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Thread: Create-A-Servant 2

  1. #4621
    So Many Ideas, So Little Time SleepMode's Avatar
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    Feel free to offer critique about this Servant, and if you can, offer ideas to improve it!

    (Note that this Servant is actually of historical origins, not from the movie.)

    "Greetings, Master! I, Ser Ulr- er, I mean, Servant Lancer at your service. Fret not, with my peerless skill with the lance, the Grail War is good as won!"


    Appearance:
    https://www.pinterest.com/pin/107382772340214328/

    (Without helmet): https://www.pinterest.com/pin/473933560756881323/

    Servant Class: Lancer

    True Name: Ulrich Von Liechtenstein, Heartbroken Chevelier

    Place of Origin: Germany

    Alignment: Lawful Neutral

    Attribute: Man

    Alternate Classes: Rider

    Catalyst: The original pages from the book “Frauendienst

    Likes: Fair fights, Helping people

    Dislikes: Unrequited Love, The color green, Swimming

    Talents: Jousting, Writing songs

    Natural Enemy: His scars

    Parameters:

    Strength - B
    Endurance - B
    Agility - B (Plate armor is lighter than it looks)
    Mana - D
    Luck - E
    N.
    Phantasm - D+ (C+)

    Background:
    Spoiler:

    Ulrich Von Liechtenstein was a renowned knight and minstrel of Medieval Germany. Aside from writing various bardic songs, the knight boasts an unmatched skill in jousting and the mastery of the lance. He was famous for writing the “autobiography/poetry” Frauendienst; where it details his supposed “Love Quest” to win the love of the Lady he served. Although its creditability is debatable, it served as a outline of the lives and standards of chivalric knights to this day.

    While the book was mostly fictional, it does have certain elements of truth within.

    Born in around 1200, Ulrich was initially born in an family of lessor nobles. The his youth, Ulrich was constantly harassed for his scars. As a result, the 12-year-old boy received training as a page to a unknown lady of a higher station as an effort to outshine his detractors. However, Ulrich fell in love with the Lady, and planned to fight in her honor. As he did confess to her, the Lady would only accept him once he earned his name in the world. Thus when he was finally knighted 10 years later, Ulrich went out into the world, donning her Lady’s color, and gained fame in her name.

    The more fame he garnered, the more Ulrich pushed to become even more renowned. By that point, the knight broke over 300 lances within his career; each lance for one of his opponents. With each victory, men and maiden came to admire and even loved him. He also wrote numerous songs expressing the tales of his valiant adventures and deeds, hoping to spread his own popularity across the lands.

    However, all of that seemed to be for naught. The Lady never replied to Ulrich’s gifts and letters.

    Believing that it was his scars that appalled her, the knight opted for a surgery. Although the dangers were apparent, if it was for her love then so be it. Although the surgery didn’t kill Ulrich, the procedure had done little to improve his complexions. Having no choice, Ulrich traveled back to his Lady’s estate, never removing his helmet from his head.

    Upon arriving at the Lady’s estate, Ulrich was greeted by the Lady. Surprisingly, she seemed somewhat impressed with his loyalty towards her and planned a private reward from her. She explained that Ulrich needed to follow her to her secret garden, then she would fully accept him as her faithful knight. Once they’ve arrived at her chambers, the Lady told him to climb down the window using the rope by the edge of the window; and once they’ve climbed down, they would be at the garden. Excited, the knight obeyed; believing his hard work was finally rewarded. As he started climbing down, he realized something was amiss:

    There was a deep moat a the bottom.

    Before he can react, the Lady cut the rope causing the knight to fall into the water; seemingly tired and frustrated of Ulrich’s numerous declarations of love. After recovering from near-death via drowning, he fled the estate in shame. While Ulrich still continued his knightly deeds, he lacked the conviction that carried him. Eventually, he avoided any contact with women and then the public in general. Decades passed, and Ulrich passed away quietly within one of his castles in 1275.


    Personal Traits:
    Spoiler:

    Initially, Ulrich appears to be a narcissist; constantly boasting about his victories, sings about his feats and songs, and constantly self-promotes himself. Generally the Ulrich is a large ham, and can be difficult to talk to the knight without even mentioning himself once.

    However, all that display is just a front; in fact, with a simple retaliation one can reduce the knight into a stuttering mess. In truth, beneath all the false ego is merely a mellow and heartbroken man who’s wary of the idea of love and trust. When not in his “Knight Mode,” Ulrich is a hesitant but amicable man who prefers the training grounds with his lance to the company of other people. But if the individual earns his trust enough, he is able to talk to them with relative ease.

    Surprisingly, Ulrich has a knack of writing good bardic songs. While not of Mozart’s level, they certainly are enjoyable to hear during a feast. Along with his aptitude for writing music, the knight is also adept at singing. Although it will be difficult to persuade him to do so, since he doesn’t like to take off of his helmet.

    If Ulrich has a male Master, he would be more relaxed around him and would willingly drop his proud disposition when they talk. However, should Ulrich’s Master be female; he would be less obedient, and only helps them out of mere obligation. Outside of battle, the knight would be fairly distant to the female Master, and reply in short sentences when talked to. This isn’t him being sexist, but merely wary of women because of his unlucky encounter in his previous life.

    While difficult, it isn’t impossible for the female Master to make Ulrich open up to them. And assuming that the Master is successful, the knight would only consider her akin to a sister-figure. A broken heart is difficult to mend indeed.

