Gun manufacturer as Caster, huh? Reminds me a bit of a Colt sheet Christemo put up once (before he got banned), in fact I confused the two upon first reading this (not too familiar with different gun manufacturers). Seems pretty good, probably too modern for a canon HS but it's not like I care for such things. Good use of Edison's Concept Improvement and Mass Production Skills.
Gunsmith's Legacy is a fitting, if simple, choice of NP. When you describe it as "Gate Of Babylon with firearms" does that mean he could summon all his guns at once and open fire with them simultaneously? If he had enough guns in stock that could actually be pretty powerful. The mention of its effectiveness varying depending on the gun laws of where's he summoned means that he would definitely not be a good Servant in the Fuyuki Holy Grail War(s), since Japan has some of the strictest gun laws in the world (unless his Master is part of the Yakuza or something that can smuggle stuff in).
The way I first envisioned the NP, no; Browning would not be able to go AUO on his opponents. He (or somebody else if they got ahold of one of his guns) would have to be physically pulling the trigger. As for his recency, I figured that since Babbage, Tesla, Edison, Blavatsky, Billy, and Li were able to make the cut, this guy could potentially squeeze his way in too. *shrugs*
Originally Posted by ZSB1999
Interesting servant sheet (of course the whole "Whaa, he's too young to be a Servant, Whaa" but other than that I don't see any problems). The only thing that I could recommend is maybe adding onto the Item Construction skill, as I am a bit unsure whether or not he can actually create more ammo and better guns during the Grail War or if he would just buy more. Also you might want to add something about magically enhancing weapons made by him personally, so that the guns would be able to hurt servants. Also theoretically, could he build up his own personal army of humans in the city that he is summoned in, and give them all weapons that are able to kill servants? If so the enemy servants had better watch out.
I had assumed that the guns he starts with would be able to hurt Servants by default (similar to Drake, Nobu, and Billy's weapons). I guess that could use clarification. He can make more weapons and ammo on his own (pretty much the point of the skill), but in terms of convenience, he probably would just get his Master to break the bank. And yes, if he can get around the masquerade and not get the MA or the Church going after his head, he can quickly build up a personal army.
Last edited by Constructman; April 17th, 2016 at 04:21 PM.
Madness Enhancement (A+): All parameters are ranked up, but Berserker's sanity is gone, to
the point where he is merely a mindless killing machine. Berserker was cursed with madness
after killing the Apis Bull, the most sacred of all animals in Egypt.
Personal Skills
Military Tactics (C): Raises the effectiveness of Anti-Army Noble Phantasms and reduces
damage taken from Anti-Army Noble Phantasms. Berserker is known for expanding the Persian
Empire into Egypt and taking over as Pharaoh, something few in history have done.
Enmity of the Gods (A): Indicates a sour relationship with divinity. Berserker gains a Rank-up
to attacks against those connected to the gods of Egypt, but suffers a Rank-down to LCK in the
process. In addition, due to his unique circumstances, his Madness Enhancement gains a + modifier
during and for a short time after the engagement.
Noble Phantasms
Lost Army~Burial of the Sands (B, Anti-Army)
During his occupation of Egypt, Berserker sent an army of 50,000 men to capture the Oracle of Amun
at the Siwa Oasis. However, a sandstorm sprang up and buried the entire army. The legend of the
lost army has become synonymous with the region and allows Berserker to use it a combination of
the two as his primary offensive ability. Upon activation, Berserker is surrounded by a whirling
vortex of sand, growing larger and larger the longer a fight goes on. The sand scours the area,
and combined by the high winds that propel it, it can strip the flesh off of bones if Berserker
is allowed to build up a sufficient volume and speed. The second function of this Noble Phantasm
is the ability of Berserker to end the raging storm and coalescing the sand into individual soldiers
that defend Berserker and attack any enemies in the area. Though weak compared to Servants, their
strength lies in their numbers and their ability to reform almost instantly using any sand in the area.
Apis~Disc of the Sun (B-, Anti-Unit)
Upon killing the Apis Bull, the aspect and herald of Ptah that served as an intermediary between the
Egyptian gods and humans, Berserker took the sun-disc on its head, which was granted to the bull by
Hathor. He plundered the disc to use as his shield. Brighter than the most polished bronze, it shines
blinding light in front of Berserker and emits a searing heat upon invocation. However, since it is a
stolen artifact, it will not stand up to articles of sun deities used by their rightful owners.
Pelusium~Appropriated Defenses (B, Support)
A representation of Berserker's clever victory over the city of Pelusium. Knowing that the Egyptians
held certain animals such as cats as sacred and would not harm them for any reason, he commanded his
troops to carry cats and other sacred animals and emblazon their shields and armor with images of them.
The Egyptians did not dare shoot the animals for fear of killing them, and so Pelusium was stormed and
the Pharaoh was captured. This allows Berserker to imprint any image onto his armor in order to stop
attacks from those who would not willingly attack the actual object or being. This is a mental interference
effect, and can be quite versatile depending on an enemy's code of conduct or beliefs. For example, it
can be a specific creature such as a cat, or it can be more abstract such as an defenseless, unarmed
opponent. Obviously, this will have no effect against those with no qualms about killing anything.
