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Thread: Create-A-Servant 2

  1. #9841
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six pinetree's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JetKinen View Post
    Did he have to be a Berserker though?
    If you're using the Jesus imagery, you could've went with him being a very shitty Ruler
    The fake savior gets put into the class for saints. Things would be even more awkward for him.

    Also, don't you think that something like perpetual, eternal or everlasting would be a better translation for Perpétua? "Always" doesn't really bring the sense of time that word has
    I didn't even consider the Ruler class, but I don't think he would fit, he doesn't have a wish for the Grail but in a Grail War he would definitely put heroism and self-preservation above the rules.

    And Royd guessed right, I was considering perpetually or eternally but always sounded more natural.
    Though I guess perpétua isn't really natural nowadays anyway, but I don't know, I can see someone being nicknamed Perpétua Mineira because it sounds good, but I can't imagine someone being called Perpetually anything.

  2. #9842
    Tranquilo, Japones, Tranquilo JetKinen's Avatar
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    Yeah but then again, the second Ruler we're introduced to was someone who very much did not care about the rules

    Fate Grand/Order ID: 102947414/GreenBob
    JetKinen's tries very poorly to translate a brazilian book

  3. #9843
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six pinetree's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Criarino View Post
    I didn't think I would live long enough to see a sheet about Tiradentes, further still one SO good.
    As someone from Minas, I have to say: Congratulations
    Now I only need to see a sheet about JK, Santos Dummond or any bandeirante
    I'm planning on making Santos Dumont, but I don't think I'll be tackling any bandeirante, JetKinen already did an amazing Archer Lampião and I don't think I can come up with anything better than making Thirst his Origin.

  4. #9844
    Dead Apostle Eater Historia's Avatar
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    create-a-servant is bad and mods should exterminate this thread so it doesn't eventually spawn a third

    not enough lolis

  5. #9845
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six pinetree's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JetKinen View Post
    Yeah but then again, the second Ruler we're introduced to was someone who very much did not care about the rules
    True enough, and being able to cancel out Command Spells does seems very Ruler-like now that I think about it.

    Now that I'm considering it, maybe it would've been the best class for him, but I envisioned his role in a war as a "mid boss" threat, an enemy that no one can deal with until they manage to finally uncover his identity, so the idea of making him an Extra class Servant never came to me.
    Last edited by pinetree; March 18th, 2018 at 06:52 PM.

  6. #9846
    Trace: Overcringe King of Padoru's Avatar
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    Archer
    Identity: General Frost
    Also known as:
    General Winter, General Snow
    Height:
    164 cm
    Weight:
    51 kg
    Alignment:
    Lawful Neutral
    Attribute:
    Earth
    Origin:
    Russia
    Alternative classes:
    Berserker
    Weapon:
    Guns and sword
    Likes:
    Vodka
    Dislikes:
    Heating devices
    Talents: Repelling undesired strangers
    Natural enemy:
    Any leader from another country

    Parameters:

    Strength: B+
    Endurance:
    B
    Agility:
    B
    Luck:
    A
    Mana:
    C
    NP:
    A

    Background
    General Frost is the name that the Russian winter received after it became an important factor to ensure the failure of the invasion of the country and develop winter warfare in Russia.
    During the invasion of the Swedish Empire in the 18th century, the Russians adopted a scorched-earth policy. This strategy consists on burning the crops and the villages to ensure that the enemy can’t restore their supplies or find shelter. The winter of 1709 was so brutal that even Venice’s seaport froze. The army of Charles XII of Sweden was so crippled that by spring only 19,000 out of 35,000 men had survived. The high casualties ensured the later fall of the Swedish Empire.
    In 1812, Napoleon’s
    Great Army
    Grande Armée
    headed towards Moscow. Russia followed the same plan as against Sweden and proceeded to burn everything. Although the French army had already been reduced to a sixth part of the original numbers (100,000 men out of 610,000 had survived), their attempt to retreat was full of further disasters, caused by the incoming winter, and the casualties increased even more. Many sources agreed that winter was a contributing factor to Napoleon’s defeat. The Russian soldier and poet Denis Davydov wrote an analysis titled “Was it Frost that devastated the French army in 1812?”. This was the first time that the name of General Frost was mentioned.
    During World War II, Hitler’s
    Defense force
    Wehrmacht
    was severely punished by the winter as well. The combination of the Führer’s confidence on a quick victory and the delays in the German army’s movement made them unprepared for winter warfare, losing more than 700,000 men.
    General Frost isn’t actually a human, but a Nature Spirit, a kind of Elemental born from a natural phenomenon. She acts as part of Gaia’s sense of touch, the Counter Force, and is given a flesh body from the World itself, from which she is able to receive mana.


