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Thread: Create-A-Servant 2

  1. #5561
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Servant Shielder:

    True Name: Pallas

    Alignment: Neutral Good

    Alternate Class: Lancer

    Strength- D
    Agility- B-
    Endurance- C+
    Mana- C
    Luck- D
    NP- B+

    Equipment: Carries a simple, yet finely crafted bronze spear to attack and defend herself with. Contrary to expectations, Shielder does not bear the armament synonymous with her Class. Instead through her first Noble Phantasm, Shielder's entire body is raised to the level of her namesake weapon.

    Appearance (Tagged for sheer size)

    Personality: A carefree and excitable tomboy. She loves sparring and battles of every kind, exalting in the chance to test her skills against worthy adversaries. Being a child of the sea, Shielder has strong ties with water and enjoys frequent bathing- feeling uncomfortable if stranded on the surface for too long. Shielder believes ardently in the right of children to determine their own path in life and despises the paternalism of those who'd restrict the future of humanity for their short-sighted ideals. As such, as a Servant she shows excellent compatibility with the "Chaldea Security Foundation" that holds safeguarding mankind's future as its highest goal.

    Her wish on the Holy Grail is simply to have one final sparring match with her sworn sister Athena. An honorable battle where victory is declared only through one's strength of arms, free from the influence of overzealous gods and scheming fates. It matters not to her which of the two comes out triumphant, for just being able to match blades once more with the goddess is already Shielder's deepest wish.

    Relationships:

    Athena: Shielder's sworn sister. She was the only person in Athena's life who approached her as a friend and sister, rather than a divinity to be worshipped. As such, the two grew nearly inseperable during the years they spent together under the care of her father Triton, gaining a bond close to that of lovers. Shielder holds no bitterness over Athena's hand in her demise, reminiscing fondly of her many sparring matches against the goddess.

    Zeus: Sees him as the worst sort of father and the worst sort of person. A thoughtless, arrogant, stubborn and self-righteous blowhard with an ego bigger than Mount Olympus. While Shielder's dismal view is surely biased by the role Zeus played in her death, at the same time her assessment of the chief god's vices isn't exactly wrong.

    Achilles: Sharing a similar boisterous spirit and love of battle, the two could be expected to get along heartily. So from whence comes this inexplicable animosity...? "That jerk... he stole my Noble Phantasm! An honorable battlefield my ass, there's no one who deserves such a thing more than I do!" Eh, Shielder... you do realize that's not how Noble Phantasms work, right? "I don't care!" Ah, the grudges of youth.

    Likes: "big sis", honorable battles, the ocean
    Dislikes: helicopter parents, dry skin, dirty tricks
    Talent: sparring against divinity
    Natural Enemy: Zeus, Goetia?


    Class Skills:

    Territory Defense- B+
    A power displayed when protecting allies or an allied camp. Exhibits damage reduction surpassing the defensive limit value, but Shielder herself is not included as a target. Also, the protective range of this Skill spreads in proportion to the rank. Through the holy power of the Palladium, Shielder can erect a "zone of divine providence" that repels all attacks originating from outside.

    Magic Resistance- C-
    Power to neutralize the effects of Magecraft aimed against oneself. At this rank, all spells with an incantation below two verses are cancelled. Proves difficult to cope with the likes of High Thaumaturgy or Greater Rituals.

    While a heroine from the Age Of Gods, Shielder was not recorded to have encountered the magical arts in life and as such possesses only a moderate level of resistance. Due to the circumstances of her death, Shielder's magical defenses suffer further reduction against spells enacted through an optic medium- like the Mystic Eyes of a certain Gorgon.


    Personal Skills:

    Divinity- B+
    Qualifies one's aptitude as a Divine Spirit. At this level of godly aptitude Shielder can be said to qualify as a Demigod- a halfway point between divine and mortal. Daughter of the Libyan sea god Triton, divine blood naturally flows through Shielder's veins. Posthumous veneration as an aspect of Athena has further elevated her ranking.

    Eye Of The Mind (True)- A
    A heightened capacity for observation, refined through training, discipline and experience. An ability possessed mainly by mortals rather than the gods, honed through tenacious training. So long as there is even a 1% chance of comeback, this Skill greatly improves the odds of victory.

    At this rank, Shielder is capable of reading the opponent's moves in combat and adjusting her own tactics fluidly to compensate. Even against a vastly superior foe, Shielder can still hold her own through little more than wit and technique- closing the gap between herself and the opponent and opening a path toward victory.

    As one to hold her own in sparring matches against the wisdom goddess Athena with only mortal skill, Shielder uncontestably merits a great ranking in this Skill.

    Affections Of The Goddess- B
    A Skill that denotes the boosting of parameters due to receiving divine favor. At this rank, all parameters save Luck and Mana are treated as Rank-Up upon entering battle.
    Sorrow
    Affection
    is from the wisdom goddess Athena, given in grief after accidentally killing her sworn sister.

