Create-A-Servant 2

[RoydGolden]

which suggestions would you have to make my genoskwa profile better i have done a Little bit in the skillset ,especially could you help me with the Nobelphantasm because this is the heaviest part in this profile although i Play with the thought of a Nobelphantasm less Option.

Maybe his NP would let him embrace the legends of Bigfoot/Yeti/Sasquatch across cultures and mythologies, giving a power-boost at the cost of sealing away sanity and making him a stereotypical mindless brute? Sort of like a souped up Mad Enhancement, with shades of Vlad's Legend Of Dracula. A little generic, but it'd make more sense then conflating him with a totally unrelated mythical figure like the Wendigo...

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Either that or buff his Stone-Coat ability a little more and convert it into an NP instead of a Skill, since as far as I can tell that's the most famous part of Genoskwa's legend...

[King of Padoru]

My Spearfinger's first NP is basically that. It's much better than as a skill, in my opinion

[Shiki-pon]

which suggestions would you have to make my genoskwa profile better i have done a Little bit in the skillset ,especially could you help me with the Nobelphantasm because this is the heaviest part in this profile although i Play with the thought of a Nobelphantasm less Option.

I guess I can't ignore it when someone asks my advice.
For the Skillset, I suggest something along these lines:
- Animal/Bestial Fury (or something to that effect): gives bonus to melee damage, increased further when defending what one sees as their own territory.
- Stonecoat: gives a reduction to all damage, greater for ranged, lesser for melee. You have to remember that other Servants might well have been able to break stone with their bare hands even in their weaker moments.
- Animal Dialogue would be sufficient for the third skill, though I'd emphasize the rather violent nature of this dialogue and the Genoskwa's ability to threaten creatures. Or something like that.

As for the Noble Phantasm, I'd suggest something to do with the Genoskwa's nasty habit of twisting people's heads clean off. Maybe something similar to Hessian Lobo's Frieren Scharfrichter? (Look that up instead of asking us, please)

Some random beastman really doesn't deserve parameters as high as you've given. The Endurance being high is also redundant since he's already got a defensive Skill to represent that. Agility might be C+ at the most, allowing for their ability to climb trees or something. Mana and Luck sure as hell shouldn't be very high, seeing as these things are so obscure that only cryptid websites actually care to mention (and those are not reliable sources of info). Mana could maybe be C, Luck is probably the basic Assassin B.
The stone spear tossing Skill is also pointless, as you could just describe such a thing in the Genoskwa's fighting style. Something along the lines of being able to make simple tools and preferring the use of javelins, chipped from stone or some such nonsense.

Also, that Assassin Cromwell I just posted is the second sheet of mine to go ignored in the last few days. Were Myrina and that one just unworthy of note, or did people miss them?

[King of Padoru]

There's Beastly Enhancement as a replacement for Mad Enhancement (again, look it on your own).

I want to give feedback, but I'm not good at it. I doubt you want a simple "cool sheet bro"

[Kabalisto Koga]

Maybe his NP would let him embrace the legends of Bigfoot/Yeti/Sasquatch across cultures and mythologies, giving a power-boost at the cost of sealing away sanity and making him a stereotypical mindless brute? Sort of like a souped up Mad Enhancement, with shades of Vlad's Legend Of Dracula. A little generic, but it'd make more sense then conflating him with a totally unrelated mythical figure like the Wendigo...

- - - Updated - - -

Either that or buff his Stone-Coat ability a little more and convert it into an NP instead of a Skill, since as far as I can tell that's the most famous part of Genoskwa's legend...

Good bought i will use a Nobelphantasm that represent the Bigfoot/Sasquatch/Yeti coomplex ,that have you meant Right ? what do you mean with generic ? i think some Thing Arent generic more classic if you ask me like that Sabers are having in 99 of 100 cases a Sword related (stream)nobelphantasm.How would it be if enables the stonecoat Nobelphantasm is able to transform him into a Golem like real Stone Giant like many Bigfoots was called (if someone is interested here can you see here the many names of the Bigfoot creatues indgenous tribes gave him) ?

[pinetree]

There's Beastly Enhancement as a replacement for Mad Enhancement (again, look it on your own).

