Create-a-Servant

[SpoonyViking]

Why doesn't Gil have Pioneer of the Stars?

Because the Skill was created long after the original VN, probably.

The lack of feedback on my sheet means people liked it, right? I'm needy.

Maybe people didn't find it interesting. :-P Seriously, though, I do have a few comments, if you don't mind:

1 - Kee-ripes, A+++ STR? I don't really know much about the original myth, but is STR higher than Herakles' really appropriate? Also, is that before or after the Monstrous Strength and EX-Ranked Mad Enhancement buffs?
2 - You forgot to quantify the boosts from Mad Enhancement EX. Would they be higher than a one-Rank increase in all Parameters?
3 - I'd suggest reducing Demon Kind to A+. Also, you use both Inversion Impulse and Ancestral Return at different points in the sheet.
4 - You forgot to quantify the boosts from Dipsomaniac's Dance, although I'd actually suggest to remove that line and just note he gets stronger and faster after drinking. After all, it's not as if Instinct or any of the EotMs provide quantifiable Parameter boosts, right?
Oh, I'd also suggest using "drunker" instead of "more drunk".
5 - Why would he have the thing that killed him in the original myth as one of his NPs?
6 - Again, I don't really know the original myth, but the demon castle NP doesn't seem very appropriate for a Berserker.
7 - Considering the legend where his head still tried to bite the samurai who decapitated him, and another in which it later shared great wisdom with people, Battle Continuation A (or possibly even A+) and some Rank of Haunts of Wisdom (lower than Scáthach's, though) seem appropriate for him.

[Zork Knight]

I'm pretty sure you have to be human to get Pioneer of the Stars. And also have done something for humanity. All Gil did was be an asshole.

[Bird of Hermes]

I wonder if Prometheus would have it if he's ever made into a Servant. It would be weird for the modern knockoff to get it but not the original.

Prometheus was a Titan, which in greek mythology was a divine being, older than the gods, so i don't think he could be summoned as a servant. Also he is still alive, chained to a rock and being eaten by crows for all eternity for giving humanity fire.

[Zork Knight]

Prometheus was a Titan, which in greek mythology was a divine being, older than the gods, so i don't think he could be summoned as a servant. Also he is still alive, chained to a rock and being eaten by crows for all eternity for giving humanity fire.

Herk freed him.

[SpoonyViking]

I'm pretty sure you have to be human to get Pioneer of the Stars. And also have done something for humanity. All Gil did was be an asshole.

He was the first hero, though.

[Zork Knight]

He was the first hero, though.

And? He did not do much for humanity. His whole epic was him seeking immortality.
If anything, the people who wrote down his story could get Pioneer of the Stars.

[Bird of Hermes]

About my Uther a few pages back, I understand he's a bit mediocre, any actual advice on improving him?

[JetKinen]

I mean, he is not bad or anything, he is just bland.

I would give him another NP to spice things up.

[SpoonyViking]

And? He did not do much for humanity. His whole epic was him seeking immortality.

Not all of the epic, only the end of it. Plus, I'd say being the basis for all heroes of legend - as in, all monster-slayers, and all defenders of their peoples, and so on - should be enough to qualify him as someone who changed the course of humanity, even if we ignore his other accomplishments.
That said, you brought up a good point: his being 2/3 of a god probably disqualifies him from the Skill.

About my Uther a few pages back, I understand he's a bit mediocre, any actual advice on improving him?

