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Thread: Create-A-Servant 3

  1. #3561
    死徒(下級)Lesser Dead Apostle Vance's Avatar
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    "Is this really necessary?!"
    "I can assure you that this is one of the most important things you will ever do in your life."
    "...Really?"
    "Yes, really. Now remember, presentation is everything so make it good!"

    "A-alright. Here I go. Ahem. Magical Boy Ni-Kun is here to serve! How was that?"
    "Absolute majesty."

    True Name: Ninurta
    Class: Rider
    Alt. Class: Archer, Caster
    Alignment: Chaotic Good
    Source: Mesopotamian Myth
    Region: Mesopotamia
    Armament: Ma-Wand, Bow

    Parameters:
    Strength: C+
    Endurance: B
    Agility: A
    Mana: A+
    Luck: A

    Class Skills:

    Magic Resistance A
    Grants protection against magical effects. Differing from the Resistance effect that merely rejects Magical Energy, this ability cancels the spells altogether. Cancel spells of A-Rank or below, no matter what High-Thaumaturgy it is. In practice, the Servant is untouchable to modern magi, so it would not be an exaggeration to title the Servant a "Magus Killer".

    Riding A+
    A Class Skill of Rider and Saber class Servants, denoting the ability to ride mounts and vehicles. Rider-class Servants will typically possess a high rank. It is said that dragon type mounts are an exception, requiring a different ability other than Riding. All vehicles and all creatures up to the level of Phantasmal Beast and Divine Beast can be used as mounts. However, that does not apply to members of the Dragon Kind.

    Personal Skills:

    Divine Core of The Magical Girl A-
    Divine essence that denotes one being an individual that holds up the concept of "magical girl". However, as Rider is male, the rank is unstable, with Rider's role as a theoretical ur-example of a magical girl being a shaky support. Nonetheless, "A magical boy can also fight for love, justice, and peace for all!", or so his wand says. It is because of this skill that Rider has his current form.

    Disengage A
    The ability to withdraw from the battlefield in the midst of combat or reset the battle conditions. Bonus effect of returning battle conditions to what they were at the beginning of the match (1st turn) and restores the condition of this Skill to the initial value. At the same time, it forcibly releases some of the bad status ailments inflicted on the user of this Skill. Let it be said that Ninurta was said to have tried to flee like a bird from the demon, Asag, until he was persuaded (ordered) to fight by his partner and weapon, Sharur.

    Civilization Prosperation B
    A skill that affects not Rider himself but those affected by his actions. Originally an EX ranked skill meant to gradually and continually uplift the surrounding civilizations, through his rebranding as protector of the people, the skill rank has fallen to just allowing individuals to continue living their lives, unaffected by the absurd events happening around them, and seamlessly rebuild destroyed structures after some time has passed.

    PR Model Mystic Code B+
    A skill denoting the form currently being assumed by Rider's weapon, Sharur. As part of the rebranding planned by the weapon, it has also changed its general appearance for the sake of public relations. Furthermore, it has mysteriously gained the ability to record, edit, and produce videos of Rider's exploits on short notice. Make no mistake, despite its appearance, it is still as deadly as before.

    Noble Phantasms

    Sharur: Indispensable Divine Assistant
    Rank: B+
    Type: Anti-Unit, Anti-Army, Anti-Self

    The first noble phantasm of Rider. A magical mace that served as his lifelong companion throughout his adventures. It has a multitude of functions, with its most notable ability being the ability to shift between forms. Some of these forms are a bow that shoots lightning bolts, a winged beast for Rider to ride, and, most recently, a cartoonish wand. However, it's main use is its avisatory ability, bolstering Rider's confidence, hyping him up for a fight, etc. It is easy to say that Sharur is Rider's best friend and confidant.

    Lugal-e: Felling The Slain Heroes
    Rank: C++
    Type: Anti-Unit

    The second noble phantasm of Rider. A special attack type of noble phantasm that acts of the crystallisation of Rider's feat of defeating the Slain Heroes; something that was said to be compared to the Twelve Labors done by the hero Heracles. It manifests as added properties that applied to the attacks that Rider makes with his weapon. These properties are varied around the traits of the Slain Heroes with one being Anti-Dragon and another having Anti-Fortune. When striking a target that corresponds with the property that was currently added, the attack power bolsters exponentially. Alternatively, in the vein of deciding to perform something resembling an ultimate attack, using Sharur in bow form, he can let loose 12 simultaneous shots from Sharur's bow form with each projectile carrying the force of an A-rank attack and Anti-Divine properties.


    Lore

    Rider's identity is Ninurta, the Mesopotamian god of agriculture, war, and hunting that was instrumental in the recovery of the stolen Tablet of Destinies for his father, Enlil, and the slaying of a demon that was poisoning the rivers. For his accomplishments, he was invited into the council of the gods. It is believed that he served as inspiration for the great hunter Nimrod who existed in the Book of Genesis.

    "This is all that needs to be said, right now. Any more would be bad for the viewers!"


    Personality

    A precocious young child who constantly doubts his effectiveness in the battlefield, someone who would run away at first chance if given the opportunity. On the contrary, when properly motivated, he becomes quite dangerous to his foes, as befitting his title as a god of war. He does care about those under his care, as experienced by the farming techniques he bestowed upon the humans he reigned over. He is also quite childish though this may be due to his current situation. However, it should go without saying that putting Rider in a position of power would make him reach a bit too far.

    "This is a bit scary but I think I can do this!" "That's the spirit Ni-kun!" "Eheheh, thanks."

    Sharur, on the other hand, has a dutiful and encouraging persona. It is a bit steward-like in how it manages its self appointed role as Rider's PR manager but it seemed to have some compatibility with it. Sharur also boasts an impressive loyalty to Rider, constantly handing out advice (i.e. nagging him to do things). Even when Rider has started overreaching when he got arrogant over his success, it seems he never gave on him. The weapon in of itself, holding back deeper aspects from even Rider but its sincere care is plain as day.

    "The curiosity shines in his eyes sometimes, ya know? But my secrets are mine to keep. Even if It would good for my son to know his father's, or rather a pale shade of the man, been with him every step of the way."


    Creator's note: So this was an unusually ambitious one from me. I ended up being inspired by the offhand comment that Ninurta counts as the ur-example of a magical girl, and things flew off from there. Other than that, I think I did well for myself here.
    Last edited by Vance; May 16th, 2021 at 01:21 AM.

  2. #3562
    Local Extra Class Aficionado DelRey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheTruthWhale View Post
    @DelRey

    I somehow found this sheet more difficult to read than the massive wall that was the other one. I think it's because of all the moving parts. There's something like three or four gods fused into one ability. She feels like she'd be a six-star servant, if that makes any sense. She's got so much stuff, from an arguably better version of Mystic Eyes of Death Perception to being a Shielder/Assassin to having another set of Rainbow Mystic Eyes. I like the lore, but it's a lot for one sheet. A lot.

