Create-A-Servant 2

[SleepMode]

(This is a Noble Phantasm-in progress for a Servant I'm making, I just want to post it to others to see whether it's "overwanked" or not. If there are some problems, please point them out.)

Spider Bombs - Villain’s Cursed Legacy - C - Anti-Unit -

The Primary Noble Phantasm that Matsunaga Hisahide utilizes aside from his normal explosives. The NP is a manifestation and combination of his Three Great Sins and infamous death via explosion. These vile deeds take form as numerous small spiders that are formed from gunpowder with the Matsunaga crest on their back. Otherwise, these “bombs” just look like a smaller version of a common house spider.

When they’re deployed, these spider bombs will crawl towards their targets. Never stopping, they will get to their targets slowly but surely. When they arrive at their targets’ place of inhabitance, the spider bombs’ common tactic would usually be hiding within an item/apparatus (i.e. cups, remotes, keyholes) that the target regularly uses. And when the target either uses the item or apparatus, it triggers a 2 second countdown. After the countdown, the spider detonates, creating an explosion equivalent to a grenade’s. While this would deal relative damage for a Servant, this would certainly be lethal for a Master.

Hisahide is allowed to deploy only a maximum of eight spider bombs into the field. If any of them is detonated/destroyed, he can recreate them 3 minutes later. These spider bombs aren’t controllable under the Familiars Skill, so they can only track down their targets by sensing the specific sound waves that they emit. Because of this, if the target ceases to make any sound, the spider bombs will have no idea where to crawl. However, if anyone tries to crush them before they reach their target, the spider bombs will detonate immediately.

[Arashi_Leonhart]

Spider Bombs - Villain’s Cursed Legacy - C - Anti-Unit -

[SleepMode]

The comparison is unavoidable...

Personally, I think of the spider bombs as a low-grade Sheer Heart Attacks...

In truth, I'm trying to find a way to differentiate the idea from Mephistopheles' NP. Is there any ideas to improve it?

[WhatShouldNotBe]

(This is a Noble Phantasm-in progress for a Servant I'm making, I just want to post it to others to see whether it's "overwanked" or not. If there are some problems, please point them out.)

Spider Bombs - Villain’s Cursed Legacy - C - Anti-Unit -

why not something more like Killer Queen's "replace random objects with bombs, they were bombs all along!"

[Arashi_Leonhart]

I'd steer away from explosives and figure out something else that might be in the same realm as a mobile trap weapon. Unfortunately you also have Matou razor bugs and the Fate/Zero interlude zombie bees to contend with in the same general vicinity.

Spiders that burst into venom or shoot razor wire might be more interesting. The former might still fit a dude that chaffed under Nobunaga and tried to undermine him. The latter just because its cool.

[castor212]

is it really have to be spider

[RoydGolden]

I'd steer away from explosives and figure out something else that might be in the same realm as a mobile trap weapon. Unfortunately you also have Matou razor bugs and the Fate/Zero interlude zombie bees to contend with in the same general vicinity.

Spiders that burst into venom or shoot razor wire might be more interesting. The former might still fit a dude that chaffed under Nobunaga and tried to undermine him. The latter just because its cool.

I don't see a huge problem with the bombs. Yeah, it's a little similar to Mephisto's shtick, but still different enough to be interesting IMO.

And it's not like we don't have two dozen different variations on the sword-beam idea already. Of course, if you think of a more innovative take on the concept, that's even better!

[JetKinen]

After playing Nioh, I feel like you should go the Sakamoto Koha-Ace route and make Matsunaga summon a spider waifu, much like Sakamoto summons a dragon waifu.

Make it an explosive spider waifu, i dunno.

[SleepMode]

After playing Nioh, I feel like you should go the Sakamoto Koha-Ace route and make Matsunaga summon a spider waifu, much like Sakamoto summons a dragon waifu.

Make it an explosive spider waifu, i dunno.

Don't worry, Spooder Husbando has something similar to this...

- - - Updated - - -

Also, thanks for the suggestions, I think I have and Alternate idea to improve the "Spider Bombs" concept now!

[Daneel Rush]

Final revisions made to Ur-Nungal a little bit back. Should be done and up to standards now. Feel free to take a look if you want.

I'd say you haven't gone half as far as you could've with Ur-Nungal, but this new version is original. On the other hand, I'm almost 100% sure you mixed up the portfolios of Ninegal and Nungal, which are admittedly easy to mix up, or at least that's the impression I get from the new NP. I wish I could offer more praise, because you went through the effort of taking a second look at that boring first version, and I really appreciate that, but I guess I'm not really that into the origin story you came up with. Again, I'll acknowledge its originality; I just don't favor it.

