NPs look and read like tl;dr wank.Originally Posted by WhatShouldNotBe
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Also not really worth mentioning this but I'm going to anyway 'cause I'm a whore, but I went back and updated Jehanette. New faceclaim, theme, and while I don't have it up there, the true ability of her sword's Noble Phantasm.
It may or may not be a laserbeam.
Last edited by Historia; February 24th, 2017 at 01:40 PM.
Here are my thoughts.
Firstly, I don't like how you've handled Eye of Heaven. I like the concept and I understand that it is a big part of his legend, but I think you've taken the idea too far. It feels like you basically wrote every possible interpretation of the ability, with no real limits. It feels less like a coherent ability and more like a grab-bag of eye-based powers, only loosely tied together. It's also unnecessarily verbose. I think cutting away some of the excess stuff and adding more detail to the really important parts would be good.
I think I mostly agree with what was said about 72 Transformations and Three-pointed Spear.
As a result of the changes, you might have to change the third NP as well.
Good doggo is good.
You might want to add more to the likes/dislikes section. Other stuff like Natural Enemy and Talent can also sometimes go there.
I like the new FC, it's nice to see people going back and continually refreshing older sheets like you did with Yuenu so props.
Quest of Fate
Apocrypha Universe Fate Quest Project
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Beast's Lair Discord Server For Fate Quests
Hermes Servant Collection Master Post
'Cause Yuenü is a cool chick. That's why.
I kinda want to see a Seneca the Younger sheet. I feel like he was a pretty interesting dude. Plus apparently he appeared in a Canon flashback. So that's cool.
I'd make one myself, but I don't know enough about Canon Rome or Canon Nero (Never played Extra). I suppose I could just go the "alternate timeline musashi" route to avoid continuity errors, but I don't really like that. I'm of the "we should try to stick to Canon, mostly" school of thought. Plus, most of the time I previously spent on sheets is currently being spent on playing Ace Attorney games right now.
So I don't know.
"Ahahahahahaha! You made a wise decision in electing to summon me. I shall devise a great plan for our victory, a plan greater than anything any other strategist would be able to devise."
Caster
Sima Yi
Alignment: Lawful Evil
STR: E
END: B
AGI: E
MAG: A
LUCK: A+
NP: A
Class Skills
Territory Creation (A): A Caster-class Skill. It is the Skill to build a special terrain that is advantageous to oneself as a magus, such as for the purpose of collecting mana. Creation of a Fortress, superior to a Workshop becomes possible.
Item Construction (B): A Caster-class Skill. It is the Skill to manufacture magical items, from implements of war to items for daily use. Also, this Skill requires time to gather components and manufacture items themselves.
Personal Skills
Commands of the Strategist (B+): A Skill given to military-affiliated Servants. Maximizes the power of allied troops as an army, including oneself. Sima Yi’s version of this skill is designed for defensive battles, increasing the endurance, determination and pain resistance of allied troops.
Advice of the Strategist (B): A Skill given to military-affiliated Servants. By grasping and analyzing the situation, correct advice can be given to one's allies. The higher the rank, the better the probability of the advice given being correct. At this rank, the advice from this skill has a high rank of being correct, however it is in Sima Yi’s nature to give misleading or false information if he has a greater goal in mind.
Founder’s Star (B+): The skill for one who laid the foundations of a powerful empire. Due to Sima Yi’s actions in life, his son and grandson would go on to end the Three Kingdoms era and found the Jin Dynasty. Due to his legend being tied to the end of legends, all heroes from the Three Kingdoms era suffer a severe rank down to all parameters in his presence, even if they're allies.
Noble Phantasms
The Wolf Looks Behind HimselfEyes of the Strategist
Support, C: A Noble Phantasm based on the legend that Sima Yi could turn his head around 180 degrees, like an owl, making it impossible to safely approach him from behind. A passive ability, representing the difficulty of approaching him stealthily, this ability nullifies all forms of Presence Concealment and other stealth-based Noble Phantasms and skills in his presence. Also, his flexibility gives him an immunity to neck torsion.
Like a Meteor, My Foe Passes into LegendDefence of the Wuzhang Plains
Barrier, A: One of the most famous exploits of Sima Yi: the constant repulsion of Zhuge Liang’s Northern Campaigns. A Noble Phantasm which can only be deployed in his territory, it summons magical barriers representative of the mountainous terrain between Shu and Wei that served as battlegrounds, from behind his walls, Sima Yi is free to analyse his opponent’s fighting style and weaknesses, wait until they exhaust themselves, and launch a counterstrike aimed at driving them away. In a war of attrition, none can outlast Sima Yi; his strategy in his last clash with his great rival at the Wuzhang Plains involved him simply staying put behind fortifications as Zhuge Liang lay dying of the illness that killed him. The barriers produced by this Noble Phantasm are not invincible: any Anti-Fortress attack can simply blast through them, and attacks from higher-ranked Phantasms have a chance of piercing through. Attacking the barrier has an enervating effect, draining the prana from attackers to replenish those inside, a representation of how the Shu armies ultimately had to retreat due to a lack of resources.