    That aside, it's an interesting take, and Canaan could have been brought to Chaldea through the same nonsense that made Ryougi a Psuedo-Servant despite the Moon Cell making her future impossible. I don't really see why, other than her synesthesia, she'd be connected to Nekhbet of all gods, but the mutation of the Eye of Horus is done well enough that it makes sense without being outside the realm of possibility.

    EDIT: I feel the phrase "an arguably better Mystic Eyes of Death Perception" is not one that should ever be uttered. Like, at least with those eyes, you can try and dodge the knife.
    Handling Egyptian Mythology was a challenge. We deal with over three thousand years of mythology that had as many gods and most were different names of the same gods.
    'Names' is one of the most important aspects in Egypt so I dived into that. I have the luxury of having that knowledge, but the weakness of not explaining well.
    I try to shorten it Atum = Ra = Amun, same god, Atum as creator god with the eyes, Ra when he became the sun, Amun later name in history, which i connected to a name he had in another cosmogeny in Egypt.
    Amun is, 'The Hidden One' and represents what could not be seen at the birth out of Chaos, which i likened to seeing concepts and bringing them to life. He created what we like to use to argue certain authorities and stuff. Explaining that more is not possible for me, mythology and Nasu can be vague. What made this possible are his Eyes, which are another really important aspect of Egypt. I made 'Horus' a Title that is basically the 'King/Pharaoh' of gods, because they were actually at least SIX horus floating around in Egypt. So an inheritable ability of the Eyes that signify a King. The First Holder was Atum/Ra, then it went on to Osiris, why explained in his name that explains the concept of the eyes basically in pictures and then they ended up in Nekhen, who would take on the name of Horus we all commonly know. Nekhen is the Proto-Falcon god in Egypt IRL. One of his Eyes were by Myth torn out by Seth and because the First Eye of Ra (the one that nearly killed the world, one of the most famous myths in Egypt) was born basically like that too, it created a goddess too, that holds the aspect of 'created by the Eye of the King'.
    Despite all this seemingly wanked shit of seeing stuff, it is mostly sensory, she can not create out of nothing and is actually just a glorified version of what Canaan itself can do herself (she can use all her five senses at once and grants her all those abilities I mentioned, I just added the simulation of sensory things by looking alone, like being touched or feeling allured to the sound of being watched by her and stuff). But I made it clear and added the line that she has not the MEoDP and added that she can burn away her Saint Graph by overusing it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tabris View Post
    Canaan/Nekhbet: OOOOOOOOOOOOOO is this bait? For I know quite a bit about the strange byways of Egyptian myth, but absolutely none about this... comic? anime adaptation? eh? weh? In any case, I really wanna like it, the lore practically demands that I like it, but I need to see what is yet to be seen, hm? It would be injustice to this synaesthete not to try and see through her eyes, otherwise.
    Canaan is a 13 episode Anime adaptation of an extra story of a game, Nasu ceonceptualized it and Takeuchi designed the characters and stuff. I recommend it. There is no points that suggest it is or is not part of the Nasuverse, as it does not deal with anything magical and focuses on worldly stuff. Clips on youtube could show you how she sees the world.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cursed by Fortuna View Post
    I do agree though that this is a bit much, frankly the mystic eyes alone feel like a full authority rather than any noble phantasm and as Caenis established even divine spirits as servants cannot survive using authorities, as I think it's said if she tried to use Poseidon's trident it would kill her and even Quexacoatyl a full divine spirit who was one of if not the strongest divine spirits of her pantheon cited using her authorities costed "a lot of mana" basically relying her to be at full power to do so. For someone who isn't a full on divine spirit, let alone the leader of a pantheon honestly using any of either of her NP should outright kill her, or destroy her saint graph. Then there's the Shen ring, which is similarly OP, quite honestly I feel that given how strong either of the Noble phantasms are it feels redundant giving her both, then combined with her double summon skills, and it feels like the servant is just broken, not even wank, like Gilgamesh's eyes or Karna's spear and armor, just literally broken on the level of "Above even top servants in strength".
    Nekhbet is not the Head of the Pantheon and uses a weaker version of those Eyes. Like I just explained to Whale, her abilities are mostly sensory and except the 'simulating senses by looking' aspects (which I do not think as incredibly powerful, just a niche thing to have), all her effects from limited Clairvoyance and Technomancy, are things Canaan possesses due to her own extreme case of Synesthesia. I think with her becoming a Servant those natural abilities would become even stronger because she has more stamina to spare now to continue using it, if not for the Eye of Horus. The EoH adds a bunch of more information to what she sees, but barely any of them are really useful for combat and the extra Mana used balances the bonuses of becoming a Servant. She exhausts using them as much as during life. If you know how Shiki sees the world, imagine it even more confusing, but less useful for killing, but helpful for combat (which Canaan had as a human) with extra conceptual stuff that she can not interact with anyways.


    Quote Originally Posted by Cursed by Fortuna View Post
    Granted I generally am not the biggest fan of divine spirit level servants as I feel they are often too wank for their own good (despite them supposedly being "weakened due to manifesting as servants" [something that I think Nasu or his writers may have forgotten as comparing Goddess Rhongomyniad [a full divine spirit] and Quexacoatyl even after the ladder was weakened she seemed outright stronger than the former despite having manifested as a servant and having been weakened supposedly]) as even figures like Karna and Gilgamesh supposedly being roughly equal to lower level divine spirits (something which given how Quexacoatyl is shown is very much in question) generally don't seem to compare. But this is beyond even that, there's a certain principle regarding fights of something which is or isn't possible if a person knows there is a possibility to overcome, however small then it makes the drama compelling as there is a chance however small, that the hero can come ahead and survive or win. But when the something like this is presented where despite having low ranking parameters the rest of the sheet is so OP it almost feels like a joke, cause the parameters don't even matter. The only things I could imagine winning against a being like this are a grand servant or an outright god as it's just that wank.
    I am actually questioning myself now if she is really that bonkers as you two make her out to be. Perhaps I should work more with ranks. Or it seems stronger as it is, because I guess you have not seen the Anime.
    I see what I can tinker to make her powers more clearer and balanced.
    Edit: Done, I hope it makes those things clearer now.
    On a sidenote, you already made several Blogs explaining things, have you considered making a blog that explains Noble Phantasm ranks? Ranking them seems so confusing to me, so i ignored NP ranks for a while now, but especially for this sheets I should do that to show my power lovel I have in mind. Or anyone else doing that? I think it is time that i learn this stuff and update my NP of all my sheets.

    after that I look at Whales' and Vance's Servant
    Last edited by DelRey; May 16th, 2021 at 04:40 AM.
    "Let's see the color of your coin, my friend."



    Behold my vault of Heroes.
    Where the Heavens and the Abyss breath the Music of Humanity.


    The King's duty is to provide. And provide, I shall.
    University of Formatting | Gallery of Potential | Memorandum of the Extra Class Kings

    Our Kingdom will grow. And we shall know each citizen.
    Create-a-Servant 4 soon.

