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Thread: Create-a-Servant

  1. #14601
    夜属 Nightkin
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    Wait a minute...

    Michelangelo can merge four 0.5 meter per edge cube into one 2 meter per edge cube?

    That's the 1st isn't it? Literally creating something out of nothing...

    ...unless he somehow molds the marble like putty and the inside is hollow.

    Also isn't a skill and a unranked one at that that prevents others from targeting him with noble phantasms a little over the top? Even with a luck roll...

    That's a noble phantasm in and of itself.

  2. #14602
    夜属 Nightkin
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    Golem Keter Malkth is like A+.

    So Il Divino probably don't need to be ranked that high. What are it's stats anyway?

  3. #14603
    僕はね、ヒマワリになりたかったんだ mewarmo990's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Snow View Post
    And yeah isn't this entire thread dedicated to people getting criticism from other people because they want to make a somewhat canon compliant product?
    hard to do that if you haven't read the "canon" to begin with
    Last edited by mewarmo990; May 22nd, 2016 at 08:28 PM.

  4. #14604
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Servant Lancer:

    True Name
    : Patroclus

    Alignment: Lawful Neutral

    Strength- C+
    Agility- B+
    Endurance- B
    Mana- D
    Luck- E
    NP- C

    Appearance:


    Personality: A kind, cheerful young man who wears his feelings on his sleeve. The sensitive and thoughtful to Achilles's cocky and audacious. In his past he had a raging temper which lead to him mistakenly killing his childhood friend over a game of dice, an act which haunts him to this day. In battle he is impulsive to the point of recklessness, not so far from a certain 'Leeroy Jenkins' immortalized in Internet culture. This is born from an insecurity in his own strength, and a desire to prove himself as an equal to the great Greek heroes of his time. Achilles is his dearest friend, or maybe something closer to a lover. His deepest regret is not being able to fulfill the promise he made to Achilles when they were youths- to stay by each other's side forever. There is no truer wish in his heart then "to be reunited with Achilles", free from wars and scheming fates.

    While holding a burning hatred towards Troy and all its heroes, he reserves a special grudge against Paris upon learning of his hand in Achilles's later demise. If summoned in the same War and aware of the other's identity, Lancer will cast aside his kind self and drop nearly everything to insure that Paris is aptly punished.

    Likes: Achilles
    Dislikes: Troy, Fate, his own impulsive heart
    Talent: impersonating a friend
    Natural Enemy: Hector, "That scheming, cowardly archer!"


    Class Skills
    :

    Magic Resistance (C)- Cancel spells with a chant below two verses. Cannot defend against the likes of High-Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals. Though born at the Age Of Gods, Lancer's rank is low since he never fought against magic in life.


    Personal Skills:

    Unrelenting Spirit (B)- Nature of one who never retreats from battle, even when it would be expedient. Lancer's physical stats will gradually rise the longer he remains in combat. These benefits are lost once battle draws to a close. As side-effects, it diminishes the possibility of retreat and opens one up to surprise attacks. Patroclus was warned by Achilles to retreat after having driven off by the Trojans. His reckless disregard of his friend's advice ultimately led to his tragic death at the hands of Hector.

    Bonds Of Brothers (A+)- The bond between two souls that holds across eternity. In Lancer's case, it is between him and his sworn friend Achilles. In battle, Lancer can temporarily raise just one of his stats to the level of his demigod friend at the expense of a large amount of magical energy. Only one stat can be chosen, and the effect remains fixed for the duration of battle, wearing off afterwards.

    Bravery (B+)- The ability to cancel mental interference such as pressure, confusion and mesmerization through sheer fortitude of will. At this rank, melee damage is also boosted. Though not of the likes of Achilles or Hector, Patroclus showed great bravery when he charged into the battlefield in place of his reticent friend.


    Noble Phantasm:


    Achilléa Panoplía- Armor Of My Dearest Friend (C, Support): When Achilles refused to fight in the Trojan War due to wounded pride, Patroclus offered to fight and repel the Trojans in his place. Patroclus would don Achilles's armor in order so that neither enemy nor ally would know that he wasn't the great warrior. Reluctantly, Achilles honored his friend's request, though he warned him to fall back after forcing the Trojans to retreat to their ships.

    This armor and spear belonging to Achilles is Lancer's primary Noble Phantasm. While wearing it, a fiercesome helmet obscures his face and identity. All of his parameters will appear a Rank-Up from what they are in reality and he will automatically draw enemy aggression similiar to the Skill Masochistic Constitution at rank C.

    The armor is endowed with the same legend of impermeability attributed to Achilles's skin in later myths, though as as Lancer is not its true owner it shows itself at a lessened capacity. While wearing it, he is immune to attacks of rank C or below so long as they target parts of his body covered by said armor.

