Create-A-Servant 2

[Kabalisto Koga]

Now i have Herodots Profile complet but before i reveal it complete i want to hear the oppinion of everyone here without the Nobelphantasm included



Identity: Herodotus of Halikarnassus
Title: Father of History
Height: 180 cm
Weight: 70 kg
Alignment: Lawful Good
Attribute: Human
Origin: Anatolia
Likes:Truth,Roasted Food,Peacefull Days
Dislikes: Lies,Un-neccesary Violence
Talents: Clear Memory Recording



Parameter:


Strenght: D+
Endurance: D
Agility:C
Luck: B
Mana: A
Np: EX

Background:
Herodot was named by the Symbol of the Speaking Rhetoric(Cicero) father of the Hystory.He was born in the small asiatic Halicarnassos and was out of familiar reasons part of the local opposition but he later went into exil ..and started his travels...

Personality

He is a very stoic and serious Man,even when he sees the cruelest warfield ,the most horrific fights his expression doesnt change on bit,almost can be said that he has a stonish heart like his Stature like Expression but inreality he execute his Mission in pure discipline despite that he has even a fine humor and a helpful and curious demeanor .Also despite he wasnt a actual Fighter he has the spirit of a Warrior.Although that he was in his youth already calm and curious but the incidents in his youth strenghtened his stoic as he must endure the politic shemes and certain key words of his mother he left his home and traveled and as he saw the burning ruins of a town and the grim insendiary felonies the suffering victims he saw sowed a seed into his mind ,then as he wrote about this occurance to Cope with this experience he noticed the Feeling of duty to dont let be the deeds of the criminals and the suffering forgotten ,so he found the Mission of his live ,to cope with this he armored his mind .Coincidentally in a Way a Warrior would it also do but instead to fight against a other Human ...was his Enemy the Oblivity .

Skills

Class skills:
Territory Creation: A
His is partially linked with his Hougu,also is he able to reconstruct his old study.

Item Creation:C
Although he had almost no training in Magecraft he had a similar Aptitude like Waver,but he can create normal routine Tools or objects of his Time even normal weapons or medicine of his time.

Personal skills:
Fruits of the Observatur : Ex

This skill represent the knowledge and Insight one has acquired and accumulated during his life. Due to his year lasting journays and the spectated warfares he acuired the knowledge of many different fields .notable examples: Military tactics B,Riding D,Medical Treatment C +.

Eye of Mind true: A

He has due to his years of analyzing fights ,war patterns ,Army movements trained his natural talented keen eyes to a extent like only a veteran Warrior would have under normal circumstances.

Eye of Art(Knowledge): A+
Due to his vast knowledge ,the chance to guess the Name of Nobel phantasm or even the of a Servant that has hystorical or legend origin are high.

Pancration Martialicus: C
　

He was taught the art of Pancration in his youth to defend himself in his unshure social situation of his family and their political disposition,although his extent of abbilities makes him under normal circumstances unable to fight against a Warrior class servant he can to say it with his words:"defeat one whose speciality are bachstabbing. "

please note:not only because his observation but also he has through his in his Childhoodtrained skills he can analyze it by using his self experience as understanding base to evaluete the "martial processes on the battle field "
What do you think is it a good justification

Nobelphantasm:

Historia Restructare
Type: Anti-Oblivion
Rank: Ex
Description:
It has the form of a scroll and it is the crystalisation of Herodots concept of hold the past living ...
With it he can resurrect the past of the current Region /culturspehre like to bring in Ancient/past Armies back ,in special cases also the building of Reality Marble if his Opponent has a connection to the Location like Achil and Troja in this Case he could even bring Hector as Servant back.

A other Abillity is that he can resurrect Ancient Structures like the Ancient seven world wonders as Nobelphantasm and other and also other old structures.

The following Nobelphantasm can he resurrect(Details are in Progress..)

Fortress/Struture based :
These are examples of Noble Phantasm he can evoke without being the original "Owner"/"Wielder" due to this he must undergo specified processes for the Building types it has a similarrity to the Evokation of Semiramis Hanging Gardens of Babylon.