  3. #3563
    Local Extra Class Aficionado DelRey's Avatar
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    Rati: For more faceclaims, join her OnlyFans. Blackbeard and Fergus already have a Premium Subscription.
    Because I always mix up Rama and Kama I was really confused at the start. Then we came to the Lore section and I blanked out. Indian Mythology is something that will keep my hands away from for a while, all those reincarnations are so confusing to me.
    Her first NP, has it a reason why the mist are basically her blades from a lore standpoint or just cool idea you had? It seems weird to me, I would have made it that the heart rate of targets increases dramatically, simulating the effect of carnal desires in an absurd way and stressing the body like that instead of....Horny Senbonsakura from Bleach
    I would have noted that the 2nd skill is a personalized form of Swordmanship, but I am not sure that warrants a skill for a Saber...except you make her into a Lover Class Servant, then it makes sense *wink wink, join the cult*
    I wanted to say the same to the first skill and Golden Rule (Beauty), but I am not really sure if they are the same.

    Ninurta: ... I really like Ninurta as a god, years ago when I started looking at Mesopotamian myths, he was one of my favourites. Seeing him becoming a little boy like that is...weird for me, because you made it actually work. Using Sharur like those gem things in the prismaverse just fits. Was that offhand comment for the Nasuverse itself? Pretty cool sheet. But oh man...my man is a little boy. I know now how Atalanta felt when she met Artemis.
    "Let's see the color of your coin, my friend."



    Behold my vault of Heroes.
    Where the Heavens and the Abyss breath the Music of Humanity.


    The King's duty is to provide. And provide, I shall.
    University of Formatting | Gallery of Potential | Memorandum of the Extra Class Kings

    Our Kingdom will grow. And we shall know each citizen.
    Create-a-Servant 4 soon.

  4. #3564
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    Last edited by Cursed by Fortuna; July 3rd, 2022 at 08:55 PM.
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  5. #3565
    Local Extra Class Aficionado DelRey's Avatar
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    well that was an entertaining, educational and fun read. I was happy at first "rank of mystery" is something i can work with, but damn your explanations teared a hole in the Nasu'logic'. It helped me a lot, thx. I continue to not give a shit about NP ranks and try other ways to bring them into perspective.
    Uninformed idea tho: Could those ranks be separated into their Anti-Unit, Anti-Fortress, etc categories? So a Rank B Anti-Unit NP can not compare against a Rank B Anti-Army NP just expanded across all possible 'Anti-'s?

    Oh and it is Quetzalcoatl, Quetzal like the pretty birds that were an important part of Aztec life
    "Let's see the color of your coin, my friend."



    Behold my vault of Heroes.
    Where the Heavens and the Abyss breath the Music of Humanity.


    The King's duty is to provide. And provide, I shall.
    University of Formatting | Gallery of Potential | Memorandum of the Extra Class Kings

    Our Kingdom will grow. And we shall know each citizen.
    Create-a-Servant 4 soon.

  6. #3566
    プレインズウォーカー Planeswalker Serra's Avatar
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    Quick update: went back and added Aptitude for Slaughter to my Champawat Tiger sheet as had been suggested; also, I've been looking into making a Lancer of sorts since it's the one standard class from which I'm missing a member, and I've recently scrapped two in a row since my last post; the first was basically 'Morholt, the one who fought Tristan, but not actually Morholt, just someone acting as him, to explain away some things that may be taken as minor inconsistencies or oddities in the legend' except I realised that 1) I wasn't exploiting that angle enough and was basically just making a bad Morholt sheet instead, 2) even if I did improve on the execution that'd probably have been better suited as a Faker; and though I liked most of the second one's sheet in terms of how interesting the skills had ended up being - I had actually made some of the skills up before picking the character to base myself upon, for some reason - I was unsatisfied with the backstory I'd come up with for it - basically 'you know this general who historically served under Julius Caesar? him but from a reality where the conquest of Gaul could rely way more on brute force and very little on tactics because of uhhh reasons I guess' which was both disappointingly vague and just not really interesting in general. So, yeah, still looking for something more fun to pull off with the Lancer class for now, but my next sheet will most likely be in that Class.

  7. #3567
    Maker of Poor Decisions and Massive Sheets TheTruthWhale's Avatar
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    @DelRey:

    Rati is considered the Hindi goddess of pollution. She was born fron the first pollution ever brought into the world, Dakasha's sweat at watching her daughter have incestuous desires for her husband. I could have made the mist something sexual, but she doesn't need the further boost to that. Her presence alone awakens those desires. I also needed an unlock for her weapon, which was born with her.

    As for her personal skill, it's because I'm working on a rider version, and all Hindu servants have these kind of personalized skills. I don’t know why, but it's a tradition I like.

    EDIT: Honestly, I'm probably scrapping the Rider version. It'd be too similar.

    @Vance:

    I love it. Magical girls/magical boys are my weakness. No notes.

    @Fortuna:

    I know you don't like divine spirits normally, but I'm curious as to what you think of Rati.
    Last edited by TheTruthWhale; May 16th, 2021 at 12:39 PM.

  8. #3568
    祖 Ancestor NMR-3's Avatar
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    PROLOGUE

    Soft music is playing somewhere. You don't recognize the tune, but you think that the irregular rhythm of the drums is somehow achingly familiar and haunting. The tables are made of solid oak and clean, but the wood looks wet. The smell of alcohol hangs in the air.

    In short, you're in a bar of some kind.

    You don't remember how you came to be in a bar. Or what you've drunk so far. There's a wineglass in front of you that's empty, though what used to be in it you don't remember either. Your head hurts.

    Across the table from you sits a man with a similar glass of wine, though his is full. He's swirling it and studying it like it contains the secrets of the universe. The wine is dark red, which is about where your knowledge of wine ends.

    The man lifts his head and smiles. "Back again, Master of Chaldea?"

    Is that who you are? Your head hurts. Looking at things makes it hurt more.

    With a motion of his hand, a bartender is called over to replace the empty bottle of wine. Some instinct tells you not to look at the man's face, so you focus on his long, limber fingers as they take hold of the cork and twist until it comes loose. You vaguely remember that normal people ought to use a cork opener for that sort of thing, but you don't dare to utter the words.

    The bartender leaves after that, settling behind the bar counter. The bottles behind him are indistinct and filled with something you don't have a name for. Somehow, you think, what is in the bottles may look physically separate but in a different way it is all part of a whole.

    "Allow me," the man sitting at the table says, smiling, and he refills your glass. You're grateful that he draws away your attention from the bottles; you were on the cusp of realizing something.

    Then he leans forward. "Let us continue your story," he says. "You were telling me about the first time you drank alcohol?"

    You blink. Your head hurts a little less. There's not really much to it, honestly. You begin again...



