Create-A-Servant 2

[CritHit]

"The Circus King"

Class: Caster
Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
Origin: American History
Likes:Money, Fun, People
Dislikes:Boredom

Stats:
Str: E
End: E
Agi: E
Mana: B
Luck: C
N.Phant.: A

Skills:
-Class:
Territory Creation (C):
At this level, Caster can create a “museum” of objects that he declares “amazing” or “bizarre”. One must physically supply Caster with a building for this museum to be in, and Caster himself must gather his “wonders”.

Item Creation (-):
This ability is locked to Caster.

-Personal:
Charisma (D):
At this level, Caster is naturally well liked and respected, more than the average person. He is suited to lead a business or a city.

Sham Perpetuation (A):
Caster's primary ability. Through this skill, Caster can take a mundane object or creature, and through creating a web of misinformation, can grant them powers. With his ability, the average house cat can become a monstrous beast, and a boy and his stick could become a warrior worthy of the Saber class and a mighty holy or demonic weapon.

It takes a various amount of time to create the amount of misinformation needed, depending on the effect Caster desires to create. However, he can have multiple shams going at the same time, increasing his productivity. These shams retain the mystery they maintained from Caster’s ability even after Caster himself is gone, yet with the current attention span of humanity, will only fade within a few weeks without continuous support from Caster.

Noble Phantasm:
Barnum's Circus~ Where Fantasy Thrives
Type: Anti-World
Rank: A
Targets: 1-100
After physically obtaining the supplies needed to create a circus tent, and setting up a sufficient amount of mystery to said circus through his Sham Perpetuation ability, Caster can activate his Noble Phantasm. Once activated, it becomes a place where Caster's fantasies become reality. Spirits of the animals he used come to him in the form of monstrous beasts, and the wraiths of the various “freaks” he used in his shows come to his aid.

As Caster used many renegade mages, oni-kind, and psychics in his show, the wraiths summoned are nothing to scoff at. Among the things he can manifest are:
-Various lions, tigers and bears that are at the level of Phantasmal Beasts.
-His prized elephant, Jumbo, summoned at 3 times the size he would have been in life, with armor piercing tusks and an armor like hide. He is comparable to a high level Monstrous Beast.
-A oni-kind “strong man” possessing strength and endurance rivaling that of an average Berserker.
-A psychic that can manipulate knives telekinetically.
-A runaway, relatively weak Dead Apostle that can turn into a bat or wolf.

Through this ability, Caster can also influence the very space around him. He can create explosions and other pyrotechnic effects at will, summon gymnast firing canons, turn the floor into a trampoline, summon rings of fire, etc. It should be noted, that once one is trapped within this NP, to escape, the tent must be destroyed with an attack equal to the strength of an A+ Noble Phantasm. However, the bounded space created only exists within the tent, and from the outside, is only as strong as the canvas used to create the tent.

Lore:

Spoiler:

Barnum was born in Bethel, Connecticut, the son of innkeeper, tailor and store-keeper Philo Barnum (1778–1826) and second wife Irene Taylor. His maternal grandfather Phineas Taylor was a Whig, legislator, landowner, justice of the peace, and lottery schemer, and he had a great influence on his favorite grandson. Barnum was adept at arithmetic but hated physical work. Barnum's father died in 1826 when the boy was 16 years old.

He started as a store-keeper. He was involved with the first lottery mania in the United States. Barnum had several businesses: a general store, a book auctioning trade, real estate speculation, and a statewide lottery network. He became active in local politics and advocated against blue laws promulgated by Calvinists who sought to restrict gambling and travel. Barnum started a weekly paper in 1829, The Herald of Freedom, in Danbury, Connecticut. His editorials against church elders led to libel suits and a prosecution which resulted in imprisonment for two months, but he became a champion of the liberal movement upon his release.[citation needed] In 1834, when lotteries were banned in Connecticut, cutting off his main income, Barnum sold his store and moved to New York City.

He was 25 when he began his career in showmanship. He opened a museum of the bizarre, which hosted a variety of people he tied false claims to. He worked these “freaks” of his incredibly hard, often ignoring their physical ailments in the process. Through his various successes and failures, he finally opened his first huge success, the Barnum American Museum, in 1841. By this time, he had collected a small handful of “legitimate” exhibits, such as a few remains of Phantasmal beasts, and had various oni-kind and other magical humanoids shoved in with the rest of his frauds.

