Create-a-Servant

[aldeayeah]

Maybe not, but there's a certain saying I'm a fan of: "Buck up, sunshine". Nothing that was said was anything other than constructive as people told him exactly why they felt there were issues, so there's a certain expectation that people posting their creations will take said criticisms relatively graciously. Especially as it's the internet, and anyone who can't take criticism like this (which was honestly rather mild and helpful in tone for the most part) is not going to do well in most areas of the internet beyond BL.

It's a fact that he should take criticism better. On the other hand, it's a fact that people could make their criticism more empathetic.

If the same thing keeps happening again and again, chances are both sides should think things over.

[Seika]

If, to put it bluntly, lazy bastards keep coming on here to post stuff which ends up contradicting 90% of what we know about Servants - because they either haven't bothered to research properly or have just thrown that research out the door when they didn't like what it told them - I really don't think it's our fault. (And this sheet is worse, because it doesn't even fit the historical person it's exalting, never mind what it does to the fictional mechanics it should be operating under). You keep calling Anon 'creative'. No, this is just rubbish. Creativity is as much about working to your best within restraints as making any random crap up. Besides, we have had success with getting them to stop being lazy bastards when they've engaged with everyone properly and haven't been absurdly sensitive to criticism: look at I3uster.

I don't get anyone in the Avenger class. That's like putting Heroic Spirits in the "Assasin, Sasaki Kojiro" Class.

In all fairness, Pandora's actually got similarities to 'our' Avenger. Depending on how it's explained, I think it could work (or at least not break SoD).

[I3uster]

People make Assassins that arent Hassans all the time, so eh, why not.

[Verg Avesta]

Eh, I find it a bit of a pet peeve of mine since it has been said that Abe is the only one who can be summoned as "Avenger", or, rather: Angra = Avenger. What annoys me is that some people tend to put their Servants as "Avenger" because it's "Edgy" and "Cool", like this was 90's superhero comic.

People make Assassins that aren't Hassans all the time, so eh, why not.

Assassin is a bit different, thanks to Extra.

[Vagrant]

Well, it's outright stated that the criteria for Avenger class are so very narrow that only one person can actually fit into it, and given that there are no known Base Parameters, Class Skills or obvious roles to fill I don't generally see the point in making up an Avenger. The only time I might see someone doing so (and the reason I'm doing so) is for the flavour of the class, which is oddly specific in the whole "You must be reviled and save the world through being hated" sort of thing, if it's being used for a story. I would hate to see Avenger as a playable class in an RP or a game or something, but in a story it can sometimes, very occasionally, work. Pandora is pretty much the only person I've found other than Angry Manjew who fits that flavour of the Avenger class, so I was mucking around writing up a bio for her.

Of course, my other Pandora bio is even weirder but that has a lot of kinks to work out first, and is very tenuous to say the least.

[aldeayeah]

Maybe I'm wrong, Seika. But I had this same conversation with Baiken years ago. He didn't listen, and eventually burned out because of the conflicts he had created himself.

This is veering wildly offtopic, so if anyone wants to respond to this, send me a PM or something.

[I3uster]

I could totally remake Tohno as CG without wank with less wank <.<

But I know that someone else is working on it so let's let the guy do it first. Besides my Tohno was derp anyway since he could only cut NPs, and we now know that Servants are fair game.

I think I'll whip something up, been to long since I made a sheet not for an RP. But fictional, gotta save all my real ones for EXTRA lol.

[Gunbazca]

Well, India needs an Assassin so~
=============

Ashwatthama
"That coward..."


Image obtained from astayoga's Deviantart page

The Cowardly Brahmin that Seeks to be a Kshatriya.
Ashwatthama was the only son of the renowned teacher-of-arms and brahmin sage, Dronacharya. Ashwatthama was born into a life of poverty. For a while, he and his mother lived in squalor as his father looked for a worthy patron. A chance encounter then landed Dronacharya on the position of royal arms tutor to the kingdom of Hastinapura’s many princes, the Pandava and Kaurava. Despite his destiny to learn the sacred texts as a brahmin, Ashwatthama lived alongside the one hundred and five kshatriya his father tutors. This would later be his own undoing...

Possible Class: Assassin
Master: ???