    Source:
    https://www.deviantart.com/asml30/art/Bai-Li-735439186

    Class: Foreigner
    Other Classes: Saber, Caster, Berserker
    True Name: Li Bai (李白)
    Nicknames: Li Bo, Li Po, Li Taibai (太白, Venus or Great White Star), Qinglian Jushi (青蓮居士, Householder of the Azure Lotus), Poet Transcendent, Wine Immortal, Poet Knight-errant, Immortal Exiled From Heaven, Cthulhu
    Alignment: Chaotic Good
    Place of Origin: 701-762, Tang Dynasty of China

    Basic Info

    STR: C
    END: B
    AGI: C
    MGI: A
    LCK: B
    NP: A

    Height: 178cm
    Weight: 60kg
    Likes: Wine, Poetry, Women
    Dislikes: Exile, injustice, empty wine bottles, eunuchs
    Talent: composing poetry while drunk
    Natural Enemy: Gao Lishi, Junichiro Koizumi[3]
    Attribute: Human
    Armament: a Longquanjian[1]
    Catalyst: a page from one of original manuscripts


    Class Skills

    Existence Outside of the Domain B
    The Class Skill that all Foreigners share; the result of contact with a being beyond human comprehension. In this case, Foreigner is a herald of Cthulhu, the Great Dreamer, and has even laid eyes on dread R'lyeh itself. Foreigner has partial command over Cthulhu's Authorities of water and dreams, and can even summon Deep Ones to serve as his familiars.

    Insanity C
    A sort of "mental pollution" that influences not only the Servant but also spreads like a disease into the minds of others. However, what drives Foreigner is not anxiety, fear, or hatred; instead it is the carelessness, freedom from worries, and recklessness that come with being drunk that he desires above all.

    Divinity B+
    One's aptitude for Divine Spirit status. While Foreigner largely is given this rank as a result of his being the herald of Cthulhu, there are some Chinese who worship Foreigner as an immortal, as well as being one of the "saints" of Taoism in the Vietnamese new-age religion Đạo Cao Đài.

    Magic Resistance B
    The ability to resist spells. As someone who wandered the still-wild world of ancient China, Foreigner was confronted many times with Daoist spells, Buddhist rites and other, more mysterious kinds of spellcraft. This experience, coupled with the support from his patron, have resulted in Foreigner being able to shrug off spells with a chant below three verses.

    Riding C
    The ability to ride something. It is possible to ride beasts and vehicles with above average skill, but it is not normally possible to ride Monstrous Beasts or other Phantasmal Species.


    Personal Skills

    Knight Errant A
    趙客縵胡纓, The man of Zhao wore unadorned robes and a simple tassel,
    吳鉤霜雪明. his scimitar was bright as frost and snow.
    銀鞍照白馬, The silver saddle illuminated the white horse,
    颯沓如流星. its wild galloping was like a shooting star.
    十步殺一人, To kill one man within ten steps,
    千里不留行. and not leave a trace within a thousand miles.
    事了拂衣去, To leave with a flick of one's robes after the deed is done,
    深藏身與名. to deeply hide one's body and name.
    (from 俠客行, Ode to Gallantry)
    In his youth, Li Bai was something of a knight errant (遊俠, youxia, lit. wandering vigilante). These men wandered China with a sword in hand, using both physical force and political influence to correct wrongs wherever they found them. From all sorts of backgrounds, ranging from princes to paupers, sharing the ideology of Mozi to be compassionate to all, these men required freedom above all.

    By the age of fourteen, Li Bai had taken his father's Longquan[1] sword and begun to challenge men to duels; he claims to have killed before he was twenty. It is therefore with some experience that he claims "that only with a longsword in one hand and a cup of wine in the other is a man alive." In fact, Foreigner could easily also be summoned as a Saber, an Assassin or even a Berserker.

    As a Servant, Foreigner still carries a sword on his hip and wields it as skillfully as he does a brush. By forcing the Authorities of Cthulhu into the sword, Foreigner retains his human shape, but the sword is continually wet with indescribable ichor.

    Eight Immortals of the Wine Cup B
    處世若大夢, Life in the world is but a big dream;
    胡爲勞其生? I will not spoil it by any labour or care.
    所以終日醉, So saying, I was drunk all the day,
    頹然臥前楹. lying helpless at the porch in front of my door.

    覺來盼庭前, When I awoke, I blinked at the garden-lawn;
    一鳥花間鳴. a lonely bird was singing amid the flowers.
    借問此何時? I asked myself, had the day been wet or fine?
    春風語流鶯. The Spring Wind was telling the mango-bird.

    感之欲嘆息, Moved by its song I soon began to sigh,
    對酒還自傾. and, as wine was there, I filled my own cup.
    浩歌待明月, Wildly singing I waited for the moon to rise;
    曲盡已忘情. when my song was over, all my senses had gone.
    (from 春日醉起言志, Waking from Drunkenness on a Spring Day)
    The "Eight Immortals of the Wine Cup"[2] were a group of scholars who were famed for their knowledge, their skill, and also their love of wine. Li Bai was among their number, and in fact it is sometimes said that "some may have drunk more wine than Li Bai, but none have written more poems about it."

    Take note, however, that it is not really the state of "drunkenness" that the Immortals pursue by drinking wine. Rather than drunkenness, intoxication or inebriation, what Li Bai pursues is zui (醉), which carries the connotation of being mentally carried away from one's normal life. He has mastered the fine art of knowing exactly what to drink, when, and even how. To make sure he is never sober he perpetually carries at least one flask of wine with him at all times.

    By sipping at his drink and infusing his voice with magical energy, Foreigner can make his audience drunk "merely on the atmosphere", as if they had drunk together with him. He cannot push his targets into becoming blackout drunk and, even if he could, feels no need to; it is more an invitation to come share a drink with him. After all, wouldn't it be a waste to not even taste the wine?

    The Dead Wait Dreaming EX
    庄周梦蝴蝶 Zhuangzi in dream became a butterfly,
    蝴蝶为庄周. And the butterfly became Zhuangzi at waking.
    一体更变易 Which was the real—the butterfly or the man?
    万事良悠悠. Who can tell the end of the endless changes of things?
    乃知蓬莱水 The water that flows into the depth of the distant sea
    复作清浅流. Returns anon to the shallows of a transparent stream.
    青门种瓜人 The man, raising melons outside the green gate of the city,
    但日东陵侯. Was once the Prince of the East Hill.
    富贵固如此 So must rank and riches vanish.
    营营何所求? You know it, still you toil and toil,—what for?
    (from 庄周梦蝴蝶, Zhuangzhi's Butterfly Dream)
    Another blessing from Foreigner's "patron", named after a short fragment from the famous chant Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn ("In his palace at R'lyeh, dead Cthulhu waits dreaming"), expressed as best as Foreigner can through the story of the butterfly dream of Zhuangzhi. In this story, a man dreams of being a butterfly. On waking, he wonders: is he the real Zhuang Zhou, or merely a dream in turn?

    By blurring the barriers between dreams and reality, Foreigner can walk through the dreams of others as freely as he wants, although he must assume spiritual form to do so. To his eternal regret, the fact that this is an ability of his patron means that he taints the dreams merely by entering them, turning even the most pleasant dream into a horrible nightmare by showing the dreamer scenes from R'lyeh.


