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Thread: Create-A-Servant 2

  1. #541
    僕はね、ヒマワリになりたかったんだ mewarmo990's Avatar
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    アルテミット・ソット Ultimate Thot Five_X's Avatar
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    Bungalow Bulwark
    <NEW FIC!> Revolution #9: Somewhere out there, there's a universe in which your mistakes and failures never happened, and all you wished for is true. How hard would you fight to make that real?

    [11:20:46 AM] GlowStiks: lucina is supes attractive
    [12:40] Lace: lucina is amazing
    [12:40] Neir: lucina is pretty much flawless

  3. #543
    僕はね、ヒマワリになりたかったんだ mewarmo990's Avatar
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    祖 Ancestor NMR-3's Avatar
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    Resolute Residency?

  5. #545
    僕はね、ヒマワリになりたかったんだ mewarmo990's Avatar
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  6. #546
    アルテミット・ワン Ultimate One asterism42's Avatar
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    Bastion Domicile
    Quote Originally Posted by Sandstorm77 View Post
    He's just putting the bone of his sword into other people until it explodes and lets out parts of him inside them.
    Quote Originally Posted by AvengerEmiya View Post
    Genderswaps are terrible, but I think I and other people would hate them less if Fate didn't keep ignoring actual heroines throughout history and folklore. Like, why bother turning Francis Drake into a woman when Ching Shih and Grace O'Malley exist?
    Quote Originally Posted by Five_X View Post
    Fate Zero is just Fate Stay Night for people who think Shirou is too girly
    Quote Originally Posted by Comun View Post
    I think Alex IV can eat Goku.

  7. #547
    超刻 Hyperreal Nuclear's Avatar
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    House Guard

  8. #548
    祖 Ancestor NMR-3's Avatar
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    Solid Shack

    EDIT: Sentry, for that sweet triple alliteration.

  9. #549
    Heavens Feel Adlet's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Bird of Hermes View Post
    Osakabehime: It's nice to see what you've done here. I agree with Mizukume about Witchcraft so droping it down worked. The reality marble works quite nicely as it suits her legend and it is well fleshed out with flavour. The third NP is amusingly titled as well as well as how you connected it to her friends and in addition is meshes together with the second one as well.
    Thanks. Her third NP name actually had a different name at first, but it sounded genuinely bad so I went for something more along the line of a joke'ish name for it. I got the idea to connect it to Kiyo and Tamamo the moment I read her being speculated to be either a nine-tailed kitsune or a snake spirit and well... that's literally what her friends are.

    Quote Originally Posted by RoydGolden View Post
    Adlet: First off, welcome to Create-A-Servant! Yours is pretty damn good for a first, if I do say so myself. I like how you managed to include a lot of flavor for her legend in the Skill descriptions, which is something I always try to do myself (well, in my case it's pretty much necessary since I almost never write out lore). When I saw 'Human Perception' I of course immediately thought of Andersen's Skill but you nicely set hers apart as more of a supernatural ability (almost like a kind of Mystic Eyes) so that works.

    Her NPs seem well thought-out as well. First one reminds me a lot of Medusa but it fits, and the bravery clause works well to keep it from being too overpowered. If I must nitpick, there's a double negative in her second NP's description where it says 'undisturbed by no living presence' which technically means there's no presence that doesn't disturb her, while context clearly indicates you meant the opposite. You also spelt 'trespassers' with an extra S at the end of her third NP's description.
    This is actually not my first Servant sheet, but thanks lol. The first one I made was actually a Hitler sheet with a bunch of friends, but we went a bit wild with the sheet and he turned out with quite a bit of a skillset and like 4 different NPs that kinda made him too strong for modern Servant standards so I never posted it on here. And yeah, I kinda like going into details with stuff like this for some reason so I wrote up the reason why she has the skills I've given her instead of writing what it does.

    Anyways thanks for pointing out the typos and mistakes. Didn't really notice them, but I fixed them now.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Bird of Hermes
    Only criticism I could think of would be to remove shapeshifting perhaps as most of the description seems to be part of a noble phantasm which takes more prevalence (unless she gets the skill because of the NP at which my point is mute).
    Quote Originally Posted by RoydGolden
    I agree with Hermes that Shapeshifting seems a little unnecessary given her third NP, and she has enough Skills already so I'd suggest scrapping that one, personally.
    Well the reason I gave her Shapeshifting is because Kiyohime has the skill too despite the part of her legend where she turns into a snake already being her NP. And it was under the same ''She turned into a poisonous snake'' reasoning that she had for her NP. I looked back at Vlad and he seemed to have shapeshifting as a result of his NP too so I figured that if you have a NP that changes your shape (or rather, allows you to change shape) you automatically gain the shapeshifting skill with it. I might be wrong though.