Background
Cambyses II was the son of Cyrus the Great and the second King of the Persian Empire. After Cyrus'
conquests of the eastern lands, Cambyses expanded into Egypt, defeating the Pharoah Psamtik III.
After capturing Egypt, reports came of a usurper to the throne masquerading as his dead sibling,
Bardiya. Cambyses attempted to march against them, but died due to a curse put on him by the
Egyptian gods. At the beginning of the campaign, he killed the Apis Bull by stabbing it in the
thigh. When he mounted his horse to leave Egypt, the tip of his scabbard broke and his sword
pierced his thigh. He then died of gangrene in the wound eleven days later. Since Bardiya was
already dead, his lance-bearer Darius I became king after killing the usurper Gaumata.
Last edited by Funderfullness; April 17th, 2016 at 05:05 PM.
"We don't need martyrs right now. We need heroes. A hero would die for his country, but he'd much rather live for it." -Josiah Bartlet
That's El Cid, huh? Where's the picture from, some online game or something?
I actually thought it might've been a genderbent Ruby Rose... *shot*
Do you see a scythe... or modern clothing?
Then there's the thing regarding me hating RWBY...
Originally Posted by JetKinen
It's just some pixiv fantasia character.
- - - Updated - - -
Amaranth writes a fanfic and uses that picture as faceclaim for his El Cid servant.
Yes and... sort of... It's both for a fanfic and as inspiration for original fiction...
Originally Posted by Arha
It's just katakana under the picture, which are pretty easy to read even for a novice.
Originally Posted by Lycodrake
I'm taking an intro-level Japanese course this semester, which includes learning to read "moonrunes", yes.
I really need to go back and try to learn the Hiragana, Kana and Kanji... I had it easy by learning through Romaji...
Originally Posted by RoydGolden
In that case, are all the characters shown in his signature other Servants from his fic? Or just the one?
Also ZSB, pardon me if this is off-topic but, since you said your Mighty Men sheets are comparable to Samson in terms of fighting power it makes me wonder how they'd do against my very own Samson sheet (assuming they somehow fought, since otherwise they'd be on the same side).
If you want the genuine explanation... they are not Servants per se. They are the reincarnation of heroes. They differ in appearance, but their powers are the same as those of the originals and in a way, they are the original. This means that they are stronger than their Heroic Spirit variants and probably look similar, but not the same (to those who remember that "fanservicey" normal Saber design, that'd fit one of the characters). The original fiction concept is just reincarnated heroes superior to their predecessors because of the accrued experience they've had through reincarnations.
So you have, Fernan Gonzalez, Nuada, El Cid, Roland and Napoleon in that order over there... the reincarnation part also justifies the genderbending that in Nasuverse often goes without explanation...
If you want the genuine explanation... they are not Servants per se. They are the reincarnation of heroes. They differ in appearance, but their powers are the same as those of the originals and in a way, they are the original. This means that they are stronger than their Heroic Spirit variants and probably look similar, but not the same (to those who remember that "fanservicey" normal Saber design, that'd fit one of the characters). The original fiction concept is just reincarnated heroes superior to their predecessors because of the accrued experience they've had through reincarnations.
So you have, Fernan Gonzalez, Nuada, El Cid, Roland and Napoleon in that order over there... the reincarnation part also justifies the genderbending that in Nasuverse often goes without explanation...
So it's original fiction then, and not a fanfic. That's actually really interesting, and I'd love to see where you could go with the concept. Do you have it published anywhere here, by any chance? And since it's (Fate flavored) original fiction, you could even have it published professionally someday. (Hey, if Twilight can...)
Anyways, here's another Servant I cooked up in the last half hour or so. Hope you like him!
Servant Berserker:
True Name: William T. Sherman
Alignment: Lawful Neutral
Alternate Class: Rider
Strength- C
Agility- C
Endurance- B+
Mana- E
Luck- B-
NP- A
Equipment: A Cival War era rifle, equiped with a large bayonet.
Appearance: A tall, well-built man well into his middle ages, with a thick beard and combed back, slightly spiky dark hair. Clad in a uniform of the American Union. His appearance has been greatly distorted by his Innocent Monster Personal Skill. His skin is charred and blackened, cut across by veins of magma and his beard appears to be made entirely of writhing flames. His uniform is also blackened and singed around the edges, to the point of being almost unrecognizable.
Personality: Seeking to end conflicts as quickly as possible by whatever means necessary, it is likely that his original personality was somewhat similiar to a certain Kiritsugu Emiya. But Mad Enhancement (combined with Innocent Monster) have distorted that personality beyond recognition. He has become in earnest what he is remembered as in American culture, a mindless brute who rampaged rather then fought, an inhuman force who burnt down everything in his path.
