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Thread: Create-A-Servant 2

  1. #741
    死徒(下級)Lesser Dead Apostle
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    Been holding onto this one since June. It's finally done!

    Caster
    The Grand Historian

    Class: Caster
    Place of Origin: China
    Alignment: Lawful Neutral
    Attribute: Earth

    faceclaim


    Parameters:
    Strength: E
    Endurance: E
    Agility: E
    Magic: B
    Luck: C
    Noble Phantasm: A++

    Class Skills:
    • Territory Creation C
      Because his personality is not suited for it, Caster has trouble creating a Workshop. It is more likely that the result of his building will be a scholar's den.
    • Item Construction C
      Specializes in the creation of astrological tools.


    Personal Skills:
    • Mental Pollution E
      It is possible, though not likely, to shut out mental interference thaumaturgy. However, only those who possess the same interest in history as Caster does can come to a true understanding with him. To those without appreciation of the past, Caster's behavior will seem erratic.
    • Weak Constitution (Castration) E
      Caster is a eunuch. Normally, this would come with inconveniences such as having a hard time relieving oneself, but as a Servant, these are minimal. In fact, it could be considered an advantage in Caster's case, as it diminishes the effectiveness of skills such as Pheromone, Princess of Loveliness, and Rosy-Cheeked Adonis, and even Noble Phantasms such as Smile of the Stethno. Combined with his Mental Pollution, it is impossible to appeal to Caster's manhood because his "manhood" was cut off!
    • Astrology B
      Thaumaturgy that studies the movements of the celestial bodies. Can give the user Clairvoyance (False) A and Human Observation (False) A. Sima Qian originally was not a historian but an astrologer by royal appointment, like his father before him.


    Equipment:
    • LOTS of bamboo slits. Despite receiving information from the Grail regarding paper and computers, Caster still prefers to write on bamboo. By the time the Grail War ends, his Master will be left with hundreds of bamboo scrolls, some on inane subjects but others of utmost importance.
    • Astrology and divination equipment


    Noble Phantasm:
    Spoiler:
    Shiji: Records of the Grand Historian
    (Support/Anti-Magic, A++)
    Caster's greatest work, a historical record stretching from mythological time to the Han Dynasty. In addition to contributing greatly to the legends of Confucius and Qin Shihuang, it also set the pattern for subsequent histories to come. It has been called a foundational text of Chinese civilization.

    The Noble Phantasm takes the form of the complete manuscript of the Shiji -- seven-hundred bamboo scrolls in total. The effect alternates between two functions: boosting Mystery and killing Mystery. Which function it fulfills depends on what percentage of scrolls are open or closed. How strong and far-reaching the effect is depends on how many scrolls are physically summoned.

    When closed, it will function as a Mystery booster. Any object or individual possessing even the slightest trace of Mystery will have it doubled. Caster's own astrological thaumaturgy while become immense and scope; in the same manner, his Master will need not worry of struggling to support Caster so long as they hold onto at least one closed scroll. This effect goes both ways, however. Enemy Servants who rely on Mystery and who are caught in the field projected by the closed scrolls will suddenly become overwhelmingly powerful.

    When the scrolls open, its power will invert, and rather than boosting Mystery, it will destroy it. When enough scrolls are open, thaumaturgy will become useless. Even more, and enemy Noble Phantasms will become useless. If all seven-hundred scrolls are open at the same time, it can disrupt the flow of local leylines, and perhaps even the connection between the Lesser and Greater Grails. And woe betide any Servant who stares upon all its pages at once, for their bodies will be dissolved and their essence returned to whence it came (read: if all 700 scrolls are open and facing an enemy Servant, said Servant will be rapidly depleted of magical energy, to the point where their spiritual core can be utterly destroyed if they look for more than several seconds). Like the former effect, this Mystery killing power applies to Caster as well; he must take care to not read his own work for too long lest find himself suddenly fading. His Master is also advised not to read too many of the scrolls at once, lest they cut off the mana supply to Caster.

