Oh, I see! Cool stuff that link it well with Nasuverse lore, nice. And thank you.
Oh, I see! Cool stuff that link it well with Nasuverse lore, nice. And thank you.
well. time to do more reading aside from creepy death bird's.
Source: ChuyFlaco
Class: Alter Ego
Other Classes: Caster
True Name: Erzulie Freda
Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
Place of Origin: Vodou Pantheon
Stars: 5/5
Parameters:
STR: B
END: B
AGI: B
MGI: B
LCK: C
NP: A
Height: 178cm
Weight: 110lbs
Likes: Beauty, charity, bonds
Dislikes: Misogyny
Talent: Serving as a Loa
Natural Enemy: Louis XI
Attribute: Sky
Traits: Female, Humanoid, Divine
Armament: Seven Swords, Abebe Oshun
Catalyst: A depiction of her in her most syncretised state
Class Skills:
Magic Resistance A+: A tripartite deity naturally gains an extremely high rank of Magic Resistance, allowing her to ignore most modern magic.
Saint A: A skill bestowed by the Mater Dolorosa. Automatic HP Recovery has been granted, as well as a rank in Charisma.
Divine Core of the Goddess A: A skill bestowed by Oshun. The naturally perfected core of a true goddess.
Personal Skills:
Loa Possession A: Erzulie Freda was a very powerful Loa and as such gains this skill, allowing her to perform ritual possession at her will, choosing a target to inhabit. This becomes more effective when her targets are under some form of Sorrow effect.
Pheromones A+++: The natural charm of Erzulie Freda, becoming even more enhanced when combined with Oshun's natural powers. At this rank, every move she makes causes more people to fall hopelessly in love with her. She views this as the essence of who she is, a deity of love and of beauty.
Holy Ring B: The three wedding rings Erzulie Freda is commonly depicted with, fused with the Holy Ring of the Mater Dolorosa. An aura of protection and bonding that enshrouds her allies and brings them peace and unity, although she can take this away at will. She tends to not want to though.
Noble Phantasm(s):
Seven Swords
Mater Dolorosa
Type: Anti-Unit
Rank: A
Range: 10 meters
Max Targets: 1 target
The Swords of the Mater Dolorosa, one of the entities that makes up Alter Ego, and in this class takes fairly major prominence. They manifest as a Noble Phantasm in Alter Ego's possession, manifesting as a single sword at this time, wielding the idea of "sorrow", causing you to feel the "absence of the one you love most" deeply with every strike, no matter how close they are.
Abebe Oshun
Handfan of the River
Type: Anti-Army
Rank: A
Range: 10 meters
Max targets: 100 targets
The second primary entity that is superseding Alter Ego is Oshun, the orisha of love, rivers, beauty, and divinity. This manifests in the form of her primary object, her Abebe, a type of hand fan. When the true name is called, the fan brings forth the river in a torrential effect of love that creates sorrow.
Lore: Erzulie Freda is an influential Loa in the Vodou pantheon, associated with love, beauty, dancing, flowers, and jewelery. She is commonly tied and syncretised with two other entities: the Mater Dolorosa, the Sorrows of the Virgin Mary, and Oshun, the Orisha of love, beauty, divinity, and rivers.
Personality: A fickle and flirty person who loves romance. She hates those she views as "ugly", and also abhors things like spiders and rats. However, she also holds a far deeper and more sorrowful side, endlessly longing for the thing she needs most. However, she is unable to figure out what it is. Thus, that is her wish, to figure out what it is.
Relationships:
Louis XI: "A spider! A flirty spider! Get it away!"
Tsunade and Tagoto: "A marvelous couple!"
Big Bad Wolf: "A story? How wonderful. But... it's good to see that you know your desire."
Lola Montez: "Trust me, your spider dance won't enthrall everyone. And it won't get you what you want."
Caroline Lamb: "Your kind of 'Love' is not acceptable."
Nana Nenem
Once upon a time, there lived a man.
A Man who became a Soldier.
A Soldier who became a Saint.