    As for a wish from the Grail, it would be to allow him to find love once more after his “rejection” in life. Even with a wish-granting artifact, Ulrich doubts that he can ever find true love; but perhaps, maybe it’s worth a try…

    (Ulrich is somewhat frustrated that he can’t use spears without snapping them into splinters. Maybe he's too strong at using them…)

    (Tries to avoid the Knights of the Round Table whenever he can. Apparently, it involved Ulrich dressing as Arturia when he was alive and challenged numerous other knights in Styria and Austria…)


    Skills:

    Spoiler:

    Class Skills:

    Magic Resistance - B(Current rank is C) - grants protection against magical effects. Differing from the Resistance effect that merely rejects Magical Energy, this ability cancels the spells altogether.
    Cancels spells below three verses. Even if targeted by High-Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals, it is difficult for them to be affected. Most of Ulrich’s resistance comes his love for his Lady, for he believed that it can protect him. Due to losing his love for her, however, the Skill’s rank is lowered to C. Unless Ulrich learns to love again…

    Personal Skills:

    Knight Tactics - B - A battle methodology in which one grasps the flow of battle and induces the opponent to make a mistake, even without being a match for him/her in strength. A Skill not for self-strengthening, but to invite a check failure for the opponent. Consists of composed observation powers to wager on a momentary chance of victory.
    Being one of the most experienced knights in Germany, Ulrich knows the right moment to strike when the opponent shows even the smallest of openings.

    Beauty of Trouble With Women - C - A type of awareness that has been raised to a level of a curse. Mainly related to encounters and interactions with females.
    Whenever he encounters a female, it would be fairly easy for Ulrich to be drawn towards them. However, he wears a helmet to prevent direct eye contact. Additionally, Ulrich's heartbroken nature allows him to resist this Skill, lowering its rank to C.

    Alluring Nightingale - B- - A mesmerizing-kind of Skill possessed by those with a beautiful natural voice; it is also a declaration of the exercise of power by the royalty. It works as a charm magecraft-like effect towards those of the user's opposite sex, but evasion is possible by means of a Magic Resistance Skill. Even without Magic Resistance, one can abate it to some extent so long he or she maintains a will to resist.
    While Ulrich was adept in writing poems and songs, he was just as experienced in singing them. However, it receives a negative modifier due to his reluctance to sing in front of others and his helmet muffling his voice.

    Devotion to the Maiden - A(sealed) - A knightly Skill representing the Servant’s devotion to a female ally or Master, allowing a boost in the Servant’s attacks, movements or mental defenses if any of said actions are for the wellbeing or perseverance of reputation for the female. Note that the Skill only works if the Servant considers the female trustworthy and if not his Master, they must be of royal descent.
    Because of being betrayed by the one he loved most, Ulrich’s bitterness caused this Skill to be sealed away. Unless, the knight manages to love again…


    Craft Essence:
    Spoiler:


    My Venus Journey

    "It all began with a single promise.

    'I would spread my name, far and wide, just for you!' She smiled and nodded, giving me hope.
    It made me believe, made me believe that I can accomplish it; Years of riding the land, through storm, sleet, and snow. Those gestures brought me hope when I charged into battle in the name of some Lord Phillip, hoping that I could live to see another day. That sweet smile was my aegis, when I dueled countless knights in her name.

    I believed I was the luckiest man in the world.

    Heh.

    What a joke.

    I saw her smirk at my falling form as I fell down into the water, finally relieved to be rid of me.
    As if I was pest within her gaze.
    After dragging myself out of the freezing depths, I realized how desperate and foolish I was; to hope someone like her would even love me back. Would someone not judge me for my visage? Would anyone care for who I was underneath this suit of armor? Would anyone even remember me after I pass from this plane? Would anyone even care?

    Maybe those buffoons were right; I really am a nobody."



    Noble Phantasm:
    Spoiler:

    Chevalier's Bluff - Masquerade as the Lion King - D - Support -

    A Noble Phantasm formed from one of his more bizarre quests. Apparently at one point Ulrich was disguised as King Arthur, and went around Austria and Styria challenging knights left and right. Eventually, he even recreated a pseudo-Knights of the Round Table near the end. To this day, Ulrich look back with great embarassment.

    By activating the NP, Ulrich will physically change into Saber!Arturia's form; both in appearance and voice. Along with it, his Parameters will appear to match the King of Knights' too. Note that the Parameters doesn't really change, it's simply a bluff to the opponents. Additionally, Ulrich - now disguised as Arturia - can recreate replicas of Caliburn, Rhongomyniad and Excalibur for himself to wield. Also, he is able to conjure illusionary shades of the other knights of the Round Table, to complete the lie. However, if the opponents realizes that it's all a bluff, the NP will immediately disperse, making it useless against said opponent for the rest of the Grail War.

    Because this NP is essentially a bluff, the opponents have to be unaware of Ulrich's true personality, or the NP will have zero effect on them. And while he is able to look just like Arturia, Ulrich will still possess his hammy disposition - meaning you'll pretty much see an Arturia acting VERY out of character. Additionally, the weapon replicas are imitations, thus their rankings as individual NPs D. As for the illusionary Knights of the Round, they can't really harm anyone, they're just there to complete Ulrich's guise as Arturia.

    Chevelier’s Charge - A Promise Made Over 307 Broken Lances - D+ (Original rank: C+) - Anti-Unit -

    The manifestation of both of Ulrich’s greatest feat and greatest promise for his Lady: He would only return when he broke over 300 lances in combat. Initially thought impossible, Ulrich managed to break 307 lances when fighting against other knights; one broken for every one or two knights. While the Lady broke the promise in the end, the impressive feat lived on as a Noble Phantasm.

