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Thread: Create-A-Servant 2

  1. #4701
    夜属 Nightkin GilgameshKingOfMemes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 4score7years View Post
    Circe: Not sure Independent Action makes any sense. Seems a little contradictory with the rest of the sheet and with the Nasuverse in general.

    There are too many skills currently anyway so that's the first one I'd cut
    Too many skills was a concern of mine so I will remove that one cause I do think it had the weakest justification.
    Last edited by GilgameshKingOfMemes; February 24th, 2017 at 11:22 PM.

  2. #4702
    Time to burn some dread Daneel Rush's Avatar
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    I - Alexandria
    II - Mausoleum
    III - Gehenna
    IV – Solomon
    The scene was frozen; every person present had wordless agreed on a moment of perfect stillness, crafted by the rapid succession of surprising events leading to that flawless instant. The sequence was clear in the Master’s head; they had arrived to witness a battle but frightening and magnificent. His Servants and their Egyptian allies worked together to whittle down Avenger’s stamina and willpower—she may have had the infinite supply from the Grail, but there was only so much magical energy her body could contain and utilize at any given time. Therefore, Mordred and Nero challenged her inhuman reflexes and agility with their swordsmanship, while Arsinoë aimed for sparse but powerful attacks whenever she thought she saw a gap, and Cleopatra’s light magic clashed with Avenger’s black flame. The dark Servant was swift on her feet; her dress was not a hindrance in the slightest. She moved quickly and cunningly, avoiding being surrounded and unleashing endless streams of flame to hinder the Servants’ performance in melee. She took and gave in equal amount—the enemy Servant that landed a hit, no matter how small, almost immediately became engulfed and blasted away in an explosion of black fire. It was four-versus-one, and the fight was astonishingly even.

    For a moment there, he thought there were supposed to be more Servants in that fight, but he quickly dismissed the thought and focused on what he did see.

    When Avenger managed to put enough space long enough to unleash her fiery Noble Phantasm, Artemisia placed multiple layers of wall stone between the flame tsunami and themselves. He vaguely remembered shouting something, but Artemisia’s barrier did not let him see his Servant’s desperate efforts to withstand the powerful technique. He knew something had gone horribly wrong when he heard the blood-curdling scream, the howl of a maddened Servant.

    Cleopatra had fallen.

    “I’m sorry…divine ancestor…everyone…I will be going ahead…” Her last words before dispersing in a cloud of golden dust.

    Arsinoë did not take it well. Completely losing all traces of self-control, the big-sister-like pharaoh became a mourning beast, howling even as she lunged to tear apart Cleopatra’s vanquisher. The two Saber-class Servants had to pull away so as to not become secondary targets of Berserker’s wrath. The maddened pharaoh, losing all idea of self-preservation, leapt into the flames and met Avenger’s attacks with her small yet powerful body. It was a matter when she would succumb to Avenger’s merciless counterstrikes.

    But then, Avenger faltered. Perhaps her body complained about the overuse of the Grail’s power. In any case, her legs locked and her flaming assault ceased for a critical instant Arsinoë did not miss—or rather, she had never stopped her reckless attacks in the first place. She finally reached into Avenger’s personal space, her clenched hand ready to spear through her body.

    And that was the frozen scene he was witnessing. He barely caught Anna gasping by his side, bringing her hands to cover her mouth. Nero and Mordred stood some ways away from everything, looking more confused than anything else. For it was not Avenger whose body was torn through by Berserker’s mighty arm.

    “Why…?” whispered Solomon’s queen, taking a stumbling step backwards as her knees failed her for a moment.

    Artemisia paid no heed to the blood-coated hand protruding out of her chest. Her skin, pale as it already was, lost even more color as the vital fluid leaked out of the wound. Her smile was feeble, but it was there, in all its eloquence.

    “You…brought my brother back to me…when I saw…you were about to get hurt…this body…just moved…on its own…”

    Gratitude. Loyalty. Nobility.

    She was, after all, a great queen.

    Arsinoë was shocked into lucidity, but her arm nonetheless moved on its own, pulling itself out of Artemisia’s body with a wicked squelch. The Queen of Caria thus collapsed, falling on her bum and barely stopping her face from striking the stone floor.

    “Brother…” She sought the face of her beloved with empty, half-lidded eyes. “I’m…terribly sorry… I wanted to…with you…forever…”

    The Master closed his eyes; a form of quiet mourning. Whether it was Mausolus’ presence inside him, or plain rejection of an unnecessary death, the heart ached nonetheless.

    Arsinoë and Naamah stared at the empty space left by Artemisia’s departure, each mote of golden light a slap on their faces and a flame in their hearts. Again, the young man from Chaldea wondered what kind of thoughts and shared memories passed through their heads; what kind of lives they had lived in their artificial playground before he and his Servants arrived.

    Arsinoë’s arms fell with a weighty feeling, as the passing of Artemisia washed away her will to fight. She glanced at Avenger, perhaps hoping this would be the end point for their little fiasco, only to meet a strange sigil drawn in black flames. She vaguely caught somebody yelling her name—the boy, mayhap? —before she was blown away.

    Naamah was thus far unharmed, but not unscathed. It was probably connected to her overuse of the grail, but her body no longer rose as regally as before, and her breathing had become more pronounced.

    “Not enough. You have not shown me enough, and you are running out of time. Rather than letting the 72 demons have their way with you, I will strike you down right here.”

    “My Master, my love! Come to me; I wish you by my side. Also, do tell me who that remarkably lovely lady may be, for she is a thousand unwritten love songs, yet her presence smolders my chest in a manner most unpleasant.”

    The young man did not need Nero’s cue to rejoin his Servants, and he hoped the bridal Saber did not read too much into his relieved face. If anything, he appreciated Mordred and Arsinoë not taking their eyes from the opponent.

    “Not much time; ladies, this is Anna. Anna, these are my fair companions. Plus her majesty Arsinoë II.”

    “…um. I’m Anna…please don’t mind me…” The child Servant felt better sticking close behind the young Master.

    “Master.”

    Mordred never took her eyes from the target. In fact, her feet inched slowly forward.

    “Good to see you’re fine and dandy. So, um, I’m gonna go all out now. Dat right with ya?”

    He hesitated for a moment. He knew just how point less this battle truly was in the grand scheme of things. It meant nothing to him, nothing to Chaldea, nothing to the restoration of the Human Order Foundation.

    However, it was crucially important to that masked woman.

    He almost whistled in admiration. There stood a real woman, capable of charming a man even without showing him an inch of skin.

    “…go for it, Mordred.”

    Arsinoë also took it as her cue, and the two Servants dashed towards their common opponent. Sword and fist were physically stopped by a wall of magical flame with unnatural solidity. Monstrous claws surged out of the wall, which were promptly dodged when Mordred and Arsinoë moved to flank Avenger from both sides. The black-clad Servant read that move and unleashed a barrage of bullets to her sides, forcing them to jump backwards and away from her. Then she kicked away the magic lurking around her right heel with some irritation before releasing the wall of fire like a massive ram towards the Master.

    “You use Witchcraft against me!? The Mother of Witches!?”

    Anna shrieked, and Nero cut apart the flames with her blade.

    “I, I’m sorry! I just—I thought…I could make her trip…unyaa…”

    Anna quickly relaxed under the Master’s patient and tender stroking.

    “That’s alright. Calm down and let us take care of this.”

    Naamah moved her arms like an overexcited orchestra director, attacking at the same time she weaved through Mordred and Arsinoë’s relentless assault. The two’s rate of attack was skillfully controlled by Avenger, as the two spent more time and concentration on stay away from Naamah’s many-shaped forms of attack. It somewhat reminded them of the King of Heroes, at least in how she shaped her flames into many different kinds of weapons.

    Arsinoë ducked under a thick lash of flames, while Mordred slashed apart the wall in front of her. Naamah leapt away before the next slash of Clarent split her in two, leaving a path of hungry flame spears to deter pursuit. The Egyptian pharaoh however leapt over the Tepes-like field of spears at the same time Nero lunged forward, having found a safe path to Naamah’s backside. However, Naamah surprised Nero with a backflip belying her manner of dress, at the same time a black fireball knocked Arsinoë out of the air. Immediately afterwards, Nero’s triumphant battle cry heralded a sudden burst of speed when she changed directions and spun to meet the landing Avenger with a circular slash. Almost as if she was made of the black flame itself, an explosion erupted out of the new wound, blasting Nero away until Mordred haphazardly caught her. It gave Naamah the time to put some necessary distance.

    The whole exchange had not taken five seconds, and the Master could only grasp the aftermath. Both sides were tired and wounded. Naamah looked around at the battered and cracking walls of their battlefield.

    “Without Artemisia, Mausoleum is falling apart. I guess it is about time to show you our true battlefield.”

    Again, a sigil of flames came to life in front of Avenger, but it was her words that made something click inside the Master’s head: if everything they had seen thus far was created by Artemisia’s Noble Phantasm, where were they really?

    “What the—!” Arsinoë and the two Sabers instinctively moved in front of the Master, and he had to appreciate that, for even he could sense the massive movement of magical energy surrounding Naamah.

