Create-A-Servant 2

[Valfodr]

So, first post after discovering the existence of this place, and it's a Servant concept. Anyways, I was looking at ideas for Chrysaor, and while Royd's version is pretty neat, I kinda feel like most of them don't really go that far into Chrysaor's backstory, especially regarding why information about him is so sparse. Then, I got an idea. Maybe, Chysaor was almost completely forgotten due to the actions of a certain goddess? But, if so, why would that be the case? From there on, I began working on the concept, but since this is my first one, I'll take it a bit easier on myself and stick with the Rider form I envisioned, before moving on to Saber. Bear in mind that the backstory I have in mind and his abilities do smell a fair bit of headcanon, but I really don't have much of a choice here, now do I?

Chrysaor


Class: Rider

Alternative Class: Saber

Alignment: Neutral Good

Appearance: I don't really know how I'd get an image for this, since the appearance I've envisioned for Chrysaor is basically just a genderbent Rider Medusa with amber-colored eyes. I would draw it, except for the fact that my drawing skills make the fridge art of a 4 year old look like the Mona Lisa by comparison. As for why I envision Chrysaor looking like that, it's based on the sole official image we have of Chrysaor, so I guess I'll post the link to that since I really have nothing else. https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/...20180224142455

Strength-C
Endurance-D
Agility-C
Mana-B
Luck-D
NP-A+

Personality: Outgoing, cheerful, and fairly lively, despite the nature of his creation. Chrysaor's Rider form embodies the earlier portion of his life, while he was still on the Shapeless Isle. However, he does tend to get a bit moody if you bring up a certain Olympian, so be careful. Also, don't touch his sword, not necessarily due to his own reaction(he honestly couldn't care less) but because of what the sword might do to you.

His attitude towards heroes is interesting to say the least. You'd think he would be merciless towards heroes who murder his family, like Perseus and Heracles, but he isn't. In the case of the former, he forgave him after learning about the monster his mother became. As for the latter, that is more relevant to his Saber form, but for now we'll say that the blood debt Heracles accrued from the murder of Geryon came back to bite him later.

Likes: company, his dad, his sword/pet
Dislikes: conniving Goddesses, Harpe, his mother's reputation
Talent: swordsmanship
Natural Enemy: Athena

Class Skills

Riding: A+: Though often forgotten due to the efforts of Athena to erase Chrysaor's legend from human memory, Chrysaor actually befriended and rode a great winged boar, a forgotten child of Echidna, that shared his name due to it's golden, blade-like tusks. Due to this, his riding skill is A+(also helps to have Poseidon as a parent).

Magic resistance: B: Though fairly resistant to magic, he was still ultimately felled due to it, resulting it only being a B.

Personal Skills

Divinity: D; Though a child of Poseidon and conceived before Medusa's fall, his gestation in the blood of the Gorgon(as well as being bathed in the stuff upon his "birth") degraded Rider's Divinity to a D rank.

Animal Communication: E; His time spent with the great boar Khrysaoros caused him to be able to understand the beast, if only intent.

Son of Medusa: B; Denotes Rider's genealogy as a child of the goddess Medusa from before her transformation into Gorgon. Grants him immunity to poisons and the Mystic Eyes of Petrification, but leaves him vulnerable to weapons that specialize in killing monsters, notably Harpe.

Enmity of the Goddess: A; Due to his actions later in life earning Rider the hatred of the goddess Athena, as well as his status as the son of Medusa, most of Rider's legend has been forgotten. This skill hides his status, NPs, and skills from all but his master. However, his true name and appearance are not protected.

Mystic Eyes: A+; Rider has inherited the Mystic Eyes "Cybele" from his mother, granting him access to the same petrifying gaze. His is weaker due to his (relatively) youthful age, and as a result can be defended against by servants with a Mana skill one rank lower than his mother's version permitted.

Noble Phantasms

Khrysaoros-He who has a golden sword(B, Anti-Fortress): Normally takes the form of a gilded Xiphos sword, but upon the calling of it's true name it reveals it's actual shape as the great gold-tusked boar that Chrysaor rode about on(and is often confused with). A steed-type NP similar to Medusa's Pegasus, except instead of being a winged horse, Khrysaoros is a winged boar the size of a rhino. It's charge has roughly the same destructive power has Bellerophon, but due to it's lower speed it is more specialized in destroying fortifications, thus is classified as an Anti-Fortress NP as opposed to an Anti-Army NP(still wouldn't want to get hit by it though). The sword also bears a passive ability to suppress Rider's Mystic Eyes skill while sheathed, an ability added to it to prevent Rider from accidentally petrifying others.

Pandemonium Gorgon-Eyes of the monstrous goddess(A, Anti-Unit): An offensive technique developed by Rider while training under his father. By channeling mana into his eyes and then releasing it, he can unleash an attack somewhat reminiscent of Avenger Gorgon's eye beams. Manifesting as a pulse of rippling amber energy emitted from his eyes, it's not particularily difficult to avoid, but it is quite dangerous if you get hit, as any body part that makes contact with the energy is instantly petrified. It tends to fail against foes with an inorganic body(such as Charles Babbage), but it is massively dangerous to most others.