His human nature has been wholly scattered, and nothing remains except a desire for destruction, perverting the memory of a once-honorable war hero. The man known as William T. Sherman is at no doubt a victim of the popular mentality. It is possible for him to regain some semblance of his reason before dying, upon which he will likely lament the fate imposed upon him by his Master and the Grail War, wishing only for a world without war where nobody has to suffer or be oppressed.
Likes: nothing (since he is Mad Enhanced)
Dislikes: nothing (since he is Mad Enhanced)
Talent: wholesale destruction
Natural Enemy: John B. Hood
Class Skills:
Mad Enhancement (D)- Rank-Up to Strength and Endurance, in exchange for losing the ability to form complex thoughts. Though his rank is low, combined with his Innocent Monster Personal Skill, most of his human nature has been scattered to the point where he is unrecognizable as his former self.
Personal Skills:
Military Tactics (C+)- Ability to lead, and manuever an army upon the battlefield. A famous Union general in the Civil War, his knowledge of military strategems is so engrained into him as to be usable even under the effects of Mad Enhancement.
Innocent Monster (B)- Nature of one whose legend has been falsely distorted by history. Berserker's very name has been made synonymous with visions of fire and smoke, destruction and desolation.
Dread Visage (A)- Ability to inspire fear in others through one's form. Berserker pioneered what is now known as 'shock and awe tactics', striking fear into enemies through an overwhelming display of force. He is rightly called the American father of total warfare, a harbinger of the psychological tactics of the next century.
Noble Phantasm:
Sherman Tank- Namesake Of The Great General (C+, Anti-Team): Formally known as 'M4 Sherman', it is the most numerous battle tank used by America and Western allies during World War II. Though invented decades after his death, its ties with Berserker's identity allow him to summon the vehicle as a Noble Phantasm. From a mundane tank, its existence has been conflated with Sherman's own legend- resulting in a distortion effect akin to Innocent Monster.
The metal itself is blackened as if by fire, even to the point of appearing partially melted in parts (though this is a purely visual effect, not impeding its functionality in any way). Prominent cracks run all along its structure, pulsing with volcanic energy. Far from being a mere vehicle, it gives the impression of being almost alive- a demonic beast of fire and steel. Shots from the tank's central mortar turret carry the same firey attribute (manifesting as chunks of molten rock detonating in firey explosions upon impact), while the ground beneath its treads is left blackened and burnt, like the aftermath of a volcanic eruption.
Normally Berserker could not be expected to operate a tank, since such a vehicle did not exist in his lifetime. But since it is 'Sherman's tank' he is naturally attuned to it and can pilot the vehicle with ease as if it were simply an extension of his own body.
Burning Of Atlanta- March To The Sea (A, Anti-City): A Noble Phantasm embodying the most (in)famous act in Berserker's military career. Upon sieging the Southern city of Atlanta, he ordered his men to burn the entire thing to the ground. This was no act of senseless destruction, but intended to convey one simple truth to the Confederates- These are the consequences for resisting us.
Regardless of his intentions, the outcome was undeniable. The entire city of Atlanta was brought down to a smoldering crater, leaving only about 400 buildings left standing. Black smoke hung like a pall over the ruined city, which had been completely desolated with fields charred, railtracks mangled and supply stocks incinerated. To the Southerners, it must have been a vision straight out of Hell itself.
As a Noble Phantasm, it allows him to call forth those very flames which reduced Atlanta city to cinders. When its True Name is invoked, shadowy familiars clad in Union uniforms appear and begin marching across the landscape in all directions, spreading flames wherever they go. These flames cannot be put out through normal means, and will in fact burn 'anything' including water, spiritual beings, even magical energy itself. Given enough time, an area up to the size of a large city can be reduced to a desolate waste devoid of life, for which nothing can grow for a time of up to a hundred years. Sherman did not merely destroy Atlanta, but render the natural environment around it totally inhospitable, fatally crippling the South's supply lines. Once invoked formally, the spread of these fires cannot be halted by anything save for Berserker's own demise.
Even without invoking it, the fires which burnt down Atlanta have been sublimated into Berserker's very being, and can be infused into his limbs or weapon for an effect similar to Mana Burst (Flames). These flames have the same properties as described above, only obviously at a far more limited scope.
As you can see, I had to take quite a few liberties to make him eligible for the Berserker Class. But I think I justified it with his Innocent Monster Skill. Had a lot of fun designing his appearance, since the aforementioned Skill allowed me to basically go hog-wild. What, you think Grand Order's got a monopoly on crazy designs? (Looking at you, Edison)
I could easily imagine this guy fitting into a War featuring Servants all from American history/mythology, alongside Squanto and Columbus (even though the last one's not technically American).
As always, be sure to drop by with comments and criticisms!
Last edited by RoydGolden; June 27th, 2016 at 12:52 PM.
So it's original fiction then, and not a fanfic. That's actually really interesting, and I'd love to see where you could go with the concept. Do you have it published anywhere here, by any chance? And since it's (Fate flavored) original fiction, you could even have it published professionally someday. (Hey, if Twilight can...)