    “Avenger!” he called out. “This is enough already!”

    “It is not! Why would I let fools like you face the King of Magic, if you cannot even overcome the likes of me!?”

    “You’re declaring victory way too early, blackie!” The ever-defiant Mordred gripped her sword and readied herself for yet another round.

    “You know as well as I do that I could have already overwhelmed you with Tophet Gehenna. But in my mercy, I shall offer you a final chance. Show me, Chaldea! That you can overcome my strongest Noble Phantasm!”

    “Another one!” Arsinoë shouted her disbelief. Anna shrieked and made herself even smaller behind the Master.

    “Isn’t it obvious!? I am a demon, Arsinoë! That naturally means I get a Reality Marble!”

    “Oh shi—”

    Sigillum Salomonis
    The Time of Hardship Has Come, She Is the One Who Rejects All
    !”

    The sigil of black flame diametrically changed color, exploding in a gentle wave of warm white flames that washed over the collapsing chamber, harming none but instead revealing a vast nothingness. A bleak island of hard, cracked grey soil like a wasteland, floating in a strange, surreal sky made of blue, purple, red and white stars. In the far distance, other islands were connected by gigantic, vile-looking tree roots. Above them, Solomon’s ominous ring of light shone menacingly like the Sword of Damocles.

    “What you see over there is your final destination. Solomon’s temple; his Reality Marble. You could say we are standing in his backyard, in a way.”

    As usual, Naamah was surrounded by tongues of black flame. She once again stood proudly, as if revitalized by the invocation of her strongest Noble Phantasm. The young man wanted, really wanted to focus on their current enemy and on the early visage of the final challenge they would have to face after clearing the final singularity, but…

    “Wait-wait-wait-wait—waiiiiiiiiiiit!” Mordred had a very good reason to cry so desperately. “Why the hell am I naked!?”

    “Hnn.” Arsinoë seemed to take it in stride. The horns were still there, though.

    On a side note, he was naked too. He was a gentleman, so he did not look at Anna, so he did not know that she, too, was naked, and that she was staring a lot.

    “Armor that was given to you. A sword that you took from Camelot’s vaults. Neither is allowed in this realm. On that regard…” She turned to Arsinoë. “You still have your ring, but I doubt you crafted it yourself.”

    “I earned it as an mystes of the Samothracian mysteries. You can’t take it from me.”

    “Indeed I cannot. But my utmost praise goes to you, emperor of the Romans. To think you remain untouched…”

    “Umu!” Nero proudly stabbed the ground with her sword. “Would you expect this one not to forge her fine sword with her own two hands? Would you expect this one not to craft her own wedding dress? Then you would not know this Nero Claudius at all!”

    With the boasting done, she turned a sheepish look at her Master…which was promptly dispelled as her eyes began to roam.

    “Focus, Nero.”

    “Ah, right! Um, well, it seems I have lost my Imperial Privilege skill, so my glorious swordsmanship has declined.”

    “Naturally,” Naamah added. “You did not earn your position as emperor. You merely inherited it. So it seems we have a weaponless knight and a knight with a sword she can no longer use properly. It appears only Arsinoë can put up some resistance—”

    “What are ya talking about, idiot?” Mordred crudely interrupted, cracking her knuckles. “So I can’t amplify magical anymore. Big fucking deal. I’ll just break your face with my own two hands.”

    “I thought you were quite embarra—”

    “Knock that off already! If even Master’s not embarrassed, what else can I do!? I hate every second of this, so I’m gonna kick your ass, like, right now!”

    “She brings up a good point, boy,” said Arsinoë. “You seem quite at ease in spite of things.”

    “Hmm…well, I guess, after everything I’ve been through, something like shame feels a bit pointless.”

    “Uwah. Is it normal to pity you after hearing that?”

    “Suit yourself.”

    “So I shall. Also, are you aware the naked little girl is still pressed against your back?”

    “I Gandr’d myself, so not really.”

    “Whoa! The boy is kinda hardcore!”

    It felt like there were two Berserkers in combat, as Mordred’s rough swordsmanship modified for unarmed strikes created a brutish, unorthodox assault. Arsinoë pulled back to provide mid-range support, covering Mordred with launched iron sand attacks and trying to create a gap for Nero to break in and unleash her Noble Phantasm. Naamah’s combat technique had never excelled; it was her uncanny reflexes, superior endurance and unceasing repertoire of flame attacks that kept her in the fight. Even if she could spam Tophet Gehenna, she did not want to, and thus sought the ideal moment to deliver the decisive blow. But it was clear to the Master and to Anna that their movements were slower, more sluggish. They had already lost track of time, and not even Naamah’s demonic endurance was unlimited, especially under the duress of sustained combat against four other Servants.

    “Such…meaningless…struggle!” Naamah howled as she unleashed a wave of flames to interrupt the enemy assault. It didn’t work; they just leapt over it. “If this is the best you can do, how can hope to—aaah, get lost!”

    Mordred managed to protect her face from the explosion with her crossed arms, taunting Avenger with her naked smirk.

    “Keep blabberin’ like that and you’ll bite your tongue!”

    Avenger was busy dodging Nero’s textbook attacks while serpents of flame held Arsinoë at bay.

    “Pointless…! At this level, all your efforts are pointless!”

    “They are not!” shouted Nero, and the brightest smile filled her face upon realizing her Master had spoken the same words. “Listen to our clamor, demon princess: we do not fear your husband!”

    “Do not!” Tall flames surged around Avenger, echoing the awakened rage palpable in her words. “Do not call that thing my husband!”

    For the first time in the entire battle, Avenger took to the offensive, lunging at a suddenly quite uncomfortable Nero with a savage succession of flame lashes, flame swords and flame punches.

    “The man I feel in love with was an ordinary human being! A humble cook in my father’s court! A simple, mundane man, who did his very best every day! A man hopelessly in love with life, despite having nothing and having lost everything!”

    Arsinoë and Mordred hurried over to support their teammate, both well aware that this was Naamah’s last mistake, and her last outburst before she either ran out of steam or incinerated them all with her second Noble Phantasm. “This is it!” was the common thought in their heads.

    “Um, bro-brother…? Um, I think she is referring to the tale of Solomon and Naamah in the aggadah. Solomon was forced to live several years as an ordinary, powerless human when the demon Asmodeus tricked him into taking off his ring—awawawawah…hauu…”

    While Anna was rewarded with head pats, the Master focused his eyes on the dizzying display of high-speed combat his Servants were showing. It was like all of them had caught their second wind at the same time. Naamah’s from disappeared within an unrelenting barrage of flame attacks, all the while Mordred and the others danced like dervishes around the firestorm.

    “That unremarkable, hardworking man…his was the most beautiful soul! He was the man I loved! Not that thing! I hate that thing!”

    A burst of flames in all directions pushed the three Servant away. More and more fires danced around her. Her lustrous black headdress reflected the unhallowed light of the grudge flame, becoming an ever deeper black.

    “Your time is over, people of Chaldea. You fail—ugh!”

    Everybody heard the distinct sound of a magic missile impacting flesh, yet nobody saw that attack coming.

    Exactly as intended.

    For it was, after all, five Servants that stepped into that room to fight Naamah. One of them simply had stood aside, doing nothing and saying nothing; becoming utterly nondescript and so thoroughly nonthreatening that she disappeared from everybody’s awareness.

    “Damn it, Mata Ha—gah!”

    Once the first attack was made, once the veil of stealth was thrown away, there was no choice but to keep attacking. Incessantly, without holding a single unit of energy back; that was the only tactic available to the weakest of Assassins.

    “You! Are! A! Pest! Ugh!”

    Naamah released a wave of flames. Mata Hari did not dodge; dodging meant giving the opponent an instant she could not afford to give. After all, Naamah was faster. So, she threw her naked body into the flames, never ceasing her chain of attacks.

    “Mata Hariiiiii—!”

    A barrage of attacks to make up for the lack of offensive power. Without room for counters, without room for movement, without room for breathing. The simplest and yet the pinnacle of all-or-nothing strategies.

    “Stop it alrea—aaghk!”

    With everything she had—her life, her weakness, her love—, those feeble hands reached Avenger’s torso and blew her away with one last, point-blank blast. Then the Assassin fell on the ground, unmoving.

    Naamah struggled to her feet, having suffered yet endured the death of a thousand paper cuts. It was the first time she had been knocked down, and it was a sufficient blow to bring her tiredness to the forefront of her thoughts. Her body wanted to stay down—what pulled her upwards was a deep emotion.

    But Mata Hari had acted to conclude the battle, and conclude it did, at the hands of a pristine white sword.

    “It is over, Miss Avenger.”

    “Yes, I am rather tired, fair emperor.”

    The young Master had moved to assist the fallen Assassin and, at her request, helped her get back on her feet.

    “Master.”

    “Hmm?”

    “The hardest part of this battle was holding myself from hurrying to your side.”

    “…I was also struggling to keep you out of my thoughts, Mata Hari. Especially when the clothes went away. Let’s go.”

