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Thread: Create-a-Servant

  1. #9541
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six Zork Knight's Avatar
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    Is this serious? Is this a joke? One may never know.

    Servant info:
    Spoiler:

    The cowardly king and the tragic prince

    Name:
    Puff-jaw, King of Frogs
    Class: Lancer
    Gender: Male
    Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

    Strength: E
    Endurance: E
    Agility: E
    Mana: E
    Luck: A+
    Noble Phantasm: EX


    Skills
    Spoiler:
    Class Skills:

    Magic Resistance: D
    Cancels Single-Action spells.

    Personal Skills:

    Animal Dialogue: A
    Capable of full communication with any animal that possesses a nervous system.

    Charisma:
    B?
    Suitable for the king of a pond.

    Pity of a God: A
    Support received from a Divine Spirit at times of great difficulty. When facing an enemy who exceeds him in at least 3 Parameters, Lancer receives 1 Rank-Up to Luck, and becomes immune to all attacks, spells and Noble Phantasms of Rank A or lower.


    Noble Phantasms
    Spoiler:
    One-Day War – What a Laughable Conflict

    Anti-Army, Rank EX

    The ridicularization of the Holy Grail War, a sacred and honorable battle between legends reduced to a joke. Despite its silly nature, no Noble Phantasm matches its prana cost.

    Upon activation, all servants participating in the current War will be brought to Puff-jaw's location, and will be randomly divided into two groups. One group will be transformed into frogs and the other into mice, with the frogs joining Puff-jaw. This will cause all their Parameters to drop to E (except Luck), and their Noble Phantasms will become unusable. However, they will receive Animal Dialogue of Rank A, and a set of armaments based on their new form (bronze needles, armors of ferret skin and reed, shields of lamps' centerpieces, and helmets of peanuts for the mice; armors of mallow and beet leaves, shields of cabbage leaves, spears of rush and helmets of snail shells for the frogs), each item equal to a Rank E effectless Noble Phantasm. The two sides will then battle to the death. Once one side has been defeated (even if it is Puff-jaw's), if more than one servant remains, they will once again be divided and transformed. This will continue until a single servant remains, at which point the effects of this Noble Phantasm will cease, and the Grail War will be over.


    Lore
    Spoiler:
    The king of the frogs from a greek pond. On a fateful day, he met Crumb-snatcher, prince of mice, and offered to take him across the lake, to his land palace. However, in the middle of the lake, they were attacked by a water snake. Puff-jaw dived into the depths to flee, leaving Crumb-snatcher to die. The rodent prince's dying curses were heard by another mouse, who told king Bread-nibbler that his son had died, leading to a declaration of war against the amphibians.

    Thus began the Batrachomyomachia, a one-day war between the mice and the frogs. So great was the conflict, even the gods joined to watch it. And the mice would have won, had Zeus not sent his greatly armored troops to support the frogs. An epic of truly unmatched proportions.
    Last edited by Zork Knight; October 28th, 2014 at 07:42 PM.

  2. #9542
    O Beast of CaerbannogAAAAARRGH!!? castor212's Avatar
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    I think the Pity of God skill's effet of rank up in Luck is a bit redundant. Otherwise, very interesting.
    I haz a patreon please support onegai
    Currently (like, actually) finishing Apocrypha 3

  3. #9543
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six
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    So Puffjaw is a children's story about the Golden Fleece??

  4. #9544
    He would have been a great Avenger-style grail-corrupter servant. His absorption into the grail would causes the War to be sillier.

  5. #9545
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six Zork Knight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LJ3 View Post
    So Puffjaw is a children's story about the Golden Fleece??
    He's a character from the Batrachomyomachia, a parody of an epic. There's everything you'd expect from a greek epic: tragedy, gore, betrayal, gods messing around. The only thing unusual about it... is that the war is between frogs and mice.

  6. #9546
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six
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    Ooh, thanks, will check it out.

  7. #9547
    Mate, that's noice as fuck! Vagrant's Avatar
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    Due to the feedback about how some of the mechanics of his abilities were historically inaccurate, Hannibal has been removed for now in favour of his father Hamilcar, posted below. Once I've reworked Hannibal, he'll show up again.
    Last edited by Vagrant; October 31st, 2014 at 06:06 AM.