  10. #550
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adlet View Post
    This is actually not my first Servant sheet, but thanks lol. The first one I made was actually a Hitler sheet with a bunch of friends, but we went a bit wild with the sheet and he turned out with quite a bit of a skillset and like 4 different NPs that kinda made him too strong for modern Servant standards so I never posted it on here. And yeah, I kinda like going into details with stuff like this for some reason so I wrote up the reason why she has the skills I've given her instead of writing what it does.

    Anyways thanks for pointing out the typos and mistakes. Didn't really notice them, but I fixed them now.
    I'm actually a little curious now as to what that Hitler sheet was. Maybe post it here after trimming it down a bit. (Or a lot?)

    Nothing wrong with being a little OP every now and then. Heck, I made a pretty powerful Hitler a while ago too, with three Noble Phantasms, one of which was an EX-ranked Lance Of Longinus (not the true Holy Lance, but a simulacrum) and another that was basically Gate Of Babylon with German superweapons.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by asterism42 View Post
    Bastion Domicile
    Quote Originally Posted by mewarmo990 View Post
    Adamant Abode
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    Bungalow Bulwark
    These actually sound really cool. I could easily see them being power names in some cheesy Shonen manga.

  11. #551
    鬼 Ogre-like You's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NMR-3 View Post
    Solid Shack

    EDIT: Sentry, for that sweet triple alliteration.
    so we metal gear now
    Quote Originally Posted by FSF 5, Chapter 14: Gold and Lions I
    Dumas flashed a fearless grin at Flat and Jack as he rattled off odd turns of phrase.
    "And most importantly, it's me who'll be doing the cooking."
    Though abandoned, forgotten, and scorned as out-of-date dolls, they continue to carry out their mission, unchanged from the time they were designed.
    Machines do not lose their worth when a newer model appears.
    Their worth (life) ends when humans can no longer bear that purity.


  12. #552
    Alright, I've got my first servant as well! It's... definitely a first, I'll say that, but can't get better without Criticisms. So, I give to you:

    Class:
    Caster

    True Name: Ivan Vasilyevich IV, Tsar of all the Russias
    Sex: Female
    Alignment: “Lawful Good” [Actually Chaotic Neutral]
    Place of Origin: Russia
    Height/Weight: 173cm/63kg
    Alternate Classes: Berserker

    Likes: Russia, Russians, Eastern Orthodoxy Church
    Dislikes: Betrayers, Nobles, Heretics, Her Legend
    Talents: Paranoia, Piety
    Natural Enemies: “Ivan the Terrible”

    Parameters
    Strength: E

    Endurance: D
    Agility: E
    Magic: B
    Luck: C-
    Noble Phantasms: A

    Face Claim


    Class Skills:

    Territory Creation (Rank A)

    Ability to formulate a territory advantageous to one as a Magus. At this Rank, it allows for construction of a “Cathedral”, superior even to a Temple.

    Item Creation (Rank -)
    Ability to construct magical artifacts. Although a powerful magus in life, Caster worried herself more with affairs of the state and church than with expanding upon her talents. Thus, this skill is sealed in favor of her Iconography unique skill.

    Personal Skills:

    Iconography (Rank B+)
    The Magical Teachings of the Russian Orthodox Church and, before them, the Empire of Byzantium. This magecraft is largely based on the constructions of Icons, symbols of power capable of creating magical effects. At this rank, Caster’s Icons can recreate powerful thaumaturgy, and she can create them at a moderate rate. However, within her Cathedral, more powerful effects can be mustered, and Icons can be crafted more quickly.

    Imperial Privilege (Rank A)
    An ability that, due to the insistence of the user, Skills that are essentially impossible to be possessed can be obtained for a short period of time. In cases with a Rank A or above, even “The Burden of the Body” is acquired (such as Divinity). In Caster’s case, the skills she can attain are Charisma, Divinity, Military Tactics, Subversive Activities, and Torture Techniques at the Rank of B.

    Innocent Monster (Rank E++)
    Caster’s life has been objectively demonized, portraying her as a mad tyrant king with no regard for her people. In truth, Caster loved and cared for her land as greatly as any worthy king, wanting nothing but continued prosperity for her people and its culture. However, bouts of madness made Caster into what the tales make of her: A Demon in Human Flesh. Normally, this skill would offer no effects on Caster or her ability, but while under the influence of her Rtut’ Meditsina Noble Phantasm, the skill becomes much, much more powerful.