A Saint who became a Hero.
His story is well known to all. The story of a man raised by a Witch who, wielding the Holy Sword Ascalon, slayed an evil dragon. Marked in history as one of its finest heroes. Immortalized as an icon who would survive until the modern era as a paragon of humanity’s virtues.
That man was called Georgios.
But this is not his story.
Que a Cuca vem Pegar
This is the story of a terrible beast, who in search for revenge, found a new lease in life.
A Dragon who became a Specter.
A Specter who became a Witch.
Hers is the story behind the great beast felled by Ascalon, and the death which lead to her own rebirth as her tale was brought along in the journey to what would be known as the ‘New World.’
A tale of passion.
Betrayal.
And murder.
“Alright, alright! That’s enough out of you!”
Wait, what?! I’m not done yet!
“Well I am! Don’t you know its rude to dig into a young lady’s past like that?! Seriously, I thought getting killed was bad enough. From now on, no more talking about Dragons, Heroes and Swords. I’m a changed woman!”
I mean… technically?
“Great! Now scoot! I’m taking over from here!”
“Ahem!”
“Greetings, ladies and gentlemen of Chaldea! I’m proud to announce the return of the most skilled babysitter this side of the Atlantic. Your very own Witch of the New World! Please hold your applause until the very end of the performance!”
“I look after children. I play games and I make sure they stay out of trouble as a good Maid should! So long as I am here, any and all mischief will be kept to a minimum and safety will be of the essence!”
“Mischievous children who don’t behave, of course. I also have no idea why people keep asking me about that Photography-Obsessed Saint. It’s not like we ever met or something like that. And quite frankly, I think he is too old to be thinking about romance!”
Once upon a time, there was a fairy.
A beautiful Fairy, who in her spare days, would wash by the river and laze under the light of the sun. She was indeed beautiful, a creature meant to be gazed upon with awe and desire. But at the same time, that meant there was nothing to her but the same boring everyday of her home.
So she left.
She left for a land unlike her own.
Filled with strange beings who while similar, lacked the same spark she did, but would, nonetheless see her beauty. It wasn’t only desire, but also admiration. A heartfelt, pure desire that she saw bloom within their hearts, all too different from her fellow spirits of nature.
Others saw her beauty as a matter of fact.
She was born beautiful. Thus, it was her sole responsibility to continue being beautiful.
But this world away from her home was different. Beauty wasn’t an expectation, it was something special to these beings whose eyes glimmered with desire as they gazed wishfully upon her in the vain hope that maybe they too could become creatures as flawless as her.
Until one stepped forth, asking for her hand.
She thought it endearing.
The novelty of the request was enough for her to accept the proposal, with but one condition attached to it. That the man who would become her husband would not gaze upon her while she bathed. A simple task, to be sure. The form she now wore was not the form she was born with, which was brought to the forefront by a simple bath.
The man, of course, accepted.
And for a time, all was well.
“It was fun, being a pampered Lady. For the first time in my life, I was truly treated as someone special, and not as someone whose sole reason for being was to be a beautiful visage. We had fun, and while my husband wasn’t as beautiful as some of the men I’ve come to know, he was quite thoughtful of me.”
Obviously, all good things come to an end.
It wasn’t even his fault
After decades of living together, all it took was a simple moment of forgetfulness for him to make a mistake. And so, when he entered my bath in hopes of catching me by surprise, he wasn’t ready to see the true nature of his darling wife, nor could he protect himself as the promise was broken and she was forced back to her original self.
“Goodness me, I had completely forgotten about the curse too. Living that long amongst humans will do that to you.”
Leaving the Land of Fairies had consequences after all.
Living that long amongst humans too, had consequences.
Rather than reverting to her original form, the curse she’d been saddled with turned her from a beautiful lady to a hideous monster with scales as strong as armor, claws as sharp as spears, fangs as wicked as scythes, wings that could bring about calamities, and a breath that stunk of death.
And fire.
There was a lot of fire.