  8. #9548
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six Arha's Avatar
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    Rider with rank C Riding skill?

  9. #9549
    Mate, that's noice as fuck! Vagrant's Avatar
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    Yes. He rode an elephant, not a mystical flaming horse or a sea serpent or a rainbow marshmallow bird. I've ridden elephants. Not as well as Hanniba, granted, but the point stands.

    I tend to think the idea that "Oh all Riders should have Rank A Riding" is a bit silly. I'm more concerned with the mounts they rode than how beyond-human their skills while doing it were.

    EDIT: Yep, of my 7 Riders, only 2 have Rank A or greater Riding. 3 have Rank D and one doesn't even have the Riding skill because he's just that awesome.
    Last edited by Vagrant; October 30th, 2014 at 02:42 AM.

  10. #9550
    アルテミット・ソット Ultimate Thot Five_X's Avatar
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    *heavy breathing*

    *foams at the mouth*

    HAAAAAAANNNNIIIIBBBBBBBAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLL

    I don't really agree with having Golden Rule for Hannibal; while he got his initial force from sheer wealth, afterwards he didn't quite have so much money. The main ways he got forces post-Trebia was through diplomacy and charisma; one thing he did, specifically, was to challenge the leader of an Italic tribe to a duel, with the condition that if he won, then the tribe's forces would be under his command. At this point in history, Rome's grasp on the Italian peninsula was far from perfect, with various Italic tribes scattered about, including the legendary Samnites - and there were also angry Gauls to the north, in Gallia Cisalpina (modern Lombardy). Even when he didn't have any money left to pay his foreign troops, they didn't even rebel against him as the mercenaries of the First Punic War did, since Hannibal was just that great of a leader.

    He also had brilliant skills as an administrator, since after the war, he managed to set Carthage on a course of full financial recovery from the various reparations it had to pay to Rome. In less than a decade, Carthage had gone from being on the very brink of collapse to being nearly returned to its former power and influence in the Mediterranean.

    Also Surus was an Indian elephant, not likely an African elephant. Even if she was an African elephant, it's very unlikely that she would be a large Bush Elephant - the kind that most people think of - and would probably in that case have been a smaller North African Elephant. Sadly, they're all extinct now.

    Other minor nitpicks: Hannibal was never a king; he was an elected republican leader, so he couldn't really be "King of Mercenaries." Also, he fought the Roman Republic, not the Roman Empire; the Roman Empire's greatest enemy was probably either Arminius, Fritigern, or Constantine.

    When it comes to mercenaries, Hannibal's father Hamilcar, or even his brother Hasdrubal, were more renowned. Hamilcar especially, for things he did not only in the First Punic War, but also the absolutely brutal Mercenary War. Hamilcar was an excellent military leader just like his son, but he was far more disposed towards cruelty and vengefulness. I've never made a character sheet for Hamilcar, but it'd be a lot of fun, considering the antics that Hamilcar got up to. Plus, there's the excellent novel Salammbo by Gustave Flaubert about the Mercenary War itself. Very interesting stuff.

    /Hannibal fanmode
    <NEW FIC!> Revolution #9: Somewhere out there, there's a universe in which your mistakes and failures never happened, and all you wished for is true. How hard would you fight to make that real?

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  11. #9551
    Mate, that's noice as fuck! Vagrant's Avatar
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    Should have figured that a Hannibal would bring you out of the woodworks, Five. And it looks like my military history needs some major brushing up on from what you've said.

    Like I said, the title isn't great, but I didn't think of a better one at the time. I know he was never a king, it's more of a casual title, like King of Fighters or something. Still not overly happy with it though.

    It's a bit of a shame that Hannibal was good at recruiting and keeping his men, I quite liked the mechanics behind Banner of Carthage. Not entirely sure what I'll do with that now, since the idea of Hannibal duelling the highest-ranked officer at a local barracks, while amusing, would just be a wash in favour of Hannibal every time.