    The spear which he wields is in fact the very same wielded by Achilles, known as
    Diatrekhōn Astēr Lonkhē
    Spear Tip Of The Star Traversing The Skies
    . It is a supremely well-balanced spear which can pierce armor and split heads with every thrust, but as he is not its true owner, Lancer is unable to access either the Duel Field or HP reduction aspects of it.


    Pyrá Patróklou- Bonfire Of Glorious Mortality (B+, Suicide-Attack): After Patroclus's untimely demise, the grief-stricken Achilles refused to allow his friend to be buried. He was only swayed when the ghost of Patroclus himself appeared before him and demanded burial in order to pass on into the next world. Though wishing to cling to the remains of his lost friend, Achilles acquiesced. Patroclus was then cremated on a funeral pyre- customary in Ancient Greek times- which was covered with locks of hair from his sorrowful companions. His ashes were later buried in a golden urn along with those of Achilles himself.

    As a Noble Phantasm, it can only be activated upon casting off his armor. Once invoked, magical flames will begin to spread across Lancer's body and spear, consuming his visage in a firey haze. It bolsters physical abilities, adding a constant Mana Burst (Flames) effect to his every motion and strike. Lancer's own magical energy is used to kindle the flames, bringing him closer to death as battle rages on. They burn hotter and brighter the more of his magical energy is consumed, further bolstering physical parameters.

    Once the flames reach Lancer's spiritual core, the final stage of this Noble Phantasm is revealed. All of Lancer's remaining Magical energy is consumed at once, destroying his body in exchange for igniting a powerful Anti-Army destructive attack. The flames around him surge outwards as a gigantic explosion engulfing ally and enemy alike in a football field sized radius, not unlike a modern high-payload bomb. The damage dealt by the explosion to Lancer's enemies is based on the battle damage he amassed while Pyrá Patróklou was active, added to the base damage of the fireball itself. Allies on the other hand, will only suffer the latter if caught in the blast.

    Once activated, there is nothing on Earth that can extinguish these flames, not even all one or more Command Seals. A Noble Phantasm insuring a glorious, spectacular death befitting of a great hero. Due to the high risk of collateral damage, Lancer is hesistant to invoke it even when willing to give up his own life.

  5. #14605
    僕はね、ヒマワリになりたかったんだ mewarmo990's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RoydGolden View Post

    Achilléa Panoplía- Armor Of My Dearest Friend
    aw, here I was hoping you'd throw some Saint Seiya in.

  6. #14606
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mewarmo990 View Post
    aw, here I was hoping you'd throw some Saint Seiya in.
    Whatever do you mean by that?

  7. #14607
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Update: Tinkered with the description for Pyrá Patróklou to one I'm more satisfied with. In particular I removed the part distinguishing Mana from lifeforce, which I felt made things a tad too complicated. I also added in a few extra details which I intended to put in but somehow got deleted before the initial draft.
    I'd still like feedback on
    Achilles's Uke
    Patroclus
    , by the way!

  8. #14608
    夜属 Nightkin Hakuro's Avatar
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    About Patroclus, I think you meant Sadistic instead of Masochistic? Like, that would mean he would wait to be beaten in battle and feel good about it? (Well, Spartacus is kinda like that).

    And he looks good for me, I just found "Dearest Friend" kinda euphemistic (ok that the Illiad never said something more than that, but I guess most interpretations see him as more than that).

  9. #14609
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six
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    Quote Originally Posted by Theoneandonlyz View Post
    Wait a minute...

    Michelangelo can merge four 0.5 meter per edge cube into one 2 meter per edge cube?

    That's the 1st isn't it? Literally creating something out of nothing...

    ...unless he somehow molds the marble like putty and the inside is hollow.

    Also isn't a skill and a unranked one at that that prevents others from targeting him with noble phantasms a little over the top? Even with a luck roll...

    That's a noble phantasm in and of itself.
    Skills have always ranged from useless to NP tier.

  10. #14610
    アルテミット・ワン Ultimate One Siriel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Theoneandonlyz View Post
    That's the 1st isn't it?
    It would be hard for someone to give the First to a character because nobody except maybe Nasu knows what it is.
    Ragnarok, come day of wrath
    That fallen souls might bear our plea.
    To hasten the Divine's return.
    O piteous Wanderer.

  11. #14611
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hakuro View Post
    About Patroclus, I think you meant Sadistic instead of Masochistic? Like, that would mean he would wait to be beaten in battle and feel good about it? (Well, Spartacus is kinda like that).