Later in his life, Barnum became involved in politics, writing several political books and articles. In 1865, he was elected as part of the Connecticut legislative, in which he served four terms. Through his political career, he went from a brash racist, who propagated the use of distasteful stereotypes in his shows, to a man who respected all people, regardless of race or politics.

When he was 60 years old, he and his partner James Bailey started the first “Barnum and Baileys” circus. The show's first primary attraction was Jumbo, an African elephant he purchased in 1882 from the London Zoo. The Barnum and Bailey Circus still contained acts similar to his Traveling Menagerie: acrobats, freak shows, and the world-famous General Tom Thumb. Despite more fires, train disasters, and other setbacks, Barnum plowed ahead, aided by circus professionals who ran the daily operations. He and Bailey split up again in 1885, but came back together in 1888 with the "Barnum & Bailey Greatest Show On Earth", later "Barnum & Bailey Circus", which toured the world.

On November 8, 1829, Barnum married Charity Hallett, nicknamed Chairy The couple had four children: Caroline Cornelia (1833–1911), Helen Maria (1840–1920), Frances Irena (1842–1844), and Pauline Taylor (1846–1877)
Charity Hallett Barnum, his wife, died on November 19, 1873.[37] Barnum married Nancy Fish the following year, 1874.
Barnum died from a stroke at home in 1891. He was buried in Mountain Grove Cemetery, Bridgeport, Connecticut, a cemetery he designed.

Personality:

Spoiler:

Caster is, first and foremost, a showman, a workaholic second, and a dreamer third. When summoned into the modern age, the first thing he'll want is to get back to his work, though he will acknowledge that winning the Grail War is required to do so fully. He will expect his Master to work with him non-stop 12-14 hours daily, setting up the preparations needed to create his circus, and will not tolerate slacking off.

Despite his serious, businessman like ppersonality, Caster is actually very creative. He loves finding people/animals/objects, and finding ways to make them seem wondrous. He is a firm lover of fantasy, and in his life, managed to bring a small snippet of it back to America.

He is, as most businessmen are, driven by growing his own personal wealth, that is undeniable, however, his primary goal is simply to entertain. He wants to spread wonder and mystery throughout the world, even if he is required to perform deceitful or otherwise underhanded actions. In the end, he considers everything to be all in good fun, and believes that others will think the same.

[Kabalisto Koga]

Shiki-pons Berserker of Mbutco has inspired me to make a similar indianic Servant.

The fear of the Iroquois and Seneca




Genoskwa

Pictures

(Berserker/Assassin)
Other names: ot ne yar hed(Stonegiant)
Height: 275 cm
Weight: 195kg
Alignment: ??
Attribute: Earth,Elemental
Origin: Indigen Myths of the Iroquis
Likes: ???
Dislikes: ???
Catalyst: a from Iroquis shaman blessed earth or a mud piece that touched the Genoskwa skin

Parameters

Strength: B
Endurance: C
Agility: C+
Luck: B
Mana: C
NP: B

Background

Around the world has spread the existence off Ape like Creatures who Shares resemblance with Man most well known are Yeti and Bigfoot whoose latter are known in different subspecies/folclores because almost any American tribe knews his own "Version" of Bigfoot the one of the Iroquis is the Genoskwa

Behavior

(I will describe this being as "he"for the sake of simplicity)
Normally he is surprisingly quit and cautious being .Should he be forced to stay in urban regions due his master he will get stressed and aggrsive over time .He will normally communicate with his Master through gestical conducts although ist capable through the summoning of the grail to communicate in our language, but he refuse to use this new gained abbility unless he found fondness towards his Master then he will use his new found speak.He sees his Master as at first similar like a Indigenic Human to on of the Zivilisation but should his Master hhave a bond to nature or act in a honest friendly manner he will become a determined Guardian.