[RoydGolden]

On the other hand, I'm almost 100% sure you mixed up the portfolios of Ninegal and Nungal, which are admittedly easy to mix up, or at least that's the impression I get from the new NP.

From a cursory search on Wikipedia, Nungal (also known as Manungal) is a goddess of the underworld presiding over something called the "tablet of life", so I'd say it fits well enough.

[Aodyssey]

Made a Lakshamana, Rama's brother sheet a couple page back. I'd appreciate feedback, esp. cause I'm a bit unsatisfied with how he turns out.

[Bird of Hermes]

Made a Lakshamana, Rama's brother sheet a couple page back. I'd appreciate feedback, esp. cause I'm a bit unsatisfied with how he turns out.

Alrighty then.

It was a less than serious profile and it showed - especially with the FC choice. If you're going with more of a joke sheet you may as well embrace the parody aspect. Perhaps ditch Guardian Knight with a made up skill like Brotherly Devotion that allows him to endlessly pursue his

Rama

Master

. A second Noble Phantasm to add flavour would help but I don't know enough about the figure to suggest anything. Just make him the Krillin to Rama's Goku.

- - - Updated - - -

I'd say you haven't gone half as far as you could've with Ur-Nungal, but this new version is original. On the other hand, I'm almost 100% sure you mixed up the portfolios of Ninegal and Nungal, which are admittedly easy to mix up, or at least that's the impression I get from the new NP. I wish I could offer more praise, because you went through the effort of taking a second look at that boring first version, and I really appreciate that, but I guess I'm not really that into the origin story you came up with. Again, I'll acknowledge its originality; I just don't favor it.

That's fair. I had hit a wall at the beginning so posted the incomplete version precisely for feedback like yours which was appreciated. The two Mesopotamia Servants I've made a seem to have been a bit hit-and-miss so I may stay clear for the time being. I'm going to leave the sheet as is for the moment now its passable but out of interest what would you have done differently and how would you have gone further?

[Historia]

From a cursory search on Wikipedia, Nungal (also known as Manungal) is a goddess of the underworld presiding over something called the "tablet of life", so I'd say it fits well enough.

Better than wikipedia is the source (?),

Then the lady is exultant; the powerful goddess, holy Nungal, praises herself: [...] Mercy and compassion are mine. I frighten no one. I keep an eye upon the black-headed people: they are under my surveillance. I hold the tablet of life in my hand and I register the just ones on it. The evildoers cannot escape my arm; I learn their deeds. All countries look to me as to their divine mother. I temper severe punishments; I am a compassionate mother. I cool down even the angriest heart, sprinkling it with cool water. I calm down the wounded heart; I snatch men from the jaws of destruction.

From my understanding, Nungal is a goddess of imprisonment and nothing more. Like a glorified prison overseer. Then again I only read the hymn after a quick five minute google search. So eh.

Obviously this means Nungal is a dark-skinned tsundere loli.

[LeadDemon]

I should probably start posting some of my sheets here I guess, so have a clown I just finished.

--

Canio, Tragic Clown



Class: Assassin
Master:
Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
Gender: Male
Height: 180 cm
Weight: 81 kg
Attribute: Man

STR: D
CON: D
AGI: B
MGI: D
LCK: C
Noble Phantasm: A

Legend:

The main character of the play Pagliacci. An actor who plays the part of a clown, Pagliaccio, in a play within that play. The work as a whole is regarded as a core example of the blurring between art and life.

Pagliaccio’s story is that of a clown who is betrayed by his wife’s infidelity, and who is drugged before his wife and her lover abandon him. In Pagliacci, Canio’s wife plays Pagliaccio’s own wife, and in fact is committing infidelity behind Canio’s back. Before a performance of the play, Canio discovers his wife’s actions through the aid of a friend, Tonio, and seeks to discover the identity of her lover.

Over the course of the play, Canio is manipulated by Tonio and assured that he will find out the identity of his wife’s lover during the play. To that end, he attempts to force down his emotions and act out the play, only for his emotions to overwhelm him. An interrogation of his wife as Pagliaccio soon becomes a true interrogation of his wife in the middle of the play, the audience enraptured by what they believe to be a genuine performance.

