Create-A-Servant 2

[Ail Don]

@Curie

Doubleposting because criticism. I like Curie. Curie is cute. I want Curie to get along with my Chekhov.
I'm not entirely sure what Pioneer of the Planet actually does, so I'm going to assume it's like the OG version and makes something impossible possible?
I also like how for all her destructive power, she's also harmful to herself and her Master. The Noble Phantasm also reads more like something out of Extra, which is a nice touch for these more versatile NPs. Well done.

[RoydGolden]

^^That was a really good Marie Curie sheet above. 10/10 would summon as my waifu anytime. (If not for fear of radiation poisoning, at least...)

The only thing that struck me as noticeable was how you used Pioneer Of The Planet instead of Star, but from what I understand that's a matter of variable translation anyways.

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I'm not entirely sure what Pioneer of the Planet actually does, so I'm going to assume it's like the OG version and makes something impossible possible?

90% sure Pioneer Of The Planet is just Pioneer Of The Stars translated differently. One reason I wouldn't use different translations of well-known Skills without good reason (such as Disengage=Restart or Protection Of The Faith=Aegis Of Faith) is that it makes it difficult to tell whether you're using an original or just a canon one with a different name.

[4score7years]

Philip II: The lore+personality stuff is interesting and well-done, but I don't know if I'm really feeling the actual NPs and skills. The lack of any custom skills and the similarity to pre-existing canon NPs has hurt it a little in that regard, I think. Maybe there just isn't that much in his legend, but I think that an additional..."something" might be nice.

[Ail Don]

Philip II: The lore+personality stuff is interesting and well-done, but I don't know if I'm really feeling the actual NPs and skills. The lack of any custom skills and the similarity to pre-existing canon NPs has hurt it a little in that regard, I think. Maybe there just isn't that much in his legend, but I think that an additional..."something" might be nice.

I was kind of thinking that same thing, honestly. There's only so much I could think of doing with a "really long spear" and a lot of them.
I could include something about his one-sided championing of Apollo's cause or a weakness to traps on Roland's level, I guess. I'll think about it.

[RoydGolden]

Philip II: The lore+personality stuff is interesting and well-done, but I don't know if I'm really feeling the actual NPs and skills. The lack of any custom skills and the similarity to pre-existing canon NPs has hurt it a little in that regard, I think. Maybe there just isn't that much in his legend, but I think that an additional..."something" might be nice.

To be fair, Innovation might as well be an original Skill since every Servant has a different version of it. Though, not knowing much about the historical Philip, it feels that the "fuckton of spears" aspect was kind of overemphasized (even given he's summoned as Lancer) to the point where he does come off as a little like Vlad III's illegitimate Macedonian brother, which needless to say is... not necessarily what you had in mind.

Seriously though, is there really nothing other then spears and spear formations that could ground an NP for the legendary father of Alexander the Great?

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Also, out of curiosity Ail, what is "Helena's Nail" referring to? The only thing I can think of is the reference to one of the nails which pierced Christ on the cross, which would obviously be anachronistic and irrelevant from that time-period. So, what gives? Not to champion my historical ignorance or anything, but I am a little curious...

[Ail Don]

You got me, I really like Kazikli Bei.
I was considering turning the phalanx into a full on war-wheel but made out of spears instead of...tires, but I'm not sure.
Helena's Nail comes from Philip's Panhellenic campaign to unify all of Greece. And spears look like nails.
Basically just because it sounds cool.

[RoydGolden]

You got me, I really like Kazikli Bei.
I was considering turning the phalanx into a full on war-wheel but made out of spears instead of...tires, but I'm not sure.
Helena's Nail comes from Philip's Panhellenic campaign to unify all of Greece. And spears look like nails.
Basically just because it sounds cool.

Ah, so it's kind of an anachronistic reference that still can be justified historically, if that makes any sense. (It probably doesn't)

The "wheel o' spears" idea sounds rather interesting, but I personally didn't have much against your original sheet. the NPs are definitely reminiscent of Vlad but there are enough twists to make it a distinct take on the same basic concept rather then an outright rip-off. Besides, it's not like there aren't two dozen sword-beam variations existing in canon already. If Arturia can handle it, surely Vlad can cope with one person ripping off his shtick.

