Page 669 of 782 FirstFirst ... 169569619659664667668669670671674679719769 ... LastLast
Results 13,361 to 13,380 of 15627

Thread: Create-a-Servant

  1. #13361
    祖 Ancestor NMR-3's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Posts
    1,187
    Blog Entries
    1
    Quote Originally Posted by RoydGolden View Post
    Servant Lancer:

    True Name: Kekrops I
    Never heard of him before.

    Title: First And Eternal King of Athens

    Alignment
    : Lawful Neutral

    Summoning Catalyst: Branch broken off from the world's first olive tree

    Alternate Class: Caster

    Strength- C (B)
    Agility- B+ (A+)
    Endurance- C
    Mana- B
    Luck- A
    NP- B+

    Appearance: A young, beautiful looking man with fair skin and features. He has around shoulder length silvery toned hair, transitioning into a pale green color at the ends. He has striking orange eyes slitted like those of a snake. He dresses in an earthy toned kilt, an olive green tunic with silver armoring over the chest and shoulders, and simple brown sandals.

    Personality: Calm, reasoned and judicious. He is pious and is careful to honor the gods after every victory, in particular his patron Athena. Definitely a shrewd politician, who can be outright scheming at times (this trait has been exaggerated by Innocent Monster). He views the current city of Athens as "decadent" and desires to reclaim it from its current occupiers, shaping it into the shining and grand city of wisdom it was in ancient times. He has a strong rivalry with the nation of Sparta, deploring its citizens as brutes and barbarians. If summoned alongside a Spartan Heroic Spirit, he will likely abandon his usual composure go to any length to prove himself as superior.

    Likes: order, wisdom, idealized Athens
    Dislikes: Sparta, violence, chaos
    Talent: settling disputes
    Natural Enemy: Leonidas I


    Class Skills:

    Magic Resistance (C~A)- Cancels spells with a chant below two verses. Cannot defend against the likes of High Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals. With the aid of his Noble Phantasm- Dóry Eliás, his natural resistance rises to A-rank against forms of Magecraft qualifying as "curses".


    Personal Skills:

    Wisdom Of Divine Gift (A+)- Wisdom bestowed by the goddess, Athena. Lancer can display a variety of Skills at B~A ranked proficiency. These include Persuation, Navigation, Rhetoric, Territory Creation, Eye For Art and Eye Of The Mind (True). As the founder of Athens, he has the authority to utilize any skill practiced under his great city. Also, with the Master's permission these Skills can be taught to others insofar as they have the willingness to learn.

    Charisma (C+)- Ability to inspire others, and lead armies. At this rank, Charisma is sufficient to lead an entire prosperous city-state.

    Natural Body (A)- Possession of a flawless human body from birth. Lancer was born unsullied from the soil of Athens itself, and his body was so slender and lithe as to be mistaken for a serpent in the guise of a man. Grants a permanent Rank-Up to his Strength stat.

    Innocent Monster (C)- The nature of one whose legend has been distorted falsely by history. Due to the legends of him as a "Gemini" (half-man, half-snake), Lancer's personality in the War is altered to be more manipulative, scheming and cruel then he was in his mortal life. It doesn't make him physically a serpent, for that effect is instead subsumed under his Noble Phantasm- Kekrops Geminus.
    I dunno about this part. The other skills are good, it's just that the justification for this one is off.
    I'd keep Innocent Monster for those that were demonized by their legend. This guy, as far as I can tell, wasn't.
    Personally, I'd make this into Monstrous Strength or something.


    Noble Phantasms:


    Dóry Eliás- The Greatest Gift (B+, Anti-Unit): Spear symbolizing the founding of Athens. As part of a contest with the sea god Poseidon, Athena planted her spear into the ground from which it spawned the first ever olive tree. Moreover, the tree/spear became an icon of boundless wisdom surpassing mere treasures or wealth. Its nature is synonymous with Athens itself, "a city founded on wisdom". Though Kekrops never wielded the goddess's spear in life (unlike a certain Trojan King of Liars), its ties with his legend have granted him use of it as a Noble Phantasm. The spear itself is made of olive wood, with small leafy branches growing out along the shaft. As the Olive was considered a holy tree in Greek Mythology, it was a custom for people to put branches of it on their doorsteps to ward off evil. Being the first ever Olive tree, its Anti-Evil properties are immeasurably greater, literally burning "Evil" aligned beings at the touch as well as bolstering his natural Magic Resistance from C to A against curse-based Magecraft.
    Trojan King of Liars? Paris? I looked it up, and apparently he was known for his honesty, which is why he was asked to do the judgement.
    It can't be Hector, either. "King of Liars" makes me think Odysseus, but he's not Trojan at all. You've honestly got me stumped.

    The spear is actually still a living tree, and will grow back if broken into pieces. The oil seeping from it has a strong healing property when rubbed into flesh, acting as an ointment of sorts. It can't restore lost limbs or damage to vital organs, but relatively minor wounds can be closed over without much trouble. It also has a mental rejuvenation effect, making one feel as if one's troubles and burdens were melting away. Towards Evil-aligned targets the oil has the same effect as the spear itself, burning at their flesh and inflicting great pain.

