The usual thing to do is mention those on a different line, like so:
Alternate Classes: Saber, Archer, Lancer.Most of us want to submit OCs. No need to mention that, specifically.*True Name: Charles Martel (I want to submit OC servant)
But the picture you've posted portrays him as blonde.Appearance : Gawain in black hair.
Since this is apparently my "thing" now. Spelling errors and capitalization in red, grammar errors in blue. Also in blue: parts of sentences that just trail off. Unnecessary interjections in green. In purple: sentences you've duplicated. You could also use some more linebreaks. To make the parts in which the sheet is divided clearer, you could bold things like "Personal (Skills)" etc. Options for bolding are at the top of the editor's menu.Height:180 Cm
Weight:76 Kg
Three Sizes:
*Clothes without Armor: White shirt combined with brown leather jackets,blue jeans and black converse sneaker.
Birthday:
Blood type:
Place of Origin:Belgium, Western Europe.
Family:Father,mother,brother and a bunch of son.
Likes:His family and his homeland.
Dislikes:Someone that try to attack his family and homeland.
Talents: Administration,leading an army, wooing ladies and inventing new strategy for war and battle even in the heat of a war.
Natural Enemy:Umayyad army and Abdul Rahman Al Ghafiqi, governor of Al-Andalus on his time.
Status:
(Based off of grades you selected)
*Strength:C plus
*Endurance:A
*Agility: D
*Mana:C
*Luck:A
*Noble Phantasm (Bond Level between Master and Servant):A
Class Skills
Magic Resistance : D plus
Although he live in age where paganism still commons and the user of true magic is still exist, he never really trust those kind of thing.
Riding : C plus
Never ride a phantasmal beast on his entire life.
Personal
Military Tactics:B
Can always comes with strategy during and before go to battle.
Pioneer of the Stars:A -
Pioneer of the Stars (星の開拓者, Hoshi no Kaitaku-sha?, localized as "Settler of the Stars") is the unique Skill given to heroes that became turning points in human history. All difficult voyages and challenges which are considered "impossible" turn into "events that can be realized". For Charles Martel case his achievements for stopping Umayyad army at the battle of tours stopped the Ummayad invasion from overrun Europe and his invention He created on military tactic and army organization what would become the first western standing army since the fall of Rome by his maintaining a core of loyal veterans around which he organized the normal feudal levies. In essence, he changed Europe from a horde of barbarians fighting with one another, to an organized state. And make whate whould we call the knight of midieval age. Paved the way for Charlemagne to conquering western europe Charles Martel cases will make enemy Servant that have higher Strength parameter to drop one rank. And rise his Strength parameter one rank.
Knight Tactic:Ex
Knight Tactics (騎士の武略, Kishi no Buryaku?) is a battle methodology in which one grasps the flow of battle and induces the opponent to make a mistake, even without being a match for him/her in strength. A Skill not for self-strengthening, but to invite a check failure for the opponent. Consists of composed observation powers to wager on a momentary chance of arles is also the father of heavy cavalry in Europe, as he integrated heavy armoured cavalry into his forces. This creation of a real army would continue all through his reign, and that of his son, Pepin the Short, until his grandson, Charlemagne, would possess the world's largest and finest army since the peak of arles analysed what would be necessary for him to withstand a larger force and superior technology (the Muslim horsemen had adopted the armour and accoutrements of heavy cavalry from the Sassanid warrior class, which made the armored mounted knight possible). Not daring to send his few horsemen against the Islamic cavalry, he had his army fight in a formation used by the ancient Greeks to withstand superior numbers and weapons by discipline, courage, and a willingness to die for their cause: a phalanx. He had trained a core of his men year round. It was this hard core of disciplined veterans that won the day for him at Tours. Apart from the military endeavours, Charles is considered to be a founding figure of the European Middle illed as an administrator as well as a warrior, he is credited with a seminal role in the emerging responsibilities of the knights of courts, and so in the development of the Frankish system of feudalism. If king Arthur is ''king of Knight'' because of his morality,then Charles Martel is ''the king of knights'' because he is credited with a seminal role in the emerging responsibilities of the knights of courts, and so in the development of the Frankish system of feudalism and battle tactic that without it knight class will not exist. With this skill Charles Martel can always spot enemy weakness and mistakes and turn it to gain victory almost without failures.
