Although i know it Maybe fultile but i cant help to ask this:How do you find my Jimmu Padoru ?Originally Posted by King of Padoru
Although i know it Maybe fultile but i cant help to ask this:How do you find my Jimmu Padoru ?
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The Amazon Bride
Archer Antiope (Bride)
Class: ArcherAlternate Classes: Saber, Assassin, Rider, Berserker
True Name: Antiope (Bride)
Origin: Greek Mythology
Alignment: Neutral Bride
Armaments: Bow and arrow, Saber
Attribute: Earth
Traits: Divine, Female, Servant, Humanoid, Marriage Potential, Weak to Enuma Elish
Wish for the Grail: A wonderful and beautiful wedding with her beloved
Appearance: Similar to Antiope in her normal form she appears to be a short flat chested young girl (12-13) despite her actual age (22-23). Her hair goes down to the floor, white in color tipped in pink at the vary end, atop her head is a tiara like wedding veil which flows down her back (much like her hair does). She wears a white wedding dress parting just below the knees to make her walk easier (wedding or not she’s not sacrificing comfort) revealing simple white shoes and stockings. In one hand is her bouquet and pure white bow (with veil like ribbons at each end) and the at the ready to smite all who dare interfere. The back of her dress begins with white fur (which conceals a dagger) and trails down to a white train with floral design.
Bio
Parameters:
-Strength: B
-Endurance: C+
-Agility: B+
-Mana: C
-Luck: C+
-NP: B++
Skills
Noble Phantasms
Interactions with others
Other's interactions with her
Authors Notes: This was a fun one, if you want the original Antiope here you go. One of the changes I made to her story in that, was that she remained married to Theseus even when he was married Phaedra. That became a joke about both she and Theseus asking people to marry them which I relegated to a Bride and Groom version to each one because why not. It also makes some since seeing as one of the things Antiope is famous for is being the only amazon to marry.
Servant Alter-Ego:
Appearance:
Source
True Name: Hipponous/Bellerophon Lily
Alternate Classes: Lancer, Archer, Rider
Alignment: Chaotic Good
Armament: Spear disguised as a mop.
Strength- B
Agility- A
Endurance- C
Mana- B
Luck- N/A
NP- C
Personality
Class Skills:
Magic Resistance- B
Confers protection against magical effects. At this rank, spells with a chant below three verses are nullified. Even if targeted by the likes of High Thaumaturgy or Greater Rituals, it is difficult for the Servant to be affected.
Three Valiant Tasks- EX
A Skill based on the anecdotes of Alter-Ego performing three heroic deeds in service to King Iobetes to atone for accidentally killing his brother. These deeds were: slaying the monstrous Chimera that terrorized Lycia, subjugating the warlike neighboring tribe the Solymoi, and defeating the fearsome she-warriors known as the Amazons. His completion of these quests can be said to "define Bellerophon's existence as a hero".
Normally Bellerophon would possess some of these feats sublimated to the level of Noble Phantasms. However, as Alter-Ego reflects his younger self from before he actually performed his valiant deeds, he instead possesses a composite Skill embodying his "potential" for them. Just three times in the course of the Grail War Alter-Ego can "improvise" a Noble Phantasm based on the needs of the situation. It might be an armor-piercing attack against an enemy who has a seemingly invincible defense, a wide-range area-of-effect attack to mow down a whole army at once, or even a miracle of healing to save someone from the brink of death.
Each time Alter-Ego uses this Skill, his Amýmon Noble Phantasm is ranked down, signifying that he's overcoming the curse of his birth. After the third activation, both this Skill and his Noble Phantasm are sealed altogether and Alter-Ego will regain his original glory (saint graph) as the legendary hero Bellerophon.
Personal Skills:
Divinity- B
Qualifies one's affinity as a Divine Spirit. Son of the sea god Poseidon, Alter-Ego's rank is suitable for a demigod.
Rosy Cheeked Adonis- C+
One's disposition as a pretty-boy who charms people. A fascination magic-like effect that works on both men and women, but one can abate it so long there is a will to resist. Complete evasion by means of a Magic Resistance Skill is possible. The innocent looks of a boy yet to come into his own as a hero can't help but endear Alter-Ego to others. Due to the anecdote where Anteia the wife of King Proteus became madly infatuated with him, this Skill is especially effective in attracting mature women.
...Much to Alter-Ego's chagrin.
Mana Burst (Water)- A
Denotes a boost in performance by way of infusing one's body and weaponry with magical energy and instantly expelling it. Simply put, recreating the effects of a jet-burst by expending vast amounts of magical power. As Alter-Ego is the son of a water god, Mana expelled through this Skill takes form as jets of water fired from his body and spear. In combat these water blasts are strong enough to send foes flying and carve through stone like cardboard.
However, in his current role Alter-Ego mainly uses this Skill for ultra high-speed floor scrubbing.