    Kekrops Geminus
    - The Serpent-King (A, Support): The crystallization of Lancer's legend as a Gemini, a man with the lower-body of a serpent. Though in truth his reputation as such was merely an exaggeration of his naturally lithe and supple build, the legend itself takes form as a Noble Phantasm similiar to the bloodstained legends of a certain Romanian count. When invoked, Lancer's legs merge together into a great serpentine trunk, coated in a thick layer of shimmering green scales. He gains a Rank-Up to Agility, able to slither across the ground and strike at inhuman speed. His front teeth also become sharp like fangs and coated in a highly venomous saliva, capable of melting through solid rock in a matter of seconds. The venom can be injected into the target directly through a bite (almost assuring a lethal blow) or spat as an acidic projectile. As it makes him unto a Monstrous Beast, Lancer becomes vulnerable to any abilities or weapons with the Beast-Slaying attribute while this Noble Phantasm is in effect. Lancer hates using this Noble Phantasm due to how it twists his reputation. He'll only resort to it if judged absolutely necessary, or if forced by Command Seal.
    Okay. I'm honestly doubtful "Gemini" is a half-man half-serpent, especially in Greek, since it's the Latin term for "twins" and associated with Castor and Pollux.
    The idea itself is neat, though.
    All in all, he sort of feels like a discount version of Cadmus, who founded Thebes, was also a dragon, etc.

  2. #13362
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Location
    Hitogashima
    Age
    56
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    13,080
    Blog Entries
    1
    Just when I was about to give up on getting feedback on my sheet you came around. Thanks a million!!

    Quote Originally Posted by NMR-3

    Servant Lancer:

    True Name: Kekrops I
    Never heard of him before.

    Title: First And Eternal King of Athens

    Alignment
    : Lawful Neutral

    Summoning Catalyst: Branch broken off from the world's first olive tree

    Alternate Class: Caster

    Strength- C (B)
    Agility- B+ (A+)
    Endurance- C
    Mana- B
    Luck- A
    NP- B+

    Appearance: A young, beautiful looking man with fair skin and features. He has around shoulder length silvery toned hair, transitioning into a pale green color at the ends. He has striking orange eyes slitted like those of a snake. He dresses in an earthy toned kilt, an olive green tunic with silver armoring over the chest and shoulders, and simple brown sandals.

    Personality: Calm, reasoned and judicious. He is pious and is careful to honor the gods after every victory, in particular his patron Athena. Definitely a shrewd politician, who can be outright scheming at times (this trait has been exaggerated by Innocent Monster). He views the current city of Athens as "decadent" and desires to reclaim it from its current occupiers, shaping it into the shining and grand city of wisdom it was in ancient times. He has a strong rivalry with the nation of Sparta, deploring its citizens as brutes and barbarians. If summoned alongside a Spartan Heroic Spirit, he will likely abandon his usual composure go to any length to prove himself as superior.

    Likes: order, wisdom, idealized Athens
    Dislikes: Sparta, violence, chaos
    Talent: settling disputes
    Natural Enemy: Leonidas I


    Class Skills:

    Magic Resistance (C~A)- Cancels spells with a chant below two verses. Cannot defend against the likes of High Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals. With the aid of his Noble Phantasm- Dóry Eliás, his natural resistance rises to A-rank against forms of Magecraft qualifying as "curses".


    Personal Skills:

    Wisdom Of Divine Gift (A+)- Wisdom bestowed by the goddess, Athena. Lancer can display a variety of Skills at B~A ranked proficiency. These include Persuation, Navigation, Rhetoric, Territory Creation, Eye For Art and Eye Of The Mind (True). As the founder of Athens, he has the authority to utilize any skill practiced under his great city. Also, with the Master's permission these Skills can be taught to others insofar as they have the willingness to learn.

    Charisma (C+)- Ability to inspire others, and lead armies. At this rank, Charisma is sufficient to lead an entire prosperous city-state.

    Natural Body (A)- Possession of a flawless human body from birth. Lancer was born unsullied from the soil of Athens itself, and his body was so slender and lithe as to be mistaken for a serpent in the guise of a man. Grants a permanent Rank-Up to his Strength stat.

    Innocent Monster (C)- The nature of one whose legend has been distorted falsely by history. Due to the legends of him as a "Gemini" (half-man, half-snake), Lancer's personality in the War is altered to be more manipulative, scheming and cruel then he was in his mortal life. It doesn't make him physically a serpent, for that effect is instead subsumed under his Noble Phantasm- Kekrops Geminus.
    I dunno about this part. The other skills are good, it's just that the justification for this one is off.
    I'd keep Innocent Monster for those that were demonized by their legend. This guy, as far as I can tell, wasn't.
    Personally, I'd make this into Monstrous Strength or something.
    This Skill was more of an after-thought then the other three, admittedly. I included it as justification for the more morally ambiguous ("serpentine") personality I gave him, having been inspired somewhat by his portrayal as a villain in The Last Olympian series of YA novels.


    Noble Phantasms:


    Dóry Eliás- The Greatest Gift (B+, Anti-Unit): Spear symbolizing the founding of Athens. As part of a contest with the sea god Poseidon, Athena planted her spear into the ground from which it spawned the first ever olive tree. Moreover, the tree/spear became an icon of boundless wisdom surpassing mere treasures or wealth. Its nature is synonymous with Athens itself, "a city founded on wisdom". Though Kekrops never wielded the goddess's spear in life (unlike a certain Trojan King of Liars), its ties with his legend have granted him use of it as a Noble Phantasm. The spear itself is made of olive wood, with small leafy branches growing out along the shaft. As the Olive was considered a holy tree in Greek Mythology, it was a custom for people to put branches of it on their doorsteps to ward off evil. Being the first ever Olive tree, its Anti-Evil properties are immeasurably greater, literally burning "Evil" aligned beings at the touch as well as bolstering his natural Magic Resistance from C to A against curse-based Magecraft.
    Trojan King of Liars? Paris? I looked it up, and apparently he was known for his honesty, which is why he was asked to do the judgement.
    It can't be Hector, either. "King of Liars" makes me think Odysseus, but he's not Trojan at all. You've honestly got me stumped.
    I was referring to Diomedes, whose title was apparently king of liars and who was famous for wielding Athena's spear in battle (and having her drive his chariot once). If it's not clear I'll add a clarification in the sheet itself, though.