Lore
Last edited by asterism42; July 7th, 2017 at 08:30 PM.
Source: http://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.p...st_id=24798704
Class: Lancer
Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
Origin: Folklore
Region: Greece
Parameters
Strength: C
Endurance: A
Agility: C
Mana: C
Luck: D
NP: B
Height/Weight: ???
Gender: ???
Likes: Poseidon, manliness
Dislikes: Poseidon, feminine weakness, Chiron
Talents: Pride
Natural enemy: Zeus
Attribute: Man
Traits: Male, Female, Servant, Human
Class Skills:
Magic Resistance: (B)
Magic Resistance grants protection against magical effects. Differing from the Resistance effect that merely rejects Magical Energy, this ability cancels the spells altogether.
Cancel spells with a chant below three verses. Even if targeted by High-Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals, it is difficult for them to be affected.
Personal Skills:
Divinity: (D)
Divinity is the measure of whether one has Divine Spirit aptitude or not. At high levels one is treated as a mixed race of a Divine Spirit, and the level declines when the Heroic Spirit's own rank as a Monster or Demonic Beast raises. It can also decrease due to one's dislike for the gods. Those who have A Rank Divinity or above has reached the throne of a god. It also has an effect which reduces special defensive values called 'purge defense' in proportion to the Divinity's Rank. It can break through Skills such as Protection of the Faith and Enlightenment of the Sacred Fig.
A descendent of the minor river god Peneus, himself a son of Oceanus and Tethys, Lancer possesses little Divine Spirit aptitude but theres no denying that its indeed present.
Protection of the Sea God: (A)
Lancers unique transformative Personal Skill cultivated from the love that Poseidon felt for them. Not wanting to ever again suffer the love of a man forced upon her, the female Lancer of days past asked that she be turned into a man to avoid something like it ever happening again. Doing so, Poseidon turned Lancer into more than a man. A female soul residing in a male body, Lancers existence was unique, but not uncomfortable. Poseidon saw to it that Lancer would become a man like no other; although he provided Lancer the opportunity of changing back if he missed being female.
As a female, this skill reads as Golden Rule (Body) and Espionage at B rank. However outside of his male form, Lancer cannot use any of his Noble Phantasms. Calydonian Hunt is sealed as well, however the female Lancer is ascribed a pseudo-rank in Powerless Shell as compensation. The threat she poses to Servants will be nil in this form, but fortunately her drain on her Masters mana will also be greatly reduced.
As a male, this skills reads as Natural Body at B rank, and Bravery at D rank.
A passive effect is Lancers resistance to water-based attacks, and natural automatic buoyancy.
Calydonian Hunt: (C)
A skill earned by those who participated in the famous hunt for the Calydonian Boar.
King Oeneus of Calydon held annual harvest sacrifices to the gods on the sacred hill. One year the king forgot to include Great "Artemis of the Golden Throne" in his offerings. Insulted, Artemis, the "Lady of the Bow", loosed the biggest, most ferocious boar imaginable on the countryside of Calydon. It rampaged throughout the countryside, destroying vineyards and crops, forcing people to take refuge inside the city walls, where they began to starve. Hunters were called from all over, including Lancer aboard the Argo.
A type of Independent Action that manifests only when in pursuit of a single target. Gives bonus modifiers to attacking and fleeing from Monstrous Species. Because Lancer isnt mentioned anywhere as one of the people who actually injured the boar, theyre given an average rank.
Noble Phantasm
Lore
Gimme time to do the rest of Nero's wacky family. Jeez.
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I need to fix Vipsania, then it's on to Germanicus.
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Two sheets I think would be interesting are Glyndwr Michael and Juan Pujol. One, a dead hobo turned British Major and the other a poultry farmer turned double agent master spy.
Is Glyndwyr Micheal the Operation Mincemeat guy?
Sima Yi...
I was wondering when he'll finally show up. Much more interesting character than that Zhuge Whatshisface fellow.
I wouldn't rank Founder's Star as an EX though. Maybe a A+? Sure the end of the Three Kingdom era was important but it's no where nearly as important as say as the end of the Warring States era or the establishment of the Yuan Dynasty by Kublai Khan. In any case the effect you assigned to it certainly isn't worth an EX, considering how Counter Hero B does the thing way better and against a much wider range of heroes even.
