Create-A-Servant 2

[mewarmo990]

SUUUUUUUPERSLAAAAAM

[Alexcoene]

Source :http://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.p...ust_id=5269505
True Name: Dorothy Gale
Class: Assassin
Alternate Classes: Rider
Alignment: Chaotic Good
Origin: The Wizard of Oz
Region: Kansas

Parameters
Strength: E
Endurance: E
Agility: B
Mana: D
Luck: A
NP: C

Height/Weight: 137m/30kg
Gender: Female
Likes: Meeting new people, Dogs
Dislikes: Self-Deprecation
Talents: Accidental slaying of witches
Natural Enemy: The Wicked Witch of the West
Attribute: Man
Traits: Human
Armament: A Bucket

Class Skills:


Presence Concealment: (D)
The capacity to hide one's presence as a Servant. This rank is suitable for spying.
While Assassin has no famous feats that involve her hiding from sight, her summoning under this class allow her to pass as a normal human to prepare surprise attacks.


Personal Skills:


Bravery: (B)
The ability to negate mental interference such as pressure, confusion and fascination.
Despite being stranded in the unfamilliar and fantastical land of Oz at a young age, Assassin never faltered and bravely confronted each new perils she met.


Protection of the Good Witch: (A)
A unique skill representing the magic protection granted to Assassin by the Good Witch of the North. By kissing Assassin on the forehead, she applied a magical mark that woul protect her because "no one will dare injure a person who has been kissed by the Witch of the North". This was proven true when even the Wicked Witch of the West couldn't manage to harm her, instead choosing to make her her slave. The moment the opponent sees the mark on her head, they will find themselves convinced by magical means that "this one is not to be harmed" and thus will not attack or otherwise harm her. This effect can be resisted by Magical Resistance a skill that grant protection against mental interferance. OF course, this skill is only usable when her forehead is visible.


Accidental Victor: (B)
A skill that denote one whose feats were not brought upon by their own abilities, but from pure dumb luck. It works a bit like Instinct. However, instead of "feeling" the most favorable developments in battle, the owner in this skill will happen to accomplishes actions that will grant them advantages. They will unknowingly avoid traps, accidentaly use the enemy's weakness against them and find utterly important items without recognising them.
While she was truly a brave and kind young girl, Assassin's accomplishments were all achieved out of luck: her house just happened to fall unto a wicked witch, she met her future companion simply by wandering about and she discovered her worst enemy's weakness by accident. Indeed, she cannot be called "someone who prevailed thanks to their abilities and became a hero", but rather as "someone who was at the right place at the right time and was thus granted glory".

Noble Phantasm

Silver Shoes
Prize of the Witch of the East


Anti-Unit(Self)
Rank: C
Range: N/A
Max Target: 1-4


When Assassin was transported along with her farmhouse and her dog Toto, she accidentally crushed the Wicked Witch of the West. As reward for the accidental freeing of the munchkin, who were under the wtich's tyranny, the Good Witch of the North gave her the wicked sorceress's magic shoes. At the end of her journey, she learned from the ruler of Oz that they were capable of transporting them whenever she wanted. She thus used them to go back to her home in Kansas. While the novel says that she lost them during the travel, she in fact kept them and used them to travel to Oz whenever she wanted. She lied to ensure that she wouldn't be bothered by curious people wanting to see them in person.

Now, these magical shoes can be used as a Noble Phantasm. By invoking it's true name, Assassin can create a special pathway that she call a "Yellow Brick Road" connecting her current location to a place of her choosing, provided she has already been to her destination. She can take this path alongside a maximum of three allies to accomplish the travel near-instantly. However, this is not teleportation, as she and her companion will clearly remember having taken a path, tough far shorter and quicker to cross than it should be. To outside observers, it will seem that they transform momentarily into a ray light. As such, it is possible to cut it and stop her, tough it would take an Agility of A or above to perform such a feat.

