Chibi!Shangxiang: I'm surprised you didn't use Chinese Martial Arts at all as that was her focus though Lady of War is certainly an acceptable substitute. There is no basis for Natural Body though as when her physical appearance was described she was basically as pretty as others of her stature but her presence scared seasoned warriors so ditch it out for something like Terrifying Presence or Mystic Face of Fear or whatever similar skill takes your fancy, it's not like Archers need high strength stats anyways. Nature of a Rebellious works at it's own rank so no need to change that.
The Noble Phantasm is, as you admitted yourself, basically a 'Summon Army' NP which most of us have done at some point (Such as myself with Alfred the Great) though you do get points for coming up with your own spin and variation on it. I myself made it as the Attendant of Iron skill which i thought fit better. Perhaps you could try adding a second Noble Phantasm combining maids and her bow (to give her a reason for being in this class other than say Striker which the sheet seems to be a better fit for) perhaps something simple like arrow multiplication in mid air?
Saitou Hajime was believed to be responsible for the inner-unit assassination of his fellow Shinsengumi captain Takeda Kanryuusai.
Diarmuid spent some time daring people to walk across the sharp edge of his sword to show how awesome he was.
The Sanada Braves were led by Sarutobi Sasuke, which is why the word "Sasuke" and "ninja" are synonymous in Japan.
Tripitaka spent twenty years in India, which was the basis for the Journey to the West story.
If you sleep in a bed Merlin made out of Balin's tomb, you go mad.
Now, one of these is false, but can you tell me which one at a glance?
Is it the Merlin stuff?
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Also on the topic of SSX, i feel like having her being in love with Liu Bei doesn't really fit to have her bodyguard stuff, because most of the time those were characterized of going against the Shu and a true problem for Liu Bei who now has a personal army who doesn't owe any loyalty to him walking around his life following the whims of his wife who didn't really love him and fucked off from Shu when things went south.
He's just putting the bone of his sword into other people until it explodes and lets out parts of him inside them.
Originally Posted by AvengerEmiya
Genderswaps are terrible, but I think I and other people would hate them less if Fate didn't keep ignoring actual heroines throughout history and folklore. Like, why bother turning Francis Drake into a woman when Ching Shih and Grace O'Malley exist?
Originally Posted by Five_X
Fate Zero is just Fate Stay Night for people who think Shirou is too girly
Hermes: I think your interpretation of the character is unique. The Noble Phantasm that involves negotiations rather then violence is a very unique approach to the character. The Attendant of Iron ability also fits in very well with how the real Lady Sun is able to teach her maids. I do wonder though if her role is more support based. Her offensive capability is a bit lacking, though not so much it makes her weak. Lady Sun was an individual who was forceful, but also very clever, so I think it fits well with the concept of the servant. Also, thanks for your critique on my servant.
Royd: your interpretation certainly is a more offensive approach. These various attendants look like they would be difficult to kill if they are in a group. I am also interested in the relationship Lady has with her "retainers" on a personal level. Interaction between them would be fun to watch. Considering her personality, it might be interesting.
Also, it is too late to edit at this point, but let's say the Agility of the servant I did earlier, Brer Rabbit, is now A+ since I felt everyone who commented had a point about it being too high. Her skills I am more or less satisfied with though overlapping was an issue for me. I was going for a servant who would lose if they took one good hit, but makes up for it with intelligence and support form her skills.
Last edited by Dozer095; August 18th, 2016 at 05:03 PM.
Chibi!Shangxiang: I'm surprised you didn't use Chinese Martial Arts at all as that was her focus though Lady of War is certainly an acceptable substitute. There is no basis for Natural Body though as when her physical appearance was described she was basically as pretty as others of her stature but her presence scared seasoned warriors so ditch it out for something like Terrifying Presence or Mystic Face of Fear or whatever similar skill takes your fancy, it's not like Archers need high strength stats anyways. Nature of a Rebellious works at it's own rank so no need to change that.
The Noble Phantasm is, as you admitted yourself, basically a 'Summon Army' NP which most of us have done at some point (Such as myself with Alfred the Great) though you do get points for coming up with your own spin and variation on it. I myself made it as the Attendant of Iron skill which i thought fit better. Perhaps you could try adding a second Noble Phantasm combining maids and her bow (to give her a reason for being in this class other than say Striker which the sheet seems to be a better fit for) perhaps something simple like arrow multiplication in mid air?