Anyways, here's another Servant I cooked up in the last half hour or so. Hope you like him!
Servant Berserker:
True Name: William T. Sherman
Alignment: Lawful Neutral
Strength- C
Agility- C
Endurance- B+
Mana- E
Luck- B-
NP- A
Equipment: A Cival War era rifle, equiped with a large bayonet.
Appearance: A tall, well-built man well into his middle ages, with a thick beard and combed back, slightly spiky dark hair. Clad in a uniform of the American Union. His appearance has been greatly distorted by his Innocent Monster Personal Skill. His skin is charred and blackened, cut across by veins of magma and his beard appears to be made entirely of writhing flames. His uniform is also blackened and singed around the edges, to the point of being almost unrecognizable.
Personality: Seeking to end conflicts as quickly as possible by whatever means necessary, it is likely that his original personality was somewhat similiar to a certain Emiya Kiritsugu. But Mad Enhancement (combined with Innocent Monster) have distorted that personality beyond recognition. He has become in earnest what he is remembered as in American culture, a mindless brute who rampaged rather then fought, an inhuman force who burnt down everything in his path.
His human nature has been wholly scattered, and nothing remains except a desire for destruction, perverting the memory of a once-honorable war hero. The man known as William T. Sherman is at no doubt a victim of the popular mentality. It is possible for him to regain some semblance of his reason before dying, upon which he will likely lament the fate imposed upon him by his Master and the Grail War, wishing only for a world without war where nobody has to suffer or be oppressed.
Likes: nothing (since he is Mad Enhanced)
Dislikes: nothing (since he is Mad Enhanced)
Talent: wholesale destruction
Natural Enemy: John B. Hood
Class Skills:
Mad Enhancement (D)- Rank-Up to Strength and Endurance, in exchange for losing the ability to form complex thoughts. Though his rank is low, combined with his Innocent Monster Personal Skill, most of his human nature has been scattered to the point where he is unrecognizable as his former self.
Personal Skills:
Military Tactics (C+)- Ability to lead, and manuever an army upon the battlefield. A famous Union general in the Civil War, his knowledge of military strategems is so engrained into him as to be usable even under the effects of Mad Enhancement.
Innocent Monster (B)- Nature of one whose legend has been falsely distorted by history. Berserker's very name has been made synonymous with visions of fire and smoke, destruction and desolation.
Dread Visage (A)- Ability to inspire fear in others through one's form. Berserker pioneered what is now known as 'shock and awe tactics', striking fear into enemies through an overwhelming display of force. He is rightly called the American father of total warfare, a harbinger of the psychological tactics of the next century.
Noble Phantasm:
Burning Of Atlanta- March To The Sea (A, Anti-City): A Noble Phantasm embodying the most (in)famous act in Berserker's military career. Upon sieging the Southern city of Atlanta, he ordered his men to burn the entire thing to the ground. This was no act of senseless destruction, but intended to convey one simple truth to the Confederates- These are the consequences for resisting us.
Regardless of his intentions, the outcome was undeniable. The entire city of Atlanta was brought down to a smoldering crater, leaving only about 400 buildings left standing. Black smoke hung like a pall over the ruined city, which had been completely desolated with fields charred, railtracks mangled and supply stocks incinerated. To the Southerners, it must have been a vision straight out of Hell itself.
As a Noble Phantasm, it allows him to call forth those very flames which reduced Atlanta city to cinders. When its True Name is invoked, shadowy familiars clad in Union uniforms appear and begin marching across the landscape in all directions, spreading flames wherever they go. These flames cannot be put out through normal means, and will in fact burn 'anything' including water, spiritual beings and even magical energy itself. Given enough time, an area up to the size of a large city can be reduced to a desolate waste devoid of life, for which nothing can grow for a time of up to a hundred years. Sherman did not merely destroy Atlanta, but render the natural environment around it totally inhospitable, fatally crippling the South's supply lines. Once invoked formally, the spread of these fires cannot be halted by anything save for Berserker's own demise.
Even without invoking it, the fires which burnt down Atlanta have been sublimated into Berserker's very being, and can be infused into his limbs or weapon for an effect similar to Mana Burst (Flames). These flames have the same properties as described above, only obviously at a far more limited scope.
As you can see, I had to take quite a few liberties to make him eligible for the Berserker Class. But I think I justified it with his Innocent Monster Skill. Had a lot of fun designing his appearance, since the aforementioned Skill allowed me to basically go hog-wild. What, you think Grand Order's got a monopoly on crazy designs? (Looking at you, Edison)
I could easily imagine this guy fitting into a War featuring Servants all from American history/mythology, alongside Squanto and Columbus (even though the last one's not technically American).
As always, be sure to drop by with comments and criticisms!
That is the plan. My story will be to Nasuverse what Percy Jackson is to DxD and Campione...
You quoted my entire post just to address the part at the very top? Seems a bit unnecessary, IMO. Do you have anything to say regarding my Sherman sheet? (I'd appreciate feedback)
Originally Posted by Amaranth
That is the plan. My story will be to Nasuverse what Percy Jackson is to DxD and Campione...