It was, she regretted to say, an ugly divorce. A lot of screaming and objects getting thrown around. But she kept her daughters, so there was a silver lining to that whole debacle. The curse was set and she couldn’t revert back to her more beautiful form, meaning that from that point forward the Fairy Melusine might as well have died.
And the Dragon Coca was born.
“That’s the problem with names. You get a new one, suddenly it starts overwriting everything you are. You start getting new desires and wants, and even your memories can get fuzzy. So when I rampaged and was given this name, people started seeing me more as a dragon than as a Fairy.”
It was an annoyance, and for a time the Dragon Coca had very little idea of who it was or what it was meant to be doing. Instead, all it did was rampage through the countryside, moved by stories and tales told of her by humans. Creating a circle where humans would attribute natural disasters and misfortune to the Dragon and the Dragon would act out to bring even more disaster and misfortune into the world.
Until the day it died.
Well, death is a bit of a misnomer.
When a Fairy dies, usually one is reborn to take its place, matching their exact specifications and purpose within the world. Having been part of the human world for as long as she had, however, made Melusine incredibly susceptible to the influence that human belief had over her form and nature.
Never mind having tied herself to a number of families as a progenitor of sorts.
Her death at the hands of St. George, as such, didn’t so much kill her but render her into a formless specter tied to the land and its people. A mere memory skulking the edges of reality and fiction, seeking nothing, wanting nothing, a shadow drifting in the wind for decades.
If not centuries.
“I don’t really remember how I was as El Cucuy. Maybe I really did go after people to scare them? Being a formless specter was really boring. Making me a child snatcher was really tasteless, though. I was a mother! I love taking care of kids!”
She didn’t know when it happened.
It must have been somewhere down the line when tales of her spread beyond the boundaries of Europe and instead started growing in the New World, a place she’d never been, but that the people whom she haunted eventually moved to over the course of generations.
They brought with them El Cucuy.
They brought with them Coca and the tales of St. George.
But in this bubbling cauldron of cultures and legends, something else was born. Something new and exciting and beyond her wildest imaginations. A chance to be reborn not as a dragon or some vengeful specter, but as a new individual capable of living a brand new life.
Out with the old.
In with the new.
El Cucuy may have been dead, but in the New World, she had a new face to wear and a new body!
“It wasn’t that bad, you know? I was still being used to scare kids into behaving, but now I wasn’t a formless shadow. Being a Witch is… well… the best thing to happen to me since I went all hellfire on Europe. Sure, I still got some scales and I’m still meant to scare people. But now I’m less a vengeful spirit and more… a Fairy Tale, something fun and interesting.”
The closest she’d get to ever being herself again.
So she’d put up with being a punch clock villain. She’d put up with all the silliness that writers would put her through. Because it was fun. Because as she was now, she was but a harmless caregiver, her rough edges smoothed over by the tales weaved in her image.
More marketable, really.
And kid friendly to boot.
She liked it.
Forget about Mélusine. Forget about the Wicked Dragon. Forget about El Cucuy.
She was now Cuca.
The Witch of the New World.
“When a Lady changes her underwear, she leaves her past behind!”
That is the life philosophy of this eccentric but energetic Witch of the Woods. Having lived centuries amongst humans, sometimes as their friend, others as their enemy, her memories of the past are akin to an actress reminiscing about past roles, seeing them as nothing more than the skin shed by a snake as it grows new ones.
Of course, this current iteration of her is different from previous ones.
A bumbling Fairy Tale character whose purpose is to scare children into behaving, she is more akin to a babysitter who is trying to be stern with them, yet falls for the simplest of deceptions, running around in a panic trying to figure out where her charges might have run off to.
The part of her that is a boogeyman will sometimes surface as she comes up with infallible plans to crack down on mischief, but more often than not they turn out to be simple pranks that can be turned on her by any clever child.
“Why am I not scarier? Well, what kind of parent would want their children to actually go to bed scared? Maybe I was like that in the beginning but after Monteiro Lobato put my legend to paper, I stopped being a scary child-eating witch and became more of a neighborhood troublemaker that kids had to deal with on occasion.”