Copper Bucket
Defeat of the Witch of the West


Anti-Unit
Rank: D
Range: 1-10
Max Target: 1


While Assassin was forced into slavery by the Wicked Witch of the West, the sorceress tricked the young her into losing one of her silver shoes by tripping over an invisible iron bar. Angered, Assassin throw at her the water she was warrying in a bucket. She was suprised by the sight of the wich melting; she unknowingly used the sorceress's weakpoint against her. As one of her tale's more iconic moment, it has been crystallised into one of her Noble Phantasm, even gaining a name that is thematically consistent with her other Noble Phantasm.

It takes the form of a bucket made of copper, tough it is so well-made and finely decorated that it would be impossible to mistake for a mundane object. It can used as a improvised melee weapon, but its unusual shape and Assassin's weak physical strength make it clearly unfitting for this role. By invoking its true name, it will release a torrent of water at the enemy. Even then, this attack is rather weak against most servants. The truly deadly effect is its aftermath. Any person that is struck by this attack will see their soul turn against their body: all of their Magic Circuits will be converted into a deadly energy that will consume the body until one of the two is consumed. Their body will melt into a flak of residual mana. While it will do nothing to normal humans, it will almost instantly kill any magus. Even if they are somehow saved from this grisly fate, their Magic Circuits will be completely consumed and thus they will be unable to practice magic. It is a truly terrifying "Anti-Magus" attack. It also does great damage against servants that use magic, but unlike mortal maguses, they can resist it to some extent and their magic powers will not disappear.


Golden Cap
Mastery of the Winged Monkey


Anti-Army
Rank: C
Range: 1-10
Max Target: 30


Long ago, in the magical land of Oz, lived a powerful sorceress named Gayelette that was betrothed to the wise and handsome Quelala. During their wedding, mischevious Phantasmal Beasts known as Flying Monkeys came to play pranks on them. They pushed the groom into a river, ruining his magnificent costume. Enraged by this mischief, Galeyette punished the monkey by magically linking them to the bejewelled, golden hat she intended as a wedding gift. From now on, whoever wore it would become their master. Afterwards, this magical artifact came under the possession of the Wicked Witch of the West, who commanded the Phantasmal Beasts to capture Assassin and her friend after all of her other minions were defeated. After killing the wicked sorceress, the young girl took the hat for herself and commanded the monkeys to fly her back to the Emerald City.

Unlike other Noble Phantasm, it is not used by saying it's true name. Rather, it is activated by Assassin performing a specific ritual that involve her doing a little dance with her feet and reciting a string of made-up words. She then will summon a veritable army composed of members of the Phantasmal Species known as the Flying Monkey. She then has to give them a specific order such as "defeat that enemy" or "retrieve that object". They will then do all in their power to grant this wishes. They are rather weak individually, but their sheer number makes them dangerous to face and difficult to overcome to most servants. However, this Noble Phantasm has two downsides: the first is that the Monkey cannot remain in this world for longer than one hour, after wich they will disappear, and the fact that it can only be used three time in the Grail War. After that, it will be completely unusable for the rest of the conflict. As such, it is not a ability that can be used lightly.


If she was summoned as a Rider, she would have more control over this Noble Phantasm. While she couldn't summon as many monkey at the same time, she wouldn't be limited to three uses and could choose how many she summon at a time. She also could summon the King of Flying Monkey, who would be far stronger than his subject, and use him as her main mount.

Lore

Assassin's True Name is Dorothy Gale, the main heroine of the Wizard of Oz, the famous 1900 novel. More precisely, she is person that was the inspiration behind it.

For as long as she remember, she was a orphan, born near the end of the nineteenth century. She lived with her uncle and her aunt in their farm in Kansas, helping them in their tasks whenever she could. It was a peaceful and happy life, when she lived without much worry in the world.
That all changed one day, where a enormous transported her, her farmhouse and her dog Toto into the magical Land of Oz. There, she lived an adventure much like the one described in the book and came back home after.

She described her adventure to all those who were willing to listen, but nobody believed her. One of the people she told the tale to was a writer. He decided to adapt her account into a novel. The book that he written became internationaly known, becoming a classic work of literature. This has allowed Dorothy, the inspiration behind it, to accent to the Throne of Heroes.