    They moved slowly, carefully, even if the space around them creaked ominously upon the demoness’ defeat.

    “My, ufufu. Next time I am to show you my naked body, let us hope for a more romantic occasion. May I suggest the privacy of your room?”

    “Mata Hari, I pride myself on my ability to keep my focus. Please don’t threaten that pride by putting thoughts in my head.”

    Another giggle.

    “Yes, I was feeling somewhat affronted by your lack of physical reaction to my nudity.”

    “Gandr.”

    “Oh my…wait, aren’t magic circuits also inherited?”

    “I suspect her Noble Phantasm cannot negate metaphysical organs. Mordred could still use her Prana Burst.”

    “Fair enough.”

    They eventually surrounded the struck down Avenger, who respect placidly on the hard ground.

    “I like boys and girls that do their best. Well done, people of Chaldea. I am defeated. What I still don’t get is how you can use magecraft, Mata Hari.”

    “I am a spy, Miss Avenger. With all due respect, you know nothing about me.”

    “I know that’s not your true appearance, you closet flatch—ow!”

    Mata Hari acted as if she had not just fired arcane blasts are the prone Avenger.

    “My, were you saying something, Miss Avenger? Ufufufufu.”

    Some questions are better left unasked.

    “Um, so, do we get to take off her helmet now?” Mordred posited.

    “Uh, no, if she’s really the demon Naamah, that’s still a terrible idea.”

    “The pharaoh speaks wisdom, Knight of Treachery.”

    “Avenger.”

    Her covered head moved to address the young Master.

    “The man behind the singularities…is he really…?”

    Avenger took a moment to answer. He could imagine her blinking slowly inside the headdress.

    “The man I married gave everything of himself to his people, to the point that he was not allowed a human’s life. As the holder of all wisdom, the people of Israel placed all their burdens and problems on him; they decided they no longer needed to think by themselves if their king possessed all the answers. But he nevertheless loved them and took care of them, at the cost of his very self.”

    She shook her head.

    “That man could have never become that thing. But there is no doubt that the figure you met in London was unmistakably Solomon.”

    “But that doesn’t make—”

    The young man silenced Mordred with a gesture. In spite of everything, he trusted Avenger, so he would accept those words. It was his job to make sense out of them.

    The golden grail appeared amidst the group, hovering over Naamah’s prone form.

    “I was to be in charge of the Jerusalem singularity, spreading discord and immorality throughout the Holy War. I just took it and ran away; now it is yours. Take it and leave quickly. It is a matter of time until Solomon’s demons are drawn to this place.”

    “Ah.”

    With the end of Avenger’s defiance, those summoned through that grail were no longer needed.

    “Brother…Anna has to go now.” The little Rider bowed elegantly, seemingly uncaring of her nudity as she slowly became golden particles. “Thank you for being a kind big brother. I am a very weak Servant, but I feel I could do my best if you are watching over me.”

    “Hmm…yeah, looks like this is it, huh. Well, whatever, it was amusing enough. Good fight, everyone. And you, boy! Looks like all sorts of fun stuff’s going on at your place, so you better summon me! In fact, go ahead and summon my little brother as well. We’ll show you we make a hell of a team!”

    “Let’s make a proper Bond next time, Brother! It feels really good, so look forward to it!”

    “Send my regards to Cleopatra! She has sort of a weird mindset, but she tries her best in her own way, so don’t bully her too much!”

    The Master claimed the floating grail once they were gone. He shared glances and nods with his companions, all of them tired, dirty and looking forward to a good rest.

    That was when a new voice filled the air around them.

    “Senpai! Senpai, you‘re there, right?”

    “Mashu?”

    “Yes! It’s your kouhai, Mashu. Doctor, it’s senpai!”

    “Alright, then ask that senpai of yours how in heaven he ended up outside the time axis!”

    “Oi, lad.”

    The young man felt his head being compelled to look down by the deep inflection of Avenger’s voice.

    “That pitiful voice suggesting a man without the slightest idea of how to please a woman. Who does it belong to?”

    “I get roasted right away!?”

    “Mordred is laughing, Doctor.”

    “Well you’re welcome! How is that fair!? I don’t deserve to be suddenly insulted by a stranger with a sweet voice!”

    “I don’t need to look at your face to know you deserve every single word and worse, you insensate chicken. I take back my words, lad: your achievements are commendable if that is what you have to rely on.”

    “Aah, whatever! Wherever you are, it’s very unstable so get out of there, quickly!”

    “The boorish man speaks wisdom. Let it not be said I do not give credit when due.”

    “Your new friend is the worst!”

    Mordred managed to cease her uproarious laughter to voice her thoughts.

    “Doctor Roman, you’re kind of amazing, getting along so quickly with Solomon’s wife!”

    “Geh.”

    “Indeed,” retorted the masked woman.

    “Senpai, Dr. Roman’s gone awfully pale! And Miss Da Vinci won’t stop laughing!”

    The young Master decided this was as good a time to depart as any. With a gesture, he led his Servants to the nearby portal.

    “So that’s the answer you reached…you could have just told me, idiot.”

    The Master didn’t quite catch the black woman’s murmurs.

    “Avenger?”

    “Brave lad, you may summon me if it pleases you.”

    “Huh?” He was somewhat glad he was not the only one who made that lame sound.

    “If you still insist on opposing the King of Demon Gods, allow me to join you. We both…what is the expression…have a bone to pick? With that thing, yes.”

    “If I summon you, can I get infinite hearts?”

    “Farm your hearts properly, you lazy piece of shit brat.”

    “Tch.”

    “And don’t click your tongue, it’s unbecoming.”

    ************************************************////////************************************************

    That night, the Master of Chaldea did not sleep alone.

    He was not particularly tense; there was not really that kind of atmosphere, even if his back was being smothered by the warmth and softness of Mata Hari’s pleasant body. If anything, she had reminded him of a child after a bad dream.

    Was there any point in talking about their experiences? In asking her what she had thought and felt in the time they were apart? Was there any point in asking that question?

    He would not even bother looking for answers. There was only one thing he wished to say.

    “Mata Hari.”

    “Hmm?”

    “Thank you for your hard work. And welcome home.”

    Nothing more was said; he was tactful enough not to comment on the cold wetness on the back of his shoulder. He just let himself be used as a body pillow for a night.

    Or his many duties as a Master, this was far from the least comfortable.

    Towards the Epilogue – Rising Sun
    Base Stats & Skills

    Naamah (Alter)
    Faceclaim

    Source: Art by Sandra Duchiewicz


    Class: Avenger
    Alignment: Lawful Evil
    Gender: Female
    Source: Biblical
    Region: Levant

    Height & Weight: 163 cm, 54 kg
    Likes: Hard-working people
    Dislikes: Lazy people, procrastinators, weak-minded cowards
    Talents: Making people listen to her
    Natural Enemy: Romani Archaman
    Attribute: Earth

    STR E
    END C
    AGI B
    MGI B+
    LUK E
    Noble Phantasm EX


    Class Skills
    Avenger – B
    Represents the state of an Avenger as one that gathers people’s hatreds and grudges onto oneself. It is easier for one to accumulate loathing and resentment. When receiving damage, mana generation is increased.

    While she carries nothing but a small personal grudge projected onto an imagined one, she is indeed the recipient—and the embodiment—of the resentment of the entire Jewish ethnoreligious group. Thus, she receives a suitably high rank in this Skill.


    Oblivion Correction – E
    People are creatures that forget many things, but an Avenger never forgets. The critical effect of Avengers who attack from beyond oblivion is strengthened.

    It is hard to describe Naamah as “resentful towards humanity”. Her feelings are closer to pity or mere annoyance mixed with curiosity and a wish to make them tick. In fact, Naamah is probably incapable of hating humans. Therefore, her rank is the lowest possible.


    Self-Replenishment (Mana) – C+
    Magical energy endlessly gushes forth until revenge is taken. Recovers a minuscule amount of magical energy every turn.
    The grudge draws further into her demonic body and enhances her capability to generate magical energy. It seems to receive a significant boost if Solomon has also manifested as a Servant. It kind of annoys her.


    Personal Skills
    Blood of Sodom and Gomorrah – A
    Originally named Ancestral Brand of Incest.

    An ultra-rare variant of Condemned Brand of Incest, possessed by Servants whose brand of sin comes not from the Servant herself, but from an incestuous origin for an entire race, nation or ethnic group. In other words, the brand of belonging to a race born in sin and living in sin. In Naamah’s case, it relates to the origin tale of her nation as narrated in the Bible. After the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah, the daughters of Lot had sexual relations with their father, resulting in Ammon and Moab, the original ancestors of the Ammonites and Moabites, respectively.

    Naamah Alter is one who has fully embraced all curses and all scorn and. Therefore, this Skill replaces the original’s Innocent Monster. It grants her major combat bonuses against male Servants with an evil alignment (attack, damage, critical rate), and equally major social bonuses against male Servants with a good alignment (they get along with her, listen to her words and do not see her as a threat unless she acts violently). Unfortunately for her, the definitions of “good” and “evil” males do not follow her idiosyncrasies, but are instead hardcoded into the Saint Graphs, so she has no control over what effect she enjoys at any given time.