    Noble Phantasms


    Drinking Alone With the Moon
    月下独酌

    Type: Anti-Unit
    Rank: B
    Range: 1~10
    Max Targets: 2

    花间一壶酒 A pot of wine among the flowers.
    独酌无相亲 I drink alone, no friend with me.
    举杯邀明月 I raise my cup to invite the moon.
    对影成三人 He and my shadow and I make three.

    月既不解饮 The moon does not know how to drink;
    影徒随我身 My shadow mimes my capering;
    暂伴月将影 But I’ll make merry with them both –
    行乐须及春 And soon enough it will be Spring.

    我歌月徘徊 I sing – the moon moves to and fro.
    我舞影零乱 I dance – my shadow leaps and sways.
    醒时同交欢 Still sober, we exchange our joys.
    醉后各分散 Drunk – and we’ll go our separate ways.

    永结无情游 Let’s pledge – beyond human ties – to be friends,
    相期邈云汉 And meet where the Silver River ends.

    (translation by Vikram Seth)
    A sword slash that embodies Foreigner's "freedom". That is to say, freedom from worries, doubt, and morality through
    drunkenness
    self-induced, temporary insanity
    . Performing the True Name Release of this Noble Phantasm while sober is therefore not merely impossible, but will actually induce backlash on Foreigner. In addition it is only accessible to Li Bai when summoned as a Foreigner, as otherwise he cannot reach the necessary mindset.

    By combining the state of drunkenness with the state of utter freedom desired by the Great Old Ones, this slash can cut away not merely the physical body of its target but their other restraints as well. Depending on the wishes of Foreigner, those who survive the invocation can have their alignment turned to Chaotic, cut away their inhibitions, have their bond to their Master severed, have their soul corroded with Cthulhu's malign influence, or merely take the expected physical damage. Until he strikes even Foreigner does not know which effect it will be, as he changes his mind constantly.

    Quiet Night Thought
    靜夜思

    Type: Anti-Unit (Self)
    Rank: A
    Range: 99
    Max Targets: 1

    床前明月光 Before my bed there's a pool of light
    疑是地上霜 I wonder if it's frost on the ground
    舉頭望明月 Looking up, I find the moon bright
    低頭思故鄉 Then bowing my head, I drown in homesickness.
    Perhaps Foreigner's most famous poem, Quiet Night Thought (also known as Thoughts in the Silent Night, Thinking on a Quiet Night, In the Still of the Night etc) is also one of the first poems Chinese children learn. It expresses homesickness eloquently both textually and metatextually[4].

    Its function is to work as an anchor by which Foreigner can instantly "return to normal", dispelling any sort of mental affliction that lies on him. Upon using Quiet Night's Thought, his drunkenness is immediately replaced with stone-cold sobriety and any effects like Fear or Zealotry are removed. However, it cannot dispel illnesses of the body, nor can it effect wounds.

    While a potent weapon to deal with any sort of mental debuff, activating this Noble Phantasm precludes him from using Drinking Alone with the Moon until he once again manages to drink himself into the proper mindset.


    Lore

    Some time before 700 AD, a secret adherent of a cult that worshipped He Who Lies Dreaming began offering sacrifices to his profane idol. When these were discovered, he was exiled to Suyab in present-day Kyrgyzstan. No reaction came from the Old One, but after his mother saw a dream wherein a white star fell from Heaven. Nine months later Li Bai was born, as strong and healthy a child as anyone could have wished. However, Li Bai was never told about this prelude.

    Growing up, Li Bai read extensively, fenced, tamed wild birds, rode, hunt, aided the poor, and altogether lead the wild life of a knight errant or youxia. He expressed the wish to become an official but never took the necessary exam. It seemed he preferred freedom. Nonetheless, he managed to eventually be recommended to the emperor's court, and even received the title "Immortal Exiled from Heaven" - an irony Li Bai could not yet appreciate.

    His personality fascinated both the highborn of the court and the lowborn populace, his drinking was legendary, and his political views were so erudite that he impressed even Emperor Xuanzong. He became employed as a translator and as a teacher at a local Academy for some time, but due to an incident with the chief eunuch, he was eventually sent away from court and once more took up wandering.

    In reality, these wanderings were opportunities to visit the hidden sects of China, which even then were flourishing. He learned much of his father's background and the idols he worshipped. Horrified by the knowledge of who and what he really was, he took to Daoism to attempt to cleanse the foreign influences from his soul. Unfortunately, he met with mixed success at best.

    When Li Bai was in his fifties, the An Lushan rebellion began to rage, Yang Guifei was strangled and the Golden Age of the Tang came to a close. The character of Li Bai's poems took on a new character: sadder, melancholic, more desperate in his longing for the good days. After backing the wrong prince's claim to the throne, Li Bai was even nearly exiled. He confined his wanderings to nearby regions of China, more and more alarmed by the reports of the cults growing more and more brazen.

    On one particularly dark night, He Who Lies Dreaming finally sent his tendrils into Li Bai's mind, attempting to activate his sleeper agent. The poet, then drinking wine at home, stirred as he felt an achingly familiar madness creep up on him. What power, what magnificence, what horror tore through his being!

    What saved him from being dragged to R'lyeh was, in the end, sheer nostalgia. The moon overhead was reflected in the lake, the mountains forever distant, echoing the foundation of what would later become the Noble Phantasm Quiet Night's Thought. Seeing the moon he reached for it, tipping over the boat, and slipped beneath the waves and drowned, still smiling, insisting on remaining human until the end.


    Personality

    An "everything is for the sake of my art" kind of artist. On good days - or rather, good nights - he is a pleasure to be around, as long as one has a high tolerance for drunken antics. The Master of Li Bai should probably prepare themselves to stock up on fine wine and other alcohol; preparing for a pub crawl on the first night of the summoning is also essential if one wishes to get along with Foreigner.

    On bad days, however, Foreigner is somber and melancholic, as reflected in his later poems. He has seen many, many good friends leave him forever; he may reunite with a few who have become Heroic Spirits, but most have set off on "travels" to a place he may never reach.


    Relationships

    Yang Guifei:
    "Ah, Madame Yang! You're as enchanting as ever -- no, even moreso now that you have become a true fairy! Of course I don't hold a grudge over the whole exile incident, hahaha! It's that damnable eunuch that screwed me over, wasn't it? It's fine, I'll just drink a few more cups and forget all about it!"

    Wu Zetian:
    "Your Highness! I have never had the pleasure of seeing you in life, but now I see that the rumours could not do your majesty justice. This brings to mind a poem -- allow me a few gulps of wine first and I'll recite it immediately..."

    Katsuhika Hokusai[5]:
    "Hey, what's that octopus-looking thing? Your father, you say? My! I can feel the aura of a kindred spirit from him. Tell me, what kind of wine can an octopus drink? I'll trade you some stories from my youthful wanderings!"

    Du Fu:
    "Come, friend. Let us two relics drink and trade stories of a better time..."