    Upon activating the NP, lancer would launch his lance up in the air, where it would split into 307 identical copies that are made of light. As the lances descend, Ulrich will randomly grab one and run through the target with it. As soon as the light-lance hit, it will dissipate, indicating that it “broke.” Then, the knight will grab another, and proceeds to pierce the target again. This would repeat in high-speed until Ulrich grabs the 307th lance - his real one - and lands the finishing blow.

    Unfortunately, upon landing the final blow, Ulrich’s real lance will break, making it unusable for battle. Repairing it will require a decent amount of time and mana to restore the lance to its previous state. And because of the promise was broken by the Lady, the NP is weaker than it actually is. Unless Ulrich had made another vow to a female or his Master(Female only), then the NP is restored back to its original power.
    Last edited by SleepMode; June 9th, 2017 at 01:01 AM. Reason: Added the False-Artoria NP (credits to Hakuro)

  2. #4622
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Bird of Hermes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RoydGolden View Post
    This Ur-Nungal sheet feels extremely similar to one Constructman (I think?) wrote up a while back. The inferiority complex with Gilgamesh, inferior version of the Gate Of Babylon and an NP based around degradation of civilization all remind me very much of that sheet. The main difference is that yours is a genderbend.
    I completely forgot about that sheet. It is similar, so no wonder I was unhappy with mine. That's a fair point about Gate of Babylon but until I have a better alternative. As for Dust of Uruk, the degradation of the city is literally the sole thing Ur-Nungal is known for.

    I know it's unoriginal and I've clearly been in a rut with these lately. Like I said, its unfinished and I put it up here so I could ask for ways to actually improve it

    Quote Originally Posted by Ail Don View Post
    The Curse of the Unrecorded is like one of the skills I made up for those obscure, non-existent people from history so that's cool. I feel like Dust of Uruk should have a penalty associated with it, but that's just me.
    Thanks regarding the skill, I may rework it a little bit. I'll also go back and give Dust of Uruk some conditions.

    - - - Updated - - -

    @Ulrich Von Liechtenstein: Since I've asked for feedback to improve my sheet I may as well give it as well. Simple but solid. The Noble Phantasm has a nice twist to it and all I'd change is some of the skills. As he already has Single Mindedness, a skill based around devotion seems redundant so I'd go with Beauty of Trouble of Women instead.

  3. #4623
    夜属 Nightkin Hakuro's Avatar
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    I once thought on a Ulrich servant, but in my thoughts he really deserves a NP related to the fact he pretended he was King Arthur and stuff. Like a skill or NP whose effect is buffing visually his Stats to other people, constantly declaring himself King of Knights, and maybe having fake Arthur weapons?

  4. #4624
    So Many Ideas, So Little Time SleepMode's Avatar
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    Thanks for the review, I did the correction as you recommended.

    Regarding Ur-Nungal: As for ways to improve it, The only things I can say is to elaborate on what makes her a Berserker Class, the effects it has on her character when summoned as the class(namely any specific traits?). And even though there wasn't much of a background to begin with, try to flesh one out anyway. It gives some insight to her character.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by Hakuro View Post
    I once thought on a Ulrich servant, but in my thoughts he really deserves a NP related to the fact he pretended he was King Arthur and stuff. Like a skill or NP whose effect is buffing visually his Stats to other people, constantly declaring himself King of Knights, and maybe having fake Arthur weapons?
    ...That's actually a very good idea. Thanks, let me see if I can elaborate on it.
    Last edited by SleepMode; February 21st, 2017 at 05:38 PM.

  5. #4625
    Class: Caster

    Alternate Classes: Rider, Shielder, Berserker, Avenger

    Gender: Male

    Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

    True Name: Marcus Antonius

    Appearance:
    Brutus? yeah, he's an honourable man, alright. Real honourable. If he says it, it must be true- although....


    Source
    Credits Art:

    "Marc Antony Reading the Will of Caesar", William Hinton

    Parameters:
    Strength: C
    Endurance: C
    Agility: D
    Mana: C
    Luck: A

    Class Skills:

    Territory Creation: C+ - Caster is unable to create a Workshop, but rather can create smaller, temporary bases. Caster's personality is not well suited to staying in one place for too long.

    Item Construction: D - Caster is able to create some minorly enchanted military equipment, but little else.

    Personal Skills:

    Incitement: A - The ability to use words and actions to lead the masses. Against and individual, it can function as a mental attack. While Caster was disliked by many, his earnestness and passion made him an excellent orator. The most triumphant example of this is his speech at Caesar's funeral, where he turned all of Rome against Brutus' conspirators with little more than words and showmanship.

    Hybrid Magecraft: C - A combination of Roman, Greek and Egyptian Magecraft. Caster never devoted himself to the path of a Magus, but rather learned whatever spells he could that would aid him in his military ambitions. In particular, he is a skilled Augur, able to read portents in the behaviour of birds. Much of his magecraft is based on the reversal of fate, using curses to burden his enemies and enchantments to bolster his allies.

    Sacrosanctity: B - As a Tribune of the Plebs, Caster was afforded this religious protection. Any who harm him become cursed by the gods, suffering misfortune from the Roman pantheon, of a strength and effect varying on the type and degree of harm. However, anyone with the Divinity skill of a rank equal or higher is considered to be acting with authority of the gods, and is immune to this effect. It is thought by some that the violation of Caster's Sacrosanctity by Pompey's supporters is the reason that Caesar crossed the Rubicon and plunged Rome into civil war.

