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Thread: Monthly Create-A-Servant Contest

  1. #4341
    Grand Recorder DelRey's Avatar
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    Top Level Notes:
    You forced my hand. You have reawakened something from its slumber with your loud and obvious footsteps.

    "When mist condenses into water,
    fiction becomes reality.

    The sea is the origin of it all. The place where we were born and will return to. Where our greatest joy and greatest fear share the same space.

    The depths of the sea, the ocean floor, is both the most real and most fantastical space on Earth.

    This means that the truth lies at the bottom. And the truth is god."




    < - ⪻ - ⋘ - ⪡ - ⫷ -- ☧ -- ⫸ - ⪢ - ⋙ - ⪼ - >< - ⪻ - ⋘ - ⪡ - ⫷ -- ☧ -- ⫸ - ⪢ - ⋙ - ⪼ - >

    "Hello, Master. May I have a portion of you time to talk about God?"
    ~♬~


    F O R E I G N E R
    Smiling Pope of the Sunken Anchor
    = St. Clement I =
    ──

    First Ascension: Clement of Rome
    Second Ascension: Saint Clement
    Third Ascension: Pope Clement I
    Final Ascension: 'Father' Clement I

    Class
    Foreigner
    Alternative Classes
    Rider
    True Name
    St. Clement I
    Aliases
    Clement of Rome, Drowned Pope, Sunken Martyr
    Origin
    Rome, Crimea, Historical Fact & Rumors
    Height/Weight
    178cm/66kg
    Alignment
    Lawful Evil
    Attribute
    Human

    STR END AGI MAN LCK
    C B C C B

    Likes
    his faith, the Holy Father, the depths, fish and bread, unity
    Dislikes
    sunshine, arguments, disobedience
    Talent
    converting to his faith, swimming
    Natural Enemy
    Katsushika Hokusai, Yang Guifei, Enheduanna-Nikkal, The Apostles
    Armament
    shroud, tentacles, anchor
    Catalyst
    an old anchor from Crimea

    Due to the nature of his creation, he prefers a style more in line with Western Fashion of the early 20th century.


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    < - ⪻ - ⪡ - ⫷ -- Class Skills -- ⫸ - ⪢ - ⪼ - >Class Skills

    Territory Creation B+
    Where Foreigner's body touched the seafloor, a divinely built shrine appeared. Or was it there before?
    Every year the tides would part for one day so believers could visit it for prayers. One year a mother forgot her child in it and looked on as the sea claimed the place of prayer and the girl for itself. But the next year the child emerged well and healthy from the doors of the wet shrine. Foreigner can build such a place of worship that gains additional properties when created underwater. A strange architecture of unknown geometry, vaguely inspired by Crimean design.

    Insanity B
    Is Foreigner devoured by Madness? Or did he devour it himself?
    In his never-ceasing smile is no ill will, no malicious intention. Foreigner is thankful and praises the Father and spreads the word…the word that was born inside the depths.
    Foreigner is grateful for every foul fish he may enjoy as a meal and every drop of cursed water he is blessed to receive as a sweet drink.

    Divinity A+
    The touch of something divine. Foreigner was one of the first that would hold the title of Pope and acquired a low rank in Divinity because of it. But through the blessing of the 'Holy Father', the rank increased.
    The smell of grotesque seas and rotting fish cling to the shining aura of the Saint. An unnatural presence that crawls inside the husk of a pagan god.

    Existence Outside the Domain A-
    The god that swims through a watery abyss and black chaos is beyond the scope of humanity. He dwells in the realm of God before the creation of Heaven and Earth and Light. The ocean before Genesis is his domain and with strange currents, The Father brought it back into our world. The mixing with the waters of the Earth lowered the rank. But the deep sea remains the most mysterious place on the planet…



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    < - ⪻ - ⪡ - ⫷ -- Personal Skills -- ⫸ - ⪢ - ⪼ - >Personal Skills

    Tainted Miracle B
    Foreigner can perform various miracles such as creating a spring of water for thirsty workers, imitate the Feeding of Multitude by multiplying fish and bread, and protect children from catastrophe. The miracles he performs are emanations of the 'Holy Father' and his blessings. Each multiplied meal is viler than the last but how come its allure is so delicious?
    The skill bears traces of the Innocent Monster Skill. Someone of importance of which little is remembered, used as a door to breach through the surface of reality.

    Saint of the Depths B
    Indicates being acknowledged as a Saint.
    Foreigner is the third Pope in history, an Apostolic Father and a Saint, granting him a high rank.
    It increases Foreigner's healing factor, the effectiveness of sacraments, and his Epistles of the Sunken Father Skill.
    He can impart blessings as a Saint of Mariners which includes a short immunity to drowning and a modulation of Luck so that they be graced by the Father's love.
    But this results, more often than not, in a lowering in their Luck and Endurance at sea, so they may sink beneath the waves and live long enough to reach the bottom.
    The creation of a holy shroud is possible which Foreigner already wears. A soaked blue mantle of the obnoxious waters from the depts of the sea supports him in his task to spread the word of the Father and bring peace to the Kingdom of God. He describes it as "the caring embrace of the Father" as tentacles of rotten liquids creep upon his limbs.



    Epistles of the Sunken Father B+
    The First Epistle of Clement is a letter to the Corinthian Church in which dissension recently arose. In it, he urges for peace and established the basis for apostolic succession and the structure of the church necessary to organize and survive the trying times early Christians had to endure. His writing marked the character of the Roman Church.
    A rhetoric skill that Foreigner uses to call for unity. His words enhance the concept of societal structure and solve disputes accordingly. As such the skill is effective against those of Christian Faith, bar other Saints and the Apostles, and can rally them to revere him as the Pope.
    His sermons have the goal to refine the inner spirit of listeners. It is the accumulation of his life as a preacher who converted thousands.
    With him he carries the mentioned epistles, moist and spoiled vellum, smelling like brackish water and filled with a language of maritime symbols only he can understand. If he recites the content, the tentacles on his back quiver and position themselves to mimic the St. Clement Cross.



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    < - ⪻ - ⪡ - ⫷ -- Noble Phantasm -- ⫸ - ⪢ - ⪼ - >Noble Phantasm

    "Are you not yet convinced of my preachings?" asks Foreigner with a smirk. "Do not worry, perhaps I should make myself more clear." He opens his Epistles and the atmosphere darkens. "I will bring you closer to god." Only his red glasses reflect light from the unnatural dark silhouette of the smiling pope.

    Martyr's Sinking Cross
    Drowning in the Black Sea




    Foreigner throws his Eldritch Holy Shroud into the foreboding sky of clouds with the same blood-tinted hue as his glasses. The tentacles that live inside the cloak crawl their way through the blanket of mist in the sky in newfound enormity.
    Foreigner begins reciting a beautiful prayer in a language no one can comprehend yet drives them all to shed black tears.
    From the midst of the convulsing extremities falls an anchor in front of Foreigner. It is the one that was bound to his neck and dragged him into the depths of the Black Sea.
    Upon impact a spring of black holy water sprouts from the anchor that fills the area and heals Foreigner. Rotting fish and tentacles bubble from the wet surface of the mushy and goo-like substance that replaced the soil, vividly winding in pain. A stench fills the atmosphere that would make even the strongest of stomaches unload its contents. Foreigner ends his prayer, kisses his rosary, and smiles. Oh this smile, never was it so unnerving…
    The anchor suddenly sinks beneath the abhorrent wet mire and an aquatic mana chain appears around the victim's neck that drags them along.
    The target sinks beneath the shadowy waves with death and blasphemy as their currents.
    In the blackness of the waters, they hear and feel the presence of forgotten evils, hiding inside the clouds of conscious algae, and whisper echoes of ancient eons' secrets through the endless nothingness. Foreigner swims beside them, laughing and praying, ensuring them that this is nothing to be feared. The anchor sinks deeper and deeper toward the ocean floor covered in the decomposing remains of a forgotten incomprehensible species that wrestled with the whales.
    It falls in front of a divinely built shrine of unknown and impossible architecture with the same language inscribed on the exterior as the content of his blighted texts. The gates to it open and reveal a deep green vortex of chaos and tranquility.
    From it, the tentacles from Foreigner's cape reemerge and grab onto his whole body. 'The embrace of god' drags him into the portal while smiling at you with eyes that tell you of his kindness. You will join him, come what may.