    Surus is an Indian elephant, more specifically a Syrian elephant. That's why the ultimate heritage of it comes from Alexander's elephants, which were all Indian elephants from the Persian empire, as far as I understand. I'm sure the Egyptians had some Indian elephants in their forces, or if not I can remove/handwave it, since that's really just to show long lineage of capable war mounts.

    Embarrassed that I mixed up the empire and the republic the whole time this was being written, especially since I was reading about the senators and their debates about what to do with Hannibal. Oops.

    I suppose I could potentially reskin the sheet as Hamilcar by reworking some of the skills and the extra Phantasms, since the focus would ideally be on the "hiring mercs" thing, which I still like as a mechanic, or indeed even into another Servant entirely, like one of the Greeks who used mercenaries. I think from memory the earliest kernel of this sheet was actually built around Phyrrus, since I wanted an elephant commander who specifically wasn't Hannibal.

    Either choice would mean potentially ditching Surus though, which is a shame as I also like the idea of a mobile command phantasm.

  12. #9552
    アルテミット・ソット Ultimate Thot Five_X's Avatar
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    The elephants used by the Diadochi weren't often Syrian elephants; they were Indian elephants brought over by Seleucus, who effectively sold the Indian territories of his empire to Maurya in exchange for 500 war elephants to add to the few he already had. Surus is, as you mentioned, most likely descended from one of those elephants, who were bred in Syria, whether she was an Indian elephant, a Syrian elephant, or a mix. It's hard to trace the exact genealogy of the Syrian elephants, beyond that they were Asiatic elephants who potentially were bred with Indian elephants; they may have even been related to the ancient elephants who once lived in Mesopotamia, who went extinct many centuries before Alexander or even the Persians came along. They're both Asiatic, at least, so from what we know of them, the Syrians would have looked similar to Indian elephants of today.

    The uniqueness of Surus is mainly in that she was a huge Asiatic elephant, very different in appearance and size compared to the African forest elephants used by the Carthaginians. The Carthaginians were prolific elephant breeders, probably better than even the Indians themselves; they brought elephants along when founding their colonies, and for some time maintained a breeding population of forest elephants in Spain before the Romans ousted them. These forest elephants were fairly small, though, even compared to Indian elephants, which is why Surus stood out so much.

    It's quite sad, since there used to be lots and lots of elephants in North Africa, Mesopotamia, and China, but they were hunted for their ivory until they inevitably went extinct. There used to be rhinos across Asia as well, but most of them were hunted for their hide; the lions that once lived in North Africa were used in gladiatorial games by the Romans, and that likely was a leading cause of their eventual extinction.
    <NEW FIC!> Revolution #9: Somewhere out there, there's a universe in which your mistakes and failures never happened, and all you wished for is true. How hard would you fight to make that real?

    [11:20:46 AM] GlowStiks: lucina is supes attractive
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  13. #9553
    Mate, that's noice as fuck! Vagrant's Avatar
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    Yeah, we're pretty good at wiping things out. A real shame too, Indian elephants are amazing creatures. Only a week ago I was at a recovery camp, washing them in the river. It was a real experience, the elephants are just something else.

  14. #9554
    Mate, that's noice as fuck! Vagrant's Avatar
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    True suffering is trying to cut down the number of personal skills for a Servant that is possibly divine, was a grand ruler and conqueror and has had a possibly-distorted view of him promoted over time. Charisma, Innocent Monster and Military Tactics, you're crippling my sheet D:

  15. #9555
    改竄者 Falsifier Petrikow's Avatar
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    Not all conquerors were tactically adept, nor were all good rulers naturally charismatic.

    Such concepts should be explored were they essential to the figure.

  16. #9556
    Mate, that's noice as fuck! Vagrant's Avatar
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    So now Hannibal is gone while I rework him. Based on some of Five's comments about how Banner of Carthage more accurately reflected what happened with the First Punic War and the Mercenary War I've instead gone and done his daddy, ol' Hamilcar. Hamilcar is all about payment and repayment, I hope he's a little better than Hannibal turned out to be.