    Personality
    Although she has the shape of a human, one must remember that Archer isn’t an actual person. She is more like a machine, and therefore, her level of emotions isn’t the same as ours. Cold and serious, the only thing that seems to exist in her mind is a command of “defense”. Not the defense of her Master, or the defense of people, but the defense of Russia. She claims that her only master is Gaia, and acts without caring about the orders of her Master. If she’s threatened with ending the contract, she won’t mind at all, as she can still survive.
    She thinks humans are potential hazards for nature, but it’s not as if she hates them. All the harsh winters that contributed to the defeat of enemy armies also had the intent to kill Russians, who were harming the environment with their strategy of burning their homes. Russians were prepared to survive those winters, so they survived. The enemy wasn’t prepared so they were doomed to fail.


    Skills
    Class skills
    Independent Action EX:
    Allows free movement without needing mana supply from the Master. Archer is able to subsist on her own for an indefinite amount of time, as she can receive mana from the World itself due to her being a Nature Spirit.
    Magic Resistance C:
    Archer gets some resistance to spells due to her origin as a force of nature, but Fire element spells can bypass this effect.

    Personal skills
    Demonic Defender of the State B+:
    By establishing a domain based on the leylines of the environment, one’s capabilities increase greatly inside said domain. A second fame boost that makes Archer excel in direct combat despite her class supposedly being more suited to ranged attacks. Her domain can have a maximum radius of one kilometer, and grants an effect similar to Mad Enhancement at B rank, without loss of sanity. Due to her character having been related with dealing with the attacks of large armies, she gets an additional bonus when fighting defensively, similar to the skill Dignity of the Rearguards. This allows her to be an almost impregnable wall whose only way of being defeated seems to be forcing her to step out of her territory.
    Animal Dialogue C:
    An ability of Elementals. Allows to understand animal language, but complex nuances cannot be conveyed, as the animals’ intellect doesn’t change.


    Noble Phantasm
    The unbeaten frozen warlord
    General Moroz

    Type: Anti-Army
    Rank: B
    Description:
    The sole presence of General Frost lets blizzards become possible in any environment, even in the hottest desert, since she’s an Elemental of winter. This Noble Phantasm doesn’t consist on “bringing winter”, but on “being the winter itself”. This means that its activation is immediate and doesn’t have any requirement other than Archer desiring it, making it extremely unpredictable.
    The temperature drops abruptly to -50ºC, and the wind blows at speeds of 140 km/h. Servants see their Agility drop by one rank, and humans suffer the same effect as in any other cold environment. Their body temperature will decrease, and they’ll eventually die of hypothermia if they don’t protect themselves from the cold. Archer, who is the only one unaffected by the Noble Phantasm, can make the blizzards be of any intensity and size within her territory. She can make a couple of snowflakes drop on her hand, or isolate the entire area with a raging tempest. Of course, any intermediate variation is possible, and it’s not necessary that Archer is the focus of the storm. The winds can also change direction at Archer’s will instead of blowing in a straight line.
    The greatest disadvantage of this Noble Phantasm is that it follows the rules of elemental affinity. This means that fire and heat are its greatest weaknesses. A heat source strong enough help prevent being affected by the cold, and large-scale fire-based attacks can cancel the blizzards. Another remarkable flaw is the reduction of its power outside Archer’s terrain. Should she be forced to fight on a different stage, its effect would be more similar to an ice-based Mana Burst.