    Inheritance of the Mother of Witches – EX
    The Skill that embodies High Servant Naamah’s nature as a Lilith-class demon. Replaces the original’s Divinity and Goetia Skills. As Demon Princess Naamah, she possesses the perfect, succubus-like body, made to inflame the lusts of mankind. Her entire body is a weapon of seduction, and catching even the slightest glimpse of her bare skin produces an effect comparable to the Mystic Eyes of Charm that is extremely difficult to resist, and grows even stronger the more of her body the victim sees. Age, gender and sexual orientation are irrelevant against this supreme demonic power.

    Naamah’s body altered by the amalgamation with the daughter of Cain further grants her the Witchcraft Skill at rank EX—which includes high-class demon summoning—, and all of a succubus’ attributes: regeneration; dream manipulation; superior senses, reflexes, agility and flexibility; distillation of semen as a form of replenishment; etcetera. As a demerit, however, the original Naamah’s EX-rank LUK has been dropped to rank E.


    Song of Songs (False) – A+
    Replaces the original’s Song of Songs (True).

    While the name is a clear reference to her aspect as the Bride of Solomon, this Skill is in fact based from her aspect as Naamah, Wife of Noah (therefore, ‘false’), the seventh-generation descendant of either Cain or Seth, depending on the source. It is the exaltation of her voice, renowned for its great beauty, with which she sang pleasant songs in worship of false gods, according to the Midrash Rabbah.

    It is fundamentally the ability to disguise one’s dark intent through the use of one’s singing voice. At this rank, even if she sings only profanities, those who listen will only pay attention to the beautiful voice of the singer. It can even be used as a form of Presence Concealment, disguising the use of her Naamah Yafé and making it almost impossible to tell she is the source of the interference effect. It can further be used to make the invocation of her other two Noble Phantasms nigh-undetectable, until the moment the true name is pronounced. Magic Resistance at rank A or higher is needed to see (hear) through this Skill.
    Legend & Character
    Legend
    High Servant Naamah is a composite Servant who amalgamates three legendary figures who happen to share the same name.

    Naamah, the King of Magic’s Queen, first among Solomon’s wives, mother of Rehoboam and by extension direct ancestor of the Christ. Among Solomon’s many partners, the only one who was explicitly named in the Bible, countless conjectures about the Queen of Sheba’s name aside. It is very likely she is also the female bride in the Song of Songs. While the Bible only makes reference to her name and the child she gave birth to, Naamah’s story is expanded in Islamic folklore and in the aggadah—the Jewish traditional stories which have grown up surrounding the Biblical narrative, scattered through a number of sources such as the Talmud and the midrash.

    Naamah, daughter of Lamech and sister of Tubal-Cain. According to the Genesis Rabba midrash, she was also the wife of Noah. A woman with the loveliest voice, which she used to sing beautiful songs in adoration of false gods.

    Naamah, the “mother of witches” described in the Zohar; the corrupter of angels. According to the text, she was the daughter of Cain, the most beautiful woman in the world, for she did not inherit her father’s sin by virtue of being female. However, her infinite beauty was such that it drove the holiest towards sin.

    Going over their three separate stories would take too many pages, so the focus must be placed on their common element, which act as the foundation for her existence as an Avenger. Rather than an existence empowered by a personal grudge turned into power, High Servant Naamah is construct made from the grudge and scorn of generations of faithful of all Abrahamic religions. All three female figures are much maligned for their shared attribute of “corruptors of the virtuous”. Naamah pulled Semyaza and Azrael into immorality; Naamah led the people into idolatry, thus eliciting the Great Flood; Naamah tainted Solomon’s wisdom in his later years and turned him away from the Lord. Their amalgam, High Servant Naamah, is the embodiment of peaceful corruption, the ultimate siren whose sweet words and voluptuous charm pulls people towards perdition. She is a symbol of idolatry, a whore of false gods. Or at least, this is what tradition has turned her into.


    Character
    She who is threefold, has let a single identity define her. Perhaps it has to do with the circumstances of her summoning, or those of the era in which she has been summoned. Perhaps the Demon Princess decided it would be more amusing that way. She carries herself as a truly ancient being and a top-class demon, but the history which defines her is that of Solomon’s wife.

    High Servant Naamah has chosen to bear the sins she has been burdened with, for they are the foundation of her immense power. She has accepted the identity given to her by millennia of mystical and folkloric tradition, because it is useful to her. She wants and needs power, so she will embrace her status as a top-class demon for the sake of her wish: a world in which a figure like the King of Magic is not needed.

    She, who saw and grieved over the kind of being Solomon had to become—the flawless, almighty king of wisdom—rejects those who will not seize the reins of their own fate. Those who bumble and stumble through life, hoping for answers and happiness to drop on their laps. Those who believe themselves entitled to all good things, yet do nothing to reach for their desired joys. Those who believe themselves lacking and waste their talent away while stepping aside for those they believe to be worthier. Those without motivation, those without drive, those without ambition, those without dreams, those without purpose, those without a sense of duty, those without curiosity; those are to become fuel for her black flame, because it is the burdens that they were not willing to bear, that her beloved had to endure. So that they could live peaceful lives, her beloved was not allowed to live as a human. If the worthless sheep had not needed a shepherd, Solomon would have been able to live as himself.

    Even if she is an Alter, the foundation is the same woman immersed in her love. She curses humans for their worthlessness, but nonetheless loves them because he loved them as well. She sets them aflame and subjects them to harsh trials, but also nurtures them with her wisdom and consoles them when they are tired.

    It is easy to get along with Naamah:

    Never ask her to show you her true appearance—there is only one man worthy in her eyes.

    Never speak ill of that man, for only she knows and understands his trials, and thus she is the only one entitled to criticize him.

    And most importantly: work hard, with a strong purpose, and she will support you and cherish you every step of the way.
    Noble Phantasms
    Naamah Yafé
    The Lovely Whisper that Beckons Towards Sin

    Rank: B+
    Type: Anti-Army
    Range: 1
    Maximum Targets: 50 people

    According to the Jewish tradition, it was Naamah the Ammonite and the other wives and concubines who tainted Solomon’s virtuous mind with their pagan beliefs in his later years. If the Song of Songs is to be accepted as truth, and Naamah is indeed Solomon’s partner in the Song of Songs, then it is easy to believe she had ready access to the wise king’s ear. This Noble Phantasm also relates to the legend of Naamah the sister of Tubal-Cain, whose pleasing voice reached the ears of even demons and false gods.

    If Mata Hari uses a bewitching dance, Naamah needs only her voice to sway the actions and thoughts of others. It is not a Charm effect; it isn’t even mental interference. Naamah’s technique is basic physical interference: her voice reaches first and foremost to the flesh itself, making it produce the substances and manifest the symptoms the mind then interprets as a specific emotion. For example, if Naamah tells you “the heat is getting to you”, then you will immediately begin to sweat and feel dizzy, which will lead you to the conclusion that she’s absolutely right, even if it’s 20 degrees out there. The effect’s duration varies according to the degree of divergence with the truth—in our example, it will probably cease the moment Naamah is out of sight.

    This Noble Phantasm becomes particularly effective when used in conjunction with her Song of Songs (False) Skill, as it makes it even harder to notice she is using a supernatural ability, and therefore facilitates its repeated use on the same individuals.


    Tophet Gehenna
    Fools All of Ye, Becomen Holocausts for the Perpetual Flame

    Rank: A++
    Type: Anti-Humanity
    Range: 1-30
    Maximum Targets: 250 people

    The flames of the patron god of the Ammonites, Malkam, bearing the curse of Avenger’s scorn towards humankind…not really. It is in principle boringly similar to the black maiden of Orléans: rather than a manifestation of her personal grudge, it is the coalescence and evocation of the grudge placed upon her by over two thousand years of Abrahamic tradition. It is the men and women of faith who have labelled her a sinner, a heathen, a worshipper of false gods and a corrupter. She has accepted their accusations, their curses and their grudges, for she understands their petty labels merely reflect their weakness—if even the likes of Solomon can fall, then nobody can blame them for being lacking, right? However, at the same time, it is the vile flame of the god welcoming human sacrifices, to which many families offered their newborn children. It is a baneful flame, hungry for human flesh and fat.

    Primarily, this Noble Phantasm acts as Naamah’s primary weapon, allowing her to strike with bolts, whips, swathes and walls of dark flames. Invoking the Noble Phantasm’s full name unleashes a tsunami of black fire that spreads like water to engulf everything it can. It flows around corners and through small crevices and gaps as if possessing a will of its own, devoted entirely to consuming human beings. Naturally, it deals extra damage to creatures with the “Man” attribute.

