When you make a sheet of a character someone else has already done and you ruin yourself by looking at the other sheet and the more you look at it the more the first sheet seems more perfect than whatever you can come up with.
This is why I stick to obscure shit damn it.
Ugh, now I have to figure out how to make the crossover Shinji a combo of Wimp!Shinji and Asshole!Shinji while keeping him at least slightly sympathetic.Originally Posted by forumghost
and then make sure the NGE stuff meshes with the Fate stuff.
curse you guys, you make my Muse get excited.
Last edited by WhatShouldNotBe; January 22nd, 2017 at 06:11 PM.
Yeah, really sticks it in your confidence. It sucks.
"Only in my company, will you not be a monster"
anywhere than here
Hence why, generally, when I'm planning on writing a sheet I deliberately avoid looking at versions people have already done. Helps keep my creative vision pure.
When I do write up sheets for Servants I've already seen depicted, it's generally after quite a lot of time has passed and I don't remember much more then bare details of the other one.
On the other hand, sometimes you get something that's so obviously wrong it motivates you to do better out of spite.
I personally just do my own regardless of previous ones for the most part (Diomedes, Odysseus, Mary Tudor and Roland). However if there are some figures that have been done to death and interpreted in every way I won't bother, such as with Khutulun.
Quest of Fate
Apocrypha Universe Fate Quest Project
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Beast's Lair Discord Server For Fate Quests
Hermes Servant Collection Master Post
My first servant here, edited and on the right tread this time, hope you guys enjoy.
True name - Hou Yi
Class - Archer, Berserker
Stats
STR: B
END: B+
AGL: A
MAG: B
LCK: C
NP-A++
Legend
Ever since the Existance know as the God of Archery, Hou Yi, came to be, he had his fated bow alongside him, the supreme weapon capable of striking down any living being,including the immortals, and they share a history of killing together.
It all begins when the 10 sun-birds that were responsible for giving heat and light to the planet decided to rampage and all of them go out at the same time,instead of only one as it was their function. This caused the Earth to became a scorching desert where no living being could ever hope to live. To prevent the destruction of all life on Earth, the sun's mother called Hou Yi and his bow,often treated as an existence by itself, to try to convince the sun-birds to go back to their normal function. Hou Yiprodly accepts the job and go talk to the sun-birds. The conversation goes badly and the sun-birds makes Hou Yi go mad for the first time and be sure of the idea that the only way of saving the Earth is by killing the suns. He asks his bow if he is allowed to utilize it's powers.His bow consent with his user and awakens, Hou yi shots 9 arrows, that instantly kills 9 sun-birds and before he began to ready the last arrow, his bow denies it an and stops the awakening, making Hou Yi go back to reason and realizes that if he kills all the suns, the Earth will be doomed with eternal cold and darkness. He makes the last sun-bird work day after day until the ends of time and go back to the gods home.
The mother of the sun-birds was not satisfied with the outcome of the situation, cursing him for killing her sons and banishing him to the realmof the mortals that he cared so much for,stripping him of his immortality. For the surprise of both of them, his bow followed him to Earth as he was still a whorty wielder
On Earth, Hou Yi decides living his life as a human by being a monster slayer and solver problem. He started killing a lot of monsters, demons ,and even some divine spirits that treatened his dear mortals. He became famous and was aknowledged as a hero. He got wed and was the happyest man alive.
After a few years, he is offered a chance to become immortal again by gaining 2 immortality potions if he build a palace on the sun for a god. He starts buildinjg and after almost 2 years he completes, receiving his dear prize.
He go back homeand his wife is not there,he places the potions on a chest and go hunting. His wife arives homeand found the 2 bottles. She thinks that was a new drink and drinks both of them. When Hou Yi arrives at home, she is ascending to the moon as a new god.
Perplexed by this event, he goes mad,hye stops being the benevolent hero and becomes the ruthless tyrant that do as he please. His bow continue to let himself be wielded by Hou Yi, but no longer awakens anymore as his user had lost the sight of what's trivial and what's important.
After some time,one of his disciples ambushs him at the wood and with a group of other people , they finish the tale of the archer. His bow stays by his sideuntil the very end,having no whorty user on the Earth.
After his death, his spirit ascend to the sun,where he builds a palce for himself and live there enjoying hispseudo-divinity. His bow goes to him and make company to him, as he can't leave the sun and can't even see hisbeloved wife no more.