[Bird of Hermes]

Aife 2.5 is going well, got a new FC that has some resemblance to Scathach without being identical and I'm switching up the skills a little bit (may ditch Constitution of the Haunted Ground as it seemed unpopular).

Problem is the Noble Phantasms. Chariot is probably staying as-is. I want to switch out the Gae Bolg expy and am having trouble coming up with something original without ripping off Gally's sheet. I might need suggestions otherwise I may just leave it as is without changing anything.

Also, commentary;

@ Marie Currie: Cute, destructive, versatile, harmful to the master if not used carefully, best an Curie sheet can likely get.

@ Phillip II: An interesting personality to say the least. The NP's are simple but I think it works for this guy here as something stylish and fully of mystery doesn't seem to be his aesthetic. Also I've never seen an expy of Kazikli Bei before so don't worry about it.

[4score7years]

To be honest, I was just bored with reading large amounts of history and wanted to actually write something, so I wrote this fairly quickly. Apologies for any potential typos. The other stuff is still coming, but I just felt that I needed to get any sheet done to get back into it. Thanks to the Bird of Hermes for the description of "Founding Father."

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Large!HopefullyWorking!Appearance

Art of Kyosuke Kuga. Don’t know the source, so I’ll just link to Zero for now. I’ll replace this with an actual source, if/once I find it. I just thought that if the sheet was done I might as well just post it.

Class: Assassin
Alias: 711, the Spymaster
Alignment: Chaotic Good (Lawful Good in other classes)
Region: United States of America
Alternate Classes: Any of the standard Classes, Gunner
Equipment: A Saber, Sympathetic Stain, Surveillance Equipment (bugs, tiny cameras, etc.)
Catalyst: A Culper Code Book, used during one of his most successful operations. It's worth noting that this Catalyst could also summon Assassin Benjamin Tallmadge.

Strength- D
Endurance- E
Agility- D
Mana- C
Luck- A
NP- C+

Height/Weight: 6’1/168 lbs
Gender: Male
Likes: America, Thomas Knowlton, Benjamin Tallmadge, the CIA, animals
Dislikes: England, “Redcoats”, Unreliable Information
Talent: Clandestine Operations (various other talents, but they are outshined in this particular class)
Natural Enemy: Sir Henry Clinton, Major John André, Benedict Arnold, King George III

Class skills:

Presence Concealment: (C)
The capacity to hide one’s presence as a Servant. 711 was not a true Assassin, he was merely a Spymaster, and thus his rank of Presence Concealment drops considerably when preparing to attack.

Personal skills:

Charisma: (D)
The natural talent to command an army. While ordinarily 711 would be worthy of commanding an entire country, his rank has been heavily reduced in the Assassin class. At this rank, he is merely able to lead a small army or organization.

Innocent Monster: (C)
Nature of one whose legend has been distorted falsely by history. In this case, the skill represents 711’s association with the Freemasons, and, therefore, the Masonic Conspiracies. The rumors of Witchcraft, Occultism, and Devil-worship surrounding the Freemasons has led to him possessing supernatural powers he never had in life. Ordinarily 711 would possess Affections of Providence at B-Rank instead of this skill. However, by nature of his Class, that skill has been suppressed and replaced with a skill originating from secrecy and conspiracy. His possession of this skill makes 711 uncomfortable, because he wasn’t an actual devil-worshiper. With that said, he will use the abilities it has granted him without significant hesitation.

Black Arts: (B)
Connotes a mastery of intelligence and counterintelligence techniques. 711 was a highly involved and extremely skilled Spymaster who was behind some of the most successful clandestine operations of the Revolutionary War. He could be considered America’s first DCI (Director of Central Intelligence). Gathering and concealing information, reading people, developing and cracking codes, wiretapping, and other such skills may be performed at C~B Rank. Despite the name, the skill has nothing to do with “Black Magic,” which is instead covered by Innocent Monster.

Founding Father: (N/A)
A skill possessed by those who founded the United States, with each one possessing a variant. As possibly the most significant figure in early American history, 711 possesses an EX rank in the skill...or at least he should. Due to his Class container, however, the "Founding Father" aspect of the legend has been suppressed, sealing the skill.

