Create-a-Servant

[Bird of Hermes]

Ah! I meant "Not much stronger than a modern magus of his time" I clearly left off the last part of that sentence. Thanks for pointing it out.

But that still sounds off, I've reworded to "not much stronger than a magus of his time."

[Bird of Hermes]

I like your Zhang Jiao sheet, Hermes! That said, aren't his physical stats a bit high for a Caster? Mind, I'm not familiar with the character, so maybe they're appropriate.
I'm not so sure about his NP, either. I mean, weather control on a large scale is something which seems like it should be within the abilities of any Caster who's a proper sorcerer, even if it might take time and lots of energy. Unless his NP works instantly? Is that what it does?

For his stats, he fought on the front lines of battle so he's more physically gifted that most, I didn't want him to be as buff as Geronimo because he's known more for fighting that shamanism, as for the NP, you're right with the instantaneous application, I'll go and write that in.

Also ZSB, I wasn't sure about the dog thing so I just left it out to be safe.

[Constructman]

While I adjust Harald, I also thought to post these guy in the interim and see what you guys think. Honestly, this guy is a huge stretch, but u just did it because I wanted to...

Another figure of eschatology! RoydGolden, I noticed that you had a similar sheet, so I copied your class skills but otherwise tried to make it different from "I am Antichrist! I will be the villain of this play!"

... I might have ended up creating the bastard child of Angry Manjew and Kiara, with a bit of SAVIOUR OF FRANCE thrown in...

And then Araya got in there too. Snazzy.



Class: Beast
Name: The First Beast (False)

• Other names: Beast from the Sea, Antichrist, Nicolae Carpathia (False)
• True Name:
  Spoiler:

  Nicholas Borr Harwey

Place of Origin: unknown (legend originated in Greece)
Alignment: Neutral Evil

Parameters:
Strength: E
Agility: E
Endurance: E
Magic: C
Luck: C
Noble Phantasm: EX

Class Skills:

• Counter Hero (C-)
  Imposes a Rank Down of all parameters on those with a "heroic" alignment. Does not work against those with Divinity; unreliable against those with Protection of the Faith.
• Riding (C)
  Some vehicles can be handled with above-average skill.
• Monstrous Strength (E)
  Due to the nature of his summoning, this Beast does not have access to the form of the Seven-Headed Beast with ten crowns. As such, the strength boost will be extremely weak and will only cause his eyes to turn yellow.

Personal Skills:

• Charisma (E-A+)
  Normally, this skill is at E: leadership improves but morale of those following under him rapidly declines. However, when playing the part of the Beast, it increases to A+, where it becomes less of a talent and more of a curse.
• Powerless Shell (C-N/A)
  The user of the skill is difficult to perceive as a Servant. This skill will cancel upon the first activation of Angra Mainu/666.
• Spoiler:

  Magecraft (Code Cast) (B)
  This skill will only accessible if Beast learns his true identity. It allows access to all of the digital Code Cast abilities Nicholas learned in life, but converted into Magecraft form. He can cast these abilities on himself to boost parameters or cure status ailments, or cast them on enemies to debuff, stun, or damage them. Despite their conversion into proper Magecraft, they still retain a digital aesthetic. This ability is hindered by the average quality of his Magic Circuits, as well as inexperience in handling real Prana.

Noble Phantasm:

Spoiler:

Angra Mainyu/666: All the World’s Rebellion (Anti-Good/Anti-Planet, EX)
A Noble Phantasm that can only be activated once Beast accepts his legend of the Beast and his fate, but also symbolizes his eternal struggle against fate. As one who opposes the divine will and oppresses the chosen people, the Beast can be made the symbol of rebellion against the natural order. Just as Angra Mainyu became the scapegoat for All the World's Evils and Kiara Sessyoin became the mechanism for the release of All the World's Desires, Beast becomes an offering to the innate desire of humanity to break the rules, challenge the limits, and destroy the established order.

It creates a Septuple Bounded Field with ten arms around Beast that follows him wherever he goes. Those caught within the circle have the concept of "rebellion against God" imposed on them. As well, any point of the ground he touches will be disrupted, with stone and concrete cracking while plants writhe and wither and animals suddenly go wild and betray their natural instincts. The ten arms of the field can extend the field's effect to a specific point outside of the field; as they are connected to the innermost layer, they carry the field's full power.