    There two other important details concerning this Noble Phantasm. Firstly, it grows in power the greater opposition it meets. Using another Noble Phantasm, offensive or defensive, is a terrible idea, unless it’s some highly destructive anti-world or anti-evil technique. Dodging is generally the better tactic. Secondly, this Noble Phantasm, in its true form, costs excessive amounts of magical energy to invoke and sustain, until it claims a life. Each life the flames devour becomes sustenance for the next iteration of the technique—in other words, the next casting becomes “cheaper” if the previous one manages to kill an enemy. This special super-attack is a trump card in every meaning.


    Sigillum Salomonis
    The Time of Hardship Has Come, She Is The One Who Rejects All

    Rank: EX
    Type: Anti-Humanity (Reality Marble)
    Range: 1-99
    Maximum Targets: 1000 people

    The ultimatum of the scornful wife, commanding humans to take the reins of the own existences. Those who take from others, those who expect others to do the hard work, those who never earned anything with their own two hands...to the lazy, the entitled and the procrastinator—inside her Reality Marble, their only thing they will grasp will be their own worthlessness.

    The manifestation of Naamah Alter’s soul is the fiery Gehenna were humans are mercilessly judged. The valley where even hope is devoured by the ever-burning flame. Naamah’s soul rejects those who never earned the things they possess, and takes the idea to its utter extreme. Within the Reality Marble, all abilities whose owners did not learn through study and training are disabled, and all possessions whose owners did not craft with their own two hands are destroyed. Skills fail to work, Noble Phantasms with a physical form disappear—unless it was truly yours from its conception, you will not be able to grasp it within Avenger’s valley of merciless judgment.

    There are, of course, limitations. Not even this Reality Marble can separate the strongest holy sword from its right owner, nor can it block the King’s access to his vast treasury, but this might not quite be a mark of those Servants’ individual power, but rather the respect Naamah feels towards them. The one major limitation is how unbelievably taxing it is for Avenger to deploy this Noble Phantasm. Unlike Tophet Gehenna, which may become easier to use the more it is unleashed, Sigillum Salomonis is too powerful to be used more than once per battle. This might reflect their distinct foundations, and the fact that, unlike the countless grudges of an entire civilization which fuel the black flames of Gehenna, Naamah Alter’s own personal grudge is not nearly that vicious or mind-consuming.
    Epilogue – Rising Sun
    They found her outside. A part of them was somewhat unhappy she had gone ahead of them, but if anybody deserved the privilege of being the first to step out of Chaldea, it was her.

    “Lady Avenger.” A reborn Mashu Kyrielite called to the woman, now twice-widowed.

    “it is truly a beautiful world,” said the lady in deep black. With her back turned to the pair, she calmly waited for the sun to rise. “One worth fighting for. One worth giving everything for.”

    “He asked for my permission, just so you know. I think he was afraid Ars Nova would have consequences beyond the intended. After all, if Solomon’s history disappeared, shouldn’t his wife’s disappear as well?”

    “I…can still use my magecraft,” confirmed the Master.

    “And the Christ is still the foundation of a number of religions,” completed Naamah. “The World has a way to fill in the gaps. Even if he has left this world, I am still here.”

    “Then, the Doctor is really…”

    “I do not know. He truly intended to disappear for good, but my husband had a habit of failing even when he succeeded. Perhaps the reason I am still here is because his plan did not work out quite as intended, after all. In any case, please close your eyes, Master, Lady Mashu.”

    She did not wait to take off her helmet, and at that point they indeed closed their eyes, for she had become a sun in front of them. The most beautiful, long black hair seized the light of the rising sun to glimmer with a magical luster. Even with her back to them, the mere visage of the back of her neck was blindingly enthralling.

    A chilling wind blew, and they used it as an excuse to move some steps away from the demonic beauty, their eyes tightly shut.

    “That man fought and died for your sake. He opposed Goetia so that you two could have a chance to defeat it, to live, to gaze upon this world. And I will stay here, to protect that; his final wish.”

    They were sure he was smiling, and just as sure the mere glimpse of that smile would turn them into monsters of lust. It was truly a shame nobody would ever gaze upon that smile ever again.

    “He entrusted you to me, just like I was entrusted to you. Please take good care of me from now on, dear Master, fair Lady Mashu. My wonderful children, whom he so dearly loved.”

    THE END


    Tovat Naamah
    Antidiluvian Black Hull

    Rank: A++
    Type: Barrier
    Range: 0
    Maximum Targets: Self

    Naamah’s headdress and her fourth Noble Phantasm. A horned helmet made of wood from Noah’s Ark. The black color is in fact resin.

    Built from the vessel that withstood the Great Flood, it possesses tremendous defensive power. The Lord’s protection has not faltered. In fact, it could be said the Lord does not wish for Naamah’s face to be shown to the world, and therefore its powerful protection is sustained. It is almighty in its simple application: the helmet is nigh indestructible and cannot be removed by force. Only the one who wears it can take it off, and she can never be compelled to do so against her will. It would take a planetary-class destructive power to shatter this primordial artifact.

    Needless to say, the helmet does render Naamah completely blind. She relies on the enhanced senses of a demon and magic detection to guide herself.

    ...did I just complete a fanfic?
    Last edited by Daneel Rush; August 27th, 2017 at 02:02 PM.

  3. #4703
    Totally not Eldritch WhatShouldNotBe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Theoneandonlyz View Post
    Another way you can approach Erlang's NPs is to remove his Three Pointed Spear NP entirely and fold the final ground splitting effect into his Illustrious Sage of Heaven and Earth NP.

    Let Erlang split earth and shatter mountains (anti-fortress, anti-terrain) for the Earth part of his title and steel himself against assault then strike nine times really hard, really far away (anti-unit, anti-divine) for the Heaven part of his title. Since he performed both feats in a single engagement it would allow for them to crystallize together into a single divine mystery.

    While this build cuts away a bit of his legend as a suppressor of rogue dragons and demons...he's still a potentially A+ strength / A+ agility angry beat stick (factoring in 72 Transformations if you keep or increase it).
    Then he wouldn't even really be a Lancer. I'm more going to remove the Anti-Demon and Anti-Divine bits of the thing and only have the suppressing of Dragons ability, while adding bonuses against demons and divine.

    and then I'm going to move the Anti-Divine portion of it and put it in the Heaven and Earth Np, as you suggested.

  4. #4704
    So Many Ideas, So Little Time SleepMode's Avatar
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    (As usual, if there's any problems/Overwankedness on the Servant Profile, feel free to point it out and recommend ways to correct it.)


    “Oh? Greetings, I suppose that you are my Master - I, Servant of the Assassin Class will be at your disposal. If you want, you may call me… Danjo.”

    Appearance:
    http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/...20150311040455
    Spoiler:

    Tsuchigumo Form (the one on the right): http://orig02.deviantart.net/34b7/f/...in-d8jzbio.jpg


    Servant Class: Assassin

    True Name: Matsunaga Hisahide, also known as “Danjo”

    Place of Origin: Japan

    Alignment: Chaotic Evil

    Attribute: Man

    Alternate Classes: Berserker, Avenger(Alter)

    Armaments: A broken Tachi, along with numerous dynamites sticks and bombs.

    Catalyst: Fragments of the Hiragumo Teapot

    Likes: Tea ceremonies, Miyoshi Chokei, New things

    Dislikes: Tradition, Anything “boring”, Working for someone

    Talents: Any use of gunpowder, Manipulation, Tea-making

    Natural Enemy: “That Oda Brat”

    Parameters (Tsuchigumo form stats in parentheses)

    Strength - C (A)
    Endurance - E (C)
    Agility - C (A)
    Mana - D (B)
    Luck - D (D)
    N.
    Phantasm - B (B)

    Background:
    Spoiler:

    Matsunaga Hisahide, the Villain of the Sengoku Era, was one of the daimyos of Japan of the 16th Century. A man of both cunning and devious nature, he managed to commit many vile deeds; the murder of his lord, killing the Shogun, and burning of a Great Buddha statue was the greatest sin of them all. Although his numerous attempts on betraying Oda Nobunaga and eventual climactic suicide in 1577 became the stuff of Edo dramas, his villainous reputation lives on to this day. One could even call him an "Antagonist" of sorts.

    However, the term 'Antagonist' can also mean "The one who initiates change."

    Born in 1510, Hisahide was a optimistic childhood friend of Miyoshi Chokei. With a desire to change the world, he assisted Chokei in his rise to power as a retainer until 1550. During those times, Hisahide acted as spokesperson and governor for Chokei while keeping in touch with the Shogun Ashikaga Yoshiteru. Eventually, he conquered the Yamato and was declared daimyo of said province. Seeing the traditionalist society as a stagnating system, Hisahide believed if he were to change Japan for the better, he would need more military and political power.

    Even as he climbed up the ladder of power, Hisahide never looked back; but as years of political intrigue and complications went past, the experience eventually twisted his once pure motives into a drive to change Japan, with whatever methods necessary. The point of no return was when Hisahide killed off most of the Miyoshi clan, including his friend Chokei. The reason? To inherit the lands that his friend possessed and to use said friend’s son as a bargaining chip. Even with the blood of thousands on his hands, Hisahide always looked forward.