Noble Phantasm(s)

American Misinformation

False Visions of the Enemy

Type: Anti-Unit
Rank: D+++
Range: 5-30
Max. Target: 1

This Noble Phantasm represents American attempts to spread (you guessed it) misinformation throughout the ranks of the British. 711 encouraged his various informants and under-cover agents to spread false information in casual conversations and letters. This information was often simple things, like exaggerating the size and strength of the American army. However, these informants also spread blatantly false messages about American military movements and supposed attacks on various forts to disrupt British plans. On one notable instance, he was able to trick the British army into retreating from a battle they likely would have won because of a supposed attack on New York.

This Noble Phantasm manifests as a psychological attack. By activating this Phantasm, he is able to insert a sentence or phrase of his own into his enemy’s thought process, often without them noticing. Though it has some fairly obvious applications outside of combat, it becomes especially potent in combat, where reflexes and quick reactions are everything. By inserting phrases like “Dodge”, “Strike”, or “Deflect” at the incorrect moments, he is able to disrupt his opponent’s thinking and timing, thereby granting him the advantage. He is also able to control the intensity and subtlety of the insertion, ranging from nearly imperceptible suggestions to fully dominant thoughts. At its strongest usage, 711 is capable of “screaming” a thought in his opponent’s mind, giving them a splitting headache and making it difficult to focus on anything else. Of course, doing so will reveal the nature of the Phantasm, and 711's opponent will be more wary of their thoughts.

This ability is not without weaknesses. Firstly, high ranks of Magic Resistance (A-rank or higher) will be able to cancel the psychological attack completely. Apart from that, it has decreased effectiveness against those who fight by “feeling” rather than “thinking.” For example, those possessing skills like Instinct, Eye of the Mind (False), or Mad Enhancement.

Sympathetic Stain

Superior Intelligence Techniques

Type: Anti-Unit
Rank: C+
Range: 5-30
Max. Target: 1 person

While working as a spymaster during the Revolutionary War, 711 pioneered many techniques to increase the effectiveness of his network. Of all of these techniques, perhaps the most unique was the Sympathetic Stain. “The Stain” was a kind of invisible ink that was far more effective than previous versions as it could not be revealed by fire or lemon juice. Instead, it required a specific chemical agent to undo it. Though not actually particularly widespread, “The Stain” is a perfect example of the high-level intelligence techniques used by the Americans that resulted in their victory. It can be easy to underestimate the significance of these tactics, but they were arguably one of the most important factors in the American victory in the Revolutionary War. These espionage tactics were so monumentally important and successful that they were effectively a weapon in and of themselves. Or, as Heroic Spirit Assassin, a Noble Phantasm.

This Noble Phantasm manifests as a vial filled with clear, difficult-to-perceive liquid which 711 can freely manipulate, and thus serves as one of his main weapons. Though the vial itself is tiny, it contains a deceptively large amount of liquid for 711 to use. The damage he can do by manipulating the invisible ink is comparable to damage from pressurized water. However, these attacks have the obvious advantage of being incredibly difficult to see, making it so that only the most skilled opponents have a chance of properly defending themselves or evading.

Despite that, this Noble Phantasm does have a few notable weaknesses. If 711’s opponents are especially intelligent, they may be able to develop the counterpart to the Sympathetic Stain that would fully reveal it. Upon exposing the Stain to its counterpart, it instantly blackens for the remainder of the war, becoming far less dangerous (though not entirely useless). In addition, as previously mentioned, suitably skilled opponents might be able to compensate for the effect (similarly to Invisible Air).

Lore

711’s true name is George Washington, the famous Commander-in-Chief and first president of the United States. If summoned in a class like Archer or Rider, he would be a powerful combat-oriented Servant, especially if summoned in America. As Assassin, though, his true nature as Glorious Founding Father, General, and President has been suppressed and replaced with 711, American spymaster. 711 was Washington’s code number during one of his many intelligence operations. While not widely recognized, his efforts in organizing intelligence and spy networks was massively influential, and possibly even the reason for the U.S. victory in the Revolutionary War. As one defeated British officer put it, “Washington did not really outfight the British. He simply out-spied us.”