Those who have a "good" alignment and/or pledged themselves to a higher being or moral code will find themselves both physically assaulted (in the form of burns) and mentally (in the form of loud, screeching thoughts). The closer they get to the center of the field, the stronger the effect becomes, to the point where if one is standing right next to Beast, they are effectively paralyzed, helpless as they are tormented. However, those who have a history of rebellion and who dislike the Gods/Higher Authorities/whatever will not be weakened, but rather empowered.

As Beast has a low magic capacity, this Bounded Field will have a high prana cost for the Master.

Lore:

Spoiler:

The Beast that rose from the Sea. While he has the same "essence" as the Beast of 666 summoned in the Second Holy Grail War of Tokyo by Sajyou Manaka, his characteristics and demeanor are quite different. According to some interpretations, he is the same as the Antichrist, the figure who will rule over the Earth for seven years, three-and-a-half as himself, and three-and-a-half as the vessel of the Devil.

This particular version of the Beast is different. Since Beast is an abberant class and the Beast that rose from the Sea is only hinted to be human, it is extremely easy to botch the summoning. It is far more likely that the summoner will not get the True Beast, but rather a Wraith inheriting it's legend and power.

An individual who has a personality of cursing their fate and a strong misotheistic tendency may be able to summon this version of the Beast. He is a Wraith forced into the role, a "Fake Servant" akin to the Sasaki Kojirou of the Fifth War of Fuyuki. Unlike Sasaki, however, this Beast has little memory of his mortal life. He cannot even remember his own name. All he can remember is that at some point in his life, he was involved in politics and became a scapegoat of sorts, seeking to make a revolutionary change in the world but failing, as he had been set up as the "villain" without his knowledge. As he died, he cursed his cruel sadistic fate, his being manipulated into becoming a monster through no fault of his own. And so he became associated with the legend of the Beast; specifically, the question of "Why was this man destined to have no chance of salvation?"

Spoiler:

If the circumstances of the Holy Grail War allow for a "perfect storm", it will be possible to discover the Beast's true identity. In this case, this version of the Beast is Nicholas Borr Harwey, a member of the Harwey Plutocracy. Raised to become a leader of the world, he suddenly turned his back on both his family and the Church that supported them. He caused grest turmoil in the world and actually succeeded in bringing a large portion of the world under his control and brought a time of great pain to the followers of the teaching of the Church, but ultimately failed in his rebellion and was killed. A figure worthy of being called "Antichrist", but not the one prophesied in the Bible.

Personality:
Beast is an individual who despises the status quo. He views the mass of humanity as weak-willed and easily manipulated by those in power who wish to maintain said status quo. He is very much devoted to the concept of destroying the current order; what makes him different than somebody like Spartacus, however, is that he views himself as fit to dictate how the new world should be. If a chance to gain power political or societal power presents himself, he will take it without fail. His wish to the Grail would be the destruction of all forms of the Abrahamic religions, both out of his role as the Beast and as a personal vendetta that will only grow stronger if he recalls his true identity.

Miscellaneous:
Likes: himself, those who challenge conventional morality, those who make change in the world.
Dislikes: authority figures (except himself), the dumb masses
Talents: public speaking
Natural Enemy: any individual with Divinity or connections to the divine
Notes:When summoned into this world, he will claim that his true name has been forgotten; as such, the first thing that he will do will be to research himself in order to find a name. However, if summoned into the modern era with access to the Internet, it is almost a certainty that he will take the pseudonym of Nicolae Carpathia until his True Name is discovered. Since this Wraith taking the role of Beast is actually an entity from the future, such a thing will be extremely difficult to discover.

[RoydGolden]

Well, that's certainly a different take on the Beast from mine. Your take is more a tragic villain, whereas mine was one who rejoiced in his own evil, even knowing his fate was to defeated by a 'hero'. He seems like he'd be a very interesting Servant to summon in a Grail War. I like the idea behind Angra Mainyu/666. It's a cool NP for him that isn't just literally giving the Beast or the Mark as I did. Against 'Lawful Good' foes it sounds like it'd be actually quite powerful, since they basically can't get close to him without suffering the drawbacks. Though of course, he'd be still vulnerable to projectiles and such.