    Noble Phantasms
    Yedinaya Rossiya: Demonic Expansion of the State (Rank A, Fortress, Anti-Country)

    The Cathedral of Saint Basil, an immense and majestic holy structure built by Caster as celebration of her expansion of rule. Known as one of the finest works of architecture in all of Russia, The Cathedral is far more than a place of worship, the cathedral is glorious to behold both inside and out. It’s true nature acts as the seat of power for Caster, a nigh indestructible fortress from which she may draw her power. While within The Cathedral, Caster gains the highest level of Fame bonus to her parameters, and much of her skills are improved besides.

    In addition to this, the Cathedral’s role as a symbol of expansionism persists in its recreation now. So long as The Cathedral stands, Caster will passively “expand” her territory in all directions, slowly counting areas beyond the Cathedral’s borders as if they were her territory proper. Any Heroic Spirits within Caster’s territory receive a rank down in Endurance and Luck, unless they possess Divinity, Sainthood, or some similar designation as “Holy”. Non-Heroic Spirits within her territory feel an overwhelming sense of oppression and dread, but unless they know of Caster’s existence, they likely will be unable to properly designate the source of this oppression.

    While the Cathedral will passively expand it’s sphere of influence to consume an entire country on its own, Caster can expedite the process by conquest. At the site of a Heroic Spirits death, Caster can reinitiate her Territory Creation skill, causing the borders of her territory to spike outward to that point. Because of the nature of Heroic Spirits passing, either Caster or her familiars will likely need to be close by, if not directly responsible for, the death in order to make use of this skill.

    The Cathedral’s final, and possibly grandest, ability is tied to Caster herself. When the Cathedral was built, it was said that a previously unknown Ninth Sanctuary was only discovered at the direct presence of Caster. The Cathedral built by her Territory Creation is notably lacking in this ninth sanctuary. Caster, and Caster Alone, can bring this sanctuary into being. Within this impossible structure is an impossible treasure: The Golden Library of the Thunder King. It is a collection of magical codes, texts, grimoires, and compendiums stretching back to the Great Library of Alexandria. It can be said to be the greatest storehouse of magic after the Vault of Babylon, and no one man could even dream to hold all of its information. So long has the chamber held the most powerful of magics that the chamber itself reeks of residual grandiose magic. Because of this, Heroic Spirits are capable of magical displays well beyond what should normally powerful, and items and creations close to modern miracles can be reconstructed.

    This final chamber is Caster’s greatest secret, and will likely only be entered without the knowledge of her master. Only through the ordering of a Command Seal can the library be made a permanent visible structure, and Caster will not be able to enter, or even remember, the library at all while under the influence of Rtut’ Meditsina.

    Oprichnina: Demon Dogs of the Empire (Rank B, Anti-Unit, Anti-Army)

    In her life, The Oprichniki were 300 of the most loyal, pious, black-hearted individuals in Caster’s kingdom, united under a common banner and name. Now, even in death, their fealty to her never falters, and they aid her in her path towards the Holy Grail. Having ascended to the throne of heroes, Caster has brought the Oprichniki with her, a secret force to shape the world into her favor.

    An Oprichnik is not “Created”, as other familiars or phantasmal armies. Instead, they are “Planted”. While within her territory, Caster can lay claim to the life of a willing individual, or to the body of a dead one. This individual's character and personality become a muted form of what they once were, and their actions become little more than tools for Caster’s rule. Once planted in this way, the individual becomes a pseudo-Heroic Spirit, with E’s in all parameters, Presence Concealment at Rank D-, as well as Zealotry and Subversive Activities at Rank E.

    Once manifested into this world, the very word of Caster is considered exceptional Mental Influence upon the oprichnik, nigh unquestionable words as though spoken by God himself. Primarily, they are used for keeping an eye out on the Caster’s territory, keeping eyes on prime targets, or acting as aid in combat with Heroic Spirits and their Masters. Oprichnik may also attempt to spread the word of Caster’s greatness to others, a vicious cycle allowing for the expansion of Oprichniki.

    Each use of this Phantasm requires a different individual, and an individual may not be made an Oprichnik more than once. However, multiple individuals may be made into Oprichniki at once, through a single use of this phantasm. Despite being Heroic Spirits, they require no additional mana from Caster after the initial awakening, instead drawing power from the ley-lines from the area where they were summoned.