    Hisahide didn't just stop there; Using the Myoshi Triumvirate, he managed to surround and pressure the Shogun into battle, but killed him with a well-placed explosive. Upon the death of the Shogun, Hisahide broke allegiances and fought against the Triumvirate. The series of battles went nowhere, and within the battlefield did Hisahide commit his third Great Sin: the burning of Toudaiji Temple’s Great Buddha statue.

    In 1568, after being cornered by the Demon King Oda Nobunaga, Hisahide was forced to her service. As a “gift of gratitude,” he gifted Nobunaga the Tsukumogami, one of his prized teapots. But as soon as he gave the Demon King the gift, Hisahide already plotted ways to undermine her. Throughout his “service” to Nobunaga, Hisahide collaborated with numerous other individuals to attempt to kill her. Unfortunately, all of his attempts failed spectacularly; while all of his plans failed, Hisahide was somehow always the one left alive. Thus the daimyo slowly became the laughingstock of Oda’s army.

    With each humiliating defeat, Hisahide became increasingly infuriated. He was the one who will change this land. Him and only him!

    Unwilling to let this stand, Hisahide launched a coup for the last time in the Battle of Shigi Castle. Surrounded from all sides once more, Nobunaga promised that she would spare him one more time - if only he would give up his precious teapot Hiragumo. Unwilling to be shamed anymore, the wicked daimyo smashed his teapot before killing himself by detonating the explosives around his chambers. There was no trace of his body after the explosion, but his deeds and last moments created a lasting impact in Japanese history.


    Personal Traits:
    Spoiler:

    Hisahide was many things during his life, however, if there was one word that can summarize him, it is the word “Scumbag.” Pragmatic and cunning, the daimyo will use any underhanded means to obtain victory, and will even stoop to using innocents as meat shields/carriers of his Trap Spinners if necessary. And if it were to further his own goals, anything between him and said goals are mere stepping stones to him. And that's not counting his tendencies of betraying his Masters, either...

    Although he is certainly an evil man, Hisahide’s villainy can range in levels; varying from an sociopathic maniac to an laughable man-child. Even after death, most of his plans will still fail. And as if by the decree of the heavens, he would always be made into a laughingstock afterwards, much to his chagrin. Because of his failures, others usually compare him to an “Saturday Sitcom Villain”.

    Despite his incompetency and plotting demeanor, Hisahide favors progress; shedding the failing traditions and embracing new ideas. If his Master is an individual who favors the changing times, the chances of him betraying them decreases by a small margin; after all, he wants to be the one spearheading new developments. Even if he isn't aware of it, the desire to change the world remained dormant inside him to this day.

    True to history, Hisahide is both an appreciator of both tea and priceless works of antiquity. In fact, collecting such artifacts is his hobby, since items of such value are to be “Protected from the sands of time,” as he would say. Truthfully, he uses the collection as a incentive to surpass the "crumbled ages of old." While he does enjoy consuming tea, Hisahide loves the whole ceremony of making tea; the complex culture and the different variations of said ceremony fascinated him.

    Surprisingly, Hisahide isn’t interested in getting a wish; he just simply wanted to enjoy some wanton chaos that is the Grail War. But if he were to make one, it would be to undo his killing of his friend Chokei. Although he would never admit it, the guilt of killing his best friend still haunts him to this day. Sometimes he wondered what would have happened if he didn't kill him.
    However, he would usually dismiss the thought; for he promised to march forward, and never look back.

    (The man also doesn’t deny that he’s an reviled figure, in fact, he revels in it; it’s better to be remembered as a villain than be forgotten, right?)

    (If there is anything that would rile Hisahide up, it would be being looked down with pity. After all the betrayals and killings to get what he wanted, the last thing he wanted is to be seen like a starving beggar.)

    Craft Essences/Reactions:
    Spoiler:

    Hiragumo

    “How intriguing… After all this time, you would still keep me by your side, even when I tried to betray and kill you repeatedly?

    Very well, here: while it’s rare for me to even give gifts, consider this your highest honor.

    …What?

    Did you expect me to perform some sort of sentimental reminiscing? Should I go on and on about how your trust bring hope to my heart and such?

    Heheheheheh… Hahahahahahahhahahah- (cough)(cough)(cough)…(cough)…

    …Such words are paltry in comparison to the value of what you’re about to receive.

    This isn’t just any teapot, this is what I value about everything else. And the one thing I wouldn’t let anyone in the world pry it off of my cold, dead hands… Honestly, the fact I’m giving this to you is shocking even for me.

    …Oh well, at least this is an infinitely better alternative than giving the teapot to the Oda brat.

    If this is all, I shall be attending teatime with that “Black Bart” soon; He absolutely hates waiting for his guests.

    A word of advice: try not to break it. Shattering it once was bad enough already.”

    ---

    Web of Surprises(?) (Belated Return Gift, Valentine Event)

    You received this medium sized box wrapped in cloth from the stack of boxes in the middle of the cafeteria in Chaldea. Apparently there was one for every member here in the facility. There’s a note on the box:

    “Apparently this is the day where men should thank the women who had given them chocolates. (Honestly, who in their right mind would treat me with kindness?) As such, this gift serves as thanks for the chocolate you’ve given me a month ago.”

    -Danjo

    Once you opened the box in your room, you are greeted with the most intricate figure of a spider you’ve seen thus far; body and legs entwined with gold and silver, along with rubies and opal as eyes. It was stunning to see. You suddenly noticed another note attached to it:

    “P.S.: Try not to leave your room. The rest of the facility is about to receive a pleasant…surprise.”

    -Danjo

    As soon as you finish reading the note, you heard faint sounds of explosions down the hall, and the various voices of anger ranging from death threats to Hisahide and complaining about cocoa powder being all over the facility.

    …The next day, you see a heavily injured Hisahide in the halls, begrudgingly cleaning the facility alone.

    ---

    Reactions to other Servants:

    Oda Nobunaga: “…Hello, Nobunaga. Although you take form in your younger years, this doesn’t mean I wouldn’t hold back on my anger. You, who beaten me to the ground numerous times. You, who humiliated me in front of your army, and You, who try to take my precious Hiragumo away from me…! Just you wait, Brat, I will have my way soon.”

    Caesar: “Caesar, Caesar, Caesar; what strength, what charisma, what potential… to be stabbed 23 times by your most trusted senators. Within all seriousness, within your prosperous rule, what exactly made those unhappy men want to kill you? Honestly, did you expect your rule to be free from detractors?”

    Lu Bu: “Heh, a general who repeatedly betrayed his masters? Your record in backstabbing even made me look tame in comparison! Ooh? What’s that? Trying to say something? I can’t hear you over your horrible choice in women-“

    Mephistopheles: “Listen here, Tights; there’s only one that’s the true master of explosives here, and it’s going to be me and no one else. Oh, you request a battle in the sparring room? What a pathetic ruse- Hey! Where are you going!? Come back!”


    Skills:
    Spoiler:

    Class Skills:

    Presence Concealment - E - the capacity to hide one's presence as a Servant. Its ranking drops considerably when the Skill user prepares to attack their target.
    Hisahide almost never bother with stealth, and even if he did, it’s restricted to him sneaking around with below average skill. Instead, he relies on more… impressionable entrances. (see Explosive Surprise for more.)
    “Why expend effort on such a trivial idea when you have something far more impressive?”

    Personal Skills:

    Explosive Surprise - B - A Skill linking the Servant’s use of explosives. It allows the Servant to always gain the element of surprise when making his presence noticed by using explosives.
    Although he was no demolition expert, Hisahide is able to cleverly utilize explosives to give him an edge when making a dramatic appearance/surprise attacks.

    Nature of a Rebellious Spirit - B - The temperament to never remain at one location and never embrace a lord. A wandering star that does not have the capacity to be king nor is capable of finding their own king. Negates the effects of Charisma with the same rank.
    It’s no exaggeration to say that everyone expects Hisahide to betray someone at least once - his Master, his allies, or someone else entirely. The problem is that he is so unpredictable that they don’t know when is he going to do it.

    Familiars (Spiders) - B - Allows the use of spiders as familiars.
    With rank B, not only can they be directed by thoughts alone, these spiders can be given complex orders. Additionally, they can also serve as Hisahide’s eyes and ears.

    Eye for Antiques - C+ - An advanced form of Eye for Art, this Skill is related to infatuation with valuable or priceless artifacts and works of art.
    In life, not only was Hisahide a cunning manipulator and schemer, he was also a avid patron and collector of various precious antiques and other works of art. If he happens to see a Noble Phantasm that possesses artistic or historic anecdotes, there is a medium chance that he might be able to figure out its true name. A boost is received if the NP is of Japanese origins.


    Noble Phantasms:
    Spoiler:

    Woe Spinners - Villain’s Cursed Legacy - D-B - Anti-Unit -

    The Primary Noble Phantasm that Hisahide utilizes aside from his normal explosives. The NP is a manifestation and combination of his underhanded tendencies and his constant undermining of Oda Nobunaga. It takes form of numerous small spiders with the Matsunaga crest on their back. Otherwise, these moving traps just look like a smaller version of a common house spider.