    The spear is actually still a living tree, and will grow back if broken into pieces. The oil seeping from it has a strong healing property when rubbed into flesh, acting as an ointment of sorts. It can't restore lost limbs or damage to vital organs, but relatively minor wounds can be closed over without much trouble. It also has a mental rejuvenation effect, making one feel as if one's troubles and burdens were melting away. Towards Evil-aligned targets the oil has the same effect as the spear itself, burning at their flesh and inflicting great pain.


    Kekrops Geminus
    - The Serpent-King (A, Support): The crystallization of Lancer's legend as a Gemini, a man with the lower-body of a serpent. Though in truth his reputation as such was merely an exaggeration of his naturally lithe and supple build, the legend itself takes form as a Noble Phantasm similiar to the bloodstained legends of a certain Romanian count. When invoked, Lancer's legs merge together into a great serpentine trunk, coated in a thick layer of shimmering green scales. He gains a Rank-Up to Agility, able to slither across the ground and strike at inhuman speed. His front teeth also become sharp like fangs and coated in a highly venomous saliva, capable of melting through solid rock in a matter of seconds. The venom can be injected into the target directly through a bite (almost assuring a lethal blow) or spat as an acidic projectile. As it makes him unto a Monstrous Beast, Lancer becomes vulnerable to any abilities or weapons with the Beast-Slaying attribute while this Noble Phantasm is in effect. Lancer hates using this Noble Phantasm due to how it twists his reputation. He'll only resort to it if judged absolutely necessary, or if forced by Command Seal.
    Okay. I'm honestly doubtful "Gemini" is a half-man half-serpent, especially in Greek, since it's the Latin term for "twins" and associated with Castor and Pollux.
    The idea itself is neat, though.
    It literally means "dual" but it was used to refer to the race of snake-people Kekrops supposedly belonged to. That's what I read, anyway.


    Quote Originally Posted by NMR-3
    All in all, he sort of feels like a discount version of Cadmus, who founded Thebes, was also a dragon, etc.

    Never heard of the guy. I mean, I knew of the name, but I had no idea who he was or what he did.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Just added ruby-text above King of Liars to make it clear Diomedes was the one being referred to.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Thinking about it, was Diomedes ever even known as "King of Liars"? I recalled reading it somewhere once (maybe even in a Servant sheet), but now I can't find any sources at all recording him by that title. Did I just make it up wholesale?

    - - - Updated - - -

    Wait, was Cadmus the guy who killed a dragon once in a sacred grove and then got turned into a dragon later by Ares? I think I remember reading about that guy.

  3. #13363
    祖 Ancestor NMR-3's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Posts
    1,187
    Blog Entries
    1
    Diomedes isn't Trojan at all. He's Greek. I can't recall anything about King of Liars, either, though Wikipedia states he was mentioned alongside Odysseus as one of the stealthiest guys in their whole army.

    Think you made that up, yeah. Though I recall a sheet where he was a Caster and specialized in illusions.

    EDIT: it was this one by Seika.
    Last edited by NMR-3; March 1st, 2016 at 06:33 PM.

  4. #13364
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Location
    Hitogashima
    Age
    56
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    13,080
    Blog Entries
    1
    Quote Originally Posted by NMR-3 View Post
    Diomedes isn't Trojan at all. He's Greek. I can't recall anything about King of Liars, either, though Wikipedia states he was mentioned alongside Odysseus as one of the stealthiest guys in their whole army.

    Think you made that up, yeah. Though I recall a sheet where he was a Caster and specialized in illusions.

    EDIT: it was this one by Seika.
    Kind of made a fool of myself with the Diomedes reference, huh.

    Not only did I seemingly make up the nickname wholesale (I was thinking of the Caster Diomedes sheet you mentioned, but there was no mention of the title there either), I even got his nationality wrong! Obviously I got confused and mixed up "Trojan war" with "Trojan". I might just eliminate the King of Liars reference altogether, or simply refer to Diomedes outright.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Scrapped the Diomedes reference altogether.

  5. #13365
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Bird of Hermes's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Location
    England
    Age
    27
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    3,422
    US Friend Code
    139729726
    Blog Entries
    7
    Back from the bar shift, now for feedback. I haven't heard of this guy before but i'll do my best.

    The stats seem balanced and the skills seem pretty good however I do have some suggestions. For Wisdom of the Divine Gift - Chiron the Teacher of heroes has it at rank A+ as he was taught by the gods and taught many heroes, so i'd suggest lowering it to 'A'. Innocent Monster seems a bit redundant with the second NP, so maybe just scrap it. I understand it for the use for flavor but it doesn't really seem necessary.