Fighting Demeanor:
He is unlike Human natured Assassins reluctant to move in Urban Areas great cities in particular but it as no hesitations to attack other Servants or Masters if provoked ,one exception where he would attack from his side if he sees environmentally destruction or perhaps Servants who where Beast Killers in their live but this is more unlikely or when he must protect his Master. On his Territory on the other hand he Displays a complet other behavior on his own territory where he attacks any Intruder/Servant or Master with great hostility the only exception would be his Master or Animals and respectfull men and Women aswell as Children atfirst atleast.
His First attack moves are the tossing of Spear out of Branches or Stones unless he sees his enemy as powerfull foe like in the case of a heavy muscled Berserker where he will prefers to attack them directly.

Skills

Class skills:

Presence Comcealment: C /(A) Under normal circumstances ist rank is A but in Urban Areas are the effectivity ranked down at two Ranks so its full potencial is only useable at Wooden or similar Environments.
Mad Enhancement (Beast):B He gains a Parameter boost by sacrifying sanity (or more shyness in this case).

Personal skills:
Double Summon:B It enables Genoskwa the acces of the Assassin and Berserker classskills
Mystic Defender of the Forrests :C (A in America) Is the crystalisation as his Counter Guardian like Entity is enables him to claim spiritually a to defending territorial Domain while in provides in fight on his Terrritory a Parameter bost until the invaders are either chased away or killed .the more urbanised the area is the is weaker is the spiritual pressure or in other words the weaker are the gained Blessings.
Language of Nature(Elemental):B- due to being a Creature of Nature he is able to speak the language of the animals(mostly in a treating like manner) and even the Words which was said only be spoken by pixis and fairies which have a similar effect like te language of Gods .
He is able to communicate fluently with Beasts ,Animals and is able to execute a sort of Elemental Dvination to call Storms and Thunder forht aswell as Heal prayers and strenghtening calls.

Noble Phantasm

Stonecloat

Ot ne yar heh

Type: Anti-Unit(Selv)
Rank: C
Range: 1~99
Maximum number of targets: 1
Description: :Is the charackteristic stonearmor he possess and is named for ,the armor reduce the taken Damage from all attacks at 10% additionally it provides protection of Arrows against ranged attacks upto Rank C and reduce the attack force of all higher Ranked Arrow based attacks but ist weakness against Heros who are known for crushing Stones (like Samson who crushed Temple pillars) is that it provides almost no resilience against attacks that are known for stonedestruction .after the destruction of the armor are droping the Ranks of Luck and Endurance by one Rank but he gains a plus modifier at agility.also in America it would gain much :;!}/\'i'E/; ;:::'!'i:;´:

Trickster

Iktomi

Type: Anti-Fear
Rank: B
Range: 1~99
Maximum number of targets: 1
Description: The enemy will be put in a ordeal like Nightmarish scenario where a luck check and exam of courage and fear /Bond to nature will occure,the stronger the regrets/fear and the weaker the bad luck is the more inevitable will be the decapitation also will be proven the faith and bond/relation of the entrant to the Nature, if the foe is a Nature destroyer or animal humiliator like some European royals Iktomi will become a sure-kill attack that by crumble/distortion of the cervical spine kill the Opponent.

Relationships:

Jironimo: Defender...of….the…..World.....it.....is my Honor..to meet you….

Fenris:Grooohh ! …..*it seems he feels some treatening pressure from him*

Christopher Columbus: GRRRghe !!! miserable...demon...you will.....be…...exterminated.

Every Servant that has spanish roots: *Although the conquest has occured Long ago i will never forgive this crime*

*his voice sounds dissimilar

[MehKitteh]

On the subject of your sheet, I must first say that I don't particularly like Bathory.
Still, an immobile Servant is an interesting interpretation, though I'd assume her NP wouldn't be of much use to a Master, at least as a fortress, given the cacophony inside.
My only real gripe is that her singing seems a tad too high as EX rank, and she seems to be locked into the role of a bystander in a normal Grail War. Unless of course some knight in shining armor hears of an imprisoned princess and tries to bust her out.

Thanks for the input!

I see where you're coming at, and I guess you're right, because you probably don't know the context of that sheet.

That sheet (and this one) is a series of sheets that I made for a hypothetical Epic of Remnants-esque story (similar to the works of Sunny and Daneel Rush), where these Alteregos are the enemy Servants specifically constructed for you to deal with in that scenario, so I didn't really intend them to be summoned by anyone else but their creator in any conditions because f**k you Grand Order.