Noble Phantasm
''Martellus" (L., and so "Martel", Fr.: "the hammer")
"whom God had blessed with victory"
Anti-Personnel - Anti-Army Noble phantasm
A Noble Phantasm that can be employed in two
First: he can summon his entire army (60.000 soldiers) during the battle of tours,because this noble phantasm is not using Reality Marble all damage will not disappear.
Second: he can employ this Noble Phantasm as series of slash that being launched by ''perfect knight'' in term of technique during Servants again Servants battle.
Onto the content. I think you've got a good idea, honestly. In your description of Knightly Tactics, you mention that Saber Classic is the King of Knights because of his morality, but Charles Martel is the King of Knights because he pioneered the idea of armoured horsemen. I really like that, it's a classic sort of imagination vs real life dichotomy. But, on the other hand, you don't really use it enough. It's only mentioned in that one skill and doesn't come up anywhere else. Personally, I'd make the whole sheet revolve around that. Make him disdainful of romanticising war or the Grail Quest or something, maybe. Play it up a little, give him some easily visible personality. Add some lines to other Knights we already know of in canon, if you feel confident enough in your grasp of their characterization.
That said, I'm less impressed by the rest of the sheet. "The Hammer" is an insanely cool nickname - just imagine a mob enforcer or boxer with that nickname - but it's only mentioned in the Noble Phantasm's name. Charles Martel protected Christendom from the Muslim invasion, which is fine and dandy, but you don't give him Protection of the Faith. Why? He gets Pioneer of the Stars at rank A, but while I've seen worse cases for granting the skill the rank still seems overblown. The NP itself is nothing impressive, either. It does two things for no real reason, and neither is particularly interesting: bargain bin Ionian Hetairoi and bargain bin Nine Lives. That could really use some work. I'd just make it do one thing instead of two. I'd also put a lot more effort in description of the Noble Phantasm, as that's the most important thing in a sheet for me.
Last edited by NMR-3; March 2nd, 2018 at 11:01 AM.
Bless this man's dedication
AWAKEN MY RULERS
Cool Profil Gally but two Question :First how to gain her trust and for a deep trusting and strong relationship?
:Second as Rider she must have a Mount Nobelphantasm but she havent one ?
Which of my three tries would you say is my best work until now ?
Thank you for the opinion, i will work it out for the next one
t h a t s n o t h o w i t w o r k s
Pioneeer of the stars is anyone who moves human history forward or something along those lines, inventors can have it, but someone like Neil Armstrong would have it as well. And it is always EX, because it's impact cannot be quantified.
AWAKEN MY RULERS
Because weird all know that gods fly in dinosaurs and pratice lucha-libre
I love nasu
here is a list of my servant sheets(new and improved format for my servant sheets)
Come explore the White Library, and reach the bottom of this Abyss
Fate / White Memoria
Well, crap. Ushi and A&M still count as examples, right?
AWAKEN MY RULERS
Also, miss kobayashi's dragon maid crossover when?
here is a list of my servant sheets(new and improved format for my servant sheets)
Come explore the White Library, and reach the bottom of this Abyss
Fate / White Memoria
Alaric
As does Medusa, the original Rider.
But medusa has pegasus...
- - - Updated - - -
Well, i guess technically he is not the NP.
here is a list of my servant sheets(new and improved format for my servant sheets)
Come explore the White Library, and reach the bottom of this Abyss
Fate / White Memoria
Assassin
Identity: Sasuke Sarutobi
Title: Regend of the Ninja
Height: 165 cm
Weight: 52 kg
Alignment: Chaotic Good
Origin: Japan
Weapon: Ninja gear
Parameters
Background
Personality
Skills
Noble Phantasm
Last edited by King of Padoru; May 15th, 2018 at 02:46 PM.
AWAKEN MY RULERS
You can't justify him having EX ranked Ninjutsu and Presence Concealment simply by saying that he's 'the greatest ninja'. What kind of 'great ninja' fell to a fricking bear trap?
I think you wanked him a bit too much, without good reason other than 'he's the model ninja blah blah'
I dont know, the guy is basically the ideal of a ninja viewed by the eyes of children, i think is fair that he is wanked.
But maybe pressent concealment can be A, with a note that is lowered by his recklessness.
here is a list of my servant sheets(new and improved format for my servant sheets)
Come explore the White Library, and reach the bottom of this Abyss
Fate / White Memoria
Short introduction before my following Pharaoh servant Profile:In myconstruction are Qualifying the most Pharaohs as Caster and /or Rider in one way,Archers are also quite many ,although the most Pharaohs had skills with the Sword ,there are rather few who are qualified as Saber,the Qualification to the Berserker-class are more Exceptions as the Rule similar is it with the Assasin-class.OLancer under the Pharaohs are nearly the Absolute Exception.