While the first book definitely happened for real with only some difference in the finer details, it is unlikely that the later works in the Oz series were inspired by further accounts of Dorothy's adventures in the magical land. Indeed, they hold that she settled in Oz and thus become unaging, wich if it were true, make it unlikely that she could have become an Heroic Spirit by dying.

If they are true or not doesn't matter much, anyway. The reason why is tied to the explanation for the fact that she can be summoned as an Assassin servant. When she came before the Wizard that ruled over Oz, she demanded that he tell her how to go back home to Kansas. He answered that if she slayed the Wicked Witch of the West, he would give her the means to do that. Which she did. Even if the means of killing was accidental, the fact that she accepted to kill another person for a compensation makes her truly a assassin, if only technically. As the first book was the only work in the serie where she did such activity, she is summoned only under the traits that she had in this adventure, wich is likely her only true one.

Personality

A brazen and plucky girl, who doesn't back down in front of any danger. While she knows that she is not strong enough to challenge most servants, she is definitely not a coward at hearth and isn't easily intimidated at all. She likes going to new places and meeting new people. However, her tendency to speak whatever she thinks in brutal honesty makes her rather inept in socialising. She hates when people downplay their own abilities or are otherwise too hard on themselves. She'll be quick to correct them and brought up their qualities, tough she may unknowingly sound harsh.

She has no qualms about using her Copper Bucket against enemies Magus despite it's downright disturbing abilities. As she explains: "They chose to enter this war, didn't they ? If they are willing to kill other people for the sake of their goal, then they should expect to be killed too." The only exception is if the Magus somehow entered the war against their will. In these cases, she tries to be diplomatic as possible, trying to convince them to give up the war and to find alternate solution to their problem. Most of the time, her alternate solution will be to kill the one who forced them to enter in the first place.

[RoydGolden]

Servant Saber:

True Name: Flavius Aetius 'Terror of the Barbarians'

Alignment: Neutral Good

Alternate Classes: Rider, Shielder

Strength- B
Agility- C
Endurance- A+
Mana- C
Luck- EX
NP- A++

Appearance:


History:

Warning, some spoilers for Extella

5th century in Ancient Rome. Forces led by Attila the Hun spearheaded an unstoppable path of destruction across the western continent, looting and pillaging all in their wake. What few at the time knew was that Attila, the champion of the Huns, her true name being Altera, was actually an artificial being crafted by a certain alien race to annihilate humanity for some enigmatic end.

With neither thought nor emotion, Altera carved her bloody trail towards Rome, the beacon of western civilization in that era. If Rome should fall, then there was no doubt that all of civilization... nay, all humanity would fall along with it.

Human might alone could not still the Huns' progress, thus a savior was born. A miracle unseen since days of myth, the rare result of Gaea and Alaya pouring their powers together in unison to repel a threat that endangered both alike. From the heart of the planet itself emerged a man, but not born by the hands of man. An artificial being crafted for the sole purpose of destroying the invading Hunnic forces led by Altera and safeguarding humanity.

Saber fought. He unified the disparate tribes surrounding Rome and put his all into one final stand to repel the Hunnic forces at the plains of Catalaunian. It was an epic struggle, but finally and against all odds the barbarian lord was driven back in defeat, albeit at great costs to Saber himself and to Rome.

The hills and fields of the battlefield were soaked red in blood from both sides, but yet even in the midst of that grisly sight Saber was satisfied. He'd saved civilization. It was upon that bloodstained turf that one of the greatest victories in the name of man was ever won.

Though the Huns continued to wage war against Rome thereafter, they existed as a mere shadow of their former dreadful glory. Altera's aura of invincibility had been broken and they now stood, not as inhuman conquerers but merely one tribe amongst many. The Hunnic empire itself was torn asunder by in-fighting after Altera's own sudden demise and fractured into disarray not long after Saber's victory.

In the aftermath of Saber's great triumph, the grateful populace raised him to a high-ranking general and statesman to oversee the workings of Rome. However, it wasn't long before the opinion of Saber in his closest confidants began to sour.

A valiant general, a faultless diplomat and a steadfast hero, yet... he was surely not human. One who sought to defend humanity from outside could not be human. One who swore themselves a defender of civilization was part of none themselves.