Noble Phantasm
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So this is probably my favorite of the sheets I'd kept in waiting. I originally had in mind to do a more "normal" take on this guy, but I didn't just want to reuse Pegasus as an NP and couldn't think of a good take on the chimera-killing spear that hadn't been done already. Then I read up more about his legend I found out about Bellerophon's really unfortunate early life, and got the idea to make this take on him.
So say hello to dojiko meido Hipponous-chan, everyone! I wavered on actually making him a genderbend at one point, but I figured that wouldn't really work given it's an explicit plot-point in his legend that his mom only came to Poseidon for "help" because her husband was cursed to be unable to bear sons. If Bellerophon was a girl anyway the whole thing wouldn't make much sense. Plus the Marulk FC for an otoko Bellerophon was too tempting to resist.
As usual, comments and critiques would be welcome. Thanks for reading!
Last edited by RoydGolden; December 10th, 2019 at 08:42 PM.
FC Link
Alternate Classes: Caster, Berserker, Alter Ego
True Name: Lan Caihe
Alignment: Chaotic Good
Origin: Chinese Mythology
Armament: Basket
Parameters:
STR: C
END: A+
AGI: A
MANA: A+
LUCK: A++
NP: A+
Skills
Noble Phantasms
Description
Lore
Lan Caihe: That's a pretty fun sheet. I imagine her(?) as basically the ditzy idol singer of the Seven Immortals. Pretty amusing how the crane is basically her unwanted bodyguard that follows her around all the time when she'd rather just be left on her own. Out of curiosity, do you have any thoughts on my Hipponous sheet? I thought it had a fairly unusual idea...
Them, most likely. He or she only really apply momentarily, but I doubt that they'd care about which pronouns anyone uses. And it does indeed seem that they're the ditzy idol singer -type of the Eight Immortals, though the thought never crossed my mind. Its very fitting to Caihe, though (also fits the teenager bill).
Hipponous: That is an interesting sheet, and in a good way. Though I don't quite agree on him being an Alter Ego, I can't really imagine another class he'd qualify for, so in my book that gets a pass as 'close enough'. Cute doesn't really do much for me, so some of the allure of the sheet is likely lost.
Nnnot entirely sure on why he's a maid, though.
I felt the same way about making him an Alter-Ego. The criteria for that Class are kind of vague but in my mind it fit because he's an "alternate version" of the normal Bellerophon who couldn't be summoned on any of the standard Classes. And he's a maid because he was sent to serve King Proteus to atone for his crime. Sure, the story mainly described his epic monster-slaying feats, but I imagine he probably did "normal" service stuff like scrubbing floors and setting up tables too. From there it wasn't too much of a stretch to get "maid", especially since I already had that FC I wanted to use.
Also, as stated in his bond lines the maid costume was something Anteia made him wear (in my version of the story, obviously) because she had an obsessive crush on him.
Caihe is also one good profile like Always ,Shiki do i assume correct that you have now al eight immortals ?
And one Question Shiki please take a look at my Jimmu,Lancer and say me your oppinion i think he is one of my best works ? and i know what you said a while ago with my Nefrosobek Alter is overpowered ,but here do i find that my Jimmus power-Level is more then justified as he is the first Japanese (humane) Hero and a central key-figure.
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A cursory headcount would reveal I've made six of the Eight Immortals thus far. Li Tieguai and Lü Dongbin are still missing.
Jimmu: Umm... Even if the spelling is actually bearable this time*, the sheet's quality is still questionable.
This one still has a Skill that gives him all the Skills (which you shouldn't note the ranks of afterwards, given that none of the other users of similar Skills ever do). At least he doesn't have multiple ones of this sort of Skill, but your weird obsession with having every Servant being capable of doing everything imaginable still shines through. This is (debatably) a bad thing, in case you haven't noticed.
So he has super Divinity which grants him multiple powers that aren't really connected to each other? Very questionable in terms of design. Amaterasu's powers wouldn't be too weird, but demigods usually don't receive the powers of their uncles and distant relatives. You don't see many children of Zeus wielding the powers of Poseidon and Hades, for example (not that they inherit much from Zeus either, beyond physical prowess).
Protection of the Heavenly Dragonfly seems like an interesting Skill spun from an obscure anecdote, but is ruined by the fact that this sort of ability would be better suited for a Rider and the Skill is overpowered. Just blocking blood absorption and power draining would've been enough.
Why does he have six Noble Phantasms? Classes are meant to define and limit Heroic Spirits, not just stack on an endless slew of new abilities on top of what they'd have otherwise.
Jimmu also has about as much claim to the Amenonuhoko (spelled incorrectly in your sheet as Amenonuhoku) as any other Japanese Heroic Spirit with connections to the gods. Since the spear belonged to both Izanagi and Izanami, one could argue that actually using it would be something that only two such beings could do together. Most of the powers you have given Amenonuhoko also don't have much to do with the spear's sole legend - that is, shaping Onogoro Island.