    Military Tactics: D - Tactical knowledge for large-scale combat. While Caster was no military genius, he had a number of successes and enormous popularity amongst his troops. His competence in leading an army was enough to earn a place as Caesar's right-hand man, in any case. In particular, he shows great promise in leading armies across difficult terrain.

    Noble Phantasms:
    Encircling Siege Barrier
    Alesia Obsidia:
    C-rank Anti-Fortress

    One of Caesar's finest military victories, facilitated by Caster's magecraft. When besieging the Gallic settlement of Alesia, Caesar's forces heard of arriving reinforcements, and so, they built their own fortifications around the town. Bolstered by Caster, the walls outside, temporary though they were, became even stronger than the inner walls, and the forces were able to continue besieging even while being besieged.

    The Noble Phantasm can be activated against any encircling barrier, whether it is a physical wall, a magus' Bounded Field or even a Servant's defensive Noble Phantasm. Upon calling the ability's name, a barrier mimicking its form and special qualities - though with a golden glow that distinguishes it - will form around the existing barrier, with significant space in between, that Caster must occupy. Incidentally, the area is considered Caster's territory for the purposes of any skills. The barrier's formation takes far less time that its physical or magical construction would - a build the size of a house will take five minutes, but something towards the upper limits of this ability would take up to two hours. The barrier cannot be taken down by Caster without him or an ally actively damaging it enough.


    Thrice-Presented Kingly Crown
    Corona Lupercalia:
    B-rank Support

    The "kingly crown" that Caster presented to Caesar on the Lupercal festival. The timing was chosen to the festival's association with the wolf-mother of Romulus and Remus, and therefore with the legendary founder and king of Rome. It is a crown that confers the divine right of kingship to Rome, though Caesar refused it and its benefits.

    As a Noble Phantasm, the crown cannot be worn by Caster, only one that he deems worthy of it. He would never consider granting it to a Master he disliked, unless forced to. He would consider granting it to an enemy Servant if he considered them worth following and ceding the grail to them, though few would meet these criteria. It grants the skills Imperial Privilege, Charisma and Divinity, as well as a boost in all parameters. If given to a combat-capable Master, they would be able to fight on par with a Servant. It is a power that symbolises authority over Rome, that great civilisation that Romulus considered equal to the world.

    Of course, the last person to wear the crown of Rome met with an unfortunate end, as the people came to revile him and his station; both Caesar and Octavian were reluctant to take up the name of King. The authority it grants is a double-edged sword, and any that wear the crown will have their ill-deeds magnified in the eyes of the people. Abusing the power of the crown can only lead to a unceremonious end and a name that lives on only in infamy.


    Lore:
    Likes: Sex, Booze, Honest People
    Dislikes: Vexing Women, Young Upstarts
    Talents: Augury, Partying
    Natural Enemy: Octavian

    Interactions:

    Caesar: "By the Gods! It's so wonderful to see- wait, what's with that glare?"

    Brutus: "Oh, it's you. Hope you're ready for another beatdown, courtesy of yours truly!"

    Hercules: "You know, you must be my great, great, great-well, lots of greats-grandpa. You see the family resemblance, right?"

    Biography: At an early age, Marcus Antonius showed the promise of brilliance, but was quickly drawn into hedonistic and violent pursuits by the youths around him. After studying in Greece for some time, he was drawn into military conflicts in Egypt. He quickly distinguished himself, both in tactics and manner.

    It wasn't long before he came into the service of Caesar. The two hit it off immediately, Antonius admiring Caesar's power and vision, and Caesar seeing great potential in him. He spent some time campaigning in Gaul with Caesar, distinguishing himself further in the battle of Alesia. Soon after, though, he was sent to Rome to support Caesar while he was away. He proved useful, almost negotiating a reasonable compromise between Caesar and Pompey - however, he was driven out by Pompey's supporters, and the compromise was forgotten. He donned the guise of a slave and fled to regroup with Caesar.

    Perhaps this ill-treatment was the deciding factor in Caesar's decision to cross the Rubicon, or perhaps it was simply a useful excuse. In any case, the decision was made, and the civil war began. Over the course of it, Antonius proved himself again and again, and when Caesar took on the title of Dictator, he made Antonius his 'Master of Horse', leaving him in control of Rome as he pursued Pompey.

    It was here that things began to go wrong for Antonius. Left to his devices in Rome, he began a life of luxury and debauchery, falling out with other politicians and generally embarrassing Caesar. When Caesar returned, he chastised Antonius, though the two soon reconciled, after Antonius gave up his luxurious lifestyle. In fact, it was not long after this that Antonius attempted to crown Caesar - and though he refused, it proved a catalyst for the plotting of Brutus and Cassius.

    The conspirators recognised Antonius as the most dangerous man other than Caesar, and many of them wanted to kill him also. In fact, it was Brutus that saved Antonius' life, arguing that killing one tyrant was just, but also killing his followers was not. Instead, they had a group distract Antonius outside the senate house while the murder took place.

    After the murder, Antonius surprised the conspirators, by seeming to make peace with them, even calling the senate together to pardon them. However, this was a trick. Antonius had simply been biding his time, waiting for the perfect opportunity to turn the people against the conspirators. When he spoke at Caesar's funeral, he produced Caesar's bloody clothes and his generous will, and so whipped the crowd into a frenzy of anger. They turned against Brutus immediately, in a mob carrying torches lit from Caesar's pyre.