He did not rejoice with the Romans nor grieve their sorrows. Saber's eyes remained fixed solely on the goal of 'defending civilization' and if Rome itself ever become a threat to such, they would be destroyed in turn.

Cursing his general's cold heart, one of his closest advisors Valentinian conspired with another, Heraclius, to assassinate him. One day, when Saber entered his chambers Valentinian rose up and proclaimed in a voice of thunder that he would tolerate his inhuman nature no longer. At once, Valentinian and his co-conspirator drew their swords and pointed them at the man they'd once called a savior of Rome. They wanted to hear him defend himself. To act indignant or yell with outrage. Even to beg for his life.

Anything that a human would do. But Saber merely gave a placid smile.

"...Ah, I see. So my time on this planet really is up now, huh?"

He said that in an unwavering voice without any regrets or sorrow.

That was the final straw. This inhuman being wearing the skin of man had to die. Letting out a battlecry, the two men assailed Saber from either side and together struck him over the head with their blades. While Saber could've easily defended himself with overwhelming power, he saw no reason to. After all, his mission of defending civilization had already been completed. Everything else was nothing more then wasted effort.

Even in his last moments, betrayed by those he'd saved, Saber held no regrets. Not cursing his assassins, nor lamenting his fate.

'If this body could pave a prosperous future for all of humanity, then I'd give it up without any hesitation.'

That was the path Saber set out upon from the start, so it made no difference whether he met his end by barbarians or traitors. Darkness encroaching upon the corners of his vision, Flavius Aetius passed away from the world of man.

Personality: A stoic and taciturn boy, appearing almost robotic. Being an automaton crafted by the planet to defend human civilization, Saber shows little emotion or livelihood separate from his entrusted task. While he fought for humanity to his dying breath, Saber didn't so out of love or a sense of justice but simply to fulfill the "purpose" encoded into his very being.

Though their purposes are diametrically opposite, his existence is fundamentally not so different from the King of the Huns herself. However, that is not to say Saber has no emotions at all, but rather that he was not allowed the chance to develop them in life. In the Holy Grail War when he is theoretically freed from the shackles of his "purpose" Saber may start to come out into his own self.

He is almost childishly innocent and completely oblivious to human motives, while being fascinated by the simplest things such as modern vehicles or ice cream. Actually, he's a seriously cute individual who would tug at any girl's heartstrings. Over time and with a kind Master, Saber will likely begin developing a genuine love and warm feeling for humanity, fighting not simply to fulfill his imperative but out of a freely chosen benevolence towards sentient life.

However, there is a harsh side to his personality as well. Saber is totally ruthless towards anyone who he deems a threat to human civilization. Upon encountering such individuals, he will cast off his emotions and become an unfeeling destroyer to annihilate the enemy for the sake of civilization. It matters not whether the target is good or evil at heart or whether the threat they pose is chosen, so long as they threaten the civilization Saber swears himself upon he will purge them without hesitation.

Despite them being very similar at heart, he will certainly clash if summoned alongside Altera herself, who he'll stubbornly refuse to admit could choose to be anything other then the engine of destruction she was in life. As the greatest threat to human civilization, Saber puts destroying her as his highest priority regardless of circumstance.

Summoned in the modern day, Saber also takes a great liking towards science-fiction movies, particularly those showing humanity triumphing against wicked alien invaders. However, he dislikes movies which portray the aliens as good guys and humanity to be in the wrong. Despite a warrior's demeanor, he really is a little kid at heart.

Likes: humanity, civilization, science-fiction
Dislikes: barbarians, anything that threatens civilization
Talent: defending civilization
Natural Enemy: Harbinger Of Destruction


Class Skills:

Magic Resistance (B)- Cancels spells with an incantation below three verses, proving difficult to affect even by the likes of High Thaumaturgy or Greater Rituals. Hailing from well after the Age of Gods, Saber's rank would normally be the bare minimum afforded by his Class Container. However, due to being specifically birthed by the planet for the sake of repelling otherworldly threats, his rank is increased to a level beyond what would be expected of a mere human.