Sethos I
(Saber)
Background:He was the most important Emporer of the twelfth dynasty,he was Born presumably in the old Egypt vilage Hut-waret,as he was at the age of 12 he traveled around the area of hhis home once he encountered in a oasis a pack lepards(one of them was even a Panther) who attacked him,he could defend himself with his Khopesh and was able to get nearly uninjured out of this incident .Unknown to him was the Panther the old Egypt Deity/Goddess Sekhmet who granted Sethos her Blessings and consecrated his Khopesh(Sword).He trained his Skills and that what today can be martial-prowess called. At the Age of 25 gained he his adult Name in a inications-rite , for this Ritual he sacrified his (now)sacred Sword and some of his own Flesh and blood from himself ,moved by ths high tribut he was gifted from Seth personal with his new Sword: Rsatechu a Divine Sword that holds shards of his Divine-Might .Few years after the Event was throned as Men-maat-Re(Lasting is the world order of Re).He became such a strong Warrior that he precipate the Nubien Rebelion in one week virtually alone.One some Occasion he defeated Aphophis and was bitten by her although he was able to life ten years thank divine intervention with the cursed venom of the Dragon ,robe his Ka(old-egypt term for Liveforce) away and he finally died.
Appearance:He is a strongly build (of modern Standards viewed) average tall Man.He has middle-back lenght smooth Hair with some spiky wisps,He has brownish Skin and amber Eyes with a Green shine in the light.He wears a beige -Brown cloak ,arm protecters and armor-boots.
Personality:
He was a understanding,encouranging Emporer,He has a calm Demeanor and loosed it only if his Family or Kingdom is in Danger,then he became quite fast angered.His fighting Spirit can be compared with the of Chuchulin.Towards his Master he would act like in a encouraging,relaxed wayay(quite like Iskandar)
Abilities:
Strenght:B+
Endurance:C
Agility:B
Mana:A
Luck:A
Nobelphantasm:EX
His Skills:
Magic Resistence:A+
Riding:A
Personal Skills:
Affection of Sekhmet:Ex
It donates sethos Battle Continuation Rank B+,Mental Purification C(immunity against Mental interferences ),Poison Resistance Rank A+,Hieroglyph-Magecraft Rank C-,Eye of mind true (true) Rank C.
This are the Gifts of the Goddes Sekhmet.
Divinty:Rank C+
He received this Grade of Divinty through the exchanging of flesh with Seth.It grants him protection against Divine traited attacks.
Charisma:Rank B++.
Instinct:Rank A+
Hougu:
Rsatechu :a Gold Sword in eurpoean stly shaped sword that contains the Khopesh-Sword of Sethos own Blood and Flesh methamorfed into Seths divine flesh. The Sword bears nine Divine Seals and when he recite his Nebtiname :Wehem-mesut-sechem-chepes-der-pedjet-9 he can break one of the Seals then flows Seths Power out which make it Darker ,Change his shape slightly and Reiju like Patterns are showing up,then he using this power in a similar to Enuma-Elish like attack .With each seal-breaking becomes this attack stronger here is a power-scale(s=seal breaking):0.s=clarent/Balmung,2,s=Excaliber,5=shown Enuma Elish from stay night,7-8=Vasavi Shakti ,Then he can evoke the attack just with the calling of its true Name.with each breaking changes the Sword ist shape into a Black-flesh-like Sabre after the breaing of the last Seal ist emit/radiate Seth pure force and execute the summoning of Seth after some amount of time in this state its power could matching the full power of Ea and can crush a Reality Marble.He can use the Markings in Reiju like usage-Pattern to bost his states or to operate Divine Wonders Equal to true Magic.
He has also qualifications as Rider or Archer.
Please tell me how good it is.
Last edited by Kabalisto Koga; March 2nd, 2018 at 09:20 PM.
He was in the Meiji era what Saitama or Goku can be right now: an absurdly OP character that looks invincible because he's as strong as the author wants him to be. So it's not really my fault that he's wanked, he was already wanked when I started writing the sheet. I can change PC's rank, but Ninjutsu at EX rank is practically the basis of Sasuke's character, I can't really make it lower
AWAKEN MY RULERS