Sounds cool. I'll probably try and give it a read once I get done with this post. It'd be certainly interesting to see a more westernized, Urban Fantasy take on the 'Fate' concept. I also happen to be working on a heavily anime-inspired (not any particular series, but shonen and LNs generally) original fiction story, though I haven't posted anything related to it up here (or anywhere) for reasons of privacy.
You quoted my entire post just to address the part at the very top? Seems a bit unnecessary, IMO. Do you have anything to say regarding my Sherman sheet? (I'd appreciate feedback)
So... more kid-friendly and less 'anime'?
Sounds cool. I'll probably try and give it a read once I get done with this post. It'd be certainly interesting to see a more westernized, Urban Fantasy take on the 'Fate' concept. I also happen to be working on a heavily anime-inspired (not any particular series, but shonen and LNs generally) original fiction story, though I haven't posted anything related to it up here (or anywhere) for reasons of privacy.
I missed that...
I wholeheartedly expect the aptly named Sherman tank though! Who cares about time. The legend matters more! That said, I feel the rank of city destroying attacks should at least be A+ it sounds pretty powerful, but it fits him better.
Not sure about the kid friendly part. While the ending is pretty light and "happily ever after" and there are no hero deaths and few deaths as a whole and even less gore, there's lots of illegal stuff like underage drinking, concealing and using firearms, street races, illegal immigration, hacking and a plethora of sexual content (albeit rather discreet).
I'd have to know at least a bit on what your story is all about though. I know mine will have some anime influence namely because of the harem aspect of the story and some H stuff, but besides that, it's pretty much "the historical side" of what Uncle Rick has been trying to do with the PJO books... It's also the more idealistic, heroic side of the Nasuverse... so to speak... the glamourous side of heroism Shirou expected...
I wholeheartedly expect the aptly named Sherman tank though! Who cares about time. The legend matters more! That said, I feel the rank of city destroying attacks should at least be A+ it sounds pretty powerful, but it fits him better.
Hmm. Sherman tank would definitely be anachronistic, and even if he could have it as an NP it would be as Rider (not Berserker). Might add Rider as an alternate Class of his with that in mind, though (as Rider he'd be a totally different Servant, reflecting how he was in life rather then what his legend was falsely distorted into). I considered having Burning Of Atlanta at A+, but decided not everything needs a + modifier to be powerful, and besides Thracean Whip (NP for my Lycurgus of Thrace sheet; which has similar Mana pillaging, landscape desolating effects) is ranked only B+.
Originally Posted by Amaranth
Not sure about the kid friendly part. While the ending is pretty light and "happily ever after" and there are no hero deaths and few deaths as a whole and even less gore, there's lots of illegal stuff like underage drinking, concealing and using firearms, street races, illegal immigration, hacking and a plethora of sexual content (albeit rather discreet).
I'd have to know at least a bit on what your story is all about though. I know mine will have some anime influence namely because of the harem aspect of the story and some H stuff, but besides that, it's pretty much "the historical side" of what Uncle Rick has been trying to do with the PJO books... It's also the more idealistic, heroic side of the Nasuverse... so to speak... the glamourous side of heroism Shirou expected...
I've read your story as it's posted on Fanfiction.net. It seemed quite promising, if a bit rough around the edges in parts (expected since it's a WIP). I have more to say, but I'll leave that for a PM I'm going to be sending you after I finish up this post. I'm a big fan of Riordan (in the middle of reading Magnus Chase And The Gods Of Asgard, as a matter of fact) so I can definitely appreciate what you're trying to do here.
Might PM you some of the details of my story at some point in the future, though I'd have to think it over first (you'd have to promise not to tell anyone else, for one thing).
Last edited by RoydGolden; April 18th, 2016 at 12:00 AM.
If you want the genuine explanation... they are not Servants per se. They are the reincarnation of heroes. They differ in appearance, but their powers are the same as those of the originals and in a way, they are the original. This means that they are stronger than their Heroic Spirit variants and probably look similar, but not the same (to those who remember that "fanservicey" normal Saber design, that'd fit one of the characters). The original fiction concept is just reincarnated heroes superior to their predecessors because of the accrued experience they've had through reincarnations.
So you have, Fernan Gonzalez, Nuada, El Cid, Roland and Napoleon in that order over there... the reincarnation part also justifies the genderbending that in Nasuverse often goes without explanation...
Isn't there a group of villains in Highschool DxD that are basically the same thing as your characters?
Mmm, according to google/the wiki they're the descendants of the heroes, not the reincarnations. So never mind, I guess.
Originally Posted by Amaranth
Not sure about the kid friendly part. While the ending is pretty light and "happily ever after" and there are no hero deaths and few deaths as a whole and even less gore, there's lots of illegal stuff like underage drinking, concealing and using firearms, street races, illegal immigration, hacking and a plethora of sexual content (albeit rather discreet).