Fueled by madness and rage, Canio murders his wife onstage, the audience helpless to watch. In the assault, Canio’s wife calls out for her lover, Silvio, who appears on the stage to her aid only to be struck down by Canio as well.

The play concludes with Canio onstage, two corpses at his sides, and with the simple words “The comedy is finished!”

I’ve not done the play justice in this explanation, so I recommend reading (or better, watching) it yourself for a better one.

Tactics:

A ridiculously difficult Servant to use properly. Through his unique Personal Skill, Canio should be able to be utilized as a nonstandard form of Assassin, taking advantage of usual expectations about the class in order to cull the competition. If used competently, it should be possible to launch precision strikes against enemy Masters and eliminate some of the more troublesome competition.

However, this is all ruined by the presence of Mental Pollution. Persuading Canio to enter a strategically advantageous persona will be difficult at best, and while using a Command Seal might seem viable in the short-term, it will surely be detrimental in the long-term. Even as a Servant in the Holy Grail War, he will not act simply in the name of victory, but will instead only act if he finds the role to be one worth playing.

The Noble Phantasm is a similar matter. Ideally, one would try to have Canio play the role of a great hero such as Heracles, in order to acquire that set of abilities. However, Canio’s emotions are far more likely to flare when simply playing the role of a mundane man, as it is a role that he himself can better empathize with. Moreover, simply causing his emotions to reach that crescendo is difficult from a tactical perspective as it is not the sort of thing that can be forced, unless one is so desperate as to use a Command Seal.

Unless the Master’s mind is similarly ailed, trying to foster a relationship of communication is impossible, and even then trying to foster trust would be a herculean effort. The exception would be if the Master’s particular mental ailments paralelled Canio’s own. Should that be the case then there’s no point in explaining further, as tactics will not matter to such a pair.

In other words, he is a theoretically valuable Servant who is made practically difficult to use by way of limitations and character. In order to use him to the fullest, one must play the role of Tonio and carefully puppeteer him, walking a tightrope between strategic value and Canio’s own desires while attempting to spin what is tactically valuable as something that Canio should himself want. If one is a true genius at that art, and possesses a fair amount of luck, then they may be able to eke out a victory.

As a partner, he is paranoid, obsessive, and simply difficult to hold a conversation with. If it’s friendship and camaraderie that’s being pursued, one should look elsewhere. He is a clown through and through who has yet to find a proper way of articulating his own wish, varying from “that I had never married her” to “that I knew it was Silvio earlier”. At his core, he simply wishes that his life had been a peaceful one, one where he could have acted to his heart’s content, had a drink with friends, and live alongside someone who cared for him as much as he cared for her. In that regard, he can only be called a pitiful figure who loathes being pitied, but there might be some Masters who see such a hopeless case as someone worth fighting alongside.

Class Skills:

Presence Concealment: -

Through acquisition of the Personal Skill “Vesti la Giubba”, Presence Concealment has been sealed.

Personal Skills:

Vesti la Giubba: EX

Putting on the costume. Forcing down one’s emotions, one’s heart, and one’s own nature. The core of the tragic clown which wears a smile even as his spirit starts to crumble.

Rather than the ability to conceal one’s presence, this is instead the ability to conceal one’s nature underneath another persona. In the eyes of the observer, Canio cannot be viewed as the Servant Assassin, Canio, but rather as the role he chooses to play. Even such things as the flow of magical energy around him become indicative not of his own nature, but of the nature of the role. The same holds true for attempts to read his status as a Servant; if he is playing the role of another Servant then their status will be displayed, and if he is playing the role of a human then no status will be available. Even if one possesses the ability to see through alignments, the alignment they will witness is not Canio’s own, but merely the role he plays. However, a role is only as complete as Canio’s knowledge of it.

This capability has reached nonstandard rank due to synergy with the remaining Personal Skills, with Canio’s own acting ability and with the madness that causes him to enter the role he plays entirely. At this rank, even entering combat or the indictment from an ally cannot shake his role, as the cries of his wife failed to move the audience until she had already perished.

Mental Pollution: B

The mind has become ill. Mental interference of B rank and below is shut out, but mutual understanding with the sane has become impossible.

The madness brought on by the infidelity of Canio’s wife, the blind obsession with seeking out her lover and bringing him to an end, the feral scream of a broken man as he loses the line between where he ends and the play begins.

Performance: A

Talent for acting. An art that moves the masses, blending sound and movement to tell a story with visceral human emotion. Canio’s profession, and one he bears considerable skill in. While not one of the greatest actors to grace the earth, he can nonetheless be considered first-rate in his art.