But all the dumb fluff aside, about Kilenc Sárkány being an EX-Ranked Skill, that Skill falls as as an id_es Skill, essentially cheat Skills gained from the illegal modification of a Servant's Saint Graph. You can say that the EX Rank is the result of exaggerating one of her main traits to create a new, fragmented entity. And yeah, in the absurd possibility where she's summoned in a normal Grail War, she'd probably be a Caster with watered-down Skills. And she's not an imprisoned princess- she's a monster that realizes her mistakes and can only wail in regret and guilt over it until her death comes.

[Shiki-pon]

Thanks for the input!

I see where you're coming at, and I guess you're right, because you probably don't know the context of that sheet.

That sheet (and this one) is a series of sheets that I made for a hypothetical Epic of Remnants-esque story (similar to the works of Sunny and Daneel Rush), where these Alteregos are the enemy Servants specifically constructed for you to deal with in that scenario, so I didn't really intend them to be summoned by anyone else but their creator in any conditions because f**k you Grand Order.

But all the dumb fluff aside, about Kilenc Sárkány being an EX-Ranked Skill, that Skill falls as as an id_es Skill, essentially cheat Skills gained from the illegal modification of a Servant's Saint Graph. You can say that the EX Rank is the result of exaggerating one of her main traits to create a new, fragmented entity. And yeah, in the absurd possibility where she's summoned in a normal Grail War, she'd probably be a Caster with watered-down Skills. And she's not an imprisoned princess- she's a monster that realizes her mistakes and can only wail in regret and guilt over it until her death comes.

Ah, as id_es the inflated rank makes sense (plus the role as a "final boss"). I simply failed to consider alterations beyond simply altering the Skill's effect.
And I did see that she isn't an imprisoned princess, but it is possible to mistake her as one. Consider the ominous prison tower, the (assumedly) faceless guards and possible rumors of a young girl within, and a sufficiently chivalrous character would already be preparing a (mistaken) rescue mission.

[CritHit]

Faceclaim

id_es

Class: Alterego
Alignment: Lawful Neutral
Origin: ?
Region: ?

Strength: C
Endurance: D
Agility: -
Magic: A
Luck: E
Noble Phantasm: C

Personal Tidbits

True Name: Elizabeth Bathory
Talents: Torture, singing (if that is not included in torture)
Likes: Singing, solitude
Dislikes: People, herself?
Natural Enemies: Hakuno Kishinami, Ritsuka Fujimaru

Skills

Class Skill:

Kilenc Sárkány: EX
An id_es Skill derived from Scream of Awe, which is gained from the countless tales of the wardens of Elizabeth Bathory's wail of despair during her house arrest. Enables Alterego to continuously sing a melody that unsettles the audience through triggering their inherent memories of primal creation. Any audience must do an easy Luck check continuously as long as they are hearing the song, and failing the check would result in slight decrease in mental soundness and an increase in the difficulty of the subsequent Luck checks for this Skill. As it does not strike the mind, but rather something much deeper than the subconscious, mental fortification effects does not reduce or negate this Skill, but Skills such as Protection of the Muses or Harp of Healing can override the song, eliminating its threat. Targets too affected by the melody can be cured by isolating them in a place quiet enough to let the memories ignited by the song to subside.

Described as harmonious and dissonant; soothing and grating; her singing voice is the definition of paradoxical, screaming to whoever hears her melody to stay away as far as possible from her. Interestingly, her song has some similarities with a certain Beast's cry.

Personal Skills:

Magic Resistance: B
Grants protection against magical effects. Cancel spells with a chant below three verses. Even if targeted by High-Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals, it is difficult for them to be affected. Originally, Alterego have this Skill at an A Rank due to her draconian heritage, but because of her self-loathing and hatred towards her 'monster' self, this Skill suffers from a Rank Down.

Her slightly deteriorated mental state might also have something to do with this Skill's Rank Down.

Territory Creation: A
The Skill to construct a territory that is advantageous for one as a Magus. At this Rank, the creation of 'Blood Prison Čachtice' is possible. Oddly enough, said territory doesn't really aid her much beside keeping other people out... Or keeping herself in.

Torture Techniques: D
Denotes that one has an outstanding experience in torturing people. Grants a plus modifier when using torture tools, and continuously increasing damage after the first strike. Alterego's current condition has lowered her Skill, limiting her 'torture' techniques to be singing. The plus modifier to its effects still occurs, increasing the hardness of the Luck check of her song.