    Here, Antonius waged war against Brutus and his allies. Assisting him, though with no small amount of tension, was Octavian, Caesar's heir. In the war that followed, Antonius distinguished himself far more, easily destroying his opponent Cassius, while Octavian struggled to defeat Brutus. After the deaths of the conspirators, Antonius found himself perhaps the most powerful man in Rome...

    But what came after that is of little consequence to this particular Antonius; when summoned as Caster, his legend is more reflective of his earlier life, and his position as Caesar's right-hand man.

    Personality: Marcus Antonius is a man who can bear calamity bravely, but when fortunate and secure, tends to be drawn into a life of hedonistic overindulgence. For the most part, he is a simple and earnest man, willing to give lavish gifts to those who impress him. When he lead armies, he would happily eat and drink with his men, acting like an equal rather than a superior.

    Of course, he is also rather boastful, and rarely takes anything seriously. While he gets on well with common soldiers, he tends to grate on almost anyone else - though Caesar found his honesty refreshing. He respects any opponents with strong convictions, but this respect is unlikely to show until they're already dead. He'll happily team up with almost any opponent, but unless they are a superior 'leader' to Caesar, he'll definitely fight to the death after the alliance is done with.

    Marcus Antonius' personality is rather inappropriate for a Caster; he lacks focus and discipline, and would rather wade into the thick of battle than stand at the sidelines. He's happy to follow a Master, but if they don't impress him, he's unlikely to obey their orders. He would spend a great deal of time in the grail war simply enjoying the pleasures of the modern world. Incidentally, he enjoys wearing the garb of the common people, and will only wear his armour when it comes to battle. His wish is for Caesar to accept his crown, and to return to rule the world as the greatest king ever to live.


    So, I made Marc Antony. Or a Marc Antony, at least. I guess he could be considered a 'Lily' version of sorts, before all that stuff with Cleopatra went down. I'm considering doing a Berserker version of later Antony, though I'm struggling with Noble Phantasm ideas. Also, I must have watched this video at least ten times while I was doing this sheet. Brando makes a really good Antony.

  6. #4626
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Never seen a take on Marc Antony before the whole Cleopatra fiasco, so this was definitely interesting. Have to say, I honestly didn't realize just how close he was to Caesar originally. I wouldn't have thought of this guy as a Caster either (probably Saber or Rider) but I have to admit, you pulled the idea off in style.

  7. #4627
    It's All Good! 4score7years's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RoydGolden View Post
    I wouldn't have thought of this guy as a Caster either (probably Saber or Rider) but I have to admit, you pulled the idea off in style.
    ^^agreed. Hybrid Magecraft and Sacrosanctity are particularly good ideas, I think.

  8. #4628
    Special thanks to Daneel Rush and Bird of Hermes for inspiration - this sheet took quite a while.

    Class:
    Berserker (Caster, Rider)
    Alignment: Lawful Good
    Gender: Male
    Source: Historical/Mythological
    Location: Egypt

    Faceclaim:
    Spoiler:



    Height & Weight: 166 cm, 55 kg
    Likes: Peace, Family, Recreational Diving
    Dislikes: Pain, Loss, Reeds
    Talents: Service
    Natural Enemy: Hisui
    Attribute: Earth
    Traits: Human, Divine, Maid
    Armament: Iron Khopesh and Staff
    Element Affinity: Water

    Personality: A kind, loving and emotional cute baby panda of a man. He is demure and affectionate, possessing a character trait oft ascribed to the ideal Japanese’s Yamato Nadeshiko or Grecian’s Erômenos. Possessing a wisdom unfound in many other rulers – recognition of his inability – he heeded the counsel of his wife and half-sister and surrounded himself with competent generals and advisers.

    He is non-confrontational and unsuited to fighting.

    Parameters:
    STR: C (D)
    END: C (D)
    AGI: C
    MGI: A
    LUK: E
    Noble Phantasm: A


    Skills:
    Mad Enhancement: D


    Strength and Endurance parameters are up. Resistance to mental interference magecraft increases. In exchange, he forfeits independent agency, not that he have much of one anyway.


    Divinity: B


    The measure of whether one has Divine Spirit aptitude or not. At high levels one is treated as a mixed race of a Divine Spirit. It also has an effect which reduces special defensive values called 'purge defence' in proportion to the Divinity's Rank. It can break through Skills such as Protection of the Faith and Enlightenment of the Sacred Fig.
    At the same time that a ruler is one that controls the people and reigns over the land, a pharaoh is also someone who reaches the gods. A Pharaoh has his divinity change in accordance with factors such as the era, etc. He has a high affinity for Thoth, the ibis-headed god of knowledge.


    Synchronization: A


    Synchronization is the ability of Berserker to transfer energy. This transference of energy is performed by the exchange of bodily fluids, such as another drinking their blood, but it is strongest in the act of intercourse. Beyond acting as a Mana battery, this skill allows Berserker to overclocks his Master’s magecraft and a Servant’s Mana capacity, granting them increased parameters, boosted Noble Phantasm power and the skill Independent Action at rank E


    Noble Phantasms:
    Spoiler:


    „--that I might show you His power and that His name might be proclaimed in all the earth”


    [ruby]Plagues of Egypt[/ruby]
    Makot Mitzrayim


    Type: Anti-Country
    Rank: A++
    Range: 2~999
    Max Targets: 2~999 People


    More akin to a Curse than an ability, there are two conditions for the activation of this Noble Phantasm; One, Berserker must be under the effects of Mad Enhancement. Two, those to be afflicted must be in an area marked in some specific manner – whether with soot, blood or by being struck with blunt instruments.