    Footnotes

    [1] Longquan (龙泉, lit 'dragon spring') was famous for its high-quality swords. The sword in question is a jian, a double-edged straight sword known as the "gentleman of weapons".

    [2] This is a historical reference/allusion to the Eight Immortals of Chinese legend, who were travelling immortals who helped the poor peasantry. (None of them are in Fate yet, but they're the same kind of immortal as Hinako, to wit 仙 or Xian.) These also loved to drink, incidentally, and the famous Drunken Boxing style is said to be partially based on said drunk immortals.

    [3] Sometime in 2003/2004, a poem circulated among the Chinese Internet community purportedly by Li Bai named "飞花轻寒", literally "a cold and flying chain of flowers". It imitates the content of his poems but failed to truly mimic the style. This bit of false attribution wouldn't be very noteworthy if not for the fact that read the right way the poem contains the message "Go to hell Japan, Koizumi must die". I thought it was a funny little aside. See also the Grass Mud Horse or Cao Ni Ma.

    [4] Summarily, there being "frost on the ground" points to the Mid-Autumn Festival, where one is meant to honour the ancestors as part of traditional Confucian values; it implies family reunions. However, the Emperor is the Father of all Chinese, and as such must also be honoured, not to mention officials cannot just leave court whenever they feel like it. The poem therefore expresses an official's desire to see family again while also honouring the Emperor.

    [5] There's something of an actual link between the two (beyond the Cthulhu thing that I invented). Li Bai was a close friend of the Japanese poet Abe no Nakamaro aka Chao Heng, who also wrote poems longing for home. Hokusai later included Nakamaro in his Hyakunin Isshu or One Hundred Poets series of woodblocks. That's sadly about as far as there's a karmic link between them, I think. Yang Guifei also references Nakamaro and Li Bai in her line to Hokusai, for what that's worth.


    Creator Notes

    So a couple of things I want to talk about here.

    The first thing that I want to get out of the way is that I can't speak or read Chinese. As such I've had some difficulty in finding the original Chinese text of the Ode to Gallantry. Using what little kanji I know, I think that I've gotten it right, but I'm not quite sure. Translations aren't mine, obviously; they're gathered from random sources online.

    The second is why Li Bai is a Foreigner. I at first started with just the thought that I wanted to make a Foreigner again, but the first iteration of Li Bai (never posted anywhere) had very little to do with being a Foreigner. I had three skills thought out which were Li Bai's with some influence from Cthulhu; I had one NP which was Li Bai's with some influence from Cthulhu. I eventually realized that it would be very easy to just make Li Bai a Caster instead, so hence this new version. It's got more Cthulhu, I hope.

    The third is that I'm beginning to notice a trend in which figures I make into Servants: I'm mostly distilling things from books I've read into Servants. Having read Marcus Aurelius' Meditations I made Marcus Aurelius, having read Peter the Great by Massie I made Peter the Great, having read Byzantium: a History by Norwich I made Justinian and Theodora, and after reading China: A History by Keay, I made Li Bai. I feel a little embarrassed that as of late I only seem to be trying to show off that I'm capable of reading books.

    As such, I hereby promise that my next sheet will be something rather stupid again.
    Last edited by NMR-3; May 16th, 2021 at 01:57 PM.
    The Adventure of the Velvet Room (Sherlock Holmes/Persona) (SB, FFN, AO3)

    Blog with all of my Servants so far.

  9. #3569
    Maker of Poor Decisions and Massive Sheets TheTruthWhale's Avatar
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    @NMR:

    So, ancient Chinese poetry is dope as hell, and you did a good job finding it. I have a couple of things, though. The first and probably biggest is "why Cthulhu?" Li Bai, to me at least, shares almost nothing with the Great Old One or his cults other than a few poems about dreams. The second is more a comment about balance. He has a lot of skills, which I'm not terribly against, but they don't really fit together? For example, without Independent Action, his ability to walk through dreams is extremely limited, and if the intent was to combine them, nigh unstoppable dream walking should probably be a Noble Phantasm of some sort, since he's essentially causing a psyche break in the subconscious.

    Then there are the NPs themselves. Drinking Alone With the Moon should definitely be EX rank. Severing Servant connections means surpassing the magic of the Greater Grail, and unless this guy is somehow Counter Force, that's a hard no. It breaks too much of the system. Also I could see "freedom from life" being applied with how it's worded, meaning it could probably be an instant kill on top of already being essentially an instant kill for Servants that don't have Independent Action or Manifestation. Quiet Night Thought seems also really weak for an A rank. Insanity offers natural resistance to the effects that it would dispell anyway, so it really feels like his most known work is the weakest thing he's got. That kind of feeds into the whole "nothing really fits" note above.

    Finally, there's the issue of him being essentially a hybrid Saber/Foreigner/Assassin (with Presence Concealment having evolved into his dream walking abilities) with no downsides. Aside from me not fully understanding "why is this Li Bai," that's crazy good, especially if the intent was that he can supply his own mana while in the realm of dreams. He's another what I'm calling "six star servant." His base is interesting, it's a very well done sheet, but, much like the Nasuverse, it's terribly unbalanced, even to my fresh and still-learning eyes.
    Last edited by TheTruthWhale; May 16th, 2021 at 12:38 PM.

  10. #3570
    Local Extra Class Aficionado DelRey's Avatar
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    Li Bai: Interesting. Your first NP text code is broken btw.
    I am surprised to see you make a Foreigner, I am only aware of Ada Lovelace, which i hold in high regards. Did you make others? Just noticed you're one of those too who do not make blog posts to compile their creations, a shame.
    I see the connection you are going with for Cthulhu, but what was the motivation to take him? Did you try to find someone else?
    Because I think that a character like him would rather be connected to the Dreamlands. You could go the Kuranes route as well, besides Drugs, he couldve been a drunk too to reach that state. There are other gods in the Dreamlands, 'The gods of Earth', much lower authority that the other HPL nutjobs, but still from his feather. Not much is know about them, but because of that you could simply invent some stuff for them, as the Outer God is not really defining in the sheet outside of the concept of dreams. It would make Li Bai more unique as a 'Foreigner', while keeping his uniqueness as a 'Servant'.
    But I can understand if you did not go that route because it is just not well known.
    So, just to be clear, I like this sheet, just the Foreigner Nerd here has the curse of knowing all kinds of shit in the HPLverse.

    And we recently talked about the 'niches' and styles of creators here, we didnt talk about you, but I always thought your niche is your deep understanding of the characters by actually reading more than just wikipedia and other internet sites. I think that is really cool, because your sheets have a serene depth behind it. Like Li Bai. I like the inclusion of actual material in here like with your Aurelius sheet.

    @TheTruthWhale
    The thing with dream walking is that Servants do not dream under normal circumstance, like mentioned in the last Summer FGO event. So it is actually not that strong on servants except he can bring him in such a state, probably induced through the alcohol or his Eight Immortals of the Wine Cup skill. And things that happen in a Dream are not necessarily fatal for Servants, especially if they can avoid it by respective resistances.
    Regarding the 2nd NP, I think it can be expanded to sober up his allies too, making it a good party cleanse. So i personally do not think he is 6* candidate.
    Last edited by DelRey; May 16th, 2021 at 01:00 PM.
    "Let's see the color of your coin, my friend."