    Other important powers
    Marble Phantasm: A unique ability possessed by Elementals and True Ancestors. Just by using her imagination, Archer can make any phenomenon be possible, with a single condition: it must be probable, even if the odds of it happening are of 1:100,000,000. This power is similar to Reality Marbles, as it allows to recreate the user’s thoughts, but there are differences. A Reality Marble allows anything, possible or not, to be recreated, but it will always recreate the same result, while a Marble Phantasm is bound by the laws of probability but can produce different results. To make it simpler, while a Marble Phantasm is buying a lotto ticket with the winning number, a Reality Marble would be making every single ticket have the winning number.
    Archer’s Noble Phantasm is a Marble Phantasm, actually. Due to her being an avatar of winter, it’s the maximum expression of her power, and the easiest thing for her to imagine.


    Relations

    Lily Servants, Jack and Nursery Rhyme: As soon as the little girls heard that a winter-related Servant had been summoned, and that it was a blonde woman, they couldn’t help but remember that movie they watched with Edison’s device. Now they constantly ask her to make it snow inside their rooms, build an ice palace or create a living snowman. She has been told off for freezing the kids, but she’s so scary when she tells them to stop bothering her that the situation hasn’t really improved.
    Karna: Although from different regions, the Indian Lancer and the Russian Archer can’t help but feel interest on each other. Their powers are polar opposites: one controls scorching flames, and the other uses freezing cold. In order to ensure that they don’t destroy everything, they have been separated as much as possible.
    Atalante:
    If you hear grunts coming from the kotatsu, don’t be afraid, there isn’t any ghost. Look under the blanket and you’ll find a pouting Atalante all huddled up. Why is she angry? Of course, it is because Frost is mistreating the kids. She has tried to have a word with her, but due to Artemis’ curse, whenever she’s close, the huntress feels the urge of running to a warm place.
    Last edited by King of Padoru; May 13th, 2018 at 02:02 PM.

  7. #9847
    Tranquilo, Japones, Tranquilo JetKinen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Historia View Post
    create-a-servant is bad and mods should exterminate this thread so it doesn't eventually spawn a third

    not enough lolis
    Be the change you want to see in the world.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by pinetree View Post
    I'm planning on making Santos Dumont, but I don't think I'll be tackling any bandeirante, JetKinen already did an amazing Archer Lampião and I don't think I can come up with anything better than making Thirst his Origin.
    I appreciate the shoutout, but the Cangaço was a different phenomenom from the Bandeiras.
    I understand the confusion though

    Fate Grand/Order ID: 102947414/GreenBob
    JetKinen's tries very poorly to translate a brazilian book

  8. #9848
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six pinetree's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JetKinen View Post
    I appreciate the shoutout, but the Cangaço was a different phenomenom from the Bandeiras.
    I understand the confusion though
    I... Guess I forgot the Bandeirantes were a thing, what a dumb mistake.

  9. #9849
    Servant Conception Extraordinaire MoonCell's Avatar
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    Really liked the Tiradentes sheet. As someone who likes to create "speed-sheets" (find a historical name, give it a Noble Phantasm, repeat, its's a good pastime), Tiradentes was to be part of the series of Brazilian Servants I made, but as I couldn't mentalize a NP for him I left him out. You managed to give him not only one but TWO, so I'm giving you my most considerate respects. I'm a bit ashamed of myself for not thinking of "Libertas Quae Sera Tamen", but giving an effect different from "breaking bonds" would've been really difficult and my D.Pedro I already had something like this only it affected Command Seals, so I think it was for the best. Again, congratulations.

  10. #9850
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six pinetree's Avatar
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    Thanks man, I'm pretty proud of his NPs so it's great to be validated like this.

  11. #9851
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Bird of Hermes's Avatar
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    "Stop slacking off kid, time for us to get to work!"