Thanks very much for the feedback. Funny how I went for a cuter, 'chibi' approach whereas you did her as a more mature, warrior women (which is probably more accurate to the novel since I think she's described as around 20 or so when entering Liu Bei's court, but I couldn't resist the Mumei FC).
Fair enough about Natural Body. I thought it fit the 'beautiful warrior princess' aspect but I admittedly was reaching to give her a third Skill. I'll probably nix it and either go with an intimidation based one instead like you suggested or just something generic but appropriate like Clairvoyance. I actually thought of giving her an arrow-multiplication NP based off the hundred maids, funnily enough. Though I ended up deciding it was too much of a stretch to make work. Might consider adding something like that at some point if the inspiration strikes me. I could even make it something like an ability to 'convert' her maids into spiritual arrows for her bow.
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Oh and by the way, since a bunch of people now have pointed out the source I used for giving Bedivere Witchcraft was totally baseless, I'll be scrapping that Skill. Reluctantly, given that I was rather fond of it, but there's really no way I can defend including something that seems to have originated from a trolling Wikipedia edit.
Dang it, David J. Prokopetz! I trusted you!
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With a heavy heart, I nixed Witchcraft and replaced it with Protection From Arrows at the same rank. Got rid of Caster as an Alternate Class too, since the only reason he had it was because of that Skill. This way it manages to tie into my Culhwch profile though, which is nice at least.
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Originally Posted by JetKinen
Is it the Merlin stuff?
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Also on the topic of SSX, i feel like having her being in love with Liu Bei doesn't really fit to have her bodyguard stuff, because most of the time those were characterized of going against the Shu and a true problem for Liu Bei who now has a personal army who doesn't owe any loyalty to him walking around his life following the whims of his wife who didn't really love him and fucked off from Shu when things went south.
In Romance Of Three Kingdoms though, Sun really did love Liu Bei, as historically improbable as that might be. Since that's one of the only means of information on her, it makes sense to base her character off of that, I'd say.
I'll be coming up with a replacement Skill for Sun and maybe touching up a few other aspects of her profile sometime later, BTW.
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Originally Posted by Dozer095
Also, it is too late to edit at this point, but let's say the Agility of the servant I did earlier, Brer Rabbit, is now A+ since I felt everyone who commented had a point about it being too high.
As someone who often goes back on old sheets and tinkers with stuff, there's not an expiration date on when you can edit. Besides, it's only like, a page back.
Last edited by RoydGolden; August 18th, 2016 at 06:10 PM.
He's just putting the bone of his sword into other people until it explodes and lets out parts of him inside them.
Originally Posted by AvengerEmiya
Genderswaps are terrible, but I think I and other people would hate them less if Fate didn't keep ignoring actual heroines throughout history and folklore. Like, why bother turning Francis Drake into a woman when Ching Shih and Grace O'Malley exist?
Originally Posted by Five_X
Fate Zero is just Fate Stay Night for people who think Shirou is too girly
Also on the topic of SSX, i feel like having her being in love with Liu Bei doesn't really fit to have her bodyguard stuff, because most of the time those were characterized of going against the Shu and a true problem for Liu Bei who now has a personal army who doesn't owe any loyalty to him walking around his life following the whims of his wife who didn't really love him and fucked off from Shu when things went south.
Blame the source material because according to Romance of the Three Kingdom that's what went down. Don't get me wrong, yours is a good point but apparently their love was true. I try and stick to the source material in most cases.
Only time I outright avoided something was with my Mulan sheet a while back in the old thread as in a semi-canonical addition/alteration after coming back from war her dad died, mum remarried and she was basically sold of to be a courtesan of some Lord so she killed herself anyways. She had a happy ending and wasn't ditching it for Edginess and Angst TM.
Your alternate characterisation isn't bad at all but slowly turned genuine love adds a bit more depth in my own opinion. That and he was always terrified of Sun anyways.
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Originally Posted by JetKinen
Yeah but that version is shit.
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Shu propaganda bullshit.
Do not trust Liu Bei
Instead side with Zhang Jiao for the YELLOW TURBANS!