    Mercilessly the currents tow the victim into the churning gyre like a starving maw of Charybdis.
    They may scream and struggle but to no avail. The love and embrace of the Father will devour them. The door closes before their eyes, observed by millions of dark and glassy gazes in the deep.
    As the door shuts close, their eyes open.
    It was a nightmare, a black dream both shared.

    "Shhh...let this be our little secret, my friend." he whispers while you still see the horrors you witnessed before your very eyes.



    How the target awakens depends on their own will and power to resist this experience.
    In an eldritch dimension where everything is of putrid water, even time, the perception of it can be manipulated if one exerts control over the element. To make a child experience one year inside the Black Sea like mere seconds is not that different from letting a misguided opponent experience a few seconds like a whole year. What happened inside this dream is impossible to tell but there can only be two outcomes. The target is released and accepted the love of the Holy Father …or is in need of one more year…
    The followers who invited the grace of the Father into their lungs realized that they were made in god's image. Soon they shall transform to make it true…

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    < - ⪻ - ⪡ - ⫷ -- Lore and Background -- ⫸ - ⪢ - ⪼ - >Lore and Background

    The Outer God using Foreigner is Dagon. An Outer God of Unimaginable Depths that swims in the liminal spaces of reality. When the crazed writer named the Evil Beings outside reality, a gate opened for Dagon to infiltrate this world. His name was inspired by a Philistine deity named Dagan, an important deity of which little is remembered. He was a Fertility God of prosperity and a provider of grain. But his legacy got misconstrued. When a commentator in the 11th century read the bible and gave context to the god whose idol statue was felled and bowed before the Ark of the Covenant, he suggested his name derived from "fish". Two centuries later a translation echoed the mistake and claimed he had the form of a being half-man, half-fish. The misunderstanding led to the false attribution of depictions of the merman monster of Tiamat, called Kulullu, strengthening the curse on the god. The mistake was accepted for centuries, until the 20th century the notion was questioned. Nowadays no scholar would support the idea of Dagan being a god of the sea but the damage was done. The crazed writer took inspiration and cultivated the image of a forgotten god the ancients worshipped. Fiction became stronger than reality and to this day people repeat the image of Dagon as fact.
    To add insult to injury, conspiracy theorists compared the headdress worn by the supposed "Dagon" to the Catholic miter the pope wears. They claim the largest religion in the world secretly commits idolatry and worships the very god of whom they destroyed his temples.
    It is the perfect connection for the Evil God to use. But the raging earthly deity fought and resisted.
    They had their own plans that would sever to channel to the Evil Beast of the Depths. But through Chaldea's involvement in the recent maritime event, they were weakened. Only a husk of themselves, the Outer God could finally take over and hijack their Saint Graph.
    The wishes of the Evil God were laid out, the concepts were established.
    A man from the depths. A man with the position to convince the world of his worship. A man who is a 'Father'. A man who is a mystery. The choice was clear: Clement I.

    Not much is known about the one that would be called a Pope and Saint by future generations.
    Clement was probably a Gentile Christian from Rome. It is suggested he was a follower of and was schooled by the Saints Peter and Paul. He was mentioned by name in Philippians 4:3 as a fellow laborer of the gospel by Paul. He began as a missionary, preaching the word of the crucified Jesus Christ, and was later ordained Bishop of Rome by apostle Peter. Here it becomes unclear who became the how many popes. It is likely that Peter decided Clement shall become his direct successor but due to his youth decided to decline the position for several decades. Most commonly he is listed as the fourth pontiff after Peter, Linus, and Anacletus.
    In the last decade of the first Christian century, a schism developed in the local church of Corinth. He wrote them a letter and came to the conclusion that jealousy and a lack of discipline to follow the elders were the problems. He urged for peace and unity and succeeded. After the New Testament, his letter would become the influential Christian writing in the first century and was considered canon by the Christians for a few hundred years. This made him an Apostolic Father who was considered an early pillar for the young religion in the absence of those who lived with Jesus himself and a bridge between the Age of Apostles and the Age of Martyrs.
    Despite decades of bloody persecution against Christians by Roman Emperors, it was said he converted hundreds of new followers to his faith. Angered by this, Clement was exiled and forced to work in a Marble mine in Crimea with other prisoners and exiled believers.
    There, in the sun's heat, the workers suffered from thirst. The next spring was a few miles away and the guards did not treat the inmates well. So Clement prayed and saw a lamb on a hill, digging in the ground. He dug a hole there and uncovered a freshwater spring which quenched the thirst of two-thousand workers and converted many to Christianity for this miracle.
    In retribution for this act, Trajan had Clement bound to an anchor and thrown into the Black Sea in 101 AD. A shrine of white marble miraculously encased his corpse; each year when the tide receded some two miles this shrine containing the martyr's bones were said to become visible to those on shore.
    This made him the Saint of Mariners and Marble workers. But his life is still mysterious. It was suggested that Paul did not mean Clement I in the Philippians and may have been another Consul. His famous letters had the signature of the Roman Church and did not carry his name. It was attributed to him alone. The earliest sources on his life did not mention his way of death and it may have been a confusion with another contemporary Clement. Several hundred years later St. Cyril found human remains buried with an anchor on dry land, claiming they are the relics of Clement which now rest in Rome. But the same is claimed by a Church in Kyiv, Ukraine.
    The image we have of St. Clement I is a patchwork and is uncertain despite his tremendous role in the developing religion that would change the world. The Outer God used this and formed a Saint Graph of rumors, infused it with the husk of a god known to have submitted to 'the Father', and created a vessel to enter our reality.



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    < - ⪻ - ⪡ - ⫷ -- Quotes and Relationships -- ⫸ - ⪢ - ⪼ - >Quotes and Relationships

    Foreigner's goal is to spread the word of god and form the people to the likeness of them.
    The followers of god will evolve and swim back to their origin. With an army of glassy-eyed and webbed-taloned humanoids of greyish skin, a congregation of the underwater faith will rise from beneath the billows to bring peace to this war-exhausted species. Foreigner wishes for nothing more than peace inside his church and we all are his faithful. God created himself inside the undulating waters of chaos. Heaven awaits in the depths of Genesis. Men were created in God's likeness. Men evolved from fish. They are the same history. That is the 'truth' he tells.

    "I am just a humble man in service of a greater good. Peace among fellow believers is the goal that I pursue. For that, one needs to follow the words of the one wiser than you. I believe in hierarchy. All were created equal under god but everyone has their role to fulfill. Some were called to lead and be channels for the god's will. It is their duty to enforce the teachings of faith and point to the other believer's sins, so they can repent and learn. We all are of equal worth but do follow the words of the one below you.
    Oh, you wonder about my choice of words? Hierarchy...people wish to say that they need to 'climb'. But that is unnatural. All things wish to be closer to god. The rain that falls from heaven and flows towards the ocean, the stone that sinks to the seafloor...that is where God resides. That is why fire rises to the top. It longs to return to hell."


    "We misunderstood his teachings, it was obvious from the beginning. The Savior told the Fishermen "Come after me, and I will make you fishers for men." and made them his apostles. The Ichthys, the multiplication of fish, baptism by water, water to wine, walking on water, the swallowing of Jonah...It is my duty to rectify the Church."

    "Thalassophobia. The fear of the ocean's depth. The frightening vastness of the sea, expanding in its silent emptiness. People fear it because it a representation of their deep unconscious. Our mind and the ocean are unfathomable because they are part of God's domain.
    So if we want to find to God, we have to understand ourselves. To understand ourselves we have to understand the sea. And when we understand the sea, we reach God. So do not fear, Master. Drown in his love."