    Rtut' Meditsina: The Cure for Sanity (Rank D, Anti-Unit(Self))

    A Phantasm drawn from the Legends involving Caster’s consumption of Mercury in order to alleviate her physical injury, but to expedite her deteriorating mental state. This grants Caster the Poison Proof skill at Rank B, making her immune to all but the most powerful toxins in the world. In addition, consumption of any poison grants Caster a moderate amount of healing to her body and her mana, but also the Mental Pollution skill for a time. The amount of time varies from use to use of this Phantasm, but each subsequent use increases both the length of time the Mental Pollution skill is applied, and the Rank by which it manifests. Because of these reasons, and the ties they have to her more heinous public persona, Caster disdains the use of this Phantasm save for dire emergencies.


    Lore
    Caster is Ivan Vasilyevich IV, more commonly known as Ivan the Terrible. Considered by many to be the most heinous, evil rulers of his time, Ivan was seen as a man whose maddened soul was one without heart or pity. Of course, he did little to relieve this image later in life, slaughtering his own people and instating an unprecedented Dark Age in Russian History.

    But for all his mad ravings and heartless atrocities, there existed within the Tsar the heart of all Russian Kings. A heart that yearned for a greater Russia, a stronger Russian people, and a peaceful rule. No more was that prevalent than in Ivan’s ties with the Russian Orthodox church. His devotion to the church and to those who served it stood as an inspiration for a struggling Russian people. He constructed many a great church, and unifying the church under a single set of practices and teachings. To the commoners of Russia, Tsar Ivan was a kind and noble man, who held no such feelings for enemies of the state.


    Unfortunately, luck would not be on Ivan’s side later in his rule. Betrayals, Natural Disasters, Wars, and the passing of his beloved wife would put the Tsar on a spiraling path to paranoid madness. But all was not lost. In moments of Lucidity, Ivan still brought great reform to Russia, instating new laws, construction of printing yards and grand architecture, the forging of life-long political alliances, and in the expansion of the Russian states in all manner of directions.

    But perhaps the single most important event in Ivan’s life was the construction of his golden library. The Golden Library was, and still is, the stuff of legends among magus’, said to contain the remnants of the Library of Alexandria and of Constantinople, a treasure trove of information into ages of magic long past. And yet it was not enough. Ivan expanded the library with additions from every corner of the earth, from Roman to Chinese to Indian, tomes of magic garnered through all means under the sun. Unfortunately, in his unstable mental state during the time of his passing, Ivan lost all memory of the Library, and it vanished with the wind.

    Although a man in life, Caster has sought to distance herself as far from her more common legend as she can, insofar as to be summoned in a different gender. Caster seeks to atone for all the wrongs inflicted on the Russian people in his first rule. He seeks to claim the grail to go back, to put herself in the throne of Tsardom, and do it all over again. Although seeking to act as a better person, it is impossible to escape the cracks in Caster’s sanity left over from her life, and the legends of Ivan the Terrible taint what could otherwise be a saint among men.
    Last edited by 7thSonOfSons; September 15th, 2016 at 01:12 PM.

  13. #553
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six SpoonyViking's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adlet View Post
    Class: Caster
    Name: Osakabehime
    Hm, interesting Caster! I think I'm going to use her the next time I run a "L5R" game. :-) I only have a few suggestions:

    Territory Creation - I suggest increasing it to B+ to reflect it being harder to detect (I mean, I assume other Masters and Servants will also have a harder time detecting it?).
    Divinity - The Rank seems a bit too high for someone who was only rumoured to be a deity. I recommend lowering it to C.
    Familiars - I don't think she needs this Skill, since she has Item Creation. Semiramis needs it because she doesn't have any spellcasting Skill, and her own Item Creation is restricted to poisons.

    Mystic Face of Unseen Beauty - "As such, this will translate into the Noble Phantasm and the effects of it will be completely negated against Heroic
    Spirits that possess the skill Bravery and are known for brave acts". Do you mean "OR are known for brave acts", perhaps? Also, would a high MGI stat also help resist this NP, as it tends to do for effects like this?

    Himeji Castle - I would only like a bit more clarification on the "trap". Are we talking mundane traps such as those that can be found in real life? Slightly more fantastic ones which are usually only found in fiction, but which are still comparatively mundane? Or all-out magical traps?

    Metamorphosis - Can she still cast spells in this form?

  14. #554
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six SpoonyViking's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 7thSonOfSons View Post
    Alright, I've got my first servant as well! It's... definitely a first, I'll say that, but can't get better without Criticisms. So, I give to you:
    I do have a few suggestions, if you don't mind. :-)

    Territory Creation - EX seems too high, I think A would be fine.
    Item Creation / Iconography - Wouldn't Iconography already cover the creation of Icons? My suggestion is to change Item Creation's Rank to "-" and say it's sealed by her Iconography Skill (much like Shakespeare's Enchant Skill seals his own Item Creation). Don't forget to move some of Item Creation's description to Iconography, though! :-)
    Imperial Privilege - I think you can increase the Rank of the acquired Skills to B.