    Merfolk Constitution- C
    A Skill that expresses one's nature as a "Merfolk"- a mythical being said to be part human and part fish and dwell in the depths of the seas. As a creature of the seas, Shielder is empowered by seawater- gaining a rank-up to all parameters when fully immersed and able to breath underwater as easily as on air. Her body also undergoes some dramatic shifts- skin turning an ocean-blue complexion and becoming covered with rough scales, gills opening on her neck and ears changing to resemble webbed fins.

    Over time, Shielder's father Triton came to be associated with a race of mermaid-like creatures known as the Tritones- with the lower-bodies of fish and the upper-bodies of men. Though she herself was never described as such an existence, it seems that association and ties to her godly father has been enough to grant her this Skill.

    ...The only downside is that Shielder's skin tends to become terribly dry and cracked if denied water for too long, requiring regular baths to manage her complexion.


    Noble Phantasms:


    Palladium- Oh My Sister, Thou Shall Be Remembered For Eternity (B, Support): To atone for her role in Shielder's death, the goddess Athena elected to build a bronze statue in the likeness of her fallen sister and take on her own name as an epithet, gaining the title "Pallas Athena". Later on, that very statue became a great idol imbued with protective powers that could extend over an entire city. It originally safeguarded the city of Troy during the famous Trojan War, but after its untimely theft through the wile of Odysseus the statue was eventually brought to Rome by Aeneas- regarded as a sacred token of Roman rule.

    This statue and the later veneration it received have been conflated with Shielder's own essence as a Heroic Spirit, granting her this Noble Phantasm. A defensive ability that transmutes her body into bronze in response to attack. A sheen of hardened bronze spreads over any part of her body sufficiently damaged- rebuking subsequent attacks to that portion with the protective power of a rank 'B' Noble Phantasm.

    The scope of this Noble Phantasm progresses with damage to her body, from merely coating her extremities in bronze to eventually granting her a metallic constitution akin to a living statue. Of course, Shielder's weight also greatly increases as more of her body is transmuted. Especially on delicate or uneven terrain, this newfound heaviness and corresponding loss of agility can easily prove a hindrance as well as a blessing.

    The effects of this Noble Phantasm persist only so long as Shielder remains in combat. Upon the conclusion of an engagement, all transmuted parts of her body are instantly returned to normal. Thankfully for her, since it's rather hard to go for a relaxing swim when over half your body is solid bronze.


    Palladium Athene- Oh Statue, Give Sanctuary To All (B+, Barrier): By invoking the true name of the Palladium as an aspect of Athena, Shielder's body begins to glow with golden light. Said light is then expelled outwards, forming a shimmering "bubble" of holy power that expands to envelop her surroundings before solidifying into a great dome-shaped barrier. This is a full manifestation of the Palladium's protective powers, enclosing Shielder and her surroundings in a "zone of divine providence" that repels all attacks originating from outside.

    Only Noble Phantasms of equal or greater rank to the Palladium itself stand a chance of breaking through this sacred barrier. Giving the appearance of a single unbroken surface, the dome is in fact comprised of hundreds of interlocking geometric shapes like a honeycomb. Though normally distributed evenly, Shielder can alter the configuration of these shapes at will, either directing them all to one portion of the dome to rebut a single powerful attack or spreading them about to patch up damaged areas.

    Even if an opponent were to forcibly intrude upon Shielder's sanctum, they suffer a rank down in all parameters so long as the barrier itself remains active. To truly dispel this Noble Phantasm's effects, one must not simply pierce through the barrier but shatter it utterly with either a single powerful attack or simultaneous bombardment from all directions.

    It can be imagined that this dome of light can be expanded so its defensive powers would encompass an entire city- recreating the legend in which the Palladium shielded the city of Troy from downfall- but achieving such an epic feat would demand vast reserves of Mana, far greater than what Shielder herself possesses.


    Agapimeni Thanato- Demise Of My Beloved (C, Anti-Mind): A Noble Phantasm sublimating the moment of Shielder's death. In the midst of a particularly fierce sparring match against her sworn sister Athena, Shielder cornered the goddess so severely that Zeus himself was struck with fear for his divine daughter's life. Intervening from the heavens, Zeus brandished the Aegis shield- emblazoned with the ghastly visage of the Gorgon Medusa- before Shielder.

    While the shield's magic was unable to petrify Shielder entirely, it was enough to momentarily immobilize her in mid-strike. Without knowing of this Athena thrust forth her own spear, expecting Shielder to block or evade- only to watch with horror as the weapon sunk into her sister's unmoving breast.

    This Noble Phantasm recreates that moment of Shielder's legend, weaponizing the horror and grief of killing a loved one. By invoking its true name, a powerful mental interference is imposed upon Shielder's adversary- forcing them to perceive her as their own "most precious person". Whether a dear sister, a cherished lover or sworn comrade, the opponent will see Shielder as the one person they value more than anyone else in the world.

    A truly insidious ability, since even the most hardened of warriors is sure to falter before attacking the image of their beloved. While this illusion lasts only for an instant, that single moment of indecision is all Shielder needs to launch a decisive blow to her opponent. As an attack on the mind, it can be evaded by Skills that specialize in resisting mental interference such as Bravery or Soul Of A Martyr at sufficient rank. The only other surefire defense is to possess a merciless heart of steel that could strike down even one's beloved without a moment's hesitation.