    Hamilcar Barca

    Butcher of Mercenaries

    Class: Rider
    Alternate Classes: None
    Alignment: Lawful Evil

    Parameters:
    Strength: C
    Endurance: C
    Agility: D
    Mana: C
    Luck: C





    Class Skills
    Riding
    The ability to ride animals or vehicles with extraordinary skill.


    • B+: Rider is able to ride natural beasts of any sort, as well as low-grade or tamed Phantasmal Beasts. He does not possess any Noble Phantasm that would grant him a mounted steed, so must purchase or otherwise acquire a steed. Any animal ridden by Rider finds itself becoming enhanced by one Phantasmal Beast rank, from regular to Monstrous, Monstrous to Magical and Magical to Divine.


    Magic Resistance
    Differing from mere rejection of prana through basic principles of Resistance, this is the ability to outright cancel magical effects.


    • D: Cancel Single-Action Spells. Cannot defend against significant Thaumaturgy at any level, being more akin to the resistance provided by a high-quality amulet of magical rejection.


    Personal Skills

    Military Tactics

    A high level of tactical knowledge used for massed battles rather than combat at an individual level.


    • C: Tactical knowledge is great enough that the possessor suffered few, if any, defeats,and overcame great odds more than once, but is not considered comparable to the greatest tactical minds of history. Provides a bonus to your own Anti-Army Noble Phantasms.


    Eye of the Mind (True)

    Heightened insight that was refined through combat experience.


    • C: At this rank the Servant is able to remain calm even when in danger and come up with a strategy to try and defeat his opponents. If it looks unlikely that the Servant is going to win, he can possibly perform an act that tips the odds back into in his favour.


    Golden Rule

    A measure of the wealth possessed, which is far greater than the average person might hope to achieve.


    • C: A large amount of wealth is amassed, enough to live in excessive luxury for the entirety of one’s life. However, the treasures are finite and can be exhausted if spent too wildly. The result of Rider’s access to the coffers of Carthage for financing his campaigns.

    Spoils of War
    Victorious claims on land can allow the recovery of additional wealth and resources.


    • C: The Sierra Modena mines of gold and silver were taken by Rider in an extended campaign that would allow Carthage to continue to make its war reparations to Rome while also rebuilding its fortunes. Once an area of land deemed to be “enemy territory” is successfully cleared and Rider’s forces establish a continued presence in the area, it is possible to make one Luck check per day for that area. If successful then 20% of the original wealth provided by Golden Rule is added to the total wealth provided by Golden Rule.


    Banner of Carthage
    Death Pays Handsomely


    Type: Anti-Army
    Rank: B-
    Range: ~
    Targets: 1-9999

    Description: The armies of Carthage were not traditionally large or powerful, given its focus on shipping and trading as the way to power and prestige, rather than military might. In times when large-scale military action became necessary Carthage simply paid for mercenaries to fight for it, and never were these mercenaries so well utilised as during the campaigns of the Punic Wars against the Romans. By promising his mercenaries generous salaries paid in full upon return to Carthage, Rider was able to secure the loyalty of many skilled and varied soldiers, and Banner of Carthage utilises the treasury of Carthage to ensure Rider an army in any conflict he may appear in.

    Rider is able to take a Wealth check against any conceptually “combat-suitable” individual he meets, from armed paramilitary soldiers to mall security guards, and if his Wealth check succeeds then that individual will become a member of his armed forces, gaining a degree of magical reinforcement and certain levels of loyalty to Rider himself. Every time a Wealth check succeeds the amount of wealth possessed through Golden Rule is reduced somewhat, and over long campaigns or for more dangerous orders it may be necessary to perform additional Wealth checks against those already under Rider’s employ.

    It is entirely possible for Rider to extend his employment offers to entire organisations rather than simply contracting agents individually, but the Wealth checks needed for anyone approached will vary in size based on a multitude of factors, such as level of bravery, greed, existing investment in the war or conflicting loyalty to others.

    Due to the resulting conflicts that emerged when Carthage was unable to pay the soldiers after the First Punic War, a full-scale war developed between the mercenaries and the men that they once served. If Golden Rule ever becomes depleted through exhaustion of Rider’s wealth then all mercenaries employed will have their contracts dissolved rapidly once the truth is discovered. At this time the combatants previously employed by Rider will become actively hostile towards him instead, a strong mental compulsion that will encourage them to fight him by any means possible.