She refrains from torturing anyone directly again, and would only use her knowledge in the sadistic ways to keep you away from her.

Prisoner's Charisma: C
A variant of the Charisma Skill, which represents one's ability to charm and command her captors to do her bidding. While originally she only have the normal variant of this Skill, her unique condition as a prisoner has mutated that Skill because of pity. Grants increased boost to people identified as her 'wardens' or 'guards', and with a medium Mana check, grants authority over them to a certain extent.

Perhaps due to humans feeling pity even to the most heinous of murderers, or the fact that she's just a young girl that made some people reluctant to lock her up or even tried to help her escape. But this is her will; no one should disrespect someone's last wish.

Noble Phantasms

Blood Prison Čachtice

Castle of Cacophonic Solitude

Fortress, C

The enormous 7-story castle that holds Alterego as a prisoner. Upon being summoned, this Noble Phantasm immediately activates, or rather, Alterego and this Noble Phantasm's active state is near inseparable, immediately entrapping her at the highest room of the highest tower. The castle's usually outwards speakers have all been turned to face the inside, guards frequently patrol the perimeter, and the only 'safe' entrance is through one of the second floor's windows that might or might not be locked.

Even if one successfully enter the castle, what will greet them inside are walls-turned-to-blaring-speakers, an erratic guard patrol schedule with seemingly unending guards, and an ever shifting inter-room layout that doesn't make sense, such as going a stair lower even though you went upwards, or rooms that seemingly loop into one another. The guards are almost a match for an Assassin-class Servant, and if one of them spots you, the Castle would immediately alert all active guards to your vicinity, while also spawning new guards on the room you are currently in, making progress very hard.

While this seems like an impossible task, Servants with logical abilities and/or pathfinding abilities can deduce the room's pseudo-random pattern of spatial shift, so that traversing the castle would be a much easier task. Also, Servants with Presence Concealment or similar Skill and/or NP can fool these nameless guards.

Alterego's desire to keep herself away from other people has warped her original Noble Phantasm into the ultimate prison; and frankly she's glad she did. Only a fool would bust a bloody murderer like her out of there.

Sárkány Csont Láncok

Shackles of Justice, Hear Me

Anti-Unit, D

Her original spear Sárkány Csont Lándzsa, melted down and transformed into the chains that binds her legs to her prison room. The dark crimson chains are long enough to allow her to move around her cell, but not enough to let her escape the room, and by doing so would make the chains burn her skin, so she usually sits down for hours.

Even in chain form, Sárkány Csont Láncok retains its original form's ability to be used as a microphone, specifically one that is connected to the whole speaker network of Blood Prison Čachtice, allowing her guilty woes to reach the ends of her self-imposed prison.

Besides being much sturdier than a normal chain, it doesn't do much offensively. It is, after all, a binding instrument.

Lore

Elizabeth Bathory is the Alterego of Guilt, the guardian Alterego of the second stage of the Lunar Purgatory, and a self-imposed prisoner. [You lack the required admin privileges to view this.] created her using the 'Elizabeth Bathory' that was arrested and eventually realizes her heinous crimes towards her victims during her house arrest as the maddening obstacle that

you

anyone

must face if the first stage was defeated.

Due to her 5 years of house arrest, her behavior becomes unhinged, pleading anyone continuously to stay away from her, and prone to manic behavior such as unsettling woes, which makes negotiating with her when you reached her extremely difficult. But, nevertheless, you continue to the next stage.

Trivia

-Yes, these 'Lunar Purgatory' things are related. Yes, I'm kinda ripping off a lot of people that weave narrative into their sheets. No, I'm not confident enough with my writing to actually make this into a fic. Yes, I'm a lazy arse so you can imagine yourself how the story work out from the tiny bits of 'information' in the sheets.

-Elizabeth here appears as... well, Elizabeth, because I like my girls flat the mature figure of

Carmilla

Elizabeth

is not my cup of tea (and/or arts of Carmilla that can be interpreted as being chained and/or guilty is non-existent, at least in pixiv).

-My signature has a link for my sheets, you know?

---

... So. I made something.

Any inputs for this sheet would be amazing, because I really want to make this sheet better using your suggestions and critics. Now to lurk back to the void.