Finally, I got a kick of the Nicolae Carpathia namedrop.

[Bird of Hermes]

I'm guessing it would be too much of a stretch to say Mary Poppins would be eligible as a Heroic Spirit?

Considering the book of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde was only publish 50 years before hers were.

[Crying]

To Bird of Hermes: Mary Poppins probably isn't eligible... but who cares, she'd be a fun Servant, so make her. Would she be a fake Servant ala Sasaki or a real Servant ala everybody else?

To AsGryffynn: Yep, that is one horribly overwanked Servant right there. I'm not going to say anything else about it.



Also, for anybody who cares, I'll be posting a new Servant sometimes within the near future. They're a Saber and I have mentioned them before.

[asterism42]

Mary Poppins would probably be an incarnation of Nursery Rhyme.

[Constructman]

I'm guessing it would be too much of a stretch to say Mary Poppins would be eligible as a Heroic Spirit?

Considering the book of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde was only publish 50 years before hers were.

The first Mary Poppins came out in... 1934.

That's kinda pushing it, but I got Franz Bardon (1909-1958) past you guys without anybody complaining about the dates. She'd probably have to be Andersen, Angra Mainyu, or Mata Hari levels of weak though

[AsGryffynn]

To Bird of Hermes: Mary Poppins probably isn't eligible... but who cares, she'd be a fun Servant, so make her. Would she be a fake Servant ala Sasaki or a real Servant ala everybody else?

To AsGryffynn: Yep, that is one horribly overwanked Servant right there. I'm not going to say anything else about it.



Also, for anybody who cares, I'll be posting a new Servant sometimes within the near future. They're a Saber and I have mentioned them before.

You know the strangest thing? I feel the overpowered thing isn't even stat wise, but rather because of his personal skills. I take those apart and drop his MR one rank down (I can't drop the riding, otherwise he wouldn't be able to be summoned as a Rider and he is a Rider servant or at least able to be summoned as one), I'd literally have another Saberface... Minus the Saberface...

I literally didn't give him anything I hadn't seen before. The only thing that might make him overpowered is having a Excalibur clone and a WFD clone that he can use at the same time.

That said, don't ask for stat downgrades. Those are not going to happen. He's the Saber standard for heroes from the early Middle Ages...

[Constructman]

El Cid:
-first off, Artoria Pendragon lived around 500 AD, while El Cid was from 1000 AD. And the Age of Gods on the European Mainland ended around 1 AD. Did you get your dates mixed up?
-waaaaaaaaay too many personal skills. Cu Chulainn had... Five with great synergy, and that was considered a lot (and explained why it took half a day for Gilgamesh to get him to kick it). The Bird of Hermes proposed in the blog post in his sig that we keep five as the upper limit for personal skills; that's what I've been doing.

Will add more; just wanted to address some obvious stuff.

[AsGryffynn]

El Cid:
-first off, Artoria Pendragon lived around 500 AD, while El Cid was from 1000 AD. And the Age of Gods on the European Mainland ended around 1 AD. Did you get your dates mixed up?
-waaaaaaaaay too many personal skills. Cu Chulainn had... Five with great synergy, and that was considered a lot (and explained why it took half a day for Gilgamesh to get him to kick it). The Bird of Hermes proposed in the blog post in his sig that we keep five as the upper limit for personal skills; that's what I've been doing.

Will add more; just wanted to address some obvious stuff.

Do we really know when it ended? We know Solomon's death accelerated the demise, but we don't know when it ended completely, do we?

And don't worry, I can remove two of those skills, since two of those are next to useless anyways...

[Constructman]

I'm using Caster Cu's interlude in FGO as a source (not translated yet. Mewarmo has a post about it here.

Admittedly, the Age of Gods ended in different places with different religions, but I don't really see it taking 1000 extra years on the Iberian Peninsula.

[Zork Knight]

I'm pretty sure Arthuria lived some 5 or 6 centuries BEFORE El Cid...

