Equally laughable because he doesn't know shit.Originally Posted by Rafflesiac
It's like asking a baker to make a better cake when he critisises an amateur's sorry ass looking pastry.
Equally laughable because he doesn't know shit.
It's like asking a baker to make a better cake when he critisises an amateur's sorry ass looking pastry.
He did, and he has, multiple times.
The sheet is complete garbage, has pretty much no elements from his legend and no details on skills or NP's
-10/11, literally could cook something 10 times better up in half an hour.
I made a better Odysseus in the freaking Berserker class, and I am working on another. The lack of effort in that profile is amazeballs
First draft ftw
Not an excuse for laziness ftw
Class Name : Saber
True Name : Beowulf
Sex : Male
Alignment : Lawful Neutral
Height / Weight : 202cm/107kg
Class Skill:
Magic Resistance : B
Cancel spells with a chant below three verses. Even if targeted by High-Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals, it is difficult for him to be affected.
Riding : B
Most vehicles can be handled with above average skill. However, cannot ride the likes of Phantasm Races such as Monstrous Beast
Personal Skill:
Bravery : A
The ability to ignore any mental interference such as coercion, confusion, or illusions. At A rank, it is effectively non-existent.
Monster Slayer : B
When fighting against monsters and beasts, increase strength by one rank temporarily. Also increases damage when fighting unarmed.
This skill comes from the legend that Beowulf is a Heroic Spirit with massive strength, capable of crushing beasts and monsters even with his bare hand.
Protection from Fire : C
Reduce damage from weapons and magic based on fire.
Beowulf in his final battle fought against a powerful fire breathing dragon, resulting in his resistance against fire. Coupled with his Magic Resistance ability, this results in near-immunity against fire-based magecraft.
Blood Debt : A
As a Servant whose whole life swirl bloody combat, once an enemy has faced Saber once, he will be able to feel a 'pull' to their location, which won't disappear until he face them again and kill them in combat.
Strength : A
Endurance : A
Agility : B
Prana : C
Luck : D
Noble Phantasm : B
Noble Phantasm:
Gigant, Sword of the Giant
Rank : C
Type : Anti-Unit
Range : 4-5
Maximum target : 1 person
Indestructible giant sword.
A giant sword too big to be used in battle, only one with great strength could wield it.
Due to its true name being lost, it cannot fully utilize it's true strength as a Noble Phantasm. It, however, retains its toughness due to being a sword belonged to a giant. Gigant is simply what Beowulf calls it and not its true name.
Deals extra damage to enemies with 'dragon' attribute.
Hrunting, Sword of Failure
Rank : D (B)
Type : Anti-Unit
Range : 1-2 (~)
Maximum target : 1 person
A sword most famous of its past on failing Beowulf when he faced Grendel. It is a weak NP that Beowulf discarded in his life. Despite that, it still ties itself upon Beowulf's legend.
Its power is not its usage upon battle, but on sacrificing it. When the sword is broken upon facing the enemy and Beowulf 'discarded' it, it will increase all Beowulf's parameter by one rank momentarily. The power comes from the legend where Beowulf discarded Hrunting in favor of a better weapon.
Due to its history, momentary effect, and one time use, Beowulf dislikes using it.
Naegling, Sword of the End
Rank : C (A)
Type : Anti-Unit
Range : 1-2 (~)
Maximum target : 1 person
A royal sword given to Beowulf by his King, Hrothgar. Its most famous legend is when Beowulf used it against a dragon, Naegling broke upon contact with the dragon due to Beowulf's strength. It is an able sword, but it cannot cope with Beowulf's strength.
While it is a better sword then Hrunting in terms of weapon, its true strength is, much like Hrunting, came from the act of sacrificing it. When the sword is used by Beowulf and broken upon facing the enemy, it permanently increases his STR and END by one rank. However, it can only break when facing an enemy as strong as or stronger than Beowulf.
The idea is to make a Servants whose battle prowess lies upon his skills and parameter, not Noble Phantasm. The NPs' effects act more like as a support skills instead of decisive skills.
Also, screw the other Beowulf, me don't like them.
Jk aside, critics are more than welcomed, but please be gentle with me. I have a fragile kokoro.
*runs*
Last edited by castor212; July 18th, 2014 at 08:26 AM.
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1. Beowulf was a heroic spirit from an age when Magical Beasts still existed as well as being summoned as a Saber. I'd think that merits a little higher on the Magic Resistance skill.
2. For someone not relying on Noble Phantasms too much, some of his advantages seem to come only from breaking his Noble Phantsams. Also, by "breaking", do you mean broken physically as a weapon (which means Saber can regenerate it in due time) or being Broken Phantasms (which means he overcharges them, destroying them permanently but doling out massive amounts of damage in one attack.)