As it stands, she has enough leeway to act in ways she perceives to be constructive to the cause of ‘enforcing good behavior’. Though the case might be different if she were to revert to a previous way of thinking.
As far as her relationship with the Master goes, she sees him as an employer, or perhaps little brother of sorts. She is meant to keep children in line, but if the Master is already grown up, she’d treat them as someone not in need of her fussing, instead treating them as her boss.
If the Master is younger than her, however, she will take the stance of a mindful older sister who watches out for trouble. Obviously she will make sure you are taken care of. But if you misbehave or act out in ways that endanger your life she will move to protect you and then scold you for taking unnecessary risks.
“Look, saving the world is good and all, but aren’t you a little young to be doing that? Wasn’t there anyone older? What about your parents? No one else? Well…. guess I can’t leave you two alone if you’re gonna go around the New World without a map. There are scary folks out there. So leave fighting to your Big Sister Cuca!”
It is a strange thing.
To become someone new every time an old identity is shed. But for Cuca, it is the most natural thing in the world. Having tied herself to a human, she is still the same kind of person she was back when her name was Mélusine. It just so happens that with every incarnation, different aspects of her personality become stronger.
Some are more gentle and peaceful.
Others are spiteful and angry.
But if she genuinely hated humans, she would have taken off and left the world a long time ago. Instead, the stays in whatever form her legend takes, and whatever name she receives.
Because humans were the ones who valued her most.
And she values them in turn.
Dragonkind C
The Dragon’s Factor, a leftover from her time as the Dragon Coca. Its low rank manifests as aesthetic changes which prevent Cuca from taking a fully human form. It’s true usage, however, lies in its synergy with Cuca’s Noble Phantasm and Personal Skills, which cause her Rank as a Dragonkind to steadily rise until Cuca can no longer maintain human form and return to her previous self as a Phantasmal Beast.
Of course that means she will always be affected by Ascalon and other such Dragon Slaying blades regardless of the form she takes.
Increases own Buster performance by 6%
Reduces own damage taken by 140
Fae Eyes E
Fantastical eyes capable of seeing through deceit. Well, they would be if her proficiency at using them hadn’t dwindled after her stint as a demonic beast, and then as a lonesome witch of the woods. Though the ability is still available to her, it isn’t capable of seeing through all deceit. Rather it works only in minor bouts of mischief, useful for catching children pulling tricks and pranks, but not good anywhere else.
Why, if a child was to lie to her about something serious, even Cuca might end up buying the excuse.
Increases own critical attack chance resistance by 8%
Mad Enhancement E
Like all other Passive Skills, the signature Mad Enhancement of the Berserker Class is in a distinctly low Rank, partially due to Cuca’s unique abilities as a Servant, the rank of this Skill can be increased depending on choices made during battle. Certain abilities being user under certain circumstances will increase the ‘wildness’ behind Cuca’s behavior, causing her to act closer to a wild beast than the fairy tale witch she portrays herself to be.
Increases own Buster performance by 2%
Protection of the Lake C+
Her original nature as a Fairy of the Lake, an elemental of Water who was seen as a blessing upon the countryside. Melusine’s nature as a Fairy of Wells and Springs has been documented by many over the course of history, but her ‘level’ is beneath that of the Lady of the Lake known in the legend of King Arthur and Sir Lancelot. At this level it is akin to an affinity for bodies of freshwater, similar to the protection bestowed upon the King of Knights.
Charges one ally's NP gauge (30%)
Increases party's NP generation rate (3 turns)
Monstrous Strength B
A Skill that temporarily grants a rank-up to one's Strength parameter for a time limit determined by the ranking of this Skill. It is borne from the holder's nature as a monster or Demonic Beast. In Cuca’s case, utilizing this Skill causes an increase in both her Dragonkin and Mad Enhancement Skills to rise in Rank. The longer Cuca uses this skill to fight, the higher those Skills also rise in rank until it triggers a chain reaction leading to her first Noble Phantasm.