Parameters:
* Alignment: Neutral Evil
* Noble Phantasm: B
* Strength: D+
* Endurance: D
* Agility: B+
* Mana: C
* Luck: D


Class Skills:

* Presence Concealment A+
(Assassin-specific class skill)
This skill enables a Servant to hide his true nature as a supernatural being. With this high aptitude to the skill, Ashwatthama can make his presence seemingly disappear into thin air. Preparations should be made to strike upon the hiding Ashwatthama; otherwise, attacks have a 25% chance to hit at best.


Personal skills:

* Discernment of The Poor B
Years of brahmin education and living in disenfranchised exile has given Ashwatthama the knack to discern between lies and truth. However, if a small lie is sufficiently layered with truth and presented to Ashwatthama in an opportune time, it can slip through.

* Disengage B
Ashwatthama’s ability to break away from combat is quite something. Opponent’s efforts to track him down will have a 50% chance to simply fail.


Noble Phantasms:

* Vanshahatya [Discontinuation of an Empire]
Anti-Unit/Anti-Army
Target: up to 5
Rank: D
In the aftermath of a major battle (in this case, a Servant Battle) he witnessed, Ashwatthama can invoke all of his learnings in the art of stealth to deal a finishing blow to people present in battle. This NP improves Ashwatthama's Presence Concealment, STR, and AGI by a + mark, but only if he is in the process of chasing his designated targets. This NP could only be done within 24 hours after a Servant battle Ashwatthama also witnessed, and it can only target the belligerents and witnesses of such battle. This NP's effect will only last for a duration of 12 hours, but it can be voluntarily dismissed.

* Brahmastra Apurna [The Undoing of Creation]
Anti-Unit
Target: 1, but will automatically target another human or servant after the target dies
Rank: B
The art Ashwatthama learned from his father Drona, this Brahmastra is an imperfect one. The Brahmastra has the same properties to similar invocations learned by Karna and Arjuna, and it will strike an opposing target without fail and is all but impossible to dodge. It is also a very strong attack that can kill most Servants without the benefit of the Divinity or Magic Resistance skill. The difference is that Ashwatthama’s Brahmastra cannot be retracted once it was invoked. Thus, the only way to end this weapon's rampage is either to kill Ashwatthama (or his Master), or deplete his prana supply. Also, should this weapon came into contact with another Brahmastra, the resulting blast will be cataclysmic and can cause a tear in the fabric of reality.

=============
I used the wayang representation of him for the image, because all the other images in DevArt depicts him as horse-headed (to be fair, it IS a part of his name). Since i don't want him to look and sound like Stallion (the Words Worth character known for the quote "Your resistance is only making my p0n0s harder!") in my head, i choose this look.

[Schattenbach]

Question: I read some interpretations that suggest Pandora was "fated to open the box"/"made so that she would open the box" (and so had no choice as to not open the box)... as well that "hope itself" was viewed more or less as a negativ trait back then (thats why it apperantly got sealed together with "all the worlds evil" or whatever). What´s up with that?

[Seika]

Question: I read some interpretations that suggest Pandora was "fated to open the box"/"made so that she would open the box" (and so had no choice as to not open the box)... as well that "hope itself" was viewed more or less as a negativ trait back then (thats why it apperantly got sealed together with "all the worlds evil" or whatever). What´s up with that?

Fate in Greek mythology ... well, I've already given a little lecture on it. But it's very much something which tends to work together with human will. You try to avoid the prophecy, and your own actions bring it about. Or a person who has knowledge of fate will resign themselves to the fated outcome, despite there seeming to be a better choice for them and nothing necessarily blocking them from taking that choice. In short, Pandora may have been fated to open the cask, but may also have actively chosen it, and these would not be contradictory.

I'll check up the later sources in a sec, but Hesiod is always my first resort. In that, the cask is only mentioned as Pandora seems to open it. To me, that indicates that it's a metaphor which got understood as literal later on. The acceptance of woman by man is the true 'opening of the flask', which causes all evil to come into the world. (It's worth noting that in the Theogony, no cask is mentioned at all. Women themselves are a punishment, and punishment enough).

Hope could be understood negatively, yes. A professional opinion:

Hesiod leaves it ambiguous as to whether Hope is the one solace left for men in the now troubled world, or is simply one more of the troubles brought by woman. The Greeks did not generally speak well of hope: her constant epithet is tuphlos - 'blind'.