1. Hmm, then B? I'm not really comfortable with A.
2. What I have in mind is a solid and strong, parameter-wise, Servant without Noble Phantasm, whose Noble Phantasms arent about decisive turn-back, but further increasing his parameters. Bringing out his NPs wont result much in increasing his battle prowess, but destruction of them will. I get the idea from the storyline of Beowulf where most of his weapon fails him in time of crisis, and he actually overcame those crisis AFTER discarding those weapons. The only one that does not fail him was the Sword of Giant, which is pretty ironic since it was a nameless weapon. That's also why I made the Sword of Giant a 'tough NP' instead of 'sacrificial NP' like Hrunting or Naegling.
It's broken physically, but after the parameter rank-up effect applied, the NPs wont regenerate. Pretty much like Diarmuid's Gae Buidhe, I guess? But with aftereffect.
I want him to be a supreme parameter-boosted Servant after Naegling and Hrunting is discarded, suckerpunching the other Servants using Sword of the Giant.
Had an idea that Hrunting could be used more than one time (rank-up -> NP regen -> rank up again), but felt it's too broken.
Last edited by castor212; July 17th, 2014 at 02:06 AM.
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Mh, not bad. One thing though, Monstrous Strength is a Skill possessed by, well, monsters and such. Perhaps it would be better if you gave him an alternate version related to humans.
Humonstrous Strength.
<NEW FIC!> Revolution #9: Somewhere out there, there's a universe in which your mistakes and failures never happened, and all you wished for is true. How hard would you fight to make that real?
[11:20:46 AM] GlowStiks: lucina is supes attractive
[12:40] Lace: lucina is amazing
[12:40] Neir: lucina is pretty much flawless
Yessss.
I thought so too. But goddammit it just so, SO fit with my image of him.
Would his legend enough to compensate for the skill's existence?
That, or I should invent another skill that composed upon raising strength...
Last edited by castor212; July 17th, 2014 at 08:03 AM.
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Updated. Change skill Monstrous Strength to a pretty much made-up skill, Monster Slayer. It's still in line with his legend, though. He is, after all, a monster slayer through and through.
Either this, or I could upped the rank of Bravery to A+. But the Monster Slayer skill fits better with his legend.
EDIT: Well, there's Natural Body, but Kintoki is a demigod.
Last edited by castor212; July 17th, 2014 at 08:39 AM.
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Monster Slayer works well enough.
Yay.
Moving on to next Servant then:
Class Name: Assassin
True Name: Ken Arok
Sex: Male
Alignment: Neutral Evil
Height / Weight : 170cm/75kg
Background:
Ken Arok was the founder and first ruler of the Singasari Kingdom, an ancient Hindu-Buddhist kingdom in the East Java area of Indonesia. He was considered as the founder of Rajasa dynasty of both the Singasari and Majapahit line of monarchs. He came from humble origins but subsequently rose to be the most powerful ruler in Java. His life was colored with adventures, treacheries, and tragedies.
Baby Ken Arok was placed in the Brantas by his parents who hoped he would be found by a wealthier family and get a better life. However, Ken Arok was found by a thief called Lembong. His foster father later taught him all his criminal skills and young Ken Arok grew to be the most cunning thief in Kediri. Doing much mischief and crimes, he was known all the way to the capital. Many people were sent to catch him, but none were successful.
A cunning and treacherous man, but he is a man of strong will as well.
Parameter:
Strength: C
Endurance: C
Agility: A+
Luck: D
Mana: D
Noble Phantasm: B
Class Skills :
Presence Concealment : B
Hides one's presence completely and becomes very hard to be detected. However, efficacy will decrease once preparations to attack are taken.
Personal Skills:
Divinity : C
According to the legend, Ken Arok is son of the god Brahma having an affair with a woman called Ken Ndok.
Expert Of Many Specializations : C
Access to and use of many expert skills. A total of 16 different skills ranging from tactics, espionage, assassination, swindling, rhetoric and others can be used.
Ken Arok gained this ability through his experience life in the slum and thus gained many skills needed to survive there.
Mind's Eye (True) : B
A sixth sense of avoiding danger. In Ken Arok's case, he gained this ability through his life in the slum where he needs to be wary all the times.
Noble Phantasm:
Mpu Gandring, Cursed Kris of 7 Kills
Rank : B
Type : Anti-Unit
Range : 1-2
Maximum target : 1 person
A supernatural kris named after the smith who makes it, Mpu Gandring. Within it contains evil spirits which crafted together with the kris, making the kris a dangerous weapon of curse. This kris also contains the spirit of Mpu Gandring which killed by Ken Arok using this Kris. Anyone cut by this kris will be cursed and absolutely killed despite the wound size and regardless of the enemy's physical strength. This effect can be used up to 7 times. The ability came from the legend where Mpu Gandring, just before he died, cursed the kris to take the life of Ken Arok and 6 of his descendant.
There's a possibility that the curse would bounce back to Ken Arok as well each time he uses it. The odds raises for each kills. At the seventh kill, the kris turns into a double edged sword.