Let's see:
1 - Some of his stats feel a bit too high. I'd suggest reducing either STR or END - probably STR - and Magic Resistance by a Rank (although see below).
2 - I don't know anything about the official Nasuverse version of Uther, so I wouldn't know if he also had the Dragon attribute or not. That said, he's THE Pendragon, the red dragon who defeated the white dragon, so I think it's appropriate for him to have it. Besides, just because Merlin had to magically insert a Dragon reactor in Arturia, doesn't mean Uther didn't have his naturally, right? If you retain the draconic association for Uther, I'd say Magic Resistance can remain at A.
3 - Caliburn should probably start out as A+, since Uther is the rightful king and thus qualified to unleash the sword's true power. I'd also suggest revising the text a bit; it's not that Caliburn has a property of taking several lives at once, it's basically just an Excaliblast that can only be delivered through melee attacks.
4 - The weakest part is the Skills, in my opinion. While I can see from where you got the inspiration for Battle Continuation, I'd say END A should be enough to justify Uther's "Half-Dead King" period. If your heart is really set on the Skill, I'd suggest at least reducing it to C.
I'm not familiar with any story where Uther lost his grip of the kingdom, but that doesn't really mean anything. I'd suggest leaving Charisma as just B, but if you feel B- is more appropriate, that's alright, too.
I actually do see justification for Druid Magic since one of the Welsh Triads mentions he taught one of Britain's Three Great Enchantments to Menw, one of King Arthur's knights, who was also a magician; and considering the people who taught (and were taught) those enchantments are all great magicians, Druid Magic B is fine. That said, if you go for the "Uther needed Merlin's help to reach Ygraine" version of the legend, he can't be capable of shapechanging by himself, so I'd suggest reducing the Rank to C. Or you could reinterpret it as a Noble Phantasm, depending on what you conceive Uther's Great Enchantment to be.
Prana Burst (Dragon) seems iffy. I know the Nasuverse has some weird elemental affinities, but Dragon? I'd suggest changing it to Prana Burst (Flames), and possibly - just possibly - reducing it to B.

I guess that's it. Uther is in that sad state where he's an interesting character on his own, but doesn't have as many sources on him as others, so you kind of need to interpret the myths creatively.

[You]

Prometheus was a Titan, which in greek mythology was a divine being, older than the gods, so i don't think he could be summoned as a servant. Also he is still alive, chained to a rock and being eaten by crows for all eternity for giving humanity fire.

2 wordz
pesudo-servant GO GO GO GO GO
I lied, it was a lot of words.

- - - Updated - - -

About my Uther a few pages back, I understand he's a bit mediocre, any actual advice on improving him?

The Dragon-Comet, part of a Supernatural Bloodline with the 'Factor of the Dragon' which was passed onto Morgan le Fay and Arturia.

This is not true for one.

[Bird of Hermes]

Alright, I've modified my Uther sheet based on feedback I've received from SpoonyViking (thanks BTW). I may work on a Caster version of him after a few other servants.

[RoydGolden]

Hmm. He's definitely been touched up in places, though still a tad generic. Not bad for your first sheet, though. Looking forward to what other Servants you come up with!

[Lycodrake]

Spoiler:

So FGO Shutendouji is Suika?

Spoiler:

tsurupettan incoming

[Uralmash]

I like making Assassins apparently. This one is another Hassan, oh joy. Critique and feedback is nice.

Class: Assassin
True Name: Hassan-i Sabbah
Gender: Male
Alignment: Lawful Evil

STR: E
END: E
AGI: B
MGI: E
LCK: B
NP: C+

Identity
Seemingly one of the nineteen Hassan-i Sabbah, though even after the nineteen became known, this particular heroic spirit that proclaims itself as "Hassan" evaded such discoveries. He is an entity within and beyond the original nineteen. In some accounts, he can be regarded as one of them, but his capabilities make any claims to his existence within the sect dubious at best.

At the end of the day, he retains the capability of being summoned under Fuyuki regulations. It is quite possible, however, that this particular Hassan has been summoned in many, many cases of Assassins...unbeknownst to other Masters and observers alike.
---

Class Skills

Presence Concealment: X - Because of his unusual nature, he is the only member of the Hassan-i Sabbah to not gain any benefits from Presence Concealment. Instead, such capabilities are granted by his skills and Noble Phantasm.

Personal Skills

Parasite: A+ - The ability to leech off of the mana of a host body. At A rank, one has the ability to infest and avoid all manner of detection. Can infest Servants, though those with higher MGI and/or LCK stats can roll to detect the parasite. Mana consumption on Servants is a mere 10% of that on a normal host.

Projectile (Bone): D - In times of desperation, one's own bone mass can be used as bullet-like projectiles.

Self Modification: EX - The epitome of body modification, a Hassan who truly went beyond the realms of plausibility with the extent to which he reconstructed his own form. To such ends, one cannot be considered ever having been a human, or even properly identified as a Hero. The physical nature becomes that of a truly grotesque abomination.