    Demonic Expansion of the State (Skill / NP) - I think you can remove the Skill, it's not really needed.
    I assume the NP is a pseudo-Reality Marble like Nero's Domus?
    I like most of the NP, but I admit to not seeing a direct link between "magical knowledge" and "magical power"; I mean, give Shirou all of Rin's knowledge and he will still be a terrible magus in any area other than Projection. That said, the effect itself seems fine for a Noble Phantasm; if you do retain it, I would only suggest changing the description to something more focused on descriptions than on Ranks (maybe something like "Within this Library, any Heroic Spirit's magic would greatly increase in terms of power and versatility, and Mystic Codes of the highest caliber can be created", something of the sort).

    Oprichinina - I think Rank B is more adequate for what it does.
    (Apropos of nothing, this is my favourite of "Ivana" 's NPs. :-))

  15. #555
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SpoonyViking View Post
    I do have a few suggestions, if you don't mind. :-)

    Territory Creation - EX seems too high, I think A would be fine.
    Item Creation / Iconography - Wouldn't Iconography already cover the creation of Icons? My suggestion is to change Item Creation's Rank to "-" and say it's sealed by her Iconography Skill (much like Shakespeare's Enchant Skill seals his own Item Creation). Don't forget to move some of Item Creation's description to Iconography, though! :-)
    I was thinking the same thing regarding Item Construction and Iconography, but was too lazy to comment. Pretty sure the EX for Territory Creation is because it's lumped in with her Cathedral NP though, much like Semiramis and her Hanging Gardens.

    Overall, I quite liked Ivan(a). She seems like a good sort of 'final boss' type character with all her powerful NPs and Skills. May be a little OP, but I'm not really one to take issue with things like that unless it's really on the absurd end of things...

    Rather a more unusual genderbend then most, since you noted she was still a male in life, unlike most other genderbent heroes in the Fate franchise who were just falsely recorded as men. Though that might be less plausible in this case given Ivan was a well-known and witnessed Emperor closer to the modern day then a lot of canonical genderbends... I'm not sure if Servants outright rewriting their appearance is a thing that can normally happen in any case.

    Da Vinci did it admittedly, but I think that's more to do with her Golden Rule (Body) Skill and reputation as an artist, rather then what just any Servant can do if they feel like... Not that I'm complaining. (I did a female Neil Armstrong with Clownpiece FC a while ago, I am the last person around here to complain about unnecessary genderbending...)

  16. #556
    僕はね、ヒマワリになりたかったんだ mewarmo990's Avatar
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    It's a good idea to clarify what you mean by EX ranks of a skill, since they don't always mean "higher than A".

    Sometimes it's just an effect that doesn't fit within the conventional scale.

    see Edison

  17. #557
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mewarmo990 View Post
    It's a good idea to clarify what you mean by EX ranks of a skill, since they don't always mean "higher than A".

    Sometimes it's just an effect that doesn't fit within the conventional scale.

    see Edison
    Edison is a weird example since his Territory Creation and Item Construction are written as EX but that's actually due to his ego/self-promotion and their real ranks are D.

    Unless you're talking about his NP.

  18. #558
    僕はね、ヒマワリになりたかったんだ mewarmo990's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RoydGolden View Post
    Edison is a weird example since his Territory Creation and Item Construction are written as EX but that's actually due to his ego/self-promotion and their real ranks are D.
    Interesting fan fiction.

    Care to point out the official info it's based on?

  19. #559
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mewarmo990 View Post
    Interesting fan fiction.

    Care to point out the official info it's based on?
    Quote Originally Posted by Grand Order Wikia
    With exception of Luck, all of Edison's abilities are extreme parameters of either E Rank or EX, but this is due a unique summoning condition and his abilities are in practice around D~E Rank.

    His Class Skills too are of a EX Rank that correspond to 「D」. As he is a modern Heroic Spirit, and since that is being compensated, seems that one can see a certain disorder in his parameters display.
    Seems clear enough. Mind you, this is from the Grand Order wiki, not the general Type-Moon one which is so reviled around here.

  20. #560
    Tranquilo, Japones, Tranquilo JetKinen's Avatar
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    Nothing to do with Ego or self-promotion.

    If i'm not mistaken it has everything to do with being the Super President of America.

    Fate Grand/Order ID: 102947414/GreenBob
    JetKinen's tries very poorly to translate a brazilian book

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