Class Skills
As Archer:
Magic Resistance:C. Being a god that slayed multiple mytical beings and monster, he has a decent resistance to magic.Cancel spells with a chant below two verses. Cannot defend against Magecraft on the level of High-Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals.
Independent Action-A
As Berserker:
Mad Enchantment: C. Rank up for all parameters except Luck and Mana, but in exchange one can no longer think and speak properly.
Personal Skills
Presence detection: A. He can detect every presence, even hidden ones, on a radius of 200 meters around him. Beyond that, up to a 500 meters, he is able to that there is something there, altought with not much precision, much like a instinct warning him.
Yang:EX. Being the spirit of the Yang, he is more powerfull when he is bathed by sunlight, receiving a 2 rank boost on every stats beside Luck. He can also use the skill "Prana burst(flames)" equivalent to rank A, being able to call forth the sunfire to enchance his strikes or to incinerate the area around him. As he needs to be bathed by the light of the sun for this skill to activate,he can't receive it's buff if: The sun is blocked,by clouds or anything that interferes with direct sunlight; Or If he is underground or inside a building, being unable to be reached by the solar rays.
Beloved By The Moon:EX. Being married to the spirit of the Yin,that is representated by the moon, he receives a blessing that calms his spirit and prevents him from suffering while he is bathed by moonlight. It increases his natural defenses and his natural healing, giving a 1 rank boost on his End, a 2 rank boost on his magical resistance, and greatly increasing his recovery. Simple wounds can be healed in seconds and even fatal wounds can be endured. aditional healing may be required for him to heal lethal wounds. if he is summoned as a Berserker, his Mad Enchantment will be halted , giving him his normal rational capabilitie and not receiving the aditional power. If both the sun and the moon are on the sky (as for briefs moments at dawn and dusk, and on some days of the year where the moon can be spotted all day ) and he is bathed by both lights, both skills are activated at full power. If he is summoned as a Berserker,he will receive his Mad Enchantment boost while mantainning his sanity.
Divinity-A: Being a god that was revoked of his title and turned on a mortal, then had ascended to the sunonhis death, he posses a high rank divinity
Clairvoyance-B
Noble Phantasms
Yongshēng de jiéshù,The end of eternal life
The divine bow of the god of archery, a divine construct said to erase even the existance of a immortal. Altought simple in it's desing,looking like a long bow made of the finest wood, but no special carving on it, it emanates a strong pressure that makes even gods be cautios of it. It has the property to adjust it's size to fit perfectly on it's user preference's withouth losing it's power (How Yi uses it on its original form as any bow is perfect for him).It can only be wielded by those with archery skills that transcend the heavens, those unworthy can't pull the string no matter how hard it tries and even to lift the bow requires a tremend deal of strenght. Upon calling it's true name, the bow will faintly glow,realising an even greater pressure, making the nexts arrows be an araut of death to it's targets.It Can Pierce any protection and strikes with a tremendous force, destroying everything on it's way, stopping at the first live target it hits and causing a tremendous, altought short, shockwave. It can only be used when facing beings that represent a treath to the world, as it refuses to be awakened on mere triffles. It is blocked with Mad enchantment activated as he is unable to discern huge treaths and mere battles
Type: Anty-unity
Rank-A++
Maximum number of targets: 1
Sun's purge
Hou Yi prays to the sun and it is covered in flames, he can unleash the flames to cause a huge explosion around him or he can channel the flames on his arrow and fire, exploding on contact.It is only usable while Yang is activated. It can be powered up by his Prana Burst and/or firing with Yongshēng de jiéshù. With his Mad Enchantment activated, Hou Yi can only use this noble phantasm to cause the explosion.
Type: Anty-Army
Rank:A
Maximum number of targets: 1000
Moon's Guidance
Hou Yi prays to the moon while readying an arrow. The arrow shines with a strong moonlight and it's fired. The arrow will keep persuing the target until it hits the target,no matter how far it may be. Upon striking,the arrow wil explode on a pillar of light. It can only be used while "Beloved By The Moon" is activated. Only one arrow may be fired at a time and no other can be launched as one arrow is still at loose. It can be powered up by the use of his prana burst and/or Yongshēng de jiéshù. If both "Yang" and "Beloved By The Moon" are activated, he can use all 3 of his Noble Phantasms at once, altought it requires a tremendous amount of mana.