    "To drown was a blessing. You feel a weightlessness, freeing you from all your spiritual and bodily burdens. And it is like...coming home. The cradle of our species is the church of creation. You return to your origin and embrace it with all your love. The waters are the essence of god, why struggle to let it flow in you? The anguish you feel is a burden to test your resolve and faith. Breathe it in. To live is to deepen the understanding of yourself. We all knew deep down why we fear the ocean...we feared ourselves because the unbroken blue represents our mortal mind. Tranquil and stormy, with monsters we can not hope to conquer without the help of the lord. But God resides within all of us. Our mind and body. So to reach true spiritual enlightenment you have to take the leap of faith into the waves. Then, only then, you may be reborn as a true believer. One that returned from the Deep..."

    "Drink, Master of Chaldea, the water that sprang forth from the holy lamb on top of the hill. Eat, Savior of Human Order, let us break bread, the body of Christ, and eat fish, the name of the lord. Please, eat and drink your fill. We have enough of it." he says with a smile of no ill intent. He pours you putrid water from foreign unknown depths and vile bread of color never seen before. The fish still breathe and sing their praises to the 'Father of the Sea'. But you can not refuse the gentleness and the allure and smell of the feast that sits before you. "Thank God for this gracious and delicious meal," you answer and consume the blasphemy with greedy bites.


    Yang Guifei:
    "See here. The fires of harlotry and ruin bless a misbegotten heathen woman. Repent and allow my God to wash away the filth and stench that clings on you from the candle lit for the devil up high."

    Katsushika Hokusai:
    "Poor soul. It saddens me to see a young girl fall for the false god. Idolatry is a sin, the devil presents himself in the likeness of God to deceive the unwise and naive. Come and listen to my words, you will find the true answer that awaited in the depths your father has found."

    Jacques de Molay (Foreigner):
    "It makes me uncomfortable to hear her words, Master. She claims kinship. I only see the misguided soul of a cult that lost its way. Walk away from the womb that bears unutterable hideousness. Forsake the 'False Mother', embrace the 'True Father'. He offers you another 'Mother' to worship too. A privilege, she is the only god he tolerates beside him."

    Sir John Franklin:
    "You endured so much hardship. Your faith was unbroken and god was willing to meet you. But a sinister demon intervened and sullied the water to become twisted ice. Do not listen to the Wind Walker! Listen to the waves and find a home. God is not in heaven, nor in the North, he resides within all things...within the deep."

    Enheduanna-Nikkal:
    "Ancient Witchcraft. An abomination of devil-infused grain that sings her demonic praises. Her songs fall on deaf ears for me. But whenever I see her...it is as if something cries for their mother. I must steel myself in faith."


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    < - ⪻ - ⪡ - ⫷ -- Craft Essence -- ⫸ - ⪢ - ⪼ - >Craft Essence

    Dark Reflections



    When mist condenses into water, fiction becomes reality.
    It may condense on a surface of reality or in rare cases condense on its own, creating something real in a malformed likeness.
    But as a distillation of fiction it has an easy time to condense on surfaces of fantasy. Then the mist condenses into blackening ink.
    It falls into the ocean of facts and threatens to boil the ocean so it all becomes the twisted fantasy it desires.

    When this droplet of ink formed and fell to the surface. for a brief moment it saw itself in the reflection. Oh what a twisted mirror image it would become. If it would have just fallen into the Holy Water and be cleansed.


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    < - ⪻ - ⪡ - ⫷ -- Notes -- ⫸ - ⪢ - ⪼ - >Notes:
    Praise the lord, I have returned to fight for my throne. Say hello to my friend Kleken from Alchemy Stars. Isnt he cool?
    Im actually nervous posting this one. It's been a while since I did a new Foreigner and my Christmas foreigner didn't get any attention. So even if I do not get any votes, (which is most likely with so many bangers this contest) I hope to get at least some feedback.

    This was a funny timing. This was in the making since the 3rd. Ten days later dagons involvement in the current FGO event is revealed. Had to rewrite a bit.
    Imagine being a fertility god, making grain, its not much but honest work. Your stuff and role is forgotten over time, your temples get desecrated by worshipers of a new God, they mistranslate your name, turn you into a fish/merman, then some weirdo appears and says you are a Giga weirdo, the public accepts it despite it being clear now you are no fish god. Then somehow this Outer God of fantasy wants your saint graph, you resist, you have enough, you try to fix things, create a closed ecosystem without actually harming anyone, Chaldea arrives, fucks you up, you weaken and the Outer God can take your graph and put him into a guy that is part of the cult that destroyed yours and gathers people to make a new cult that worships your name, but not you. #JusticeForDagan

    The religion shtick derived from this nonsense. Add that 'pope' means 'father' and the idea formed.

    The intro pic is an AI-generated picture of "Thalassophobia".
    If one did not notice the subtext of the CE, it is my interpretation of Innocent Monster Foreigners. See Foreigner Molay.

    In FGO i would imagine him as a tanky foreigner with healing and debuffs. Fighting would be the typical water pressure beams from his tentacles, summoning his anchor to hit people, opening the green vortices to release deep sea water, and throwing his mantle at opponents so the tentacles tear them apart, etc. It would be elegant nonetheless.

    Here some design that could change with each ascension

    Last edited by DelRey; January 25th, 2023 at 02:31 PM.
    "Let's see the color of your coin, my friend."



    Behold my vault of Heroes.
    Where the Heavens and the Abyss breath the Music of Humanity.


    The King's duty is to provide. And provide, I shall.
    University of Formatting | Gallery of Potential | Memorandum of the Extra Class Kings

    Our Kingdom will grow. And we shall know each citizen.
    Create-a-Servant 4 soon.

  2. #4342
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    "That man died alone in an unmarked grave... I can't forgive a God who'd allow such a thing. Ah, excuse my reminiscing Master... Servant Assassin, at your service. Just as I protected the prophet in the past, I promise I'll be your sword and shield. This time, I won't let even the Lord above take him from me."

    Assassin of Scarlet Matrimony:

    Appearance:

    Source

    One day, when Moses had grown up, he went out to his people and looked on their burdens; and he saw an Egyptian beating a Hebrew, one of his people. He looked this way and that, and seeing no one he killed the Egyptian and hid him in the sand.True Name: Zipporah

    Alignment: Neutral Good

    Alternate Classes: Caster, Avenger

    Equipment: A simple wooden shepherd's staff that thrums with a remnant of divine power, and a flint dagger faintly stained in blood.


    Now the priest of Mid’ian had seven daughters; and they came and drew water, and filled the troughs to water their father’s flock. The shepherds came and drove them away; but Moses stood up and helped them, and watered their flock.Strength- E
    Agility- C
    Endurance- D+
    Mana- B
    Luck- D
    NP- A


    And Moses was content to dwell with the man, and he gave Moses his daughter Zippo’rah. She bore a son, and he called his name Gershom; for he said, “I have been a sojourner in a foreign land.”
    Personality: The Prophet's Wife, a woman who straddled the boundary of Mortal and Divine only for her husband to in the end send her away choosing to dedicate himself utterly to God. She is a reserved yet kind individual, who still cares deeply for Moses even after he left her behind. However Assassin bears a great deal of resentment against God for stealing her husband away from her. She finds the role He put upon Moses to be far too cruel, sacrificing his human bonds to fulfill the Lord's will only to never even be allowed to enter the Promised Land. Assassin can't comprehend how anyone could find worth and meaning in such a long, lonely struggle without even having your accomplishments commended at the end.

    She pities fellow chosen of God as deluded victims and will offer to use her Noble Phantasm to sever their connection to the Divine and "free" them from such an onerous burden. However Assassin will not force anyone to accept her salvation, as she ultimately respects people's freedom of will over their making decisions she approves of. Unlike her Avenger self who would recklessly seek to destroy all traces of the Divine that remind of her loss, Assassin will graciously yet sadly accept their refusal. She'll only use her Noble Phantasm forcibly if needed to defeat an opponent. Though she won't admit it, Assassin fell in love with her husband because he chose to become the prophet his people needed knowing full well how arduous it would be, so she admires others with similar burning conviction even as her heart breaks for the tragic fate that so often awaits them.