[Schattenbach]

Thanks for the answer.

[Lycodrake]

@ Lyco - Sorry I am late in responding, but I thought Yu was great! As I was reading it it I was thinking, "Damn, Lyco! You see!? You can really do it when you try!" My only questions are these: 1. Under what conditions are his stats lowered (since I notice he has lower stats next to his regular stats listed)? 2. In the description for his axe, you mention a snake general and a tortoise general. For me that comes out of left field. Who or what are these two "generals"? Are they names for abilities the axe grants him?

Asdfghl also brought up an interesting question as to how his immunity from water works. Can he walk on water like Saber does in Zero?

The Snake General and Tortoise General are a part of the Black Tortoise Xuanwu, aka [in Japanese] as Genbu. The Snake is lesser known in Western culture and myth, though.

Damn it. Mine is still not even half-completed, but I had the exact same idea. It's perfect for Pandora. Cain I kind of get as Avenger but I think it may be a bit tenuous, as opposed to there being fairly ample evidence that Pandora's myth was totally corrupted to make a "women are evilz" message. And Longinus I don't really get as Avenger but I'd look forward to seeing it. I like Lycodrake bios.

Thanks. ^^

I don't get anyone in the Avenger class. That's like putting Heroic Spirits in the "Assasin, Sasaki Kojiro" Class.

I understand the sentiment, but given the concept of Avenger, that is the villager who became the crystalization of All Evils of the World - Angra Mainyu, I just want to try devising a few from that idea and template.


@asdfghl: Finally getting to your commentary...
On Protection from Water, it applies directly to those things that are conceived or viewed as an attack. A splash of water would do the same thing to him as any other human.
The rank down on the axe Xuan Wu...I probably could and should erase that. ^^;

[Asdfghl]

Concept: An Assassin who can defend himself and can not be trapped. How could he not be trapped? He could cut through the trap. With what? Daggers. But what about the obligatory Self-Modification?


Hassan i Sabbah (the twelfth)
A Hassan I Sabbah, one of the nineteen leaders of the Hashashin. This Hassan, in life, was incredibly skilled in discreet assassination. He possessed some talent with disguise, but his trump card was the concealed knives under his skin. He could walk up to his target, pat them on the back, twist his wrist (or elbow or knee or foot or shoulder or neck etc) in a way that temporarily allowed a blade to pop out, stab in the right spot for a one hit KO, retract the blade, and walk away, weaponless. If he was caught, he could easily excape rope restraints, strangleholds, or tackles. His ability, combined with training, allowed him to turn his body into a weapon. However, in life, this technique was ridiculously impractical due to the fact that he was wounded as well. As a Servant, with enough Prana, he can surpass that limitation and reach his true potential. Sword swung at him? Extend blade from impact spot as makeshift shield. In a melee duel? Just grab the opponent and twist your arm. Since the blades come out at odd angles, his limbs are bent oddly and as such become harder to predict and counter.


Class Skills


Presence Concealment


Personal Skills


Self-Modification A


Noble Phantasm

A Zabinaya: Delusional Bladed Body
E: Blades concealed within this Hassan's body. They are positioned so that normal movement is possible without their extension. An abnormal position allows them to poke through.



Yes, I realize that his Zabinaya isn't a sure kill, but it's meant to be used as a surprise weapon.

[food]

So his true identity is Emiya Shirou.

[Asdfghl]

Shiro except no idiocy, cooking skills, or UBW and with the swordwoundknittingthing taken further and used offensively.

[aldeayeah]

I thought it'd be cool to make a guy with an OP Noble Phantasm:

True name: Phaëthon
Class: Rider
Alignment: Chaotic Good

Appearance
A handsome young man, with curly blond hair, golden eyes and tanned skin.
He wears a headband and long robes, with straps around the shoulders and the waist [chiton].
His only weapon is a staff [kentron] (actually a charioteer's goad).
As for his personality, he's boastful and stubborn, although somewhat reluctant.

