea and winemaker Oeneus (or perhaps Ares). When he was born, the fates predicted that he would live until a piece of wood that was burning in the family's hearth was fully burned. Naturally, his mother doused it immediately.

After a monstrous beast called the Calydonian Boar started terrorizing the area, Meleager was made leader to hunt the beast. Most notably, he chose Atlanta whom he harboured feelings for. He led the party of heroes to slay the beast but none could touch it except for Atlanta who drew first blood. After it was wounded, Meleager let loose his spear and slew the beast. Jealous that Meleager gave the pelt to Atalanta, his brother and uncle attacked him and he slew them in self defence. Enraged, his mother threw the piece of wood she stole away from the Fates upon the fire that had been lit, killing her son.

After his death, as Heracles adventured in the underworld to fetch Cerberus during his Labours, he came across Meleager's shade that was said to look formidable enough in his shining armour for Heracles to reach for his bow in defence before vanishing ominously.

Character

Meleager is a kind and patient man with a strong sense of right and wrong and although unfailingly polite and cooperative at most of times, we will not hesitate to call others out on their actions. Despite his tragic fate and knowing it, he held onto his own sense of justice and is surprisingly preppy. However he is very good at acting the 'brooding bishie' archetype for the sole reason that he knows ladies like it.

Something of a flirt to say the least, he enjoys the company of attractive women. However none quite caught his eye like the Huntress of Arcadia. Here he realised he had a type: strong women, brave women, women who were independent and women who could probably beat him up in a fight. Although he held feelings for her he was absolutely respectful and did not attempt to court her, even after she made clear his feelings weren't reciprocated. He kept a respectful difference and rewarded her in the hunt, not for his own biases but her outstanding talents.

Despite knowing about his patterns and flaws, he absolutely refuses to change. Much like the phrase "When all you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail", even in combat he tries to solve each problem by throwing spears and the like at it, though this is probably because he has more experience in fighting monsters than people. Furthermore, he is not overly protective of the log that houses his spiritual core and if it were to be lost or destroyed, he'd probably shrug and say something along the lines "Tch, it was bound to happen at some point" before vanishing.

Towards his master, he would act more as a guide, leading them through troubled times and (trying) to teach lessons on personal growth. That said, he is not a 'Yes Man' who would agree with everything they'd say. Should he find the actions of the master to be nefarious, he would loudly protest and if needs be - raise arms against his anchor in the world.

His wish is to simply see Atalanta again. He has long let go of any chance of romance with her "Because let's face it, I'm not protagonist material" and just wants a proper conversation. It could simple be a laugh over a drink, establishing a firm friendship or even just having a proper goodbye. That said when summoned in this world, he seems to have a habit of cooking apple pies but he can never get it just right.

Key Words/Craft Essences

Agrius Metamorphosis

Boar of Divine Punishment

The pelt of the Calydonian Boar killed by Atalanta, a Monstrous Beast that Artemis let loose upon the earth.

Artemis released it when the king of Calydon forgot offerings to her in a harvest festival. It was huge and terrifying, I knew I couldn't slay it alone - the creature was unnatural and only looked like a boar in truth. I was able to finish it off but only due to the help of a beautiful maiden.

It was a large and brutal beast that completely destroyed the crops of Calydon. During the Calydonian Boar Hunt, it rampaged without pause, killing many Greek heroes who came from all over the country. The hero Meleager, in love with Atalanta, was the one who finished it off, but surrendered the merit to Atalanta and brought great discord to the country in doing such. While it looked like a wild boar, the life-form used as its basis just happened to be a boar. Anyways after it got carved up, I gave the pelt to that huntress as she did the lion's share of the work.

I heard it's also a Noble Phantasm that grants its user the power of the beast to turn them into a 'Monstrous Human'. As impressive as it sounds, I think its more hassle than it's worth.

Maybe it's a good think I never had it? Eh, can't dwell too much on what-ifs.

[asterism42]

zhong hui

[Bird of Hermes]

zhong hui

True but at least its a different image of the dude

- - - Updated - - -

Also Vasuki seems pretty good, there aren't enough snake dudes in the Nasuverse and reminds me of that Orochi sheet I made. No critique as it's pretty solid but would I be correct in assuming that he's a Rider because of his second Noble Phantasm? Or am I just spouting nonsense?

[chem24]

True but at least its a different image of the dude

- - - Updated - - -

Also Vasuki seems pretty good, there aren't enough snake dudes in the Nasuverse and reminds me of that Orochi sheet I made. No critique as it's pretty solid but would I be correct in assuming that he's a Rider because of his second Noble Phantasm? Or am I just spouting nonsense?

I assume he's a rider for the same reason why Quetzalcoatl is also a rider. Well, except that he doesn't seem to have the ability to summon a serpent as a mount either. :P

[RoydGolden]

Meleager: Huh, I'd say this is better then the sheet I did for the guy. Creative interpretation of the log NP (way more interesting then what I came up with) and simple, yet fitting Skills. The only critiques I can note is that the ruby-text for his second NP is broken and also (not sure whether this is intentional or not) but his Craft Essence description switches kind of confusingly from first to third person a few times.

[RoydGolden]

Venomking: Here's the critique I promised for your Apollo sheet. Blue indicates spelling/semantic issues while green is power-scaling and lore-based critiques.