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    Where the Heavens and the Abyss breath the Music of Humanity.


    The King's duty is to provide. And provide, I shall.
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    Create-a-Servant 4 soon.

  11. #3571
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheTruthWhale View Post
    Severing Servant connections means surpassing the magic of the Greater Grail, and unless this guy is somehow Counter Force, that's a hard no. It breaks too much of the system.
    Isn't "severing Servant connections" just what Medea's Rule Breaker- only a C-ranked NP- does?

  12. #3572
    Maker of Poor Decisions and Massive Sheets TheTruthWhale's Avatar
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    Rule Breaker is specifically a divine artifact that doesn't so much sever connections between Master and Servant as it does completely unmake the Servant (or any magic it touches). It's also from the Age of Gods and lets her do other stuff, like steal Command Spells. So it's more transferring the link to herself than anything. And it's literally called "Rule Breaker."
    Last edited by TheTruthWhale; May 16th, 2021 at 12:49 PM.

  13. #3573
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheTruthWhale View Post
    Rule Breaker is specifically a divine artifact that doesn't so much sever connections between Master and Servant as it does completely unmake the Servant (or any magic it touches). It's also from the Age of Gods and lets her do other stuff, like steal Command Spells. So it's more transferring the link to herself than anything. And it's literally called "Rule Breaker."
    I'm just saying that if your point is an NP below EX-rank shouldn't be able to have such effects then it's worth noting there is a C-ranked NP that does basically that. Sure there's a fancy method and justification involved but the same can be said for NMR's sheet.

  14. #3574
    Local Extra Class Aficionado DelRey's Avatar
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    Like Fortuna explained just few posts before, NP ranks are basically inconsistent and without logic. dont sweat that stuff
    "Let's see the color of your coin, my friend."



    Behold my vault of Heroes.
    Where the Heavens and the Abyss breath the Music of Humanity.


    The King's duty is to provide. And provide, I shall.
    University of Formatting | Gallery of Potential | Memorandum of the Extra Class Kings

    Our Kingdom will grow. And we shall know each citizen.
    Create-a-Servant 4 soon.

  15. #3575
    Create History with the light even God doesn't know Der Ritter's Avatar
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    *cuts a persons arm off severing their connection to their Servant*
    Truly, this is a power surpassing the Holy Grail.

  16. #3576
    死徒(下級)Lesser Dead Apostle Vance's Avatar
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    "Sup."

    True Name: Shikome
    Class: Assassin
    Alt. Class: Lancer
    Region: Japan
    Source: Kojiki
    Alignment: Neutral Evil
    Likes: Food, relaxing
    Dislikes: Working, bright places, being called ugly
    Armament: Claws
    Natural Enemy: Izanagi-no-Mikoto

    Parameters:
    STR: B
    END: C
    AGI: A++
    MAG: B
    LCK: D

    Class Skills:

    Presence Concealment (Shade) A+
    A personalized variant of the normal Presence Concealment where one can only mute their presence in low light areas. As a natural resident of the land of darkness, Yomi, traversing through the darkness is an easy task for her. She blends quite easily into the inky shade, as if her place was always within its abyss.

    "Humans were always afraid of that little corner of blackness, concerned about what's in there. Well here's an answer. It's me. Watching over you from my little corner."

    Personal Skills:

    Divinity B
    A skill that denotes one aptitude as a Divine Spirit. At high levels, one is treated as a mixed race of a Divine Spirit, and the level declines when the Heroic Spirit's own rank as a Monster or Demonic Beast rises. Let it be known that Shikome herself doesn't naturally have divinity but because of her ingestion and subsequent metabolization of divine constructs belonging to the fleeing creation deity, Izanagi, she holds a substantial amount of Divinity for a monster like her.

    Pursuit A-
    A skill that marks one's ability to chase down a retreating foe. If to disengage is to reset the battlefield then to pursue is to lock it down and keep escalating. Counteracts Disengage of the same or lower rank thus keeping the battle conditions locked. Though will suffer a rank down due to the habits of the skill owner. She's come quite close to catching the fleeing god only to fail due to her stomach.

    Aptitude for Slaughter A+
    A Skill possessed by Heroic Spirits fitting the Assassin or Berserker classes. The servant gains a plus modifier in their damage dealt against humans. She physically carried out the will of Izanami, doing away with the lives of a thousand humans each day.

    Era Observation C
    A Skill that observes not humans, but the flow of the eras. Calculating the daily death toll of the humans that lived with the different periods of japan and routinely adjusting her kill quota of the day. That was her life on the overworld; a continuous cycle of massacring people. For a long time, not much else mattered.

    Noble Phantasm

    Yomotsu Shikome: Be Dragged Into The Tainted World Below Ours
    Rank: B+
    Type: Anti-Unit

    The noble phantasm of Assassin. It is one that summons 7 shadowy clones of herself, though they are significantly weaker, to track and chase down a selected target. It essentially reproduces the act of 8 Yomotsu Shikome chasing down and almost catching the Deity of Creation, despite the odds involved. Upon contact with the target, a shadow clone will disperse into their shadow, weighing and slowing them down. When all 7 shadow clones have made contact, the target is deprived of any and all ability to move. When Assassin herself comes into contact with the target, the effects of the noble phantasm are complete. She can drag the target into their shadow into another realm, with the shadow itself becoming something akin to a hole in the world. The realm itself is a limited reproduction of Yomi, the underworld of Japanese mythology. It is an environment that holds an atmospheric consistency resembling tar. Inexplicably inhospitable for humans, the realm taints all who linger within it, quickly and continually sapping their energy and eroding their bodies into tar like a divine curse being imposed onto them. It is simple to get rid of the taint as one just has to wash themselves with clean water to do away with it.


    Lore

    Assassin's true name is Shikome, a Yokai that appears in the tale where Izanagi descends into Yomi to retrieve his deceased wife. When Izanagi grew impatient to see his wife, he lit a tooth from his comb on fire and was met with the rotten visage of his wife. Horrified at the sight, he ran away towards the entrance to Yomi while Izanami sent Shikome, one of her fastest servants, to chase and drag him back to Yomi. Seeing Shikome quickly close in on him, he transformed his headband into a grapevine. When this happened, she became entranced with the grapevine, having nothing much in the way of food in Yomi, and ravenously ate it. Remembering that Izanagi was the one who made it, she pursued the god faster than before, much to his panic.

    He then proceeded to use more distractions like turning the teeth of his comb into bamboo shoots, which she also proceeded to devour. Lastly, he threw peaches from a tree at the entrance of Yomi as a final distraction before sealing the entrance with a rock, denying Shikome access to more peaches, oh, and trapping Izanami too. However, this was not the end. Somehow, due to ingesting the divine artifacts of Izanagi, Shikome had gained the ability to traverse into the upper world, among other things. Taking advantage of this, Izanami had sent her out to carry her mission of killing a thousand humans each day. There was nothing that could be said to reject this order lest Shikome loses her life. So she went out and killed, and killed, and killed. It was something harrowing that soon became a monotonous task, one she followed until her end.