    When they’re deployed, these Spinners will crawl towards their assigned location. When they arrive at a designated location, the Spinners can use their silk to spin one out of a variety of deadly traps; poison gases, spear traps, pitfalls, explosives, razor wires, etc. These traps take some time to prepare, ranging from a minute or two. While Servants are moderately hurt from activating the traps, it would be very much lethal for a human.

    Additionally, the Spinners can also have a limited attack function, as they can pursue designated targets. As they get within 8 cm of their targets, the Spinners can either explode into poison liquids or razor wires. To make sure the NP's can get closer to attack, Hisahide prefers to hide the Spinners among his spider familiars.

    The main gimmick of this NP isn’t the traps, but their increasing effectiveness. Should Hisahide use the traps on unfamiliar opponents, the qualities of the traps are low so he can gauge out their capabilities. Then, as the opponent progresses, the traps that the Spinners weave will not only become better in quality, but also tailored to take advantage of the targets’ weaknesses.

    Hisahide is allowed to deploy only a maximum of 9 Spinners into the field. If any of them are finished working/destroyed, he can recreate them 8 minutes later. These Trap Spinners aren’t controllable under the Familiars Skill, so they can only track down their targets by following the Od that evaporate their bodies. Because of this, if the target ceases to exhale or sweat, the Spinners will have no idea where to crawl. However, if anyone tries to crush them before they reach their target, the Spinners will detonate in an explosion.

    Tsuchigumo - Renegade Spider of the Warring Lands - A - Anti-Army -

    Being an manifestation of Hisahide’s villainous reputation after he died during the Battle of Shigi Castle, this Noble Phantasm conceptualizes his entire person being synonymous with spiders; or to be more specific, a Tsuchigumo. The word ‘Tsuchigumo’ can mean two things: one is associated with rebellious individuals that opposed the imperial throne, and the other is a giant spider-yokai abomination. Either way, both definitions fit Hisahide just fine.

    To activate the NP, Hisahide must conjure up the spiritual replica of the Hiragumo Teapot before he must break it with his own hands. Upon shattering the teapot, hundreds of shadowy spider-like apparitions will appear, wrapping Hisahide’s form in layers after layers of silk until a large cocoon sits in his place. Within less than 10 seconds, Hisahide will violently burst out of the cocoon, transformed into a Tsuchigumo.

    Within this form, not only will he gain the abilities of a spider the size of a truck, Hisahide will also be able to detect the presence of life - including Servants - at an radius of 3 miles. Additionally, Hisahide is now able to create minor illusions that can trick his victims if they have Magic Resistance of D and below. And for every living being Hisahide consumes, he can use their spiritual energy to either regenerate himself or to create more spider companions. This transformation lasts for only 3 hours.

    However, once the NP had been used, it cannot be used again for the rest of the Holy Grail War. Since this NP is a single-use only, it serves as Hisahide’s trump card. Not that he would even like to either, since he considers it a crime to break his priceless possession again. So unless the Master uses a Command Seal, it’s highly unlikely that Hisahide will ever use this NP.
    Last edited by SleepMode; February 27th, 2017 at 07:54 PM. Reason: Changed Double-Cross to Nature of a Rebellious Spirit

  5. #4705
    屍鬼 Ghoul
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    Create-a-Servant (MARK II


    -Title:
    Shooting Star Spirit
    -Other Qualifying Classes: Berserker, Lancer, Archer and Avenger
    -Gender: Male
    -Character Alignment: Neutral Evil
    -Origin: Kuninjku Lore (Australia)

    Parameters:
    -Strength: E - B+
    -Endurance: C - A
    -Agility: B - A+
    -Mana: D - B
    -Luck: C-
    -Noble Phantasm: E - B+

    Class Skills:
    -Presence Concealment (C): The capacity to hide one's presence as a Servant. At this rank the servant can conceal their presence and will always move silently, and inconspicuously with little chance of being seen.

    Personal Skills:
    -Disengage (B): Can evade combat by anyone with a lower Agility than him. Has a supernatural ability to escape any manner of mundane confinement.
    -Fearsome Mien (A): Assassin radiates a natural aura that inspires dread and trepidation in others.
    -Man Eating (B): A skill given to servants whose legends involve the consumption of people. Assassin can gain a large amount of prana from consuming the heart of a human being, even if that person has no prana or skill in magic of their own.
    -Crossing Arcadia (B): Can move while jumping over all kinds of obstacles on the field, including enemies.
    -Creature of the Night (EX): Only during nightly hours, does Assassin experiences a rise in stats.

    Noble Phantasm:
    -Unseen Horror From Beyond the Stars: Nocturnal Hunter of Souls
    *Type: Anti-Unit
    *Rank: C+

    During the hours between 6:00 p.m and 12 a.m, Assassin will gain the ability to whistle across the heavens as a shooting star. In this state, Assassin can steal a person’s soul by simply flying overhead and rush away across the sky with them. This Noble Phantasm is something of a “One-Hit Kill” due to the fact that it can bypass a target’s physical durability entirely and not just kills the victim, but steals their soul as well. The souls of a victim killed by Assassin will be absorbed into Assassin and added to the reserves of mana sustaining him in the mortal world.

    -Multi-Legendary Abomination: Monster of Many Forms
    *Type: Anti-Unit
    *Rank: E - B+

    Assassin can shapeshift into at least three different forms suited for certain situations with differing distributions of stats. Assassin’s first form is an six-eyed serpentine creature with an elongated body and chiropteran wings that allow for high-speed powered flight. Apart from being able to deliver a venomous bite, this form has no means of attack. The second form resembles a seven foot-tall, middle-aged lean man of Aboriginal appearance with shoulder-length unkempt hair and scythe-like claws for fingers. Assassin’s primary offensive weapon in this state is a miyarrul (fighting club) of stout wood studded with flint spikes or a set of bamboo spears and a woomera (spear-thrower) used for ranged combat.

    Though Assassin's favorite appears to be a gracile, quadrupedal form utilised for stealth and also possess a very keen sense of smell. It is reptilian and kangaroo-headed with a mouth packed full of needle-like teeth and sinewy limbs with long claw-like hands and feet. Spurs protrude from the elbows, somewhat like those of a flying fox with a pair of snake-like yellow eyes help Assassin to seek out his prey.

    True Name:
    Assassin’s identity is that of the Namorrodor, a man-eating monster hailing from Kuninjku lore of Australia’s Arnhem Land. A profane spirit sometimes called a 'bad angel' in Aboriginal English, the legend of the Namorrodor is handed down by grandparents through many generations. The presence of Namorrodor, a flying serpent is signaled by a shooting star in the night sky. Namorrodor lives in a cave and goes hunting at night for food. At dusk it begins moving in the cave, preparing to go out hunting.

    Meat must never be cooked at night, because Namorrodor smells it, meat attracts it to the camp. It hides in the bushes watching, moving closer by jumping from tree to tree. Namorrodor’s favourite prey is small babies, when it finds them it rips out their heart and takes it away. Babies that sleep in the bush always lie face down or sideways to protect their hearts. They are always well covered. When a shooting star is seen in the night sky, it signals to people that someone has died.

    It is said that the only person who can kill Namorrodor is a medicine man (or witchdoctor) who has as much strength as the spirit creature. This man can only kill Namorrodor at a certain time of the night, and with a spear, which has been shaped over a fire while certain words are sung. It is also said that when Namorrodor dies it makes a terrible scream.
    Last edited by Diablo Interceptor; February 25th, 2017 at 09:11 AM.

  6. #4706
    Well, that was thoroughly enjoyable.

    Quote Originally Posted by Daneel Rush View Post
    ...did I just complete a fanfic?
    Par for the subforum.

  7. #4707
    lordofvenom venomking's Avatar
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    Hey roydgolden about your Cain sheet it is well deffintetly better then mine, but it's not any problems with the sheet, but you could add more to the first dagger, I do like the idea of the requirement for the first dagger to show its true abilities, however I feel as technquelly speaking it would be the first phantasm to exist, or at least the first to kill it should posses some powerful passive abilities, although I know none of my sheets have been al that good, this is only a suggestion.

  8. #4708
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by venomking View Post
    Hey roydgolden about your Cain sheet it is well deffintetly better then mine, but it's not any problems with the sheet, but you could add more to the first dagger, I do like the idea of the requirement for the first dagger to show its true abilities, however I feel as technquelly speaking it would be the first phantasm to exist, or at least the first to kill it should posses some powerful passive abilities, although I know none of my sheets have been al that good, this is only a suggestion.
    Heh. Appreciate the suggestions, but I think Cain is as powerful as I want him to be already. I intended the dagger NP to be dangerous but highly situational, and overloading it with attributes isn't really in line with that. And even in biblical canon it wouldn't be the first NP strictly. That'd be Adam's stuff.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Also, don't feel jealous of my stuff. With a little time and effort, I'm sure you could get there too!