I'd have to know at least a bit on what your story is all about though. I know mine will have some anime influence namely because of the harem aspect of the story and some H stuff, but besides that, it's pretty much "the historical side" of what Uncle Rick has been trying to do with the PJO books... It's also the more idealistic, heroic side of the Nasuverse... so to speak... the glamourous side of heroism Shirou expected...
All of the things you mentioned already make me hate the story, to be honest.
Still, other people might like it so go ahead and write it, man.
Isn't there a group of villains in Highschool DxD that are basically the same thing as your characters?
Mmm, according to google/the wiki they're the descendants of the heroes, not the reincarnations. So never mind, I guess.
All of the things you mentioned already make me hate the story, to be honest.
Still, other people might like it so go ahead and write it, man.
Yeah... similar but not the same, though trying to meld both is apparently a horrible idea...
After reading some reviews for the fanfic that uses the characters, I realized some people just don't like "Noblebright" stories like the ones I create. I just can't stand grim stuff. It's one of the reasons I despise Dark Souls...
Cambyses II - The stats are well rounded for a Berserker with most around B it works as of his 3 Noble Phantasms. Enmity of the Gods adds a lot of flavour. I'm fond of the first Noble Phantasm as forming soldiers from a sandstorm of mine makes for sense than the generic army summon which is very flavourful. I like the second one but it's more suited towards him if he were a shielder. If ya wanna keep it, seal some of its properties as that's what happened to Achilles as a rider with his spear and shield weakened. The third i am indifferent to but that's just my taste.
Sherman - Lavaman appearance aside, he seems ok (still better than Edison) The original purpose of the class was to strengthen weaker servants and with your reasoning for the NP's he is better as a Berserker than Rider. Dread Visage is a very fitting skill. He would definitely work in a war of American servants.
---
I'm looking forward to El Cid there aren't many Spanish servants in the OP
Magic Resistance (B) - Cancel spells with a chant below three verses. Even if targeted by High-Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals, it is difficult for them to be affected.
Personal Skills:
Bravery (B) - The ability to negate mental interference such as pressure, confusion and fascination.
Divinity (C/D) - The measure of whether one has Divine Spirit aptitude or not. At high levels one is treated as a mixed race of a Divine Spirit, and the level declines when the Heroic Spirit's own rank as a Monster, Demonic Beast raises. It can also decrease due one's dislike for the gods. It also has an effect which reduces special defensive values called "purge defense" in proportion to the Divinity's Rank. It can break through Skills such as Protection of the Faith and Enlightenment of the Sacred Fig. A child of Ares, the Greek god of war. Although a demigod, she does not view herself as worthy, decreasing her rank.
Mystic Face (C) - Inherent of one's facial features which is cast as soon as the target look at the user's face. Effects are similar to those of Charm-type Mystic Eyes affecting those who are naturally attracted to females.
Projectiles (Javelins) (B) - The expertise for throwing projectile weapons. A single thrown weapon can destroy vehicles and even brick walls.
Noble Phantasm
Amazoníou Fálanga Wrath of the Grieving Queen (Anti-Team) (B) - Taking 12 loyal amazons, Penthesilea stood against the Greeks. As such, this Noble Phantasm has become one that represents standing against tremendous odds, even if victory is impossible. Upon activating her spear - the manifestation of her legend , Penthesilea is able to channel the collective fury of her fallen soldiers, and attack enemies in her moderate vicinity. Creating twelve figures made up of pale mist, they appear before the enemy and strike within half a second. The more figures created, the greater the mana cost.
The Brand of Themiscrya Passion of Love and War (Anti-Self) (C) - Amazonians placed a red hot iron against their babies right breast so the body would put more strength into the right arm instead of growth. This Noble Phantasm represents the Amazons sacrifice of physical pain for greater power. As Penthesilea takes more damage and vitality decreases, her physical strength and speed increases. As such she is most powerful and ferocious at deaths door.
Lore
An Amazonian queen in Greek mythology, the daughter of Ares and Otrera and the sister of Hippolyta. She was renowned for her skill, bravery and intellect. Her favourite pass time was hunting but during this she became somewhat overzealous. Penthesilea had accidently killed her sister and queen Hippolyta with a spear when they were hunting deer. Hippolyta was very dear to her heart and this accident consumed her with grief and self-loathing. Penthesilea became suicidal but; as a warrior and an Amazon, she had to do so perish honourably and in battle, anything less would be an insult to her sister. She therefore was easily convinced to join in the Trojan War, fighting on the side of Troy's defenders. She promised she would slay the great Achilles in battle to the Trojans and Hippolyta to redeem herself.
Penthesilea arrived in Troy following Hector's death and funeral. She arrived with twelve companions and promised the Trojans that she would kill Achilles. On her first and only day of fighting, Penthesilea charged into battle with twelve loyal amazons warriors and decimated the Greek forces. She sought out the strongest warrior on the battlefield at the time; Telamonian Ajax. They fought for a long time with no clear victor, proving herself his equal. Having been weakened, he retreated, knowing Achiles stood the best - and possibly only chance of beating her. Achilles stormed across the battlefield to face the exhausted woman in full capacity.