    Since Shielder yearns for an honorable fight more than anything and detests those who'd rely on dirty tricks, she loathes to use this Noble Phantasm despite its great effectiveness. Shielder would sooner let herself die than invoke it against a worthy opponent, but may see poetic irony in using this Noble Phantasm against an enemy who themselves resorts to underhanded means of attaining victory...

    Incidentally, she would much prefer a "duel field" Noble Phantasm born of her wish for an honorable battle, cutting off both combatants from the external world and barring outside interference. Unfortunately for her, it seems this ability has already been taken by "that green-haired jerk"... copyright infringement truly is a cruel mistress.


    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Another lesser-known hero(ine) from Greek Mythology this time around. I'd pretty much gotten down most of her sheet about a week ago, but a bunch of stuff came up in my life and I didn't get the chance to finalize it until now. Originally envisioned her as a Lancer, but I realized her NPs made more sense for a Shielder, plus wanting to go with a lesser-used Class for a change.

    I'm pretty proud of her overall. Might add Craft Essences sometime later on but for now I'm just happy to post this up rather then leaving her to languish on my word file any longer...

  2. #5562
    So Many Ideas, So Little Time SleepMode's Avatar
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    Pallas: I can't help but hear Spear of Justice in the background...

    An interesting take on the Shielder class, where instead of a weapon, it's her body that becomes a living armor of sorts.

    The second NP conflicts with her ideals, so it makes sense that she loathes it. But alas, the Curse of Copyright strikes again...!

    (But wow, I mean Zeus was bad, but a using the shield!? Way to ruin the spar.)
    Last edited by SleepMode; April 13th, 2017 at 01:29 PM.

  3. #5563
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zh1212 View Post
    Pallas: I can't help but hear Spear of Justice in the background...

    An interesting take on the Shielder class, where instead of a weapon, it's her body that becomes a living armor of sorts.

    The second NP conflicts with her ideals, so it makes sense that she loathes it. But alas, the Curse of Copyright strikes again...!

    (But wow, I mean Zeus was bad, but a using the shield!? Way to ruin the spar.)
    ...Second NP? Pretty sure it's her third actually (though I understand the mistake as her first two NPs are essentially two aspects of the same artifact, like how Gae Bolg takes different forms when thrown or used in melee).

    Spear of Justice in Undyne's theme from Undertale, right? Yeah, that'd probably fit... Never played Undertale to be honest, but that FC was absolutely perfect so I just had to go with it...

    - - - Updated - - -

    I also revised my compendium post again to include the extra Classes under their own categories rather then lumped into a single [Misc] section. Since I now have a fair "extras" at this point (with more planned on the way), it doesn't seem fair not to separate them off at this point...

  4. #5564
    lordofvenom venomking's Avatar
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    i felt like doing an assassin version of him later which uses the whole don't look back thing as a phantasm.

  5. #5565
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by venomking View Post
    i felt like doing an assassin version of him later which uses the whole don't look back thing as a phantasm.
    How would that work out of curiosity? He banishes the opponent to the underworld by looking back at them? The most obvious approach (revives the dead so long as he doesn't look at them) isn't exactly Assassin material...

  6. #5566
    So Many Ideas, So Little Time SleepMode's Avatar
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    Sorry for mistaking the NPs, but yes, it's the third one.

    Given Pallas' background of mer-origins, the Undyne fc fits. (Especially the tomboyish and battle-loving aspects...)

  7. #5567
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zh1212 View Post
    Sorry for mistaking the NPs, but yes, it's the third one.

    Given Pallas' background of mer-origins, the Undyne fc fits. (Especially the tomboyish and battle-loving aspects...)
    It actually worked at least partially the other around, I think. I committed to making her a merwoman after coming across the Undyne FC, though it does fit given her connections to Triton. One of the rarer cases where the faceclaim decidedly influenced my take on the character (along with the Ico FC for Furbaide that inspired me to depict him as a shota).

    Pallas is actually one of my favorite recent Servants. I really feel the different aspects of her character fit together very well...

  8. #5568
    lordofvenom venomking's Avatar
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    actually my original idea, was that he uses it as a revive, but requires him to develop a strong enough bond with his master(one that could approach or is love). it activates upon death and brings his master to the underworld were she/he(probs a she if i ever make fanfic with him) brings him back to life, of course he plays the music which convinces hades to allow it bla bla bla. were it can really only be used once, as the second its used a servant would know his dinette as well as his NP and simply kill his master.

  9. #5569
    屍鬼 Ghoul
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    (Summoned as an Avenger)


    (Summoned as a non-Avenger)

    -Title: The Hated One, The Sun’s Holy Avatar, That Damned One of Amarna
    -Other Qualifying Classes: Saber, Lancer, Caster, Berserker, Archer and Rider
    -Gender: Male
    -Character Alignment: Lawful Evil
    -Origin: Egypt

    Parameters:
    -Strength: A+
    -Endurance: D+
    -Agility: C+
    -Mana: A-
    -Luck: C+
    -NP: EX

    Class Skills:
    -Avenger (A): Avenger gained this skill due to his incredible self-loathing and lack of empathy. As a result, he's more easily seen as an enemy by those around him, but the resulting enmity strengthens him due to his Class Vessel.
    -Oblivion Correction (D): Increases the damage Avenger deals whenever he strikes his foe's weak points.
    -Self Replenishment (E): Avenger is able to autonomously replenish his mana reserves overtime at a rather sluggish pace.