Noble Phantasm

Zabaniya - Chimeric Amalgamate
Rank: C+
Type: Anti-Unit
Range: N/A
Maximum No. of Targets: 1

A truly hideous Noble Phantasm, even by Assassin standards. Hassan's god-like contortion capabilities allow him to infest humans and/or Servants. In a usual case, it is a non-consensual infestation and he simply rides inside the host, leeching off of their mana supply. However, if a consensus is achieved between himself and the host, he becomes one with the host, forming a pseudo-Servant. Their flesh becomes one but Assassin's consciousness remains as a separate entity that assumes some degree of influence on the actions of the host. This Zabaniya is responsible for this Hassan's utmost mystery; it is possible for an entire Grail War to pass where his true identity is never revealed. The clouded accounts of his existence solely rest on the fact that he could have indeed been any one of the other Hassans, or that he could've been one of the original counted nineteen. When he has completely infested one, there is suddenly no "Hassan-i Sabbah", but instead only the pseudo-Servant is regarded as the existing Assassin.

When a pseudo-Servant is formed, they obtain the bare minimum characteristics of an Assassin-class Servant, and their presence becomes that of a Servant as well. They gain the capability to decide upon a single D-rank Noble Phantasm and gain Presence Concealment. Thus, it is almost impossible to tell Hassan as the true Assassin. Only those with skills such as Clairvoyance have a slim chance of detecting him. Furthermore, the host can be killed and leave Assassin unscathed. However, when without a living host, Assassin is at his most vulnerable, having no form of Presence Concealment in his base form. Additionally, an attack that is sufficient to wipe out every single trace of the host has a high chance of eliminating Assassin as well. Assassin has no limitation on how often he can infest someone, though consensual infestation will require him revealing his presence. He can remain in the corpse of a former host for up to two hours before he becomes detectable. Those who fight two separate instances of Assassin-made pseudo-Servants may become aware of his existence.

In the very odd case that he gains consensus from another Servant, that Servant will gain the Double Summon skill and attain a Rank-up to Agility as well as a low rank of Presence Concealment. Servants with stronger egos and/or magical energy levels however, will be able to forcibly expel Assassin from their bodies if it proves to be unfavorable to them.

In times of desperate circumstances, and if Hassan currently is within a human host, he can cause a gastric instability within the host and cause them to explode violently. This tactic is usually used as a means of escape, but can be used to terrorize inexperienced enemy Masters. This failsafe technique makes him incredibly vulnerable against Servants, who would instantly be able to track him the moment he left the host. To lone Masters, however, it is a game-over technique. Once he has infested an enemy Master, there is little they can do to spare them from a similar fate. However, Servants with Surgical Procedure or Human Anatomical Studies skills can potentially save their Master with a successful LCK check.

[SpoonyViking]

Very creepy Hassan! I like it. :-)

Alright, I've modified my Uther sheet based on feedback I've received from SpoonyViking (thanks BTW). I may work on a Caster version of him after a few other servants.

My pleasure! You need to revise the text in a few places, though (for instance, Caliburn's description still has its Rank as B/A+; and the description for Prana Burst [Flames] doesn't really fit the official description).
Also, instead of doing Uther as Caster (not every Heroic Spirit qualifies for multiple classes, after all), I'd suggest adding another NP to him; that will probably help make him feel more unique.

[Crying]

I'm sure this is terrible, but...

Class: Saber
Master:
True Name: Nuada Airgetlám, ‘Nuada of the Silver Arm’
Sex: Male
Alignment: Lawful Good
Height/Weight: 190cm/85kg
Appearance/Faceclaim: Hell if I know. Any character with some sort of mechanical or otherwise metal arm? Like Guts or even Edward Elric.

Strength: A
Endurance: B-
Agility: B
Magical Energy: B
Luck: C+
Noble Phantasm: A

Class Skills:
Magic Resistance: A
Cancel spells of A-Rank or below. In practice, the Servant is untouchable to modern magi, so it would not be an exaggeration to title the Servant a "Magus Killer".

Riding: C
Most animals can be handled with above average skill. Even modern vehicles such as cars or motorcycles can be ‘rode’ with some difficulty.