The 2nd NP confuses me. It's a stationary defense barrier without any effect against anti-fortress effects? While representing the natural and man made fortifications Sima utilized during his decisive campaign against his greatest rival...that allowed him to outlast his opponent despite Zhuge Liang's best efforts. No effect against anti-fortress effects?
Siege warfare was a thing. It was prevalent. It wasn't always about sallies or dude on dude beatings. Moreso than Arthurian period Europe actually.
Endurance B might also be pushing it even if Sima is designed a defensively orientated Caster.
Last edited by Theoneandonlyz; February 24th, 2017 at 08:17 PM.
Yes.
Nice. You're right, that would be a cool sheet.
Jasper Maskelyne "the War Magician" might qualify as a False Caster of some kind, though most of the stuff he claimed to have done is fake, or he wasn't actually responsible for. But, as the saying goes, "if it isn't true, at least it's a good story."
I mainly based it on reading about the Battle of the Wuzhang Plains, which was mainly the Shu army trying to goad Sima Yi's army into leaving their defences. It's weak to Anti-Fortress attacks because I felt it needed to have a weakness.
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OK, I updated some stuff
I really like this one. I'd considered making a sheet of him at some point, but ended up doing Tiresias instead. The spear is a really great interpretation, I like what you did with it. The other Noble Phantasm being a Reality Marble seems a little unnecessary, but it's still an interesting concept anyway. I can't really suggest any improvements, it's a great sheet.
Kind of makes me want to do a Shikhandi sheet, too.
Sima Yi: I really like this sheet on the basis that i really want to see more of the Strategists of the ROTK. I think its pretty funny to have Sima Yi having that big of a rank on Founder's Star when you consider how much of a disaster the "powerful empire" was. NPs were pretty basic all in all. I think the last NP needs bit more of flash, but thats just me. Maybe something based on Sima Yi being saved by the Rain
Well he does have a big rank in Luck so there is that. All in all a good sheet imo, my points were mostly nitpicking
Caeneus: Also a fun sheet. It's nice to see Calydonian Hunt skill on another servant, though it seems that the servant didn't do anything of note during said hunt. Fun character to be honest. I like to imagine an androgynous looking dude just screaming about manliness and masculinity.
Question: Can you punch Caeneus?
Shikhandi dropping those blue flowers of her on everybody for a Ranma situation would be pretty funny.
You most certainly can.
So I finally had the time to make a new servant. I found this servant to be harder to make than any of my other servants because information on her was just hard to find but I gave it my best shot and tried to make a good servant with what I had. She probably ended up a little bit more wanked than I ever intended her to be. On a side note, by researching this sheet I have discovered there are a lot of people on Tumblr who think they are actual witches and I probably should of expected this.
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Servant: Caster
Alternate Classes: Assassin
True Name: Circe
Alias: The Dread Goddess
Alignment: Neutral Evil
Place of Origin: Ancient Greece
Face Claim:
Spoiler:
Strength: E
Endurance: E
Agility: D
Mana: A++ (EX)
Luck: A
NP: EX
Lore:
Casters identity is the ancient Greek witch Circe. Circe was the daughter of the sungod Helios, and Perse, an Oceanid. Her brothers were Aeetes, keeper of the Golden Fleece, and Perses. Her sister was Pasiphaë, the wife of King Minos and mother of the Minotaur. Circe was renowned for her vast knowledge of potions and herbs. Through the use of these and a magic wand or a staff, she transformed her enemies, or those who offended her, into animals. Some say she was exiled to the solitary island of Aeaea by her subjects and her father Helios for killing her husband, the prince of Colchis. Circe was a prodigy at magecraft who Hecate had given many of her magical gifts to. Circe has been said to have the skill clairvoyance meaning she may be a possible candidate for Grand Caster. Her most famous encounter is her one with the hero Odysseus who defeated her and stayed with her for a year before leaving.
Personality:
Circe has been described as having a very problematic personality. Circe is a very arrogant, seductive, narcissistic and selfish NEET that will probably never leave Aeaea once it’s created. She has both compassionate and sadistically cruel sides of her personality. Most people will only see her cruel side as upon seducing them she will just turn them into animals. Odysseus is one of the only people to ever actually see her more compassionate side. Circe also has a strange obsession with circles but the most important circle of all is the one for her personal space. If one can forcefully break through into her personal bubble then you basically win like Odysseus did. Circe is not a person who will easily bond with people but if a master is capable of this then they may be able to enter that personal bubble of hers freely which can be considered a great achievement.
Likes: Magic, Odysseus,
Dislikes: Interacting with most people
Talent: Magecraft
Natural Enemy: King Hassan
Class Skills:
Item Construction (A)
Circe can construct many magical items due to her great skill as a magus. Most of her prowess is in herbs and potions.