    Both of these effects can be used at the same time, but the open and closed scrolls must be kept separate from each other or they'll cancel each other out. The rule of thumb is that closed scrolls have a radius of influence but open scrolls can only affect things in the direction their text is facing.

    Additionally, summoning the scrolls and levitating them all in the air consumes mana. It is possible to summon them and leave them all on the ground to preserve mana, but that just leaves a huge mess. As such, Caster usually only summons up to fifty at a time.

    On an aside note, both of these effects are doubled in power if the targeted individual hails from China or has Chinese heritage. It is tripled if the target was from the same time period or before when Caster lived and quadrupled if the target had a mention of their name and life in the Shiji.


    Yange: Emperor Wu's Judgement
    (Anti-Unit, C)
    To put it as bluntly as possible, this Noble Phantasm is a knife that specifically targets the opponent's genitals. Representing the punishment of castration brought down upon Caster for daring to even speak contrary to the Emperor, it has become a Noble Phantasm of its own -- of course, the positions have been reversed.

    When the name of the Noble Phantasm is invoked, it will seek out the opponent's groin and attempt mutilation. Against male targets, it will seek to cut the penis and testes from the body, while against females, it will attempt to sever the Fallopian Tubes and scar the womb. Either way, it will render the target infertile if it connects. Don't dwell on it too long.

    Caster's own version of it is merely a homing missile; an Emperor famous for ordering castrations would have a version that could reverse cause and effect (for if the Emperor wills it, it is already done). The knife will relentlessly pursue its target until Caster either recalls it or runs out of mana. Caster dislikes this Noble Phantasm, as he can still remember the pain it brought upon him - both physically and emotionally.


    Lore:
    Spoiler:
    Caster is Sima Qian, the Grand Historian of the Han Dynasty and the father of Chinese historiography.

    When his father Sima Tan was dying, Sima Qian was charged with setting the scattered historical records in order. China had been united under one banner but did not have a unified text of history; this troubled both Tan and Qian, the latter resolving to complete the format's work within his lifetime.

    Qian was undaunted in his task; even the major inconvenience of incurring the Emperor's wrath and being castrated did little to dissuade him from completing his task. While he played the price of a lifetime of work and great physical pain, he was rewarded with the immortalization of his name as one of the greatest methodological historians of the ancient world.


    Personality:
    Spoiler:
    If a Master values the attention and focus of their Servant to the Grail War, they should not under any circumstance let Caster go to the library. It would also be wise to restrict his Internet access. That is the extent to which Caster loves learning new history. Also, the Master should take care that Caster does not spend all of his time journaling and that he actually gets to building his Territory. They also should not buy him any cameras.

    Caster's wish to the Grail is no less than a written record of the complete history of the world from the planet's creation to the present day.


    Miscellaneous:
    Spoiler:
    Likes: accuracy in his work, diligence, libraries, cameras, the Internet (academic databases)
    Dislikes: heroes who do not match their legends, having to correct the mistakes of others, the Internet (memes, trolls)
    Talents: recording and compiling data, creating narratives in everyday life
    Natural Enemy: Emperor Wu
    Last edited by Constructman; September 21st, 2016 at 10:13 PM.

  2. #742
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Sima Qian: Is there any particular reason his first NP equates to Mystery boosting/denial? I mean, it's an interesting idea and all but the connection to 'documenting history' seems a little tenuous given the lack of explanation. I mean, I can sort of see recording events as depleting their Mysteries by making them more well-known, but I'm not sure how the reverse would work. His second NP is also seriously gruesome. Not unfitting, just... gruesome. And the Emperor's version sounds like the most terrifying Gae Bolg variant ever...

    His personality sounds quite entertaining, and I could easily imagine him spending all his time just documenting random events nearby (like people arguing, going to the market, et cetera...). Much to the chagrin of his likely strait-laced Master, of course... I also got a kick out of his 'heroes who do not match their legends' (he'd have a field day with Altera!) being listed amongst his Dislikes, along with internet trolls.