That's how it actually went down. Romance of the Three Kingdoms isn't a historical document y'know. It's a Romance.
It was a completely political marriage, they were married for only two years, everytime Liu Bei tried to visit her she had 100 potentially armed bodyguards who scared the fuck out of Liu Bei, and, if you wanna believe Zhao Yun biography, tried to steal the touchdown kid from Liu Bei.
Romance of the Three Kingdoms has her commiting suicide after the fall of the Sun-Liu alliance but she quietly went home and that was that.
Last edited by JetKinen; August 18th, 2016 at 06:36 PM.
Reason: respect for Liu Shan
That's how it actually went down. Romance of the Three Kingdoms isn't a historical document y'know. It's a Romance.
It was a completely political marriage, they were married for only two years, everytime Liu Bei tried to visit her she had 100 potentially armed bodyguards who scared the fuck out of Liu Bei, and if you wanna go the fictional route tried to steal the retarded kid from Liu Bei.
Romance of the Three Kingdoms has her commiting suicide after the fall of the Sun-Liu alliance but she quietly went home and that was that.
Just saying, but I think when we start talking about ancient English warlords armed with planetary defense laser cannons, French princesses who were also magical girls and Babylonian kings who owned literally everything in the world (including stuff that came later), history kind of flies out the window.
Seriously though, Romance Of Three Kingdoms is a work of historical fiction and when it comes to basing character off said historical fiction, I don't see what the problem could possibly be. Of course it's embellished but so is pretty much everything in Type-Moon. In these sorts of things, 'historical fact' always comes secondary to writing an interesting story/character.
Last edited by RoydGolden; August 18th, 2016 at 08:18 PM.
Heres my personal bias: I don't care for Lady Sun falling in love with Liu Bei. I feel like it ruined her character in the DW games from a feisty tomboy to the typical "my husband is so awesome" female DW character. I don't think its interesting, in fact, i feel like it's quite reductive from the woman who was "forced" into a loveless marriage, ended up "ruling" the househood, and who may-or-may-not have tried to kidnap the heir of the king she married.
I also think that the having her maids NP being the focus of her schtick doesn't fit with the "head-over-heels" version of SSX that has her falling in love with the 50 year old hero.
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But anyway thats just me.
The sheets are fine, i'm just ranting and raving because i really don't care for this version of SSX.
Update: Replaced Sun's Natural Body Skill wih Dread Visage at a low rank (representing how her presence would intimidate trained warriors) and gave her a new NP that acts as a combination of her bow and attendants. Somewhat hesitant on the last one since it's a complete deviation from her legend, but hopefully it's interesting at the very least.
Thanks for your suggestions, Hermes!
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Also added a paragraph to her first NP mentioning her relationship with her attendants.
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Originally Posted by JetKinen
Heres my personal bias: I don't care for Lady Sun falling in love with Liu Bei. I feel like it ruined her character in the DW games from a feisty tomboy to the typical "my husband is so awesome" female DW character. I don't think its interesting, in fact, i feel like it's quite reductive from the woman who was "forced" into a loveless marriage, ended up "ruling" the househood, and who may-or-may-not have tried to kidnap the heir of the king she married.
I also think that the having her maids NP being the focus of her schtick doesn't fit with the "head-over-heels" version of SSX that has her falling in love with the 50 year old hero.
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But anyway thats just me.
The sheets are fine, i'm just ranting and raving because i really don't care for this version of SSX.
Fair enough. Though there's no reason she can't be a feisty tomboy and in love with Liu Bei, Dynasty Warriors notwithstanding.
Class: Rider Alternate Classes: Any Knight Class, Striker
STR: B END: C AGI: B MGI: B LCK: A
Class Skills
Riding (A): Can use all creatures as mounts, barring Phantasmal and Divine Beasts.
Magic Resistance (A): Normally at D-rank, it is raised due to his Noble Phantasm.
Personal Skills
Guru (A): Rider is part of a line of Gurus or Masters that established Sikhism and compiled its
central religious texts. As the tenth and final (human) member of this esteemed line, Rider is
considered a spiritual guide not only for Sikhs but all humanity. He is analogous to a saint or
a prophet, and as such is treated as having A-rank Charisma and holy protection that renders him
immune to any effect of equivalent rank that would seek to corrupt or diminish him, whether it be
physical, mental or spiritual. In addition, he also gains a constant rank-up to LCK.