    Now the NP's Dóry Eliás seems cool but reminds me of Romulus' NP with trees and spears but it is based on wisdom and not power so he kind of mirrors it. As for this Kekrops Geminus this seems good. Kinda like Legend of Dracula but we have barely any transformation NP's. Like at all, so that's fine.

    In short, he seems to be Medusa and Romulus thrown into a lancer cooking pot.

    I envision him as a rival/leader kind of servant. Acting as either Vlad III or Cu Chulainn.

  6. #13366
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Location
    Hitogashima
    Age
    56
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    13,080
    Blog Entries
    1
    Quote Originally Posted by The Bird of Hermes View Post
    Back from the bar shift, now for feedback. I haven't heard of this guy before but i'll do my best.

    The stats seem balanced and the skills seem pretty good however I do have some suggestions. For Wisdom of the Divine Gift - Chiron the Teacher of heroes has it at rank A+ as he was taught by the gods and taught many heroes, so i'd suggest lowering it to 'A'.
    I originally had it at B rank, but decided to raise it once I went with the "embodiment of Athens itself" idea for his sheet, so he has access to all the myriad Skills pioneered under Athens (which would be a hell of a lot, I'd imagine).


    Quote Originally Posted by The Bird of Hermes View Post
    Innocent Monster seems a bit redundant with the second NP, so maybe just scrap it. I understand it for the use for flavor but it doesn't really seem necessary.
    Kekrops Geminus is just the physical transformation though. Innocent Monster (as he has it) is a mental one, twisting his personality to be more serpentine, and is always active even when he's not in snake-man form.


    Quote Originally Posted by The Bird of Hermes View Post
    Now the NP's Dóry Eliás seems cool but reminds me of Romulus' NP with trees and spears but it is based on wisdom and not power so he kind of mirrors it. As for this Kekrops Geminus this seems good. Kinda like Legend of Dracula but we have barely any transformation NP's. Like at all, so that's fine.
    Glad you liked it. I was definitely inspired by Romulus's NP, yeah (and Romulus in general, to a lesser extent). The original concept for his NP made it even more blatant, with him stabbing it into the ground and calling forth a giant spectral Olive tree which has an invigorating effect to any allies within range. Ended up scrapping it as A: somewhat impractical (since he'd have to leave his spear in the ground while using it) and B: I already did the "giant tree" idea for my Saint Patrick sheet.


    Quote Originally Posted by The Bird of Hermes View Post
    In short, he seems to be Medusa and Romulus thrown into a lancer cooking pot.
    Why Medusa? Because of the monstrous aspect?

  7. #13367
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Bird of Hermes's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Location
    England
    Age
    27
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    3,422
    US Friend Code
    139729726
    Blog Entries
    7
    Yeah, they have the whole 'Aspect of the Monster' thing (maybe just replace innocent monster with that name as it involves mental transformation instead of physical.

    I've realised another thing. If my Yamata-no-Orochi is a 'Serpent-Saber' and Kerkrops I is the 'Serpent-Lancer' they would likely end up as rivals in a grail war.

  8. #13368
    All of Your Sadness Crying's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Location
    Ocean of Tears
    Posts
    310
    Blog Entries
    1
    I touched up Cleo a bit.

    Quote Originally Posted by SpoonyViking View Post
    Some general Cleopatra notes: her Strength seems a bit high. Also, if you intend for her to be able to create a variety of Mystic Codes, I'd suggest increasing the Rank to B; with Rank C, Semiramis is limited to poisons, for instance. And I'm not sure her Territory Creation should be A+. That said, I think you can make a case for her having Charisma A+.
    As for a Noble Phantasm, I do have a suggestion, but it's a bit of a Nasu-level creative interpretation. Would you be interested?

    Oh, and as for a faceclaim, how about this one? Apparently, it's by Osamu Tezuka. EDIT: ...And apparently, it's from an erotic anime. Well, at least she's clothed in that image. :-P



    ...Imagine that "magic wand", eh?
    Yeah sure, lay it on me man.

    Your suggestions for Alaric were good, so I have faith in you. ...for now.
    Certified F/GO hater.

    My Servants


    The starting penalty is five.


  9. #13369
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six SpoonyViking's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2015
    Location
    Rio de Janeiro, RJ - Brasil
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    8,256
    Quote Originally Posted by Crying View Post
    Yeah sure, lay it on me man.
    Your suggestions for Alaric were good, so I have faith in you. ...for now.
    Heh. Thanks for the vote of confidence, I guess. :-P

    So, you went with the idea that Cleopatra really was a reincarnation of sorts of Isis, right? So that gave me the idea of using one of Isis' symbols, the Knot of Isis (a sort of amulet which looks similar to an ankh), as her Noble Phantasm. At first, I thought it might grant Cleopatra High-Speed Divine Words since she doesn't have a spellcasting Skill, but eh, that's boring. So why not something which reflects both Isis' association with the afterlife and with renewal and rebirth? Here are some ideas:

    - The amulet grants Cleopatra Avalon-level regeneration and lets her heal others at the same level;
    - The amulet grants Cleopatra the ability to temporarily travel through the underworld (for as long as she spends the Prana), letting her stay out of harm's way and travel unimpeded to other locations (or just escaping if the going gets tough, though, the way I see it, it's not something to be used for teleport-dodging like Medea does);
    - The real-life amulet was sometimes used to protect the dead in their journey through the afterlife, so maybe Cleopatra's amulet could also protect her from magical effects (the wording needs work, of course, but I'm thinking anything from a Magus' spells, to Saber's Excaliblast, to Lancer's curse of reverse causality) of lower Rank?