Riding (B)- Can ride most animals with a medium to high degree of skill, but not Phantasmal or Divine Beasts. While not specifically famous for riding steeds, as a warrior of great martial vigor it can be assumed he had a fair deal of familiarity with them.


Personal Skills:

Charisma (B+)- Ability to inspire and lead armies. Saber managed the remarkable feat of unifying the many warrior tribes surrounding Rome against the invading Huns led by Altera. Though many were enemies of Rome, Saber brought them together under a common cause of defending Gaul from the barbarian hordes. Not simply in leading troops on the battlefield, Saber's charismatic nature manifests as an exceptional talent for uniting erstwhile rivals against a mutual enemy.

Military Tactics (C+)- Tactical instinctive ability used not for one on one combat, but on a battlefield where many are mobilized. Saber is viewed as a great military commander who won one of the most decisive battles in all of history, giving the Huns their first true defeat and shattering their illusion of invincibility.

Guardian Knight (X/A)- Connotes increase in defensive attributes shown while standing guard over another. Saber's reputation as 'the absolute defender of civilization against the barbarian hordes' has garnered him a high rank in this Skill. However, this Skill only takes effect regarding that which Saber recognizes as 'civilization'. In the case of the present Holy Grail War, this forms a gestalt concept with his first Noble Phantasm that embodies 'defense of Western civilization' and is only usable in tandem with that ability, sealed otherwise.

Vanguard Of The Stars (EX)- A unique Skill afforded to those heroes that valiantly defended turning points in human history. Differing from Pioneer Of The Stars, it regards those who fought to protect an existing order rather then forging a new one in the farthest horizon. Acting as a compliment to his Guardian Knight Skill, this turns any defensive battle or challenge that could be considered 'impossible' into 'events that can be realized'. The entirety of Western civilization hung in the balance of Saber's famous battle with the Huns. His victory decisively halted the Huns' rapacious advance, safeguarding Rome- the embodiment of the Western World in that time- and driving off the barbarian hordes. While Huns persisted in waging attacks against Rome for some time after, their name never again possessed the same terror as it had in ages past. For those feats in defense of civilization and permanently crippling one of the largest and most terrifying empires in the ancient world, Saber possesses a high rank in this Skill.


Noble Phantasms:


Protectores Roma Civilis- Valiant Vanguard Of Civilization (A+, Anti-Purge): A Noble Phantasm representing Saber's role and legend as a defender of Western civilization from the barbarian hordes that threatened it. As an annointed 'protector of the world', Saber's body and soul are specifically crafted for the single and all-encompassing purpose of 'defending civilization'. As such, this Noble Phantasm is a crystallization not merely of Saber's legend, but a mandate carved into his very bones.

By securing the leylines of the surrounding area, Saber may invoke this Noble Phantasm to designate it as the 'civilization' he wishes to protect. Upon doing so, his Guardian Knight Skill is immediately unsealed and he gains enormous defensive attributes while fighting in defense of that 'civilization'. In addition, any who trespass within the marked domain with hostile intent are immediately branded as 'enemies of civilization' whom are rejected by the World itself, having their Mana drained gradually drained the longer they remain.

To attack the secured domain is to attack 'civilization' itself. As such, the terrain becomes able to weather all but the strongest attacks, with the power needed to destroy it equal to that required for annihilating an entire civilization. Similar to a certain shield that bears the weight of the entire world, this is a stalwart defense that only attacks with an 'Anti-Civilization' or similarly powerful designation (such as Anti-World or Anti-God) can break through.

As a visual effect, a magnificent golden aura surrounds the selected area which regardless of its original appearance is rapidly restructured into what Saber deems to be the pinnacle of human civilization- in other words, ancient Rome.

Created to defend civilization from those that threaten it, this Noble Phantasm marks Saber as an absolute anti-thesis to the King of the Huns Altera.


Catalaunicis Bello- Humbling Of The Barbarian King (B, Anti-Unit): A Noble Phantasm crystallizing Saber's victory in the Battle of Catalaunian Plains, repelling the Hunnic forces and paving the way for their utter defeat later on. This Noble Phantasm takes the shape of a hefty black and red sword bearing a slightly futuristic and otherworldly design, easily as tall as Saber himself. Despite a rather demonic appearance, it is a genuine holy sword forged at the heart of the planet itself and given to Saber for the sake of defending humanity.