    Personality

    A surprisingly lazy person for someone so fleet footed, Shikome is someone who only becomes truly motivated at the idea of one thing: food. The very sight of something to eat is enough to get her up and active so prospective masters will have to regularly bribe her with something to eat to get her to do things for them. Otherwise, she'll just laze around all day until food comes to her just like she did in the past. However, this is only a skin deep view of her. In reality, she has the gait of a person who finally gained the ability to stop. Centuries upon centuries of constant killing suddenly ceased with her summoning. There is no pressure for her to move, kill, or anything of the sort. A master who can recognize this would surely gain her loyalty.


    Creator's Note: Here's another revised work from me. This time for my shikome sheet. Tried to implement some different things for her and make it work. Also changed her FC to Yamada Tae!
    Last edited by Vance; May 16th, 2021 at 02:10 PM.

  17. #3577
    Maker of Poor Decisions and Massive Sheets TheTruthWhale's Avatar
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    Cutting off the arm doesn't actually do that, not even with Rule Breaker, but fair enough. I still think it's crazy strong.

  18. #3578
    Local Extra Class Aficionado DelRey's Avatar
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    Morg, is there a certain merchant or trader of sorts in the Arthurian legend? I play with the thought of perhaps compiling a list of people that were target on Outer Gods interest like Hastur, but I dont know if I can find candidates in Camelot

    Shikome: I didnt know those beings had a name. It is a nice interpretation of that is just a demon that chased a god. I especially like her NP, it is pretty scary
    Last edited by DelRey; May 16th, 2021 at 02:45 PM.
    "Let's see the color of your coin, my friend."



    Behold my vault of Heroes.
    Where the Heavens and the Abyss breath the Music of Humanity.


    The King's duty is to provide. And provide, I shall.
    University of Formatting | Gallery of Potential | Memorandum of the Extra Class Kings

    Our Kingdom will grow. And we shall know each citizen.
    Create-a-Servant 4 soon.

  19. #3579
    祖 Ancestor NMR-3's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheTruthWhale View Post
    @NMR:

    So, ancient Chinese poetry is dope as hell, and you did a good job finding it. I have a couple of things, though. The first and probably biggest is "why Cthulhu?" Li Bai, to me at least, shares almost nothing with the Great Old One or his cults other than a few poems about dreams. The second is more a comment about balance. He has a lot of skills, which I'm not terribly against, but they don't really fit together? For example, without Independent Action, his ability to walk through dreams is extremely limited, and if the intent was to combine them, nigh unstoppable dream walking should probably be a Noble Phantasm of some sort, since he's essentially causing a psyche break in the subconscious.

    Then there are the NPs themselves. Drinking Alone With the Moon should definitely be EX rank. Severing Servant connections means surpassing the magic of the Greater Grail, and unless this guy is somehow Counter Force, that's a hard no. It breaks too much of the system. Also I could see "freedom from life" being applied with how it's worded, meaning it could probably be an instant kill on top of already being essentially an instant kill for Servants that don't have Independent Action or Manifestation. Quiet Night Thought seems also really weak for an A rank. Insanity offers natural resistance to the effects that it would dispell anyway, so it really feels like his most known work is the weakest thing he's got. That kind of feeds into the whole "nothing really fits" note above.

    Finally, there's the issue of him being essentially a hybrid Saber/Foreigner/Assassin (with Presence Concealment having evolved into his dream walking abilities) with no downsides. Aside from me not fully understanding "why is this Li Bai," that's crazy good, especially if the intent was that he can supply his own mana while in the realm of dreams. He's another what I'm calling "six star servant." His base is interesting, it's a very well done sheet, but, much like the Nasuverse, it's terribly unbalanced, even to my fresh and still-learning eyes.
    Thanks for the feedback! You've got a very good point about basically everything.

    First, "why Cthulhu", which @DelRey also raised -- I couldn't find an Elder One that actually has anything to do with drunkenness. That being the case, I fell back on the theme of dreams instead. I'd considered Mnomquah but for reasons I can't actually recall I felt it didn't quite fit either. I went with Cthulhu in the end because its associations with dreaming and water were the best I'd get, or so I presumed. Warmly awaiting any suggestions for what else to bind Li Bai to that fits the drunkenness better.

    As to the NPs and "balance", does it make me sound like an idiot if I admit that I hadn't quite considered those problems? I'll probably remove the associations with dreaming in favour of something more Daoism-focused for the third skill. For Drinking Alone with the Moon I'll have to carefully consider what can be severed instead of the connection between Master and Servant. I might make it a partial severing so that the Master can't supply as much energy anymore, which seems more fair. And let the binding be restored eventually, I suppose; that also leaves a possible plot hook should I ever actually get back to writing full-length fanfics. Same goes for Quiet Night's Thought, which I'll retool. The party-wide idea that DelRey suggested seems like a good start, although you're also correct that it having the same niche as Insanity ought to be addressed somehow.

    Quote Originally Posted by DelRey View Post
    Li Bai: Interesting. Your first NP text code is broken btw.
    I am surprised to see you make a Foreigner, I am only aware of Ada Lovelace, which i hold in high regards. Did you make others? Just noticed you're one of those too who do not make blog posts to compile their creations, a shame. (...)

    And we recently talked about the 'niches' and styles of creators here, we didnt talk about you, but I always thought your niche is your deep understanding of the characters by actually reading more than just wikipedia and other internet sites. I think that is really cool, because your sheets have a serene depth behind it. Like Li Bai. I like the inclusion of actual material in here like with your Aurelius sheet.
    I also made Dante Alighieri (which got thorough criticism on Spacebattles by Menwearpink that I really need to get around to replying one of these days) and Charles VI of France. I haven't made a blog because... well, mostly laziness, to be frank. I'll get on that.

    Yeah, I try to go at least a little beyond just looking stuff up on Wikipedia. Doesn't feel like I'm doing it properly, otherwise. It's nice to hear it shows through!
    The Adventure of the Velvet Room (Sherlock Holmes/Persona) (SB, FFN, AO3)

    Blog with all of my Servants so far.

  20. #3580
    Maker of Poor Decisions and Massive Sheets TheTruthWhale's Avatar
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    @Vance:

    Is that the Legendary Tae Yamada herself? How could you make such a precious girl like that into a demon?!

    Jokes aside, I like everything about her. The noble phantasm is a great nod to the legend and Akatsuki both.

    @NMR:

    I look forward to seeing what you do with it. Severing the flow of mana between them, allowing it to recover, seems way better to me.

    EDIT: Now I kinda want to try my hand at Izanami. Between Vance and P4G, that drive grows.
    Last edited by TheTruthWhale; May 16th, 2021 at 02:25 PM.

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