Notes: his bow, Yongshēng de jiéshù, means "The end of eternal life" on traditional chinese acording to google translator, if there is a mistake , please let me know as I know nothing of this language
Last edited by Dante_Serge; January 22nd, 2017 at 07:16 PM.
Hou Yi: You definitely balanced him a bit since my last review over in Modern Servants, which is always good to see. He's still very powerful with the two distinct buffing Skills but not quite as much so since it only applies in direct light (also, since Grail Wars generally take place at night he'd likely only receive the latter buff most of the time).
I'm still not sure whether he needs Presence Detection, honestly. I know you mentioned anecdotes in Hou Yi's legend where he discerned hiding or otherwise disguised foes but Clairvoyance at a high enough rank already accounts for stuff like precognition (future-sight) and X-ray vision, which seems like it should be enough for what you have in mind. Not entirely sure though, since I'm not too familiar on the details of Hou Yi's own legend. (I looked it up back when I was writing up a sheet for him myself, but forgot most of the details)
The rank of his first NP seems excessively high. I get you wanted to hype it up, but even freaking Excalibur, holy sword of the planet forged out of humanity's hopes and dreams is "only" A++. I'd suggest knocking off one or two + modifiers. His third NP also has no listed ranking.
Last edited by RoydGolden; January 22nd, 2017 at 07:20 PM.
I could swaer that existed A+++ NPs, but I researched after posting and found out that A++ is the cap before EX ( strange as there is B+++ or C +++ stuffs, but not A+++).Anyway it is already edited
Presence detection is a funny thing as it is a complety unique skill to Enkidu, that has rankl EX on it, so I don't know how toproper rank it. But i definitly want something besides clairvoyence that tells that "something is there" (not just for his archer self, but for his berserker self too), Presence detection can be exagerated, but instinct only will not do, if you can find amid term,i would gladly use it.
Enkidu's Presence Detection is A+ ranked actually, not EX. And I'm not saying you can't use the Skill, I was just doubting whether it was really necessary.
Eye of the Mind False
Localizationing stuff
Pretty sure it is EX, if it is only A+ i will downgrade mine to C
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also no, altought it fits better for the character in terms of background...I will put on the table
Source: http://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.p...st_id=13258215
Class: Ruler
Alignment: True Neutral
Origin: Historical
Region: Christianity and Judaism
Parameters
Strength: E
Endurance: A
Agility: B
Mana: C
Luck: C++
NP: A
Height/Weight: 150cm/42kg
Gender: Male
Likes: The Lord, his sisters
Dislikes: Being a burden
Talents: Scapegoat
Natural enemy: None
Attribute: Man
Traits: Human, Male, Servant
Armament: Nothing
Class Skills:
God’s Resolution: (A)
God's Resolution, Class Skill of the Ruler class, is the privilege of the Ruler presiding over the Holy Grail War. Each Ruler is normally granted two Command Spells for each Servant that participates in the Holy Grail War.
Two Command Spells can be used for each Servant participating in the Holy Grail War. Cannot re-purpose the Command Spells of others.
True Name Discernment: (B)
Status information such as one's identity, Skills and Parameters are automatically revealed when directly encountering a Servant.
If summoned as a Ruler, during a direct encounter, a Servant's true name and entire status information will be automatically revealed. In regards to Servants with concealment abilities, a luck check is required.
Magic Resistance: (EX)
Magic Resistance grants protection against magical effects. Differently from the Resistance effect that merely rejects Magical Energy, this ability cancels the spells altogether.
As one who met Jesus in life and was also a much closer friend to him than most, Ruler’s piety is so strong and steadfast that it’s taken for granted. The protection granted it astronomical, defending from almost every kind of thaumaturgy no matter the rank.
Personal Skills:
Embodied Miracle: (A+)
A miracle is the fashioning of the possible out of the impossible. The celebration of those who create said miracles is well-deserved; most are often venerated for their miraculous skill. But there are two sides to a miracle. The one who initiates it, and the one or thing who receives it. This Skill is the definition of one who has had a miracle enacted upon them, rather than creating their own. Luck is permanently increased by rank, as well as an additional effect belonging to the specific miracle surrounding them.
Ruler, who never created his own miracle in life as much as he was the recipient of numerous--with one standing out for obvious reasons--has been so affected that it can be said his physical body is itself one living Miracle.
Ruler’s bodily fluids carry potent regenerative properties. Dead tissue, plants, and even magical circuits can be healed with a few drops of his blood. Drastically raises his own Endurance level as well as a result of continuous reconstruction. Prana transfers are also less necessary, much to his relief.