Mausoleum of Halicarrnassus:
Type:Anti-uni
Rank:EX
Original Wielder: Lost Phantasm
Description: Due to ist regular owner Mausolos has no qualification under the Heroic- Spirits its a Lost-Phantasm a Noble Phantasm that is missing a User(most Noble Phantasm that went dissapeared in the modern times can be Count as those),but due to that he was born in the same Region and has some vague relation to Mausolos he can summon it and can easily forge a spiritual link to it.

It was the first Mausoleum in the history and became later the Titulation of important and or giant tombs.As Hougu it has a Mana Collecter/Conductor function like all world wonders,Herdot(us) can use the approximately thousand Statues of the facades as Golem Army and inside the tomb was once spoken a spell of unknown origin and nature ,the spell bost Herodots fightingcombat prowess so that he is able in conjunction with his analytical capabilities to fight a Saber,Archer Lancer or presumably a Berserker also is he able while he is inside to use the Magecraft of his Family-Lineage to its true extent.

Zeus Statue at Olympia
Type: Anti-Divinity
Rank:EX
Original Wielder:Phidias
Description:
The Statue of the mightiest Deity Zeus made by Phidias alongst with the construction ritual will be summoned the Temple of the statue whoose only two functions are first to takee Control over the Leylines and collect their Mana and conduct it into a Strong protection Barrier and into the Statue selv, to create the Statue the following materialls are needed:Syrian ivory, atleast 300 year old Ebony-wood,Gold and Magical Gemstones the nearer the used Materials are the of the original/first Statue are the stronger it can gets ,after the completion of the Statue a 100 hour Ritual must be Held to evoke it.Inside the Temple are Four Niobe familiars who can atleast buy some time against Servants the Statue itself has a Thunder Mana Blast EX ,Divine Core (Imitation/Fake)Rank C,a Spear/Lance in the left Hand and in the right a Spehre the spehre can used in a Broken Phantasm like Way once either to Create a Spehrical shield whoose be even stronger as Achileus Cosmos,a World Destruction Nobelphanrasm type Attack or a Miracle at the Level of true Magic and to destroy the Statue atleast a Herakless/Gilgamesh Level Servant is necesary and the Statue is reslient enough to fend off a slash of Excaliber.

Helios-Colloss of Rhode
Type:Anti-Army
Rank:EX
Description:
The Biggest Statue of Ancient times and also the shortest intact existing wonder(only 66 years),already in the antique was forgotten the techique with which Molding echnique he was created ,Herodot can recrete him only on Rhodes and to use him elsewhere someone Need Option like a Cargo ship.The Coloss has a Flame Mana burst Ex, Protection of Flammes B,Divine core(false)C+,also has the Collos a Weapon which he can mold and shape into a Sword,spear and so on.

Pharos of Alexandria:
Type: Fortress
Rank:EX
Description:
Is the Legendary lighthouse of the City Alexandria ,he was with his 160 meter until the Eifel Tower the biggest Building of the mankind .

Herodot is able to summon the Lighthouse in Egypt coasts ,The Phaross abbility are changing a bit depending on the Daytime. On the Daytime ist uses primarily the Metal concave mirror made by Archimedes (Which would be a Noble Phantasm for itself) to collect the Sunrays into burst like Attacks ,on the Night are used by the Mirrors empowered Flame Bursts, the following Abbilities are Daytime independet ;the on the facade montered Tritons can make La Bblack Tuna similar Attacks and Pharos is able to manipulate/Control the Weather .

Artemision von Ephesos
Type:Fortress
Rank:Ex
Original Wielder:Otrera
Description:

Army/Special unit based:

Shinobi of Iga:

Grenadier of Preußen:

Numerus Batavorum:

Exercitus ex Scipio:

Exercitus ex Hannibal:

Streltzy:

Athanatoi:

Janissaries:

Cataphracts:

Historia Configuria
Type:
Anti-Oblivion
Rank:
EX
Description:It has the form of a tablet and its Herodots sublimated right as original Author of the History to correct the History .He is able to Change the Human Order.

[King of Padoru]

*forgets about the existence of Human Observation*

Apparently, watching battles makes you a tactician on the level of mf Iskandar and gives you the same rank at Eye of the Mind as Centaurus-sensei

Also, that's not how attributes work, unless his father banged a nymph or something, which I doubt.