  10. #13370
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Bird of Hermes's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Location
    England
    Age
    27
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    3,422
    US Friend Code
    139729726
    Blog Entries
    7
    That's hell of a lot better than 'Unlimited Vibrator Works' the rest of us seemed to be on the verge of making.

    EDIT

    Crying - I found another faceclaim that you may like which may suit the overall theme you're looking for: http://redjuice999.deviantart.com/ar...atra-377590813
    Last edited by Bird of Hermes; March 2nd, 2016 at 02:02 PM. Reason: Another Faceclaim

  11. #13371
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Location
    Hitogashima
    Age
    56
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    13,080
    Blog Entries
    1
    Servant Rider(s):

    True Name(s): Castor & Pollux

    Alignment: Neutral Good

    Strength- C
    Agility- B
    Endurance- B+
    Mana- C
    Luck- B
    NP- B+

    Appearance:

    (Left is Castor, right is Pollux)

    Personality
    : The two sisters are greatly clingy and affectionate towards each other. Castor has a more serious personality while Pollux is a bit of a goofball, so they clash frequently. But they really do care for each other. Also, don't mention "twincest" around them. Just... don't.

    Likes: each other, pure sisterly love
    Dislikes: harm coming to the other, "Sis-Con" insinuations
    Talent: horse riding (Castor), boxing (Pollux)
    Natural Enemy: "Anyone who'd hurt my beloved sister!" (both)


    Class Skills:

    Riding (A/B)- Ability to ride animals. Both sisters were deified as patrons of horses, but horse-riding was Castor's speciality in particular. Rank varies between sisters, with Castor having it at (A) and Pollux merely at (B).

    Magic Resistance (C)- Cancels spells with a chant below two verses. Cannot defend against Magecraft on the level of High-Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals. For heroes from the Age Of Gods, they possess comparatively low rank in this Skill due to not having encountered sorcery very much in life.


    Personal Skills:

    Pygmachia (A++/X)- Ancient Greek art of fist-fighting. At this rank, one's talent can easily be called 'divine', surpassing even an Olympic champion. This Skill only applies to Pollux, for Castor was never known to display prowess in the art.

    Combination (A)- The quality of being two Heroic Spirits in a single Class Container. Rider's dual identites are Castor and Pollux, the divine sisters of Greek Mythology.
    Their bond across the ages is unequalled, perhaps surpassing even that holding between the
    Gilgamesh
    King Of Heroes
    and
    Enkidu
    Puppet Of The Gods.


    Divinity (A)- Denotes the strength of one's existence as a Divine Spirit. At this rank, one is either a full god or a direct descendent of one. Individually, the sisters only possess B-ranked Divinity, half of what they possess as a whole. This represents how Pollux (a daughter of Zeus) gave up half of her divinity to the dying Castor.


    Noble Phantasm:


    Dioskouri- Twin Children Of The Gemini (B+, Support): A Noble Phantasm born of the eternal bond between Castor and Pollux. After her sister Castor was mortally wounded in battle, the divine-born Pollux was given the choice of spending all her time on Olympus or giving up half of her immortality to her mortal sister. Of course, she chose the latter, enabling the twins to alternate between Olympus and Hades. They then both became the two brighest stars in the "Gemini" constellation, living forever together as stars in the sky. Not a sword or armor, but the bond between them that is the sisters Noble Phantasm.

    If one of the pair falls in battle, the other can revive them to maximum HP at zero Mana cost. It could be called a cheat-like ability that allows for the continuation of combat indefinitely as long as one sister remains alive. The only way they can be truly defeated is if both sisters are taken out simultaneously, or in quick enough succession that one doesn't have time to revive the other. This Noble Phantasm also serves as "Synchronization", linking their thoughts and perceptions to a certain degree. They still retain distinct personalities, but in combat display an unbelievable coordination comparable to a single fighting machine in two bodies. Truly an incomparable bond.


    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Another ancient Greek Servant(s) this time around. Funny how sparsely represented Classical Mythology was in my sheets until recently, with most of mine being either historical or Biblical figures. Also my first sheet to make use of the Combination Skill from Grand Order. Decided to go for a genderbend because I realized I hadn't had one of those in a long while (to the relief of some people here, I'm sure). Also I'm a guy so obviously Yuri twincest is hotter to me then the Yaoi variety. *shot*

    For the existing NP, I got the synchronization idea from another Castor & Pollux sheet I read online (before Combination came out, so as two separate Servants) but the revival part is my own idea.

    A bit odd having them as Riders without a mount-type NP, but I figure that their being patrons god(desses) of horses would be enough to qualify them for the Class regardless. And it's not like any other Class would really be more fitting. Plus GO's Anne & Mary already establish you can be a Rider class Servant without a designated mount. I was thinking of giving the two a second NP based on St. Elmo's Fire in some way (which they're associated with), but couldn't figure out how it would work. If anyone can think of an idea then they're welcome to suggest though!

    And as always, be sure to drop by with your comments and critiques everybody!

  12. #13372
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Location
    Hitogashima
    Age
    56
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    13,080
    Blog Entries
    1
    Also, I've finally gone back and updated Elijah's Judgement Of The Canaanites NP, which I've long been unsatisfied with. Now instead of a super unblockable instant kill attack it can be evaded, but afterwards seals/halves the power of any Skills or Noble Phantasms drawing from Pagan religions. That effect is more fitting to Elijah's actual legend I feel, whereas the previous version was basically just cribbing from a Moses sheet that I'd read a while ago on this thread. You've probably all but forgotten about that old sheet by now, but I just felt like notifying everybody nonetheless.