    Source: (X)

    Class: Lancer
    Alternate Class(es): Rider
    Alignment: Neutral Good
    Region: Japan

    Height/Weight: 193cm/78kg
    Likes: Friendship, Effort, Reconciliation
    Dislikes: Rowdy children
    Talent: Administration, Communication Skills
    Natural Enemy: Ushi Gozen
    Attribute: Earth
    Traits: Earth, Female, Servant, Brynhildr’s Beloved(?)
    Armament: Spear, Armour

    Parameters:

    STR: B+
    END: B
    AGI: B+
    MGI: C
    LCK: C
    NP: C

    Skills

    Class Skills:

    Magic Resistance: B
    Grants protection against magical effects. Differing from the Resistance effect that merely rejects Magical Energy, this ability cancels the spells altogether. Cancel spells with a chant below three verses. Even if targeted by High-Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals, it is difficult for them to be affected. Despite being born in the Age of Man, she still encountered mystery in her life - such as the legend where she slew a witch. Her targets were known for their age, mystery and magical prowess.


    Personal Skills:

    Human Anatomy Understanding: B
    A Skill that allows one to have a grasp of the inner workings of the human body, like a piece of precision machinery. Insight to analyse an opponent’s battle condition.
    All actions intended to heal through Skills, Magecraft, etc. are improved. One is able to target enemy vitals with extreme precision, and all damage inflicted is increased. In addition, all damage received by the user is reduced. Combining a unique perspective with her own knowledge of medicine it can be used to determine the weak points of an enemy and the severity of each injury.

    Madness Comprehension: EX
    The natural technique to understand those who are insane. Regardless of their affliction, she is able to understand the thought processes of those who are mad, come to a mutual understanding and indeed properly converse with them even if their thought processes are not like that of a humans. Effectively, it nullifies a target’s Mad Enhancement of the same rank. Able to recognise that Raikou was mentally ill due to demonic interference, Lancer was able to provide better assistance and advice catered to her needs without endangering anybody.

    Protection from Lightning: B
    The ability to counter electrical attacks due to exceptional means such as, either near instantaneous reflexes or simply just natural damage resistance. To Lancer, such a skill was a necessity for as confident to Raikou to survive her and Kintoki’s outbursts as well as to combat the Witch of Mount Ashigara.

    Uncrowned Arms Mastership: -
    Arms competency that was not recognised by others due to various reasons. To the opponents, the rank of Lancer’s spear and parameters appears to be one degree lower than what it actually is. If her True Name is revealed, this effect will be terminated.



    Noble Phantasms


    Tool of the Black Tortoise
    Black Cutting Crater


    Type: Anti-Unit
    Rank: C
    Range: 1~40
    Maximum Targets: 1 Person

    The Noble Phantasm of Lancer. A magical spear that embodies Lancer’s status as the Shitenno’s representative of Genbu. It has the ability to gather the moisture in the air around the blade and that can shoot out highly pressurised blades of water that can easily slice through buildings. It is unsure if this is the ‘Actual’ True Name of this Noble Phantasm or if she’s just mocking Kintoki and Tsuna.

    If summoned in the Rider class, she would still possess this Noble Phantasm but it would instead simply grant a passive ability akin to Mana Burst (Water).

    Mount Ooe’s Atrocity
    Oni Massacre


    Type: Anti-Team
    Rank: C+
    Range: 50
    Maximum Targets: 40 People

    This Noble Phantasm of Lancer is the conceptualisation of the strategy that defeated the oni during the assault of the Onigawa Castle. While the oni were debilitated, they struck with an ‘unperceivable attack’. Lancer forcibly enhances her speed and power to achieve levels that are near impossible for the body to achieve at the cost of damaging herself.

    She attacks with such ferocity and speed she achieves a state akin to Multi-Dimensional Refraction Phenomenon where she attacks from multiple directions simultaneously. A series of six multi-directional strikes followed by a decisive blow. It is impossible to avoid, albeit through different mechanics. It is possible to develop countermeasures with enough precognition, determination and pure ability. The only true countermeasure against the Oni Massacre is to not allow her to use the skill at all. A Mystic Spear technique as a prison of attacks that treads into the Second Magic without any knowledge of Magecraft or True Magic.
    The attacks also possess the “Anti-Demon” attribute granting a plus modifier against those enemies.



