Create-A-Servant 2

[SleepMode]

Caster!Cain: Finally, the Cains are all here. And the recent arrival is much edgier than the Berserker version. Honestly, this aspect of Cain reminds me of a Disgaea-esque Overlord...

In seriousness, I'm continuing Arkanian's words about Aptitude for Slaughter; since Cain was the First Killer of Man, it would be reasonable to rephrase the Skill into "increased effectiveness and efficiency when used against human opponents or those who possess the Attribute of Man" rather than straight-up increased damage. Additionally, since the somewhat lackluster Cainite NP, wouldn't it be more special if they become more effective the more they kill, as if the blood of the innocents strengthens their primal urges even further. Perhaps this effect amplifies when Enoch is active, since it's basically a den of sin...

Those problems aside, this is a good sheet.

---

(btw, does "Heroes of Justice" mean anyone that's of the Good Alignment spectrum?)

[Sunny]

Class: Lancer
Alignment: Chaotic Evil
True Name: Suibhne mac Colmain, "Mad Sweeney"

"Servant, Lancer. Know me no more, o Master - for you summoned a flighty disgrace."

Profile:

Spoiler:

A former king of medieval northeast Ireland, Suibhne mac Colmain, later known as "Mad Sweeney," was cursed to madness by St. Ronan, a traveling saint scouting grounds to consecrate for a new church. When Suibhne treated their peaceful intentions with aggression, they tried to defuse the situation, only for it to grow progressively worse and one-sided, especially once Suibhne's land was caught up in the Battle of Mag Rath. While Suibhne built an army to participate in the war, Ronan's psalmists attempted to bless his troops with holy water. When they sprinkled him with holy water, Suibhne treated it as an insult and slayed the innocent man, casting his spear through the psalmists' body and killing him instantly.

When he tried to do the same to Ronan, the spear broke against Ronan's bell, leading the saint to pray to God to curse Suibhne to wander the world like a lost bird. Suibhne's wanderings would continue until the day he was slain in the same manner as the innocent psalmist. Unable to abide by human clothes, weapons, or society from that day on, Suibhne was forced to travel the island, sleeping in trees, surviving upon water and plants, and agonized by the cold and his isolation. Each day, he transformed further from the slender, graceful king he used to be, growing talons and feathers and becoming more and more of an animal under Ronan's curse.

Suibhne would wander for years, losing his wife, his kingdom, and his dignity - until he met a pathetic end, lodging in the stable of a parish on the mercy of its priest, drinking filthy water left on the floor by the cook and run through by a stablehand's spear from behind. Despite his madness, though, Suibhne grew to be a respected poet and wiser man due to his travels and suffering. While a brutish lord in life, he died a more noble creature, despite his frenzy.

Statistics:
Strength: B
Endurance: C
Agility: A
Mana: C
Luck: E
Noble Phantasm: B

Class Abilities:
Magic Resistance
Rank: B-
Cancel spells with a chant below three verses. Even if targeted by High-Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals, it is difficult for him to be affected. However, it has almost no effect against rites with a Christian foundation.

Personal Skills:
Mad Enhancement
Rank: D++
Strength and Endurance parameters are ranked up. Language ability is simple and continuing complex thoughts over long periods of time are difficult. While generally somewhat lucid, this skill increases in potency the longer Lancer spends on the ground or in one area, beginning to decay only once he relocates to a different area or position. If summoned as a Berserker, both the initial rank of this skill and the increased potency are magnified, resulting in accelerated physical changes and mutations into more of a grotesque bird-like hybrid, rather than a mere demihuman.

Nature of a Rebellious Spirit
Rank: B
The temperament to never remain at one location and never embrace a lord. A wandering star that does not have the capacity to be king nor is capable of finding his own king. Negates the effects of Charisma with the same rank.

Disengage
Rank: A
The ability to withdraw from the battlefield, or reset the battle conditions. This skill restores the conditions of a battle to its initial value. At the same time, it forcibly releases some of the bad status ailments inflicted on the user of this Skill. By taking flight, it is easy for Lancer to disengage from a battle when his madness gets to be too much, though in return he cannot stop himself from doing so.

Noble Phantasm(s):
Ros Bearaigh - Yew Tree of Exile
Type: Anti-Army
Rank: B
A gnarled spear of petrified wood, despite his class, Lancer rarely actually wields the weapon in combat, using it only as a pole for vaulting or perching on the handle of the weapon when unable to use a higher vantage point. Named after the first tree he made his home after his curse, he often leaves it where it sits during combat, fighting instead with his talons and strength. Trying to use it as a weapon often results in him dropping it, as he cannot abide by the tools or ways of man for long due to his curse. When he is able to wield it, however, his skill with the spear is significant, particularly as a thrown weapon.