Lore: ​Born from the corpse of the Gorgon after she was slain by Perseus, Rider emerged from the "shell" of his "egg"(the eye-like core of Demon Beast Gorgon) into the rotting corpse of his mother. Despite being born with the body of a young man, his mental state was more akin to that of a young child, barely knowing enough to keep himself from dying. As he emerged from the foul offal, he was greeted by the sight of his father, Poseidon, who had been waiting for him. It cannot be fully understood what motivated Poseidon to be there for the birth of his son, nor his motivation for taking care him after that. Perhaps it was due to guilt, or perhaps it was due to the youth's uncanny resemblance to his Mother, Medusa. In any case, Poseidon taught the youth, providing him with a gilded Xiphos that earned him the name Chrysaor, He who has a golden sword. The sword itself bore an enchantment that suppressed Chrysaor's Mystic Eyes while sheathed, allowing him to meet his stepmother Amphitrite and his half-brother Triton.

Now, you'd think Amphitrite would take issue with Chrysaor, seeing as he was yet another child of Poseidon that was not conceived with her, akin to the infamous wrath of the queen of Olympus. However, Poseidon's relationship with Medusa had occurred long before his marriage to Amphitrite, so while it was awkward to say the least, she at least tolerated his existence. As for Triton, Chrysaor provided him with a rival and training partner who actually gave his all, seeing as his other competitors would deliberately hold back due to his status as the son of Poseidon. This bizarre upbringing allowed Chrysaor to learn the skills necessary to survive in the outside world, and he put them to good use after a certain visitor ended up on the Shapeless Isle. The enormous winged boar Khrysaoros, a child of Enchidna who had been targeted by the goddess Artemis, only to escape her pursuit by flying oversea to the home of Medusa, now bereft of the barrier that had trapped the Gorgon on the island. Chrysaor tended to the beast's wounds, learning to understand the creature in the process. Upon learning why the beast had fled to his home, Chrysaor prayed to his father to drive back the Huntress, a prayer Poseidon was all too willing to answer.

After Khrysaoros had made a full recovery, Chrysaor departed from the Shapeless Isle upon the beast's back, seeking to learn more about the world and find his destiny, as many a starry-eyed young man does. During his travels, he visited the island of Lesbos, and learned of the terrible beast his mother had become due to Athena's curse from the Oracle there. While angry at the goddess for her actions, he was dissuaded from acting against Athena by the Oracle, who instead directed him to seek out the island of Erytheia, declaring that his fate would be found there. Seeing little choice, Chrysaor headed towards the island, stopping at the residence of the Greae sisters to ask for directions. Upon arriving in the island, the first thing that caught his attention was the cry of a damsel in distress. The Naiad Callirrhoe, who had fled to Erytheia to elude the advances of Neilus, one of the Potamoi of the Nile river, had been caught up to by the renegade river god, who surely had unpleasant things in mind for her, had Chrysaor not rudely interrupted things.

After driving away Neilus by threatening him with his Mystic Eyes, Chrysaor went to aid Callirrhoe. Perhaps Eros was in the area at the time, as both Chrysaor and Callirrhoe pretty much fell for one another right then and there, with Chrysaor finding the Naiad's ephemeral beauty enthralling, while Callirrhoe found Chrysaor's bizarrely feminine appearance, amber-colored eyes, and noble bearing appealing. Word of Neilus' defeat reached the ears of the sea titan Oceanus, Callirrhoe's father, who sought out the the man who had protected his daughter. Upon being introduced to Chrysaor, Oceanus knew immediately who the young man's parents were, and gave Chrysaor his blessing to marry Callirrhoe. The newlyweds traveled to Iberia, where Chrysaor helped found and rule the city of Tartessos, and they soon had a child in the form of Geryon, who traveled to Erytheia to tend to the cattle that resided on the island. While not present for the birth of his granddaughter Eriteide, he did meet her later in life. As happy as they were, fate had other plans in mind for the two.....(to be continued in the sheet for Chrysaor's Saber form)

[Bugs]

Welcome to the thread, and BL as a whole.

For a first sheet, it's a quite good, simple sheet. My only question is that you mention Chrysaor's diminished fame as being caused by an outside force, but there's no mention of it seemingly anywhere else in the sheet. Something like Information Erasure might be what you're looking for.

Also, Chrysaor-as-sword is explored in Spencer's Faerie Queene, in which Zeus uses it during the Titanomachy, in case you wanted his NP to actually be a sword.

[Valfodr]

Welcome to the thread, and BL as a whole.

For a first sheet, it's a quite good, simple sheet. My only question is that you mention Chrysaor's diminished fame as being caused by an outside force, but there's no mention of it seemingly anywhere else in the sheet. Something like Information Erasure might be what you're looking for.

Also, Chrysaor-as-sword is explored in Spencer's Faerie Queene, in which Zeus uses it during the Titanomachy, in case you wanted his NP to actually be a sword.