    Assassin's wish on the Holy Grail would be to rewrite history such that the Israelites were never enslaved in Egypt and so Moses would never need to walk the path of a prophet. That way they could be together without God tearing them apart. Deep down she's aware such a wish tramples on that person's conviction, but Assassin still can't bring herself to accept how Moses dedicated his life joyfully to God without ever regretting or wishing for a do-over.

    She's taken up a hobby of birdwatching and enjoys spending her time near bodies of water as they remind her of how she first met her husband.

    Relationships/Reactions:

    Jeanne D'arc: "Even knowing God didn't save you in the end, you still look back on your life without regret? You're a fool, but I can't hate you... because you're just like that man was," she says in a tone mixing fondness and resignation.

    Ramesses: "You could've stopped at any time. If not for your arrogant and foolish pride you could've called off that conflict that gave my husband so much grief. But you played the part of that God's good little puppet until the very end. I suppose as a woman of God I should be thanking you." Her voice drips with bitterness.

    Quirinus: "You ascended to the heavens without letting go of your human heart. I wonder... could he have reached a similar answer in the end?" she muses wistfully.

    Martha: "So you were taught the same style... um, this is a little embarrassing but... what would you say about a friendly sparring-match?" she asks while nervously blushing.

    Balaam: "Moses of the Gentiles... you don't know anything, about the hardships he struggled through or how in the midst of it all he strived to honor his people and faith. Your very existence is an insult to that legacy, and I won't allow you to begrime it any further!" she snarls with hatred.

    Likes: Moses, travelling, water, birds, chivalrous men
    Dislikes: God, arrogant bullies, her husband's stubbornness (sometimes)
    Talents: protecting the prophet, birdwatching, decisive action
    Natural Enemy: Moses


    So Moses took his wife and his sons and set them on an ass, and went back to the land of Egypt; and in his hand Moses took the rod of God.
    Class Skills:

    Presence Concealment- N/A
    Replaced by her Sheltering The Prophet Personal Skill.

    "I never killed anyone... at least, not in that way. So this Skill isn't fitting for me. But rest assured, if anyone threatens those precious to me I will do whatever it takes to protect them."


    At a lodging place on the way the LORD met him and sought to kill him. Then Zippo’rah took a flint and cut off her son’s foreskin, and touched Moses’ feet with it, and said, “Surely you are a bridegroom of blood to me!” So he let him alone. Then it was that she said, “You are a bridegroom of blood,” because of the circumcision.
    Personal Skills:

    Sheltering The Prophet- A
    A representation of the ten years she spent sheltering the prophet Moses in secret when he was thrown into a pit by her father Jethro for fleeing Pharaoh. Once freed from captivity he immediately asked for Assassin's hand in marriage taken in by her kindness. This Skill donates her Presence Concealment at rank C whenever she's acting to help someone. Furthermore Assassin can share this concealment with the subject of her protection to hide them from enemy attention. It also allows her to create food and water that refill the target's Mana when partaken (albeit this does not apply if Assassin herself is the one to consume it).

    "Just like he protected me back then at the watering hole, I decided I'd protect him in turn. I swore I wouldn't let the people I cared about slip away without ever being able to repay them. Hah, fat well that turned out huh Master...?"

    Golden Rule (Body)- B
    Expresses one's possession of a natural and perfect goddess-like body, preserving beauty. Tradition tells that Assassin was blessed by God to be the most beautiful woman in the World. Her beauty never decayed even in her old age. Assassin's epithet of "Kushit" referred to both her dark skin as well as her incredible beauty. This Skill makes Assassin immune to any factors that would tarnish her physical form. Scars heal over rapidly and effects that induce supernatural aging have no power on Assassin.

    "I don't care about being the most beautiful in the world, I was the most beautiful in his eyes and that was enough. At least, for a time."

    Jacob's Limbs- D+
    An ancient fighting style developed by the Father of Israel Jacob when he wrestled with an angel sent down to confront him by YHWH. It was passed down to his descendant Moses and finally Assassin herself. As a woman travelling alongside the prophet in foreign lands it goes without saying she would need a means to defend herself, so Moses taught her a portion of this style imparted by his great ancestor. While far from the level of her husband- who used this style to defeat the Angel of Death in his old age when the Lord sent it to claim his soul- she's still proficient enough to hold her own. Reflecting the style's origins in subduing an angel Assassin's barebodied strikes gain increased effectiveness against existences beyond human like divine, demonic and undead beings.

    "I still remember when he taught me these techniques on our travels. To be honest, those are some of my fondest memories together."

    Familiar (Bird)- C+
    Because her name means "Bird" in ancient Hebrew and she was sometimes equated to the Avian goddess Isis, Assassin can project her soul out in the form of a small blue bird. This bird can heal minor ailments, charm enemies/allies and shatter divine idols at rank C or lower. This reflects that she was given the name Zipporah because of her charm and how the blood of a bird purifies a home covered in leprosy much as she cleansed her father's house from idols. If the soul-bird is struck down Assassin will take one day to manifest it again.


    Now Jethro, Moses’ father-in-law, had taken Zippo’rah, Moses’ wife, after he had sent her away, and her two sons, of whom the name of the one was Gershom (for he said, “I have been a sojourner in a foreign land”), and the name of the other, Elie’zer (for he said, “The God of my father was my help, and delivered me from the sword of Pharaoh”
    Noble Phantasm:


    Hatan Damim Shiluheha
    And He Sent Away Zipporah The Cushite


    Rank: A

    Type: Anti-Unit (Anti-Mortal/Divine)

    "With this blow, heaven and earth are parted. Choose, and experience the same sorrow that my beloved did. Hatan Damim Shiluheha!"

    In sending away Assassin Moses decided once and for all between his duties as a man and prophet, ultimately choosing to eschew marriage and children as distractions to dedicate himself fully to the Lord's purpose. This can be considered the death of "Moses the human" and ascension of Israel's greatest prophet, which indirectly qualifies her for the Assassin Class. If Enkidu is the chains that bind heaven and earth then Assassin marks their severance.

    This Noble Phantasm takes the form of a simple flint ritual dagger she carries, the same one used in circumcising their son on the the road to Egypt. A Conceptual Weapon that crystallizes her role- even if unwilling- of "severing human and divine". It allows her to completely cut away either a target's divinity or mortality, albeit which side is lost unusually isn't determined by Assassin but decided by the target themselves when they're struck by this Noble Phantasm.

    Normally only a mundane- albeit sharp- dagger upon invoking the true name and slashing the opponent, it deals no physical damage but instead destabilizes the human and divine aspects within them. This does nothing on pure humans or Divine Spirits but for those with traits of both mortal and god it deals severe damage by sundering their Saint Graph. The only way to survive this Noble Phantasm is to fully choose either one's human or divine half, sacrificing abilities associated with the other side. Otherwise the warring aspects within them will tear the Servant's Saint Graph apart, immediately killing them.

    Potentially this could strengthen the target's abilities or even grant new ones related to the remaining side. For instance if she were to use this Noble Phantasm on Heracles he would have to choose between his mortal life completing the Twelve Labors or his ascension to Olympus after death. Committing to the former would induce a Saint Graph inversion to Alceides, sealing God Hand in return for King's Order while the latter would exchange his Divinity for Godly Divine Core and grant him a right to partake of divine Ambrosia from his wife Hebe the cupbearer of the gods. If used on Romulus she could theoretically ascend him to Grand Lancer Quirinus. For a Foreigner Servant Assassin could either sever their connection to the Evil God or result in them surrendering to it entirely.

    If the opponent has strongly conflicting mortal and divine aspects this Noble Phantasm could impose severe mental damage and heavily weaken them by forcing them to choose which is more important. Conversely it's a double-edged blade that could potentially empower her foes should they happen to be stronger in whatever side they ultimately pick.


    Then Moses let his father-in-law depart, and he went his way to his own country.
    Craft Essence

    Prophet's Legacy

    Source

    "To be honest, I always knew it was inevitable.

    He knew full well how heavy the Lord's burden was, and that the people would often be ungrateful.
    He agonized, was uncertain and hesitated yet...