    And he looks good for me, I just found "Dearest Friend" kinda euphemistic (ok that the Illiad never said something more than that, but I guess most interpretations see him as more than that).
    No, I meant Masochistic. Sadistic Constitution has the user get more aggressive the longer they're in combat, while Masochistic Constitution (the one Passionlip had) draws enemy aggro.

    As someone who's watched all of Yuri Kuma Arashi, 'dearest friend' pretty much equates to 'gay lover' in my mind.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by Siriel View Post
    It would be hard for someone to give the First to a character because nobody except maybe Nasu knows what it is.
    Well, what we know about First Magic is it's related to Ether in some way and involves creating stuff out of nothingness. From there, I don't think it'd be hard to imagine how it could look (like Gil's Gate Of Babylon only not drawing from an existing storehouse and not limited to just weapons) though it'd of course be speculative. I even tried to write up a Plato sheet ages ago with the First Magic (called 'Pure Platonica') as a pseudo-Noble Phantasm (maybe along with the titular cave as Reality Marble), tying it in to his theory of Platonic Universals. It ended up being too much philosobabble for even me to write though, so it never really got off the ground.

  12. #14612
    夜属 Nightkin Hakuro's Avatar
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    Oh I see, I didn't knew about the existence of Masochistic Constituition, only the Sadistic one, after reading about it, it makes sense for him.

  13. #14613
    Bitchin' Arashi_Leonhart's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RoydGolden View Post
    Well, what we know about First Magic is it's related to Ether in some way and involves creating stuff out of nothingness.
    No. We don't know that it involves "creating" anything. We know that it is related to Ether clumps, which are created somethings out of imaginary materials, but we don't know how exactly they're tied to the First other than as a related topic. The First could still just be a manipulation of something already present, like the Second, Third, and Fifth are.

  14. #14614
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arashi_Leonhart View Post
    No. We don't know that it involves "creating" anything. We know that it is related to Ether clumps, which are created somethings out of imaginary materials, but we don't know how exactly they're tied to the First other than as a related topic. The First could still just be a manipulation of something already present, like the Second, Third, and Fifth are.
    Isn't the First related to 'denial of nothingness' though? And Ether Clumps themselves are referred to as 'materialized nothing' whatever that means...

    - - - Updated - - -

    Really though, since so much about the First is left vague you can pretty much make up whatever you want as long as it seems vaguely fitting.

  15. #14615
    分かろうとするな、感じれ Mcjon01's Avatar
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    Define "denial of nothingness" and explain how the First is related, exactly.

  16. #14616
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mcjon01 View Post
    Define "denial of nothingness" and explain how the First is related, exactly.
    Basically I imagine it'd work like the Thief Of Void from Homestuck who could 'steal' nothingness from something, thereby bringing it into existence.

  17. #14617
    Bitchin' Arashi_Leonhart's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RoydGolden View Post
    Basically I imagine it'd work like the Thief Of Void from Homestuck who could 'steal' nothingness from something, thereby bringing it into existence.
    http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread...ic-Idea-Thread

    But otherwise, no, there's nothing that outlines what the First is and does, and it's cool to apply fancy words and terms to it, but since there is no accompanying definition to those fancy words, you can't actually say "well, the First is something like this."

  18. #14618
    僕はね、ヒマワリになりたかったんだ mewarmo990's Avatar
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    "In my fanfic, the First is something like this."

    easy

  19. #14619
    鬼 Ogre-like You's Avatar
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    The Thirst
    Last edited by You; May 22nd, 2016 at 01:08 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by FSF 5, Chapter 14: Gold and Lions I
    Dumas flashed a fearless grin at Flat and Jack as he rattled off odd turns of phrase.
    "And most importantly, it's me who'll be doing the cooking."
    Though abandoned, forgotten, and scorned as out-of-date dolls, they continue to carry out their mission, unchanged from the time they were designed.
    Machines do not lose their worth when a newer model appears.
    Their worth (life) ends when humans can no longer bear that purity.


  20. #14620
    woolooloo Kirby's Avatar
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    Paracelcus vs Helena
    Quote Originally Posted by Dullahan View Post
    there aren't enough gun emojis in the thousandfold trichiliocosm for this shit


    Linger: Complete. August, 1995. I met him. A branch off Part 3. Mikiya keeps his promise to meet Azaka, and meets again with that mysterious girl he once found in the rain.
    Shinkai: Set in the Edo period. DHO-centric. As mysterious figures gather in the city, a young woman unearths the dark secrets of the Asakami family.
    The Dollkeeper: A Fate side-story. The memoirs of the last tuner of the Einzberns. A record of the end of a family.
    Overcount 2030: Extra x Notes. A girl with no memories is found by a nameless soldier, and wakes up to a world of war.

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