Thanks, I've been a long time fan of the Fate series as a whole, so finding this place was a dream come true. For his diminished fame, I'll probably add that as Enmity of the Goddess, since it's due to Athena going out of her way to erase him from memory(which, in this instance, actually helps him since it basically makes him pretty much unidentifiable). As for the sword thing, it's just the inactive form of the Boar, plus he is a Rider, so I merged them into being one and the same. His Saber form will likely just summon the boar as an attack as opposed to a steed.

[kiwi]

True Name: Karkinos
Class: Assassin
Origin: Greek Myth
Alignment: Crab Neutral
Armaments: Claws, Knives, Aggressive Disposition

Parameters
STR: A
END: C
AGI: C
MGI: D
LCK: D

Crab Lore

The stalwart ally of the Lernean Hydra, forever immortalized among the stars for his deeds. When that despicable Herakles set out to kill the Hydra, Karkinos was quick to jump to his friend's aid, trying his best to defeat the brute. Unfortunately, though he fought valiantly, Karkinos was a simple crab, in the face of, well, Herakles. That is to say, it was a rather one sided battle. Despite managing to wound the savage, the musclebound manbeast delivered a swift, almost thoughtless death to Karkinos for his trouble, before going on to slay the Hydra. Moved by the selflessness of this simple, pitiful crustacean, the goddess Hera elected to 'reward' him the best way she could for his sacrifice, by placing him among the stars with other mighty heroes and legends.

Karkinos was dispatched quickly and without much issue, indicating low Endurance and Agility Parameters-- surely, otherwise, he would have survived or avoided the single blow that killed him, no? However, he managed to, through sheer physicality, wound the mighty Herakles, meaning that his Strength parameter is something truly astounding... for a simple crab, of all things, to wound a demigod of such immense power, it's something worth taking note of, don't you think?

Crab Character

Loyal to a fault and passionate on the verge of hot-bloodedness, Karkinos' personality does not at all convey his class of 'Assassin'. Indeed, he'd likely be more suited to the Lancer or Saber class... were her to have used any lances or sabers in his life. He will follow his Master's will without question, even when question would certainly be warranted, and will even make a point to put himself in excessive harm's way in order to protect his Master or those he/his Master consider allies. The fact that due to his fairly average durability and his Class jumping headfirst into danger is a terrible idea never seems to dawn on him.

Also, he's loud, brash, and often threatens to pinch people.

He's rather slow witted and easily impressed as, after all, he is just a crab, but in an endearing sort of way that causes people to become oddly attached to him. Perhaps this mirrors how, despite his admittedly miniscule impact on history, he has been immortalized in one of the twelve constellations that make up the Zodiac, the most famous stars in all the sky? Or, maybe it's just because crabs are inherently charming. He doesn't seem to notice or care either way, and that's just fine. The only 'negative' of his personality, aside from his relative stupidity, would have to be the fact that he's an incredibly foul-mouthed individual... must be a crab thing.

Crab Skills

Class Skills
Presence Concealment: D
Unfortunately, Karkinos is a horrid Assassin, and thus has a horrid rank in Presence Concealment-- indeed, even if he does have the elements of surprise or stealth, he's likely to ruin it by loudly cursing out his target, and threatening to 'pinch ya real good!' However, the fact that he seems so... nonthreatening seems to balance out this lack of stealth. Indeed, even when he is spotted, foes tend to treat him like he's not there if only because they don't actually perceive him as a threat, allowing him to get in close for the kill despite his inability to be sneaky.

Personal Skills
Natural Monster: B
He is, after all, a crab.

Manslayer: B+
His 'claws' are sharp enough to wound even the mighty Herakles, and his skill with knives and other small blades is unparalleled. No human, or nearly-human, flesh can hope to withstand being slashed apart by his attacks.

Animalistic Logic: A
As an animal himself (a crab, specifically), his simple-minded way of thinking (usually boiling down to "I'm gonna pinch ya!") allows him to excel in the art of killing something by any means necessary.

Animal Communication: B
Karkinos is an animal, and thus it stands to reason that he can communicate with his ilk. As the most famous of all crabs, and even all crustaceans one could argue, Karkinos has a conceptual 'rule' over them, allowing him to command any crustaceans he chooses to do anything he desires. He can also control scorpions, for some reason.

Noble Crabtasm

ἕλος πούς τομός

I'M GONNA PINCH YA

Rank: C
Type: Anti-Unit
Karkinos' "strongest" ability, his Noble Phantasm allows him to momentarily raise his Presence Concealment to Rank EX... in the presence of water, mud, or other 'swampy' substances. However, despite its situationality, it's still quite powerful, as it allows for exactly one 'decisive strike' at an opponent's 'weak point', after which his Presence Concealment returns to normal. Unfortunately, this doesn't necessarily kill his target, as a 'weak spot' is not necessarily a 'sure-death point'. It may be a weak knee that makes his target walk with a limp, or a point that makes their armor fall apart, or a point that makes them soil themselves, but it's likely not going to kill them. Poor crab.