Increases own attack (30%)
Fairy Tale Witchcraft C
The ability to perform spells and all manners of supernatural acts connected to one’s Status as a Witch. Not as a female practitioner of magic, but as a being who has adopted the station of a Witch in the Woods, one who uses Fairy Tales as the basis for her craft and wields them to terrifying results. Obviously, Cuca’s ability to perform the role of Antagonist is limited by her madness, and her behavior is more akin to a bumbling villain in a children’s story.
As such, very often Cuca will use Witchcraft to create obvious traps, do chores, or botch potions meant to have serious effects into simplistic practical jokes that even a child can turn back on her.
Due to a shortage of cauldrons in Chaldea, she’s taken one of the washing machines to her room.
Chance to inflict Curse to an enemy for 5 turns (80%)
Chance to reduce an enemy's NP gauge by 1 (80%)
Chance to reduces an enemy’s defense by 10% for 3 turns (80%)
Cuca’s Noble Phantasms is strange.
There are three, though you could consider all three to have the exact same function with different end results. Their nature still remains the reversion of Cuca’s current form to that of a past incarnation, accompanied by an increase in select skills in exchange for sealing away part of her abilities.
Rather than reverting to a Dragon, or a Fairy, this Noble Phantasm causes Cuca to revert to a more recent status. The Evil Spirit known as El Cucuy, which overtime became the Alligator Witch of South American Folklore, known for abducting misbehaving children to cook and eat.
Her current incarnation is much nicer by comparison, being more of a Fairy Tale character than a Folkloric demon. Being that this is the form she last shed over the course of her life, Cuca will find it easier and less costly to use this function of her Noble Phantasm over all others.
This form of hers represents the dangers of the forest and the supernatural, causing the terrain to become treacherous and winding. It is meant to split up and strand enemies in the middle of the woods, and amplifies Cuca’s Witchcraft and Mad Enhancement to their maximum output, befitting a crazed, hungry Witch who sees others as food or entertainment.
This form seals away both Dragonkind, Fae Eyes, as well as Protection of the Lake.
In addition, Witchcraft’s rank rises to A+, as does Mad Enhancement.
100% Chance to grant self Forest Battlefield buff (3 turns)
Reduces all enemies' Quick resistance by 20% (3 turns)
The ability to regress to a previous state, namely, that of the wicked dragon known as ‘Coca’. Slain by St. George, this creature bears the power of a calamity which would bring about the doom of an entire city, a true dragon capable of untold destruction, which could only have been beaten with the use of the Holy Sword Ascalon, and George’s own legendary skills.
This Noble Phantasm is activated when the Skill ‘Monstrous Strength’ causes the Dragonkind skill to reach its maximum Rank, triggering a transformation which warps Cuca’s humanoid form temporarily into that of the Wicked Dragon.
In this state she gains a very noticeable increase in raw strength, durability and access to powers that she otherwise wouldn’t have as a servant. In exchange, certain skills are sealed away such as Fae Eyes, Protection of the Lake, and Witchcraft. Cuca’s nature as a Fairy and current self as a Witch exchanged for a temporary complete manifestation as a Dragonkind.
But that’s all this is.
A temporary manifestation. If Cuca lacks the needed magical energy to maintain her current form, she will eventually revert to her Servant self. And if she stubbornly clings to the transformation, it will eventually completely spend her energy, leading to her summoning being undone.
Obviously this also means that her weakness to Anti-Dragon noble phantasms and skills is at its highest.
100% Chance to grant self Sunlight Battlefield buff (3 turns)
Reduces their Buster resistance by 20%(3 turns)
The third Noble Phantasm.
This form closely resembles that of her original self, the Fairy of Water, Mélusine.
Unlike her dragon self, this form causes a steep decline in all physical parameters and temporarily seals all abilities related to the Dragonkind and Monstrous Strength skills. Instead, regaining some of her power as a Fairy, Mélusine is capable of spreading her influence over the land to create a reconstruction of her original home.