    The Saw
    Indebted Atrocities Paid In Full


    Type: Anti-Army
    Rank: C
    Range: 1-50
    Targets: 1-9,999

    Description: The culmination of the Truceless War between Carthage and the embittered mercenaries, a war that had seen countless brutalities and atrocities from both sides, causing it to be labelled the most impious war of the era. The battle of the Saw was the end result of Rider successfully breaking the supply lines of the mercenary army, disrupting their siege and eventually chasing them to the point of desperation, where the panicked and undisciplined soldiers retreated into a box canyon with only one entrance, the Saw.

    Once the mercenaries had retreated to such a compromised position, Rider’s smaller army was able to besiege the entrance to the canyon and starved the rebels to death. When a delegation negotiated with Rider to surrender and submit to Carthaginian rule, he permitted all but ten to leave the canyon, those ten to become prisoners. Once agreed upon, Rider swiftly arrested the ten men in the mercenary delegation, preventing them from reporting back to the rest of their army. The delegation was tortured and the rest of the army, unsure of what was happening, folded and were easily defeated when they made a desperate attempt to break through the mouth of the Saw. In retaliation for the torture and execution of 700 Carthaginian soldiers earlier in the war, Rider had the remaining 40,000 mercenary soldiers tortured and executed.

    The Saw is a manifestation of Rider’s cruelty, a barrier which starves those trapped within. By placing magical sigils around a contained area, Rider is able to establish a barrier that is difficult to break free of, acting as an enchanted wall that actively retaliates when attacked by firing bolts of weaponised prana at the attackers. The number of sigils required to establish the barrier is dependant on the nature of the area they are to contain. Reflective of the nature of the box canyon that Rider’s army locked down, the fewer the exits to the area that is being sealed up, and the more difficult it would be for anyone inside to escape by improvised means such as destroying walls or the like, the fewer sigils required. In addition, the fewer the sigils required, the stronger the actual barrier locking those inside will become. This is Rider’s implacable siege, his deadly vengeance.

    Anyone trapped within the confines of The Saw will begin to have their life forces sapped away gradually. After each hour within The Saw, all those who are trapped will have their Endurance reduced by one rank. Once their Endurance falls below Rank E they will perish. This means that those with Endurance lower than E will die within an hour of being trapped. Rider needs to leave at least a single individual to maintain guard over the sigils, and if all of Rider’s guards are killed or retreat far enough from the sigils the barrier will collapse, allowing the trapped enemies to leave. It takes three hours to recover a single rank of Endurance once out of The Saw.

  17. #9557
    O Beast of CaerbannogAAAAARRGH!!? castor212's Avatar
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    I like Spoils of War.

    So this guy would literally employs modern world forces on the HGW?
    I haz a patreon please support onegai
    Currently (like, actually) finishing Apocrypha 3

  18. #9558
    Mate, that's noice as fuck! Vagrant's Avatar
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    Yup. Wherever those two fighter jets in Zero came from, he'd probably just go out there and buy the whole force stationed there. We've seen that magically-enhanced guns work reasonably well against Servants so he'll just go and get a lot of them.

    Man, he'd have a hell of a good time in the American HGW. So many firearms everywhere, he'd be able to employ half the town of Snowfield probably.

  19. #9559

    This is who Fate Extra Saber should have been

    I like Saber in Extra but was disappointed when I found out she really was Nero, and not just Mordred pretending to be a famous King. But I recently found out about an awesome historical ruler who would have been a perfect fit as Saber's true Identity!

    http://www.rejectedprincesses.com/po...gula-1778-1861

    What do you guys think? :3 Even if not as Saber Extra, she'd make a great Heroic Spirit!

  20. #9560
    Mate, that's noice as fuck! Vagrant's Avatar
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    I have never heard of Ranavalona before, consider me educated. She sounds awesome. A Saber who dual-wields blades that combine to form a giant pair of scissors is awesome. I think I'll add her to my list of "maybe I'll write it one day" Servants.


    Batshit crazy rulers are always good fun.

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