Personality

In popular culture, Washington is sometimes portrayed almost like one of the knights of legend: courageous, selfless, honest...In any Class other than this one (and Berserker), Washington’s personality would resemble this view.

However, the idea of Washington as a spymaster and Assassin is far enough from this view of Washington’s personality that it is slightly different. Rather than the outstated honor and nobility of his counterparts, 711 is more...quietly competent, with a decisive and cunning streak. While still a fundamentally kind-hearted and heroic soul, he expresses this nature far more subtly.

Regardless of Class, 711 has a deep love for his country, and a fondness for animals, particularly dogs, horses, or eagles. While he doesn’t mind the Assassin Class, he will sometimes remark that he misses Nelson, his favorite horse.

Tactics

A rather versatile Servant with a slight focus on gathering, controlling, and manipulating information. His abilities, when intelligently combined, can quickly become very dangerous. As for personality, 711 is a rational and intelligent man, and won’t be a problem for most Masters.

As a final note, 711 is probably not as directly powerful as Washington might be in other classes. For that reason, summoning him in a Class like Rider might be better. However, 711’s contributions as a Spymaster were nonetheless extremely important, and he is not to be underestimated.

[JetKinen]

Fun idea, but i feel like you're missing out obvious connections with the two American Intelligence Agencies, the CIA and the FBI

I understand they were created long after Big G, but c'mon.

[4score7years]

Fun idea, but i feel like you're missing out obvious connections with the two American Intelligence Agencies, the CIA and the FBI

I understand they were created long after Big G, but c'mon.

I very briefly mentioned it under the skill "Black Arts," but you might be right. According to the official CIA page about him, he could be considered America's first DCI, which is pretty significant. There might be a little something more I could do with that. I'll sleep on it, and then maybe add something more tomorrow.

[Ail Don]

Well I certainly wasn't expecting to see an edgy Assassin Washington today but I'm glad I did.
Pretty solid all around, I know you like to take your time with these. Just some cursory stuff right now.

Charisma doesn't really seem like an especially effective skill as an Assassin. Maybe Incitement instead? Washington was known for being a great orator too, and it would probably help with his first Noble Phantasm.
I respect the decision to seal Founding Father. If Edison is anything to go by, Washington in any class is going to be a monster.
I do feel like Sympathetic Stain is a little lacking. Or at least, it could do something more related to its actual explicit purpose as an invisible ink. Maybe he can cover himself with it to boost his Presence Concealment or something. Just a thought.

[4score7years]

Well I certainly wasn't expecting to see an edgy Assassin Washington today but I'm glad I did.
Pretty solid all around, I know you like to take your time with these. Just some cursory stuff right now.

Charisma doesn't really seem like an especially effective skill as an Assassin. Maybe Incitement instead? Washington was known for being a great orator too, and it would probably help with his first Noble Phantasm.
I respect the decision to seal Founding Father. If Edison is anything to go by, Washington in any class is going to be a monster.
I do feel like Sympathetic Stain is a little lacking. Or at least, it could do something more related to its actual explicit purpose as an invisible ink. Maybe he can cover himself with it to boost his Presence Concealment or something. Just a thought.

-IIRC Washington was actually considered to have been a rather awkward and shy public speaker. Might need to crack out the history books to figure out what I'm going to do for that one.
-And yeah Sympathetic Stain criticism is fair. Pretty much the beginning and ending thought process for that one was "lol what if Washington could waterbend Invisible Ink." As I said, this was mostly made as a way to clear my head from excessive Nietzsche philosophy.

[MehKitteh]

Curie: Curie best waifu.
She's pretty great for a Caster, and her NP (especially Miasma Field) is great. Definitely best waif/10.

711: Hmm... I can't really comment on about the 'Murican history and all, but I liked the NPs. The Stain and American Misinformation are pretty unique NPs, but as Don said The Stain needs moar.

[Tobias]

Sounds you you have quite the taste for Japanese curie

[SpoonyViking]

Argh.

[Historia]

Sounds you you have quite the taste for Japanese curie

Us on the left

[Tobias]

You love it

[Historia]

You love it

To be honest,

Yeah. I do.

[RoydGolden]

Argh.

...It's a Ciel joke, right?