This is what might be described as a Fairy Land.
A domain imposed upon the world. Or rather, the world’s natural reaction to a being like her.
Spreading forth a create body of water in all directions, those that Mélusine favors temporarily receive the blessings of a Lady of the Lake, increasing their abilities while hindering enemies with the force of the rushing water of the lake as it washes over them. Having the same downside as the first Noble Phantasm, the blessing and territory creation will only last for as long as the reborn Mélusine has magical energy.
Once she runs low, she must revert to her original form.
And if she clings to the transformation past the point of no return, her summoning will be undone.
100% Chance to grant self Waterside Battlefield buff (3 turns)
Reduces Arts resistance by 30% (3 turns)
Craft Essence
The Yellow Woodpecker
This was a building she never saw.
With steps she never walked.
Grass she never smelled.
This is a picture carved in the heat of hundreds of thousands.
A picture of friendship, adventure, and mischief.
Even now, despite having never once seen it or met the other ‘actors’ of that play, Cuca can’t help but hum contently as she labors over her borrowed cauldron. A charming, sunny tone, a song that she never heard but knew by heart.
“Marmelada de banana ~”
“Bananada de goiaba~”
“Goiabada de marmelo~”
It was a familiar rhythm.
Though, maybe something was missing?
She had children to keep out of trouble, she had a homey little room to do her potions and spells, and she even had friends she could bicker with and antagonize on occasion. But it still felt like something was missing.
Ah.
“Maybe I should find an assistant?”
Last edited by Wyvern; December 7th, 2022 at 08:46 PM.
Servant List The Wyvern's Managerie Lostbelt Information South America of the Nasuverse Fanfics The Voice of Thunder
Wyvern's Witch of the New World: Loved the storytelling and every bit of it. I wonder how much Dragon Maid you've had to watch for this. However, I don't get why her NPs grants her terrain change buffs? Perhaps you can alter it such that when she uses her skills while boosted with one of the terrain buffs she gets extra effects, like increased NP gain while using Protection of the Lake after using Roman de Melusine? Also, I think it would be great if you can add Europe as one of her active regions (cuz of the whole melusine part), as well as a name for your Bond CE (not necessary, I just think it'd be nice.)
Added Europe instead of Portugal to her region section.Originally Posted by Spelror
Added a name to the Bond 10 CE.
As for the NP effects, they are there mostly as an extra gimmick. Like, what kind of mechanic the servant could be used for. With the terrain playing on her history of having been to multiple places as multiple people. From France as Melusine, to the Iberian Peninsula as Coca, to the shores of the New World as El Cucuy and later Cuca the Witch. Each NP represents no one who she is but also where she was.
Servant List The Wyvern's Managerie Lostbelt Information South America of the Nasuverse Fanfics The Voice of Thunder
So it's storytelling effect? Nice.
Also, your sheet led me to a rather critical piece of material I can use for my own sheet, I have to thank you for it.
Oh boy, oh boy.
I can't wait for that.
For obvious reasons, of course. I excel at hitting Brazilian nostalgic memories like they are pressure points. I do hope you enjoyed though! Can't wait to hear all about it tommorow.
Servant List The Wyvern's Managerie Lostbelt Information South America of the Nasuverse Fanfics The Voice of Thunder
I wasn't planning on another sheet. I wanted to just make one sheet so that I can get to writing other things.
And then I thought of pun/joke and found out that, no, actually my joke is probably a thing and now I wanna make another sheet.
Especially since the idea involves a Filipino goddess and I've been wanting to make a Filipino sheet.
Bah. Ideas are flowing into my head. I'll see if I can manage it. Back to figuring out yet again in what way I wanna do the syncretism on the sheet... Oh and ask questions on the other thread about stuff.
But anyways...it'll take a bit until I'll comment on the next few sheets, so for now...
Here here! I welcome you to the forum as well, TheOnePaladin! I dropped in last contest two months ago, so you got some newbie company in me. Hope you enjoy your stay, and hopefully it's a long one!