And apparently, the Age of Gods was pretty much over in the Roman Empire at 60 CE.

[asterism42]

It's specifically islands that retained AoG status for a while longer, which Iberia isn't.

[AsGryffynn]

I'm using Caster Cu's interlude in FGO as a source (not translated yet. Mewarmo has a post about it here.

Admittedly, the Age of Gods ended in different places with different religions, but I don't really see it taking 1000 extra years on the Iberian Peninsula.

Depends. We know that the Irish gods died rather early on (around Cu's time) but if the age ended with the death of a local pantheon, I am using it to refer to the bigger picture. The last god died when it was officially the age of man. The age of man seems to have arrived after the middle ages. Since the age that arrives after the middle ages is the age of discovery, I thought it fit there. It also ties in neatly with the Papal Schism starting nearly 30 years after El Cid's death...

- - - Updated - - -

I'm pretty sure Arthuria lived some 5 or 6 centuries BEFORE El Cid...

I don't see anything wrong with that stat wise. Jeanne d'Arc is 350 years younger and has similar stats...

- - - Updated - - -

It's specifically islands that retained AoG status for a while longer, which Iberia isn't.

Wait, so when did the damned age ended worldwide?

[Bird of Hermes]

You weren't lying that El Cid was gonna be OP as all hell. Anyways, time for serious feedback.

1). Too many personal skills. I have a rule of no more than 5. I'd ditch the firearm squad skill as you could just say it's archer exclusive and I'd ditch pioneer of the stars as his whole thing is "ending the age of gods which is what you have godslayer for. Maybe create an original skill call 'Great Saviour' as a cheat skill that has charisma and golden rule of the same rank and keep military tactics at B (as you posted it twice).

2). Way too many EX's. When I made Parashursma, who frequently beat up gods and trained Karna. So yeah, he's stronger than Karna, I only gave him 2 EX's. Do I would recommend dropping them to B or A. With Godslayer, Scathach does it as a hobby in a daily basis and only has it at B so I would say to have that.

3). The Second Sword, I'd say it's in the same level of fame as Caliburn which is rank B so maybe B+.

Niw the critique is over now for the good stuff. I absolutely adore the time and effort put into his personality and lore. It shows you really care about the character. I've also noticed you put Zeus as a natural enemy (who I made as a shielder) How do you think would happen in a Grail War if the two were both summoned either by fighting or talking?

[Zork Knight]

I don't see anything wrong with that stat wise. Jeanne d'Arc is 350 years younger and has similar stats...

1. The point is that they're not from "the same time period"
2. Jeanne has the whole fame boost, Ruler stats, and all that jazz...

Also, Poseidon was still around in the 16th Century, and Odin is still around in the 21st. Or at least was in the late 20th.

[Constructman]

Depends. We know that the Irish gods died rather early on (around Cu's time) but if the age ended with the death of a local pantheon, I am using it to refer to the bigger picture. The last god died when it was officially the age of man. The age of man seems to have arrived after the middle ages. Since the age that arrives after the middle ages is the age of discovery, I thought it fit there. It also ties in neatly with the Papal Schism starting nearly 30 years after El Cid's death...

Technically, the Age of Gods ended not with the death of the Gods, but with the Gods losing their Authority over the world. Say Arceuied lost the ability to Marble Phantasm; that's a rough description of what happened to the Gods. They're still around, however; just not doing stuff like throwing thunderbolts or parting the Sea of Reeds or incarnating into human form and kicking demon ass. The AoG-AoM transition more refers to the laws of physics taking precedence over Divine Privilege. As Zork Knight posted, Odin is still alive despite not having that many worshippers left (does he appear in Fragments?)

[Crying]

You know how I said I'd be posting a Saber some time in the future? Turns out that time is now.
Like, not even a full hour after I said it. Jesus.

I feel it's rather flawed, but I'm fond of the sheet. I feel like I might have overwanked him a bit, which I try not to do. there's also the fact that the sword which makes him a Saber class isn't even an NP, but Nero did that as well so...