[Kabalisto Koga]

*forgets about the existence of Human Observation*

Apparently, watching battles makes you a tactician on the level of mf Iskandar and gives you the same rank at Eye of the Mind as Centaurus-sensei

Also, that's not how attributes work, unless his father banged a nymph or something, which I doubt.

Well if you have a sharp analyzing skills and good strcturial combination sense its not impossible ,but please tell me your oppinion do you think its already quite good.?

[King of Padoru]

Every single tactician/warrior in history must be dumb as bricks then, when a random old man can do everything better than them just by watching

[Dragolord09]

Clean up the spelling and grammar errors and get that sheet formatted properly and you may have a halfway decent sheet. For starters, its "Herodotus", not "Herodot".

[MehKitteh]

I usually don't go to the Gally-route, but boy it hurts to look at that sheet.

And yeah, it's wanked with no clear justifications what so ever. So fix that. It's okay to have OP Servants, but tell us exactly why they are OP. From what I see, he's just an observer, so having godly combat skills is a bit of a stretch, no?

Also, while this have been pointed out by a lot of us, try to grammatically and/or structurally polish the sheets. I mean, changing font sizes that are unnecessary, STILL INTERMIXING JAPANESE TERMS WITH ENGLISH, and misspellings. Yep, fix all of that. FIX IT.

[Lethildiren]

...you forgot the Luck stat, Koga.

[Historia]

I usually don't go to the Gally-route

Uh.

[CritHit]

Now i have Herodots Profile complet but before i reveal it complete i want to hear the oppinion of everyone here without the Nobelphantasm included



Identity: Herodot of Halikarnoss
Title: Father of History
Height: 180 cm
Weight: 70 kg
Alignment: Lawful Good
Attribute: Human
Origin: Anatolia
Likes:Truth,Roasted Food,Peacefull Days
Dislikes: Lies,Un-neccesary Violence
Talents: Clear Memory Recording



Parameter:


Strenght: D+
Endurance: D
Agility: C
Mana: A
Np: EX

Background:
Herodot was named by the Symbol of the Speaking Rhetoric(Cicero) father of the Hystory.He was born in the small asiatic Halicarnassos and was out of familiar reasons part of the local opposition but he later went into exil ..and started his travels...

Personality

He is a very stoic and serious Man,even when he sees the cruelest warfield ,the most horrific fights his expression doesnt change on bit,almost can be said that he has a stonish heart like his Stature like Expression but inreality he execute his Mission in pure discipline despite that he has even a fine humor and a helpful and curious demeanor .Also despite he wasnt a actual Fighter he has the spirit of a Warrior.Although that he was in his youth already calm and curious but the incidents in his youth strenghtened his stoic as he must endure the politic shemes and certain key words of his mother he left his home and traveled and as he saw the burning ruins of a town and the grim insendiary felonies the suffering victims he saw sowed a seed into his mind ,then as he wrote about this occurance to Cope with this experience he noticed the Feeling of duty to dont let be the deeds of the criminals and the suffering forgotten ,so he found the Mission of his live ,to cope with this he armored his mind .Coincidentally in a Way a Warrior would it aloso do but instead to fight against a other Human ...was his Enemy the Oblivity .

Skills

Class skills:
Territory Creation: A
His is partially linked with his Hougu,also is he able to reconstruct his old study.

Item Creation:C
Although he had no training in Magecraft he had a similar Aptitude like Waver,but he can create normal routine Tools or objects of his Time even normal weapons or medicine of his time.

Personal skills:
Fruits of the Observatur : Ex

This skill represent the knowledge and Insight one has acquired and accumulated during his life. Due to his year lasting journays and the spectated warfares he acuired the knowledge of many different fields .notable examples: Military tactics B,Riding D,Medical Treatment C +.

Eye of Mind true: A

He has due to his years of analyzing fights ,war patterns ,Army movements trained his natural talented keen eyes to a extent like only a veteran Warrior would have under normal circumstances.

Eye of Art(Knowledge): A+
Due to his vast knowledge ,the chance to guess the Name of Nobel phantasm or even of a Servant that has hystorical or legend origin are high.