Rosy-Cheeked Adonis: (C-)
Rosy-cheeked Adonis is the disposition as a pretty boy who charms people. A fascination magic-like effect that works on both men and women, but one can abate it so long there is a will to resist. Complete evasion by means of a Magic Resistance Skill is possible.
Is it any question that he’s cute? However, he’s torn from remembering the happy times of his youth with this big sisters and the time when his cuteness got that man in trouble, so it suffers a rank down. The fascination aspect of the skill is higher than what’s perceived, but the attention gained isn’t always positive. The fact remains, if he can get someone like Martha to gush over him, then the sky’s the limit.
Protection of the Faith: (A)
Protection of the Faith is a Skill possessed only by those who have sacrificed themselves for a religious view. Despite being a form of divine protection, it is not a blessing from a higher existence. It is only the absoluteness of one's body and soul, which is born from faith. But if it is too high, it causes abnormalities in the personality.
A time before Ruler was ordained as a saint, this skill takes the place of such sainthood as a representation of the faith of a young man. The same rank as his sister’s of the same skill, he is similarly little affected by any changes to personality.
Knight Tactics: (E)
Knight Tactics is a battle methodology in which one grasps the flow of battle and induces the opponent to make a mistake, even without being a match for him/her in strength. A Skill not for self-strengthening, but to invite a check failure for the opponent. Consists of composed observation powers to wager on a momentary chance of victory.
Before the coming of Christ and his family’s subsequent impoverishment and exile, Ruler had trained to become a knight before becoming a believer. Even after he turned to a life of extreme supplication, he continued to focus his conversion efforts on knights and loved to watch them. A skill born from an ardent love of the lifestyle bordering on fanboyism rather than one earned through effort. Although to avoid his sisters’ bullying he must have had to employ it once or twice...
Noble Phantasm
Lore
Personality
---------------------------------
If Martha is the DPS of the sibling Holy Trinity, then Lazarus is a composite Tank/Healer.
Damn, that actually got a real laugh out of me. Nice one.
And pretty great sheet in general, actually. Really creative effect for the first NP in particular, and interesting skill choices. Is the second NP one time usage, or can he do it over and over?
Lazurus feels so cuddly
Nice sheet all and all, definitely has the feels of a support Servant. Is not that strong as a fighter but thats pretty much perfect for the Ruler Class as their real purpose is not really participate in the fighting but to adminster, though his NPs can save him if he were in a pinch. I very much like it and found it awesome. Great work.
"Only in my company, will you not be a monster"
anywhere than here
I like it! His skillset makes him a good Ruler too. I have to ask, considering the myth, does it take four days for him to revive or is it instant?
Kind of makes me want to do a Christian servant too... I'll be right back
Technically he can use it over and over, but there's always the mana cost to think about which probably keeps it in a little bit more of a realistic perspective.
Lazarus is a good boy he dindu nuffin
Thanks! I tried to make him as different from Fun's version as I could while giving him enough of his own stuff to make summoning as a true Servant viable. Hope I got the job done.
On second thought it probably should take four days, I'll fix that.
Have to say, I never would've imagined Lazarus as the moe type but your portrayal of him has definitely won me over. His personality is thoroughly fleshed out and shines through to just about every aspect of the sheet itself, including Skills and the like. Seriously, those quotes (especially the Diarmuid one) were a level of adorable I'm altogether unprepared to deal with.
Since I wrote up a moe!Jesus myself, I'm a little curious as to how he'd get along with that version of her.
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Also, Ail Don, the more sheets you post the more I realize that I think you're honestly one of my favorite contributors around here. While your sheets don't have the same stupendous amount of detail Adlet crams into his, they nearly always have a unique flavor and characterization that I could see fitting into canon easily.
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I mean, from Kamen Rider Cartemandua to Counter Guardian Phil the groundhog and now shota!Lazarus, every one of your sheets lately has been an unforgettable pleasure to read.
I'm just not sure how you can say Lazarus "trained to be a knight". There were no knights at that time.
Hmm. Well, there were knight-like individuals I suppose, if not actual orders.
I have to say though, while the knightly infatuation does add a lot to his personality I can't really find any part of Lazarus' legend to justify it. Then again, I can find hardly anything of detail on Lazarus' life from a brief Wikipedia search, so I presume Ail just looked at more detailed sources then I did.
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