    Personal Skills:
    -Mental Pollution (C+): Provides a probability (roughly 50%) that mental interference magecraft will be rendered ineffective.
    -Glory of Aten (EX): Because he once worshiped the Aten in life, Avenger is granted photokinesis (light manipulation) and a minor degree of heliokinesis (solar energy manipulation). This includes solidifying light particles to create constructs, channeling light through physical strikes and radiating intense beams of light capable of easily melting and vaporizing stone.
    -Aegis of Faith (A+++): A pseudo-supernatural protection that springs from religious faith, protecting the body and mind from harm. However, it is not true protection derived from a divinity.
    -Imperial Privilege (A): Acquires any skill with minimal practice due to his upbringing which raised him to learn a wide variety of skills and talents. This includes swordsmanship, riding, art, magecraft, etc.
    -Information Erasure (B): Obscures information regarding the Servant's True Name, abilities and appearance from the memories of witnesses after an engagement. After his death, he was all but removed from history, known only as "That Traitor" and this skill will always give Avenger the appearance of a formless, shapeless black shadow adorned in the royal regalia of a Pharaoh such as a nemes (a royal headdress which covered the forehead, back of the head, and nape of the neck), pectoral (a golden collar worn over the chest), shendyt (a wrap-around skirt belted around the waist), postiche (false beard) and elaborate sandals made of feathers.

    Noble Phantasm:
    -Accession to Glory: Praise to the Life-Giving Solar Disk
    *Type: Anti-Fortress
    *Rank: EX

    By overclocking his body with the Sun’s radiant energies and his own boiling rage, Avenger is able to unleash a powerful explosion of holy energy that creates massive shockwaves. In order to activate this Noble Phantasm, Avenger needs to recite a special hymn issuing praise to to the Aten which Avenger may have written himself. During recital, Avenger will slowly levitate off the ground and have his whole body totally consumed in blazing golden-white flames as he reaches a maximum altitude of 100 feet.

    The hymn reads as follows:
    Spoiler:

    You rise in perfection on the horizon of the sky, living Aten, who started life. Whenever you are risen upon the eastern horizon you fill every Land with your perfection. You are appealing, great, sparkling, high over every land; your rays hold together the lands as far as everything you have made. Since you are Re, you reach as far as they do, and you curb them for your beloved son. Although you are far away, your rays are upon the land; you are in their faces, yet your departure is not observed.

    Whenever you set on the western horizon, the land is in darkness in the manner of death. They sleep in a bedroom with heads under the covers, and one eye does not see another. If all their possessions which are under their heads were stolen, they would not know it . Every lion who comes out of his cave and all the serpent's bite, for darkness is a blanket. The land is silent now, because he who made them is at rest on his horizon. But when day breaks you are risen upon the horizon, and you shine as the Aten in the daytime. When you dispel darkness and you give forth your rays, the two lands are in festival, alert and standing on their feet, now that you have raised them up. Their bodies are clean, and their clothes have been put on; their arms are <lifted> in praise at your rising.

    The entire Land performs its work:

    All the cattle are content with their fodder, trees and plants grow, birds fly up to their nests, their wings <extended> in praise for your Ka. All the kine prance on their feet; everything which flies up and alights, they live when you have risen for them. The barges sail upstream and downstream too, for every way is open at your rising. The fishes in the river leap before your face when your rays are in the sea.

    You who have placed seed in woman and have made sperm into man, who feeds the son in the womb of his mother, who quiets him with something to stop his crying; you are the nurse in the womb, giving breath to nourish all that has been begotten. When he comes down from the womb to breathe on the day he is born, you open up his mouth [completely], and supply his needs. When the fledgling in the egg speaks in the shell, you give him air inside it to sustain him. When you grant him his allotted time to break out from the egg, he comes out from the egg to cry out at his fulfillment, and he goes upon his legs when he has come forth from it.

    How plentiful it is, what you have made, although they are hidden from view, sole god, without another beside you; you created the earth as you wished, when you were by yourself, <before> mankind, all cattle and kine, all beings on land, who fare upon their feet, and all beings in the air, who fly with their wings. The lands of Khor and Kush and the land of Egypt: you have set every man in his place, you have allotted their needs, everyone of them according to his diet, and his lifetime is counted out. Tongues are separate in speech, and their characters as well; their skins are different, for you have differentiated the foreigners. In the underworld you have made a Nile that you may bring it forth as you wish to feed the populace, since you made them for yourself, their utter master, growing weary on their account, lord of every land. For them the Aten of the daytime arises, great in awesomeness.