    In the end, he would always march forward with a confident smile, driven by the thought of shepherding his people to a land where they could live in freedom.
    Stupid. He was such a fool.
    He took everything on himself even though no one asked him to play such a grand role.
    Even though his friends and family would've been happy to have him just as a father and husband.
    'At least give a thought to the ones your leaving behind, idiot!' I felt like shouting that to him countless times.

    Such a fool. And yet...
    He was a really kind person.
    If we met again, I wish I could say that and see him smile, even just one more time..."





    So I decided to try my hand at my own prompt anyways since there is precedent for that from a while back. Experimented with a style more like Baron Magnus' since the amount of Bible verses happened to line up perfectly. I don't expect to win this one (I mean that'd be pretty weird) but as usual comments and critiques are welcome. Thanks for reading y'all!

  3. #4343
    Not a day over sixty and with the eyes of a cornered ferret. WhiteFrenzy's Avatar
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    Turns out there's such a thing as being overwhelmed by greatness. Sorry for the late comments, but there was just so much quality that it kinda... You know. Anyway, this is only a testament to the power of this prompt, that made everyone bring their A game.



    Jashobeam: LIKE, USING BEST BOY AS YOUR FC? It's already a winner in my eyes, pack up everyone we're done here.
    But then you actually took the time to kill me with an actual great character too, not only a pretty face? Now it's personal! I especially liked the way he's like, an anti-Gatekeeper character. That was so clever of you. And those NPs are so simple and yet so... Charming. Actually, I think this exemplifies this character to a T. He's very charming. I love him.

    "Paul of Tarsus" / Judas: MAN. Y'all are really trying to kill me handpicking only the bestest of boys as FCs to make my choice really hard this month, eh. Not that I'm complaining, keep 'em coming.
    But really, I liked this interpretation of Judas. (WHAT? A FAKER AND NOT A PRETENDER? IS THIS REAL LIFE??) I liked the way you weaved a story too, and I really enjoy when people try their hands into this elluding Nasu Lore because I could never, for one. I understand how you're dissatisfied with your character (it happens to the best of us) but honestly? I read your explanation and I sorta understood what the character represented, so I could appreaciate him for the coward he is.

    "Samson":
    What else is there to say, other than WOW?? What a cool take on this character, really!

    Judas: If the other Judas represented his cowardice, then this one represents his betrayal, and I think both do very good jobs highlithing these. This is such a cool take, and the paralels with Kirei are neat. His Skills and NP perfectly embodies this idea too, of a fucked up individual, and precisely because of that it's a thoroughly engrossing reading experience. I liked it very much!

    Ehud: LMAO awkward how after Eglon's appearance a few posts back this man comes in like, "welp round 2 it is". I enjoy the stone-faced, no-nonsense oji-sans so this man speaks to me. It's simple, and yet it's in this simplicity that lies the danger... Like, it seriously helps your case with how well you crafted these creative skills and this pretty cool NP too... He's definitely a Servant that I'll remember during the votes, that's for sure.



    PLEASE LET ME REST A LITTLE. I'LL CONTINUE SOON.
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  4. #4344
    死徒(上級)Greater Dead Apostle Spammin Spiff's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WhiteFrenzy View Post
    Turns out there's such a thing as being overwhelmed by greatness. Sorry for the late comments, but there was just so much quality that it kinda... You know. Anyway, this is only a testament to the power of this prompt, that made everyone bring their A game.
    I guess you can say that it's a new testament... get it?


    Quote Originally Posted by WhiteFrenzy View Post
    Ehud: LMAO awkward how after Eglon's appearance a few posts back this man comes in like, "welp round 2 it is". I enjoy the stone-faced, no-nonsense oji-sans so this man speaks to me. It's simple, and yet it's in this simplicity that lies the danger... Like, it seriously helps your case with how well you crafted these creative skills and this pretty cool NP too... He's definitely a Servant that I'll remember during the votes, that's for sure.
    Aye thanks, I appreciate your kind words. I do plan to rework his 2nd NP to fit his backstory a bit more eventually, but I'm glad you like him. Just wait until you see who I've got up next, mwahahaha

  5. #4345
    祖 Ancestor NMR-3's Avatar
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    jesus whitefrenzy you keep not reviewing Rehoboam and it's making me nervous as fuck
    The Adventure of the Velvet Room (Sherlock Holmes/Persona) (SB, FFN, AO3)

    Blog with all of my Servants so far.

  6. #4346
    Not a day over sixty and with the eyes of a cornered ferret. WhiteFrenzy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NMR-3 View Post
    jesus whitefrenzy you keep not reviewing Rehoboam and it's making me nervous as fuck
    WAIT, DID I SKIPPED HIM FCK ME?? <O>
    ——————
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  7. #4347
    邪魔 Spanner Random's Avatar
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    Sometimes you miss a 'beam. In situations like that, try raising your DEX.

    Fate\last call
    night, dawn, and the birth of stars

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    Recent: Ch. ■
    next arc: Spring 2024

  8. #4348
    死徒(下級)Lesser Dead Apostle Baron Magnus's Avatar
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    So here is my review of various entries, in no particular order. Done because I should've been doing this sooner and haven't due to pre-occupation.

    Our Lady of the Outer Realms
    I really like this sheet. It takes the atypical approach most foreigners have of the servant getting possessed for nefarious purposes... and then promptly squahses and reverses course, making the possessee become the possessor. With probably one of the most beloved figures in christianity ever.

    If it was just that this wouldn't have caught my attention so much. There's also the fact that this sheet is way more than just 'evil flower possesses innocent maiden'. I like how its implied mary visits the planet daily. I like that its implied that she's actually using the flowers evil for good. Can I sing more praises?

    Tower of Babel
    Honestly? The worst thing I can say about the tower is simply that I know where that first FC comes from and I think it alone would've done the sheet justice. That's the worst thing. Your skill choice and explanation was good and concise, your lore was excellent, and you even showed its personality splendidly.

    Rehoboam
    A king that's normal. I dunno. This just stuck out to me. I'm not gonna comment on the skills or lore or NP because I haven't finished reading them... but just his statement on things. It just... really stuck out to me. I like this sheet. I'm going to keep it in mind for voting I think.

    Asherah=Venus
    Lucifer

    I expected to hate this. When I saw it was god I did what I could mentally to stave off what I expected to feel... then... I dunno how else to say it but the sheet blew me away immediately. It's incredibly well written to start and its lore is pretty incredible. The character just oozes benevolent arrogance and epitomizes a Beast... just all in all its extremely well writing and content was incredibly different from what I expected.

    Jashobeam
    This sheet sticks out for a simple, childish, but personally funny reason. The name. It sounds like something from DBZ. Don't get me wrong everything else is really, really good and it has my eye but that name. The first time I saw it and laughed at how much like an attack name it sounded. Still that aside when I get to voting I'll definitely have something to say about this sheet then.

    Judas Iscariot
    A great compliment to my own coward. I have to thank you again for pointing out the lore and NP problems. I would've likely missed that they were wrong/incomplete.... and then allowing me a chance to reread it and fix some other problems overall. Now onto your sheet. I did notice someone didn't particularly like how you portrayed this Judas... but i'm of the opposite opinion. Servants are aspects of the heroic spirit.

    As such even if all his humanity is gone I can still enjoy it. This, to me, epitomizes the aspects of betrayal within Judas. From the skills to his NP to his goals everything screams betrayal. To others, to god, and even, in the end, himself. You wrote an incredible Judas. Kudos. He'll probably earn a vote from me.

    Zipporah
    How could I not notice someone saying they're trying out my style? How could I not notice someone executing it flawlessly? Great job. It also helps that the sheet itself is a very good sheet too. Good writing, good lore. Haven't read the skills or NP yet but I'll get there.

    That's it for now. I'm still reading entries and will try to get my views on them out before voting begins.... oh, and I'll update my sheets for the new entries.
    Rookie Lorekeeper, Amateur Extraordinaire, and all around nasunoob.