Backstory
The mortal son of Helios, the Sun Titan.
When his father met him, the god swore to grant him any favor as proof of paternity.
The youth asked him to let him drive the Sun across the sky for a single day.
However, he lost control of the chariot and set the world on fire.
To prevent a worse catastrophe, he was struck dead by Zeus' lightning.
His inconsolable lover, King Cycnus, was turned into a swan by the gods.
His epitaph lamented his folly, yet celebrated his bravery:

Here Phaëthon lies who in his father's chariot fared;
and though greatly he failed, more greatly he dared.

Parameters
STR D
AGI B
CON D
MGI A
LCK B

Skills

Riding A-
Can ride all kinds of magical beasts.
However, each round a skill check is needed to maintain the control of the mount.

Divinity B
A full demigod (son of a sun god).

Protection from Flames A
Doesn't take damage from natural or supernatural fire.
This ability can be shared with his Master.
When in use, it gives the skin a noticeable oily texture.

Noble Phantasm

Helios - Chariot of the Sun

Type: Anti-Fortress
Range: 1-99
Max targets: 1000
Rank: A+++

The chariot of a solar deity, pulled by the four divine horses Pyrois, Eous, Aethon and Phlegon.
For everyone within line of sight, the chariot will become the Sun itself.
(* If this happens in daytime, then the Sun will seemingly disappear from the sky.)
Its capable of flight with a maximum speed of about 1700kph.
(* This is the maximum perceived speed of the Sun as it moves through the sky.)

The effects on the surrounding objects and creatures depend on the distance:
<1m: Instantaneous plasmization of matter. Receives the full brunt of the attack.
<5m: Instantaneous melting/sublimation of materials. Equivalent to a continuous Rank A fire spell.
<10m: Instantaneous combustion of human flesh. Equivalent to a continuous Rank B fire spell.
<20m: Instantaneous combustion of dry wood. Equivalent to a continuous Rank C fire spell.
<50m: Instantaneous permanent blindness if looked upon (LCK check). Equivalent to a continuous Rank D fire spell.
<100m: Instantaneous temporary blindness if looked upon (LCK check). Equivalent to a continuous Rank E fire spell.

Its defensive abilities are such that it's impervious to most brute-strength attacks.
(* Basically, nothing short of a Gae Bolg - Flying Death Strike will scratch it)

The maximum duration of the attack is five minutes; at that point, Rider's magical energy is completely exhausted.

Because of its conspicuous nature, and the unavoidable collateral damage, it is a very impractical weapon - at best it's overkill, at worst it's unusable.

[G-Man]

@ Asdfghl - I like him (he perfectly embodies the Assassin Class in that battle against Servants would be hopeless so he has to target Masters), but his NP is too high ranked. Rank C For hiding ordinary blades (that aren't even coated with poison like the normal Darks the Hassan use) inside his body? That's a Rank E NP if ever I heard of one.

@ aldeayeah - Reminds me of the time I did the pilot of the Enola Gay as a joke Servant (I had wanted to make the most overpowered but impractical Servant ever).

[Seika]

His epitaph lamented his folly, yet celebrated his bravery:

Here Phaëthon lies who in Helios' chariot fared;
and though greatly he failed, more greatly he dared.

Here lies Phaethon, driver of his father's chariot:
whom, though he could not control it, at least died in the midst of his great and reckless act

(Some concision is lost in the hunt for a precise translation. You may be able to tell. )

[Asdfghl]

I thought it'd be cool to make a guy with an OP Noble Phantasm:
... perfect timing. I have one of this guy too.
True name: Phaëthon
Class: Rider
Alignment: Chaotic Good

Appearance
A handsome young man, with curly blond hair, golden eyes and tanned skin.
He wears a headband and long robes, with straps around the shoulders and the waist [chiton].
His only weapon is a staff [kentron] (actually a charioteer's goad).
As for his personality, he's boastful and stubborn, although somewhat reluctant. To back up his words?

Backstory
The mortal son of Helios, the Sun Titan.
When his father met him, the god swore to grant him any favor as proof of paternity.
The youth asked him to let him drive the Sun across the sky for a single day.
However, he lost control of the chariot and set the world on fire.
To prevent a worse catastrophe, he was struck dead by Zeus' lightning.
His inconsolable lover, King Cycnus, was turned into a swan by the gods.
His epitaph lamented his folly, yet celebrated his bravery:

Here Phaëthon lies who in Helios' chariot fared;
and though greatly he failed, more greatly he dared.