Pancration Martialicus: C
　

He was taught the art of Pancration in his youth to defend himself in his unshure social situation of his family and their political disposition,altgough his extent of abbilities are under normal circumstances unable to fight against a Warrior class servant he can to say it with his words:"defeat one whos is speciality are bachstabbing.

Historia Restrcutare
Type: Anti-Oblivion
blivion
Rank: Ex
Description:
It has the form of a scroll and it is the crystalisation of Herodots concept of hold the past living ...
will be revealed...
Historia Configuria
Type:
Anti-Oblivion
Rank:
EX
Description:It has the form of a tablet and its Herodots sublimated right as first Historian...
will be revealed....

　

Sheet is real bad, that is all.

[Kabalisto Koga]

*forgets about the existence of Human Observation*

Apparently, watching battles makes you a tactician on the level of mf Iskandar and gives you the same rank at Eye of the Mind as Centaurus-sensei

Also, that's not how attributes work, unless his father banged a nymph or something, which I doubt.

.
*?Huh?*

Well if you have a analyzing eye ,a clear structural intuition and memory its possible.

Already Changed.

Every single tactician/warrior in history must be dumb as bricks then, when a random old man can do everything better than them just by watching

Well he is more theoretic as a practical one ,and i wouldnt say random .

Clean up the spelling and grammar errors and get that sheet formatted properly and you may have a halfway decent sheet. For starters, its "Herodotus", not "Herodot".

I working on it a have/had a technical issue

I usually don't go to the Gally-route, but boy it hurts to look at that sheet.

And yeah, it's wanked with no clear justifications what so ever. So fix that. It's okay to have OP Servants, but tell us exactly why they are OP. From what I see, he's just an observer, so having godly combat skills is a bit of a stretch, no?

Also, while this have been pointed out by a lot of us, try to grammatically and/or structurally polish the sheets. I mean, changing font sizes that are unnecessary, STILL INTERMIXING JAPANESE TERMS WITH ENGLISH, and misspellings. Yep, fix all of that. FIX IT.

sorry i had a browser problem with the formating i am working on it.

Well he is more a Analyst as a real fighter,but due to his intellect and analytical capabilities and when he has Soichirou/Kirei type Master he can be very Dangerous without to use his Nobelphatasm or to have a direct fight ,like in apocrypha he would have recognized Achil and Atalante as example.i thought if im honestly that i have made a justification?

...you forgot the Luck stat, Koga.

Thanks,already added,Lethilldiren !

[Dragolord09]

Getting better, but still very flawed and incomplete.

[Criarino]

I wasn't going to to write anything here for a while the university is squeazing me dry but now I have a short free time, and decided to get this out of my head.
Here is a remake of my (old?) Zumbi dos Palmares sheet. Don't get me wrong, the first one wasn't bad, but I feel like it was lacking a few things and did not make justice to the character. This time I will do my best.

"Ah, then I'm a berserker. Sorry, I don't like the word 'master'... Can I call you 'leader'?"

True name: Zumbi dos Palmares
AKA: 'Last leader of Palmares'
Class: Berserker
Alignment: Lawful Good
Place of origin: Brazil

STR: C ~ B+
END: B- ~ A
AGI: C+ ~ B+
MGI: D+ ~ C
LCK: D ~ C
NP: B++

Height/Weight: 1,90m 79kg
Likes: Old stories
Dislikes: ''Heroes of justice''
Talent: Stoicism
Armament: Bare hands
Catalyst: One stone from the Palmares's ruin

Class Skills:

Madness Enhancement E ~ B-
Zumbi fought for an ideal. Not a simple selfish ideal, but a

anger

desire

stronger than what anyone can understand,

anger

desire

that wasn't only his.
He is in this class because he absorbed the

anger

desire

of many, and it affect this skill. The more

compressed anger

desire for freedom

have the place where he is summoned, the stronger this skill.
"AAAAAHH! KILL! KILL THEM! KILL THEM!"

Personal Skills:

Capoeira A
An unorthodox fighting style created by Brazilian slaves, in the colonial ages. It originated from African culture but was adapted by slaves to deceive their masters, what created a very unique style, one that will confuse even heroes. It includes Eye of the Mind (True) at C rank and a effect similar to Sense of Subtle Elegance , both sealed if the Madness Enhancement is higter than C- rank.
"But don't matter how mad I go, my body will never forget these moviments."