Territory Creation (EX)
Caster can construct a bounded field that recreates Aeaea (See Noble Phantasm)
Personal Skills:
Divinity: (A)
the measure of whether one has Divine Spirit aptitude or not. At high levels one is treated as a mixed race of a Divine Spirit, and the level declines when the Heroic Spirit's own rank as a Monster or Demonic Beast raises. It can also decrease due to one's dislike for the gods. Caster is the daughter of the Titans Helios, god of the sun, and Perse, an Oceanid and others sources say she was the daughter of Hecate. Caster for numerous reasons has been thought to be a goddess of magic or more often a death goddess, raising the rank of her divinity.
Teachings of Hecate: (EX)
It is said that Hecate gave Medea her wisdom and Caster received her gift in the magical arts. This skill denotes Casters mastery over all the magic taught to her by Hecate. This skill does not mean Caster is necessary as strong as Hecate, it just shows her prowess over all magic taught to her. Her skill in magic is powerful enough to convince some she is a goddess and it even garners some respect from the gods with Hermes not ashamed to compare his skill in sorcery with hers. Her skills include magic’s like Illusions, healing, necromancy, western witchcraft, as well as many others at a proficiency of B-EX.
The Dread Goddess: (C)
This skill represents Casters title as Dread Goddess and her supposed status as a death goddess. This skill is a lower rank in her Caster form than her Assassin one as the reason she qualifies for Assassin class is also where she gets her title from. A skill with aspects similar to At the Boundary and it also enhances Casters skill in Necromancy. Along with this skill and the effects of her Noble Phantasm, Caster is basically immortal (At least in the fact that she won’t age) and can be considered to have forgotten her own mortality making her a natural enemy for servants like King Hassan. Due to her immortal nature some have thought that the fountain of youth is located on her island. Because the skill is a lower rank than when she is an Assassin she has lost the ability to create a portal to the underworld and resurrect those on the brink of death like she supposedly did with Odysseus but she can support those who are badly injured but her skill in healing magic makes this basically useless.
High-Speed Divine Words: (A+)
A Skill that assists with magical incantations via a power to activate Thaumaturgy without the use of Magic Circuits. The language of the Age of Gods, back when words played a heavy role in spellcasting. As such, it is power long lost by modern magi. It is particularly useful for direct attack magic. Casters full title was The Dread Goddess Who Spoke to Mortals, implying that her very words were magical nature. Some accounts say Caster had no need for incantations what so ever allowing her to cast spells quicker than most.
Alluring Nightingale: (B)
a mesmerizing-kind of Skill possessed by those with a beautiful natural voice; it is also a declaration of the exercise of power by the royalty. It works as a charm magecraft-like effect towards those of the user's opposite sex, but evasion is possible by means of a Magic Resistance Skill. Even without Magic Resistance, one can abate it to some extent so long he or she maintains a will to resist. While Casters great beauty and seductive nature is nothing to scoff at her voice is her most impressive feature. Casters voice has been compared to that of the sirens and would draw men to her home with her beautiful singing voice, leaving them in a sedated, zombie like state which can be enhanced with Casters skill in herbs.
Noble Phantasms:
Spoiler:
Last edited by GilgameshKingOfMemes; February 24th, 2017 at 11:12 PM. Reason: removed a skill
I'll tone it down a good deal, focus more on the "fuck you Dragons" than the "Fuck Dragons, Fuck Demons, and FUCK. GODS."
It was slightly overdone. Yes.
Eye of Heaven is going to be trimmed down to just "sees the truth", because I'll be moving his more "I look at Mountains until they're not there anymore" - type abilities to his Berserker sheet.
seventy-two transformations and three-pointed spear will be cut down to size to match.
And Ill add EVEN MORE FLUFF
Another way you can approach Erlang's NPs is to remove his Three Pointed Spear NP entirely and fold the final ground splitting effect into his Illustrious Sage of Heaven and Earth NP.
Let Erlang split earth and shatter mountains (anti-fortress, anti-terrain) for the Earth part of his title and steel himself against assault then strike nine times really hard, really far away (anti-unit, anti-divine) for the Heaven part of his title. Since he performed both feats in a single engagement it would allow for them to crystallize together into a single divine mystery.
While this build cuts away a bit of his legend as a suppressor of rogue dragons and demons...he's still a potentially A+ strength / A+ agility angry beat stick (factoring in 72 Transformations if you keep or increase it).
Last edited by Theoneandonlyz; February 25th, 2017 at 12:19 AM.
Circe: Not sure Independent Action makes any sense. Seems a little contradictory with the rest of the sheet and with the Nasuverse in general.
There are too many skills currently anyway so that's the first one I'd cut
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