  9. #4349
    Knight of Excess HumanComplex's Avatar
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    Didn't really post for the past couple of days, so I'm just compiling one big review of sheets that I missed

    St. Clement: Honestly, a perfectly executed foreigner. One enraptured by those beyond him, based upon the delusion of twisting one's past. Loved the NP mimicking his death, only now pulling others with him. There's not a single complaint I have on him, but then this review would be pointless. The only suggestion I would make is perhaps emphasize more of Dagon's aspect within St. Clement, specifically on how the Outer God swim within the spaces of reality and fiction. Maybe make it a skill, but also insert St. Clement's history of drowning, making a contradictory skill where every time he uses the skill, he "sinks" but loves it as he's now closer to his god. Something like that, something about his thoughts on drowning, a bit of personality mixed in. Other than that, great work. Out of HumanComplex's Totally Unskewed Rankings, you get a...

    8.9!

    Zipporah: A great interpretation on a minor figure that I wouldn't ever think of. The skills were great, spotlights on Sheltering the Prophet and the personality is something I love. I've always had a weak spot for complex/contradictory personalities, and this one does well in that regard. As for the NP, it's a cool concept on its own, and I see the angle you're going for, mixing in her desires with her trump card, but it's just something I can't bring myself to accept. For such a minor figure, giving her that NP just doesn't feel right. Again, I can't really see anything else in her lore that would qualify as an NP, but this one feels just too much of a stretch for me. If I understand correctly, it wasn't her who decided whether or not Moses will stay human or ascend to a divine prophet, it was Moses himself or god dictating the events. She was just a symptom of the severance, not exactly a cause. For that, while nitpicky, just doesn't feel right. Maybe an NP that uses her hate to curse ascended humans to become human again would be more fitting? A random suggestion, but overall, a fantastic sheet. Out of HumanComplex's Totally Unskewed Rankings, you get a...

    8.2!

    Holy Queen Mary: Honestly, you had decent ideas, but the way you presented them feel barebones, without any of the personality that would fit the servant. As you said, a classic take on Mary, but a bit overdone. I would've either cutted half of the NP's and sublimate it under the skills Miracle and Saint, or just get rid of them entirely. This bring up another problem present in both the NPs and Skills, is just how vague it is. For me, bare descriptions on what a skill does is essentially saying, "I have an idea, but I'm not going to flesh it out." Anyways, the Dragon NP actually feel like an NP, unlike the other two I just mentioned, which should've been just skills, though again, barebones. The last NP is another ascending one, which is fine on its own, but just lack any of the grandeur others have. This NP should've been a premier example that uses the audience's imagination while describing it vividly, but listing out the effects just bring the awe down. Anyways, out of HumanComplex's Totally Unskewed Rankings, you get a...

    6.5!

    Updated Paul/Judas: After the potential promise of a vote, how can I not try to flatter your own sheet back? Jokes aside, the makeover over your sheet is definitely an improvement. All the skills were expanded upon, given more prose, just overall better. My only complaint now would be that the skills' effects are kinda general, but this is born out of my bias that personal skills should be, well, extremely personal and unique. As for the NP, I have to say, I'm a bit disappointed at the effects, but the justification given is a lot better, something I can follow, which in my eyes is the most important part of an NP. I get that to him, the thirty pieces of silver is akin to a curse, but I don't see why exactly it should effect others in the same way it affects him. Like, the thirty pieces of silver is something specific in his legend, and unless it imposes aspects of Judas onto whoever's holding it, the curse doesn't make full sense. The effect that would've made a better narrative would've probably been to induce mental effects of a sinner and all the negatives that come along with it (extreme guilt, knowing you betrayed all of humanity, suicidal thoughts, etc), as for Judas, it's the proof of his sin.

    Also, I'm a bit confused over the ranking down of parameters. Is it due to the skill Rejection From Humanity, or the NP? Because the NP says that if all thirty pieces is removed, he no longer have the rank down, but unless this is associated with the skill, which shouldn't even matter as it said on the skill it can't be removed, it parameter down should still stay there, right? Or is the parameter down something two-fold and they just stack upon each other, with the NP one only removed when all thirty pieces is gone, but the other one still stays there? Anyways, let's start your new ranking. Out of HumanComplex's Totally Unskewed Rankings, you get a...

    7.6!

    For sheets that I didn't mention, I'll try and make an review later on, but don't expect anything from me. Yesterday, I slept an full 12 hours, and I plan to do it again today.

  10. #4350
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HumanComplex View Post
    Zipporah: A great interpretation on a minor figure that I wouldn't ever think of. The skills were great, spotlights on Sheltering the Prophet and the personality is something I love. I've always had a weak spot for complex/contradictory personalities, and this one does well in that regard. As for the NP, it's a cool concept on its own, and I see the angle you're going for, mixing in her desires with her trump card, but it's just something I can't bring myself to accept. For such a minor figure, giving her that NP just doesn't feel right. Again, I can't really see anything else in her lore that would qualify as an NP, but this one feels just too much of a stretch for me. If I understand correctly, it wasn't her who decided whether or not Moses will stay human or ascend to a divine prophet, it was Moses himself or god dictating the events. She was just a symptom of the severance, not exactly a cause. For that, while nitpicky, just doesn't feel right. Maybe an NP that uses her hate to curse ascended humans to become human again would be more fitting? A random suggestion, but overall, a fantastic sheet. Out of HumanComplex's Totally Unskewed Rankings, you get a...

    8.2!
    Thanks for the feedback. The NP is admittedly a
    lot
    bit
    of a stretch but I figured given her role in the incident she could qualify for it even if she didn't actively do it. And the part you mentioned is the reason why she can't decide whether the target gets to stay mortal or divine (which is very unusual for a Servant not to be able to control their own NP's effect).

  11. #4351
    Knight of Excess HumanComplex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RoydGolden View Post
    Thanks for the feedback. The NP is admittedly a
    lot
    bit
    of a stretch but I figured given her role in the incident she could qualify for it even if she didn't actively do it. And the part you mentioned is the reason why she can't decide whether the target gets to stay mortal or divine (which is very unusual for a Servant not to be able to control their own NP's effect).
    So because of how indirect her role is, she can't control the effect? I think I understand the character a bit more now, I still think the legend behind it shouldn't affect something of an higher level, like someone with high divinity. Maybe a minor form of divinity, one that was acquired not from the direct heritage of one's parents of ancestors, but a belief from humans to be divine instead like Iskanders would fit a bit better. Something with conditions similar to Moses, perhaps? Anyways, now I like the NP more, I feel like an idiot not remember this part.

  12. #4352
    هههههههههههههههههههه Kamera's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NMR-3 View Post
    jesus humancomplex you keep not reviewing Adam and it's making me nervous as fuck
    .
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    Blindfold your eyes, so that the approaching night may strike no fear in you.
    Let it not burden your soul, nor numb your strides.

  13. #4353
    Knight of Excess HumanComplex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kamera View Post
    .
    Already gave a quick look, so far looks good. I'll give it a proper review soon, but...

    (obviously exaggerated dramatic noises) I can't help it, ya know! It's takes so much effort to review sheets upon sheet and give detailed analysis, and I, I've been sacrificing my sleep time, and, and

    ok, ok, I'll review it by the night.

  14. #4354
    هههههههههههههههههههه Kamera's Avatar
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    it's okay lol take your time.

    Sheet reviewing is an often thankless work, but nonetheless not something anyone should feel obliged to making or entitled to getting. On this topic, one thing I just recently realized is that I actually prefer simple but genuine reactions/feedbacks made spontaneously, than one that someone force themselves or is forced to do.

    That said, reviews are still a vital part of these CaS threads, so anyone making them are still heroes in their own right.
    Check out the officialTM Create-a-Servant discord server









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  15. #4355
    Knight of Excess HumanComplex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kamera View Post
    it's okay lol take your time.

    Sheet reviewing is an often thankless work, but nonetheless not something anyone should feel obliged to making or entitled to getting. On this topic, one thing I just recently realized is that I actually prefer simple but genuine reactions/feedbacks made spontaneously, than one that someone force themselves or is forced to do.