    Each manifestation occurs in order; manifesting more requires expending ever more Mana. Berserker may dismiss a specific manifestation to conserve Mana, but he cannot manifest them again. The first and second manifestations only affect his targets. The third, fourth, fifth and eleventh manifestations affect both himself and his targets. The sixth until tenth manifestations affects himself, his Master, his allies and his targets.


    1. Water into blood (דָם): Ex. 7:14–24
    Berserker’s Elemental Affinity changes to Blood, and his magecraft allows the generation and manipulation of vital fluids. This manifestation changes water in a large area around the center of activation into rotten, stinking blood.


    According to the fourth reading (עליה‎, aliyah) of Va'eira, God turns the water of Niles to blood, killing the fishes and causing the river to stink, keeping the people of Egypt from drinking and bathing. The magicians of his court demonstrate that he could matches this feat, however, an act which crystallizes as this ability.


    2. Frogs (צְּפַרְדֵּעַ): Ex. 7:25–8:15
    Berserker causes frogs to spontaneous appear around his targets and the surrounding area. While this noisome creature doesn’t possess much damage capabilities – though they are technically creatures from Age of God – their ability to distracts is unmatched. The spontaneous generation consumes ambient magical energy, and their ruckus alone is equivalent to A-rank mental interference magecraft.


    According to the fourth reading (עליה‎, aliyah) of Va'eira, God brought up frogs from the Nile to cover every inches of Egypt. Wherever an Egyptian turns, they’d find frogs covering every surface. The magicians can still match this feat, however, an act which crystallizes as this ability.


    3. Lice (כִּנִּים): Ex. 8:16–19
    Dust particulates in a large area of effect turn into lice, attached to all present. These lice feed on magical energy. The deleterious affects on ambient magical energy increase adversely – no modern magus can use magecraft or activate Mystic Codes. Even Servants are affected; they must perform an END check followed by an MGI check to avoid being afflicted by deliberating weakness.


    According to the fifth reading (עליה‎, aliyah) of Va'eira, God turns dust into lice, infesting the magicians of the court. They cried “This is the finger of God,” and they were unable to replicate this feat. From this point on, the Curse aspect of this noble phantasm is present in full force.


    4. Swarm (עָרוֹב): Ex. 8:20–32
    Swarms of insects attack all present, a cloud of biting ‘arob (עָרוֹב, meaning "mixture" or "swarm") capable of gnawing a grown man to bones in under a minute. Acting more like obscuring poisonous smoke than living creatures, the swarm can only be destroyed by an Anti-Fortress class Noble Phantasm unless Berserker dismisses them. Due to alternate interpretation, he can alternatively summons a stampede of wild Monstrous Beasts. Theoretically, it is possible to designate a Sanctuary safe from either the swarm or the stampede, but Berserker is incapable of creating such a place.


    According to the sixth reading (עליה‎, aliyah), God sent either swarms of insects or herds of wild animals to harass Egyptian, sparing only the Israelites in the province of Goshen.


    5. Pestilence of Beasts (דֶּבֶר): Ex. 9:1–7
    All non-human creatures are stricken with a fatal, wasting plague. Not even phantasm species are exempt, unless they possess a specific anecdote of recovering from diseases, they’ll weaken and die in short order.


    According to the sixth reading (עליה‎, aliyah), God sent a fatal pestilence that killed domestic animals of the Egyptians. The people grieved when they saw their stately horses, the pride of Egypt, perish; when all the cattle of the fields were stricken; and when the animals upon which they looked as gods died smitten by the plague.


    6. Boils (שְׁחִין): Ex. 9:8–12
    Berserker’s Elemental Affinity gains the sub-type Suffering; this increases his damage and prevents healing magecraft as well as recovery from wounds. Normal human dies. Magi are weakened considerably. Servants must perform an END check followed by an MGI check to avoid getting a Rank-Down in STR, AGI, and END.


    According to the sixth reading (עליה‎, aliyah), God had a handful of soot thrown into the air, where they turns into fine dust and causes boils burst forth upon man and beasts, causing agonizing pain. Exodus 9:11 says, "And the magicians could not stand...because of the boils."


    7. Thunderstorm (בָּרָד): Ex. 9:13–35
    A spectacle worthy of Age of God, hailfire rains down around the area, destroying and killing indiscriminately. Only those inside a marked structure is spared.


    According to the seventh reading (עליה‎, aliyah) God threatened hail such as Egypt had never seen, and to instruct the Egyptians to hide under their roof along with their family and livestocks Some of the Egyptians took this counsel to heart; but the reckless and the stubborn left their cattle with their servants in the fields. When Moses stretched forth his staff, the hail poured down with violence; deafening thunder rolled over the earth, and lightning rent the heavens, and ran like fire along the ground. The hail did its work of destruction; man and beast who were exposed to its rage died on the spot; the herbs were scattered to the wind, and the trees lay shattered on the ground. But the land of Goshen, untouched by the ravages of the storm, bloomed like a garden amidst the general devastation.


    Berserker, seventhfold-devastated, pleaded for relief from the plague, prostate in surrender. This combined with the fact that obedient Egyptians that heeded the warnings survive meant that this plague is paradoxically safer than the previous ones – Berserker can mark a structure as immune to the effects of this plague and take shelter under them.