Personal Skills:
Divinity: A
The highest rank one can have in Divinity while still qualifying as a Heroic Spirit, at this rank the Servant would had to have had divine blood in life and become a Divine Spirit after death.

Battle Continuation: B
Even when maimed the Servant is capable of fighting near peak efficiency.

Charisma: B
Suitable for a king of a country.

Mana Burst: A
A normal weapon that is not on the level of a divine mystery can be destroyed in one blow. Raises defense in several times.

Noble Phantasm:
Claiomh Solais, the Shining Sword of Light: A++ (Anti-Fortress)
The sword forged within the sun, Claiomh Solais is the basis for the blade Caladbolg, which in turn was the basis for many other swords, possible even Excalibur itself. Gloriously incandescent, like the warm fatherly body that is the sun, the sword emits constant light that can blind many an enemy and heat that cauterizes all wounds made by it.
The power of nuclear fission can be unleashed by this blade, though it’s level of strength can be adjusted. At it’s lowest level it classifies as an Anti-Unit Noble Phantasm and merely unleashes a blast of plasma which only the weakest of Heroic Spirits would be defeated by. At it’s highest level it is capable of destroying a small city and everything inside of it, classifying it as an Anti-City Noble Phantasm.

Opinions?

[asterism42]

Maybe people didn't find it interesting. :-P Seriously, though, I do have a few comments, if you don't mind:

1 - Kee-ripes, A+++ STR? I don't really know much about the original myth, but is STR higher than Herakles' really appropriate? Also, is that before or after the Monstrous Strength and EX-Ranked Mad Enhancement buffs?
2 - You forgot to quantify the boosts from Mad Enhancement EX. Would they be higher than a one-Rank increase in all Parameters?
3 - I'd suggest reducing Demon Kind to A+. Also, you use both Inversion Impulse and Ancestral Return at different points in the sheet.
4 - You forgot to quantify the boosts from Dipsomaniac's Dance, although I'd actually suggest to remove that line and just note he gets stronger and faster after drinking. After all, it's not as if Instinct or any of the EotMs provide quantifiable Parameter boosts, right?
Oh, I'd also suggest using "drunker" instead of "more drunk".
5 - Why would he have the thing that killed him in the original myth as one of his NPs?
6 - Again, I don't really know the original myth, but the demon castle NP doesn't seem very appropriate for a Berserker.
7 - Considering the legend where his head still tried to bite the samurai who decapitated him, and another in which it later shared great wisdom with people, Battle Continuation A (or possibly even A+) and some Rank of Haunts of Wisdom (lower than Scáthach's, though) seem appropriate for him.

Okays, I did some changes here, like moving his stats around a bit and giving him BC because I totally forgot about the head thing. He has the demon poison drink because I thought it was a cool idea, Berserkers can have Reality Marbles (Asterios does, anyway). More drunk instead of drunker is because I'm still in essay mode and used to writing things in such a way as to increase the word count.

[Nuclear]

Opinions?

GO says that Caladbolg is Galatine's ancestor. Good try though.

[Bird of Hermes]

Uralmash, this is one of the most original Hassan I've seen. I like the whole "Parasite" theme going on here. Deadly to muggles but vulnerable to other servants, you even found a way to balance out the EX ranked Self-Modification. Well done!

[Bird of Hermes]

Anyways, been working on a better servant.


Class: Saber
Name: Charlemagne
Alignment: Neutral Good
Place of Origin: France

Strength- B
Endurance- B
Agility- B
Mana- A+
Luck- A+
NP- A++

Height/Weight: 178cm/75kg
Likes: Christianity, Loyalty, His 12 Paladins
Dislikes: Godless Heathens
Talents: Defending the Faith
Natural Enemy: Tamamo no Mae

Class Skills:

• Magic Resistance (A) - Enhanced by his faith in God, he can cancel out spells of A-Rank or below. In practice, the Servant is untouchable to modern magi, so it would not be an exaggeration to title the Servant a "Magus Killer". His Magic Resistance is bolstered by his faith but he is still vulnerable to the sacraments of the church however.
• Riding (B) - Most vehicles can be handled with above average skill. However, cannot ride the likes of Phantasm Races such as Monstrous Beasts.