While the Battle of Catalaunian was doubtlessly decisive, the true merits of Saber's victory were not so much tactical as psychological. Handing the Huns their first true defeat, Saber dispelled their aura of invincibility. Thusly, this Noble Phantasm's most insidious property is shown when forcing the opponent into retreat.

Its criteria are fulfilled when an enemy flees from combat with Saber, or else is defeated by him and then spared. Upon this happening, a potent curse is imposed upon the opponent, permanently crippling them for the remainder of the Grail War. All parameters are lowered by one full ranking, as well as any Skills embodying authority of rulership such as Charisma, Golden Rule or Divinity. Furthermore, the enemy's strongest Noble Phantasm is also sealed and can no longer be invoked.

A powerful effect mirroring that of Saber's triumph on the Hunnic Empire, which went from one of the largest and most terrifying in the ancient world to falling apart and collapsing into disarray not long after their defeat at his hands.

Being of a merciful and diplomatic nature, Saber prefers to use this Noble Phantasm as an opportunity to strike up alliances with his weakened opponents. Once they're no longer able to pose a suitable threat against him, Saber will invite them to band together as his allies with a promise to somehow share the Grail's bounty equitably. Should they agree to this pact, Saber can negate the effects of this Noble Phantasm at will to allow them to fight at full power at his side. However, in case of betrayal he can instantly reactivate it to put them once more at a disadvantage.

It is commonly believed that Saber allowed the Huns to retreat in the hopes of establishing a partnership status with them in future. While in fact Saber simply saw no need to pursue further combat after his mission of safeguarding civilization was completed, it nontheless accentuated his reputation as a crafty politician.

Once activated, a crimson 'chain' formed out of Ancient Roman letters shoots from the handle of Saber's blade to reach into the target's chest and bind their heart, before vanishing from sight similar to a Servant entering astral form. This is a simple visualization of the Noble Phantasm's effects and the 'chain' cannot be evaded or parried by any means, crossing any distance instantly to reach the target. If the sword is broken or Saber himself is killed, all effects of this Noble Phantasm will immediately be overturned.


Cadavera Vero Innumera- Victorious Scarlet Tide (A++, Anti-Army): The true power of Saber's holy sword, representing the bloody destruction inflicted upon the Huns during the Battle of Catalaunian Plains. By invoking its true name and cleaving it through the air, the blade unleashes surging waves of scarlet Mana across the battlefield- reminiscent of blood. These waves cover a great range in front of Saber, destroying enemies while leaving any 'civilization' such as buildings and settlements utterly untouched.

This attack evokes the imagery of the famous battle itself, where both sides warred against one another so vigorously that it was said the plains and nearby brook were soaked red with blood from the innumerable slain.

While formidable on its own, the power of this Noble Phantasm rises sharply when used against foes that are recognized as barbarians, pose a threat to human civilization as a whole or originate from outside of Gaea. When all three criteria are fulfilled, such as regarding Altera herself, all restrictions are unlocked and its true potential as a holy sword is unleashed in a catastrophic crimson deluge, expunging all enemies that threaten the world with overwhelming power.

[Alexcoene]

@Flavius Aetius: He seems really powerful for a relatively unknown character, but I suppose that make sense if you look at canon Atilla. Tough I think his second NP is a bit too much. I think you should remove the part about cancelling Np because he's already crazy powerful as it is. Aside from that, he's a pretty standard Saber, to be honest.

[Ail Don]

@Dorothy
Anyone from the Wizard of Oz other than Oz himself showing up in this thread is surprising for sure. Forgetting the exact publication date of the novel and when the story takes place, I think you did an overall pretty good job of turning her into a Servant.
A few things, though. Since she's from literally 1900, C Mana is probably too high. The same with Bravery (equal stat as Lu Bu, remember).
I also don't like the second NP. What you've got right now is basically Origin Bullet: Bucket Mode, and I don't think Dorothy's abysmal strength is enough of a penalty for owning it.
Rest of the sheet seems fine, I like the unique skills you gave her. I'd rank the Golden Cap lower than B but that's just me.