[Shiki-pon]

FC Link
Alternate Classes: Foreigner
True Name: The Demon Core
Alignment: Chaotic Evil
Origin: America (20th century)
Armament: N/A

Parameters:
STR: E+
END: C-
AGI: E
MANA: D+
LUCK: E
NP: C+

Skills

Class Skills

Mad Enhancement - Rank C: The Class Skill that characterizes a Berserker, raising basic parameters and strengthens one's physical abilities in exchange for hindering mental capacities and/or in exchange for their sense of reason.
Rank up for all parameters except Luck and Mana, but in exchange, one can no longer think and speak properly. Berserker mostly acts on the basis of an instinctual malice towards humans.

Existence Outside the Domain - Rank EX: Out of this Universe. A visitor from the emptiness. One enchanted by an Evil God as its host and harbinger of its Authority. It is also more difficult for the user to be affected by magecraft, particularly mental effects.
Berserker is linked to the Daemon Sultan, he who is said to dwell at the core of existence. Though the connection is flimsy, the slightest touch of such a mind would be able to reduce one to gibbering insanity. Berserker, however, having originally been a mindless object, acquires the ‘insanity’ of the human condition, almost seeming sane.

Personal Skills

Distortion - Rank EX: A Skill that forces the distortion of the class the Servant was originally called forth in. He or she would receive the other class' specialty as proof. Conversely, at least one among the set of the original Class Skills has declined.
Berserker has gained aptitude in the Foreigner Class and received the Existence Outside the Domain Class Skill. As recompense, “his” Mad Enhancement has dropped to C rank.

Nuclear Chaos - Rank EX: A unique Skill modified from the Skill Nuclear Decay by the influence of the user’s patron. The user alters the world around them, inflicting damage to the very fabric of the World with their mere presence. Unfortunately, the spreading nature of this effect makes one a target for the Counter Force before long.
While “he” remains in physical form, Berserker inflicts constant damage that bypasses most defenses on everything around him. The damage takes the form of sickness and structural weakening, with the effect’s severity depending on distance from Berserker’s body and the length of exposure.

Noble Phantasms

Tickling the Dragon’s Tail

The Demon Core

Anti-Unit~Anti-City, Rank EX

A Noble Phantasm functioning as an application of Berserker’s Nuclear Chaos Skill. Born from his connection to nuclear radiation, The Demon Core Incident brings Berserker’s mass into criticality. However, due to his connection to the Daemon Sultan, the criticality also strengthens this connection, amplifying the effects of an Outer God’s presence.
When activated, waves of heat and poisonous red light begin to emanate from Berserker’s body, inflicting heavy damage to his surroundings. The fabric of the World around him also begins to weaken, drawing those nearby towards Berserker as though into a yawning void. The light emanating from his body also poisons Berserker’s enemies, causing damage as well as visual and mental impairment.
However, whenever The Demon Core is activated, there is a small chance of Berserker’s mass reaching a state of supercriticality. In this case, the reaction is self-sustaining and can no longer be shut down. In a short span of time, Berserker will detonate, destroying everything within a large radius. The massive release of energy and the breaking connection between Berserker and his patron also result in a relatively stable portal being formed, leading to the Daemon Sultan’s realm.

Description

Likes: Musical performance
Dislikes: Service, containment
Talents: Carrying malice towards humans
Natural Enemy: N/A

Berserker’s true identity is “Rufus” or the third core, though “he” is more commonly known as the Demon Core.

Originally, the Demon Core was a lump of radioactive metal. Its fell reputation and the accidents that it caused gave it enough of a presence to qualify for having a “soul” of sorts, though the end result did not possess a true sentience. Before “his” dismantling and death, the concept of a malicious, nuclear core formed a spontaneous connection to the Daemon Sultan, the Outer God who holds court at the center of the nuclear void. Naturally, a connection with such a creature would drive anything insane, and the Demon Core is no different. “His” insanity manifests as, more or less, possessing a human condition.
Though given a form closely resembling a partially mechanical human, “he” cannot actually speak, and thus cannot truly communicate with others. The Demon Core’s status as a tool of war and of science have granted it some understanding of combat and a measure of intellect. However, the truest sign of “his” self is the joy that “he” takes in the deaths of humans. As something originally built to kill thousands, it appears the Demon Core tries to fully live up to the expectations of “his” creators.
It is possible that, outside of the malice inherent to “him”, the Demon Core detests humans for their longevity. Even in the best of circumstances, the Demon Core’s fate is to shrivel and die, simply by existing, as its form as a source of nuclear radiation is not stable. Naturally, “he” would prefer to take as many humans as possible with him before that happens.
The Demon Core chafes at the thought of serving a Master, likening them to the containment devices meant to corral and restrict his power. However, this line of thinking has rendered “him” more or less incapable of harming “his” Master except by accident, as the Demon Core’s beliefs result in his deadly presence circumventing “his” Master. This is not to say that the Demon Core does not wish “his” Master dead, but simply that it believes it cannot touch or hurt them even if “he” tried. Should “he” be disabused of this belief, the Master’s death would likely follow.
The Demon Core’s wish to the Holy Grail is born from the thought of fulfilling the duty “he” was built for, that is causing the deaths of thousands.