    That said, reviews are still a vital part of these CaS threads, so anyone making them are still heroes in their own right.
    Hmm, my perspective on reviews is a tad different from yours. I just presume most people would prefer a detailed analysis over a simple feedback or an encouraging "I like it". While it feels good to receive a compliment for all the work you did, it doesn't really offer much to help you improve on. As for forcing myself, yeah, I do force myself to make some of my reviews, but I can assure you that any praise or insults I make are genuine. I'm not the type of guy to half-arse things, and I genuinely enjoy seeing all these creatives takes, and to see if I can somehow expand on it in my own spin, or just offer some advice.

  16. #4356
    Grand Recorder DelRey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kamera View Post
    it's okay lol take your time.

    Sheet reviewing is an often thankless work, but nonetheless not something anyone should feel obliged to making or entitled to getting. On this topic, one thing I just recently realized is that I actually prefer simple but genuine reactions/feedbacks made spontaneously, than one that someone force themselves or is forced to do.

    That said, reviews are still a vital part of these CaS threads, so anyone making them are still heroes in their own right.
    I echo that in every point. Honest reactions are fine to get too and i sometimes hope to get some criticism as well.

    In terms of my reviews
    There are none.
    Since i mentioned i cant keep up i did not read any sheets and do that when the contest ends. I have to read from Bn's (probably excellent) sheet onward.
    But now is family easter time


    And thanks to the reviewers for my pope.
    Thx for the 8.9, HC! Is that the highest one yet? No, right?
    Regarding your idea: the thing is dagon has no real abilities in canon. The outer god is just a large deep one that rules on par with cthulhu. The flavortext i added is OG. But yeah more dynamic between them is a point that is lacking. The NP overall is probably the weakest point
    "Let's see the color of your coin, my friend."



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    Create-a-Servant 4 soon.

  17. #4357
    Knight of Excess HumanComplex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DelRey View Post
    I echo that in every point. Honest reactions are fine to get too and i sometimes hope to get some criticism as well.

    In terms of my reviews
    There are none.
    Since i mentioned i cant keep up i did not read any sheets and do that when the contest ends. I have to read from Bn's (probably excellent) sheet onward.
    But now is family easter time


    And thanks to the reviewers for my pope.
    Thx for the 8.9, HC! Is that the highest one yet? No, right?
    Regarding your idea: the thing is dagon has no real abilities in canon. The outer god is just a large deep one that rules on par with cthulhu. The flavortext i added is OG. But yeah more dynamic between them is a point that is lacking. The NP overall is probably the weakest point
    8.9 is the highest I’ve given so far, but that’s more out of just lurking for some time. Your sheet is just plain perfect, but plain nonetheless in the terms that there’s nothing that’s completely bonkers, nothing that perfectly encapsulates what I’m looking for in a sheet. For me, I wish to wowed beyond belief, something that make sense from the legend and fit well with Nasu lore, and while yours do well generally with tying Lovecraftian and Nasu lore, this one just doesn’t have that wow factor. The NP, while fitting and does well with his legend, is just a pretty obvious take, which is not your fault at all as there’s not really much to add on, it’s complete on it’s own, but yeah. I can’t give it beyond a 8.9, simply out of bias.

  18. #4358
    Knight of Excess HumanComplex's Avatar
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    Well, I'm a man of my words, even if I take it to the extreme. Kamera, here's your review

    Adam

    Well, starting of, the lore. I'm conflicted over the fact that the World created Adam and gave him the job of spreading Eden til he reaches the status of Ultimate One (which by itself, is finicky because of all the gods and elementals and dragons and whatnot). I personally believe in the God created man route over the World created man route (in terms of purpose) due to the biblical context, and how he got kicked out in the first place. You really didn't expand on the event beyond "it actually happened" nor go over what else happened after he got kicked and feeling shame. He's just kinda... pathetic, for the father of humanity, and while I get the characterization for the Beast, his motive is just really pathetic, flimsy. Not what I had in mind, but honestly? I don't mind, FGO already made Solomon what he is, and I'm fine with it. Though, one thing I'm against is giving him the job of guardian of the planet, he was suppose to be this dude that just lived in a utopia God or the World made, living in eternal bliss. You're kinda making him important before he was really relevant by giving him a duty, which if fine, but really funks up the history. Anyways, his principle of regret is one thing I enjoy, I can see it as a Sin of Mankind. It's similar to Tiamat's Regression, only difference is regret is more of a cause that the actual effect. Now onto the skills.

    Skills: The skills, in my opinion, had the highest highs and the lowest lows. My favorite was definitely Nega-Sapience, it highlights his Sin and desire, although the effect is something I believe could be expanded upon. The effects, while clear, weren't specific to where I would call a Nega skill. Some more flavor text about his twisted love of humanity that led him into negating their sentience, some imagery of what happens, yadda yadda. Eden Crown, while a good concept and wasn't executed poorly, was in my eyes a bit "misdirected". If we take the "natural state" of the World in Nasu lore, it would just be (to my knowledge) molten rocks and lava underneath all the layers and whatnot. The laws of physics is just Human Texture, the Reverse Side is a "dream" the World is having (heard from a thread, don't remember if it's just Avalon or the whole Reverse Side), and Eden, as an utopia, should just be a dream, an experiment of the World. Other than that, good skill, just would've like the actual effect beyond imposing Eden to be explained. Like, does imposing Eden mean he can't attack anymore like in Avalon? Image of God is, for a lack of better words, more stretched than Fanfic Shirous (ouch, sorry). Because he was created alongside the World, he became a World? Would that make Excalibur a World due to being created in the Soul of the Planet? Rhetorical question, the point is, I feel like this was a lazy attempt trying to copy Achilles's shield, in which I find better justification. First, this brings up lore issues like is God the World, and second, it detracts from him being the Father of Mankind. You could've used this skill to show the disparities and connection between God and Adam, or give insight what creation from God would be and what it meant (represent the paradoxical relationship that while humans are created in the image of God, we are still so separated, would it mean we can never surpass God in his image, etc), but you just tacked on a previous concept onto Adam. It's my biggest issue with this sheet, with how it uses something already seen, with possible justification at best.

    NP: Ok, I just have to say, I love the concept of the first NP, but felt the reasoning was off. As I said before, I don't totally agree with the idea Adam was given this purpose before birth because it destroys the idea that Humans started with nothing, yet still became the prime species (not exactly, I exaggerated it a bit, but you get my idea), but I just love how Adam's unending torture of erasing his children's future is presented. It's a perfect NP that ties in lore and personality, along with his despair, but I just can't agree that Adam is the one doing it. Or rather, given the task, I think a better narrative choice is to make this the end goal for Adam, rather then giving it to him outright. As for the second one, cool concept that's given mid reasoning. Suddenly he became an amnesiac that can only remember his happiness of his family by meeting Eve again? I also don't think the "embodiment of humanity" sword should be given to him as well, because from everything you wrote, he doesn't, in my eye, represent the premier human. This is a topic that can probably be debated on for centuries of "who's the most fit to represent humanity," but Adam as you wrote it and in legend, was pretty much an experiment of God/World that somehow screwed up and was punished for that. Not my first pick. If I were to do an NP based on suddenly remembering his humanity, it will probably be related to his nature of a being a Father of Humanity. As I said before, you can do pretty much anything with the concept of being first, such as having authority over the the thing, or creating more of that, or copying future versions.

    Besides that, nice Notes reference

    So, well, that was a rant and two-thirds. The sheet was high-concept, and naturally people will have different interpretations, and I just offered mine. Despite all my little nitpicks, I overall liked the sheet, and it may even get a vote out of me. Again, I'm not all in with how you tried to Nasu-fy the lore of Adam, but the end result was pretty good, and I did love some ideas. Out of HumanComplex's Totally Unskewed Rankings, you get...

    8.4/10!
    Last edited by HumanComplex; April 16th, 2022 at 10:56 PM.

  19. #4359
    A False Shadow Morg van Destro's Avatar
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    Pine once more showed we share braincells with his rendition of Mary, so I had to scrap that idea. Luckily, I have a few backups.


    I can't believe you summoned me. I can't even wield a weapon. Still, if your willing to choose me, you can trust that I will do everything I can to keep you safe.