I want to give feedback, but I'm not good at it. I doubt you want a simple "cool sheet bro"

I don't think this beastly ehancement skill exists.

Also, that Assassin Cromwell I just posted is the second sheet of mine to go ignored in the last few days. Were Myrina and that one just unworthy of note, or did people miss them?

You're just posting too many of them, I don't have the time to post detailed comments about them so I don't bother with a "cool sheet bro" either.

[King of Padoru]

I don't think this beastly ehancement skill exists.

It's Nyalter's substitute for Mad Enhancement.

[MehKitteh]

I don't think this beastly ehancement skill exists.

It does. Atalanta (Alter) have it.

You're just posting too many of them, I don't have the time to post detailed comments about them so I don't bother with a "cool sheet bro" either.

My thoughts exactly.

[pinetree]

It's Nyalter's substitute for Mad Enhancement.

Oh, well I've seen it as Beast Shape and as Beastification but not as Beastly Enhancement. Though I didn't really pay any attention to her either so maybe I'm wrong.

[Kabalisto Koga]

I guess I can't ignore it when someone asks my advice.
For the Skillset, I suggest something along these lines:
- Animal/Bestial Fury (or something to that effect): gives bonus to melee damage, increased further when defending what one sees as their own territory.
- Stonecoat: gives a reduction to all damage, greater for ranged, lesser for melee. You have to remember that other Servants might well have been able to break stone with their bare hands even in their weaker moments.
- Animal Dialogue would be sufficient for the third skill, though I'd emphasize the rather violent nature of this dialogue and the Genoskwa's ability to threaten creatures. Or something like that.

As for the Noble Phantasm, I'd suggest something to do with the Genoskwa's nasty habit of twisting people's heads clean off. Maybe something similar to Hessian Lobo's Frieren Scharfrichter? (Look that up instead of asking us, please)

Some random beastman really doesn't deserve parameters as high as you've given. The Endurance being high is also redundant since he's already got a defensive Skill to represent that. Agility might be C+ at the most, allowing for their ability to climb trees or something. Mana and Luck sure as hell shouldn't be very high, seeing as these things are so obscure that only cryptid websites actually care to mention (and those are not reliable sources of info). Mana could maybe be C, Luck is probably the basic Assassin B.
The stone spear tossing Skill is also pointless, as you could just describe such a thing in the Genoskwa's fighting style. Something along the lines of being able to make simple tools and preferring the use of javelins, chipped from stone or some such nonsense.

Also, that Assassin Cromwell I just posted is the second sheet of mine to go ignored in the last few days. Were Myrina and that one just unworthy of note, or did people miss them?

Thank you .

- Good is noted.
-Hm you made a Point especially when i am thinking like some one Samson who could break down Stone pillar.
-also not false.

Coinncidently i know About Scharfrichter ! its not a reverse cause Phantasm more like one that creates a Situation of where the beheading of the Opponent is possible,right ?
About Luck and Endurance youre Right, the mana Parameter descripe which ability or capability is to handle Mana again Right ? but with the middle (C) i agree,the only parts i disagree is strenght and agility because ist said that a Sasquatch type creature (the Genoskwa included) can overtake a deer or cow so i think B is appropriate.that with the tossing im youre oppinion .

i will use your suggestions.

[MehKitteh]

... I feel like writing sheets too fast.

Should I continue, or should I slow down?

[pinetree]

I just write them and then leave them alone for months before posting, at which point I end up changing them completely while editing the post.

[MehKitteh]

I just write them and then leave them alone for months before posting, at which point I end up changing them completely while editing the post.

Hmm. Yeah, probably I should slow down and let my sheets rot simmer. Thanks!

[SleepMode]

Hmm. Yeah, probably I should slow down and let my sheets rot simmer. Thanks!

I prefer Slow-cook, but rotting can apply too

[Wizard]

Alright, this is an old one that's been sitting around for as long as Ikaria. Not sure about the quality, so I'll probably redo it at some point, but here I go!

Assassin of The Deep

Class: Assassin
Alignment: Lawful Neutral
Attribute: Man
Title: Davy Jones
True Name: N/A
Origin: 19th Century European Legend
Armament: Chains


Parameters
Strength: B
Endurance: B
Agility: C
Mana: C
Luck: N/A
Noble Phantasm: B


Class Skills
Presence Concealment: A
As a shepherd of souls for the sea, Jones is tasked with searching and finding those that owe their life to the sea and bring them down to the briny depths to pay their price. Jones is almost undetectable as was necessary for his job as a reaper.