Lore

At the start of its metal life, it was just the Third core, as it was the third in the family. The other members of its family included the cores known as the Gadget Core, which exploded at the Trinity test site in the first ever nuclear explosion; its other brother cores were the Fat Man and Little Boy, which were used in devastating strikes on Nagasaki and Hiroshima, respectively.
The Demon Core was to be the third strike, but Japan’s surrender prevented its use. Its future seemed quite boring compared to its older brothers, but the Third core had its own plans. The first accident happened on August 21, 1945.
That day in August, physicist Harry Daghlian was doing a criticality experiment. He was alone, with a security guy sitting at a nearby desk. He started adding bricks and measuring the resulting radiation. Understanding the thin border of criticality is crucial. The faster the criticality happens, the better yield a nuclear weapon has. He was quite close to the border when a funny thing happened. The tungsten carbide brick slipped from his sweaty hand and fell on the core. The room started glowing electric blue. While Harry was panickingly disassembling the pile of bricks, the security guy was asking himself, what the hell is happening? It lasted only a few seconds before the hot core was stripped naked, and the reaction stopped. All was silent. The two men reported to the hospital soon after. Harry Daghlian died 25 days later from acute radiation syndrome. Private Robert Hemmerly died 33 years later from leukemia.
This accident caused quite a stir in Los Alamos. Protocols were put in place to prevent future accidents. During lunch in the canteen, scientists would imagine mental experiments in which the core would go critical again.
One of the physicists at those lunches was Louis Slotin. He was a young and cocky Canadian, often seen in his trademark blue jeans and cowboy boots. Not only he was unafraid, but fiddling with core also gave him a kick. In the new experiment, they ditched the bricks and replaced them with a neutron-reflecting beryllium half-sphere. If the core is completely covered, it goes critical. Therefore, mechanical spacers are put into place to ensure that the half-sphere only covers a certain percentage of it. Louis didn’t like spacers. He would perform criticality measurements holding a half-sphere top thumb hole with his left hand and holding it in position with a screwdriver in his right hand. Slotin called it “tickling the dragon’s tail” and performed it over a dozen times in front of spectating scientists. Enrico Fermi reportedly told Slotin and others that they would be “dead within a year” if they continued performing it.
On May 21, 1946, Louis was preparing to twist the dragon’s tail in a room with eight other people. Everything was going nicely. He slowly covered the core with a beryllium half-sphere until it was almost enclosed. The scintillation counter was happily ticking, and Louis was controlling the neutron-escaping gap with his screwdriver. Suddenly the tip of the screwdriver slipped, and everybody heard the metal cling of the half-sphere closing. The room filled with the blue light. Louis hastily kicked the half-sphere. The blue light was replaced with a deadly silence. They quickly left the room. After 10 minutes, they all decided to go back. With a piece of chalk, they marked where everybody stood at the moment of criticality. They were scientists, after all; this unplanned experiment would offer a rare opportunity to measure the effects of radiation poisoning on eight human subjects of varying age and varying distance from the radiation source. After diagramming, they reported to the sick bay. The first result followed soon, as Louis Slotin died nine days later. Others survived, but suffered from various radiation-related illnesses.
Nothing happened to the core, except for the name change. Older cores that killed more than 130,000 people far across the Pacific still had cute names like the Little Boy and the Fat Man. But with two dead colleagues, everybody at Los Alamos started calling this one the Demon Core. Hands-on criticality experiments were halted and replaced with remote-control machines supervised from a quarter-mile distance.
Ultimately, it was decided to destroy the Demon core in a nuclear blast–for both the scientific value and publicity purposes. Marshall islands were chosen as the location of the first nuclear test where press and selected audience members were allowed. In the first of three planned explosions, the Demon core was to be dropped from a plane over a fleet of 95 decommissioned target ships. For reasons still unknown, the bomb missed the target by 650 meters. When the plutonium imploded and went critical, it was too far away to do any real damage. The test was a flop, and the press was disappointed. The New York Times reported that of all of the ships, “only two were sunk, one capsized, and eighteen damaged.”

Notes

More boring sheets. Unfortunately I couldn’t find a fitting image with a blue glow, so maybe Azathoth’s influence changed it to red for his Noble Phantasm or something.

[Cleverly_Clearly]

Karkinos Vantas

[kiwi]

say that to my face you monster

[Bugs]

Thanks, I've been a long time fan of the Fate series as a whole, so finding this place was a dream come true. For his diminished fame, I'll probably add that as Enmity of the Goddess, since it's due to Athena going out of her way to erase him from memory(which, in this instance, actually helps him since it basically makes him pretty much unidentifiable). As for the sword thing, it's just the inactive form of the Boar, plus he is a Rider, so I merged them into being one and the same. His Saber form will likely just summon the boar as an attack as opposed to a steed.

Oops, looks like I misread the Alt Class as the Class itself. Disregard me.

Karkinos: Good crab. Crab good. Not just saying that because I made Hera for the last contest, either. Reminds me of Heikegani, or maybe that's just the FC.