  3. #743
    I? I am Ardneh. Funderfullness's Avatar
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    I must have missed that tidbit when making Emperor Wu...
    "We don't need martyrs right now. We need heroes. A hero would die for his country, but he'd much rather live for it." -Josiah Bartlet

    List of Servants I've made

  4. #744
    死徒(下級)Lesser Dead Apostle
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    The way I saw it:

    Boosting Mystery: his records contain the legends of numerous mythological figures. Without his compilation, their legends would be harder to find. Some might even be reduced to mere names. Having a defined legend/biography doesn't automatically kill one's power; rather, the legend strengthens it and even forms Pat of the Heroic Spirit itself. So on paper, having an affirmation of the legend would strengthen the target.

    Denying Mystery: at the same time, once you take a closer look, you find that the legend isn't that legendary at all. It's not just a grand narrative that was recorded, but every single detail that Caster could find, including the bad and the ugly. I imagined it as WFD, only boosted itself by mystery because of its age and influence.

  5. #745
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Constructman View Post
    The way I saw it:

    Boosting Mystery: his records contain the legends of numerous mythological figures. Without his compilation, their legends would be harder to find. Some might even be reduced to mere names. Having a defined legend/biography doesn't automatically kill one's power; rather, the legend strengthens it and even forms Pat of the Heroic Spirit itself. So on paper, having an affirmation of the legend would strengthen the target.

    Denying Mystery: at the same time, once you take a closer look, you find that the legend isn't that legendary at all. It's not just a grand narrative that was recorded, but every single detail that Caster could find, including the bad and the ugly. I imagined it as WFD, only boosted itself by mystery because of its age and influence.
    Ah. That actually makes sense, since you can construct an equally good justification for it boosting Mystery (by increasing fame) and lessening it (degrading one's legend into normality).

    I wonder if that could stand to be explained in the description itself, though. Either way, good sheet!

  6. #746
    僕はね、ヒマワリになりたかったんだ mewarmo990's Avatar
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    Good of you to do this.

  7. #747
    Dead Apostle Eater Historia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mewarmo990 View Post
    Good of you to do this.
    Always do.

    More so with this as I edited the original to fit my image (more or less).

  8. #748
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Bird of Hermes's Avatar
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    I figured this was the servant you were talking about after you posted the fight between her and Su Daji in the fanfic forum. She sees pretty solid and I liked how you described the slaughterer and bloodlust skills. Seems pretty good, I look forward to the other one.

  9. #749
    Dead Apostle Eater Historia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Bird of Hermes View Post
    I figured this was the servant you were talking about after you posted the fight between her and Su Daji in the fanfic forum. She sees pretty solid and I liked how you described the slaughterer and bloodlust skills. Seems pretty good, I look forward to the other one.
    Well, this long post I just wrote was all for naught as it logged me out and didn't save it, but, the short of it was that (barring some things) this sheet for Daji is one I'm in agreement with. Oh and that Celtchar wasn't the Servant I was referring to. Celtchar was a spur of the moment 'hey this illustration matches my headcanon!' thing that resulted in me churning the above out in a little over the space of an hour.

    If I were to do more sheets they would be revisions of already established Servants. Namely:

    Jeanne D'Arc
    Boudica
    Bedivere
    Romulus

    - - - Updated - - -

    The one I was talking about earlier was Kriemhild. Which, I'm 1.5/4 of the way toward completing.

  10. #750
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shrapnel View Post
    If I were to do more sheets they would be revisions of already established Servants. Namely:

    Jeanne D'Arc
    Boudica
    Bedivere
    Romulus
    Revisions, huh? I did one of Bedivere myself so it'll be interesting to compare. No sure what's really wrong with Romulus or Jeanne honestly since they seem to hew fairly close to the classic conception of those characters (and Romulus in particular is a downright crazy awesome patriot for ROMA!).