Having the Imperial Regalia under a single Noble Phantasm is actually sort of cool, evoking Ushiwakamaru's Shana-oh's Wandering Tales. However, having the regalia does not equate to being able to fully use each of them. For example, Rama (also renowned for using a hell of a lot different weapons, as most Hindu heroes do) requires both a Skill and a Noble Phantasm to be able to use the weapons he has outside of a sword (as Saber, anyway). The weapons he summons, though Noble Phantasms, also don't seem to have additional powers outside of being Anti-Unit Noble Phantasms.
So to reiterate: This Jimmu is a bloated, overblown monstrosity that possesses things that he shouldn't by any rights have, much less be able to use. I suppose Imperial Privilege would be able to grant him the ability to use the Regalia, but whether he should have IP in the first place is debatable - that usage would also seal it completely, much as it does for Cleopatra, who uses it to gain combat ability. Though Jimmu should be powerful, he is essentially Japan's King Arthur, not Japan's Übergod Super Saiyan King Arthur.
So no, just writing a sheet in readable language does not make it good. Try making a weak Servant with a single Noble Phantasm, see how that goes.
* I guess because someone proofread this for you. Of course, I could be mistaken and this level of grasp of the English language continues making appearances in your sheets, in which case I shall be pleasantly surprised.
I actually thought that Jimmu sheet was for Ninigi tbh, since that man out of all emperors would suit the most to carry Amaterasu's power from Tenson Korin.
Agreed, Ninigi more than qualifies for that.
I feel the need to defend that Jimmu sheet a little bit since I helped review it over PM. I agree that Koga tends to overuse "Skills that grant other Skills" but I think this one is actually fitting for Jimmu given it's basically rebranded Imperial Privilege, which he- being the first Tenno- would definitely qualify for.
Also, giving Jimmu Amenonuhoko as an NP was actually my idea from a while back. I figured it made a kind of thematic sense for the founder ofto have an NP based on the founding ofJapanthe nation. Maybe a bit of a stretch but it was more interesting than just giving him some variant of the Imperial Regalia as NPs like I've seen for every other Jimmu sheet posted here.Japanthe island
But... Amenonuhoko was only used to create the island of Onogoroshima, which isn't counted among Japan's islands in the myths. On that island Izanagi and Izanami repeatedly did some ritual which brought forth the actual islands (under the guidance of the gods of Takamagahara).
Hmm, I read that Onogoroshima (also known as Nushima island in modern times) was the first island of Japan that Izanagi and Izanami created. There's even a plaque there commemorating it. I'll take the rap if my research was shoddy since I was the one who suggested the idea in the first place, but there does seem to be some mythical basis for treating Amenonuhoko as "the spear that created Japan".
Last edited by RoydGolden; October 4th, 2019 at 03:46 PM. Reason: Fixed typo
That bit comes from an Edo period scholar's commentary on the Kojiki. In the Kojiki itself, if Onogoroshima is counted as one of the islands, it is island number zero, rather than the first. Awajishima is counted as the actual first island of Japan in the Kojiki.
Right, but even if it's only commentary that's still part of the legend surrounding the spear. So I still think it's fair enough to emphasize that aspect even if it's not the "main" telling of the legend.
Not like Nasu never sycretizes or combines aspects from multiple legends when coming up with Heroic Spirits and their NPs and whatnot, after all.
At first thanks for the Evaluation,Shiki !
Niningi were no Emporer he is in relation to Jimmu self a footnote in comparison, and i went with the Ancestor given Powers respective that Jimmu were to a certain Degree lectured by them.
About that have i allowed myself the assumption that every Mythology-/Culturespehre functions after ist own rulings they still will have certain interesections/shared Basics but the more they are apart from each other geographical viewed the more they can differ.
That still doesnt Change the fact that Amenonuhoko has created the first Japan Island or other said that the spear created the root of japanese Earth that were presumably used as base for the other Irlands in my oppinion.
Last edited by Kabalisto Koga; October 4th, 2019 at 04:15 PM.
Your verified Chikara-production Studios !
Dont ship me with anyone unless i say so !
When you wake a Dragon in his Lair...
At the very least, I do appreciate you cleaning up Koga's sheet and making it legible enough for others to read.
Though Ninigi wasn't an Emperor, he actually used the Imperial Regalia (what he used them for is unmentioned, but is irrelevant), and thus he has the strongest claim to them. Doesn't matter if he's a footnote or not, that stuff is his more than Jimmu's. And yes, I know you can't resist stuffing your sheets full of every power and ability imaginable - this is not news.
Whatever the Amenonuhoko did or didn't do, it still doesn't grant Jimmu any more claim to it (nor to Ninigi, nor to Amaterasu - by much the same merits Arjuna should be able to wield Vasavi Shakti as the son of Indra, but nope!). One of the points I made earlier was also that the spear made one island. The islands that make up Japan were made with the ritual.
I still feel that there is a thematic logic in the spear that "laid the ground" for Japan (the island) being wielded by the first emperor who established Japan (the country). Keep in mind that there's been similarly weird examples of Servants having NPs they never wielded in life, like Ashwatthama having the chakram that he specifically was unable to use in his legend.
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