    All distant lands, you have made them live, for you have set a Nile in the sky that it may descend for them and make waves upon the mountains like the sea to irrigate the fields in their towns. How efficient are your designs, Lord of eternity: a Nile in the sky for the foreigners and all creatures that go upon their feet, a Nile coming back from the underworld for Egypt. Your rays give suck to every field: when you rise they live, and they grow for you. You have made the seasons to bring into being all you have made: the Winter to cool them, the Heat that you may be felt. You have made a far-off heaven in which to rise in order to observe everything you have made. Yet you are alone, rising in your manifestations as the Living Aten: appearing, glistening, being afar, coming close; you make millions of transformations of yourself. Towns, harbors, fields, roadways, waterways: every eye beholds you upon them, for you are the Aten of the daytime on the face of the earth. When you go forth every eye [is upon you]. You have created their sight but not to see (only) the body... which you have made.

    You are my desire, and there is no other who knows you except for your son (Neferkheperu-Re Wa-en-Re), for you have apprised him of your designs and your power. The earth came forth into existence by your hand, and you made it. When you rise, they live; when you set, they die. You are a life span in yourself; one lives by you. Eyes are upon your perfection until you set: all work is put down when you rest in the west. When (you) rise, (everything) grows for the King and (for) everyone who hastens on foot, because you have founded the land and you have raised them for your son who has come forth from your body, the King of Upper and Lower Egypt, the one Living on Maat, Lord of the Two Lands (Nefer-kheperu-Re Wa-en-Re), son of Re, the one Living on Maat, Master of Regalia, (Akhenaten), the long lived, and the Foremost Wife of the King, whom be loves, the Mistress of the Two Lands, (Nefer-nefru- Aten Nefertiti), living and young, forever and ever.
    When the recitation has been completed, Avenger’s body will violently detonate with the force of a tactical nuke in a burst of holy flames that's potentially lethal enough to destroy an opponent. The blast is powerful enough to create a glow over a large part of the earth as seen from space and winds in excess of 650 miles per hour which will flatten everything in the blast’s wake. This Noble Phantasm should only be used as a last resort only when other strategies have failed due to its sheer destructive power and the fact that it results in Avenger’s death.

    True Name:

    Spoiler:
    Avenger's True Name is Amenhotep IV, one of Ancient Egypt’s most influential and controversial pharaohs whose reign during Egypt's 18th Dynasty witnessed a number of accomplishments, both foreign and domestic. But Amenhotep is usually recalled today for espousing the worship of the sun disk, the Aten, and neglected the older state and local gods, particularly Amun-Re. The king changed his name from Amenhotep (“Amun Is Pleased”) to Akhenaten (“Servant of the Aten”) and constructed a new residence city at Amarna called Akhet-Aten.

    Akhenaten hoped that moving Egypt's capital to a new city and completely overhauling the religious beliefs of the country would weed out corruption from Egypt's political system and unite people under a single, invisible god. However, as time went on, Akhenaten found himself frequently suffering psychotic breakdowns because he had no idea how to handle the pressures of his royal duties, making it easy for corrupt officials to work around the tired man. As a result, Akhenaten slowly started paying less and less attention to his subject’s needs and foreign affairs while spending more time worshiping the Aten with his family, allowing a shift of power that weakened Egypt.

    Things ultimately came to a head when Akhenaten’s beloved wife Nefertiti disappeared from history around year 14 of his reign, almost as if she never existed. Nefertiti’s sudden vanishment proved to be the straw that broke the camel's back and Akhenaten ultimately died of heartbreak, bringing an end to his chaotic and troubled 17-year-long reign, known today as the Amarna Age.


    Personality:

    Spoiler:
    Akhenaten’s mindset as an Avenger is similar that of his mentality during the final years of his reign. Akhenaten is a bitter nihilist and pessimistic, self-pitying individual that always sees the worst possible outcome of every situation, a far cry from the optimistic and idealistic pharaoh that he was once was. He is an individual burdened with feelings of intense self-loathing and guilt over the actions who is only able to find solace in worshiping the Aten in the hope that it will grant the strength to win the Grail War.

    The almost-total erasure of Akhenaten's presence from Egyptian history has done little to improve his mood, as it has convinced him that the people of Egypt simply did not understand and appreciate what Akhenaten was trying to achieve. But, regardless of all that had happened all so many, many years ago, Akhenaten is all the more determined to claim the Holy Grail for himself and use it to undo the political damage that he had done to his own legacy.
    Last edited by Diablo Interceptor; April 14th, 2017 at 10:12 PM.

  10. #5570
    Tranquilo, Japones, Tranquilo JetKinen's Avatar
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    that hymn is too long for its own good.

    Fate Grand/Order ID: 102947414/GreenBob
    JetKinen's tries very poorly to translate a brazilian book

  11. #5571
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JetKinen View Post
    that hymn is too long for its own good.
    ...Understatement of the freaking century. I can tell you must've gotten it from some historico-mythical source but it's in need of some serious abbreviation. Think EMIYA's Unlimited Blade Works mantra or Irisviel's song for invoking Excalibur in Fate/Zero as about the upper limit when it comes to dramatic special move incantations.

    Other then that, the sheet itself is fairly well-done and interesting, especially for your first. And welcome to the forum!

  12. #5572
    So Many Ideas, So Little Time SleepMode's Avatar
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    Amenhotep: Welcome to the forum, and impressive first sheet you've made there; especially one that's an Avenger, too.