Stoicism D+ ~ B-
The ability to resist high amounts of pain. With this the servant can continue fighting even when otherwise incapacitated by pain or spells and effects that provoke pain.
With Madness Enhancement this skill can go up several ranks.
"You... will... FALL!"

Disengage A ~ E
Can restart the battle or flee easily. At A rank so long as there is enough magical energy to keep the servant intact, the Servant can retreat even in the most unfavourable conditions and reach a safe location to heal. They also gain bonuses to defence while fleeing, and gain a chance to launch a surprise attack on their opponent if they attempt to pursue. Also has the ability to return an unfavourable battle to the first turn, along with the status of the battlers.
Zumbi survived battles, ambushes and betrays, his unnusual ability to withdraw earned him the legend of 'immortal'. With the loss of sanity, this skill can be almost completely sealed.
"I am a runaway slave, I need this skill."

Lore

"Leader, you know the worst thing a human can do? Haha no, this don't come even close. Let me tell you a story...
One day, a long time ago, a man saw suffering without end.
No, that man wasn't suffering this much, but saw others in this condition.
The same people as his, bearing so much sadness that he couldn't even imagine.
Then, one day, he decided to free then of this, to make justice with his own hands.
This man abandoned everything he had to fight for his people...
But wasn't enough. The man was defeated... surviving to fight another day.
He tried to begin the fight again, and then was betrayed.
Not wanting to give up, he tried several more times
But
Even this
Wasn't enough.
Time after time, he was betrayed, ambushed or defeated.
Until the definitive defeat came.
This is the worst thing a human can do. Fight for justice
Ah, sorry leader. I made you hear boring senseless things. Then I will tell the story from another point of view...

On a certain country, slavery was a national policy. It wasn't so uncomon at that time, but they say that that country had more slaves than any other.
With so many slaves, obviously it would have fugitives.
These fugitives created 'quilombos', villages, where they could follow their culture and liberty. There was that quilombo called 'Palmares', the biggest of all. Seriously, they say that it was bigger than Portugal.
There I was born. I was captured when six years-old, but luckly was given to a kind priest. Many didn't had this luck.
With him I learned portuguese and latin. He baptized me with the name 'Francisco'.
I saw the ones who didn't have my luck. The slaves. Same people as me, but with a life completely diferent...
Seeing that I wanted to... free then, help then... indignation boiled inside me, so strong that I almost threw up.

Fleeing away, I found Palmares. My homeland.
The leader, Ganga Zumba, took a liking for me for some reason. He teached me many things, like capoeira and my people's culture.
After the battle with Manuel Lopes, I became famous. Something about my warrior proeficiency... they even created a nickname for me, '

Spectre

Zumbi

', saying that I'm 'immortal like a spectre'. I even got maried. Her name was Dandara... she was really beautifull.
Some time after, tired of the continuous warfare, the white people offered a deal. Our leader Ganga Zumba accepted...
But I couldn't accept it.
With that deal only we would be free. All the other brothers would continue in slavery, and I couldn't accept that.
Many came to my side and I became the leader of Palmares.
Few days after, Ganga Zumba died poisoned. No, it wasn't me.
That was right before I found out that he was my uncle. The last one in my family.
Still, we fought. For many years we survived several invasions and bloody battles. When the defeat came, it was merciless. I lost my home, my people, my love.

But survived. Both my body and my conviction. Even defeated, I still wanted to fight.
I think that was when 'he' betrayed me. Again, I almost died, but my will persisted.
Again and again, I tried, was betrayed, ambushed or defeated.
Even if you embodies every hope, every desire, you still will be hated and betrayed by someone.
People want warriors, leaders want martyrs. I was both, and still no one smiled at the very end.
That's why, leader... you can never go after the illusion called 'justice'... only suffering lies in this path. Believe me, I experienced it firsthand.
Hm? Leader is sleeping?
...
Ah, I did it again..."