When it is fully invoked, the spear flourishes with growth and vegetation, transforming into a towering yew in a forceful vertical eruption. At its full height, Ros Bearaigh is the very tree in which Lancer could wait out a sieging army, starving but protected by the great holy wood. It is difficult to scale, highly resistant to magic, and reduces the agility of any child of man who scales it, save Lancer himself.

Bell of Ronan - Tolling Bell of the Priest's Curse
Type: Anti-Unit (Self)
Rank: A
Both a blessing of protection and a curse, Lancer was cursed to die by only one means - the point of a spear, just like the priest he killed and the bell he pierced with his own lance. In exchange for his madness and partial transformation into a half-avian creature, Lancer's body is highly resistant to the elements as well as the point and edge of any weapons other than a spear, lance, or similar polearm. While he still feels pain, and can still be burned or frozen by exposure, injury is only skin-deep and reduced by a defensive value equal to B Rank.

On the other hand, should the weapon used to attack him be a spear, this Noble Phantasm is completely inactive, and Lancer's unarmored body can be easily cut down or pierced, especially given his tendency to fight unarmed. Should he be summoned as Berserker, this is easily accomplished by an enemy Lancer - but should he be called as Lancer, to seriously wound him is difficult save by his own weapon or use of a regular spear.

[RoydGolden]

Caster!Cain: Finally, the Cains are all here. And the recent arrival is much edgier than the Berserker version. Honestly, this aspect of Cain reminds me of a Disgaea-esque Overlord...

In seriousness, I'm continuing Arkanian's words about Aptitude for Slaughter; since Cain was the First Killer of Man, it would be reasonable to rephrase the Skill into "increased effectiveness and efficiency when used against human opponents or those who possess the Attribute of Man" rather than straight-up increased damage. Additionally, since the somewhat lackluster Cainite NP, wouldn't it be more special if they become more effective the more they kill, as if the blood of the innocents strengthens their primal urges even further. Perhaps this effect amplifies when Enoch is active, since it's basically a den of sin...

Those problems aside, this is a good sheet.

Fleshed out Aptitude For Slaughter a little as per what you and Arkanian suggested. I'll consider updating his first NP to reflect your advice as well, but that'll probably come tomorrow since it's a little late now where I'm posting this.

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(btw, does "Heroes of Justice" mean anyone that's of the Good Alignment spectrum?)

It was intentionally left kind of vague, but I figure anybody who considers themselves as fighting for justice or a righteous ideal would qualify. A basically good person who sees themselves as just protecting what's close to them without caring much for grand ideals may or may not, depending on their particular motives and actions. Though really, that kind of stuff would be left for fanfic to flesh out.

- - - Updated - - -

Suibhne: Wow, that's a really cool sheet. I don't have much to critique, since everything was really well-done and fleshed out. A very interesting take on a mythical figure I'd never heard of before, plus a perfectly fitting FC to boot. I would've imagined he'd have Monstrous Strength of some variety given his transformation, but you already folded that under Mad Enhancement so I guess it'd be kind of redundant...

[Arkanian]

First of all, much thanks for the feedback. I never thought of what you said regarding Innovation, but IMO that Skill mainly emphasizes the act of overturning an existing order rather then simply founding a new one from scratch.

Well, the previous order was "not living in cities," and he overturned it with "cities you can live in" I doubt anyone would really object if you used Innovation for it, but I can see your reasoning.

I kinda' see what you mean on the NPs, especially the first one. Wasn't really sure how to pull off the Cainites, so it's mainly the imagery of them "budding off" from his body that sets it apart from similar "minion summoning" abilities.

Well, tossing out a few ideas here... maybe their strength is relative to their opponent's current bloodlust (or lack thereof), or perhaps their number and how quickly they spawn is bolstered by how bloody the history of those present is, or maybe they spawn from the people around Cain instead of him based on the strength of their own penchant for slaughter. Stuff like that.
That's just off the top of my head though, I'll think on it a bit more.

I disagree with you about the city though. It seems pretty stuffed to the gills already, so I'm not honestly sure what else to add. It already has Anti-Divinity stuff, sin amplification and crazy-huge hordes of mooks to do Caster's bidding.

I didn't say it needed to be stronger; I said it needed to be a bit more interesting. Admittedly I don't have much room to talk, since it's pretty similar to thee NP I made for Caster!Vlad III, but my comment was more aimed at the Cainites than the city anyway. Spicing up the Cainites would probably address any issues with the city in that area.

I didn't want to include the Mark amongst his NPs because it wouldn't fit the theme I had going with the rest of his sheet and I felt he was already powerful enough as is.

I agree that it probably doesn't need to be included. I'm just saying that if you're deciding not to include it you should probably include an in-universe reason for that.