Demon Core: I don't think this is as boring as you think it is, although I wonder if going the full Foreigner route might spice it enough for you.

[Dragolord09]

Well guys, how are my newest sheets?

[Valfodr]

Oops, looks like I misread the Alt Class as the Class itself. Disregard me.

Karkinos: Good crab. Crab good. Not just saying that because I made Hera for the last contest, either. Reminds me of Heikegani, or maybe that's just the FC.

Demon Core: I don't think this is as boring as you think it is, although I wonder if going the full Foreigner route might spice it enough for you.

No worries. Like I said, I saw Royd's Chrysaor while looking at the last version of this thread, and I decided to approach it from the angle of his legend being forgotten by the vast majority of Mankind due to Athena/Minerva going out of her way to erase him from memory. That, plus the fact that his sole official image presents him as a genderbent Medusa was too good to pass up.

[RoydGolden]

Karkinos: Pretty amusing sheet overall. I'm impressed with how much you managed to come up with for him given such a miniscule legend. But I'm a little surprised you didn't go for the alternate version of Karkinos' legend where he was intrusted to guard over a bunch of nymphs but got tricked by an evil squid who devoured all of them. To avenge them Karkinos attacked the squid and killed it after a vicious battle, but was grievously wounded in the process. Since he couldn't die thanks to his immortality, Hera decided to relieve his suffering by transforming him into a constellation.

That legend seems like it'd have more to work with in terms of Heroic Spirit potential than just pinching Herc's foot and getting immediately squashed.

[Valfodr]

Karkinos: Pretty amusing sheet overall. I'm impressed with how much you managed to come up with for him given such a miniscule legend. But I'm a little surprised you didn't go for the alternate version of Karkinos' legend where he was intrusted to guard over a bunch of nymphs but got tricked by an evil squid who devoured all of them. To avenge them Karkinos attacked the squid and killed it after a vicious battle, but was grievously wounded in the process. Since he couldn't die thanks to his immortality, Hera decided to relieve his suffering by transforming him into a constellation.

That legend seems like it'd have more to work with in terms of Heroic Spirit potential than just pinching Herc's foot and getting immediately squashed.

I mostly agree with your assessment, I just find it amusing how he went with the version of Hera's pity as opposed to the other version, the one where Heracles punted Karkinos into orbit, literally. Also, I'm curious to know your thoughts on Chrysaor, seeing as your the only other person I know to take a stab at Medusa's kid.

[RoydGolden]

Also, I'm curious to know your thoughts on Chrysaor, seeing as your the only other person I know to take a stab at Medusa's kid.

It's pretty good. His mount being also a sword is kind of weird and made me have to double-check his Class too, but there's nothing really wrong with it.

Not sure how I feel about him having Cybele as an NP either since there's a lot of precedent (not just Medusa herself) for Mystic Eyes being Skills rather than NPs, especially since you didn't give any real justification for it. If you want to keep it you could make it some kind of super-technique using the Mystic Eyes (like Fujino's Vijñaptimātratā), or change it to a shield bearing the visage of Medusa to make it more "NP-like".

Also the lack of a lore section hurts the sheet somewhat, since you mention plot-points that aren't part of Chrysaor's "standard" legend (like being felled by magic, getting Athena angry at him and encountering Heracles in some fashion) but aren't explained in the sheet itself either. Makes the whole thing feel a little incomplete.

Lastly, I don't feel Poseidon being there in seagull form really adds much to the sheet, compared to the canon examples of Orion/Artemis and Paris/Apollo where the god/mortal combo is a big part of the Servant's concept. Seems more like something you tacked on because it was cool, which is understandable and I'm not saying to scrap it or anything, but that's how I feel.

Sorry if this seems negative. Overall I enjoyed reading the sheet and it's pretty good, especially for your first(?) work. But since you asked for my thoughts...

[Valfodr]

It's pretty good. His mount being also a sword is kind of weird and made me have to double-check his Class too, but there's nothing really wrong with it.

Not sure how I feel about him having Cybele as an NP either since there's a lot of precedent (not just Medusa herself) for Mystic Eyes being Skills rather than NPs, especially since you didn't give any real justification for it. If you want to keep it you could make it some kind of super-technique using the Mystic Eyes (like Fujino's Vijñaptimātratā), or change it to a shield bearing the visage of Medusa to make it more "NP-like".

Also the lack of a lore section hurts the sheet somewhat, since you mention plot-points that aren't part of Chrysaor's "standard" legend (like being felled by magic, getting Athena angry at him and encountering Heracles in some fashion) but aren't explained in the sheet itself either. Makes the whole thing feel a little incomplete.

Lastly, I don't feel Poseidon being there in seagull form really adds much to the sheet, compared to the canon examples of Orion/Artemis and Paris/Apollo where the god/mortal combo is a big part of the Servant's concept. Seems more like something you tacked on because it was cool, which is understandable and I'm not saying to scrap it or anything, but that's how I feel.

Sorry if this seems negative. Overall I enjoyed reading the sheet and it's pretty good, especially for your first(?) work. But since you asked for my thoughts...