Looking forward to that then! Hope you had fun with my sheet.
Author of:
Persona 5: Refraction (SV link; FF.net link)
"You didn't have to fight for me, you know." "And you didn't have to curl your hair so we'll look even more alike." Ren stared before he softly chuckled, Akira joining him not long after. With one simple decision as a child, Ren Amamiya goes to Tokyo alongside his little sister, Akira. (P5R Sibling AU) (Ren/Ann, Akechi/Fem!Akira)
Chapter 55 on: April 24, 2024 (GMT +8:00)
Velvet Throne
My list of my Servants! Still small for now.
I detest this month’s theme with a passion(IT’S SO HARD ;_; )so I’m extra impressed at anyone who dares to try. I’m just very much in awe. And possibly stealing an idea here or there.
Anyway, we have a lot of entries already. Lemme see if I can comment on them and gush over their awesomeness.
Mononobe-no-Moriya
Demetrius of Thessaloniki
Apep = Apophis = Hou Yi = Chang'e = Orion = Artemis = Diana
Hermes Trismegistus
Loki=Rod
Sukunabikona
Santa Claus
Matarisvan
Erzulie Freda
Cuca
pinetree, the Capra Demon of prompt givers, giving prompts that end up hard when he doesn't mean to.
Okay that joke probably fell flat but i just had the urge to do this stupid joke
Glad you liked the personality I gave him, even when I was basically going for "good Loki". ^^; Happy to hear you like how I writeyears of writing fanfics and rp sheets is paying off!, I do my best to make it interesting and engaging as a writer. And that my connection of Loki and Rod worked out for you since I only made the connection thanks to my "family god Loki" headcanon. I'm ESPECIALLY happy you read Sigyn's sheet because I love her. I'm looking forward to making her Binder class sheet.
Now my turn for Servant thoughts!
Matarisvan by TheOnePaladin: Again, welcome to the forum! So in light of you being new, like myself, I'd say this is pretty good for a first attempt I think. I was interested in the story you were telling despite the formatting, which Spelror already pointed out, though I don't find it as annoying...I will say it's better to use COLLAPSE3 code instead of COLLAPSE unless it's like the footnote thing Nuclear did with his sheet and similar. Another thing I do wanna point out that I felt though was that I was pretty much enthralled with the story so much...that I was pulled out of it when I reached the personality section. It wasn't bad, I've seen worse personality sections before, but like...it was like reading a novel only for some part in the middle to suddenly be written in cliff notes then back to regular prose, you know? So it was jarring.
Erzulie Freda by jishara: ...okay okay what can I say that isn't just "not my taste but I don't hate it or anything" because I'd be repeating myself, uh... I'm glad to know of a new figure. Interesting to hear the syncretism between her, Mater Dolorosa and Oshun.
Cuca, the Witch of the New World by Wyvern: oh hi tohru. XD Ahem. Anyways. Love how it starts off, always a sucker for these kinds of starts, and thankfully I kept liking it as I read through it. Making the link of Melusine to a dragon and then to this little boogieman-type story from Brazil. It's nice learning about this stuff, you know? I'll admit, I was initially "wait why does she have henshin forms for her NPs?" but then I gave it some thought and realized why, which you then confirm: the NPs are a representation of the changes she went through and where. So now I like it.
Author of:
Persona 5: Refraction (SV link; FF.net link)
"You didn't have to fight for me, you know." "And you didn't have to curl your hair so we'll look even more alike." Ren stared before he softly chuckled, Akira joining him not long after. With one simple decision as a child, Ren Amamiya goes to Tokyo alongside his little sister, Akira. (P5R Sibling AU) (Ren/Ann, Akechi/Fem!Akira)
Chapter 55 on: April 24, 2024 (GMT +8:00)
Velvet Throne
My list of my Servants! Still small for now.
I have decided to simply bow out of the contest. Sorry to waste your time. good luck to current contestants.
Last edited by Baron Magnus; December 10th, 2022 at 11:19 PM. Reason: Decided to just not participate in this contest.