Due to Achilles invincibility, she could not effectively harm him and was forced on the defence. Taking advantage of this, he landed a lethal blow. The rash and immature warrior started insulting her corpse until he saw he had knocked her helmet off and saw her face. Achilles fell in love with her after witnessing her beauty and cried tears of remorse and regret. His lieutenant Thersites taunted him over falling in love an act which caused Achilles to kill him on the spot. Diomedes, cousin of Thersites in revenge stole Penthesilea's corpse and dragged it behind his chariot and into a river. Her body was recovered by one of her Amazonian warriors and given a proper burial. All but one of Penthesilea's warriors died in battle, who like many other heroes of the Trojan war, sailed to Italy.
Although a fierce and courageous warrior, Penthesilea's entire life was one tragedy after another. As such although she may give off the façade of a hot-blooded and passionate warrior, she is a deeply depressed woman who struggles with her self-loathing and continued morning of her beloved sister Hippolyta. Although she boasts of being the greatest woman in the Trojan war and all she desires is to face Ajax and Achilles on equal terms to prove her might, her true wish is to undo the manslaughter of Hippolyta and be reunited with the woman who was both family and her best friend.
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As i heard nothing on Percival, I thought I'd go back to tragic Lancers. Hippolyta was the only Amazon I had heard of until I came across Penthesilea and boy, her life was just a conga-line of humiliation and tragedy. As usual, any feedback would be greatly appreciated!
Last edited by Bird of Hermes; May 8th, 2016 at 04:42 AM.
Reason: Image embeding
Once again another interesting sheet from Hermes. The only thing that I have to critique on is that maybe you could add the fact that mystic face only effects those of the opposite gender (or those who are naturally attracted to females, I don't judge). Because Diarmuid's face only seemed to effect women and he's the only one that has had the skill Mystic Face. And sorry about the Percival Sheet.
For Diarmuid, those who were attracted to him were able to shrug if off apart from Sola-Ui who had no Magic Resistance. And don't worry about Percival, I can't expect to hear about everything (there have been a few occasions I miss commenting on some sheets so its fine.)
Percival is fine, really. The only thing of real note is that Improvised Combatant is basically Lancelot's Knight of Honour except a Skill instead of an NP.
Originally Posted by The Bird of Hermes
Penthesilea
I've seen quite a few Penthesilea sheets, I even attempted to make on myself, and I think this is the first one I've seen that hasn't given her an NP based on her killing Hippolyta.
Props for the Projectiles skill, though. Not very many people actually use that, even if it probably would be appropriate.
Class: Caster True Name: Mary the Jewess Alignment: Neutral Good Attribute: Earth
STR: E END: D AGI: C MGI: A+ LCK: C NP: EX
Skills: Territory Creation: A+
A skill that denotes the user’s ability to secure a location for their purposes. Caster can create a “Temple” that is superior to a “Workshop”.
Item Construction: EX
A skill that denotes the user’s ability to craft magical items. Caster can craft potions that grant limited immortality, high-level Homunculi a few steps away from a Servant’s level of power, as well as artificial, “philosopher’s stones” created out of condensed prana, among others.
High Speed Incantation: A
The ability to recite spells at high speeds. At this level, it is possible to compress a Grand Ritual into a one line chant, and recite it in an equivalent amount of time.
Kabbalah: A+
A Magecraft system based on numerology. Using powerful seals, Caster is able to completely isolate a region of space from outside interference. Furthermore, the binding of a demon god of slightly lower caliber than those of the King of Magecraft is possible, but it is uncertain whether or not Caster can control it.
Noble Phantasm:
False Azoth
Synthetic Primordial Ocean
Rank: EX
Type: Anti-Matter
Range: N/A (theoretically infinite)
Max targets: N/A (theoretically infinite)
A liquid whose physical appearance is that of a formless, levitating hole. This Noble Phantasm is not the true Azoth, the primordial ocean before creation, but, as Caster herself puts it, “a cheap knock-off” she created using her Magecraft. Despite its status as a fake, the false Azoth holds the same power as its original, that is, the capability to dissolve all material objects, returning it into nothingness. In battle, Caster uses the Azoth as both sword and shield, using its status as universal solvent to block enemy Magecraft and destroy opposing Noble Phantasms. Sadly, this extravagant use of the liquid causes it to run out quickly, which means Caster must craft more of the substance should it run out.
Lore
Caster is Mary the Jewess, the legendary first century alchemist spoken of in many alchemical texts. She was said to have created multitudes of alchemical implements, transmuted gold from plant matter, and is considered to be the first alchemist in Western history. If she were to be compared to Paracelsus, the “father” of alchemy, then Mary is certainly the “divine ancestor” of alchemy, a great sage who stood side-by-side with the like of Hermes Trismegistus in terms of knowledge and skill.