I see what you were going for, and actually love that sheet except for the two things about it that I hate. Unfortunately, those two things are so huge, that it brings that sheet down from a 8/10 to a 3/10.

First, there's literally no reason for her to be an Alter-Ego. Your logic and reasoning for her to fall in this class is a stretch in reason even for the Nasuverse. It also allows jumps in logic that say Heracles is an Alter-Ego of Alcides, or Caster Gilgamesh to be an Alter-Ego of Archer Gilgamesh. Make her an Avenger and she's fine, except for point number two. Which is, her primary NP, is way to over the top and ultimately unnecessary. Summoning a gigantic castle is a mana-pit/hax that someone like Bathory is completely undeserving of (I love her, but let's face it, she's kinda a C-list Servant through and through). Her actions and personality should be enough to represent the "tormented prisoner" aspect you were going for. Ultimately, I like the creativity you put into it, but thus sheet is just very poorly executed to me, and trust me, I know a thing or 5 about poorly executed sheets.

Edit: After reading your post explaining the context of that sheet, it makes a lot more sense to me. I would love to read that story.

[MehKitteh]

Barnum: A fun sheet, really. I really like Sham Perpetuation as a Skill. I can see him buffing his Master like Shakespeare using nothing but

lies

dreams

.

Genoskwa: While I'm also guilty of it (kinda), this level of incompleteness is already grating. What does the tildes in the Parameters do? Why does a Berserker... Assassin-thing (and a cryptid, AND a less famous one to boot) have more than 4 Skills? Usually the limit for a normal Servant's Skills are around 4 at best, and Servants with more Skills are usually weak parameter-wise, is a Rider, or very, very famous.

On the subject of Skills, use Double Summon for Servants with double Classes. Or pick one bloody Class. Raging Bestiality sounds weird, and should be put in the Personal Skill section instead, as it's his unique replacement of the Mad Enhancement Skill. All of his Personal Skills are odd, clunky, redundant (Protection from Projectiles and Stonish-Coat) and have better replacements.

The NP is just... I mean, why would you leave the unfinished spoiler tag there? Also, while I'm no American-Indian aficionado, I do believe that the Wendingo and the damned Sasquatch has nothing to do with each other, except through some sort of herculean leap of logic (and/or some weird folklore connection I'm not aware of).

All I can say that's not downright insulting or harsh is that you should either start the sheet over from scratch, or just stop writing sheets for a while and just observe how to make and not to make sheets. Believe me, I once was in your position and after taking a break and seeing the more experienced people's sheets here, I can make something that is at least not an insult to my admittedly low sense of quality.

---

I see what you were going for, and actually love that sheet except for the two things about it that I hate. Unfortunately, those two things are so huge, that it brings that sheet down from a 8/10 to a 3/10.

First, there's literally no reason for her to be an Alter-Ego. Your logic and reasoning for her to fall in this class is a stretch in reason even for the Nasuverse. It also allows jumps in logic that say Heracles is an Alter-Ego of Alcides, or Caster Gilgamesh to be an Alter-Ego of Archer Gilgamesh. Make her an Avenger and she's fine, except for point number two. Which is, her primary NP, is way to over the top and ultimately unnecessary. Summoning a gigantic castle is a mana-pit/hax that someone like Bathory is completely undeserving of (I love her, but let's face it, she's kinda a C-list Servant through and through). Her actions and personality should be enough to represent the "tormented prisoner" aspect you were going for. Ultimately, I like the creativity you put into it, but thus sheet is just very poorly executed to me, and trust me, I know a thing or 5 about poorly executed sheets.

Ooh, thanks for the input!

Your first point is very valid, and yes, the real Elizabeth Bathory has no logical reason to be an Alterego. Your point on her first NP is also reasonable, as the original Elizabeth's castle is only a glorified speaker. To be honest, I was wrapping my head around why this could happen...

... When I realized that I forgot some details about her. Goddammit. I'll have to fix that up, but thanks for pointing out possible plot(?) holes on her Class and Skill justifications, CritHit!

Also, I didn't realize that sprinkles of characterization are enough to convey what she really is.

[CritHit]

Like I said, it made more sense after reading the context, hope I didn't sound too harsh in my critique, I really worry about coming off as mean, which is why I don't comment much on the sheets of others.