    Biography

    Lancer is Usui no Sadamitsu, also known by her childhood name Taira no Tadamichi. She was one of Minamoto no Yorimitsu's Four Heavenly Kings.
    As a child, she displayed abnormal strength even as a baby, needing to be tied to heavy pieces of iron to stop her crawling away while her father was at work. Later she proved to even be a talented swordswoman and quite the handful for her father. Indeed she was too much to control. She ran away, discarded her name and was found by Raikou who gave her the name Usui no Sadamitsu and her foothold in legend. She became Raikou's confidant and advisor and if you believe a few select rumours, a lover. She was the original leader of the Shitenno before ceding the position to Tsuna.

    Alongside participating in the Siege of Ooe-yama she has only a few personal tales; the vanquishing of Sakata Kintoki's ogress mother, hunting the serial killer Monobe no Heita and personally protecting Raikou when she was suffering from a… 'Mysterious Ailment'.



    Character

    Objectively speaking, Sadamitsu’s legend is one of the least brilliant of the ‘Four Heavenly Kings’ with only a few feats to her name. However this by no means made her inferior. Rather than a hot headed adventurer, an obsessive oni hunter or a conflicted leader struggling with demonic impulses – her role was quite different.

    Selfless Devotion

    Though Kintoki was the one closest to Raikou and certainly special, Tsuna was the fiery spirit and Suetake was… well he was also there. Sadamitsu was a confident alongside Kintoki to Raikou as well as the tactician of the four heavenly kings – with Kintoki jokingly dubbing her as the ‘Aunt’ of the Shitenno with Raikou as the parent and the others as the unruly kids. She focused to focus her life on the one who gave her focus and spent her days supporting Raikou, Sadamitsu’s actions were behind the scenes to her liege lord. This is why there were fewer legends of her as she was simply content to support others. This reflects on her now as she will continue to place her ‘liege lord’ first and appear almost passive in conversation to the untrained eye.

    As a result, she is comparable to the Knight of the Sun of the Round Table in Arthurian myths in terms of pledging their whole being to a single person. However there is a notable difference between voicing opinions. Raising her voice and shouting loudly rarely gets results in a room of strong willed individuals so instead she makes subtle changes to influence one’s behaviour.

    Wish

    In the end, Sadamitsu desires to simply see the people around her live their lives to the fullest much like any other doting parental figure.



    Relationships

    Minamoto no Raikou (Berserker): “You… you wear her face but you’re not the same person. My friend you should never have been summoned in this state, come let us sit down and talk.”

    She recognises her abnormal actions as one who is struggling with her Oni blood and being warped by it to a notable extent. Sadamitsu held strong feelings towards her lord, whether they were whether they were that of close friendship or something more passionate is debatable to say the least. Sadamitsu can’t stand to see the one she cares for most in this kind of pain and although this is not ‘her’ Raikou… she still is Raikou none the less. She will always attempt to close the gap but there are difficulties such as Raikou’s perception of “Lovers and Children” only makes Sadamitsu’s own feelings even more awkward.

    Sakata Kintoki: “Hello there sweet child; has today been particularly golden? Wait, what do you mean you’ve seen Shuten Douji?”

    Not at all jealous for Kintoki getting so close to Raikou, she understood the demonic connection they held. If Raikou was the mother, Sadamitsu was the aunt, allowing for treats to go unseen if possible such as a secret stash of gold wrapped sweets but still… Kintoki seems to be a magnet for trouble and needs a close eye on him just to make sure he’s safe. They consider each other to be like family and Kintoki is a well behaved boy for the most part which only makes things easier.

    Gawain: “I get where you’re coming from but you needs to calm down with Mordred though – have you tried talking about your issues?”