    I actually go back and tinker with my old sheets quite a bit, getting them up to my present standards and correcting any grammatical issues or awkward wording.

  13. #13373
    マリーの味方
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Posts
    6,335
    fc

    this is totally not the guy from one piece... please ignore the swords... pretend they are tomahawks... (there's like no native american anime pics that aren't cute girls)
    Class: Archer

    Sex: Male
    Alignment: Chaotic Good

    Strength: B
    Endurance: B
    Agility: A
    Prana: C+
    Luck: D
    Noble Phantasm: B

    Class Skills:
    Independent Action: A
    The ability to remain independent even when rejecting the Magical Energy supply from the Master. At the rank of A, it is possible to take action even without a Master.

    Magic Resistance: D
    The protection against magical effects. Cancels Single-Action spells, the same degree of an amulet that rejects magical energy.

    Personal Skills:
    Charisma: B
    The natural talent to command an army. Increases the ability of allies during group battles. The rank of B is suitable for a king of a country, and Archer could be easily regarded as a king of a people who took no kings.

    Disengage: C
    The ability to break away from combat. Archer excels at short skirmishes meant to wear down his opponent, and often used this talent to slow down approaching armies.

    Nomadic Soul: A
    The temperament to never remain in a location for long, along with the tenacity needed to adapt to new situations and surroundings, no matter how harsh. Translating into battle, it is the capability to adapt to new situations in the midst of conflict with incredible ease. At the rank of A, this skill even extends to large-scale military tactics.

    Noble Phantasm:

    Curse of Tippecanoe
    Rage of the Shooting Star

    Anti-Unit
    Rank: B+
    Archer’s favourite silver-mounted tomahawk-pipe that he used throughout his life, notably in many tribal councils and peace talks with the British and Americans. Tomahawk-pipes were often seen as a symbol of both war and peace, and for that reason, no other item better represents Archer, a man who strove for peace yet was destined to live the life of a warrior.

    In the later years of his life, Archer travelled across the frontier, speaking to tribes of all different cultures in his quest to create a pan-Indian resistance to protect his people. On his return trip from the more southern tribes, a powerful earthquake decimated the area. Those that had witnessed his speeches fell under the belief that Archer himself had caused this: some said he had stamped his feet and with it brought a powerful shattering, others said the Great Spirit had brought it down as a message: support him, or this is what will be left of our people.

    These rumours were not far from the truth.

    When activated, Archer takes this Noble Phantasm and throws it at the skull of his target with full force, shattering everything in the vicinity like a massive earthquake. If the target is one who holds the status of a conqueror, warmonger, or otherwise has a history of oppressing, the power of this Noble Phantasm increases immensely, making it all but certain the attack will hit its mark.

    It is through this Noble Phantasm that Archer expresses his anger - it is an attack of retribution, meant to punish the ones he believes deserve it most.

    Overcharge: Deals extra damage against enemies with the “Conquerer” trait...

    With sufficient fame boost (summoned in USA/Canada)

    Gift For The Children
    Will of Mishe Moneto

    Anti-Territory
    Rank: A

    It was once the belief of Archer and his people that the land beneath their feet belonged to all. The glistening streams, the expansive forests, the rich soil: all of it was a gift granted by Mishe Moneto, the Great Spirit, and it was meant to be shared between all of its children.

    The colonists that came abused this belief, obtaining land through “treaties” signed by the more greedy or naive of his people. During Archer’s life, these treaties became a critical point of conflict, for his people feared they would eventually have no place to call home. In time many would believe that the Americans who continued to take their land were children of the Evil Spirit, sent to steal the gift Mishe Moneto had granted them.

    The dream that Archer strove for --and all who followed him -- was to create a place free from the aggression of these outsiders. This Noble Phantasm is the crystallization of that ideal, a Bounded Field nearing the level of a Reality Marble, born from the will of the Great Spirit, Mishe Moneto.

    When released, the surrounding area is transformed into what could be compared to a natural, living fortress. Within a modern city, aggressive roots will begin to sprout through the concrete, and powerful fissures will rip apart the ground, decimating the civilisation as if the land itself is reclaiming what was once theirs.

    However, it is when it is used within a natural territory, such as a forest or plains, that this power shows its true strength. All natural life, from the trees to the animal species that call the area home, become empowered by the will of Mishe Moneto. These forces serve both defensive and offensive roles, reshaping themselves to protect the area and working together to fend off any who enter the territory with hostile intentions. Those that do enter will find themselves repelled by enemies from all sides, for even the ground beneath their feet can not be considered their ally.

    This final act could be said to be the last boon Mishe Moneto bestowed upon its children. Whereas Archer’s brother had been the voice of Mishe Moneto’s last words, Archer had been the bearer of Mishe Moneto’s last hopes.


    Lore
    Archer’s identity is Tecumseh: Shooting Star, or Panther Across The Sky, the legendary Native American Shawnee who, alongside his brother, raised a pan-Indian resistance to protect his people from destruction at the hands of the Americans.

    Like many of his people, Tecumseh’s early years were ravaged by war. He lost his father to frontiersmen at an early age, and found himself fighting to protect his people’s towns and hunting grounds from the hands of the Americans time and time again. Even his eldest brother, who had raised him and his siblings after the death of their parents, lost his life to the Americans during a battle Tecumseh himself had taken place in.