Rookie Lorekeeper, Amateur Extraordinaire, and all around nasunoob.
I may be biased because I made a Dionysus sheet myself some time ago, but a God being just reborn in a magic cauldron feel really underwhelming, especially with the Nasuverse lore about Greek Gods, and there being randomly two Osiris rather than any real relationship between them bug me. So is Hermes being a mortal when Dionysus was the one with human origins in the myths, but I get you did that to tie in to Trismegistus, so maybe I'm just being conceited here.
I also think you could have composed his Divine Cores into a single skill, especially since one of them don't even give him Divinity. But apart from those nitpicks, I feel like his NP got so many effects it make it look convoluted. I think you could have kept it to mind connected by intoxication. Tough I really like the rest of his skills, especially the one representing him being Zeus' potential successor at one point. Kinda made me wish I thought of it.
Last edited by Alexcoene; December 10th, 2022 at 12:48 PM.
I agree and I'd like to add that not only that but the entirety of his character and story feel distinctly human, really made it hard to buy him being three distinct gods.
Say, just making sure, but does syncretism always have to include divinity somewhere? Would "non-divine guy from myth A appears in myth B under a different name" be enough? Think of Lancelot (French) --> Lanzelet (Germanic) for example. Or is that just closer to adaptation/appropriation?
This is one of the things I'm planning on fixing with Hermes sheet more or less. His lore will tie some of this stuff together but i'll reveal this because it is a problem I didn't notice. I was trying to state that the original Osiris, who would still be alive and kicking, meddled in the second rebirth outright. I'll fix the lore real quick. As for Divinity, it's that way because the divine cores are synchronized and providing, together, a higher rank of divinity than just one of them would. The cores, after all, are lower rank than his divinity.
Also I get the NP is confusing. I was trying to capture the feeling of a.... particular ceremony of a particular cult. I picked it because it was one of the only named ceremonies directly involved with the dionysian mysteries... oh and the cauldron. There's a reason I picked that cauldron. I plan to address it in the Hermes sheets lore. Also Zagreus was human? what I read and was going with was that he's at least the son of persephone. sometimes even zeus too. I left Zeus out of it beyond planning the whole affair. Yes though I am making Hermes mortal to fit with Hermes Trismegistus. Going to make explaining his Olympian phase in the lore... interesting.
Rookie Lorekeeper, Amateur Extraordinaire, and all around nasunoob.
If they're resonating together, I feel like it was even more of a reason to make them one skill. And I meant Zagreus was reborn as Dionysus when Zeus impregnated Semele, a mortal demi-goddess. Then Hera tricked her into seeing Zeus' real form and that end up killing her, so Zeus had to carry the baby to terms in his thigh somehow. That even became an expression in french. That's just a version of the myth, but it's the most popular.
For NPs, I think that centering the effects on one core concept related to what they represent is more important than to try to slavishly replicate the specifics. But it's just my particular philosophy regarding them.
I personally do not appreciate fundamental "fixings" of entries during the contest. If you wanted to properly connect two sheets, make them together and adapt before releasing a convoluted, half-baked plot.
Ya cant ask for your paper back while the teacher is grading them.
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It is a good philosophy. I think I'll keep it in mind for future NPs. Also thanks for the history behind that. I legitimately did not know. I knew that was one of Dionysus' rebirth myths though. Didn't know Zagreus was part of that.
Actually when I properly do a Dionysus servant i'll include that.
Also funny you mention combining them. I did do that in the first draft and only changed it because I thought it was too... strong what I ended up with. Then again... the class skills section does have a bit of bloat.
Maybe i'll take a second look when I finish Hermes.
By the way thanks for the critique. I appreciate it.
Alright. Then I have one sheet this contest. I'll delete that sheet real quick and once he's done and on CaS i'll add a link on my second sheet so it has context and a complete story.
Last edited by Baron Magnus; December 10th, 2022 at 01:40 PM.
Rookie Lorekeeper, Amateur Extraordinaire, and all around nasunoob.
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