    8. Locusts (אַרְבֶּה): Ex. 10:1–20
    Similar to the fourth manifestation, even greater in magnitude. Dismissal of this manifestation is accompanied by a hurricane-force wind, manifesting as an EX-rank usage of the skill Disengage, returning battle conditions to what they were at the beginning of the match (1st turn). The ninth manifestation automatically occurs – from now on, Berserker can no longer cancel the effects of this Noble Phantasm, nor dismisses present manifestations. He no longer has to be under the effect of Mad Enhancement for the Noble Phantasm to activates.


    9. Darkness (חוֹשֶך): Ex. 10:21–29
    The Liberation of Night; all light sources in the area are distinguished. A bounded field that banishes all light and sight; even those capable of seeing in darkness are rendered blind. Effects that causes light (flame, clashing swords, etc.) are also prevented from making light.


    Not all of the Israelites were saved from this plague. There were a few who wanted to be regarded as Egyptians rather than as members of the Hebrew race, and who tried, therefore, to imitate the Egyptians in everything to assimilate themselves. They did not want to leave Egypt. These people died during the days of darkness. Among them are the people Berserker befriended once Moses demonstrated their common humanity with each other.


    10. Death of Firstborns(מַכַּת בְּכוֹרוֹת): Ex. 11:1–12:36
    Historically, “Firstborns” were regarded as heirs and continuation of legacy. The death of Firstborns, therefore, signifies an extinguished future. All those in the area has the conceptual "Death of Future" realized, killing their heirs or destroying items related to realizing their goal instantly.


    Due to how well known this Plague and its countermeasure is, even normal human can be spared if they mark their door with lamb blood or commits the traditions of Passover.


    X. Closing of the Red Sea
    The area is crushed under the weights of the World. [grain "Ether"] permeates the area, destroying all life, centered on Berserker.


    Incidentally, the parting of the Sea of Reeds isn’t actually one of the ten plagues but has been sublimated as the denouement of his legend.



    Legend:
    Spoiler:
    True Name: Thutmose II
    Born to Thutmose I and a minor wife Mutnorfret, his historic accolades are limited to marrying his half-sister and begetting Thutmose III (to his minor wife), both great pharaohs in their time.


    Far from a warlord or a philosopher-king, Thutmose II ruled a prosperous country with fair mediocrity. He crushed the Kush rebellion and fought off the Shashu Bedouin with the aid of his father’s generals. It is not known the exact length of his reign nor how he dies, but a slave rebellion makes as much sense as anything.


    Specifically, the Biblical Exodus from Egypt. Recorded in the Holy Book as Pharaoh of the Exodus, it was during his gentle rulership that the Israelites slaves under Moses revolted and escapes Egypt. Harboring a sentiment opposed to suffering, Moses opened his eyes and showed him that the Israelite were equal in humanity to his beloved citizens of Egypt. However, God would not let it ends there – the past cruelties of Egypt shows Him that the Pharaoh must be taught an object lesson of His power.


    Ten times he cried out with tears of blood for Moses to take his people and let him grieve the plagues, ten times He hardens his heart and bids him keep the Israelites in chains.


    Even after the death of his firstborn son and the Israelites leave, He hardens his heart until he pursues the fleeing slaves into the Red Sea, which closes after their passage. He drowned in full regalia, surrounded by his father’s generals, and died in despair, afraid for the fate of his Kingdom.


    Unbeknownst to him, his wife would ably steps to the task of governing Egypt, reaching new heights unimaginable to him nor past Pharaoh, and after her death, his scion would conquer much of the Near East from the Euphrates to Nubia.


    Things work out just fine for the supporting-character Pharaoh, after all! A surprising happy ending.


    Tactics:
    Spoiler:

    Due to his legend and personality, there are no chances of him turning against his Master nor disobeying orders. Additionally, upkeep in a berserk state is lower than usual due to the Synchronization skill, and it is easier for the Master to takes him out of it. He takes increased damage from Christian tradition and diseases.


    He is worthless in direct combat scenario, so prospective Masters must treat him like a particularly gimped Caster card with no small-scale long-range damage or utilities. As an incarnation of Thoth, His MGI is high, and he possessed exceptional quantity and quality of Magic Circuits, albeit with subpar, mostly ceremonial training in magecraft. Despite being born during the Age of Gods, an exceptional Magus will beat him 9/10 times in straight magecraft duel. How unreliable! But, well, that is one of his charm points...


    Synchronization is great for upkeeping an additional Servant or a fighter-type Master. Mana Synchronization, Mana Burst (Pure) and Mana Defense are all possible evolution of this skill.


    Makot Mitzrayim is his trump card and, much like the rest of him, difficult to utilizes. Inverse Noble Phantasm is theoretically possible, whereupon all available targets are afflicted except for certain persons marked as allies through some specific manner, but this function is unavailable to Thutmose II. Despite being a Curse, they also possess the attribute of Holy, thus rendering most forms of protection ineffective. Even with MGI Rank A and leylines support, it is highly unlikely that he’d stay in the World after the Seventh Plague. The Eighth Plague onward assuredly kills his Master; if he somehow continues to stay in the World, The Ninth, Tenth and X Plague activates more as a disaster than a Noble Phantasm.


    The best Master, effectivity wise, is the ruthless, pragmatic type that sees him as a one-off tool, used either in the pursuit or in addition to another Servant contract. While he is himself compassionate, he doesn’t possess the strength of will to stands up to a bully for his own sake.