Anyway, without further ado:

Class: Saber
Alternate Classes: Rider, Berserker, Ruler
Master:
True Name: Baldwin IV, the Leper King
Sex: Male
Height/Weight: 173cm/65kg
Alignment: Lawful Good

Appearance

Stats

Strength: B
Endurance: E (D)
Agility: C
Magical Energy: A
Luck: B-
Noble Phantasm: B

Skills

Class Skills:
Magic Resistance: D-
Grants protection against magical effects. Cancel spells with a chant below two verses. Cannot defend against Magecraft on the level of High-Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals. As Saber had little to no interactions with Magecraft in his life, his natural rank in this skill is E, with the D-Rank only being achieved through religious faith. However, because it is mostly born through faith is suffer reduced effectiveness against Magecaft with christian roots/leanings/connections, such as Baptism Sacraments.

Riding: B
The ability to control mounts. Most vehicles can be handled with above average skill. However, cannot ride the likes of Phantasm Races such as Monstrous Beasts.

Personal Skills:
Leprosy: -
An infection that Saber had to live with his whole life. It bears some similarities to the Battle Continuation skill, but rather than an ability to fight on despite grievous wounds, it is an inability to feel pain. There is a serious risk of losing use of various parts of the body due to this illness, and even losing them entirely due to unnoticed wounds and/or infections.

Charisma: B++
The natural talent to lead others. Increases the ability of allies during battle. Saber became king during a time of crisis and, by most accounts, should have been overwhelmed. On top of that, his leprosy should have dictated that he be ineligible for the throne. Ultimately through a combination of the efforts of others, luck and sheer will he managed to not only hold his kingdom together, but make it thrive for a time.

Miracle: B
A skill that makes the impossible possible. Although it has some similarities with the skill Pioneer of the Stars, it is something essentially different. There are also differences regarding the things that it can be applied. To call Saber’s victory at the Battle of Montgisard anything other than a Miracle would surely offend him.

Military Tactics: C
Tactical knowledge used not for one-on-one combat situations, but for battles where many are mobilized. Bonus modifiers are provided during use of one's own Anti-Army Noble Phantasm or when dealing against an enemy Anti-Army Noble Phantasm. It was not only luck that allowed Saber to defeat Saladin.

Soul of a Martyr: A+
A mental protection born from one's ability to suffer hardships through faith. It would be fair to say that the one true constant in Saber’s life was suffering - all of which he bared without complaint. His willingness to suffer through hardships is almost Messianic in a way…

Equipment

Baldwin’s sword, and what technically qualifies him as a Saber, is known as Defensor Hierusalem which could be a Noble Phantasm, but lacks the required fame to become one. Despite that, it is magical enough to be capable of harming enemy Servants. It’s a rather simple sword with few adornments which, as a descendant of Saint George’s Ascalon, gains power when being used to defend.

Noble Phantasms

Redintegro, the ‘Armour’ of the Holy King: C- (Anti-Self, Support)
Redintegro is not truly the armour of Saber, but rather the cloths and bandages worn beneath it. A sort of Mystic Code bearing similarities to a Burial Shroud, Redintegro was made in an attempt to counter Saber’s leprosy.

In life, Redintegro failed at that, providing a weak healing effect that only slightly slowed the effects of Saber’s leprosy. However, the imagery of Saber’s armour, and more importantly the bandages underneath it, have come to be heavily associated with leprosy - especially a person ‘defying’ it.

As such, Redintegro has changed from some Mystic Code cloth and bandages that barely did anything to an armour Noble Phantasm with the conceptual effect of 'overcoming illness' that is essentially a constant low-level regeneration effect. It also gives Saber’s Endurance a Rank Up while he wears it.

True Cross, by the Grace of our Saviour: C+ (Support, Anti-Self)
The True Cross that Baldwin prostrated himself before in prayer and reverence before his victory at the Battle of Montisgard crystallized as one of his Noble Phantasms.

When activated, True Cross provides him with B-Ranks in Guardian Knight and Eye of the Mind (True) for however long the fight they were activated in. While that may seem rather strong, the actual Noble Phantasm is held back by the difficulty it takes to use it.

In order to use it, one must have extreme faith in the Christian religion. It is also held back because the user cannot actually activate it themselves. It only activates itself automatically when it’s user enters battle within an hour of having prostrated themselves before it and prayed.