[MehKitteh]

Like I said, it made more sense after reading the context, hope I didn't sound too harsh in my critique, I really worry about coming off as mean, which is why I don't comment much on the sheets of others.

It's okay, as your criticism means that I should've elaborated everything as clear as possible on the sheet without relying on secondary posts to clarify things up, AND to better plan out my justifications over certain things on my sheets. All in all, a win?

[King of Padoru]

Genoskwa: While I'm also guilty of it (kinda), this level of incompleteness is already grating. What does the tildes in the Parameters do? Why does a Berserker... Assassin-thing (and a cryptid, AND a less famous one to boot) have more than 4 Skills? Usually the limit for a normal Servant's Skills are around 4 at best, and Servants with more Skills are usually weak parameter-wise, is a Rider, or very, very famous.

On the subject of Skills, use Double Summon for Servants with double Classes. Or pick one bloody Class. Raging Bestiality sounds weird, and should be put in the Personal Skill section instead, as it's his unique replacement of the Mad Enhancement Skill. All of his Personal Skills are odd, clunky, redundant (Protection from Projectiles and Stonish-Coat) and have better replacements.

The NP is just... I mean, why would you leave the unfinished spoiler tag there? Also, while I'm no American-Indian aficionado, I do believe that the Wendingo and the damned Sasquatch has nothing to do with each other, except through some sort of herculean leap of logic (and/or some weird folklore connection I'm not aware of).

All I can say that's not downright insulting or harsh is that you should either start the sheet over from scratch, or just stop writing sheets for a while and just observe how to make and not to make sheets. Believe me, I once was in your position and after taking a break and seeing the more experienced people's sheets here, I can make something that is at least not an insult to my admittedly low sense of quality.

I agree with practically everything you've said, but to be fair with Koga for once, he's written that Protection from Projectiles is included in Stonish-Coat

[MehKitteh]

I agree with practically everything you've said, but to be fair with Koga for once, he's written that Protection from Projectiles is included in Stonish-Coat

That's the redundancy. Stonish-Coat gives Protection from Projectile. The extra part to explain what Protection from Projectile is (which should be Protection from Arrow that basically covers any projectiles) is not needed.

[King of Padoru]

Ah, okay. I thought you hadn't seen that part and considered them two separate skills. My bad

[MehKitteh]

Also, I just realized that those two Skills are basically the same Skill with different names from the description.

Hurrah.

[King of Padoru]

Now you say it, it's true. Besides that, doesn't Protection from Arrows grant the ability to dodge projectiles rather than being immune against them?

[MehKitteh]

Now you say it, it's true. Besides that, doesn't Protection from Arrows grant the ability to dodge projectiles rather than being immune against them?

He could just say that instead of the usual projectile-evasion shenanigans, his Servant's PfA negates any projectile damage up to a certain Rank instead, if we're going by his justifications.

[Kabalisto Koga]

Now you say it, it's true. Besides that, doesn't Protection from Arrows grant the ability to dodge projectiles rather than being immune against them?

He could just say that instead of the usual projectile-evasion shenanigans, his Servant's PfA negates any projectile damage up to a certain Rank instead, if we're going by his justifications.

This remembers me on this part of Chuchulins fight against True Assassin where we see the projectil protection in usage similar like that i have thought here but also like Assasins wind protection to a Degree in term of Damage reduction but okay i will later adjust the skill and Nobelphantasm set,but at you how did you find my Idea Maybe i should Change his class better as Alter Ego..

[MehKitteh]

Remember what I said about not going down that path?

[Shiki-pon]

Maybe i should Change his class better as Alter Ego..

Wouldn't qualify for that. Alter Ego is an when the Servant is an aspect, a part of something greater. Genoskwa isn't something like that.

[King of Padoru]

Anyways, to avoid turning the conversation again into "what's wrong with you-know-who and his sheets", and because today I need to relax, I've done a joke sheet real quick.

“…………*stare*…………”

Assassin
Identity: Medjed
Also known as: The Smiter
Height: 50 cm – 20 m
Weight: ??? kg
Alignment: True Neutral
Attribute: Heaven
Origin: Egypt
Armament: None
Likes: Nitocris, tributes
Dislikes: Blasphemy
Talents: Coming forth
Natural enemy: King Hassan?