    IMO some of his parameters have too many modifiers, but since the pharaoh is pretty fragile, I suppose it's alright. (I mean Avengers are kind of like Glass Cannons to begin with...)

    And yeah, the incantation is way too long, the poor guy will probably be killed halfway through the recital.

    (To be fair, he's going to die either way...)
    Last edited by SleepMode; April 14th, 2017 at 11:20 PM.

  13. #5573
    Flying Fairy Sunny's Avatar
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    This is weirdly not at all who I intended to start drafting when I picked this faceclaim and I pretty much don't mind at all. That was a fun little fever dream.

    Servant:
    Caster
    Alignment: Neutral Good
    True Name: Countess Alessandra di Cagliostro





    "Ego sum qui sum! Rest assured, Master. For I, your humble and lovely immortal,
    nothing shall stay concealed and nothing is impossible!"
    Background:
    Spoiler:
    Recorded in history as the Count de Cagliostro, Alessandro Cagliostro was the alias of a traveling Italian adventurer and self-styled magician whose birth, origin, and teachings were uncertain and mysterious. Claiming to have traveled through Egypt, Africa, and Asia, he learned much in the way of alchemy, occultism, and other mystical arts before returning to Europe and settling in London and later France. Traveling with his beautiful wife, Serafina, he soon amassed an immense fortune as the founder of a new Freemason tradition steeped in the Hermetic teachings of ancient Egypt.

    Soon after establishing the new tradition, he and Serafina made a fortune by establishing a number of Freemason lodges throughout Europe, but as a seller of powerful "Egyptian" concoctions, a skilled practitioner of seances and predestination, and even a founder of maternal hospitals. He proudly refused to accept money from his growing followers, though his wife often reluctantly, dutifully accepted tithes in his place.

    His fame and connections grew such that he was even believed to be involved in the Affair of the Diamond Necklace in France, though ultimately cleared of charges and exiled instead. Dogged by claims of falsehood and charlatanism throughout his career, he was ultimately determined to be a common Sicilian thug by the name of Giuseppe Balsamo, whose criminal record increased in scale until he moved from larceny to the largest con of all, rusing all of Europe into knowing his name. After the truth was revealed, he ultimately died in ignominy after being incarcerated as a Masonic activist after fleeing to Rome, supposedly betrayed by his wife who pled innocence and was tearfully forgiven by her family.

    ...Not long after, his wife disappeared, continuing her work in spite of the lingering theory that Balsamo was never Cagliostro at all, but merely a convenient scapegoat and a means to discredit the medical and theosophical work of the real Cagliostro, and that the Masonic philosopher, thief, and philantropist lived on and escaped.


    Personality:
    Spoiler:
    Despite her claims of wisdom and sagacity beyond her age, Caster very much acts her age - a young, excitable woman in the height of her career when all of Europe was in her thrall and followers throughout Paris whispered her name. If you ask her name, she will tell you. If you don't, she will likely as not tell you any way, along with as many of her legendary claims as you have patience to listen to. A Command Spell would most likely be needed to actually conceal her identity for any length of time, and even if she didn't actually reveal it, her tendency to ramble with hyperactive glee about the virtues of her magecraft, her tinctures, or her myriad scandals may easily betray the truth.

    Despite her motormouth and lack of control, it is easy to see the charm and bright promise that attracted so many followers to her in the first place, even if she often acted subordinate to another. In that respect, at least, her relationship with her Master comes easily and smoothly - they are a patsy to take the responsibility for her flights of fancy while she makes a sometimes convincing show of respect.

    She adores people, better still a crowd, though on an individual basis she spoils children rotten.


    Parameters:
    Strength: E
    Endurance: E
    Agility: B
    Mana: B
    Luck: A
    Noble Phantasm: A

    Class Abilities:
    Item Creation
    Rank: -
    Due to the influence of this Servant's legend, this ability is suppressed in favor of the unique Forgery personal skill.

    Territory Creation
    Rank: C+
    The Skill to build a special terrain that is advantageous to oneself as a magus, such as for the purpose of collecting mana. While smaller in scale than a workshop, she is able to create a prolific number of effective lodges that reinforce her magecraft.

    Personal Skills:
    Forgery
    Rank: B
    A skill possessed by Heroic Spirits whose legends are tainted by their reputation as a peddler of falsehood and lies. This skill serves as the equivalent of Item Creation and Enchant at one rank higher than the rank of this skill. However, in exchange, the efficacy of such items are short-lasting and quickly lose all power and mystery after an uncertain, unreliable amount of time.

    Egyptian Magecraft
    Rank: C+
    Proof that one has been initiated in the magecraft of ancient Egypt. While several degrees removed from the genuine secrets and techniques of Egyptian priests, by combining the foundation with knowledge from her time, Caster is capable of sometimes exceeding the limits of what she should be able to recreate.

    Medical Techniques
    Rank: B+
    Medicine knowledge that surpasses the medical technology of those times (in which transmission proliferated) by a few degrees. Still, this Skill does not make a comparison by modern standards, instead determining by the standards of the age in which the Servant lived. At this rank, Caster is capable of devising improbably effective tinctures, stimulants, and other potions of questionable methodology. Despite her legend, Caster had a great interest in life in providing free, or nearly free, medical care to all those who sought her aid, and established numerous orphanages and maternal clinics.