    Celtchar was pretty well-done. I appreciated the genderbend (though I was the only one who did those around here!). Her Skills and NPs went together well to create the impression of a bloodthirsty warrior. I also got a kick out of her the 'Celty' nickname mentioned in her lore.

  11. #751
    Knight of 'Sumanai' Iceblade44's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shrapnel View Post
    If I were to do more sheets they would be revisions of already established Servants. Namely:

    Jeanne D'Arc
    Boudica
    Bedivere
    Romulus

    Yeah Boudica really needs a revision. While i like the concept of a protective older sister they used for her, they did it poorly in Grand Order and put a little to much on emphasis of her as an eroge character that gets raped, especially in her interlude. I really just want to see her summoned in a proper Grail War for we to see more of her better qualities.
    "Only in my company, will you not be a monster"


    anywhere than here

  12. #752
    Dead Apostle Eater Historia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RoydGolden View Post
    Revisions, huh? I did one of Bedivere myself so it'll be interesting to compare. No sure what's really wrong with Romulus or Jeanne honestly since they seem to hew fairly close to the classic conception of those characters (and Romulus in particular is a downright crazy awesome patriot for ROMA!).

    Celtchar was pretty well-done. I appreciated the genderbend (though I was the only one who did those around here!). Her Skills and NPs went together well to create the impression of a bloodthirsty warrior. I also got a kick out of her the 'Celty' nickname mentioned in her lore.
    While there's the whole thing about the legend/widely accepted/most known aspect of a Heroic Spirit being what the Grail summons instead of how they actually are/might have been (I think so, yeah? Can't explain it very well, blah blah). For the most part, anyway. I want to depict Jeanne closer to how she was in real life, not as the Saint the Church canonized her as. She was a riot, lemme tell ya. Romulus is too ROMA! for my liking and it's just... no. Needs more wolves and blood and violence. Speaking of Romans, Julius Caesar could use a makeover...

    - - - Updated - - -

    And Boudica couldn't fight her way out of a paper bag (that's a joke, but, uh...)
    Last edited by Historia; September 22nd, 2016 at 02:04 PM.

  13. #753
    Gorgeous~! Happy~! Elegant~! Bobin's Avatar
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    When Martha's character came around my first thought was that there had to be mix up between her and Jeanne's.
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  14. #754
    鬼 Ogre-like You's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shrapnel View Post
    While there's the whole thing about the legend/widely accepted/most known aspect of a Heroic Spirit being what the Grail summons instead of how they actually are might have been (I think so, yeah? Can't explain it very well, blah blah).

    what the grail summons depends on the person, area, catalyst, and fame during the time of summoning.

    servants are aspects of a legend rather than the entire legend itself

    the archer part, the saber part, the assassin part, etc and the legend surrounding that part is what determines the Servant. The general stuff may be there but it's just general stuff.
    Basically, if a Herioc Spirit is a book, a Servant is only one chapter being read. Which chapter that is read depends the factors above other things.

    ROMA as a Lancer is him as the God-Emperor founder of Rome. That is the aspect of the legend that was summoned because that's what the Lancer legend is. I am sure his Berserker form will be different.
    Last edited by You; September 22nd, 2016 at 02:03 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by FSF 5, Chapter 14: Gold and Lions I
    Dumas flashed a fearless grin at Flat and Jack as he rattled off odd turns of phrase.
    "And most importantly, it's me who'll be doing the cooking."
    Though abandoned, forgotten, and scorned as out-of-date dolls, they continue to carry out their mission, unchanged from the time they were designed.
    Machines do not lose their worth when a newer model appears.
    Their worth (life) ends when humans can no longer bear that purity.


  15. #755
    Dead Apostle Eater Historia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by You View Post
    what the grail summons depends on the person, area, catalyst, and fame during that time period.

    servants being aspects rather than the legend itself is generally only one part of the legend

    the archer part, the saber part, the assassin part, etc and the legend surrounding that part is what determines the Servant. The general stuff may be there but it's just general stuff.
    Yeah, this.