Personal Skills
Boogeyman: B
A wraith that haunts the dreams of sailors the world over, Jones’ mere presence being made known strikes fear into the hearts of mortal men as a symbol of impending doom at sea. Other Servants, especially those who traveled the seas during their lives will be increasingly wary around him.


Desireless Death: A
A being that has no desire of his own that merely acts as a vehicle of death. He cannot be convinced,
charmed, tempted, or enticed. He does as he is told, nothing more, nothing less, the ultimate vehicle of death.




Noble Phantasm
Fiddler’s Green
Abandon All Fear Ye Who Enter
Rank: B
Type: Anti-Unit
An alternate name for Jones’ own legendary locker. A resting place for all those who have died at sea, a paradise where their every wish is fulfilled in penance for their horrific deaths. For what crueler death is there than to drown? Here, those who suffered are rewarded with eternal peace. Jones acts as their shepard, guiding them to the promised land.


Calling out the True Name of his Noble Phantasm, Jones simply has to touch his target to drag them into the paradise. Within the Green, the target will find themselves at peace, losing all will to fight back, simply wanting to exist within the Green. It is then that Jones can kill his target without struggle, drowning them in the shallows.


This NP is highly ineffective against anyone with sufficient bloodlust or mental fortitude, and practically useless against Berserkers. It also doesn't work against anyone who has already achieved inner peace. Or in the case of a certain arrogant king, have all they desire already.


Personality
Jones isn't much of a person, to be frank. He has no desires, no thoughts, no wishes or wants. He simply is and does as is needed of him. He cares no for his survival or the survival of others, even his own Master. He is no better than a dumb waiter, carrying souls to and from the Green.


Yet, should he be given an existence longer than mere days and allowed to truly interact with people, perhaps there is the glimmer of true sentience in those cold black eyes. He may even speak.


Appearance
Davy Jones appears as one would expect, as a drowned man. Iron chains hang from his wrists and ankles. His skin is a sickly yellow color and his eyes are black with old blood. Dark brown hair clings to his neck and forehead, always wet and dripping. He wears a captain’s coat over a ripped shirt and pantalones. He is barefoot and makes no sound when he steps, not even the chains.

[Shiki-pon]

The sheet strikes me as a little odd. While there's nothing really wrong with the technical aspects, the background of this character isn't included (which might explain certain other problems with he sheet). Though I would assume that Servants with a nautical background would feel the effects of Fiddler's Green more strongly, given that it's their afterlife.
However, the Davy Jones of legend (though details are scarce) is a different beast from the one presented in your sheet. He is essentially seen as some sort of devil figure and has an outlandish appearance. Fiddler's Green, on the other hand is indeed a nautical afterlife, but not one connected to Jones as far as I'm aware.
Jones also seems a little bland, especially in terms of personality.

[King of Padoru]

I think he's very bland, too. Besides, Davy Jones' Locker is usually depicted as a "bad ending" unlike the merry Fiddler's Green

[Kabalisto Koga]

Thank you .

- Good is noted.
-Hm you made a Point especially when i am thinking like some one Samson who could break down Stone pillar.
-also not false.

Coinncidently i know About Scharfrichter ! its not a reverse cause Phantasm more like one that creates a Situation of where the beheading of the Opponent is possible,right ?
About Luck and Endurance youre Right, the mana Parameter descripe which ability or capability is to handle Mana again Right ? but with the middle (C) i agree,the only parts i disagree is strenght and agility because ist said that a Sasquatch type creature (the Genoskwa included) can overtake a deer or cow so i think B is appropriate.that with the tossing im youre oppinion .

i will use your suggestions.

Now i have started with the impovement of Genoskw please look here down Shiki,Royd and King of padoru,Mehkitteh (but also the oppinions of the others are welcome)

Shiki-pons Berserker of Mbutco has inspired me to make a similar indianic Servant.