At this rank, performances can even generate an effect of fascination upon those who witness them; in order to resist this, a resistance to fascination at any rank is needed.

Noble Phantasm:

The Comedy is Finished

La Commedia è finita!

Rank: A
Type: Anti-Unit(Self) / Anti-Mind
Range: -
Maximum Number of Targets: -

The terminus of Canio’s story. Throughout the story of Pagliacci, the line between theater and reality blurs, until the two become one and the same and the characters surrender themselves to that similarity.

This Noble Phantasm is best termed as the crystallization of Pagliacci itself, held up by Canio’s will. In believing himself to have firmly separated between himself and the clown he plays, in screaming at his wife for the name of her lover, Canio truly becomes Pagliaccio moreso than he has ever been before.

This is not a Noble Phantasm which can be activated of Canio’s own will. If there was one who could do such a thing, it would be not Canio but Tonio, the puppeteer of the tale. In his case, this Noble Phantasm would likely be something similar to an inferior version of the First Folio of Shakespeare. In Canio’s case though, this Noble Phantasm is implicitly activated when two conditions are met: Canio is “playing a role”, and his emotions have reached a crescendo.

Upon the activation of the Noble Phantasm, the line between Canio and the role he plays blurs. While ordinarily he merely possesses the visage of his role, through his own delusions reality is altered such as to overlap him with that very role. In other words, self-modification of the Saint Graph through delusion; in that sense, it could be considered a cousin of the skill Imperial Privilege. Canio acquires the “everything” of the part he is playing, from abilities to even elements of their mentality, whilst retaining his own abilities.

At the same time, the actor is not the only participant in a play. Just as the play becomes reality, so too does reality become a play. At the time of activation, those who either have previously witnessed Canio in this persona or are currently observing him become “the audience”. The audience may not interfere upon a play, they are merely observers who watch with bated breath. In other words, they are imposed upon with a compulsion that they must absolutely not interfere with Canio, for that would be the heretical act of the audience disrupting the play.

...however, after this Noble Phantasm is used once, it is considered to be sealed. In other words, Canio is only capable of merging with his role once, and once he does he will persist in this state for the remainder of the Holy Grail War.

[Iceblade44]

Interesting sheet of something i have no knowledge of. So basically his strongpoint would be his disguises and his NP is assimilating it. Basically the ultimate Faker, nice.

[asterism42]

[WhatShouldNotBe]

Hold on, for my Erlang Shen sheet, does anyone have any other comments they want to make?

because I feel a little bit like his Three Pointed Spear Np is a little overloaded.

[Iceblade44]

Seems all right, while is a little wank as long its explained in lore its alright. My complaint for the spear is the same as Royd that I don't really get the reason for the clone. Thats all i got from a brief look through

[Theoneandonlyz]

Hold on, for my Erlang Shen sheet, does anyone have any other comments they want to make?

because I feel a little bit like his Three Pointed Spear Np is a little overloaded.

Honestly the Spear NP is WAY overloaded. I personally dislike skills that give more skills or NPs with distinct and separate functions...looking at you Ushiwakamaru. It feels like cheating you know. A servant container nerf the original. There's no reason for any servant to have everything the original had. Not even close to it.

I would give the spear a passive anti-dragon and anti-demon property plus maybe a cosmetic lightning aura just to keep true to the legends. I would keep the earth splitting active effect or change it to a general "Control and Manipulate Earth" (think epic Earthbending) just so you can use it to bind those pesky water dragons. Remember in Chinese elements Earth absorbs Water so Erlang can still dominate his prefered foes.

Also...DOGGY!

Love how you made his pup a Corgi of all things. Truly this is a noble phantasm worthy of the EX Rank. Ea? Avalon? transforming random village girl into a dragon? pigeon loving gambling addict jacking the gods' lightning (which he totally did not do btw)? Whatever!

Best!Puppy is a MYSTERY that transcend them all!

League of Gods is a good source to see how a general Earth Control and Manipulation power set could work for Erlang. The movie overall is just rubbish though.

I would also either drop the 72 Transformations skill entirely or boost it to at least A rank if you REALLY want to focus on the fact that he matched Sun Wukong (sort of) in that contest. But I'm leery of giving him 4 skills at A or A+. A servant doesn't have to represent on every aspect of their legend.

Finally I think giving him Magic Resistance A+ is overkill and frankly pointless. A rank is good enough.