    It would be understandable had these traumas tainted the young boy and make him grow into a vengeful, angry man, but that was not so. Tecumseh was well regarded for having an honourable and peaceful demeanor. He despised those who did things such as the abusing of prisoners or the killing of innocents, and forbade his parties from partaking in such acts. The enemies that did find themselves captured by him were treated with utmost humanity.

    It was in these early years that he gained the respect as a great warrior and hunter. His bravery and skill were unmatched, and his companions that fought alongside him were always inspired by his confidence and valour. Alongside his integrity and eloquent way with words, it was clear he had the makings of a great chief.

    On the other hand, Tenskwatawa, the brother of Tecumseh, had spent his early years tainted with depression and alcoholism. He had been the laughingstock of the tribe and his family, a disgrace to his people. But something inside him had changed one day. Abandoning his shameful ways, he claimed the Great Spirit had given him a vision - a vision of Native American prosperity. A world where their people could live strong, free, and proud of their ancestral heritage. A world of peace, free from the taint of war brought by the Americans.

    Tenskwatawa would eventually be known by many as “The Prophet”. The Prophet’s words struck a chord with hundreds of oppressed Native Americans across the land, and many went on pilgrimages to hear the words from the man himself. People revered him as one chosen by the Great Spirit, one with incredible power, who had foretold of a great apocalypse that would one day swallow up all the enemies of their people.

    All those who knew him were shocked by this change, Tecumseh included. Yet even though he was unsure of the truth behind his brother’s powers, he understood the strength behind his words. His brother was right: his people could not stand idle and let themselves be swallowed up. Only by standing together could they survive this turmoil, and eventually, prosper. With his brother at his side, he would soon begin the first steps towards their dream.

    As Tecumseh and the Prophet’s following grew larger, the Americans continued their approach onto their land. Tecumseh and his people, who had rejected the ways of “civilization” and did not acknowledge the treaties the Americans had used to unrightfully obtain land, came into conflict with them many a time. But it was Tecumseh who maintained that this conflict must be solved through peace - he would not bring his people into war, unless it was absolutely necessary. It was during these peace talks that the Americans first started to recognize the man that would become one of their greatest foes in the years to come.

    However, in time, Tecumseh would eventually realize that peace was impossible. Despite his continuous pushes for cooperation, the Americans continued with their underhanded ways, and threatened to destroy everything he had built. The time to fight back -- not with words, but with gunpowder and tomahawks -- had finally come.

    And so he took the dream of pan-Indian unity his brother had sparked, and ignited it into a raging inferno. Travelling across the frontier, he spoke to tribes of all different languages and cultures, warning them of what will happen to their people if they simply stand by and do nothing. He spoke of a future, like his brother before him, where all tribes could stand united and proud.

    Many heard his call. Tribes that were once hated enemies settled their differences, uniting under Tecumseh’s inspirational words. Tribes that were normally pro-American ignored these ties, disgruntled by their continued poor treatment. Tecumseh was soon becoming a chief among chiefs; a leader of all Native Americans in the region.

    His followers soon fell under the impression that it was he, not his brother, who had been granted powers by the Great Spirit. While Tecumseh could not confirm their claims, he could not deny the presence he felt in battle, or the subtle signs that seemed to guide in his travels. But whether he was aided by supernatural forces was irrelevant to him -- he knew the path before him was the correct one. He would save his people.

    Following the battle of Tippecanoe, and the worsening relations between the Americans and the British-controlled Canadas, the raging inferno would eventually climax in the War of 1812. The Native Americans and the British would form an alliance, like once before, to fight off the Americans. Tecumseh, acting as the voice of his people, gained much admiration from his British allies, and he would form a friendship -- although short -- with the famed major-general Isaac Brock. Their combined effort would lead their forces to one of greatest victories of the war, the Siege of Detroit.

    But this victory would not last long. Because of poor leadership on the side of the British after the death of Sir Isaac, along with the overpowering Americans forces, Tecumseh would eventually lose his life at the Battle of Thames.

    And as he died, so too did his dream of pan-Indianism. Although some would try to reignite the fire, none would be as successful, for nobody was capable of matching the raging passion of Tecumseh. He would forever be remembered by his people as one of their greatest heroes, to the British as an irreplaceable ally, and to the Americans an unforgettable foe.

    Unlike most of his kind before him, Tecumseh had not stood for a single tribe: he had been the voice of all Native Americans, the sole hero left capable of uniting and inspiring hundreds despite the impossible foe in front of them. In time he would be compared to greats such as Napoleon Bonaparte, and even one of his greatest enemies, William Henry Harrison, would go on to say had things been different, Tecumseh might have been the founder of a great empire.

    Summoned as a Servant, Tecumseh cannot deny the boons “civilization” has brought to the world, and bears no ill will towards the people of the nation that has now spread across the land he once called home. But the fire in him has not extinguished. His wish for the Grail is the same ideal it has always been: to give his people a home they can live in peace, united, strong, and proud. And, just as he did in life, he will fight for this wish until his last dying breath.


    Notes
    I realize “Native American” doesn’t just refer to “American Indians”, but I obviously wasn’t going to use “American Indians”.
    I also realize most Native American tribes (or even Shawnee for that matter) aren’t nomadic, but they’re still partially nomadic. And I couldn’t think of a better word.