    Noble Phantasm:
    Grand Kophta - Ascension of the Egyptian Rites
    Type: Anti-Unit (Self)
    Rank: A
    The Noble Phantasm of the eccentric wanderer known as both a charlatan and a liar as well as the authentic founder of a Freemason rite and a gifted clairvoyant and sorceress. Claimed by Caster to be the title of a high priest who indoctrinated her in the masonic Egyptian Rite of Misraďm, its spirit was often invoked by Caster or her agents in seances and rituals held under her name.

    By invoking this Noble Phantasm and inviting the spirit of her supposed mentor into her body, Caster's appearance undergoes a drastic metamorphosis, appropriating the imagery and aura of Egyptian royalty and divinity to reinforce her spiritual essence. A temporary, falsified form of Ascension, in this form the foundation of Caster's magecraft is exponentially reinforced, at the cost of temporarily sealing her other personal skills.

    Not just her mannerisms, but even her personality change, becoming more imperious and regal in nature, with little of her previous penchant for showboating and theatrics. The longer Caster maintains this form, the more it begins to overwrite her own spiritual identity, forcing her to limit its engagement when possible.

    Whether due to the nature of the divine spirit she invokes, or her own peculiar tastes and preference, Caster's incarnation of the Grand Kophta invariably manifests as a young, short girl not yet in the prime of her life.

    Spoiler:



    Edit: While unintended, it does make me giggle to have her sheet come along after a Pharaoh's. Very neat choice for an Egyptian servant and especially as an Avenger. ...Not sure he'll ever, ever, ever ever ever get that NP off, though.
    Last edited by Sunny; April 15th, 2017 at 02:38 AM.

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  14. #5574
    屍鬼 Ghoul
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    -Title:
    Black Mozart, Chevalier de Saint-Georges
    -Other Qualifying Classes: Caster and Rider
    -Gender: Male
    -Character Alignment: Neutral Good
    -Origin: France

    Parameters:
    -Strength: C
    -Endurance: E+
    -Agility: B
    -Mana: D+
    -Luck: C-
    -NP: B-

    Class Skills:
    -Magic Resistance (C): Cancel spells with a chant below two verses. Cannot defend against Magecraft on the level of High-Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals.
    -Riding (D): Can ride vehicles adequately.

    Personal Skills:
    -Eternal Arms Mastery (B): Saber's fighting skill was so great that he was considered virtually unrivaled in his era, with his technique being engraved into every fiber of his being, allowing him to fight at full capacity even if he is driven completely insane.
    -Military Tactics (C): Tactical knowledge used not for one-on-one combat situations, but for battles where many are mobilized. Bonus modifiers are provided during use of one's own Anti-Army Noble Phantasm or when dealing against an enemy Anti-Army Noble Phantasm.
    -Charisma (A): Natural talent to command an army. Increases the ability of allies during group battles. Can be said to have achieved the greatest level of popularity as a human being.
    -(True) Eye of the Mind (B): A heightened capacity for observation, refined through Saber's experience as a swordsman. It easier for him to see through feints and disguises as well as giving him the ability to read his opponent's movements more easily to take the best possible course of action.
    -Human Observation (A): A technique to observe and understand people. At this level, it is not simply observing but also hypothesizing the livelihoods and preferences, all the way to their life, of people one may not even known the names of. This requires a tremendous memory that does not forget easily.

    Noble Phantasm:
    -God of Arms: Turning the Tide of Battle
    *Type: Anti-Unit (Self)
    *Rank: B-

    Saber was enrolled in a academy for fencing and horsemanship at age 13 and advanced so quickly that he had beat the best swordsmen at 15. He reached a turning point in his youth, when the fencing-master of a rival school had mocked in public and challenged him to a duel. Saber at first refused, but his father promised him a new carriage if he fought and won. At the duel, Saber quickly emerged the victor, but would suffer his first defeat the following year at the hands of the famed Italian fencer Giuseppe Gianfaldoni, who praised Saber and said that he would soon be the best fencer on the European continent.

    This Noble Phantasm will active upon Saber being grievously harmed in combat, raising all of his physical parameters by a single modifier and his Luck by two ranks. Saber also gains a 50% probability of winning a battle, a 30% chance of parrying or evading a lethal strike that could kill him and a 5% chance to deal an attack that instantly kills his opponent and defeats them instantly if it hits.

    True Name:
    Joseph Bologne, who was to become the Chevalier de Saint-Georges, was born on Christmas Day, 1745 and moved to France in 1755. In spite of his father’s status, Saint-George’s African heritage made him ineligible for the nobility and its titles under French law. Eventually, legal or not, he took the titles anyway. This was the age of Enlightenment in France and yet philosophers like Voltaire were among those that argued that Africans were genetically inferior to Europeans.

    A Code Noir (Law of Blacks), restricting and regulating the lives of African people had been on the books in France since the 17th century. It is undeniable that he was gifted, but his inborn talents were magnified by relentless effort, permitting him not only to be better, but above all to overcome the racial barrier which put him in the disdained social class of “Műlatres” (Mulattos) because his father was White and his mother was Black. Interracial marriage was officially prohibited, although some married in spite of the ban.