  9. #4709
    夜属 Nightkin
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    Quote Originally Posted by venomking View Post
    Hey roydgolden about your Cain sheet it is well deffintetly better then mine, but it's not any problems with the sheet, but you could add more to the first dagger, I do like the idea of the requirement for the first dagger to show its true abilities, however I feel as technquelly speaking it would be the first phantasm to exist, or at least the first to kill it should posses some powerful passive abilities, although I know none of my sheets have been al that good, this is only a suggestion.
    That sheet's emphasis was on Cain performing the first murder and NOT Cain using some magic dagger to shank his sister.

    There is a important difference between these two statements you know? The metaphysical weight is on Cain; through his skills, attitude, and curse(s). The dagger really isn't too important.

  10. #4710
    So Many Ideas, So Little Time SleepMode's Avatar
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    Namorrodor: Cool Servant! It kind of has this Predator-like feel with it, being a deadly hunter an all. The second NP is really cool, being able to have three subforms for different situations.

    In my opinion, however, the first NP can be a bit too strong, since most (correct me if I'm wrong) Holy Grail War activities take place during nighttime, and Assassin can somewhat sweep them all with no effort if this happens. Unless Assassin can only steal one to three souls every night, then its fine.

    Overall, I enjoyed looking over this Servant Profile; its uncommon to see a nonhuman Servant.

    (Given that its a Servant crafted through myth and tales, would it be a False Assassin?)
    Last edited by SleepMode; February 25th, 2017 at 02:34 PM.

  11. #4711
    Really likes the series, DaneelRush. The NP is a nice spin on a common Anti-NP NP concept. Looking forward to your future works!

  12. #4712
    lordofvenom venomking's Avatar
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    im wondering can i do alternate versions of servants who already exist on this forum?

  13. #4713
    Tranquilo, Japones, Tranquilo JetKinen's Avatar
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    Yes, sure

    Fate Grand/Order ID: 102947414/GreenBob
    JetKinen's tries very poorly to translate a brazilian book

  14. #4714
    So Many Ideas, So Little Time SleepMode's Avatar
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    Since I'm a fairly paranoid individual, I want to see if there's anything other people may find off about my recent Servant Profile. I'm worried that the Skills and NPs are "overwanked."

    Link to Servant Profile: http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread...=1#post2616886

  15. #4715
    It's All Good! 4score7years's Avatar
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    This was a very quick look, I might have missed something. Probably did.

    Maybe make it clearer what Double Cross does.

    Maybe add that he can hide the trap spiders among other normal familiars.

    For 1st NP, seems like a weird limitation for the trap spiders to not be able to detect life if they aren't moving, since his normal spiders can and his 2nd NP spider form can. Dunno.

    P cool in general though.

  16. #4716
    lordofvenom venomking's Avatar
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    True identity:Hercules.
    Class:savior.
    alignment:lawful good.

    Stats:
    strength
    A++
    agility
    A
    endurance
    A++
    luck
    B
    mana
    C


    Personal skills:
    bravery A class:
    this skill takes I the accumulation of his acts of bravery and turns them into a skill, making him immune to mind control and allows him to fight to the bitter end no matter the scenario.

    Eye of mind true(B+)
    this so the acummilation of saviors time in battle, and allows him to easily predict an opponents attacks, so long as there skill does not surprise his own.

    Likes: solitude, kindness, and food.
    Dislikes: to many people, hunger, meanness to others, and arrogance.

    Combat: he is the closest one can get a to true representation of Hercules, under this class he looses none of his abilities or Phantasms, he is a powerful warrior, and under the savior class can use all his ability in battle without be hindered by an specific type of combat, he can switch between archery, hand to hand combat, and swords man ship with ease.

    NPs:
    nemion Lions skin: EX
    it as an impervious pelt that Hercules gained during one of his twelve Labors, it's can be used as a sort of shield but only for 30 seconds, and an block any attack so long as it is not EX ranked but it will effectively turn and ex ranked attack into that of an A class attack, it also cannot block phantasm that reverse cause and effect. however once used Hercules cannot activate it again for a whole day.

    The hydra bow: A
    it is the bow he used to slay the hydra and can arrows shot from it are coated in the hydras blood, making each arrows shot have B class phantasmal poison. However the poison is resisted if the servant can pass an endurance check of A class.

    Gods hand:A++
    it gives him twelve lives for his twelve Labors, and blocks any attack that is lower then A class, and any weapon taht does slay him he becomes immune to.

    Gold horn of the cerynian hind, b class:he fashioned ten gold horns he took from the cerynian hind, it's effect is to call down the wraith of art miss whenever he blows it, as it tricks her into believing that his enemy is the one who captured the hind.

    the tusk of the erymanthian bore, A+
    its ability is to allow Hercules to summon the bore by using it's tusk as a catalyst to stampede his enemy, however the bore only remains on the earth for 2 min.
    Augeas, A class:
    alllows him to creat a river that traps him enemy and kills them but requires his enemy to Benoit only dirty, but also near a river or large sources of water for activation.

    Styphialian birds: B class. Allows him to summon the birds he killed during his sixth labour, however he cannot attack while this phantasm is active, these birds have b class claws that can block stacks from A class and higher Phantasms, and move with such speed that they can be said to be teleporting, and plus they can fly.

    The he fire of the Cretan bull, B+. He is able to use the fire that was breathe by the dream bull it is as hot as the flames of a dragon, and cannot burn out, it also has a magic effect of causing servants who dot ahve magic resistencia of resistance of B class, to go into such a state of rage that battling tactically and strategically is impossible for them.

    Horse of diomedes, c class. A horse that Hercules can ride, that is faster then any other horse, and increase its speed with the more flesh it eats, savior refuses to feed it anything other then corpses as he refuses to kill non servants.

    Queen Hippolyte's girdle: A class.
    while wearing it he can summon five Amazonian warriors to fight alongside him, however the girdle is extremely fragile, and if broken the Amazonian warriors will disappear.

    the cattle for Geryon, b class, sommune Geryon to atack the enemy servant.

    The golden apple, A class. Heals all of his wounds, but wit the the exchange of haveing to lift the entire earth for a whole minut.

    Ceryberus, A++, it is powerful beast summoned by Hercules, it will attack untell it can grab the enemy servant in jts mouth, and if the servants fails a magic reasitnce test of B+ class the servant is transported to the underworld were he or she is install killed.
    Last edited by venomking; February 26th, 2017 at 06:26 AM.

  17. #4717
    Totally not Eldritch WhatShouldNotBe's Avatar
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    Hercules doesn't qualify for savior, nor does he have class skills in this sheet. You need to work on that.

  18. #4718
    夜属 Nightkin
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    Quote Originally Posted by venomking View Post
    stuff
    So why does Heracles qualify for the Saver/Savior class?

    Don't answer that he fought a bunch of monsters. A absolute shit ton of mythical figures did that too.

    His labors were essentially for a selfish reason (personal redemption) and not enacting some grand salvation or paradigm shift for humanity.

    Also the one example of Saver we have has two Class Skills, Charisma and Counter Hero. Why doesn't Herc have them? Why doesn't Herc have Divinity?

    I won't ask you to learn English or grammar but at least make an effort to CAPITALIZE consistently and use spell check. Also the spelling of the Labors can be easily found online. Don't just randomly string together some letters and try to pass that off.

    Put some more effort into your NPs than "Oh he killed a thing and now he gets to summon that thing to fight for him!"

    If he is a Saver give him something that actually represents the class' concept.

    If you're going to give him a NP for each of his Labors don't then turn around and give him God Hand which represented the Twelve Labors as an whole. WTF?
    Last edited by Theoneandonlyz; February 26th, 2017 at 11:55 AM.

  19. #4719
    So Many Ideas, So Little Time SleepMode's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 4score7years View Post
    This was a very quick look, I might have missed something. Probably did.

    Maybe make it clearer what Double Cross does.

    Maybe add that he can hide the trap spiders among other normal familiars.

    For 1st NP, seems like a weird limitation for the trap spiders to not be able to detect life if they aren't moving, since his normal spiders can and his 2nd NP spider form can. Dunno.

    P cool in general though.

    Thanks for looking over the Profile, I've made the corrections you've mentioned.
    Last edited by SleepMode; February 26th, 2017 at 12:41 PM.

  20. #4720
    lordofvenom venomking's Avatar
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    I'll admit I have no justification for his being a savior, it's the only class I felt that he didn't loos anything in. But he still has gods hand precesly becuase his represents his twelve labours, my idea is that he looses nothing under this class, and my aurgument I was ganan make was that he was only under that class in name, and is only expected under it for kindest towards others or something like that's. And the reason he summons the beats is becuase he ether killed or captured those beats, and I couldn't make a sensible abilty without him being able to summon those beasts.

    - - - Updated - - -

    If there is any other class more fitting for my idea I will replace it. But I felt that creating a whole new class would be like breaking some unspoken rule, cause if not I was gana creat true servant class. We're that servant has all the phanatasm said they would posses under each of the seven classes. But the exchange being they have no class skills, so they wouldn't have presence concealment, tertiary creation, presence detection, mana resistance, Praha burst, and independent action, and mad enhancement.
    Last edited by venomking; February 26th, 2017 at 01:25 PM.

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