No problem. Like I said, there really isn't much of a legend to go off of with Chrysaor, with the only real plot points to work with being the fact that he was born from Medusa post-mortem, married the nymph Callirrhoe, and fathered the giant Geryon. Everything else is pretty much left up to personal interpretation, as such his lore is taking time for me to hammer out. As for some of your other criticisms;

1) Cybele being an NP as opposed to a skill with him is for the simple reason of making sure he isn't an exact carbon copy of Rider Medusa. I just chose to justify it as his being inferior in some aspects, such as requiring conscious activation and being avoidable via basic dodging, while being better in others, such as not requiring eye contact and being instantaneous in it's effects(but I can change it, as with everything else),

2) Poseidon being there is relevant to the lore I'm working on, seeing as someone would've needed to teach Chrysaor how to function as an adult(but I can always remove that if it makes it more cohesive),

3) Him encountering Heracles is also part of the lore, but it also has ties to Heracles' own lore, seeing as the cattleherd Geryon is described as Chrysaor's son by Callirrhoe, and Heracles did kill Geryon. I can PM you the details of that, if you'd like, along with why Athena would hate him so much as to go out of her way to try to erase his legend.

[kiwi]

Karkinos: Pretty amusing sheet overall. I'm impressed with how much you managed to come up with for him given such a miniscule legend. But I'm a little surprised you didn't go for the alternate version of Karkinos' legend where he was intrusted to guard over a bunch of nymphs but got tricked by an evil squid who devoured all of them. To avenge them Karkinos attacked the squid and killed it after a vicious battle, but was grievously wounded in the process. Since he couldn't die thanks to his immortality, Hera decided to relieve his suffering by transforming him into a constellation.

That legend seems like it'd have more to work with in terms of Heroic Spirit potential than just pinching Herc's foot and getting immediately squashed.

That's so much better why is this literally the first time I've ever heard this legend?

[RoydGolden]

That's so much better why is this literally the first time I've ever heard this legend?

It's pretty obscure. I only found it looking up something to do with the Karkinos constellation for my Heikegani sheet.

[Valfodr]

Alright, made a few changes to Chrysaor based on Royd's feedback. I'm still working on the Lore, so please be patient.

EDIT: part 1 of Chrysaor's lore is done, which is the part relevant to his Rider form. Again, I must stress that I had to make up a lot as I went, seeing as there is very little known about Chrysaor aside from his brief mentions in both the tale of Perseus and the Theogeny.

[Shiki-pon]

FC Link
Alternate Classes: Berserker
True Name: Unktehila
Alignment: Chaotic Evil
Origin: Native American Mythology
Armament: N/A

Parameters:
STR: A
END: C
AGI: B
MANA: B
LUCK: D
NP: C+

Skills

Class Skills

Presence Concealment - Rank D: The capacity to hide one's presence as a Servant. It is a common Class Skill of the Assassin class.
Hides one's presence as a Servant. Suitable for spying. A low ranking of Presence Concealment unbecoming for an Assassin to the level that a Servant can infer one's presence at once. The fact that Assassin, with her massive body, can hide at all is something remarkable.

Personal Skills

Familiar Creation - Rank B: A Skill that allows the user to create a familiar and control it from a distance. This ability normally belongs to those of the Caster class.
Though she gave birth to monstrous offspring, Assassin’s reputation falls far short of others like her, such as Tiamat and Echidna. As such, she can create large numbers of familiars as representations of her lost offspring. These familiars cannot truly be controlled, and can only sustain themselves by devouring other lives.

Giant Husk - Rank C++: A Skill relating to the user’s massive physical body, far exceeding those of most Servants. It greatly increases defensive power against Anti-Unit Noble Phantasms and other ‘single target’ attacks. In addition to this, the user’s Endurance parameter is permanently ranked-up.
Renowned for her large frame, according to legend Assassin also had a nigh-impenetrable carapace covering her body. In accordance with this, her Endurance parameter receives a plus modifier instead of being ranked up.

Mana Burst (Poison) - Rank A: A type of Mana Burst that manifests a poison effect. In exchange for causing damage over time, the direct effectiveness of Mana Burst is lessened.
Assassin gains this Skill based partially on her draconic nature. She commonly coats herself in a miasma of toxic energy, both to mask her appearance and to further improve her defenses.