Personality

Calm and airheaded. Zumbi likes to tell and hear long stories, frequently speaking for a whole night. He doesn't like 'heroes of justice', but can't disguise his own old ideals, and will struggle if have to chose between 'justice' and 'victory'. Depending on the situation he will follow his master without any words of complain, but more often will suggest and follow another plan or course of action that he judges be better.

It is, if the Madness Enhancement permits.
He will restrain himself with all his might,"Ganga Zumba... wouldn't like... to see me like this..." but if the Madness Enhancement reaches rank C-, he lose all sanity.
Like a common berserker, he won't be able to speak or think and will become a raging beast. However a little of his sanity will always resist, and only in hard battles that he will really lose all restraints and 'go berserk'.
Of course, this can considerably increase his parameters, but some skills will be negatively affected.
His desire for the grail is "be able to talk with his uncle one last time".

NP

Immortal Spectre

Zumbi

"I abandoned even my name to fight for my brothers..."

Rank: D
Type: Self, Allways active.

The crystalization of his ideal and legend, The one who felt our pains and took they with him the proof that he is the champion of his people.
Zumbi allways use several rags to cover his body, so that the minimum possible of his skin stays bare.
To not disgust people with his many scars. Over all his body, scars everywhere.
Every scar contains a certain amount of magical energy and a cure spell. When activated, he can cure nearly fatal wonds by 'consuming' one scar.
It's not like every scar is a life, they only hold a certain amount of power. To revive he will have to use up more scars, if it is from instant death many scars have to be used. There is no way to retrieve the scars.

Rage

Palmares

"... and that is all I had in the end"

Rank: B++
Type: Anti-army
Range: 10Km

Anger

Desire

is what created the ideal,
What created his legend,
What created Palmares.
A massive cluster of

anger

desire

.
All that

anger

desire

is chained inside his body. If unleashed, it can be unthinkably destructive.
When activated, all Mana in 10Km is burned instantly and all Od inside every living being in this range will be converted to a curse. This curse makes any survivor or who comes near the local of the explosion feel massive pain, sufficient to go insane. A high-level magic or curse resistance can block the worst effects, but normal people will commit suicide if affected. The more magical capacity the affected have, the more powerfull the curse.
It is possible to escape, but only with AGL of rank B or highter. If Zumbi is insane, he won't escape and will die too"There... is no better end... than die from what lived inside me...".

Bond CE

Ruined Dream

(The last stone from Palmares)

"One day, a certain man lived.
One day, a certain man fought for a certain ideal.
One day, a certain man who fought for a certain ideal, did everything he could for his people.
Today, this stone is all that remainsIt is, outside the people's hearts

[Kabalisto Koga]

A quite good profil as i read/saw what his wish is ,it has become wonderfull profile ,with exception of the Kamikaze hougu , sorry for asking but could you explain who was the palmares ? And how do you find my last profiles ??

[SleepMode]

Zumbi dos Palmares 2.0: Definitely better than version 1.0, in both overall presentation and writing. If there were nitpicks I would give, it would be organizing his Lore dialogue (like leave spaces between certain dialogue clusters...).

Also, the Immortal Warrior np seemed kind of bland; given that it heals fatal wounds, why not say it instantly activates upon a fatal strike and take out the Battle Continuation Skill since it's kind of redundant? Perhaps include a description that the Scars are taken in the place of others, so they don't have to suffer the pain, or something?

[MehKitteh]

Zumbi looks great. And I do agree with SleepMode, Battle Continuation is kinda redundant with his NP. I think that you should change it to Unyielding Will or something.

[Criarino]

A quite good profil as i read/saw what his wish is ,it has become wonderfull profile ,with exception of the Kamikaze hougu , sorry for asking but could you explain who was the palmares?

As said in the lore section, Palmares is the name of the largest

village of runaway slaves

quilombo

.

And how do you find my last profiles ??

With the search tool
The same said before. You are clearly improving, but still have faults (like the wank level and english)

Zumbi dos Palmares 2.0: Definitely better than version 1.0, in both overall presentation and writing. If there were nitpicks I would give, it would be organizing his Lore dialogue (like leave spaces between certain dialogue clusters...).

Fixed. I hope it is better now.

Also, the Immortal Warrior np seemed kind of bland; given that it heals fatal wounds, why not say it instantly activates upon a fatal strike and take out the Battle Continuation Skill since it's kind of redundant?