@Flavius
Wow. I remember you mentioning this guy a while ago, so it's good to see you actually followed through on him.
I can tell you put a lot of effort into this guy--especially trying to fit the Extella dynamic--but I'd get rid of either Pioneer of the Stars or Charisma.
The first two NPs are mostly fine despite being wanked, but the last one is just a lazy rehash of Clarent Blood Arthur. Pretty unnecessary IMO.

[Alexcoene]

@Dorothy
Anyone from the Wizard of Oz other than Oz himself showing up in this thread is surprising for sure. Forgetting the exact publication date of the novel and when the story takes place, I think you did an overall pretty good job of turning her into a Servant.

Well, if the Phantom of the Opera can get in just by pretending he was a real person, then elements from the Wizard of Oz can definitely get in it.

A few things, though. Since she's from literally 1900, C Mana is probably too high. The same with Bravery (equal stat as Lu Bu, remember).

Well, my logic was that, since she met a lot of magic in life, she would have a higher rank in Mana than normal. I see what you mean, tough, and I lowered it. I disagree with Bravery, tough. I don't think courage is a trait that is affected by age. I don't think many people's first instinct upon seeing a lion roaring at them would be to slap it.

I also don't like the second NP. What you've got right now is basically Origin Bullet: Bucket Mode, and I don't think Dorothy's abysmal strength is enough of a penalty for owning it.

Well, I've precised that it's pretty much effective only against Caster and enemy Masters, and magus are suposed to be helpless against servants. After all, while Kirigitsu is badass for a human , he definitely is not at servant level.

Rest of the sheet seems fine, I like the unique skills you gave her. I'd rank the Golden Cap lower than B but that's just me.

Okay, lowered the rank.

[RoydGolden]

@Flavius
Wow. I remember you mentioning this guy a while ago, so it's good to see you actually followed through on him.
I can tell you put a lot of effort into this guy--especially trying to fit the Extella dynamic--but I'd get rid of either Pioneer of the Stars or Charisma.
The first two NPs are mostly fine despite being wanked, but the last one is just a lazy rehash of Clarent Blood Arthur. Pretty unnecessary IMO.

Regarding his last NP, there's a whole bunch of beam-swords in canon already so I don't think one more is that much of a 'rehash'. Besides, the imagery involved is different. Mordred's is basically an arc of bloody lightning whereas Flavius' takes the form of literal waves of Mana. That, and I wanted to give him a powerful offensive NP to better stand up against Altera.

- - - Updated - - -

So, I tinkered with a few things in Aetius' profile and added another paragraph to his Personality section to give a little bit more flavor. Other then that, I'm fairly satisfied with the guy as a whole. First time ever doing a Servant based off of Extella lore.

[Bird of Hermes]

Regarding his last NP, there's a whole bunch of beam-swords in canon already so I don't think one more is that much of a 'rehash'. Besides, the imagery involved is different. Mordred's is basically an arc of bloody lightning whereas Flavius' takes the form of literal waves of Mana. That, and I wanted to give him a powerful offensive NP to better stand up against Altera.

- - - Updated - - -

So, I tinkered with a few things in Aetius' profile and added another paragraph to his Personality section to give a little bit more flavor. Other then that, I'm fairly satisfied with the guy as a whole. First time ever doing a Servant based off of Extella lore.

Damn, the effort really shows here. Personally, I'm staying away from Extella lore till its out in english but I really do like your take on the guy - kinda like what I did with Genghis Khan. with the whole basis behind him. The skills work well and the NP's suit him quite well. Nicely done.

Only criticism really is that he doesn't need Charisma and Pioneer of the Stars together so I'd consider dropping the latter perhaps. But with this guy and Arthur Harris, you're doing pretty dang good.

- - - Updated - - -

True Name: Dorothy Gale

Wasn't ever expecting to see her around here. I like the two original skills you've given her as they're rather fitting. I also like the second Noble Phantasm as like in the story it's only effective against magic users. It makes use of her very situational and adds to her originality.