    She has a somewhat similar loyalty complex of devoting herself to others with zero consideration for herself, however she has little patience for his more petty aspects like grudge holding.



    Eh. Haven't done one of these in a bit so just trying to stop myself falling out of the swing of things too much than anything else.
    Last edited by Bird of Hermes; March 19th, 2018 at 06:42 PM. Reason: Added FC source and skill post feedback

  12. #9852
    Trace: Overcringe King of Padoru's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bird of Hermes View Post
    Likes: Friendship, Effort, Reconciliation
    Couldn't help but remember FGO Karna

  13. #9853
    Vlovle Bloble's Avatar
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    With her legend being "lesser", Usui seems like she'd be a good candidate for something like Uncrowned Arms Mastery.

  14. #9854
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Usui: I feel like the logic of killing enemies while they're drunk equating to a dimension-breaking super attack is a bit of a stretch. If anything, having her spear emit some kind of alcoholic mist that lowers the opponent's senses or fighting skills would fit the legend better, though that'd risk ripping off Shuten's NP. Nifty sheet otherwise though.
    Last edited by RoydGolden; March 19th, 2018 at 03:38 PM. Reason: Forgot she was a Lancer

  15. #9855
    夜魔 Nightmare Express's Avatar
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    So the Four Heavenly Kings are just the MILF Rangers, huh.

    Sounds good to me.

  16. #9856
    Trace: Overcringe King of Padoru's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Express View Post
    So the Four Heavenly Kings are just the MILF Rangers, huh.

    Sounds good to me.
    Plus Daddy Kintoki.

    Any comments about General Frost?

  17. #9857
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Bird of Hermes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bloble View Post
    With her legend being "lesser", Usui seems like she'd be a good candidate for something like Uncrowned Arms Mastery.
    That’s a good point, might go back and add that.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by RoydGolden View Post
    Usui: I feel like the logic of killing enemies while they're drunk equating to a dimension-breaking super attack is a bit of a stretch. If anything, having her spear emit some kind of alcoholic mist that lowers the opponent's senses or fighting skills would fit the legend better, though that'd risk ripping off Shuten's NP. Nifty sheet otherwise though.
    When you’re plastered, when you see a sober person move it’s like they’re a ninja

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by Express View Post
    So the Four Heavenly Kings are just the MILF Rangers, huh.

    Sounds good to me.
    Just Raikou and Sadamitsu, both have been depicted as female and have more senior roles so it’s fair.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by King of Padoru View Post
    Plus Daddy Kintoki.

    Any comments about General Frost?
    Kintoki is not Daddy. He is a pure innocent good boy who is not to be lewded.

    As for General Frost, I’m not sure how I can comment on a sheet not based on a sentient being.

  18. #9858
    Trace: Overcringe King of Padoru's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bird of Hermes View Post
    As for General Frost, I’m not sure how I can comment on a sheet not based on a sentient being.
    I guess it's practically the same as correcting an OC. I understand it.

  19. #9859
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six pinetree's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by King of Padoru View Post
    Plus Daddy Kintoki.

    Any comments about General Frost?
    The idea is nice but the execution not so much, she's essentially just a military girl with ice powers, which is not exactly what I would associate with an invincible force of nature.

    I'm not sure how to approach turning something like that into a Servant but I think mostly she needs a personality more in-line with someone who wasn't even human, maybe more robotic or imoral, maybe she literally just doesn't have emotions and just tries to emulate them because her form is human, something strange like that.
    I also think you could elaborate more on how exactly she changes when she's in her territory besides just a power up, and I think instead of Mana Burst (or in addition to it) she could use a skill that represents her change into a human.
    Also her NP could use some more conceptual stuff. She's not just winter right? She's the winter that no army can win against. I would try to work that into it.

    This is a very hard idea to work with though, you did good taking that into consideration.

  20. #9860
    夜魔 Nightmare Express's Avatar
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    I like General Frost, but this is one of the few times turning a Servant into an Elemental and giving them Marble Phantasm might actually work, given how she's not even a Wraith or anything.

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