Parameters
STR D
AGI B
CON D
MGI A
LCK B

Skills

Riding A-
Can ride all kinds of magical beasts.
However, each round a skill check is needed to maintain the control of the mount.

Divinity B
A full demigod (son of a sun god).
In some stories, he's also the son of an Oceanid, so B+? A?

Protection from Flames A
Doesn't take damage from natural or supernatural fire.
This ability can be shared with his Master.
When in use, it gives the skin a noticeable oily texture.
The ointment of Flame Protection. Nice.
Noble Phantasm

Helios - Chariot of the Sun

Type: Anti-Fortress
Range: 1-99
Max targets: 1000
Rank: A+++

The chariot of a solar deity, pulled by the four divine horses Pyrois, Eous, Aethon and Phlegon.
For everyone within line of sight, the chariot will become the Sun itself.
(* If this happens in daytime, then the Sun will seemingly disappear from the sky.)
Its capable of flight with a maximum speed of about 1700kph.
(* This is the maximum perceived speed of the Sun as it moves through the sky.)
No wonder he lost control.

The effects on the surrounding objects and creatures depend on the distance:
<1m: Instantaneous plasmization of matter. Receives the full brunt of the attack.
<5m: Instantaneous melting/sublimation of materials. Equivalent to a continuous Rank A fire spell.
<10m: Instantaneous combustion of human flesh. Equivalent to a continuous Rank B fire spell.
<20m: Instantaneous combustion of dry wood. Equivalent to a continuous Rank C fire spell.
<50m: Instantaneous permanent blindness if looked upon (LCK check). Equivalent to a continuous Rank D fire spell.
<100m: Instantaneous temporary blindness if looked upon (LCK check). Equivalent to a continuous Rank E fire spell.

Its defensive abilities are such that it's impervious to most brute-strength attacks.
(* Basically, nothing short of a Gae Bolg - Flying Death Strike will scratch it)

The maximum duration of the attack is five minutes; at that point, Rider's magical energy is completely exhausted. Then he dies?

Because of its conspicuous nature, and the unavoidable collateral damage, it is a very impractical weapon - at best it's overkill, at worst it's unusable.
Wow. You managed to weaken a Servant by buffing his Noble Phantasm.

Pretty much the same as my version, except I wanked him into A++ Riding (rides ANYTHING that isn't a dragon super awesomely) and had him be obsessed with riding things (ha) to make him cocky enough to try to pilot the Sun, which is drawn by the four horses with Dragon attributes (so he failed horribly.). I also gave him Xiphos, Sword of Penetrating Light (yes I'm ashamed to admit I just saw Greek sword of piercing light on Wikipedia and thought AWESOME)

But enough about my version. Your Chariot of the Sun is great. It has the Noble Phantasm HAX factor, but Phaeton can't actually use it very well.


- - - Updated - - -

@ Asdfghl - I like him (he perfectly embodies the Assassin Class in that battle against Servants would be hopeless so he has to target Masters), but his NP is too high ranked. Rank C For hiding ordinary blades (that aren't even coated with poison like the normal Darks the Hassan use) inside his body? That's a Rank E NP if ever I heard of one.

Agreed. E seems more appropriate.

- - - Updated - - -

Here lies Phaethon, driver of his father's chariot:
whom, though he could not control it, at least died in the midst of his great and reckless act

(Some concision is lost in the hunt for a precise translation. You may be able to tell. )

Aldeayeah: He died, but at least he tried.
Seika: He tried, but at least he died.

(Also, can I have somebody look my Prokris profile over?)

[Seika]

Aldeayeah: He died, but at least he tried.
Seika: He tried, but at least he died.

magnis tamen excidit ausis.
great* but he died recklessness*

*these go together.

Basically, it depends on how you take a certain word in the Latin: does it refer to the verb (he died), or the adjective (great)? And the word-position is forced, so that doesn't help in deciphering it. The tone of the sentence is also obviously impacted by which you choose to believe it goes with: whilst ausis is very rarely positive, its meaning could at least be moderated if it's meant to refer to something halfway admirable (and that's all Phaethon's trip can be really, given that it nearly killed everything). So you get 'at least he died when he did this great outrage' or 'he died but it was a magnificent recklessness'.