    His tomahawk-pipe is technically real, as he had a favourite one he often carried around. Obviously the name is made-up, I had trouble with naming it.
    While “Will of Mishe Moneto” requires a certain amount of fame, I think it could also be said that Mishe Moneto only has dominion in those areas (somewhat influenced by Strange Fake lore). Theoretically, if Tecumseh somehow had that NP in a place like Europe, he wouldn’t be able to use it.

    I know he’s a bit powerful (and dare I say, wanked) but I feel like he deserves it more than someone like d’Eon. Similar to Tesla or Marie, I like to think the significance of what he stood for/what he stands for to be the reason for why he’s so powerful. I tried to tone him down as much as I could - Disengage was B at one point (and I still think it probably should be, lawl)

    I intend to make a sheet of his brother, the Prophet, too. His background will go into more depth as to what Mishe Moneto is. (she's a cute girl btw)


    rip i'm going to bed
    Last edited by Sesto; March 3rd, 2016 at 10:46 AM.

  14. #13374
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Location
    Hitogashima
    Age
    56
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    13,080
    Blog Entries
    1
    So, I see you finally got around to doing that Tecumseh sheet you've been talking about Sesto. He certainly sounds like a pretty cool guy (and kudos finding a fitting face-claim). I particularly like the idea behind his second NP, overpowered or no. Sounds like it'd be good for a "last boss" or "mid boss" (I'd imagine all the remaining Servants would have to team up in order to stand a chance once he activates it), but his actual character is so heroic I could hardly see him ending up as an antagonist regardless.

    Anyways, whaddya' think about the Castor & Pollux sheet I put up above?

  15. #13375
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Location
    Hitogashima
    Age
    56
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    13,080
    Blog Entries
    1
    Also, just how great is the range for Will Of Mishe Moneto? Can it spread, or is it limited to the area where it's initially established? So far Tecumseh's ideals are concerned, it would make the most sense if it gradually spread out, reclaiming the land for his people piece-by-piece. Though that might be a little too hax even for you.

    Also, I'd suggest something other then just Anti-Army as its classification. Something like Anti-Territory or even Anti-Colonization would be more fitting, IMO.

  16. #13376
    All of Your Sadness Crying's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Location
    Ocean of Tears
    Posts
    310
    Blog Entries
    1
    Oh boy! A bunch of stuff I get to talk about here!

    Spoony, thanks for the ideas! I'll keep them in mind...

    Royd, Castor and Pollux... well, they seam fine, I guess. The only big thing I could point out would be the lack of a mount, but you've already addressed that.

    Sesto, Tehcumseh seems pretty damn good. I mean, yeah he's a bit wanked, but so are most of the canon servants so it's fine~

    I do agree with Royd that perhaps Will of Mishe Moneto should be classified Anti-Territory or something, instead of the boring and less fitting Anti-Army.


    Do you know what's annoying? Thinking up good points for an argument that's already been over for a few weeks now.
    Certified F/GO hater.

    My Servants


    The starting penalty is five.


  17. #13377
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Bird of Hermes's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Location
    England
    Age
    27
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    3,422
    US Friend Code
    139729726
    Blog Entries
    7
    Feedback time.

    Tehcumseh seems pretty good. There aren't many Native American servant sheets so it's always nice to see some deviation. He seems to be on the tier of a disc 1 final boss like Gilles or Heracles.

    As for Castor and Pollux, I was thinking of doing them next but had difficulty coming up with some of the core concepts but it looks like you beat me to the punch. For the class, one was more physical while the other could use some sort of magic (I need to check up on the legends) so for my version, I was going to put them in the assassin class but for your version, I'll say rider is probably best.

  18. #13378
    Tranquilo, Japones, Tranquilo JetKinen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Age
    30
    Posts
    6,681
    Blog Entries
    5
    Tecumseh is a rad sheet, i like it very much.
    I don't have much suggestions, and i realize that this doesn't really matter, but Sandman/soundman from jojo has some decent fanarts out there

    Fate Grand/Order ID: 102947414/GreenBob
    JetKinen's tries very poorly to translate a brazilian book

  19. #13379
    マリーの味方
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Posts
    6,335
    Quote Originally Posted by RoydGolden View Post
    Also, just how great is the range for Will Of Mishe Moneto? Can it spread, or is it limited to the area where it's initially established? So far Tecumseh's ideals are concerned, it would make the most sense if it gradually spread out, reclaiming the land for his people piece-by-piece. Though that might be a little too hax even for you.

    Also, I'd suggest something other then just Anti-Army as its classification. Something like Anti-Territory or even Anti-Colonization would be more fitting, IMO.
    Yeah, I suppose it spreading out would make sense, though it would definitely be a gradual thing. Despite how honourable he seems I agree he'd probably end up as a mid-boss for story reasons, and his NP gradually increasing would be a good way to provoke urgency in the other characters.

    I'm always a bit iffy about using assorted classifications but you guys are right, something like Anti-Territory would make more sense.

  20. #13380
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Location
    Hitogashima
    Age
    56
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    13,080
    Blog Entries
    1
    Quote Originally Posted by Sesto View Post
    Despite how honourable he seems I agree he'd probably end up as a mid-boss for story reasons, and his NP gradually increasing would be a good way to provoke urgency in the other characters.
    To be fair, Karna was also super nice and honorable only to end up playing the villain role for plot reasons. So it's not like there isn't any precedent for that kind of thing.

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •