Create-A-Servant 2

[Historia]

As I'm reformatting and revamping old sheets, I wonder if anyone has an opinion on Nero's grandmother, Agrippina the Elder.

Also, just throwing this out for what must be the third or fourth time:

About the OP being updated, let's face it: I'm not. I don't have the time. My plan was to let everyone be responsible for indexing their own sheets to remove clutter and whatnot. Originally. I stopped caring.

[Bugs]

I remember someone (Arashi maybe) saying that not every person with divine ancestry needs Divinity as a skill. Golden Rule Body would work just as well.

I don't like the NP.

Other than that it's fine.

[RoydGolden]

About the OP being updated, let's face it: I'm not. I don't have the time. My plan was to let everyone be responsible for indexing their own sheets to remove clutter and whatnot. Originally. I stopped caring.

If you don't have as much free time as you thought, maybe consider handing over the responsibility to someone else?

[Historia]

If you don't have as much free time as you thought, maybe consider handing over the responsibility to someone else?

Also for what must be the third or fourth time, whoever would like to is more than welcome.

[King of Padoru]

I can give it a try if you don't mind. Right now I don't have much to do, so if you give me one or two weeks, I can do something about the index

[Lambda-Nu]

I'll help out a little bit with updating the OP.

[Historia]

You have to message one of the mods.

[Dragolord09]

Decided to say, "screw it", and am now posting the first sheet I've (hopefully) finished. I'm working under two personal rules here: One is "don't overreach or overwork yourself when making your sheet" and two is "don't do Servants that have already been done (and no variations on existing Servants either), even ones that have been done off this site".

Eurydice
Class: Caster
Region of Origin: Greece
Time Period: 10^th BC
Alignment: Lawful Neutral
Gender: Female


PARAMETERS

Strength D
Endurance C
Agility C
Mana A
Luck C+
Noble Phantasm C

Class Skills
Item Construction – D
The Skill to manufacture magical items. Due to her being an oak nymph, she is able to make basic nature-themed trinkets and charms.


Territory Creation – X
This Skill has been modified into Territory Synchronization due to her abilities as an oak nymph.


Personal Skills
Divinity – C
Eurydice was said to be an oak nymph, one of the daughters of Apollo in mythology, thus her rank reflects both the fact that she is a minor nature spirit and the daughter of a god.


Weakness (Venom) – E
Due to how her life ended, she is extremely weak to venom and can be killed if a large amount of it was injected into her.


Dance of Devotion – B
Her joyful dancing was so effective to those around her that it made others lust for her. This dancing is able to affect those who lack mental defenses or protection (Skills like Mental Pollution, Mad Enhancement, etc.), and allow her to utilize said lust for various commands like, “attack your fellow soldiers” or “retreat back to the fortress”.

Territory Synchronization – C
Nymphs are said to be Divine Spirits who animate nature and are difficult to move once latched onto a place. As such, Caster is able to sync up with a chosen area of leylines (the best being those located in conditions resembling that of Ancient Greece and the worst being modern day cities like New York City) and improve her Mana regeneration as well as her ability to manufacture nature-themed magical items.


Noble Phantasm

Shades of Hades

Between the Boundaries of Life and Death

Rank: C
Type: Anti-Personal
Range: 20
Maximum Targets: 10 people

A Noble Phantasm based on Orpheus’ failed attempt to get her out of the Underworld; she is able to create several realistic shades that are able to fool most people due to their ability to move, speak, and act like her (except those with detection-type Skills and similar techniques) but slowly dissipate under the sunlight as they fade away. In short, the Eurydice you aim at may not be the real thing and by the time you realize it, she’ll have flown the coop.



Biography

Eurydice was the wife of Orpheus, who loved her dearly; on their wedding day, he played joyful songs as his bride danced through the meadow. One day, Aristaeus saw and pursued Eurydice, who stepped on a viper, was bitten, and died instantly. Distraught, Orpheus played and sang so mournfully that all the nymphs and deities wept and told him to travel to the Underworld to retrieve her, which he gladly did. After his music softened the hearts of Hades and Persephone, his singing so sweet that even the Erinyes wept, he was allowed to take her back to the world of the living. In another version of that tale, Orpheus played his lyre to put Cerberus, the guardian of Hades, to sleep, after which Eurydice was allowed to return with Orpheus to the world of the living. Either way, the condition was attached that he must walk in front of her and not look back until both had reached the upper world. Soon he began to doubt that she was there, suspecting that Hades had deceived him. Just as he reached the portals of Hades and daylight, he turned around to gaze on her face, and because Eurydice had not yet crossed the threshold, she vanished back into the Underworld. When Orpheus later was killed by the Maenads at the orders of Dionysus, his soul ended up in the Underworld where he was reunited with Eurydice.

[34]

Eurydice: First, sorry if I'm being rude or too blunt. So, the sheet is not bad, for your first sheet, but feels underwhelming. I can see that you don't "overwork nor overreach yourself" in the sheet, but the sheet just feels dry and basic as result. Overall, if not for the weakness, or her NP saying that it is based on her story, or the Wikipedia lore, I feel like she is just a random oak nymph than one of the main character in one of the most famous Greek legend.

[Dragolord09]

Never could get the hang of either the Personality or Relationship sections nor of any bonus like Bond CE or a quick story, still criticism is always welcome. I'll be posting the other two sheets I have done later on.

[Historia]

Eurydice: I feel like she is just a random oak nymph than one of the main character in one of the most famous Greek legend.

I actually would like to see you play with this angle a bit more. Make Eurydice not the Eurydice, but a Eurydice.

Something akin to Angra Mainyu.

EDIT: or, even, dunno, Jack the Ripper.

[Dragolord09]

Here's sheet #2:

Phidias
Class: Caster
Region of Origin: Greece
Time Period: 5^th BC
Alignment: Lawful Good
Gender: Male


PARAMETERS

Strength E
Endurance D
Agility D
Mana A
Luck C+
Noble Phantasm EX

Class Skills
Territory Creation – B
Creation of a high-quality Workshop is possible. Once established, Caster is quite adept at processing stone and metal in his factory.


Item Construction – B+
Caster can manufacture virtually any mundane item with the aid of his Workshop.



Personal Skills
Sculpture – A
An offshoot of Caster's Item Construction, it allows for the creation of golems and familiars from stone and metal. Caster's familiars gather raw material from the surrounding area and use his Workshop, producing foot soldiers with machine-like efficiency.


Eye For Art – C+
A skill picked up from being a pupil of the famous sculptors, Hegias and Ageladas. If a Servant shows any sign of artistic significance, Caster can discern their identity much more easily, even more so if they use either the Golden Ratio or Classical Greek style of sculpting.



Noble Phantasm

Statue of Zeus

Embodiment of Divine Power

Rank: EX
Type: Anti-Army
Range: 70
Maximum Targets: 100 people

Caster’s crowning achievement, a 26 meter tall sculpture of the god Zeus formed out of ivory and gold plates overtop a wooden framework able to be constructed within a couple days at peak efficiency within his workshop. While able to hold its own against giants and similarly-sized beings, its true power is the ability to channel the power of Zeus himself in order to produce lightning bolts it can throw at its foes with devastating effect. In times of desperation, Caster can channel mana into his statue and allow Zeus to sublimate the statue for a short period of time and allow the awesome might of a true Divine Spirit to be unleashed on his enemies, until either the strain of upkeep kills him or the World will destroy this violation in due time, whichever comes first.


Biography

Phidias was considered the greatest of Greek sculptors and he became the dominant artistic figure of the fifth century BC. His statue of Zeus in Olympia was one of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World. Phidias was born in Athens. He became a friend and adviser to Pericles and helped him to beautify Athens after the Greek victory over Persia. He received the commission to execute the chief statues for the city, and became superintendent of all public works. He created the symbol of Athens, the statue 'Athena', and he supervised the construction of the Propylaea and the Parthenon. Charged by his enemies with appropriating gold from the statue, he disappeared from Athens, presumably into exile.

[Shiki-pon]

Phidias: Good sheet in the technical aspects, though I don't think Statue of Zeus really qualifies as EX-rank except on full release, so that might benefit from something like A+~EX ranking or splitting into two NPs. Sculpture also feels a bit redundant (also kinda similar to Avicebron) since he already has a + ranked Item Construction. I might suggest something along the lines of Sculpting the Divine or Divine Sculptor, allowing him to imbue Divinity onto his creations.
And as noted earlier, even a small bit of character info would be good. I'm no good at those either, so just think of something loosely fitting, maybe twist the Servant's legend to fit into some character archetype (not that much conscious effort goes into that). A description of appearance might be nice too, though with Phidias one can guess that it's a toga-wearing beardo.

[Dragolord09]

Here's my last one (didn't want to spam the thread with all three at the same time). I'll see if I can't work on personality and character appearance on my next one:

Croesus

Class: Caster

Region of Origin: Lydia
Time Period: 6^th BC
Alignment: Lawful Neutral
Gender: Male


PARAMETERS

Strength D
Endurance D
Agility D
Mana A
Luck D+
Noble Phantasm EX

Class Skills
Item Construction (False) – C
The Skill to manufacture magical items. In Croesus’ case, it is labelled (False) because in spite of possessing no such ability of his own, he can produce reproductions of many different low-level magical objects through a function of his Noble Phantasm.


Territory Creation – --
The skill to build a special terrain that is advantageous to oneself as magus. Croesus does not possess this Skill as he did not possess that kind of knowledge or techniques in life. It is effectively rendered obsolete by his powerful Noble Phantasm, in any case.


Personal Skills
Golden Rule – B+
A measure of one’s fortune to acquire wealth. Croesus was so wealthy that the old expression "as rich as Croesus" originates in reference to him. His wealth, it is said, came from the sands of the River Pactolus in which the legendary King Midas washed his hands to rid himself of the 'Midas Touch' (which turned everything he laid hands on into gold) and in so doing, the legend says, made the sands of the river rich with gold. Croesus is credited with issuing the first true gold coins with a standardized purity for general circulation. Indeed, the use of gold and silver coinage is attributed first to Lydian civilization. However, they were quite crude, and were made of electrum, a naturally occurring pale yellow alloy of gold and silver. The composition of these first coins was similar to alluvial deposits found in the silt of the Pactolus River, which ran through the Lydian capital, Sardis. Later coins, including some in the British Museum, were made from gold purified by heating with common salt to remove the silver.


Charisma – B-
A composite Skill consisting of a person's charm as well as the natural talent to command or unify an army or country. It increases the ability of allies during group battles. A rare talent, and an ability inherent to Servants of the Saver class. At this rank it is sufficient to lead a nation as its King/Queen. The morale of military forces he or she commands is extremely high, though due to the disastrous effects of the last campaign that Caster participated in, there is some unevenness in its effect.



Noble Phantasm

Temple of Artemis

Both Bank and Church to Travelers and Citizens

Rank: EX
Type: Anti-Army
Range: 85
Maximum Targets: 200 people

A Noble Phantasm showcasing the duality of Croesus’ wealth and the faith preserved within the rebuild temple designed and constructed by the Cretan architect Chersiphron and his son Metagenes. Originally its original function was an ability/attribute booster through the blessing of its patron goddess Artemis based on the faith and belief of its caster. However with its new sponsor Croesus it has also gained the ability to act as a combination bank/mint in reference to his great wealth. In addition, whatever items and goods that were offered to the temple during its lifetime (among them several low-level magical items) are available for Croesus to use as he sees fit.


Biography

Croesus was the last king of Lydia of the Mermnadae dynasty, which had ruled much of Asia Minor since 680 B.C. The father of Croesus was Alyattes, and during his reign (609-560 B.C.), Lydia conquered many of the Greek cities on the Ionian coast, and made them pay tribute. As a consequence of this, and also the discovery of some gold and silver mines in Asia Minor, they kingdom of Lydia became very rich. Croesus inherited this wealth, and continued his father's policy of conquest until virtually all of Asia Minor was subdued. He developed a friendly relationship with the Greeks however, and generously contributed to some of their temples.
When Cyrus of Persia conquered the kingdom of Medes, whose king Astyages was an ally of Lydia, Croesus began to prepare for war against Persia. He made alliances with Egypt, Babylon and Sparta for the defense of Lydia, and he consulted with the Oracle at Delphi. The first battle of the war with Cyrus inconclusive, but when Croesus returned to Sardis for the winter, the Army of Cyrus followed him, and unexpected besieged and conquered the city. Instead of killing Croesus, however, Cyrus made him an advisor and confidant, and Croesus spent the rest of his life at the court of the Persian King.

[King of Padoru]

Golden Rule higher than Gil's? No, thanks

[Dragolord09]

Good point (I knew I forgot to make that one last change before posting it). Still, should be fixed now.

[King of Padoru]

Good. If you allow me some other nitpicks, his NP being a temple should give him a high rank in Territory Creation rather than making him lose it, the "magical items" should be described, and Item Construction (Fake) could be normal, to be honest

[RoydGolden]

Good. If you allow me some other nitpicks, his NP being a temple should give him a high rank in Territory Creation rather than making him lose it, the "magical items" should be described, and Item Construction (Fake) could be normal, to be honest

If you assume he's summoning items from his temple then the (False) variation makes sense, since it's the same principle of Caster Gil summoning stuff from GOB.

[King of Padoru]

Hm, right. For some reason, I thought Caster Gil had normal IC

[massive_jojo_reference]

Yeah i should have saved my edgy beast nero sheet for this page.