Noble Phantasms

The Seventh Spot that Brings Death

Šakówiŋ Glayška

Anti-Army, Rank A+

A Noble Phantasm that manifests both Assassin’s greatest strength as well as her greatest weakness. Šakówiŋ Glayška engages her normally slumbering draconic core and moves her Spiritual Core closer to the surface of her body. The Spiritual Core actually surfaces, appearing on the seventh spot on Assassin’s body. As such, Šakówiŋ Glayška carries a significant risk for Assassin, though the surfacing ensures that there is nothing in the way to mitigate the released energy.
However, the resulting attack more than serves as a defense. Šakówiŋ Glayška’s offensive power is equivalent to a Dragon’s Breath, further strengthened by the full weight of Assassin’s unleashed mana. Her breath’s attribute is ‘Poison’, and those that survive the initial blast are afflicted with a multitude of negative status effects. In addition to a large amount of poison damage inflicted over time, the target’s are blinded and suffer from confusion. Uniquely, the negative status effects are not transmitted through contact with the attack itself, but rather the act of witnessing it. Observers and others catching sight of the attack will also suffer the same ailments as those actually hit by Šakówiŋ Glayška, though the effectiveness of the debuffs is lessened by distance.
After the attack is executed, Assassin’s Spiritual Core sinks into her body once more. If it is struck during this moment of vulnerability, Assassin would be severely damaged or die outright. However, the blast unleashed by Šakówiŋ Glayška is powerful enough to overcome most attacks targeted at Assassin during the Noble Phantasm’s use.

Description

Likes: Swimming in warm waters, bountiful meals
Dislikes: Thunder, the touch of sunlight
Talents: Spawning offspring, hypnotic suggestion.
Natural Enemy: Wakinyan

Assassin’s true identity is Unktehila, the Demonic Horned Serpent.

As odd as it may seem for a monster, Unktehila’s base nature is quite shy. Her manifestation as an Assassin is, to her, a godsend, as she can use her abilities to hide from the sight of others. She has also outlived her days as a hellraiser that caused havoc wherever she went, and emerged as a more mature creature. Though the evil deeds of her youth made her a monster, she does not regret them at all, simply being glad that she “had her fun”.
Unktehila despises sunlight, and she often coats herself in a cloud of poison in order to avoid its touch during the day. The miasma also serves to hide her true appearance and her weak spot. She is, however, attracted to brightly shining objects, and can spend hours simply watching the glittering of light.
Being a monster, Unktehila has a generally poor reputation with other Heroic Spirits, especially those that slew monsters in their legend. She is also wary of those that wield thunder, perhaps hearkening back to some enemy during the early days of her existence. Oddly enough, she is interested in Servants that are ‘motherly’ by nature, to the point of seeking them out for conversation.
Though fully capable of human speech, Unktehila avoids speaking to her Master. Her words possess a strong hypnotic effect on those she sees as ‘prey’, a category that includes humans. As such, she keeps her silence. She is generally willing to go along with a Master’s desires, but follows her own desires first and foremost. Of course, if her Master proves themselves in such a way that Unktehila ceases to see them as a mere human, a stronger bond could be formed and mutual understanding would be made possible.
Unktehila wishes to be able to have the children that were denied to her in life. Despite the destruction their growth would cause to the world, she does not care in the least as to the consequences of her wish.

Lore

Unktehila was originally a human woman, though where she was born and who she originally was are facts lost even to herself. Her evil deeds during her human life were many, but one of them resulted in her corruption and transformation into the shape of a horned serpent. Some legends even claim that she was guilty of an assassination attempt on the Sun itself, thoughthe how and why of such an attempt remain a mystery.
From the place of her birth, she fled north to avoid hunters after her life. There, she grew in size and eventually attracted a mate, the draconic serpent known as Unk Tehi.
The ancient Lakota tribes of the Northwest had heard rumors, from neighboring tribes, that a Giant Evil Spirit had emerged from the icy waters of the far Northeast Atlantic. In time Unktehila and its companion had fought their way across the eastern coast into the midwest, with many different tribes finding ways to fend off the monsters. They eventually made their way to the Black Hills and sought a new home in the mountains.
Once she and her companion arrived and made a place in the mountains. She coexisted with everyone, from the tribes to the Wamakaskan and the other spirit beings. During this time her and her companion began to prepare to spawn offspring, many different Tribal Clans and Nagi that lived in the Black Hills learned of the monsters plans and began making plans to prevent anymore monsters from becoming a threat. Unktehila and Unk Tehi coexisted with nature because they were only two, but if there were more monsters that needed to kill for survival it meant that more animals and people would die to feed them. This forced everyone to act, before she and her offspring became the cause of chaos and fear.
Over the many years in which she wreaked havoc in the hills, she was challenged by many warriors from the Lakota tribe. It was learned that the creature had offspring, and the tribes had to kill them when they began feeding on people.
Though many warriors tried and failed to kill her, Unktehila’s end finally came at the hands of two twin brothers, one of whom was blind. Guided by a medicine woman, they killed Unktehila using arrows given to them by the medicine woman. Having lost its mate, Unk Tehi fled, having little reason to remain.
Unktehila’s spirit still lingered with the brothers, but they had been warned of the creature’s hollow promises. Though she offered the two great things, their refusal led to the gradual waning of the serpent’s spirit, and in time it faded away completely.
With her spirit finally passed, she finally died, and the Sun scorched her flesh and dried up the land, resulting in the arid rock formations and skeletons found in the Badlands.

[Valfodr]

Neat servant there Shiki-pon. You don't see servants from First Nations mythos very often.

[Shiki-pon]

The lack of First Nations sheets is particularly perplexing given that there's quite a few figures with potential. They do sometimes share the African folklore figures' problem of the stories themselves being pretty hard to parse, so that might be a reason.