You have a point, but with the Battle Continuation I meant something like "look mom, I can resist high amounts of damage without having to stop fighting!" and with the Immortal Warrior "look mom, I can come back from the dead!"

Perhaps include a description that the Scars are taken in the place of others, so they don't have to suffer the pain, or something?

Oooh, good idea... I added something like this but was more in the path "he fought for us, so he is like us", as I think this fits better his legend.

- - - Updated - - -

Zumbi looks great. And I do agree with SleepMode, Battle Continuation is kinda redundant with his NP. I think that you should change it to Unyielding Will or something.

I wanted him to have 4 skills, and at first thought about Unyielding will too, but as he abandoned his ideal and now say that hates heroes of justice I decided to don't add it.

[pinetree]

Zumbi: He's cool, could definitely use some English checking though, specially the lore. Also is calling white people "the white ones" is really silly, they're foreigners not aliens.

I don't quite like his Rage NP, I think there's a lot more you could do with a grudge against slavery. His other NP is cool but I agree with others that it makes Battle Continuation redundant, if you want to keep it I would tie the skill to the effect of the NP somehow.

- - - Updated - - -

Also is there any reason you're calling him Spectre instead of, y'know, Zombie?

[Criarino]

Zumbi: He's cool, could definitely use some English checking though, specially the lore. Also is calling white people "the white ones" is really silly, they're foreigners not aliens.

I don't quite like his Rage NP, I think there's a lot more you could do with a grudge against slavery. His other NP is cool but I agree with others that it makes Battle Continuation redundant, if you want to keep it I would tie the skill to the effect of the NP somehow.

- - - Updated - - -

Also is there any reason you're calling him Spectre instead of, y'know, Zombie?

Sorry, I know that my english isn't good. I will try to fix it. For 'the white ones', I really don't know why it came out this way... it only was the thing that came to mind when writing it.

I tried very hard to think about a more fitting NP, but I didn't want it to become a ''cliche liberty np" like the Zumbi in the other thread, and that was the best I could do.

for the Battle Continuation, I explained it in the post above.

haha yeah I know it is strange, but when searching around I found out that this "Zumbi" isn't from our portuguese

zombie

zumbi

, but from an african language in which it means "spectre"

[pinetree]

Sorry, I know that my english isn't good. I will try to fix it. For 'the white ones', I really don't know why it came out this way... it only was the thing that came to mind when writing it.

Just use the white people or the white men, that should be fine.

I tried very hard to think about a more fitting NP, but I didn't want it to become a ''cliche liberty np" like the Zumbi in the other thread, and that was the best I could do.

Yeah I can understand that. Two ideas I have is either something like Bryn with his weapon doing more damage the higher his ME is, or something relating connecting the rage with his role as a king?

for the Battle Continuation, I explained it in the post above.

Yeah I saw it, but BC really is more of a "I can keep going even when fucked" than a "doesn't matter, I can take it". If you want to portray his endurance then I think you should use or create a different skill.

haha yeah I know it is strange, but when searching around I found out that this "Zumbi" isn't from our portuguese

zombie

zumbi

, but from an african language in which it means "spectre"

I think I heard something like that before. Fair enough.

[Criarino]

Just use the white people or the white men, that should be fine.

^fixed

Yeah I saw it, but BC really is more of a "I can keep going even when fucked" than a "doesn't matter, I can take it". If you want to portray his endurance then I think you should use or create a different skill.

Ok them, replaced it for Stoicism, as it have the same effect I wished still don't know if this skill is canon or not, though

Yeah I can understand that. Two ideas I have is either something like Bryn with his weapon doing more damage the higher his ME is, or something relating connecting the rage with his role as a king?

I really don't hate that NP... At first I wanted a "massive burst of destruction that can even destroy the user" and thought that a 'uncontroled rage burst that can destroy and curse people like a nuclear weapon' NP was fitting enough for a berserker, aside that it isn't the first time we see a NP completely unrelated to the servant's legend (what the hell Excalibur have in common with a golden motion wave gun? And Altera's photon ray...) but... yeah, I understand what you say. The "something to do with his role as king" is a very good idea, tomorrow I will try to do something about this if I have time.