True name: Apollo.
Class: archer.
Alternate classes: rider, caster.
Likes: healing, prophesies, and a good hymn or poem, music, and any instrument.
Dislikes: serpents, Hera, Zeus, his sisters cold demeanor, typhoon (you fixed everything else but this mention of Typhon remains unchanged), self righteous (righteous), Python mortals (what is this referring to?).
armament: the golden bow of Apollo, golden armor, golden bracer.

parameters:
agility: B
strength: C+
Endurance: B
mana: C+
luck: C

background: the son of Zeus and Leto a Titan, he was born with godly qualities and lived the mayor (majority) it's of his life as a god, that is un tell (until) he decided to rebel against zuez (Zeus), as punishment he was sent to earth and made mortal, in order to get his Immortality back he had to complete many quests given to him by the mortal who claimed him, thou (though) since he was able to keep most of godly powers many of the jobs he had to do were easy, after his re ascension to be comeing (becoming) a god, his mortal self was cast off and become a part of the throne of heroes.

personality: despite depictions of him being a play boy (playboy), this is not the case in fact his personality is far more caring and logical then most of the other Olympians, and he and the fewest children of the gods as well the ones he did have children with he genuinely loved and there's (their) deaths created great pain and anguish in his heart. Thou (Those) qualities that are often depicted of him do exist such him being fun loving and mostly care free wrighting (writing) poems, but he also likes to guide his master to be creative and appreciate being mortal, and is why he hates self righties (righteous) mortals who always sacrifice themselves, and in truth the only reason he himself choose yo go back to being immortal is because of the fear of death.

appearance: a muscular man with golden bling hair, in a tight fitting simple yet elegant golden armor with a elegant golden bracer on his left hand, his eyes have a golden irises that burn with intense passion and his thighs (either Apollo has insanely huge thighs or you meant to say "size" here) is around 8"1.

Class skills:
independent action, B--
archer was never independent and usefully did what Hera or zues (Zeus) told him to do, and is likely why he even rebelled in the first place was do how easy he is to manipulate, do (due) to this his independent action is only as high as it because of his fame and peoples depiction of him, at this rank he could survive around a week if he does not attack or use magic whatsoever.
Frankly, I can't see Apollo having anything less then an A-rank in this Skill just from sheer pride alone. The description you gave is closer to A-rank anyways, since B-rank only allows one to remain in the world for two days.

magic resistance, B+.
Do (Due) to archer haveing been a god and able to keep most of his godly attributes, he has resistance to magic, and it would take tier 4 spell casting to do damage to him using Mage craft.

personnel (Personal) skills:

divinity, B.
do (Due) to having been made mortal his divinity has been ranked to down to high class Demi God, and he has lost his immortality.

divine archery, B++
a skill given to those who are gods of archery, it increases ones range, perception, reaction time, and accuracy to the point of godly levels putting them above the fetes (did you mean 'feats'?) of normal heroes, the higher the rank the more these things will increase and at A rank one can be considered to have fetes (ditto with the above) in the level of coming close to a phantasm and anything higher then A is sublimated into a phantasm.
Appolos rank allows him to target from multiple cities if necessary, and most of his shits (...Either Apollo favors some seriously disgusting ammunition, or you meant to say 'shots' here) are both fast and a (bit of a spacing issue here)
ways on point requiring a servant to have extreme levels of skill to block his arrows, his rank would be A if we're a sole God of archery.

Medicine, A.
to being a god of Medicine and healing, he has high rank in this skill, and can heal almost any injury.

Pythons curse(couldn't think of good name.)
a curse Apollo passively gives to servants whose legends involve serpent or have serpent like qualities, the curse decreases ones parameters in mana, luck, and endurance but increase there strength and agility do to him honoring Python by creating games in his name, somone (someone) like Hercules who only has a small part of his legend haveing to do with serpent like beast would only get his stats increased and decreased by + and - modifiers while Gilgamesh and medusa who have serpent like qualities and have legends involving serpents would loose (lose) and gain entire ranks.

NP.
The golden bow of Apollo, EX.
A weapon constructed by Hephaestus it is a high class God forged weapon, it's design is a simple golden bow with the image of the sun burned into its exterior, there are three three types of phanatsms (phantasmic) if arrows the bow uses, one are arrows of plagues which give enemy servant a random illness which helps to weaken the enemy servant, arrows which can only be seen by servants with high classes in divinity, and it's most powerfull is an arrow that when shot into the sky causes a rain of arrows that are made entirely of mana that follow the movements of archers eyes and can by pass most defenses, however it uses up an extreme amount of mana.
Why no mention of the healing arrows here? Far as I know of Apollo's legend, his arrows were said to bring health and sickness. Plus the rank seems a little too high for the effects here. Just A or A+ should be enough.

[venomking]

I thought about adding healing arrows, but felt that he already had invisible arrows, plague arrows, and a barrage of really powerfull arrows so I felt healing arrow would be a bit much.
anyways I'll fix grammar mistakes in about an hour, I gig some finishing up to do with my class room, freaking rain somehow got in so I got a lot of work I have to re do, and I got 3 more homework sheets for my students I have to do, so give me an hour.

[the god of world-0]

You can give him other healing np, lore to base about is not a problem

[asterism42]

Also Vasuki seems pretty good, there aren't enough snake dudes in the Nasuverse and reminds me of that Orochi sheet I made. No critique as it's pretty solid but would I be correct in assuming that he's a Rider because of his second Noble Phantasm? Or am I just spouting nonsense?

He's a Rider because he can ride dragons.

[venomking]

Ok, there we go.

[34]

So, I'm thinking about compiling the Servant Sheets from page 191 onwards.
Is there's anyone else currently doing this?

If not, is there anyone who has compiled some parts for the Sheet List? I think that would save me some time from compiling all of them...

[RoydGolden]

So, I'm thinking about compiling the Servant Sheets from page 191 onwards.
Is there's anyone else currently doing this?

If not, is there anyone who has compiled some parts for the Sheet List? I think that would save me some time from compiling all of them...

That reminds me, when was the last update? It couldn't have been that long ago... right?