    Because of his father’s wealth and status, St. Georges received the advantage of a superior education. At age 13, he entered an elite fencing academy and boarding school. Mornings at the academy consisted of classes in mathematics, history, foreign languages, music, drawing, and dance. Afternoons were devoted to the fencing. One of his classmates wrote that Saint-Georges was the most extraordinary man of arms ever seen. Eventually he would be called “the god of arms.” In all things athletic he seemed to excel. He could often be seen swimming across the River Seine with only one arm, and in skating, his skill exceeded all others. As to the pistol, he rarely missed his target. In running, he was reputed to be one of the leading exponents in the whole of Europe.

    In addition to his skills as an athlete, Saint-Georges was also an excellent dancer. Indeed, in regard to music, and despite racial barriers Saint-Georges soon mastered both the harpsichord and the violin, and composed a sonata for flute and harp. He became one of the earliest French composers of string quartets. Much ado has been made of Saint-Georges’ reputation as a Don Juan Noir (a Black Don Juan). Saint-Georges did have at least one serious romantic relationship, but racial attitudes made it impossible for him to marry anyone at his level of society.

    By 1778 Saint-Georges had reached his professional peak as a composer. He published two symphony concertantes in 1776 and two more in 1778. In 1777 he wrote three violin concertos and six string quartets. Some people call Saint-Georges the Black Mozart. Early in 1779 Saint-Georges began performing music with Queen Marie-Antoniette at Versailles, at her request. He was one also of the first Black Masons in France. Saint-Georges’ trips to England introduced him to the anti-slavery movement. Eventually he helped found a French group called the Société des amis des noirs (Society of the Friends of Black People). Saint-Georges’ support for the liberation of enslaved Africans was well known in England, and was no doubt irritating enough to warrant Britain’s slave cartel’s attempts on his life.

    In September 1791 a delegation of Blacks asked the National Assembly of France to allow it to fight in defense of the Revolution and its egalitarian ideals. The Assembly approved a corps comprised mainly of Blacks, with 800 infantry and 200 cavalry personnel. Saint-Georges was appointed to be its colonel. Its official name was légion franche de cavalerie des Américains, but it soon became known to all as the Légion Saint-George (Saint-George Legion). The Colonel chose his friend and protégé, Alexandre Dumas, as Lieutenant-Colonel. Like his colonel, he was the son of a French aristocrat and an enslaved African woman. He later had a son, also named Alexandre Dumas, who won fame as the author of The Three Musketeers, The Count of Monte Cristo and The Man in the Iron Mask.
    Last edited by Diablo Interceptor; April 15th, 2017 at 11:23 AM.

  15. #5575
    Dead Apostle Eater Historia's Avatar
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    Someone enlighten me on the use of + and - modifiers in Servant sheets.

  16. #5576
    So Many Ideas, So Little Time SleepMode's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ymir View Post
    Someone enlighten me on the use of + and - modifiers in Servant sheets.
    From TMdict:

    "Now, things like B+ and A+ represent the unique ability to multiply these numerical values for just an instant.
    In other words, an ability ranked B+ would normally be weaker than an ability ranked A, but can momentarily exceed it by doubling its own power from 40 to 80."
    Last edited by SleepMode; April 15th, 2017 at 07:21 AM.

  17. #5577
    Dead Apostle Eater Historia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zh1212 View Post
    From TMdict:

    "Now, things like B+ and A+ represent the unique ability to multiply these numerical values for just an instant.
    In other words, an ability ranked B+ would normally be weaker than an ability ranked A, but can momentarily exceed it by doubling its own power from 40 to 80."
    No. I knew that already.

    I meant the reasoning behind giving a Servant a + or - modifier. For example, why would our boy Bologne have a + to Endurance, Mana, and a - in Luck and his Noble Phantasm? What makes him so special?

  18. #5578
    So Many Ideas, So Little Time SleepMode's Avatar
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    Honestly, I see no reason in adding the modifiers to Endurance or Mana, since fencers back then aren't really heavily protected. But his Luck makes sense, due to the numerous (mostly false) charges and arrests against him, I'll say that the Luck modifier is justified.

    And Magic Resistance: That's too high for person who lived in the Period of Enlightenment, a time where science and reasoning dominated society. Should be lowered to D at least.
    Last edited by SleepMode; April 15th, 2017 at 08:05 AM.

  19. #5579
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    @Zh1212: Duly noted, I've fixed up Bologne's Magic Resistance and modified his Endurance Parameter.

  20. #5580
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zh1212 View Post
    From TMdict:

    "Now, things like B+ and A+ represent the unique ability to multiply these numerical values for just an instant.
    In other words, an ability ranked B+ would normally be weaker than an ability ranked A, but can momentarily exceed it by doubling its own power from 40 to 80."
    Even then, I think that really only straightforwardly applies to parameters and NPs. With Skills it's rather less clear.

    Take Gilgamesh's initial A+ Divinity for example. What would it even mean for the value to "multiply" in that context?

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