This guy is Assassin by forced circumstances and birth surroundings. He's more on the line of thief-slash-murderer assassin then sneaky, intelligence assassin. The idea is to make a Servant who could do sneak attack just fine, but could also do short battle when sneak attack proven unsuccessful. The whole of his fighting style based only on 2 things: either land a hit to an enemy, or retreat.
Last edited by castor212; July 18th, 2014 at 07:53 AM.
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Class: Caster
True Name: Orpheus
Parameters:
Strength: C
Agility: C
Endurance: B
Mana: A
Luck: D
Class Skills:
Territory Creation: E
- The creation of a "workshop". Orpheus was well traveled and was not one for setting up a territory, but his a major part of his legend was often used for burial rites. A skill granted yo him only due to his summoning as a Caster, it allows him to create a "tomb" of sorts that merely acts as an external source of prana.
Item Creation: B
- While Caster was more commonly known for his creation of songs, a lot of these songs went into various manuscripts. The legend of Caster being the "Father of Songs" and greatest of the poets have granted his compilations great amounts of magical power, comparable to B-rank Mystic Codes.
Personal Skills:
Charisma: B
- Caster was a musician, poet and a prophet from a time when all three held influence comparable to the kings. While he wasn't a king, he has the potential to influence an army the same way a king does, using play of words and music instead of direct command. This skill increases the ability of allies in group battles.
High-Speed Divine Words: B
- The power to activate Thaumaturgy without Magic Circuits. It is the lost language from the Age of the Gods, when words had a heavier impact on spellcasting. Caster was fluent in this language, using it to write his songs. While he merely dabbled in magecraft, he made a name for himself as an augur and a seer, dedicated to Apollo and Dionysius. At this rank, most magecraft below the rank of Hiigh Thaumaturgy can be cast at the speed of Single Action Spells.
Wandering Bard: EX
- A skill born from being renowned as a musician and poet, who spoke of great heroes and sang of their exploits. It can be said that heroes wouldn't have existed had there not been a bard spreading their legend. A skill that generally grants the user an untold amount of influence capable of changing the minds of others using charm and wit. This skill is centered not only on a bard's ability to captivate an audience but also on a bard's ability to roam the world without being harassed. It was said that to rob a bard or to turn a bard away was a sin comparable to insulting the gods themselves. Caster was renown as the Father of Songs and the greatest of all poets. While Hermes was said to have made the lyre, it was Orpheus who perfected it. At this rank, Caster's music and words can influence those with less than A-rank protection from mental attacks, but its greatest strength is Caster's ability to charm animals and inanimate objects to do his bidding. Anything under its influence gains the Spiritual property as if Caster was wielding them himself. While Caster was known to have charmed Hades himself into releasing his wife, his failure to fully accomplish the task in his lifetime prevents him from using it to resurrect the dead as a Servant.
Noble Phantasm:
Orphikos Bios - The True Way of Life
A-Rank Supplementary
- Caster's Noble Phantasm takes the form of a powerful geas, a way of life that was the center of Caster's poetry. It dictates a strict set of rules, from practicing vegetarianism to abstention from sex. As long as Caster keeps to the rules that he himself has set within his poetry, he gains access to powerful purification magecraft, a result of most of his poems being used in burial and purification rites. These spells range from E-A rank, their purification properties causing them to deal double damage to Spiritual beings like Servants and Wraiths. However, breaking any part of his geas completely deactivates the Noble Phantasm, greatly limiting Caster's ability to fight Servants.
Note: Threw it together in five minutes. Probably bad, but do tell me whhat you guys think.
1. his NP basically being MEoDP is kinda stupid, bordering on retarded. In fact, if it's cursed to kill Ken Arok, it should probably not kill others.
2. If he's the son of fucking Brahma, one of the four supreme gods of Hinduism, he should have B or even A Divinity.
For a Caster, Orpheus has rather high Endurance and Strength.
1. Uh... is it too broken? Well, the idea that the kris is an absolute kills is already there in the original legend. I just took the number '7' from the Mpu Gandring curse. The curse of the kris is absolute kills; the Mpu Gandring curse is that Ken Arok and the descendants will die by the kris as well. I just sort of combined them and spin the words.
I don't think it's that broken though; he need to actually wound the enemy. So he need to rely on sneak attack or fast attacks, since most 'knight' will be wearing armor anyway.
And it's not MEoDP; MEoDP is capable on 'killing' even the armor, right? I think this is a far weaker version of MEoDP with limited ammo.
2. It was rumored, according to legend, so I just placed the Divinity on the same rank with Iskander.
Last edited by castor212; July 17th, 2014 at 11:39 AM.
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Always figured Orpheus would have Battle continuation since even after being ripped apart, his head was still singing till it got buried(and he might`ve still sung,if not for the mouthful of dirt),although i dunno what affect being just a head would have on HSDW...
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