Personal Skills:

• Charisma (B+) - Able to rise above the level of the king of a country in popularity, especially among the poor and the military.
• Military Tactics (B) - Tactical knowledge used not for one-on-one combat situations, but for battles where many are mobilized. Bonus modifiers are provided during use of one's own Anti-Army Noble Phantasm or when dealing against an enemy Anti-Army Noble Phantasm.
• Zealotry (A) - Charlemagne's deep advocacy of spiritualism, learning, and his love of church music manifested itself in many ways during his climb to power. Most significant were reforms to the church itself. Normally unattainable mental strength can be obtained by having so much religious faith in something that it is beyond the understanding of those around him.Trauma is instantly overcome, strong resistance to mental interference type magecraft is obtained.

Noble Phantasms

Joyuse Les Nerf Preux (Anti-Unit) (B) - Charlemagne's personal sword, of indeterminate origin, but still revered to this day. Supposedly containing the point of the Lance of Longinus, upon which a golden hilt was fastened, and the blade's unparalleled radiance shone to thirty different hues each day. "The Nine Valiants" version. Wherein Charlemagne is compared to King Arthur as the model of chivalry within the tenets of Christianity. In this form, it appears as a gigantic blade with an opulent golden hilt, much like Arthur's Excalibur. Passive in nature, with its effects and attributes not needing its name called out. This sword bypasses any magical defenses and has the power of a B ranked attack without needing to be activated.

• Joyeuse Thirty-Hued Godslayer (Anti-Divine) (A++) - In this mode, Joyeuse becomes a legend upon a legend. The initial case disengages to reveal its true form. A shining blade, so radiant that it is only perceived as a glow in Charlemagne's hands. Containing the point of the Lance of Longinus, which drew the blood of Christ - the blade is still tangible and solid. In addition to its original function, Thirty-Hued Godslayer now is a Noble Phantasm that cripples any opponent that has Divinity. Upon tasting the blood of a Divine entity, all of the Servant's Parameters will be weakened. This effect lasts for at least three hours upon receiving the wound. Additionally, Joyeuse deals extra damage to servants with divinity. To transition from sealed to released form, Charlemagne must discard the outer casing: the sealed version, Les Neuf Preux. This action happens in two parts. First, he must discard the case, requiring the spoken imperative "monjoie". Secondly, he must reveal the Noble Phantasm's true name, Joyeuse, to activate the released form. Due to the nature of the Noble Phantasm as a 'Pinnacle Legend', it cannot be re-sealed.

Lore

Imposing, regal, charismatic. Tales of Charlemagne's conquests are true history - and written alongside them are accounts of the Emperor's disposition. A figure larger than life, tranquil and spiritual, a patron of the arts and education, and graced by God. The model of a chivalry in a knight. At least, that is what he wanted herself to be remembered by. Through dictation to his subjects and more importantly, his chroniclers, Charlemagne created a distinct figure to be revered after his death, the ideal which he held for himself, and perfect in the eyes of the Church which he protected.

In conquering Aquitaine, removing the Lombards of the Italian peninsula from power, and subjugating the Saxons of Northern Germany, Charlemagne unified most of Western Europe under his efficient rule. In doing so, he also established marches along the borders of her Empire to preclude future attacks from foreign invaders. Those he conquered were made to convert to Christianity. Those who did not were put to the sword. One such occasion resulted in the Massacre of Verden, in which 4,500 pagan Saxons were executed on his orders. By killing those who resisted, he essentially converted northern Germany to Catholicism.

Honouring past agreements made between his father and the Papacy, he vowed to protect papal lands from invasion. As the foremost power in Europe, he was able to stop the Byzantine Empire from forcing iconoclastic changes onto the Papacy. In a political show, the Pope crowned him Emperor of the Romans to show papal authority and to nullify any authority by which the Byzantine Empire had over subjects of "Rome". Charlemagne felt manipulated by this, but accepted the title anyway for his own purposes.

A mere thirteen years after being crowned Emperor, Charlemagne died of pleurisy and other ailments, leaving behind ambitions he considered unrealised.

I envision this guy as an antagonist, acting as a puppet master and betraying his master to become the ultimate antagonist.