King’s Blind March, a Warrior to the End: B (Anti-Army, Anti-Mind)
Salah ad-Din, more commonly known as Saladin, twice started capturing the Castle of Kerak. Both times Saber, who by this point had lost use of many parts of his body including his eyes, decided that he would put an end to it.

Blind and lame, Saber had his people march him to the battlefield on a stretcher. Saladin, who had evidently come to fear Saber after his defeat, retreated upon learning of his approach without even engaging the forces of Jerusalem - twice this happened, playing out almost exactly the same both times.

These events have been crystallized in the form of Saber’s most powerful Noble Phantasm, King’s Blind March. When activated it amplifies Saber’s presence massively, making him seem far more powerful than he is, and summons an illusionary army to follow him into battle.

If the amplified presence and illusionary army aren’t enough to drive off his foes, the Noble Phantasm also applies a Fear effect on anybody with a 100m radius of Saber when King’s Blind March is activated, though anybody with a D-Rank or above in a mental resistance skill can overcome it easily enough.

[AsGryffynn]

You weren't lying that El Cid was gonna be OP as all hell. Anyways, time for serious feedback.

1). Too many personal skills. I have a rule of no more than 5. I'd ditch the firearm squad skill as you could just say it's archer exclusive and I'd ditch pioneer of the stars as his whole thing is "ending the age of gods which is what you have godslayer for. Maybe create an original skill call 'Great Saviour' as a cheat skill that has charisma and golden rule of the same rank and keep military tactics at B (as you posted it twice).

2). Way too many EX's. When I made Parashursma, who frequently beat up gods and trained Karna. So yeah, he's stronger than Karna, I only gave him 2 EX's. Do I would recommend dropping them to B or A. With Godslayer, Scathach does it as a hobby in a daily basis and only has it at B so I would say to have that.

3). The Second Sword, I'd say it's in the same level of fame as Caliburn which is rank B so maybe B+.

Niw the critique is over now for the good stuff. I absolutely adore the time and effort put into his personality and lore. It shows you really care about the character. I've also noticed you put Zeus as a natural enemy (who I made as a shielder) How do you think would happen in a Grail War if the two were both summoned either by fighting or talking?

Finally someone with valid complaints...

1. If I had to ditch one, I'd ditch God Slayer and one of the military skills, since they are vestigial as a Saber. Pioneer of the Stars still works since El Cid was the last big shot from Spain before it somehow became a Superpower and ever since then, the world's center of power has been in Europe or in it's colonies (America), so it can still fit in. After all, he's one of the few heroes I can think of that united Spaniards and Moors to create his own fiefdom where both were equals...

2. God slayer will most likely go altogether if there were still gods around afterwards, since the whole point was that his life coincided with a Gotterdammerung scenario were the last remaining gods all died before he did. If Poseidon and Odin are still around, then that will have no use to him or me.

3. Rank B to B+ then (I will use a coin for this one since I have no idea which to use).

As for the character, I will confess he already existed as the same character in an original fiction story I am writing. I already had the time to flesh him out for the most part. As I hinted at before, he's a Seto Kaiba with dashes of Rin and Suzaku Kururugi. As for the question, they'd probably avoid each other like the plague. El Cid wants nothing to do with Zeus (he destroyed Olympus once) and Zeus refuses to even acknowledge him (since he's one of the few mortals he can't curse, smite or burn to a crisp).

On the other side, the moment he heard Boudica or Goldilocks was in the grail war he'd probably go on a rally to mow them down in the most brutal way possible. Nii sama hates bullies and can't stand onee sama...

1. The point is that they're not from "the same time period"
2. Jeanne has the whole fame boost, Ruler stats, and all that jazz...

Also, Poseidon was still around in the 16th Century, and Odin is still around in the 21st.

1. Means jack to their stats...
2. El Cid is someone all Spaniards and many Americans know, so his fame's on par with Jeanne d'Arc and King Arthur. Also, is the Ruler claim a thing?

And if what you claim is true, then technically the age of the gods was never over. It simply lost it's prominence, but since no one seems to know, I might just have to scrap that part altogether.