[JetKinen]

Pioneer really doesn't fit him.
He doesn't actually pioneer anything. In fact he defends the "old order".

It's distinctivly different from anything that Drake, Tesla and Da Vinci symbolize.

[AvengerEmiya]

That, and I wanted to give him a powerful offensive NP to better stand up against Altera.

You could have made him Attila's EMIYA and given him a NP that perfectly counters her without actually being that powerful on its own.

[RoydGolden]

Pioneer really doesn't fit him.
He doesn't actually pioneer anything. In fact he defends the "old order".

It's distinctivly different from anything that Drake, Tesla and Da Vinci symbolize.

I pretty much wanted to give him a Skill reflecting the Battle of Catalaunian Plains as a turning point of human history, and thought of that as the closest thing. I might try to spin it as an original one if I come up with any good ideas though. *shrugs*

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You could have made him Attila's EMIYA and given him a NP that perfectly counters her without actually being that powerful on its own.

Could've done that, but I more-or-less went with the approach that he 'counters' her by being a powerhouse roughly on her level. And his first NP is specifically intended to serve as a counter to her civilization-destroying stuff. (Not a good example of what you were saying though, since it's quite powerful on its own)

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Damn, the effort really shows here. Personally, I'm staying away from Extella lore till its out in english but I really do like your take on the guy - kinda like what I did with Genghis Khan. with the whole basis behind him. The skills work well and the NP's suit him quite well. Nicely done.

Only criticism really is that he doesn't need Charisma and Pioneer of the Stars together so I'd consider dropping the latter perhaps. But with this guy and Arthur Harris, you're doing pretty dang good.

Glad you liked it!

[RoydGolden]

Update: I just replaced Aetius' Pioneer Of The Stars with a more defensively oriented counterpart of my own invention. This one hopefully fits him better as somebody who defended an existing order rather then creating a new one, while still preserving my original idea of the Battle of Catalaunian as a turning point of human history.

Much thanks to JetKinen for his helpful advice!

[AvengerEmiya]

Could've done that, but I more-or-less with the approach that he 'counters' her by being a powerhouse roughly on her level. And his first NP is specifically intended to serve as a counter to her civilization-destroying stuff. (Not a good example of what you were saying though, since it's quite powerful on its own)

I'm just a fan of the Luffy>Enel, Touma>Accelator dynamic: Nigh unstoppable powerhouse gets crushed in a unforeseen upset because they're opponent's ability turned out to be anti-"them".

[RoydGolden]

I'm just a fan of the Luffy>Enel, Touma>Accelator dynamic: Nigh unstoppable powerhouse gets crushed in a unforeseen upset because they're opponent's ability turned out to be anti-"them".

That is always great when done right. I can definitely get the appeal of a good scrappy underdog crushing the seemingly invincible villain. However, I couldn't really think of how to make that work in Aetius' case, so I mostly just made him an outright powerhouse to compensate. He's essentially a more defensively oriented Altera.

[WhatShouldNotBe]

Hold on, for a Perseus sheet, would Kibisis, the bag that held Medusa's head, work well as an Anti-NP NP?

Im working a Saber!Perseus sheet, and need ideas.

[You]

read HA

[WhatShouldNotBe]

read HA

Don't understand that abbreviation, much to my shame.

[asterism42]

Hollow Ataraxia

[RoydGolden]

Hold on, for a Perseus sheet, would Kibisis, the bag that held Medusa's head, work well as an Anti-NP NP?

Im working a Saber!Perseus sheet, and need ideas.

Doesn't Kibisis essentially work on the basis of "what's inside becomes outside and the outside becomes inside"? That sounds more like anti-Bounded Field then anti-NP in my opinion. Though admittedly, just by reading the description it's kind of hard to work my head around its effects...

[WhatShouldNotBe]

Hollow Ataraxia

Ah.

Doesn't Kibisis essentially work on the basis of "what's inside becomes outside and the outside becomes inside"? That sounds more like anti-Bounded Field then anti-NP in my opinion. Though admittedly, just by reading the description it's kind of hard to work my head around its effects...

No, that's the Prototype Version. I'm not basing mine on that.