    The best Master, compatibility wise, is the kindhearted Bigbro/Bigsis. As they say, Depending on the time of day; The French go either way, oui?


    His Otouto is on-point, however. If you want to build a reverse-harem during the last weeks of your life, you can’t go wrong with him!


    In Great Holy Grail War or Chaldea scenario, however, he truly shines as top-notch Support-class Servant, bringing to the table both Mana efficiency and morale support.

  9. #4629
    夜属 Nightkin Hakuro's Avatar
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    A bit weirded because in Fate Ramses II is the Exodus Pharaoh and stuff. Well, AUs exists.

  10. #4630
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hakuro View Post
    A bit weirded because in Fate Ramses II is the Exodus Pharaoh and stuff. Well, AUs exists.
    Was just about to make that very same comment. Overall, the sheet is pretty good though. Cute personality, and I particularly like how the various plagues were depicted.

  11. #4631
    It was incredibly irritating, yeah. I noticed Mr. F/GO Rider half-way through writing up my sheet, but I figure if 5+ Artoria can exist despite being mutually exclusive, Pharoah of the Exodus better gets a pass.

  12. #4632
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PBlades View Post
    It was incredibly irritating, yeah. I noticed Mr. F/GO Rider half-way through writing up my sheet, but I figure if 5+ Artoria can exist despite being mutually exclusive, Pharoah of the Exodus better gets a pass.
    That reminds me. Is the Exodus Pharaoh being Ramses II a common historical belief or opinion? (At least, insofar as Exodus is at all historical *which is not really*)

    I assume it was, but it occurred to me that it could've just been something Sakurai made up as well (like Ramses and Arash being contemporaneous).

  13. #4633
    アルテミット・ワン Ultimate One asterism42's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sandstorm77 View Post
    He's just putting the bone of his sword into other people until it explodes and lets out parts of him inside them.
    Quote Originally Posted by AvengerEmiya View Post
    Genderswaps are terrible, but I think I and other people would hate them less if Fate didn't keep ignoring actual heroines throughout history and folklore. Like, why bother turning Francis Drake into a woman when Ching Shih and Grace O'Malley exist?
    Quote Originally Posted by Five_X View Post
    Fate Zero is just Fate Stay Night for people who think Shirou is too girly
    Quote Originally Posted by Comun View Post
    I think Alex IV can eat Goku.

  14. #4634
    Asterism42 beat me to it, but I consulted this. Turns out Thutmose II was husband to Hatshepsut (who had a write-up here by Bird of Hermes) and the father of Thutmose III;he inspired me to creates a support-type Servant. I've always preferred gimmicky Servant over beatsticks, anyway.

  15. #4635
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Good to know I wasn't telling people that little bit of trivia for nothing. Also, I'm pretty tempted to edit in a Fragments reference under the pop culture section...

  16. #4636
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Bird of Hermes's Avatar
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    Will do revisions to Ur-Nungal later, now for commentary.

    @Mark Antony: Him as a Caster is a pretty unique take on the guy I've never seen before so major props to you. His unique skills also work quite well together too.

    @Thutmose II:
    Nice to see that I inspired you there (presumably with Hatshepsut). Pretty ironic considering I'm working on his son at the moment (he's on hold while I fix up Ur-Nungal). Regarding the whole Rameses II deal, you could make some minor revisions to say something along the lines of either parallel world or due to some recordings saying it was him, he gained the memories, NP's and everything through something like the Innocent Monster skill or what have you.

  17. #4637
    夜属 Nightkin Hakuro's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PBlades View Post
    It was incredibly irritating, yeah. I noticed Mr. F/GO Rider half-way through writing up my sheet, but I figure if 5+ Artoria can exist despite being mutually exclusive, Pharoah of the Exodus better gets a pass.
    Yeah that's why I hate Rider. I was making a Khufu Rider Servant, with the Pyramids (that he made), and with a Solar Boat (that he had too). But Ramses II got those as NP already without no good connection to them...

  18. #4638
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Bird of Hermes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hakuro View Post
    Yeah that's why I hate Rider. I was making a Khufu Rider Servant, with the Pyramids (that he made), and with a Solar Boat (that he had too). But Ramses II got those as NP already without no good connection to them...
    I remember that Funderfullness did a take on the character here if you want to consult.

    Edit:

    For those who are interested, regarding Ur-Nungal, I've fleshed out why she's a Berserker in the Mad Enhancement description and added more detail to the Curse of the Unrecorded skill. I'll makes some changes to the Noble Phantasms and lore at a later date. Probably tomorrow. Thutmose III can wait.

    If anyone has any more critique to improve it further it would be appreciated.
    Last edited by Bird of Hermes; February 21st, 2017 at 06:30 PM.

  19. #4639
    It's All Good! 4score7years's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bird of Hermes View Post
    If anyone has any more critique to improve it further it would be appreciated.
    Is there a justification for why she has Natural Body or is that just to add more to the sheet? In general, the initial changes look pretty good to me, but I understand there is more to be revised.

  20. #4640
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Bird of Hermes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 4score7years View Post
    Is there a justification for why she has Natural Body or is that just to add more to the sheet? In general, the initial changes look pretty good to me, but I understand there is more to be revised.
    It was a nod the the AUO cast off Gil did in Extra CCC. I had already given Golden Rule at this point and figured that Natural Body would add more than Golden Rule (Wealth & Body).

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