The fear of the Iroquois

Genoskwa
(Assassin)
Other names: ot ne yar hed(Stonegiant)
Height: 275 cm
Weight: 195kg
Alignment: ??
Attribute: Earth,Elemental
Origin: Indigen Myths of the Iroquis
Likes: ???
Dislikes: ???
Catalyst: a from Iroquis shaman blessed earth or a mud piece that touched the Genoskwa skin

Parameters

Strength: B+
Endurance: B
Agility: B+
Luck: B
Mana: C
NP: A

Background

Around the world has spread the existence off Ape like Creatures who Shares resemblance with Man most well known are Yeti and Bigfoot whoose latter are known in different subspecies/folclores because almost any American tribe knews his own "Version" of Bigfoot the one of the Iroquis is the Genoskwa

Behavior

(I will describe this being as "he"for the sake of simplicity)
Normally he is surprisingly quit and cautious being .Should he be forced to stay in urban regions due his master he will get stressed and aggrsive over time .He will normally communicate with his Master through gestical conducts although ist capable through the summoning of the grail to communicate in our language, but he refuse to use this new gained abbility unless he found fondness towards his Master then he will use his new found speak.He sees his Master as at first similar like a Indigenic Human to on of the Zivilisation but should his Master hhave a bond to nature or act in a honest friendly manne he will become a determind Guardian

Fighting Demeanor:
He is unlike Human natured Assassins reluctant to move in Urban Areas great cities in particular but it as no hesitations to attack other Servants or Masters if provoked ,one exception where he would attack from his side if he sees environmentally destruction or perhaps Servants who where Beast Killers in their live but this is more unlikely or when he must protect his Master. On his Territory on the other hand he Displays a complet other behavior on his own territory where he attacks any Intruder/Servant or Master with great hostility the only exception would be his Master or Animals and respectfull men and Women aswell as Children atfirst atleast.
His First attack moves are the tossing of Spear out of Branches or Stones unless he ssees his enemy as powerfull foe like a heavy muscled Berserker where he attacks them direct with his fists/feet and a stonish swordmace. will be completted...

Skills

Class skills:

Presence Comcealment: C /(A) Under normal circumstances ist rank is A but in Urban Areas are the effectivity ranked down at two Ranks so its full potencial is only useable at Wooden or similar Environments.

Personal skills:
Territorial Fury ~:it is the embodyment of his inhuman Nature it enables him to mark spiritually a territorial Domain also provides it a damage bost and should he fight on his Terrritory he gains a Mad Enhancement like Blessing where he gets a Parameter bost by sacrifying his sanity until the invaders are either chased away or killedalso gives him effects like ,Unyielding Will C or Instinct A due to his unhuman being.
Language of Nature(Elemental):Ex due to being a Creature of Nature he is able to speak the language of the animals and even the Words which was said only be spoken by pixis and fairies which have a similar effect like te language of Gods .
He is able to communicate fluently with Beasts ,Animals and is able to execute a sort of Elemental Dvination to call Storms and Thunder forht aswell as Heal prayers and strenghtening calls.

Noble Phantasm

Stonecloat

Ot ne yar heh

Type: Anti-Unit(Selv)
Rank: B~*
Range: 1~99
Maximum number of targets: 1
Description: :Ist the charackterisic stonearmor he possess and is known for it ,the armor reduce the taken Damage from all attacks at 15% additionally it provides protection of Arrows which let him nullifying him the Damage of common Arrows in Progress...

Iktomi Scalpcollector(not finally)
Type: Anti-
Rank: A+
Range: 1~99
Maximum number of targets: 1
Description:In Progress …

*means that the rank can be differeing by the Environment

[Shiki-pon]

Yeah, I'm not even gonna bother anymore.

[Historia]

Guess what's wrong in here

Your tenacity.

While I'm no modder by any sense of the word, I do have ownership of the thread at current. If (as it seems to me) Koga isn't willing to seek improvement on his own, then you must learn to cut him loose. If not, I'd prefer you just give him advice then move on with your Create-A-Servant Sheet thread life without being crass.

Rich coming from me, I know, but, that's just my two cents from being in this thread for all of five minutes.

Yeah, I'm not even gonna bother anymore.

Then quit commenting on it.

... I feel like writing sheets too fast.

Should I continue, or should I slow down?

If you feel as you do, then slow it down. Quality over quantity, my dear.