[RoydGolden]

I agree that it probably doesn't need to be included. I'm just saying that if you're deciding not to include it you should probably include an in-universe reason for that.

I did though. I said that the Mark has faded because he's abandoned the life of a wanderer (seeing as the Mark symbolized the period in life where he wandered the earth). Do you want me to go into more detail?

- - - Updated - - -

By the way, on the topic of fleshing out his Cainites NP, would it be reasonable to say that enough Cainites could combine together to form larger and more powerful (and monstrous) ones called "Nephilim"? Since the Nephilim were sometimes identified with the children of Cain and it fits with the whole theme of humanity's base and barbaric aspects that Cain's civilization exemplifies.

[Sunny]

I would've imagined he'd have Monstrous Strength of some variety given his transformation, but you already folded that under Mad Enhancement so I guess it'd be kind of redundant...

Mm. Honestly, not a bad idea, though? It might fit better than Lu Bu's rebellion, which I included just to try and catch the FORCED WANDERLUST thing. Monstrous Strength might give him some more 'oomph' for fighting unarmed. Though yea, I folded the transformation part a bit into Mad Enhancement. But I might make that swap and reword it a bit.

I just really felt like he needed Mad Enhancement as a personal skill, even when he's not a Berserker. ^^; It's in his name, after all!

...Honestly, got thinking about him just because of American Gods being on TV now, and League finally gave me a good faceclaim for a half-bird that isn't, well. Birdman or this guy.

[Arkanian]

I did though. I said that the Mark has faded because he's abandoned the life of a wanderer (seeing as the Mark symbolized the period in life where he wandered the earth). Do you want me to go into more detail?

Ah, so it's me being illiterate instead. Whoops. It's fine then, sorry.

By the way, on the topic of fleshing out his Cainites NP, would it be reasonable to say that enough Cainites could combine together to form larger and more powerful (and monstrous) ones called "Nephilim"? Since the Nephilim were sometimes identified with the children of Cain and it fits with the whole theme of humanity's base and barbaric aspects that Cain's civilization exemplifies.

It seems a bit odd to have them coming multiple individuals combining instead of being born from them (from enough of them dying in one spot, maybe?), but the only version of Nephilim I'm familiar with are the "human/fallen angel hybrid" type so it could probably be appropriate and I just don't know enough.

[RoydGolden]

...Honestly, got thinking about him just because of American Gods being on TV now, and League finally gave me a good faceclaim for a half-bird that isn't, well. Birdman or this guy.

This also wouldn't be a half-bad FC for a birdman, though yours probably fit better for the character in question (more "monstrous yet beautiful" rather then "pretty monster-boy").



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Ah, so it's me being illiterate instead. Whoops. It's fine then, sorry.

...Just so I know, you did read the Key Words/Craft Essence stuff, right?

[Arkanian]

...Just so I know, you did read the Key Words/Craft Essence stuff, right?

Er... No. No I did not. I opened it, parsed it as "poetic backstory that I'm too tired to try to interpret right now," and dismissed it as "not part of the sheet proper" before moving on.

Kind of a mistake, in retrospect.

[RoydGolden]

Er... No. No I did not. I opened it, parsed it as "poetic backstory that I'm too tired to try to interpret right now," and dismissed it as "not part of the sheet proper" before moving on.

Kind of a mistake, in retrospect.

Ah, that explains it.

Can't blame you though. I often skim over history and the like in Servant sheets, especially if tired.

[sherlock1110]

Cain: Coming into this thread and seeing one of your Cain sheets makes me happy, thanks . I don't think there's anything to add here as the Servant makes sense and is well developed. Maybe the only question I could ask is whether or not using the blood of a Heroic Spirit is in any way different when invoking Enoch when compared to using a regular human as otherwise I don't see a Servant being used in initiating the Noble Phantasm. Sorry that it's not the best feedback you've done a good job honestly.

Suibhne: Seeing Servants who at times blur the boundaries between classes can be quite interesting and in this case you made a Lancer class Servant who has a lot of options for running away. Both the Noble Phantasms are interesting and it's less known characters like this that can be very interesting Servants. Overall you done good but now I want a flappy Lancer

[RoydGolden]

So, I added to Cain's first NP this morning like a bunch of people suggested.

Now a bunch of lesser Cainites can all glom together to form a bigger and badder "Nephilim", which both makes the NP a lot more formidable and hopefully fleshes it out a bit. Any thoughts?

[sherlock1110]

It's an interesting way of making the first Noble Phantasm more powerful, now Servants who disregard the Cainites (looking at you Gilgamesh) will be punished somewhat by the massive Nephilim appearing. However, I am now wondering if due to the large amount of Cainites produced by Enoch wouldn't this be more dangerous as Caster can now also start producing Nephilim in large numbers. It's still a good sheet regardless sorry
I know It's a bit rude to ask as well but I was wondering if I could get some criticism on my Leopold von Sacher Masoch sheet, I don't really know exactly where I went wrong with it (although I'll wager it's the NP).