Shastara-Vidiya (A++): Translated as "the science of weapons", it is the martial arts of Indian Sikhs.
Blending together all forms of combat, it allows Rider to seamlessly merge melee, ranged and mounted
combat, making him appear to be able to wield all his weapons at once. Rider is a master among masters
whose founding of the Sikh military order gave them a reputation as warriors that continues to this day.
Rider declared that the Sikhs "will love the weapons of war, be excellent horsemen, marksmen and wielders
of the sword, the chakram and the spear. Physical prowess will be as sacred as spiritual sensitivity."
Arms Mastery of Divine Gift (A): Rider can extend his mastery of traditional Indian weapons to any
weapon he may encounter, ancient or modern, barring weapons that only specific people may wield.
With his Master's permission, he can teach this skill to others as well.
Equipment: Rider carries five weapons: a double-edged sword and a katar for melee combat, and a bow,
chakram and rifle for ranged combat. This ensemble of weapons is referred to as the Pancha Shastra.
If summoned as Archer, he is equipped with his personal bow, Humayu Kamaan, said to have a draw
weight of almost five hundred pounds and able to accurately fire arrows at a range of several kilometers.
As Saber, he wields the holy scimitar Toshkhana.
Noble Phantasms
Panj Kakar~Five Articles of Faith (A, Support, Anti-Unit)
Nicknamed "the Five Ks", these articles are worn at all times by Rider to show his commitment to the
Sikh way of life. It was Rider who first ordered that all Sikhs wear them to embody Sikh virtues. Each
one represents a different facet of worship and respect for God. Wearing all five items grants Rider
rank A Magic Resistance and each one grants him a separate skill or ability. They are as follows:
Kesh~Unshorn Hair- A Sikh never cuts or trims any hair as a symbol of respect of God's creation
and honoring the body. As long as Rider's hair is uncut, he is treated as having the Natural Body
skill, gaining a constant rank-up to STR.
Kangha~Rishi Knot- A small wooden comb that Sikhs use twice a day to remove tangles from their
hair. It represents cleanliness and reminds Sikhs to keep their lives tidy and organized. By using the
comb, Rider enjoys the benefits of Knowledge of Respect and Harmony for twelve hours thereafter.
Kara~Guru's Chain- A steel bracelet worn on the right wrist to remind Sikhs to carry out righteous
and true deeds. It is a symbol of unbreakable commitment to God and community, being a link in the
chain of Sikhs. As the first wearer of the Kara, Rider can manifest an incredibly long chain of Kara,
representing the millions of Sikhs worldwide who bind themselves to each other. Its strength is as if
all of Rider's followers are pulling the chain back, making escape virtually impossible for a non-Sikh.
Kacchera~String of Chastity- A pair of loose-fitting undergarments that symbolize self-respect and
control over sexual desires, so that Rider will not fall prey to lust. It grants Rider immunity to
mental effects that would charm or seduce him, whether it be by lust, anger or greed.
Kirpan~Kindness and Grace- An ornate nine inch steel dagger that Sikhs wear as a sidearm weapon at
all times. It symbolizes a Sikh's duty to defend the weak and innocent and reminds Rider not to turn
a blind eye to evil. While wielding the dagger, Rider is treated as having the Guardian Knight skill.
Neela~Guru's Blue Horse (B+, Support, Anti-Unit)
Rider was famous for his blue roan horse, named Neela. This magnificent war stallion was a gift from a certain
royal dignitary and was said to be descended from all manner of Phantasmal creatures, including the great tianma
of China. Aside from being a powerful mount, Neela imposes a nullification effect on Rider's surroundings while
he is mounted. This comes from an incident where Rider was told by an impetuous innkeeper to sleep in his roaring
furnace, so Neela rested one of his hooves on the furnace and it immediately cooled, something that would normally
take several days. Wherever Neela travels, it becomes "safe" for Rider; treacherous ground becomes completely level
and smooth, fire is extinguished and wounds heal faster. Rider can even spur the horse to run on water or thin air.