Parameters:
Strength: D
Endurance: D
Agility: A
Luck: B
Mana: C
NP: E~A

Description

Background:
Medjed is the god mentioned in the Book of the Dead. A member of the House of Osiris, he is the Smiter, the one who can’t be seen and who shoots with his eyes. His real nature is cloaked in mystery, same as how his body is cloaked in a white cloth, but for same reason he’s available to be summoned as a Servant.


Personality:
Medjed doesn’t use words or gestures to communicate. His eyes don’t show any hint about his thoughts or emotions either. Guessing what goes across his mind is something that requires of a high level of understanding or an ability like telepathy.
As a god related to Osiris, the ruler of the dead, Medjed sees humans who wield abilities that approach the realm of his superior as blasphemous. He isn’t interested in anything about the world either, except for “tributes” that are offered to him. Those “tributes” are generally things like candy or toys for children.
The treatment with the Master is… complicated. It’s hard to establish a relation with someone that only stares at you, after all.

Skills

Class skills

Presence Concealment A
Medjed is described as someone who is unseen. Practically being able to turn invisible, detecting him is nearly impossible until he attacks.

Personal skills

White Garments A
The white cloth Medjed wears around his body. As a consequence of living in the dark, Medjed has become weak against sunlight, a trait shared with vampires and creatures of the night. But more than a means to protect himself from external harm, it’s actually a seal to protect the rest of the world from his true power. Probably.

Divinity A
Represents one's status as a candidate to Divine Spirit, and grants the ability to ignore defenses like Protection of the Faith or Enlightenment of the Sacred Fig to a certain degree. Although minor, Medjed is still a god, having a high rank in this skill.

Eerie Stare D
The appearance of Medjed is already disturbing by itself, but being looked at by him is even more unsettling. Making visual contact with him leads to ask oneself “What the…?”, usually distracting the enemy and making them lower their guard.

Noble Phantasm

Medjed Iret

Gaze of the smiter

Type: Anti-Army
Rank: C++
Description:
Medjed is the one who shoots with his eyes yet is unseen, an eerie entity whose power is such that his gaze is able to become a weapon. The full release of the energy latent within his eyes gives birth to a surge of energy of incomparable power that razes the ground and destroys whatever is on its path, an attack fitting for the one who is called “The Smiter”. Basically, it’s just an eye beam, released from what we humans know as Mystic Eyes (in Medjed's case, they'd be called Mystic Eyes of Smiting), but it's cooler if described like this.

Medjed Mehwet

Spawning of the smiter

Type: Anti-Unit (Self)
Rank: E~A
Description:

Unlike many other gods, Medjed isn’t a single entity. This trait is shared with minor gods of other cultures, like some kami in Japan. Through the usage of this Noble Phantasm, Medjed can summon other Medjeds, which come in different size, although they’re generally 50 centimeters tall like the original. Medjed can exploit this ability by taking advantage of the concepts of “all the ‘Medjeds’ being Medjed” and “Medjed being summoned”. This doesn’t mean, however, that all of them are Servants. Only the original has class, skills, and Noble Phantasms. The only exception to this is the presence of Medjed Iret, which is listed as a natural ability possessed by Medjed. The equivalent rank of Medjed Iret depends on the size of the Medjed, with the 20 meters tall Giga Medjed being able to reach an equivalent to A rank.

Relations

King Hassan: A human who became one with death. Blasphemy.

Shiki Ryōgi/Tōno: Humans who see death. Blasphemy.

Heracles: A human who cheats death. Blasphemy.

Ereškigal: A goddess of the netherworld. Medjed is satisfied with her work

Karna: A human who can shoot beams with his eyes. There’s something different on Medjed’s eyes when he stares at him.

Gilgameš: The King of Heroes and Medjed have been staring at each other for hours…

Nitocris:Medjed is pleased with the multiple tributes he’s offered by her.

Neco-Chaos:The cat-like humanoid describes Medjed’s Noble Phantasm as “unisex”. What does that even mean?

[MehKitteh]

Mystic Eyes of Smiting though.

[King of Padoru]

Eh, I removed the Mystic Eyes because there was the risk of somehow turning the Noble Phantasm into Ars Almadel Medjedis

- - - Updated - - -

Nah, screw everything