At her core, Caster is a “stage mother” type of person. She loves all Magi, but reserves a special place in her heart for alchemists, being the practitioners of an art she helped establish. Conversely, she dislikes people who, despite all efforts, don’t want to be recognized. With this in mind, she communicates with her Master with the utmost affability, and will help them out with anything. Except cooking. Unfortunately, for such a mother-type character, placing her on cooking duty will result in a disaster on par with the incineration of humanity. Her wish for the Holy Grail is “to be the one to help humanity reach the Root”. After all, a parent’s role is to be the stepping stone to their child’s success.
Class: Caster True Name: Altera/Attila Sex: Female Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
STR: D AGI: B+ END: C+ MAG: A LCK: B Class Skills Territory Creation: D+ The ability to create an advantageous territory for ones own use. Due to the fact that Caster is a rather inappropriate class container for the King of War, she can only mark an area in which her ability to draw mana from the air is increased, while also draining other Servants mana when close to her. While it will rapidly disappear if she is not inside of the area, it can be rapidly recreated and expanded by destroying buildings, mass murder, and stealing large quantities of anything of worth. Item Creation: E+ The ability to create magical objects. While her skill in creating is rather lackluster, Caster can modify existing objects to something that can at least threaten other Servants. Items created or modified by her also have a rather futuristic look to them. Personal Skills Disengage: B Capable of rapidly escaping battle, has the bonus effect of returning battle conditions to the previous most advantageous condition. Military Tactic: B Increases ones own Anti-Army attack power while decreasing the effects of an enemy's Anti-Army attack Riding:B The ability to ride mounts and vehicles. While riding Phantasm Beasts is impossible, riding any other mounts will be at expert skill. Crest of Stars: EX A directive carved into Caster's flesh and existence, even stronger than a Command Seal, making it increase or decrease their effectiveness depending if they align with it or not. In battle, it also 'turns off' Caster's ability to think and feel emotions while also granting her the equivalent of Eye of the Mind(B), turning her into a machine of destruction. also passively acts as a 'mental damage cap'.
Noble Phantasm Dolor Loculo Tribus: Blood and Gold(Support, B) When the Caster died he was buried inside of a coffin made of iron, gold, and silver, representing his wealth and strength while alive, they grieved by shedding their blood on her and hid her burial site by redirecting a river and the silencing those who buried her. Even though her empire fell shortly after, the fear and bloodshed that she brought immortalized her in the Throne of Heroes. Appearing as three large circlets, each one made of a different material of her coffin, on both of her wrists and neck. Passively, they simply grant her Golden Rule(B-) and Prana Burst(C). When invoked, the circlets transform into an armor made from the same metals as her coffin, more suited for an Angel of Battle than anything else with its carvings depicting weapons and war. While wearing it, her Strength and Endurance by one rank and all of her powers are magnified, mana is rapidly drained from the air and Servants with low reserves will find getting close a death sentence, her Prana Burst cloaks her in golden wrathful power for a few seconds when she uses it, and any damage that she takes can healed by sating herself in blood and gore. This power comes at a steep cost however, requiring almost constant aggression to maintain for a prolonged amount of time even with a full reserve of mana.
If she dies, liquid inside the area marked by Territory Creation will rapidly coalesce around her in a steel rending torrent, before exploding. A highly unusual Noble Phantasm for Caster to have, even her rather unfitting class does not entirely explain this Conglomeration-Type Noble Phantasm. Perhaps her summoner's desire has something to do with it?
Flagellum Dei: Sins as Blades and Arrows(Support/Foundation, A+) Manifesting as a 'fear aura', that gains increased effectiveness towards those guilty with sins. The guilty here does not, ironically, refer to those who are actually sinful, but to those who recognize their sins, even if they're false. Actual guilt would, of course, increase the effectiveness even further, up to the point that it can decrease the ranks of mental skills and physical parameters(though, at a much lesser rate). Normally, this would be a constantly active Noble Phantasm, but now it can only be used in the area marked by her Territory Creation. Its rather high rank comes from the fact that it has become a Magical Foundation usable only by Caster alone. More accurately, it is a Foundation based on Caster's reputation as 'one that is sent by God as a punishment' or in other words 'The Scourge of God'. Were it not the fact that she's mentally almost a computer, this Noble Phantasm's function would be almost entirely useless due to the fact that she has to develop the spells on her own, of course, this means that the heat of battle would be the best way to create them. Furthermore, due to Caster's legend as a warlord, most of the spell she creates are at a strategic level, rather than tactical. For those that are familiar with Church Sacraments, Caster's spells eerily resembles them. Interestingly, she seems to invoke the punishment aspect of Divine Punishment more than the divine aspect
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Caster Attila 2.0, Now with more Old Testament-ing!
The basic idea for this is for our favourite warlord(lady?) to go around being warlordy, destroying, killing, pillaging and all that stuff to expand her territory while also skirmishing against enemy Servant's so she gains XP develop limit breaksstrategic level spells. If she's an antagonist, than she'll be something like a combination of Gilles and Herc and would probably be the classic 'murderous superweapon is taught humanity' as a pro/deuteroganist, though considering Nasu that might not be an entirely good thing...
Originally Posted by RoydGolden