Guru Granth Sahib~The Eternal Guru (EX, Support)
A Noble Phantasm shared by Rider and his nine predecessors. The Guru Granth Sahib is the central religious text of
Sikhism and is regarded as the final, sovereign and eternal living Guru following Rider's lineage. Rider can enter
a state of consciousness where he becomes the Granth Sahib, gaining access to all the skills and Noble Phantasms
of the other nine Gurus, and increasing the rank of any skills they share to A+ (such as Guru and Magic Resistance).
Due to the large prana consumption, Rider can only invoke it for a few minutes at a time.
If summoned as Archer...
Humayu Kamaan~Gold-Tipped Arrows of the Huma Bird (B+, Anti-Unit)
Archer was presented with the feathers of the Huma bird, a creature from Iranian myth that spends its entire life
in flight and is related to the Phoenix and the Simurgh. He fletched the feathers to five arrows and shot each in a
cardinal direction and straight up into the heavens. He then asked his followers to retrieve the arrows, but they came
back empty-handed. Archer explained that the Huma bird has a connection to all its body parts, and anything attached
to those body parts could be taken to the bird's haven. Archer was using this as a metaphor for the Sikhs taking people
to the haven of God. Archer possesses these five arrows, and when they are shot, they are taken onto another plane by
the Huma bird. Archer can then entreat the bird to release the arrow at a time and place of his choosing. After being
reunited with the Huma bird's body, the feathers on the arrow transfer great power to the arrow. The arrow retains its
original momentum after being released, and is imbued with holy energy, the amount of which is proportional to the time
spent being carried by the Huma bird. Archer can also attach other items to the feathers to achieve similar results.
Background
Guru Gobind Singh was the 10th Sikh Guru, a spiritual master, warrior, poet and philosopher. When his father, Guru
Tegh Bahadur, was beheaded for refusing to convert to Islam, Guru Gobind Singh was coronated as the leader of the
Sikhs at age nine, becoming the last of the living Sikh Gurus. He was raised with an extremely comprehensive regime
of education in reading, writing and martial arts.
In 1699, at the age of 32, the Guru requested the Sikhs to congregate at Anandpur, in Punjab, India on the annual
spring harvest festival. According to the Sikh tradition, he asked for a volunteer from those who gathered, someone
willing to sacrifice his head. One came forward, whom he took inside a tent. The Guru returned to the crowd without
the volunteer, but with a bloody sword. He asked for another volunteer, and repeated the same process of returning
from the tent without anyone and with a bloodied sword four more times. After the fifth volunteer went with him into
the tent, the Guru returned with all five volunteers, all safe. He called them the Panj Pyare and the first Khalsa in the
Sikh tradition. It was here that he initiated the tradition of the Five Ks and the code of discipline for Khalsa warriors.
The co-initiation of men and women from different castes into the ranks of Khalsa also cemented the principle of equality
in Sikhism regardless of one's caste or gender.
Following the execution of his father by the Mughal Emperor Aurangzeb, the Emperor became increasingly hostile towards
the Sikh people. The Sikhs resisted, and led by Gobind Singh, the Muslim-Sikh conflicts peaked during this period. Guru
Gobind Singh saw his mission as God-given to resist tyranny and false religion. He believed in a holy war in defense of
righteousness, something that is fought as a last resort, neither out of a wish for revenge nor for greed nor for any
destructive goals. To Gobind Singh, one must be prepared to die to stop tyranny, end persecution and to defend one's own
religious values. He led fourteen wars with these objectives, but never took captives nor damaged anyone's place of worship.
Aurangzeb died in 1707, and was succeeded by his son, Bahadur Shah, who invited Guru Gobind Singh with his army to meet
him in person for peace negotiations but then delayed any discussions for months. On the journey to the meeting, two
assassins entered the Guru's camp and stabbed him in the heart. Though he fought back and killed the assassins, he died
of his wounds a few days later on October 18, 1708, at age 42. His death fueled a long and bitter war with the Mughals.
Last edited by Funderfullness; August 20th, 2016 at 08:50 PM.
"We don't need martyrs right now. We need heroes. A hero would die for his country, but he'd much rather live for it." -Josiah Bartlet
Originally Posted by Arashi_Leonhart