  16. #756
    鬼 Ogre-like You's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shrapnel View Post

    And Boudica couldn't fight her way out of a paper bag (that's a joke, but, uh...)
    if you look at boudica's sheet
    she's actually decent.
    for a defensive battle.
    against romans.
    Quote Originally Posted by FSF 5, Chapter 14: Gold and Lions I
    Dumas flashed a fearless grin at Flat and Jack as he rattled off odd turns of phrase.
    "And most importantly, it's me who'll be doing the cooking."
    Though abandoned, forgotten, and scorned as out-of-date dolls, they continue to carry out their mission, unchanged from the time they were designed.
    Machines do not lose their worth when a newer model appears.
    Their worth (life) ends when humans can no longer bear that purity.


  17. #757
    Dead Apostle Eater Historia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by You View Post
    if you look at boudica's sheet
    she's actually decent.
    for a defensive battle.
    against romans.
    sorry i was too busy looking at her lack of clothing to notice and

  18. #758
    分かろうとするな、感じれ Mcjon01's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Iceblade44 View Post
    Yeah Boudica really needs a revision. While i like the concept of a protective older sister they used for her, they did it poorly in Grand Order and put a little to much on emphasis of her as an eroge character that gets raped, especially in her interlude. I really just want to see her summoned in a proper Grail War for we to see more of her better qualities.
    That's just Gudako and Roman being pervy nerds though, please don't think less of poor Boudica

  19. #759
    Heavens Feel Adlet's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RoydGolden View Post
    I meant in any particular Class. And King's Order (which lets SF's Herc use all the stuff from his twelve labors) is specifically noted as "crushing the very conventions of the Holy Grail itself" so it probably isn't a good example to use. He'd have some of the stuff depending on Class, but not all of it under any normal circumstance.

    You can keep the NP if you want (and it's good to see you already heeded my other suggestions) but I'm just saying four Noble Phantasms, when all but the absolute strongest and most famous heroes from myth only have about 2~3 comes off as unnecessary wank in a sheet that's already pushed to its limits in that regard.
    Sorry for the late reply. I was gonna reply to you but got a bit lazy and put it off for a bit later... and then I just forgot about it. Anyways, I decided to remove Swastika if it really made him more overpowered than he should be but aside from that, which specific parts make him wanked as the sheet is right now - without the additional skills and the Swastika NP? I was actually trying to go for a more balanced Servant here that was only really strong against a specific group of Servants aside from Longinus.

    Longinus is that overpowered because I was basing it off of Rhongomyniad which in itself is a ridiculously powerful NP, so I don't particularly see why Longinus would be any weaker than it. Though, I did give it limitations despite that because it was in line for some of the legends about Longinus Lanze.

    Holocaust, on the other hand, is actually a really weak NP despite it's rank. For story purposes (no, I'm not actually writing a story, too lazy for that even though I have ideas), it's meant to be a NP for Hitler to cast on a Master-Servant pair to keep them out of the picture in a secluded area for a while until he does whatever he needs to do in the real world without being bothered and targeted by that Master-Servant pair.

    Blitzkrieg could be overpowered depending on how you look at it. Man attribute Servants will feel the full blunt of the Anti-Army power possessed by it, but all other attribute Servants will just brush it off for the most part.

  20. #760
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adlet View Post
    Sorry for the late reply. I was gonna reply to you but got a bit lazy and put it off for a bit later... and then I just forgot about it. Anyways, I decided to remove Swastika if it really made him more overpowered than he should be but aside from that, which specific parts make him wanked as the sheet is right now - without the additional skills and the Swastika NP? I was actually trying to go for a more balanced Servant here that was only really strong against a specific group of Servants aside from Longinus.
    Other then that, I'd say the sheet's fine actually. Not sure what others would think, though... (as I said, I'm probably more tolerant of OP Chuuni stuff then most here)

    Though, now that Swastika's gone you should get rid of the mention of it in the last sentence of his Holocaust NP.

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