    Class: Lover
    Other Classes:
    True Name: Ruth
    Alignment: Neutral Good
    Place of Origin: Moab
    Height: 168 cm.
    Weight: 67 kilo.
    Likes: Her family. Caring for others.
    Dislikes: Abandonment. Losing the ones she loves.
    Natural Enemy: Oprah


    Parameters:
    STR: E
    END: D
    AGI: E
    MGI: A
    LCK: A
    NP: EX


    Class Skills:
    Devotion (A):
    With the skill increasing in rank the more people they loved and the more impressive their 'acts of love' towards those people were. As a Servant this means that the greater the Servant's 'love' for their Master is, the higher the boost in all parameters they will receive.

    Short of anything that defies her morals, Lover will do whatever it takes to care for those she loves. She will abandon everything, even her own life and happiness, for the ones she loves.

    Object of Desire (B):
    A skill connected to the feelings of love and obsession which this servant inspires in someone else. It functions as a passive charm skill on the level of a mental attack. So much as being in the same place as a Lover servant can incite feelings of affection, obsession, protectiveness and lust.

    A woman who earned affection and protection without even saying a word, Lover naturally gives off the presence of one who should be cherished and helped.

    Personal Skills:
    Where You Go, I Will Go (A):
    Lover is able to arrive at her Master’s side at a moment’s notice no matter the circumstances. Be it across immense distances, alternate worlds, or magical barriers, Lover will always be where she is needed.

    Where You Lodge, I Will Lodge (B):
    This declaration acts as a commitment of power from Lover to any Bounded Field or similar phenomenon of her choosing, greatly enhancing and reinforcing its effects through the force of her love. However, should she leave the area, this enhancement will cease.

    Your People Will Be My People (B):
    A combination of both Powerless Shell and Espionage, this Skill allows Lover to seamlessly become a part of any group, neutral or enemy, without any hint of suspicion. Were she an assassin in temperament or ability, this Skill would be an immense boon.

    Your God Will Be My God (EX):
    A statement with far more power than Lover could have ever imagined. Rather than the simple dismissal of the importance of deities, Lover promised with complete sincerity that her mother’s god, whoever that was, would be hers, and one she would devote herself too as any believer would.

    A powerful protection that prevents debuffs for both her and her master from divine and demonic sources. However, it still leaves her vulnerable to those from a Biblical persuasion.

    Noble Phantasm
    The Book of Ruth: Love Never Fails (EX)
    Love

    Where you die, I will die—
    there will I be buried.
    May the Lord do thus and so to me,
    and more as well,
    if even death parts me from you!


    A tale of pure, unfailing love as powerful as it is simple. Two woman with no one else living for each other and finding grace in the arms of family. The titular Ruth stands at the center as a representation of the Biblical definition of love.

    This Noble Phantasm that only activates in death defies any negative fate that would befall Lover’s Master. It is her fervent last wish for nothing but the best for her Master manifesting as a protective force that will last for the duration of the Grail War. No harm will come to her Master, no force, even those that defy fate, rewrite the world, or manipulate space, can negatively impact her Master. She may not be able to fight for them or stand up to the legendary heroes that are brought against them, but she can do this much.

    While this Noble Phantasm activates automatically after death, it will not activate if Lover does not feel love for her Master. However, it is unlikely she’d even accept a summons from one she could not love.

    Lore

    Once, the king Eglon ruled over Moab and the Israelites, his wife bearing him two daughters. These two daughters were Oprah and Ruth, who would one day find themselves cast out from their riches after the assassination of their father. However, despite possessing nothing of worth, they would find themselves married to a pair of Israeli brothers who had recently lost their father Elimelech.

    The next decade, while less decadent than what they had before, was good. At least, it was for Ruth. Oprah had simply followed her younger sister and married to stay near her while Ruth did so for security as much as love. However, her feelings not only for her husband but his family grew with every passing year, growing especially close to Naomi, her mother-in-law.

    Sadly, both Oprah and Ruth’s husbands would follow their father into the afterlife, leaving the two women once more with nothing but each other, only with one more to share their sadness. Naomi, hearing that the famine that had driven her family from Bethlehem had passed, entreated her Moabite daughters-in-law to stay and find new husbands while she returned home.

    They both refused, but Naomi firmly said they had little reason to go as she could hardly be expected to give them new sons to marry and that, being Moabites, they would have to abandon all they knew and struggle against the prejudice that still lingered in Israel.

    Oprah, though grieved, chose to heed Naomi’s words, expecting her sister to do the same. However, Ruth could not bring herself to abandon Naomi. She implored her sister to come with them, but Oprah would not follow them, and so Ruth and Naomi traveled to Bethlehem with heavy hearts of all they had lost, taking comfort that they still had each other. Still, so great was Naomi’s grief that she changed her name to Mara, meaning bitter, as “the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me”.

    Ruth went to work as soon as they arrived, gleaning in wheat fields she was allowed so she may provide for both her and her mother. One such field was the property of a man named Boaz who took a liking to the woman, ensuring that she would glean much wheat during her time in his field.

    Upon Ruth telling Mara of the man, Naomi rejoiced as Boaz was a relative of her husband, meaning he was obligated by law to marry Ruth to carry on the inheritance. Following Naomi’s advice, she presented herself to Boaz, telling him of her relation to Elimelech. Boaz agreed to uphold his obligation, adding that he had also heard others praise Ruth and her conduct.

    So, she and Boaz were married, bearing a son that would eventually link her to David. In a cruel twist of fate, Oprah, the sister Ruth never forgot nor saw again, would become the human mother of Goliath who was slain by David.

    Still, that was in the future. For the rest of her days, Ruth did as she had dedicated herself to and cared for her family until her last breath.



    Personality

    Ruth is a natural mother and caregiver. One who deeply cherishes her family but is stern and not adverse to taking on a more commanding role when needed. She works hard to provide what they need and feels one of the greatest joys is for them to do so in turn.

    It’s hard on her with how much people in general are divided but knows it’s something she cannot change. She sees little purpose in division between people, likely born of her mindset that love can overcome any boundary, be it ideological or religious differences. In her mind, all she can do is set an example and hope others will follow.

    One such way is how she has taken on the role of head of her family at Chaldea. It is her policy that all members gather at least once a month for dinner and conversation, and she hopes to eventually bring it to once a week.

    In the highly unlikely event she were to survive till the end of a Grail War, her one wish would be that she had convinced Oprah to come with them so she could have her family all together in one place.



    Relationships

    Eglon (Caster): Father! You look so much healthier than the last time I saw you? Have you finally taken my advice and started eating better?

    Ehud (Assassin): Oh. You are the one who... killed my father.
    Things have become rather awkward. At least, Ruth feels awkward.

    David (Archer): I never had the chance to meet you, but look at you! King of Israel, just like your great-great grandfather. Oh, I just want to
    *hug*

    Goliath (Saber): Lean down and let me have a look at you. ...You have your mother's eyes, and her temper from what I've heard.

    Solomon: King of Magic! My family is capable of so many amazing things!

    Thetis: A love so familiar yet disparate. Still, family is truly a precious thing.

    Rosamund Clifford: Dear, please. Your love is hurting you more than anyone else.



    Craft Essence
    The Greatest of These

    If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal

    If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

    If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

    Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

    It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

    Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

    It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

    Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

    For we know in part and we prophesy in part,

    but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.

    When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.

    Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

    And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.





    I thought it was kinda funny her father and his killer were already posted, so it seemed like destiny I'd finally sit down to make her. Not an especially deep character from not an especially deep story, but I've always believed the simplest things are often the most powerful, and I adore the simple story of one woman who loved another.
    Do you like jazz short stories? Do you want something to distract from making Servants? Do you wish the idea of Shirou Kotomine didn't immediately bring edgelords to mind? Well, I can't promise it's good, but some would disagree with me.
    Fate/Without Justice

  20. #4360
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Ruth: So this is the woman whose verses are used in wedding vows to this day. Definitely a simple but sweet sheet that epitomizes "Platonic love". I like how you used her verses as Skill names giving a sense of narrative to the sheet.

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