[RoydGolden]

However, I am now wondering if due to the large amount of Cainites produced by Enoch wouldn't this be more dangerous as Caster can now also start producing Nephilim in large numbers. It's still a good sheet regardless sorry

That's true. I thought of adding a note as such in the second NP, but I figure it's fairly self-evident since the Cainites there still work the same way as on their own. I did think of adding something to the second NP that he can combine all the Cainite hordes there into some ridiculously huge Nephilim monster as a last resort, but I thought that might be too much.

[SleepMode]

That's true. I thought of adding a note as such in the second NP, but I figure it's fairly self-evident since the Cainites there still work the same way as on their own. I did think of adding something to the second NP that he can combine all the Cainite hordes there into some ridiculously huge Nephilim monster as a last resort, but I thought that might be too much.

Wasn't the Seven-Winged Nephilim the strongest version, so why not elaborate that the entire Cainite population can be exchanged for a lv.7 Nephilim?

[sherlock1110]

Thank you for making that clear, it was pretty self evident but I didn't know if that course of action would be acceptable with Cain producing an army of Phantasmal Beasts. It works I was just confused sorry thank you for your time

[RoydGolden]

Fuck it we going all out now. I just added an entirely new section in Caster's second NP about how he can combine all the Cainites within into a giant

Nephilim Tyrant

super-monster

. This is pretty ridiculous and almost certainly overpowered as all heck, but on the other hand it does make him a whole lot closer to the final boss-type character I originally envisioned.

Commentary would be nice of course. I at least want to get a reaction after writing up that monstrosity...

[sherlock1110]

Well that's awesome. I'm still quite impressed you write like this on the fly though considering this seemed quite unplanned on your part . It's a Noble Phantasm that is mainly constrained from being too overpowered by Cain's own reservations in using it, it does make him quite the final boss character and though I feel I'm really being pushy with this sheet (sorry about that, it's just such an awesome Caster sheet you've made) but I personally can see the Nephilim Tyrant being the product in some ways of Caster's "I must be a villain" train of thought, the only proper thing I can add at this point is that perhaps it would take Enoch to be in existence for a day or two before the Nephilim Tyrant could be used. Perhaps it seems stupid, and coming from me it probably is, but it would make sense that a certain amount of Cainites would have to be spawned before the Nephilim Tyrant could be used and putting a time on this rather than an exact number might work well. It is also because enabling a Caster class Servant to take one human being, then killing them summon Enoch and then immediately summoning the Nephilim Tyrant and just going all in might seem strange but if a Master with highly destructive tendencies was in charge of Caster it would be possible. Again sorry my criticisms probably aren't worth the time you are giving them though
Wait did you just make Enoch into a "Turns into a Demon" Noble Phantasm

[4score7years]

Well that's awesome. I'm still quite impressed you write like this on the fly though considering this seemed quite unplanned on your part . It's a Noble Phantasm that is mainly constrained from being too overpowered by Cain's own reservations in using it, it does make him quite the final boss character and though I feel I'm really being pushy with this sheet (sorry about that, it's just such an awesome Caster sheet you've made) but I personally can see the Nephilim Tyrant being the product in some ways of Caster's "I must be a villain" train of thought, the only proper thing I can add at this point is that perhaps it would take Enoch to be in existence for a day or two before the Nephilim Tyrant could be used. Perhaps it seems stupid, and coming from me it probably is, but it would make sense that a certain amount of Cainites would have to be spawned before the Nephilim Tyrant could be used and putting a time on this rather than an exact number might work well. It is also because enabling a Caster class Servant to take one human being, then killing them summon Enoch and then immediately summoning the Nephilim Tyrant and just going all in might seem strange but if a Master with highly destructive tendencies was in charge of Caster it would be possible. Again sorry my criticisms probably aren't worth the time you are giving them though

I think this is a smart suggestion. For balance, and also for dramatic tension.

Consider: If the city goes up, and the other masters somehow figure out the possibilty of Cain summoning this Nephilim Tyrant from the Cainites, then suddenly they've got a "time-limit" to kill Cain before he can use that aspect of the Noble Phantasm. Plus, it gives them an incentive to go into the city and hunt him down. And thus, dramatic tension ensues.



However, of course, it leaves open the possibility that he could just use it as a last resort later on, like how it is now. So I think it just opens the possibilities for his use in some sort of a narrative.

[SleepMode]

Another question, the Servant I'm working on was deified in certain places, but he was definitely human, should he have a E-ranking Divinity Skill, or just ignore it entirely?